- Clark Nova
- Jul 18, 2004
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Glad I’ve aged out of having to worry about that poo poo. Though this is Kentucky so I could always end up matching a teen with a few kids who passes for forty
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May 11, 2018 16:09
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 30, 2024 22:20
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- Happitoo
- Nov 24, 2005
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We are going to go for the store, then the district manager. Then WE ARE GOING TO THE CORPORATE OFFICE AND THEN TO THE EXECUTIVES! DXRYAHHHHHHHHH!!
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I love this one just for the title, but I copied the whole thing over since people will be looking for an explanation.
I (23M) broke up with my ex (20f) after knowing her for only two weeks. This resulted in her attempting suicide which was prevented by me calling the police. Now, she's insisting that I drive to her to drop off a bottle of lotion and a butt plug I bought her. Do I go?
quote:Hey everyone,
So the last few weeks have been a total rollercoaster. Two weeks ago I met this girl and she seemed pretty amazing. She was funny, smart, too pretty to be hanging out with me and as I soon found out, absolutely incredible in bed. We met on a Wednesday. The following Friday she slept over, and then she slept over again on Saturday and we hung out on Sunday. I knew things were moving stupidly fast, but as someone who had been on a bit of a dry spell, it was like asking a fat kid if he wanted a bowl of ice cream that night - I couldn't say no.
So, we are spending a bunch of time together and acting very much like a couple which led us to decide 'hey, if we are acting like a couple, hanging out like a couple, we may as well be a couple'. It's now Tuesday (6 days after meeting her) and she's my girlfriend. Stupid, I know.
Now, once we had made things official, she started to change. She started to get really, really mad at me for very strange things. For example, screaming at me for taking too long to find her makeup removal wipes in her backpack full of stuff. Why did it take me so long? Because they were not in the pocket that she said they were in and the pocket she said they were in was full of poo poo that I had to go through. Another example would be her asking for a qtip, I'm a single guy so no qtips, she demands I get up immediately to get her a piece of toilet paper (which she's standing next to) wet it and give it to her. I obligde. She gets pissed that I gave her a piece of toilet paper that was not twisted up to mimic a qtip. My bad right? Things like this happen more and more and I realize she thinks this is totally justifiable.
So, this past Tuesday (1 week into our "relationship") I tell her we need to talk and I calmly say I don't like how she treats me sometimes. I do everything for her, I never get mad at her so it really hurts when she shits on me for trying to help her. She blows up and her argument Essentially boils down to this: she treats me well which means I shouldn't have a problem with her when she feels upset and has to express herself and I am an absolute rear end in a top hat for not being okay with the way she expressed herself. It's not a conversation at this point. She yells and yells and when I ask her if my feelings are valid at all, she says nothing and goes to the bathroom where she remains locked in for about an hour.
At this point, I consider things done. I tell her to get dressed and I'm driving her home. She ends up storming out of my place (not without screaming at me for "touching her poo poo" aka collecting her things) then goes. I immediately block her on all social media.
That's when the texts start flying talking about how I used her etc etc. Then she sends me a text of her bleeding arm....
Fast forward to two hours later and I'm on the phone with the police and she's live texting her suicide attempt to me. The cops end up finding her and cutting her down and she's in the hospital.
So, after all this, shes been calling me asking for "her stuff". Her stuff includes a $10 bottle of lotion of a butt plug I bought for her. Yesterday when she called, she demanded I come and drop it off, now, and told me to stop being a dick and just be mature about the situation.
To be honest, I'm tempted to drop it off just so she'll leave me alone but I'm definitely worried it could be some kind of setup. I know she's the vengeful type.
So, what the hell should I do?
Tl;Dr dated a crazy girl for one week. Break up with her, she attempts suicide and now she wants me to deliver a butt plug accross the city
Edit: I should also note that as far as she is concerned, this is all my fault. It's my fault she get mad, it's my fault I don't like how she treats me, it's my fault I made her want to kill herself. It's my fault she survived. And now she's really manipulating me into thinking that meeting her is the reasonable and appropriate thing to do. As I said, she literally told me to be mature about the situation and drop off her poo poo.
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May 11, 2018 16:26
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- MarcusSA
- Sep 23, 2007
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I love this one just for the title, but I copied the whole thing over since people will be looking for an explanation.
I (23M) broke up with my ex (20f) after knowing her for only two weeks. This resulted in her attempting suicide which was prevented by me calling the police. Now, she's insisting that I drive to her to drop off a bottle of lotion and a butt plug I bought her. Do I go?
Yes you absolutely go. Let us know how it goes after you get out of the hospital because she tried to murder you or some poo poo lol.
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May 11, 2018 16:28
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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How bored do you have to be to call up your ex and ask them to bring over the lotion and buttplug you left at their place
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May 11, 2018 16:31
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- Clark Nova
- Jul 18, 2004
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You bought her a butt plug after one week?
