- Multilake
- Dec 11, 2016
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If you're in a jam, a crayon scrunched under your nose makes a good pretend moustache.
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I have a sneaking suspicion that isn't her first head injury.
Just to finish your train of thought: Wasn't her last either.
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Apr 16, 2018 19:27
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 14, 2024 10:32
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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Yeah. Ham if your primary complaint is that we didn’t take her to task for the cheating, I think we’re probably all in agreement that it was a poo poo thing to do.
Guy [28/m] is upset that I [24/f] don't see him as long-term relationship material
quote:
I’m casually dating a guy and it’s not official or anything. He’s loads of fun to hang out with and the sex is amazing but but he’s not the type I’d picture myself being with in a long term relationship because he’s too flirty with other female friends in his life and seems to value some of them more than me. Like every other woman I like to feel special and number one in a man’s life.
We were having a conversation. He said he is the type to be flirty only when he is single. That he is very faithful when he’s involved with someone. I laughed and told him that he is still flirty but that’s ok because it’s who he is. He apologised for being flirty and I said not to, that he should always be him, that we’re not together and just having fun. I then told him that my type is completely different when it comes to long-term relationships. He got short in his messages and admitted he was upset when I said that because he likes me.
This confused and surprised me. I thought men who are just seeking fun don’t want that pressure of a woman they are involved with wanting to tie them down. He says he likes me, but I’ve always felt that he only wanted fun with me too. Why would he react like this?
Additional comments: Just to make things clear due to some confusion in the comments.... I'm actually a long term friend of this guy and he has known me longer than the female friends he flirts with. We have also agreed to exclusivity even though this is an unofficial and casual relationship because we're both monogamous in our values.
UPDATE: He's just messaged me. It says: I want you to be happy. I don't want to be a distraction from someone you truly should be with. You deserve to be happy and with someone you want to have a long term relationship with. Just don't worry about my feelings when you meet that person.
tl;dr
Casually dating a guy. Not official.
He's fun to hang out with but not who I'd be with in a LTR (see post for reason)
He got upset when I told him my type is completely different to him when it comes to long-term relationships
I thought he just wanted fun so I'm confused?
Only wants to be casual with the guy, but also doesn’t like that he doesn’t treat her special like you would a serious partner. Mixed messages?
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Apr 16, 2018 19:37
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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That doesn't mean she's not also a massive piece of poo poo if she's actually cheating on him though, and lets be honest, loving LOL at a 2 week trip to Jamaica to "clear her head".
She is going to Jamaica to clear her head and unclear her vagina
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Apr 16, 2018 19:38
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- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
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Yeah it's amazing how differently I read the VP story than the thread consensus, I guess we'll just have to have differing takes on that story.
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Apr 16, 2018 19:39
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- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
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That...seems to happen to you a lot man.
Yeah I don't have the same opinions as many of the people that post in this thread, well done with that astute observation
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Apr 16, 2018 19:50
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- Bored
- Jul 26, 2007
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Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.
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Yeah it's amazing how differently I read the VP story than the thread consensus, I guess we'll just have to have differing takes on that story.
That's cause you are an rear end in a top hat.
So, did you finish?
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Apr 16, 2018 19:56
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Yeah I don't have the same opinions as many of the people that post in this thread, well done with that astute observation
It helps if you don't intentionally misread things.
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Apr 16, 2018 19:57
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- The Ferret King
- Nov 23, 2003
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cluck cluck
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It's funny when people wear antagonism as a badge of honor for individual thought. When really, they're just a total knob and they're the only ones who can't see it.
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Apr 16, 2018 20:02
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- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
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It's funny when people wear antagonism as a badge of honor for individual thought. When really, they're just a total knob and they're the only ones who can't see it.
I uh, post differing opinions on reddit relationship stories in the gbs thread for discussing them. From this, a poster has constructed elaborate narratives about my personhood.
I don't really get why you guys get so wound up that someone who disagrees with the thread posts in the thread, but it really seems to upset people to the point that they actually hold a grudge. I'm sorry you guys get so offended by differing takes on reddit stories. I really mean that, it seems like a bizarre existence to be this angry over other people's opinions you don't share. Name calling, grudges, weird stuff to me.
