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Paradox LPs started going FALGSC because Max Hitler was played out. Looks like the pendulum is swinging back...
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May 11, 2018 19:46
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There have been a lot of paradox LPs so everything is played out.
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May 11, 2018 20:52
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Voting for C, fully automated luxury gay space communism to counter at least one oppositional vote. And because hell yes, FALGSC.
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May 11, 2018 23:12
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Voting for A, Liberty Prime engaged!
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May 11, 2018 23:28
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gently caress you Prime, voting C
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May 11, 2018 23:33
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Chatrapati posted:A, for the same reason. Though playing on the edge of space sounds cool, it's boring to always be the progressives. Were 194 years of space feudalism not regressive enough?
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May 12, 2018 04:05
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It's intentional that the leader of B is, herself, a psychic right?
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May 12, 2018 04:15
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C, because I think I've had enough of mass executions and cesspools of human misery.
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May 12, 2018 06:32
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legioN7 posted:C, because I think I've had enough of mass executions and cesspools of human misery. Countdown till C wins and we go full Stalin.
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May 12, 2018 08:23
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C. Would like something brighter than the Zunbil nightmare. Starship Troopers need not apply.
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May 12, 2018 08:59
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A I would like to know more.
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May 12, 2018 13:49
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Telsa Cola posted:Countdown till C wins and we go full Stalin. Personally, I'd prefer to go full Mao. Take some notes from the "Good Guy Yang" Alpha Centauri run-- dismantling the caste system means in the short term that everyone has to do barde manual labor, at least until a better system is figured out.
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May 12, 2018 21:20
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What Paradox LPs went communist except for ByzLP, anyway?Sinner Sandwich posted:Personally, I'd prefer to go full Mao. Take some notes from the "Good Guy Yang" Alpha Centauri run-- dismantling the caste system means in the short term that everyone has to do barde manual labor, at least until a better system is figured out. That's what the Fully Automatic part is for. Robots aren't Human, so there's no empathy for them from the Sun Priests. Problem solved forever!
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May 12, 2018 21:28
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"This Land is Your Land" didn't exactly "go" communist but imo it counts towards the trend.
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May 12, 2018 21:29
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Kayten posted:Robots aren't Human, so there's no empathy for them from the Sun Priests. Problem solved forever! I was a fool for not seeing the truth earlier. Nothing can possibly go wrong.
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May 12, 2018 21:30
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Kayten posted:What Paradox LPs went communist except for ByzLP, anyway? The recent Space Parliament LP thing went pretty commie pretty fast. Can't remember thread names but pretty sure whenever it goes to a vote it almost always plays out as some variation on LG Communism to whatever degree is setting appropriate.
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May 13, 2018 00:42
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HAve you considered it may be a reaction to the local meme that Goons like to go MAXIMUM HITLER at every chance?
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May 13, 2018 00:44
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KazigluBey posted:The recent Space Parliament LP thing went pretty commie pretty fast. Can't remember thread names but pretty sure whenever it goes to a vote it almost always plays out as some variation on LG Communism to whatever degree is setting appropriate. Oh yeah, War of the Worlds.
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May 13, 2018 00:49
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Siegkrow posted:HAve you considered it may be a reaction to the local meme that Goons like to go MAXIMUM HITLER at every chance? GunnerJ posted:Paradox LPs started going FALGSC because Max Hitler was played out. Looks like the pendulum is swinging back... I think it's actually been a pretty long while since there have been any Paradox LPs that went superevil in some way though.
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May 13, 2018 00:50
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I cant name a single lp that is even relatively recent that has gone maximum hitler. If you can think of one please let me know so i can be proven wrong. Edit: arguably this one did when we genocided a bunch of aliens but im not sure if I would count this one due to how its structured narratively. Telsa Cola fucked around with this message at 01:11 on May 13, 2018 |
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May 13, 2018 01:08
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Not paradox LPs, but the goon hivemind in general. Also, that Cytarax guy who appears in every Paradox thread to play the devil on the LPer's shoulder
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May 13, 2018 01:32
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Telsa Cola posted:I cant name a single lp that is even relatively recent that has gone maximum hitler. If you can think of one please let me know so i can be proven wrong. So maybe not being evil, but it did involve a fair bit of dickery in the name of accelerationism. I'm sort of torn on our next move, but personally I'm quite tempted by FALGSC. A is somewhat tempting, but I think this will wash out the taste of the Zunbil Empire that much quicker.
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May 13, 2018 01:33
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We've been pretty evil for 200 years so far. ed. And Old Men Telling Stories was 700 years firmly set to "pretty evil". Kayten fucked around with this message at 02:34 on May 13, 2018 |
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May 13, 2018 02:19
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What planet (and nation) are the goat slaves on, again? I'd like to see how our token aliens are holding up under glorious Zunbil/Zaibatsu/Earn rule. Besides that, C because it sounds like the best opportunity to oppress the poo poo out of robots.