That’s jumping the gun quite a bit. What year of marriage has butt plugs as the anniversary gift?
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May 11, 2018 16:33
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- MarcusSA
- Sep 23, 2007
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You bought her a butt plug after one week?
Hey man no judgement there.
We’ve all been there.
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May 11, 2018 16:37
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- But Rocks Hurt Head
- Jun 30, 2003
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by Hand Knit
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Pillbug
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quote:
Fast forward to two hours later and I'm on the phone with the police and she's live texting her suicide attempt to me.
The future owns
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May 11, 2018 16:41
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- MarcusSA
- Sep 23, 2007
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I morbidly want to see this text exchange.
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May 11, 2018 16:42
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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they're really not all that entertaining
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May 11, 2018 16:44
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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My headcanon is still that she has no designs on him and just wants her buttplug back right now (plus the lotion obv, that's a buttplug accessory) because she is simply that bored
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May 11, 2018 16:44
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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Miss Manners here to remind you, if you're going to return your ex's buttplug by mail please don't return it unwashed
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May 11, 2018 16:46
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- But Rocks Hurt Head
- Jun 30, 2003
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by Hand Knit
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Pillbug
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You bought her a butt plug after one week?
It's this or Greedo
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May 11, 2018 16:46
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Well, butt plugs are my birthstone so every year.
I laughed at this a little too hard.
Edit: Ring pop or buttplug? Could be both.
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May 11, 2018 17:02
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- Yawgmoth
- Sep 10, 2003
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This post is cursed!
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Miss Manners here to remind you, if you're going to return your ex's buttplug by mail please don't return it unwashed
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May 11, 2018 17:18
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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My (25m) girlfriend (22F) of 6 months, wants to escort and is telling me that I am insecure and controlling for not wanting her to
quote:
She had been on an arranged date with a guy for $500 before we were together that I knew about and am cool with, however, now we were talking and she is annoyed because if theoretically, we were together for the rest of our lives, I would stop her from that source of income.
She is doing just fine financially without the money - can pay rent, eat, and afford to go out and do activities most of the time.
I told her that I am not comfortable with her doing that and she said if you love someone you shouldn't ever tell them not to work somewhere, and I said that this is different.
What do you guys think?
TL;DR; : girlfriend wants to escort and thinks I am selfish for not wanting her to, not sure if she is right?
Not saying I can be a prostitute is abuse.
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May 11, 2018 17:23
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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That's not the passive voice. The passive voice would be "the buttplug is owned by her" versus active voice "she owns the buttplug". I'm not sure there's even a name for the distinction you're making here. Possession versus...not?
it's from Fight Club
e: in Fight Club it's dildos not buttplugs though
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May 11, 2018 17:25
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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My (25m) girlfriend (22F) of 6 months, wants to escort and is telling me that I am insecure and controlling for not wanting her to
Not saying I can be a prostitute is abuse.
If you see her as a long term patner you either ask her for a cut of the profts or renegotiate your contract so shes not your sole supplier.
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May 11, 2018 17:26
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- Switchback
- Jul 23, 2001
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Trying to figure out an ethnicty that would let you get into japan without letting you into Australia and all Ive got is “outstanding warrant”
Brazil? They can get easy electronic visa for Japan but not Australia.
E: he’s Vietnamese and this thread moves way too fast for me
Switchback fucked around with this message at 17:45 on May 11, 2018
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May 11, 2018 17:38
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- HazCat
- May 4, 2009
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That's not the passive voice. The passive voice would be "the buttplug is owned by her" versus active voice "she owns the buttplug". I'm not sure there's even a name for the distinction you're making here. Possession versus...not?
Indefinite article.
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May 11, 2018 17:39
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- hevnz 2 murgatroyd
- Apr 13, 2018
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by Smythe
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she said if you love someone you shouldn't ever tell them not to work somewhere
The one caveat is if that workplace is on top of someone else's dick.
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May 11, 2018 17:39
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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One year after marriage, my (27m) wife (27f) has become an absolute slob
quote:
Later this month it'll have been a year since we got married. Before marriage we were together for 3 years and lived together for one of those. At no point, including during the year we were living together, was she ever this messy.
It's like something flipped a 180 once we got married. By the end of last summer our house (technically condo but it's the first floor of a multi-family house) regularly looked like a bunch of bums had been squatting there, unless I took time every day to stay on top of her mess.
Before marriage she wasn't a tightass about cleanliness and sure there was some clutter here and there. There was never actual dirt, mold, bugs and trash though. I was never embarrassed to have anyone over. It was just an average lived-in home, not sparkling perfect but not a garbage dump. That was fine with me. That's all I'm trying to go back to.