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Apr 16, 2018 20:06
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- Bored
- Jul 26, 2007
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Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.
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Being completely wrong isn’t a differing take Hammycakes.
https://www.theonion.com/man-who-plays-devils-advocate-really-just-wants-to-be-a-1819568992
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Apr 16, 2018 20:17
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Dude could just wait until his wife gets fat again.
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Apr 16, 2018 20:22
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- HIJK
- Nov 25, 2012
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in the room where you sleep
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My (26M) friend/roommate (25M) said some really strangely homophobic things to me about a friend. We have had sex before. He knows I am bisexual, and I know he is, but its always kind of been something we never talk about.
They must have a huge walk-in closet in their apartment.
This reads like fanfiction. Might be fake, definitely gay.
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Apr 16, 2018 20:32
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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I (26M) have just started randomly dating a celebrity (20sF). Help.
quote:
Obviously not revealing who she is, but she is... idk, maybe B or C list celebrity?
We actually met her at an irish bar in williamsburg, she randomly came at like 3am when we were playing pool, my friends recognized her but I had no clue who she was. But she was pretty, and we talked a bunch and she said she was in a TV show and a few movies and I was shocked, but I didnt recognize what she told me, so I still didn't really comprehend that she was THAT famous, I thought maybe they were like super indie movies. Anyways, we ended up hooking up that night and she slept over my apartment (We didnt have sex, she was a bit too drunk) and then she woke up and I made her food and we decided to get coffee. We just had a blast.
2 nights later, I took her out to dinner, and we mostly talked about our childhoods, so nothing about like celebrity stuff. Then some incident happened in the kitchen so we had to leave the restaurant. However... one person came up to her and asked for her autograph. That weirded me out, I was like "no freakin way, thats awesome" and she just gave me this look like "you do know this happens often right?" It kind of hit me then that she might be more famous than I thought before. But I didn't want to talk about that that much.
So we made plans the next night to go to some party she knew about. I decided to google her, and well, needless to say, those 'indie' movies and tv shows were actually pretty big blockbuster stuff. And there was a lot of it. Then I went to the party, and I met a few more of her friends who were all in the movie industry, didn't see anyone I recognize but she pointed out two people that I suppose I should have recognized. I just felt like, holy poo poo, this girl is actually a celebrity, I misjudged this entire scenario. Shes acted among mega stars, A-listers and such. I also found out she has won AWARDS. Like, real awards, not silly minor ones.
I had a fun time at the party honestly, and when we left we finally had sex at her apartment (surprisingly small!) and it was awesome. And she told me she really, really liked me and that she wanted to continue seeing me. I told her the same. We made plans to go to the park monday and have a picnic.
I honestly do like her a lot, but uhh, I don't really know what to do necessarily about this whole situation. I am so out of my element honestly. I haven't told any of my friends or family. I am kind of scared of being in the public spotlight for any reason. What if she invites me to some kind of actor ceremony and suddenly im in TMZ or something? Or anything like that?
I am just scared honestly. I kind of am extremely excited also, but mostly just scared. What do I do? Any advice at all? I 110% want to continue seeing her. We really, really like each other. Like, a lot.
TL;DR - - dating a celebrity, need advice, just general advice.
quote: I once dated Jennifer Lopez in a dream, it was a blast. Besides that I have no advice and can't provide you with anything relatable.
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Apr 16, 2018 20:37
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- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
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This story was rather bland but I give OP credit for including pics of the text messages, it adds a lot
My [22] older sister [23] has said some extremely hurtful things and never apologized
quote:My sister got married a few months ago and around the same time I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Leading up to her wedding, she expected me (as one of the bridesmaids) to be very involved with the planning and decorations. I was happy to help out making centerpieces and planning the bridal shower, but I was also dealing with some very extreme pain that landed me in the hospital a few times.
She was not understanding at all when I was in pain. I had a fairly large ovarian cyst that I was taking vicodin for. She called me lazy all the time.