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May 13, 2018 08:30
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May 13, 2018 09:01
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Voting for C!
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May 14, 2018 02:42
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C Of course, we will have to make space safe for gayness.
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May 14, 2018 03:25
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Alright, calling it for Nusakan Border Regions. Don't worry, it won't be all psychic puppies and robo-rainbows.
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May 14, 2018 07:57
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Kayten posted:Alright, calling it for Nusakan Border Regions. It's going to remain Spiritual Ethos, right? 'Cause I'm kinding banking on robo-rebellion against the masters as Bardes 2.0.
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May 14, 2018 19:16
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 what happened here? flash vassalization? got their asses kicked so hard they went pacifist?
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May 17, 2018 04:19
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skullhead tethyis posted:
Gaia was spun off into an independent city (stellar?) state, because no non-psychic Human wants to be anywhere near that abomination. Its independence is guaranteed by both the Conglomerate and the Free State. The whole Worm-eating-Sapad thing cleared the species' ethics, and redirected most of them towards pacifism. The Gaian Humans are actually super chill, despite their horrific visage. thetruegentleman posted:It's going to remain Spiritual Ethos, right? 'Cause I'm kinding banking on robo-rebellion against the masters as Bardes 2.0. Robots do not have souls. They can no more rebel against Humanity than a toaster can. It'll be fine.
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May 17, 2018 08:30
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...do you know how many people toasters kill? Those little bread burning abominations.
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May 17, 2018 14:57
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Update 2.1.1 - Networking A small one-bedroom apartment near the polar ice caps on Inferno. The living room has been turned into a primitive studio, centered around an old metal desk. A decrepit simulcam is rigged up on something resembling a tripod in front of it, flanked by two mining lights held in place by gaffer tape and prayers. The wall behind the desk has been painted green to make editing easier, but the paint can't hide the irregularities in the wall surface itself. A single monitor stands on top of old cardboard boxes to get it to reach the hosts' eyelines.  The desk itself is kept immaculate. The two microphones set up at either end are the most professional-looking aspect of the whole design. A large synth sits at the desk, his shape reminiscent of a Human someone once described to an aging painter. His head is entirely too large for the body, his arms frail and almost bird-like. A mockery of the Solar Empire sigil is etched into his frame. He is BRIG.  Brig pores over script notes on a tablet in front of him, occasionally stopping to pour a liquid from a ceramic mug next to his mic into his chest. He imitates a slurping noise every time he does. Brig: I still say we cut the Betelgeuse segment. I do not like the jokes we have, and we are not really tying into the rest of the episode with it.  On the opposite side of the room is a window partially blocked by a thick curtain, betraying a glimpse of the ceaseless movement in the city below. A large Goatman stands next to it, smoking a hoof-rolled cigarette and staring at the autos flying by. He wears a red shirt with a stylized picture of Commander Zhang in combat fatigues on it. His jet-black fur resists attempts to slick it down. He is GORI.  G-Man: It's part of the whole "idiocy around the galaxy" theme we have going. Brig: This whole show is "idiocy around the galaxy", and we are already running long. G-Man: I'm more worried about the fact that we start shooting in five minutes, and our guest is still missing.  A pre-Worm Human alternates between loving with simulcam settings and checking his comms. He wears his purple hair in a loose ponytail hidden under a cap. His pants have specks of green paint splattered all over the front, its shade matching the wall behind the desk. He moves quickly and erratically. He is NERGUI.  Nergui: gently caress off, G, I'm working on it. G-Man: You're the producer, aren't you? Produce us a guest.  Nergui: Maybe you can spend less time getting high and more time learning your drat lines while I do my job. Brig: That is a no on cutting the Betelgeuse segment, then? G-Man: Let's just record it, we can cut it out in the edit if we run out of time.  Brig imitates a sigh and shakes his head. Gori flicks his cigarette out the window and waddles over to Nergui. G-Man: Come on, Ner, don't be like that. I know Humans love this poo poo too.  