/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

value-brand cereal posted:

I'm posting the update only since the first post in wiped and ceddit.com can't retrieve it. Sorry if this was posted before,

[UPDATE] My best friend (30) watched my gf (24) commit suicide.◉ Locked Post ◉

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2l8g3r/update_my_best_friend_30_watched_my_gf_24_commit/

what the gently caress

# ? May 31, 2018 03:57

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# ? May 31, 2024 06:26

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

value-brand cereal posted:

I'm posting the update only since the first post in wiped and ceddit.com can't retrieve it. Sorry if this was posted before,

[UPDATE] My best friend (30) watched my gf (24) commit suicide.◉ Locked Post ◉

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2l8g3r/update_my_best_friend_30_watched_my_gf_24_commit/

I'm pretty sure the original was posted here. Unless there's another guy whose friend knew the details of his girlfriend's suicide and didn't tell them until later.
Those last few paragraphs, tho :stare:

andrew smash posted:

what the gently caress

Peaceful Anarchy fucked around with this message at 04:06 on May 31, 2018

# ? May 31, 2018 04:03

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Jesus Christ. I mean there's a time and place where I would indeed let a heinous person die to save a friend but I'd have the fuckin' courtesy to take it to the grave. That's one of the darkest relationships posts yet.

# ? May 31, 2018 04:07

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

value-brand cereal posted:

I'm posting the update only since the first post in wiped and ceddit.com can't retrieve it. Sorry if this was posted before,

[UPDATE] My best friend (30) watched my gf (24) commit suicide.◉ Locked Post ◉

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2l8g3r/update_my_best_friend_30_watched_my_gf_24_commit/

Your friend is a psychopath with some useful pro-social traits. Good luck.

# ? May 31, 2018 04:07

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Apart from the WTCrux of the situation, the friend sounds exceptionally like the kind of person I�d want having my back.

That�s a huge �apart from� though. I just read through it and I still can�t figure out how to feel about it.

# ? May 31, 2018 04:08

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

walter white?

# ? May 31, 2018 04:08

blugu64: Jul 17, 2006; Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?

value-brand cereal posted:

So I sat down, she kept crying and begging me to call you - I told her I wasn't going to call anyone. She sort of stopped crying then, and asked me if I was going to call an ambulance. I told her no, I wasn't going to - she said that I had to, I told her that no, I didn't. She said she'd made a mistake and I told her that yes, she probably had. I told her that I was sorry, but that she had made her decision and that I wasn't going to help her to hurt you anymore.

I'm feeling like this guy really needs to call a lawyer or something, and get that in writing.

# ? May 31, 2018 04:12

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

blugu64 posted:

I'm feeling like this guy really needs to call a lawyer or something, and get that in writing.

The guy sent it by email to him, so he has it.

# ? May 31, 2018 04:13

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

value-brand cereal posted:

I'm posting the update only since the first post in wiped and ceddit.com can't retrieve it. Sorry if this was posted before,

[UPDATE] My best friend (30) watched my gf (24) commit suicide.◉ Locked Post ◉

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2l8g3r/update_my_best_friend_30_watched_my_gf_24_commit/

And nothing of value was lost.

if it had been a genuine suicide attempt it would be a different story, but attempting to weaponize a near miss to manipulate someone is the kind of thing the world does not need.

# ? May 31, 2018 05:11

LimburgLimbo: Feb 10, 2008

Beachcomber posted:

And nothing of value was lost.

if it had been a genuine suicide attempt it would be a different story, but attempting to weaponize a near miss to manipulate someone is the kind of thing the world does not need.

Nah gently caress this. Being lovely enough to use suicide attempts to manipulate someone is awful, but sitting by and knowingly watching someone die is maybe the only more hosed up.

# ? May 31, 2018 05:32

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

I [30F] found out my husband [30M] of a year spies on people for fun.

quote:

My husband Dave and I have been friends with another couple, Lia and George, since last summer when we moved here after getting married. We all get together a couple times a month for drinks and game nights. Sometimes I'll hang out with Lia or Dave will hang out with George. Dave and George sometimes get drinks together in addition to the times we all go out as a group. They go out once or twice a week typically.

Well yesterday was one of those nights. Today, I got a call from Lia. She told me last night she was trying to reach George, but he wasn't answering his phone. She got worried and went to the bar to find him. He wasn't at the bar. Her location sharing app showed George on a street a few blocks from the bar. When she got to that spot, she found him and Dave crouched up on a fire escape on the second floor of someone's house. They were both peering in the window. She said my husband's phone was aimed into the window and it looked like he was filming.

So Dave never told me any of this last night. He did seem kind of "off" when he came home but just said he'd had too much to drink and went to bed. I didn't think anything of it. Now I realize he was anxious because he'd been caught. He also left for work quickly this morning, not saying much to me.