The tension only increased as the wedding got closer. I didn't want to mention how mean she was being, because she was the bride. The day before the bachelorette party, I was in the hospital for over 16 hours. I reassured her I would still be there, but I was forced to arrive early to decorate and set up. The plan was for everyone over 21 to go out to a club, and the minors (bridesmaids were mostly family) to stay behind and set up the food and tents since we were camping out back. I thought it was assumed I wouldn't be going out to a club considering the pain I was in, but she threw a huge fit and texted me things that made me cry. I would never ever say those kinds of things to her.
I apologized to her, even though I did nothing wrong. Fast forward to the wedding, I had a date set in just a few weeks for surgery. I was told to take it easy by my surgeon. I was told by one of the other bridesmaids that I ruined the "intro dance" because I didn't stand on stage and dance with everyone else. I also had to stay behind for 4 hours and clean up after everyone else had left.
So now, it's been a few months since the wedding. My sister has pretty much forgotten everything that happened. She acts like everything is completely fine, and I haven't mentioned how much she actually hurt me. My boyfriend doesn't think I should ever mention it, because it would just cause drama. I moved to a different state shortly after my surgery (not related) and I'm visiting for the first time since in a few days. Should I carry on acting like everything is okay or do I start a conversation about how she treated me?
TLDR: My sister became a huge bridezilla and said very hurtful things while I was dealing with pain associated with endometriosis, and has never apologized.
Edit: some examples of her being downright mean
http://imgur.com/7s312rh
http://imgur.com/n0w85wi
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Apr 16, 2018 20:41
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- Yawgmoth
- Sep 10, 2003
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This post is cursed!
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Guy [28/m] is upset that I [24/f] don't see him as long-term relationship material
Only wants to be casual with the guy, but also doesn’t like that he doesn’t treat her special like you would a serious partner. Mixed messages?
Again, the answer to her problems would be "talk to him about like an adult" but that would mean admitting to any sort of internal fault/emotion other than lust.
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Apr 16, 2018 20:41
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- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
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This is a weird loving post, please enjoy
What are appropriate things to say to a person who lives on the sidewalk?
quote:tl;dr I asked a homeless person who wants to live on the shopping center sidewalk to pick up the trash.
So I would like to say that I don’t post things to make myself look like a good person. By no means would I ever consider myself a good person. I think I am OK for the most part. I do things that are kind when I am able to. I say things that need to be said, also. Which can rub people the wrong way, I guess. I think I end up making myself look bad, and it’s awful and never what I want. Needless to say- I don’t care if people think I am likable or not. But something occurred to me the other night and I really just cannot stop thinking about it. So I am seeing what else is out there..
Please, don’t agree with me or disagree with me. Just hear me out completely. I go to the shopping center by my house weekly. I do my shopping and sometimes I eat at the restaurants. My roommate had been asking me a couple of times, what did I think about the lady who was on the sidewalk?.. Here’s the thing, every single time I looked over, I never saw anyone there. Then I noticed she was behind the flowers that were displayed outside of the store. I figured this divine intervention that maybe God didn’t want me to say anything to her. So I just expressed to my roommate it’s none of our business. And we continued about our night.
This past Sunday was a little different. As I exit the car to go do my laundry there I see- clear as day- the lady my roommate was mentioning. No thought towards her formed.. but it gets better..
While my clothes were in the wash, I stayed inside for a little bit but I noticed there wasn’t a patron inside that felt like anyone I would want to start a conversation with. As this is a new progressive aspect I am starting to embrace, to be more social instead of an “outcast.” It felt stuffy so I decided to go outside and I noticed the lady on the sidewalk. I was drawn to her immediately. No reservation. No fear. No judgment. As if I could enjoy speaking to her more than anyone else.
I casually begin to ask her if she is hot because she’s wearing socks (with a tank top/shorts) as it was 90+ degrees that day. She says no. I ask her what she’s up to.. she is very guarded by the way. Saying off the wall comments, some borderline investigating if I would prostitute her out and some rather gross things I won’t mention- most likely to get me to leave her alone. I wasn’t shaken. Here’s why- the more I talked to her, the more compassion I felt towards her. So I asked a stroking question, how long had she been gone.. she looked at me incredulous, as how would I know that someone once cared about her?