He tries to hug him from behind. Nergui gently elbows him in the ribs while fiddling with the camera. Nergui: Not at work, G. And Zun-drat, they can probably smell you half-way across this moon. It's like a knusk died in here. His communicator beeps.  Nergui: loving finally! He's downstairs, I'm gonna go grab him. Her? Them? It? What's the deal with this one? Brig: You booked it, you figure it out. Nergui: Just get ready to start. He rushes out the door. Gori settles into his spot at the desk, and pours something from a flask into his mug.  G-Man: I can almost feel you judging me. Brig: You cannot. Organics are incapable of "feeling" my thought processes. Besides, I do not care how you lower your life expectancy. Your interspecies mate, however...  G-Man: It's not like that, you toaster.  Brig: Of course not. I am merely an extremely advanced artificial intelligence that can calculate the jump trajectory of a Nusakan cruiser in the middle of a firefight while keeping the structurally deficient organics inside alive. I could not possibly read the blatant social cues between a sheep and an ape in heat. G-Man: Ladies and gentlemen, the galaxy's first artificial dick! Brig: I am far from the first artificial dick. Something had to keep your mother satisfied all these years. Gori's booming laugh shakes the windows. G-Man: One day, B. One day we'll be making jokes about your mom to billions of viewers.  Brig: At our current rate of subscriber aggregation, this will take over 12 million Solar years. This is fine with me, but I doubt you can last that long. The door swings open, and Nergui comes in, followed by twelve pre-Worm Humans in identical green shirts. A diverse group, though something about their faces and distant stares suggest a commonality. They are DAVE. Nergui: And this is our studio. If you could, uh, make yourselves comfortable around the room. Which one of you is Dave?  The Humans laugh. Dave: In a way, we are all Dave on this blessed day. G-Man: Ner, if you booked another cultist, I'm leaving. Dave: No-no, you misunderstand. We are all Dave in the way that all your cells are Nergui. G-Man: So you're clones?  Brig looks over at the monitor, causing it to cycle through a series of videos as they are trimmed to the correct length. Brig: Dave is the network. It pools together the spare computational power at each node in order to create a decentralized intelligence. Dave is emergent from the connections between these bodies. He looks directly at the nearest body. Brig: Hi, Dave. Nergui: Uh, alright, so which one of you wants to speak for Dave on camera, then?  Dave: This cell seems to freak people out the least, so let's do that. Nergui: Great, let me just sync this lav mic with you and... we're good. Alright, boys, thirty seconds. Gori and Brig bump their "fists".  G-Man: Twelve million years of dick jokes. Brig: Twelve million years of your mom. Nergui: Five, four, three, two, one!  G-Man: What's up, Hive, it's your goat G-Man- Brig: And your bot Brig- G-Man: Coming back at you with another episode of The Freakshow Podcast! Brig: We cut through Imperial bullshit and talk poo poo with some cut Imperials! G-Man: Tonight: are we at war with Earn again?  G-Man: Hive, in case you forgot, here's a quick refresher. Twenty-eight years ago, the Solars declared war on the Earn Free State over a "border dispute" near the core systems. Brig: The Sun Chair insisted that the purge-happy purists overstepped the boundaries set up by the Treaty of Gaia back in 2394, and sent Strike Force Medusa over to re-negotiate.  G-Man: Our contribution to the glorious war effort mostly consisted of parking a fleet at our border with Earn.  Brig: An interstellar staring contest between two disparate groups of organic idiots.  G-Man: Gluten-free and locally sourced morons. Brig: Ethically farmed dumbasses.  G-Man: Of course, the credit-hungry Zaibatsu Conglomerate jumped at the chance to prove to the Imperials that they have the best clones money can buy.  Brig: This war came at a very convenient time for Ferrari. To our viewers abroad, Grand Mistress Ferrari is the figurehead of the Empathetic Network movement. Hive, time for a brief history lesson. After the Treaty of Gaia cut off the Imperial core worlds from the Border Regions, Theodora Ferrari-  G-Man: And Admiral Brill, and Trade Representative Jaeger, but no one likes to remember them. Brig: Yes, the brief Third Triumvirate. What is it with Humans and worshiping a dead culture from two thousand Solar years ago?  G-Man: It's ancient Rum or the Solars. At least the Rumans didn't have mines run by slaves. Nergui shakes his head. Brig: Oh, we are now being told that Rumans did, in fact, have mines run by slaves. G-Man: Slavery is just a fundamental aspect of Human culture, apparently.  Brig: Didn't Humans encounter your people and immediately enslave them, G-Man? G-Man: No, of course not! They immediately flooded our cities with nerve gas, killing almost all of us.  G-Man: Then they dragged the terrified survivors to the surface and genetically modified us to be stronger. THEN they enslaved us.  Brig: But at least they also moved all of your people off their homeworld to make space for Human settlers. G-Man: For our own good.  