Here's what the house has been like since last summer:
Kitchen: Spilled food on all the surfaces including the floor. Vodka and other liquor left in sticky rings from the bottle bottom on the counters. Smears of ketchup and other condiments that smell really bad really fast. She'll drop something when cooking and just not pick it up, or just put it on the counter. Dried sauce, egg and oils on the stovetop. Burned bits of bread, melted cheese and crumbs in the oven. Splatters of soup/sauce and crumbs all over the inside of the microwave. In the cracks of the floorboards -- rice, hair, dirt, coffee grinds, sugar she spilled two months ago, dried sauce and liquids that she drips on the floor and only does a half-assed job of wiping up. Juice and beer spills that draw ants until I clean it up. Spilled cereal on one of the shelves in the cupboards. Packages of snacks left open that either go stale or get ants. If we don't end up eating fruit fast enough and it starts to go bad, if I don't throw it out it will just sit there rotting away and attracting fruitflies. I have deliberately not thrown something out just to see how long she'll let it go on. It got to a month. It was black, hairy with mold and then I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Same deal with things in the fridge. Any leftovers she doesn't eat, they'll sit and go bad, so she'll just shove it to the back and forget. All sorts of grime on the shelves in the fridge, spilled beer, at any point there's at least a couple things from her that have gotten moldy. The trash going out is my job or else it will sit there overflowing. She'll leave food wrappers, liquor bottles/cans on the table or counters. The trash bin lid has bits of old caked-on food.
Living room: Beer stain on the carpet she never scrubbed out. Beer and soy sauce stains on the couch. The coffee table is covered in her clutter, this is mostly food wrappers, empty cans, old papers from her courses the past couple semesters, dirty dishes, books, makeup, magazines, pieces of mail. Some of these especially all the paper items have started to pile up in other parts of the living room too. She'll open mail, see it's junk and just toss it off to the side to accumulate in a pile. Some of her clothing is also sometimes in a pile taking up half the couch because she doesn't put it away after doing laundry unless I nag her to.
Our bedroom: When she brushes her hair she'll pull the strands out of the brush and let them fall on the floor so there's long hairs everywhere between me vaccuuming. She lets her nail clippings fall on the floor too. Stains on the carpet, probably beer again. Food crumbs because she snacks in bed sometimes, then empty chip bags, beer cans, plastic takeaway containers and other trash around her side of the bed. Her night table is covered in all that garbage. Once I asked her to gather it all up and get rid of it, I even gave her a couple large trash bags to do that. Instead a couple days later I found she'd shoved everything under our bed! There was uneaten food in that crap and she just shoved it under the bed. Along with dirty dishes so I found where all the missing dishes had gone. Her clothes are all over the floor on her side and look dirty from her walking on them and dirt/hair/crumbs getting on them. Her closet and drawers are also stuffed with clothes. She buys more clothes than she could ever wear, so there's no where left to put them all neatly. It may be a space problem as much as a sloppiness problem. But that doesn't explain all the trash. She never throws away useless things either, like burned out bulbs, dead batteries, broken pens, they just lay around for no reason. Over time the junk has kept piling up. I feel like I can never stay on top of it. Her mess is always creeping over into my side of the room. I have to throw stuff out myself or nag her multiple times to clean up. If I throw stuff out myself (actual trash, not items) she gets upset at me for touching her stuff. But if I back off and leave it to her, it hardly ever gets done.
Bathroom: Same deal as the bedroom really but definitely grosser. Old dull razorblades and empty shampoo bottles accumulate from her in the shower unless I throw them out. The couple times I asked her to, she stuffed them in the cabinet under the sink. Used tissues on the floor. Leaves her towels on the floor instead of hanging to dry. Mildew in toilet bowl and shower unless I clean, she never cleans even after promising me she will. She left spilled wine on the floor once and I had to tell her to clean up her own mess. Hair tangled up in shower drain. Flies coming from INSIDE the drain I think. Didn't even know they could live there. She doesn't take out the trash with her tampons after her period. The whole bathroom starts to smell bad because she doesn't wrap them in toilet paper either. A lot of miscellaneous crap under the sink from her -- packages her cosmetics came in, old makeup things, spilled nailpolish, empty beer cans, pills and medicines out of their labelled containers, some kind of fungus growing on the bottom of the cabinet.
Most areas of the house: Roaches. We've had a roach infestation for the past few weeks. We had an exterminator come out, which worked for the first few days, then they were back. Ants will come periodically if I don't get one of her spills early enough. I'm getting terrified we're going to get bedbugs or fleas at this rate and then we'll never be rid of bugs. A few times I have also seen a mouse.