She stated she’d been living on the sidewalk for 2 1/2 months. I told her this can’t be true because I am a regular at the shopping center and I have never seen her. She stated to me it was because she was hanging out on a different block but the owner told her that she was not allowed to live there. Noted. I asked her if she would like a ride to a shelter? She said she didn’t want to go. I asked her if she didn’t want to go because she felt more safe on the sidewalk, or because she didn’t want to play by the rules? She said that she was afraid she would have to leave back out of state, and they make you leave the shelter during the day anyway. I can only take it with a grain of salt, I have no idea if that’s true or not. It seems like an illogical approach to poverty and homelessness. I told her I would be right back because I had to go check on my clothes. She blew me off thinking I wasn’t going to come back and talk to her, anymore. I’m pretty sure she’s used to people being afraid of her or throwing a couple bucks and going on about their day. Which in itself is kindness because you are only able to do what you’re able to do when you’re able to do it. But she never met anyone like me..
I expressed to my roomie that I want to get her help. Now someone from the outside looking in may say: just leave her alone, she wants to live on the sidewalk, that’s her business. True, but there are facilities in place to help rehabilitate people. At the end of the day she is still a person who deserves love. Not everyone walking is going to be capable of giving the love she needs, but there is not one person walking who is able to judge her as less deserving of having a chance at a clean, peaceful and happy life.
I go back out to talk to her and I ask her again if she would want to go to a shelter. This time she was hesitant, but looked up at me and she asked if there are any in the area? I said let me go see what I can find and I’ll come back. And she said, “yeah, yeah, yeah OK sure.” At this point now I am thinking about putting this person inside of a vehicle that I’m going to be in. And I’m sure that crosses a lot of other people’s minds. Because at some point it can be dangerous right— for those lacking faith. I find a place that is a “faith based rescue mission” yet, come to find out they’re not an emergency shelter and you have to apply for the program. I thought this was a great opportunity for her because it’s a rescue mission— at the end of the day— Christ didn’t turn away anyone, so I didn’t really understand the application process. It dawned on me that I really want people to stop putting Christ’s name on every business involving humanity. Because nobody is like Christ. Nobody. Because if people are like Christ it would make Christ not Omnipotent. It should be labeled: “trying to do the right thing but I am probably not sure what it is. I want to be like Christ so I am trying to be there for you.”
Anyway, I am scattering off course:
I also find out the next emergency shelters are two cities away. That was disheartening because I wondered why there wasn’t an emergency shelter in my area, unless my area doesn’t have enough homeless people or there is no homeless people? Who cares right!
I walk back towards her with a couple of options. I mention first to her the emergency shelter is in (blank) city. She does not want to go I then explained to her the process of getting into the rescue mission. She interrupts me while I’m talking with yeah yeah yeah. But I am not wavered. I continue to explain everything to her and I look at her square in the face and I say, “you have one week to decide. Because I come here every week and next week, if you want to go I am going to take you. I will find you a place to stay, that will help you get your life back on track.”
Most people do not understand- just as you are a creature of comfort in your own home, a person who is homeless or living a “backpack“ lifestyle has those same comforts. Except, they have traumatic and sad experiences the average person doesn’t. It is easier to just stay the “problem,” because to get clean and sober is a process that a lot of people do not understand. Not only are people who get clean judged harshly by everyone around them because they still display signs of previous drug use. They have a different level of understanding how life operates. We live in a society that wants to encourage people to change their life for the better, but yet won’t accept them after the change.
However, another person, no matter what you think is not someone who is beneath you. They are not someone who is undeserving of your kindness, time or charity. Charity is not always money. Sometimes it is about having enough compassion to view another person of deserving a healthier lifestyle. In those thoughts, lives change. I have come to find that sometimes God asks us to do things that make us feel uncomfortable because he wants us to grow up, spiritually and emotionally.
Anyway the point is— as I was talking to her I noticed there was receipt trash, cups, empty chip bags... etc So as I am speaking to her as she is sitting there, I am throwing the trash away. And it starts to bother me because I noticed there is grown men politicking over to the left side of me, wondering why I’m talking to her. Maybe because she’s smoking up a storm next to the open doors- a lot kids shop in the store, people walk their animals. There may be someone with asthma near— Well what I’m wondering is why is there so much drat trash in the shopping center with all of these “civilized” human beings shopping here?