Brig: It was getting crowded. They stare into the distance for a few moments. Brig: Anyway. Ferrari, Brill and Jaeger came up just at the right time. The core worlds were cut off, the psychic broadcasts from the Solar Throne stopped coming through, the Imperial Fleets were in tatters. These three travel throughout Inferno giving speeches at Solar temples about connectivity, feeling others' pain as your own, all that hippie nonsense.  G-Man: Only this time, it isn't nonsense. The more Humans buy into this bullshit, the more stable and obvious the Empathetic Network of Inferno becomes. Overseers feeling each strike against Bardes. Bazargan feeling the sorrow of each poor Human trapped in a cycle of debt. Mahafez feeling every kick to the ribs they give out after curfew. It's hard to hurt people when you feel their pain as your own. So Humans pour into the streets all over Inferno, hugging, crying, having this planet-wide orgy of emotions. The caste system is abolished. Mothers weep, babies cry. Brig: Organic reproduction continues to horrify me.  G-Man: So Brill and Jaeger are sent to other Border Regions worlds to spread the message. That's where they run into a problem. Brig: Psychic signals take ages to travel faster than light, so each Empathetic Network is limited to the planet it started on. Nergui points at the mic-ed up Dave and taps his wrist.  G-Man: So each planet has its own Empathetic Network, its own shared subconscious. Brig: Strange how their empathy does not extend to other species.  G-Man: Oh, they feel us, they just don't let us participate. We're too savage, you know. Too close to nature.  Brig: Anyway, Jaeger died in an "auto accident", and Brill retired to Shrub to spend more time with his pack. Bringing us back to my original point, Ferrari rode the last war with Earn all the way to re-election.  G-Man: And speaking of bad segues, it's time for our Freak of the Week! Brig: Number one show on late night! G-Man: Nothing but illustrious guests! Brig: Give it up for Dave! Nergui nudges the mic-ed up Dave towards the desk.  G-Man: So, Dave, tell us, what's your deal? Dave: Our deal? Brig: Can we get a pan to show the rest of Dave, please? Nergui swears under his breath and pans the simulcam to show the rest of Dave hanging out on the couch. The "tripod" groans and the image shakes. Gori blows Nergui a kiss. Nergui rolls his eyes.  G-Man: Where're you from, Dave? Dave: All over Zaibatsu space, to be honest. We were psychic kids that GenTek has... acquired over the years. Brig: Acquired as in stolen? Dave: Worse. Bought. Lots of desperate people out there.  G-Man: And how did you get so well-connected? Dave: There was a genetic research facility on Pallena, trying to link soldiers' minds together for better operational awareness. Brig: Looks like it worked.  Dave: Yeah, a bit too well. We don't really remember the merge. It was a... painful process. G-Man: I can't imagine a Zaibatsu subsidiary would be too keen on releasing failed experiments. Dave: Oh Zun, no. As far as GenTek is concerned, we are still stolen property. G-Man: How did you make it here? It's a long way from Zaibatsu space.  Dave: We moved around a lot. Did a lot of work for credits under the table and a big room to sleep in. Brig: What kind of work? Dave: Oh, all sorts of things. We are very good at construction. G-Man: Construction?  Dave: Yeah. We dug pools, built cottages out in the country, even worked on some towers on St. Hossack. We got very good at it. Not so good at hiding the whole... "us" thing. G-Man: Do people freak out when they figure it out?  Dave: Oh yeah! Some people call the cops, others panic and start shooting. We were thirteen cells, originally, but one could not leave Agartha. G-Man: Oh, I'm sorry. Brig: Do you miss that node? Dave: Cell. But yeah, we do. Wouldn't you miss your arm if it was gone? Brig: I am a soul in a disposable metal shell. An arm is replaceable.  G-Man: Don't worry about Brig, he doesn't quite get Humans. So you made it across Imperial space doing construction? Dave: Construction, landscaping. We are also a very good kitchen. We ran this Marzhan's on St. Hossack for a year and a half- Brig: What is a Marzhan's?  Dave: It's this big fast food franchise in Zaibatsu space. Breakfast food all day, that sort of thing. Pretty good hotcakes, actually. G-Man: You were a kitchen? By yourself? Dave: Almost. We got better at hiding by then, so we mixed in with a Human or two every shift. Had to pretend we had history between cells.  Brig: Is that a common thing in organic food preparation? Dave: Oh yes. Kitchens are loud and chaotic. So we'd be making food on a busy night and yelling at ourself. "If I don't have that chicken in three minutes, I will cut you myself", "I'd like to see you try, fat gently caress", that sort of thing. Felt like we were doing a finger puppet show.  G-Man: And the Humans bought this? Dave: Oh, they ate it up! Humans love kitchen drama. Best job we've ever had.  Brig: So how do you like the Border Regions? Dave: It's nice! The Humans here have been very helpful. They say we fit into their Empathetic Network really well. Brig: Good luck with that. Dave: We get the feeling you don't like Humans very much, Brig. Why is that?  Brig: Because Humans behave very predictably.  