I cannot physically do all the cleanup. I don't understand how one person can produce this much mess. I work most days from 8 to around dinner time and can't physically be there picking up after her. When I get home I'm usually too tired to do more than wipe up any beer and food in the kitchen and try to throw out some trash without her noticing. She also makes it hard for me to even do that because if she does notice, she gets mad at me for going through her stuff. She says she doesn't want me to treat her like a child, but when I say then please act like an adult and clean up after yourself, she never follows through.
I should mention she does a combination of freelance work from home online and taking classes locally, so she has plenty of time at home. Plus I've explained if she took the very short amount of time it takes to throw something away or clean up a spill when it happens, the hours and hours of cleaning we're looking at now would never have to happen.
You might be thinking she's just lazy, but she actually isn't and that's a big reason this infuriates me. She works very hard and usually gets A's in all her classes. She cares a lot about her online projects, has a great reputation with clients. She puts effort into little thoughtful surprises for me and is very loving. It's just as soon as it comes to the state of her home she has no care. I also really feel disrespected because the disorder was minimized when she lived with a roommate before me and then once I moved in. It's only after marriage that she decided to let everything go. Why am I no longer worth keeping a clean home with now that we've had a ceremony?
I've asked that very question. She says she's comfortable relaxing and I don't need to be so uptight about chores. She always says something about being comfortable with me. I don't get it. I am NOT comfortable living in a house with roaches and bad smells from rotten food. I feel dirty unless I shower every day, sometimes twice. I don't want to have anyone visit anymore because of how gross it is.
I tell her all this and she acts like I'm crazy, that it's not a big deal, and won't hurt anyone. That we're saving the environment by not throwing out so much stuff. That she can't clean up spilled beer because then she'll smell like alcohol before class. She does the grocery shopping so she gets to keep food as long as she wants. Etc. There's always some reason she comes up with for why she doesn't need to clean anything. Or other times she's agreeable saying I'm right and she'll finally get on top of it. Then I come home only to find she hasn't done anything, she'll do it "later" which then never happens.
Compared to how she used to be about basic neatness, this change is extreme to me. She doesn't see it. She acts like this is how she's always been and I'm getting upset over nothing. I feel like she's a totally different person when it comes to cleanliness now.
How do I get her to see this? How do I get the household chore division to be more equal?
Tl;dr: After getting married almost a year ago, my wife started becoming messier. Now the house is just downright disgusting in places. She always finds a way to avoid picking up after herself. I'm exhausted trying to keep up with it and never feel completely clean anymore. She doesn't think the state of the house is any problem.
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May 11, 2018 17:42
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- Emmideer
- Oct 20, 2011
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Lovely night, no?
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Grimey Drawer
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oh he's too tired from work
maybe try to set a good example instead of trotting out that ol' piece, maybe she's rebelling over the fact you do nothing yourself
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May 11, 2018 17:45
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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oh he's too tired from work
maybe try to set a good example instead of trotting out that ol' piece, maybe she's rebelling over the fact you do nothing yourself
Reading between the lines she also might have a wee bit of a drinking problem.
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May 11, 2018 17:45
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- Emmideer
- Oct 20, 2011
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Lovely night, no?
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Grimey Drawer
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Reading between the lines she also might have a wee bit of a drinking problem.
there's definitely a lot more things going on in that relationship than just messiness
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May 11, 2018 17:48
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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oh he's too tired from work
maybe try to set a good example instead of trotting out that ol' piece, maybe she's rebelling over the fact you do nothing yourself
He works from 8 to 6pm, so it is longer than normal hours and in the very next sentence mentions that when he does try to clean up she yells at him for going through her things. Hes possibly not the greatest man but his brain at least isnt broken and attracting ants
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May 11, 2018 17:57
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- Emmideer
- Oct 20, 2011
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Lovely night, no?
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Grimey Drawer
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He works from 8 to 6pm, so it is longer than normal hours and in the very next sentence mentions that when he does try to clean up she yells at him for going through her things. Hes possibly not the greatest man but his brain at least isnt broken and attracting ants
ah I missed that bit
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May 11, 2018 17:58
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- Squashing Machine
- Jul 5, 2005
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I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka
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oh he's too tired from work
maybe try to set a good example instead of trotting out that ol' piece, maybe she's rebelling over the fact you do nothing yourself
Shoving dirty dishes under the bed to own your patriarchal husband
This is way beyond a little messy, sounds like she has serious depression and probably a drinking problem
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May 11, 2018 18:06
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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You read that story and blame him? Are you Anne's alt?
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May 11, 2018 18:10
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- Emmideer
- Oct 20, 2011
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Lovely night, no?
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Grimey Drawer
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You read that story and blame him? Are you Anne's alt?
'read' is a strong word
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May 11, 2018 18:11
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 30, 2024 22:20
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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If every single room in your house has never-cleaned alcohol stains and spills of different varieties and colours, you are an alcoholic
send wife to rehab OP
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May 11, 2018 18:16
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May 11, 2018 16:09
Cat Army 