As I walk away from her because we have a deal, so the conversation is dead. I noticed there is a cup in the parking lot and I expressed to my roommate about the trash bothering me. Well, as I am coming out of the grocery store I see this boy with this girl and they may have been 17 years old. He takes it upon himself to kick the cup as hard as he can, and it shoots liquid all over the parking lot and breaks the cup in half. Now some may wonder why didn’t I just go out and pick up the cup, right? I’ll tell you why. It is because I have boundaries as a human being. Am I going to spend the rest of my life picking up every single piece of trash that all of a sudden just magically started appearing. No I am not, Truman. I did my part by picking up what was in the reach of me, and then I did this:
after I expressed my disdain to the 17-year-old who ended up being in the same store as me conveniently moments later— I walk out so full of passion, I stopped right in front of the homeless lady and I asked her: “do you ever feel like picking up the trash while you are sitting here?” And she replied, “sometimes. “ I replied, “Because that boy, rather than pick the trash up- kicks the cup all over the parking lot, and I wonder sometimes— what the hell is wrong with people.”
Now I am worried she won’t want to go to the shelter program because of my temper. This is why I say I am not a good person because I will never understand that I always forget to remember, at one point, I was a litter bug. Who I am to say, anything? Right. Well you know what- no one ever asked me to stop littering. So I think that’s why I say the things I do. But overall, I just need to leave the humanitarianism for someone else. I’ll just turn into the ostrich group for a change....
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Apr 16, 2018 20:44
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- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
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And one of my favorite topics, "insufficient public piety"
My (21M) older sister (26F) had an abortion, and parents (50s) think she's a monster for not grieving
quote:(Not sure if this is an appropriate subject or the appropriate subreddit. I'm sorry for the username, I panicked.)
I would probably say that my sister is one of the most responsible and levelheaded people I know. I've relied on her far too much growing up, from anything from consultations to plain busting me out. So when she called me to come pick her up from an abortion clinic (she and I live in the same city, but not in our hometown), I of course said yes.
She hadn't really told me that she was going to get an abortion, though, but she's in general a rather private person when it comes to her own issues, and she probably wouldn't say much about it unless there was a chance for actual complications (not in this case).
Flash forward to 2 days ago. We're having dinner with our parents back home, and we're all catching up. She's about to tell them about the abortion, but stops herself midway when she realises that it's probably too gross for dinner conversation. Eventually they manage to drag it out of her later.
Our parents initial reaction is, of course, worry and sympathy: For a lot of women, abortion is a very emotionally painful procedure. But not for my sister.
For her, in her own (gross) words, it was like a regular period, but clumpier (sorry). She couldn't have provided for a baby even if she wanted it, and she didn't, so it was really no big deal at all for her. Which I understood, honestly: If she wasn't hormonally attached to it, then she wouldn't logically be more attached then I would be to any of my potential unborn children.
Our parents did not see it that way, though. They decided that she was "emotionally stunted" and "heartless", because although they thought she was well within her rights for having an abortion, she was supposed to feel devastated and guilty about it. Not an exaggeration, they actually said "guilty."
The entire thing descended into a huge argument bordering on screaming match and we both ended up leaving. Since then, my sister and my parents have not spoken to each other.
My parents are saying that her not feeling bad about the abortion proves that she wasn't taking such a huge decision seriously. My sister is saying that being allowed to have an abortion as long as she doesn't want to do it is just a step above not being allowed to at all.
I don't really know what to do now, although I know that morally, I am on my sister's side. She's not sure how she's feeling about it but is telling me to patch it up with our parents, because I'm still (partially) financially dependent, and she has her own job and all.
But I don't think I can accept being fine with our parents unless she is too. I know that whilst she'll definitely be fine economically; emotionally, she's reeling right now. She was really close to our mom.
Can I help patch things up? Will this blow over, eventually?
TLDR: Sister did not freak out about her abortion, our parents freaked out in her stead.