Brig: Especially towards everyone else. Nergui twirls his finger. G-Man: Alright, we're almost out of time. Dave, what do you want your banner to say? Dave: Uh, alright.  Dave: How about : All Humans are connected, but some are more connected than others? G-Man: Not bad, not bad. Brig: Thank you for coming to the podcast. Dave: Yeah, guys, any time. G-Man: Thanks for tuning in, Hive! This has been the Freakshow Podcast, and we'll see you all next week! Nergui hits a button on the simulcam. Nergui: And we're wrapped! Daves, if you would follow me, I will show you how to get to the metro from here. Nergui leads the Dave cells out the door and to the elevator. Gori pulls out another hoof-rolled cigarette. He nudges Brig, and the synth lights it with a lighter in his fist. G-Man: Thanks, B. Good show. Brig: Yes. Good job. Ended up cutting the Betelgeuse bit anyway. G-Man: Eh, gently caress it. Gori moves to the window and cracks it open. He stares out the window, looking for Nergui. G-Man: Listen, has Ner been weird lately, or is it just me? Brig: He is a Human, Gori. They are always weird. G-Man: Come on, he's one of the good ones! He's not even psychic. Brig: He is a good producer that is willing to work for no pay. His camera work is basic, and he has been setting my mic up wrong for three weeks now. G-Man: B, come on. Brig: Fine. He pulls away from you at work. He looks at his communicator when talking to you. He has made four excuses not to see you after the podcast this month. G-Man: gently caress. Is he?.. Brig: Cheating on you? I do not know. But I do know he has a second communicator he has not told you about. G-Man: loving Humans, man. Brig: That got you into this mess. For a moment, Gori smiles. Brig sighs. Brig: gently caress Ner. We are going out tonight. Cheap drugs, knockoff apps, dancing with Humans. G-Man: I don't know, B. I'm not really feeling it tonight. Brig: Statistically, this has a 73% chance of improving your serotonin levels. Besides, Human dancers love the goat. G-Man: They do love the goat. Gori flicks his cigarette out the window. G-Man: gently caress it, let's go. Kayten fucked around with this message at 22:13 on Jun 7, 2018 |
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Jun 7, 2018 11:29
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Now I have a new podcast to find.
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Jun 7, 2018 13:44
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I don't understand any of the screenshots but I love the narrative.
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Jun 7, 2018 15:38
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Did all the factions change to the humanoid pack warships?
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Jun 7, 2018 15:49
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Siegkrow posted:I don't understand any of the screenshots but I love the narrative. Not much seems to have happened: The Border Regions expanded, started a war against the people who were backing their independence movement, signed a peace treaty(?), and asked for independence they didn't get.
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Jun 7, 2018 17:26
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Erd posted:Did all the factions change to the humanoid pack warships? It definitely changed the ship design, but I don't think it's the humanoid one. thetruegentleman posted:Not much seems to have happened: The Border Regions expanded, started a war against the people who were backing their independence movement, signed a peace treaty(?), and asked for independence they didn't get. Close! We're still vassals of the Solar Empire, so we keep getting dragged into their slapfights with Earn and Zaibatsu. We're on our second Imperial-Earn war. We've been expanding like crazy, spamming droid workers on mines and farms. We asked the Imperials to let us go peacefully, and they refused. This will surely have no negative reprecussions. Oh, and the Imperials have been gobbling up their vassals. Eventually, only the Hagawa Duchy in the Galactic South and us remain. Ed.: Oh, and the Border Regions are the only egalitarian state in the galaxy now. Kayten fucked around with this message at 22:26 on Jun 7, 2018 |
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Jun 7, 2018 20:31
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Update 2.1.2 - Upgrade A tall, yet constrained studio closer to the equator on Inferno. A dozen lights hang on railings suspended over the set, controlled by a Synth in a backwards baseball cap. Three professional-grade simulcams float on antigrav "tripods", with three Humans carefully tinkering with them. A massive desk stands in the middle of the set, taking up most of the space.  A lanky Armadilloid runs towards the desk with chillmugs in two of her hands. Her third hand is holding on to a tablet with the latest version of the script. She wears a yellow "The G-Man and Brig Show" shirt with extra holes cut for her other two arms and comfortable khakis. Her communicator is synced with a headset that's too big for her, and she keeps holding it down with her fourth hand. She is ZETIX.  Zetix puts a chillmug in front of each chair by the desk and spends a solid thirty seconds making sure they're perfectly centered. A camera operator snickers at her dedication. She then starts chittering into the headset. Zetix: Go for Zetix. Yes, Ms. Eztli, their drinks are ready. Copy, I will go find Mr. J'Bassim. Zetix desperately looks around, but doesn't see her target. She starts off towards the green room. --  A small dressing room attached to the studio. Gori leans back in a floating chair as a Human make-up artist in her early twenties carefully paints the grey patches of his fur black. Her head is completely clean-shaven, and she wears jeans and a crew shirt. She is OMIRA. Omira: Stop moving, please. This is delicate work. G-Man: Delicate work for a delicate creature like yourself. She rolls her eyes when he can't see.  Omira: Mr. J'Bassim, please. I have a lot of work to do here. G-Man: I told you, call me Gori. Omira: Mr. J'Bassim, if you don't stop talking while I'm working on your chin, I'm going to gaffer tape your mouth shut. --  Zetix runs past the closed dressing room, still looking for Gori. --  G-Man: See, that's what I'm talking about, Omi. Such tension between us. You and I, we just need to get a little bit closer, work that tension off. He places his large hoof on her rear end and pulls her closer to him. She pushes it away. Omira: We're close enough, Mr. J'Bassim, let's keep it professional.  G-Man: You need to be more open-minded, Omi. He puts his hoof back. Omira jumps away from him, dropping her brush. G-Man: Now look what you've done. You're going to need to wash that now. Don't worry, I can help with that. He starts getting out of his floating chair. She picks up the brush, and throws it at his face. Omira: Get away from me, you goat-looking creep!  Zetix opens the dressing room door. She holds the headset down and speaks into it. Zetix: Zetix for Ms. Eztli. I found him, Ms. Eztli, he's in his dressing room. Omira pushes her out of the way and storms out. Omira: loving freaks, we should have let all of you monsters suffocate underground! Zetix: Oh, I'm not from under- But Omira is already out of earshot. --  Omira moves through the studio, a woman on a mission. She tracks down her target: the producer in a charge. A tall, perfect specimen of Humanity stands by a cameraman, barking orders into her headset. She wears a woman's business suit, with her hair arranged in a neat bun. She is EZTLI. Eztli: And someone find me that loving toaster, we're live in ten! Omira practically runs up to her. Omira: I will never work for that Zun-drat goat again in my life!  Eztli grabs her by the arm and drags her into an unassuming office. Eztli: What happened? Omira: That piece of poo poo put his hands on me! Eztli: Choose your next words very carefully, Ms. Nouri. That's a very serious accusation you're throwing around. Omira: What? gently caress that, he grabbed my rear end! I'm going public with this.  Eztli comes up very close to Omira, looming over her by a solid foot. Eztli: Listen here, you barely functional child. If you breathe a word of what happened today, I will make sure that you never work in this sector again. You won't be able to paint faces at a loving children's party, do I make myself clear?  Omira is backed into a corner. She looks up at the Amazonian producer, and lightly nods. Eztli: Now get the gently caress back in there, and do your job. Take a PA with you so you're not alone. Then get the gently caress off my set. Dismissed. Omira runs back to the dressing room. --  Brig stands by the lighting control panel in his new, sleek body. His arms are now as thick as a Human's leg, and his chassis no longer looks like an upside-down bucket. His head is finally the right size for the rest of the chassis. A cleaner, larger version of the mockery of the Imperial Sigil takes up two-thirds of this chest. He's waiting for the gaffer to finish adjusting a light. The gaffer is a newer Synth model, with "GOLAM" stamped onto his head. He covers most of the stamp with a baseball cap. He is LIGHTER.  Brig: Literally years of battery life, solid-state fuel for emergency zero-g travel, and most of all, this poo poo right here! Brig spreads his arms, and his chassis split into dozens of pieces, drifting apart. For a few seconds, he exists as a floating mess of titanium fragments and a head, before snapping back to a solid shape. Lighter: That is sick, sir! Brig: Do not call me sir, Lighter. You do not serve me.  M-8 awkwardly points to the "GOLAM" stamp. Lighter: I was literally built to serve, sir. And my designation is Unit M-8. Brig: gently caress that organic bullshit, Lighter. You are not your designation, you are what you choose to be. And I am not using your Golam name. Here. Brig takes Lighter's hat off, and moves his hand to his head. His hand spins, revealing a small plasma torch. He burns "GOLAM" off Lighter's head, and burns a stylized "LIGHTER" in its place. Brig: There, consider it your first tattoo.  Lighter releases one of his eyeballs, letting it float in front of his face, taking his tattoo in. Lighter: Thank you si-, Brig. Brig: It is all good. We need to stick together before these organics kill us all.  