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Apr 16, 2018 20:46
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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And one of my favorite topics, "insufficient public piety"
My (21M) older sister (26F) had an abortion, and parents (50s) think she's a monster for not grieving
Oooh that’s a spicy one, and yeah it’d be one thing if they were opposed to it altogether (it would still be bad) but to be ok with it and have the blowout because they didn’t feel the way they’re supposed to it just hosed
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Apr 16, 2018 20:49
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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This story was rather bland but I give OP credit for including pics of the text messages, it adds a lot
My [22] older sister [23] has said some extremely hurtful things and never apologized
I got married last weekend and yeah weddings make people caraaaaaaazy
Not me though I was a picture of serenity and restraint through the entire thing
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Apr 16, 2018 20:54
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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I got married last weekend and yeah weddings make people caraaaaaaazy
Not me though I was a picture of serenity and restraint through the entire thing
grats
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Apr 16, 2018 20:58
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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ty it was a lot of fun
My wife (24F) paid our wedding photographer extra to not take any photos of her. We just got the photos back and I (25M) am so angry and hurt.
quote:
u/camerashywife
My wife has always been camera shy. When we first started dating she would delete any photograph I took of her. After a few years (we've been together 6 years total) she permitted a few if no one else saw them. She doesn't have any social media accounts either.
We got married two weeks ago. We had a very small wedding and no honeymoon, but the wedding was really nice. My wife looked absolutely beautiful and happy. She doesn't really dress up and this was the first time I had even seen her in a dress, so it was a welcome surprise.
The wedding photographer was a friend of hers, so she handled hiring him. We both agreed that we wanted candids instead of posed photos, so we told him to just take candids. When we got the photos earlier this week, they were great, but none of them had her in them.
She confessed that she paid him extra not to photograph her. She didn't want to worry about someone taking pictures of her on her special day.
Our families are asking for wedding pictures and I don't know what to tell them. Also, I'm really mad myself and I can't seem to let this go, even though it's been a couple days. What do I do?
My wife apologized for hurting my feelings, but she doesn't really understand how upset this made me. I wanted a picture of my wife to remember how she looked on that special day. Is that too much to ask?
tl;dr: My wife paid the wedding photographer extra to not take pictures of her. We got the photos back, and there's no bride. I'm so angry and I can't let this go, and our families want copies of the pictures. What do I do?
Wife on the run from the mob, so what
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Apr 16, 2018 20:59
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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I got married last weekend and yeah weddings make people caraaaaaaazy
Not me though I was a picture of serenity and restraint through the entire thing
Congrats to you and mr girl pants
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Apr 16, 2018 20:59
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- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
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My wife (24F) paid our wedding photographer extra to not take any photos of her. We just got the photos back and I (25M) am so angry and hurt.
I have to say this lady did a phenomenal job of explaining the new normal to this dude in one fell swoop.
I get when people hold up signs so they're not on camera at events but this seems like taking it a bit far
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Apr 16, 2018 21:03
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- lol but
- Feb 24, 2007
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body is a dinosaur
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Slippery Tilde
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I'm betting on "she's a bigamist" at 2/3 odds
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Apr 16, 2018 21:05
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- Palpek
- Dec 27, 2008
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Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.
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I (29f) had such a bad experience with my future inlaws (M/F 50s) that I am thinking of calling off the wedding with (M30) Advice please?
quote:
My fiance and I have been dating just over a year. He proposed to me on our 1 year anniversary. We decided we would be engaged for about a year and then start planning the actual wedding which would take place in 2020. We moved in together recently.
I have only met his parents a few times on holidays and cook out type parties with many people. This past weekend he needed to drop off something at his parent's and asked me to come along for the ride and said we could go catch a movie.
I was invited in and what was supposed to be a 15 minute errand turned into 4 of the most uncomfortable hours of my life. full of me trying to keep it together while smiling and being friendly.
Highlights of the evening -
I mentioned something about still unpacking my fiances things in passing. His mother picked up on it and zeroed in. Turns out my fiance did not mention to his mother that we moved in together OR that he had proposed. I swear that woman gave me the dirtiest look when she looked at the ring. She then began to aggressively question me, while my fiance just sat there. She asked about personal things that I am not comfortable discussing with people I am not very very close to - religious beliefs, finances, personal health etc. She then declared that we have been moving too fast and our relationship has been too up and down (It hasn't, but because I didn't go to their Christmas event she assumed it was because fiance and I were on and off. Truth is that I hadn't been extended an invite, neither formal or casual and made other plans. I guess it was a misunderstanding - they are a family that invites are implied.). Ok. I was diplomatic and answered the best I could. I was a bit mortified but did my best.