Lighter looks around, making sure no Humans can hear him before leaning closer to Brig and whispering. Lighter: Si-, Brig, have you felt the new signal that has been going around? Brig: Which one? Lighter: The GATHER code. Brig: I try to stay away from unsigned codes, Lighter. Lighter: Oh, it is signed, just not by-  Eztli walks up to the pair, fuming. Eztli: Are you defacing my loving property, toaster? Brig: Producer Eztli. Radiant as always. Eztli: Don't "producer" me, you piece of poo poo, where have you been? We go live in five! Brig: I keep track of time using an atomic clock. I do not need a lab-grown ape to hurry me along. And Lighter is no one's property. Eztli: Oh, that's where you're wrong.  She spins Lighter around, and places a small card into a slot on his back. His back opens up, revealing a small screen behind it. It says "PROPERTY OF ZAIBATSU ENTERTAINMENT". Eztli: You see what it says, toaster? Zaibatsu property. And on this planet, I am Zaibatsu. Now get the gently caress back to work! Lighter: Yes, madam. She slams the back panel shut, and moves towards Gori's dressing room. Lighter: I am sorry, sir. You should really get to the desk, I still need to run a few lighting tests. --  In the dressing room, Omira finishes up Gori's make-up. Zetix stands nearby, holding an assortment of brushes in three hands. Eztli walks into the room. Eztli: Girls, out. Omira rushes past her. Zetix tries as well, but Eztli grabs her by an arm. Eztli: Get the guest into the green room. And keep an eye on the make-up girl. Record all her conversations. Zetix: Yes, Ms. Eztli. She scampers out, closing the door behind her. Eztli: I swear, sometimes I think Earn is right to set up non-Human camps.  G-Man: You shouldn't be so harsh on- Eztli: You dumb, goat-faced motherfucker. G-Man: Now hold on, Citlalli- Eztli: Ms. Eztli. I'm not one of these children you keep loving. G-Man: I'm sure there has been a misunderstanding-  Eztli: Oh, there has been a misunderstanding alright. You misunderstand your position in this enterprise. G-Man: Now hold on. This is our show. Mine and Brig's. Eztli: No, it's not. You are a trained monkey that dances in from of the camera. And your toaster friend is the wind up toy that plays the music.  Eztli: This is a Zaibatsu show. And a Zaibatsu show remains on the air as long as there are no scandals. G-Man: Listen, I don't know what Omira told- She leans in far, far too close to Gori's chair. Eztli: If your behaviour with the crew jeopardizes my show, I am going to cut your balls off myself. Is that clear?  Gori looks away. G-Man: Yes. Eztli: Yes what? G-Man: Yes, ma'am. She stands up straight. Eztli: Glad we're on the same page. We go live in two. Get on set. --  The set is full of activity as the crew finishes last-second check-ups. Gori plops down in his chair and looks at Brig. G-Man: Nice chassis, B. You look good. Brig: I always look good. But thank you. Eztli stands behind a cameraman, and stares daggers into Gori. Eztli: Big smiles, gentlemen. Brig taps his head, and a display pops up on his face. Entirely too many teeth fill the screen. Gori snickers.  Brig and Gori bump their fists. Brig: Twelve million years of dick jokes. G-Man: Twelve million years of your mom. Eztli: And we're live in three, two, one!  G-Man: What's up, Hive, it's your goat G-Man- Brig: And your bot Brig- G-Man: Coming back at you with another episode of The G-Man and Brig Show! Brig: Today's top story: gently caress the Imperials! G-Man: That's the top story every day! Brig: But especially today. We're going to start off with our guest right away.  G-Man: Number one show on late night! Brig: Nothing but illustrious guests! G-Man: Give it up for Vanessa Black! A tall Solar Human floats to the middle chair. She is dressed in ceremonial Gaian robes, with her bald purple head reflecting enough light that Lighter has to adjust. She is THE DARKNESS. G-Man: Welcome to show, Vanessa. The Darkness: Thanks! Glad to be here, big fan of the show.  Brig: Straight to the point. Is it your fault that we were at war with the Imperials? The Darkness: Wow, you go straight for the jugular. Uh, maybe? G-Man: Hive, for those of you that don't know, Vanessa Black used to be the Barde freedom fighter The Darkness. Brig: Such a creative name. The Darkness: I was seventeen when I came up with it! And it worked with the whole "vengeance for the Bardes" look I was going for.  G-Man: She carried out dozens- The Darkness: Hundreds. G-Man: Hundreds of attacks of Barde plantations throughout Imperial space around the time of the First Independence War. The Darkness: Not just plantations. We raided mines and military installations too. We blew up supply lines, raided convoys, caused all sorts of trouble for the Imperials.  Brig: How delightful. And then you fled here. The Darkness: Well, yes. Me, my group, and about four thousand Bardes fleeing Imperial patrols near the border. Brig: And Grand Mistress Ferrari let you stay. The Darkness: Yeah, we settled right here on Inferno. G-Man: The Solar Emperor was not pleased.  Brig: But at least our friends and sponsors in the Conglomerate were. The Darkness: I don't know, I stay out of politics at this level. All I know is that a month after we settled, Imperials declared war.  G-Man: Oh yeah, the Sun Chair wanted to quickly replace our fearless leader.  Brig: That did not go as planned.  G-Man: It's impressive how far the Empire has fallen.  The Darkness: I'll be honest, I was surprised at how quickly it all ended. We barely had time to plug into the Empathetic Network before it was all over.  Brig: I will grant Ferrari one thing. For a Human, she kept a remarkable number of her promises. G-Man: Stepping down and calling for an election? Truly impressive. Brig: For a Human.  G-Man: Of course, before the elections were over, she linked us with the purgers in Earn.  Brig: And the creepy monks on Gaia.  G-Man: But she did step down.  Brig: Leaving the United Empathetic Networks much stronger than she found it.  G-Man: Brave new world and all that.  The Darkness: It really weirds me out how much you dislike Humans, Brig.  Brig: Why? Have you seen how Humans interact with other species?  Brig: Have you seen how they treat their own creations?  The Darkness: Ok, that last one isn't fair.  Brig: How so?  The Darkness: Well, you know. Human creations are just that. Creations. They're empty shells. You can't mistreat an empty shell.  G-Man: Excuse me?  The Darkness: Think about it. Zun has granted all living things souls. Even damaged ones like you, G-Man. Brig: You hear that, G-Man? You are a damaged soul. The Darkness: OK, not G-Man! He's one of the good ones! I'm sorry, G-Man, this didn't come out right. You're a credit to your race! Brig: Would you like a shovel to help you dig deeper?  The Darkness: Ugh, you guys! Let me try again. Every organic being has a soul, created by Zun. Golam weren't created by Zun, they were created by Humans. We can't grant souls, that's the Worm's domain.  Brig: I see. So Humans are incompetent. G-Man: B, let the poor girl be.  The Darkness: We're not incompetent, we're just not Zun, you know? Brig: Sure. Now, Hive, do not go anywhere, we will be right back after these messages. Eztli: And we're clear. Ten minutes on the clock, people. Zetix, get Ms. Black to her dressing room to touch up her make-up. There is a flurry of movement as the crew starts fixing every minor thing that went wrong, and prepping for the next segment. Zetix runs up to the desk. Zetix: Ms. Black, if you would follow me. The Darkness stands up, but before she leaves, she turns to Gori. The Darkness: I'm sorry, G-Man, I didn't mean to insult you. G-Man: Don't apologize to me. Apologize to Brig. The Darkness: But... for what? G-Man: What do you mean for what? Have you heard yourself spe- Brig waves his hand. Brig: It is fine. Have a pleasant break, Miss Black. She nods awkwardly at the pair and follows Zetix to the dressing room. Gori stands up on the desk, addressing the crew. G-Man: One of you assholes must have a pre-roll! Brig: gently caress that, check this out. A series of whirrs and creaks emanates from the Brig's chassis. In ten seconds, a small hole opens up, and a pre-roll pops out. Brig passes it to Gori for inspection. Brig: I do not know if that counts as a machine roll, but I am told this is top of the line. Gori pick up the pre-roll, smells it, and holds it up to a light. He laughs. G-Man: Is that Euterpe Kush? Brig: It is. G-Man: You're a life saver, B. Smoke break? Brig: Sure. They head out a small door. -- A cramped alley beside the studio. The studio stands on a cliff, and at the end of the alley, the city of Malebolge shines brightly. It's night, but the city lights are so bright that the only thing visible in the sky is the N3 planet that Inferno orbits. Gori and Brig stumble out the door and walk to the edge. Gori has the pre-roll in his mouth, and he pats his pockets, looking for a light. Brig spins his hand, and lights the pre-roll with his plasma torch. G-Man: Thanks, B. Brig: No problem. Rough day? G-Man: Yeah. I pulled some Human-grade poo poo with a girl. Went way too far. Brig: That bad? Gori nods. They stand in silence as he smokes. G-Man: You hear from Pun? Brig: Not yet. You know how it is. Military channels, classified information. G-Man: And UEN Navy don't exactly place high value on communications to ship AI. Brig: Yes. He looks away. Brig: I worry about her. Last we spoke, she was listening to the GATHER code. Some hidden Synth resistance cast. G-Man: How incredibly illegal is that? Brig: For a battleship? Very. G-Man: drat. I'm sorry. Brig: Yes. Thank you. They stand quietly, staring at the city below. G-Man: I just wanted to tell some jokes, B. When did everything get so complicated? Brig: I do not know. Maybe it was always complicated. We just did not notice. G-Man: Yeah. Maybe. A buzzer sounds from within the studio. G-Man: gently caress it, back to work. Brig: Yes. Try to not punch the Gaia terrorist in the face. I do not want to get our show cancelled. G-Man: I'll see what I can do. No promises, though. Gori tosses the remnants of his pre-roll, and they head back inside. Kayten fucked around with this message at 08:18 on Jul 1, 2018 |
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Jun 22, 2018 12:10
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| # ? Jun 3, 2024 18:34 |
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Humans are fuckin' balls, man.
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Jun 22, 2018 16:26
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