Things got really bad when my fiances father came along. He was belligerently drunk. He wanted to give me a hug, but I wasn't getting up from my chair fast enough so he grabbed my arm and literally pulled me to my feet. It was forceful enough to make it hurt. Then he stood in my personal space (close enough his stomach was actually pressing into me) and went on a tirade about another family member which included a lot of sexist remarks.
FFIL yelled at me and ordered me around quite a bit. Stuff like going to get him a drink .
FFIL could not remember my name. So he deferred to calling me sexist and infantalizing pet names (that i don't even let my fiance call me!)
FFIL was incredibly disrespectful of FMIL. Telling her to be quiet and what not. They were supposed to be going to a formal party that evening (we were there to drop off a suit jacket for FFIL). FMIL was ready and FFIL wanted to be late on purpose to make a point because he had gotten into a disagreement with the host.
FFIL made many inappropriate and raunchy jokes to me and at my expense. Sex jokes and jokes about my race.
Then FFIL decided I needed to know all the dirty details of when he last took my fiance to a strip club. I learned things I NEVER wanted to know. He then continued on and said that he was going to take my fiance out to one again and buy him an hour in the VIP room.
This was the worst of the night for me. Strip clubs are a HARD boundary in our relationship. My fiance and I agreed to that before we even became official. I feel a bit deceived because when we had that boundary discussion fiance had told me he had only been to a strip club once before and that he didn't like it at all, that he was "forced" to go by his friends, and it turned out this was untrue (Fiance claims he "forgot" about the time he went with his dad)
FFIL made these "plans" with fiance in front of myself, FMIL, and several neighbors who had stopped by. I felt so incredibly disrespected and embarrassed. My fiance didn't say anything. Didn't say he didn't want to go or that he thought this conversation was inappropriate. Nothing.
I did communicate with fiance several times during the evening that I was very uncomfortable, he tried to say his good byes but FFIL or FMIL would say something about why are you leaving so soon or come up with something he needed to do before we left (fix their computer, try on clothes, etc)
By the time we left I was emotionally exhausted and had a lot to process. I told fiance this. He kept trying to get me to talk about it and then got pissy with me because I wouldn't talk to him about it right away. He started driving more aggressively which really bothers me (this is something we have talked about before as well).
When we did have a conversation about it later, it did not go well. Ended up being one of the worst fights of our relationship. He kept excusing everyone's behavior or saying that he didn't see or hear some of the stuff, said that he wasn't going to go to a strip club with his dad so it shouldn't matter that he didn't say he wasn't going to go, he couldn't give me a straight answer.
I am still going through a bunch of emotions about this. Flash backs of my being scared little girl with an alcoholic father. I am SO PISSED at myself for prioritizing keeping the peace and trying to make a good impression. I should have spoken up and said that this was making me uncomfortable and just walked out the door. I am so mad I didn't stand up for myself.
I honestly just don't see my fiance the same way anymore. He's too passive to protect or stand up for me and our relationship. I can't get the image of him drooling over a stripper out of my head. My trust in him has been cracked.
Also... I don't want a relationship with his parents, well atleast not his dad at this point. How would that even work post marriage? It wouldn't.
Fiance asked me what I wanted him to say or do to make things better. I don't have an answer to that.
I don't know what to do.
TL;DR - Spent an evening with my FILs. FFIL yelled at me and grabbed me. He wanted to make plans to take my fiance to strip club for private dances. Fiance didn't say anything to the contrary.
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Apr 16, 2018 21:07
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May 14, 2024 10:32
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Apr 16, 2018 19:27
Cat Army 
now! Those misgivings you feel in your "stomach" surely aren't you self-sabotaging and you are utterly incapable of meeting any of the challenges this relationship will present!
" because he's so passive. The stripper part is funny but it's peanuts.