Lia went on to tell me that George admitted to her this is a hobby of his and Dave's. She said he actually tried to lie about it being a one time stupid idea while drunk, but she found pictures and videos in his phone dating back months.

Apparently for the past few months, most of the times my husband has gone out with him they've been doing this. They sneak around to random houses in our area at night through back pathways, peeping into people's windows for fun. They take turns recording things they see. Lia found several pictures of women undressing, people on the toilet or otherwise in a bathroom, a picture of a guy watching porn, and a bunch of video clips of this one family having loud arguments.

Lia was disgusted by this. She said she didn't think Dave would tell me so she wanted me to know. She said George keeps playing it off as a joke, that they just like to see people doing weird or funny things. What is weird or funny about using the toilet or changing clothes in the privacy of your own home? Recording that is so gross and disturbing to me. Who does that? How is this a "hobby"?

Dave should be home from work soon and I'm planning to confront him. I expect he'll have already deleted everything from his phone.

Is there any hope of ever trusting him to go out with George again, or I guess even alone or with anyone else? I'm deeply creeped out and just baffled how this was something my husband thought was okay to do. How do I know they never spied on me? What if they're putting this on the internet for perverts? It's got to be illegal. I don't want to throw away a 5-year relationship that's been amazing, but I'm seriously feeling like I don't know him now. Any tips on what I should do going forward now would be really appreciated. Thanks.

TL;DR: Found out my husband and a mutual friend have been routinely spying on people around our neighborhood together at night, including taking pictures and videos, through windows. Very creeped out. Need to confront him about it tonight.

# ? May 31, 2018 05:43

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

value-brand cereal posted:

I'm posting the update only since the first post in wiped and ceddit.com can't retrieve it. Sorry if this was posted before,

[UPDATE] My best friend (30) watched my gf (24) commit suicide.◉ Locked Post ◉

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2l8g3r/update_my_best_friend_30_watched_my_gf_24_commit/

this is the most ice cold thing anyone has ever done
this guy might actually be a secret robot programmed to help this guy, I don't even know if I'm joking

# ? May 31, 2018 05:51

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

La Brea Carpet posted:

I [30F] found out my husband [30M] of a year spies on people for fun.

This is fascinating because serial killers usually work alone. This woman has no idea what a rare and amazing thing she's witnessing from a front row seat.

# ? May 31, 2018 05:51

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Unless there's another guy whose friend knew the details of his girlfriend's suicide and didn't tell them until later.

yeah there was another one but in that one they found her after she was dead and lied to the guy that it was peaceful instead of apparently horrific, but told him the truth later

this one is just actually terrifying

# ? May 31, 2018 05:53

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

La Brea Carpet posted:

I [30F] found out my husband [30M] of a year spies on people for fun.

The device he was using to record people, the phone, has this other function where you can use it to summon help. From a government authority, like the Police, who are trained in handling these matters. To be blunt: Lady, your husband is a creep and belongs in prison with his buddy George.

# ? May 31, 2018 07:10

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

LimburgLimbo posted:

Nah gently caress this. Being lovely enough to use suicide attempts to manipulate someone is awful, but sitting by and knowingly watching someone die is maybe the only more hosed up.

Oh it's definitely hosed up, but having firsthand* suicide experience, it's not something anyone should go through. To deliberately do that to hurt someone... I'm not shedding any tears.

^{*Secondhand? I'm not a ghost.}

# ? May 31, 2018 07:18

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

value-brand cereal posted:

I'm posting the update only since the first post in wiped and ceddit.com can't retrieve it. Sorry if this was posted before,

[UPDATE] My best friend (30) watched my gf (24) commit suicide.◉ Locked Post ◉

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2l8g3r/update_my_best_friend_30_watched_my_gf_24_commit/

This man has actual ice in his veins holy loving Christ

# ? May 31, 2018 08:42

soy: Jul 7, 2003; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

La Brea Carpet posted:

What is weird or funny about using the toilet or changing clothes in the privacy of your own home? Recording that is so gross and disturbing to me. Who does that? How is this a "hobby"?

Donno sounds pretty funny to me

# ? May 31, 2018 10:00

champagne posting: Apr 5, 2006; YOU ARE A BRAIN
IN A BUNKER

Blade Runner posted:

This man has actual ice in his veins holy loving Christ

I doubt he's actually a man and not a vengeful but compassionate robot sent from the future to protect OP at any cost.

# ? May 31, 2018 10:06

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

Do you want dead kids? Cos this is how you end up with dead kids

How do I (64M) get my wife (55F) to stop sending our heroin addict son (21M) nearly a thousand dollars a month? She seems incapable of understanding how this enables him.

quote:

u/paradeinteemc
Son was a good kid, relatively. He partied a bit starting at like 16-17, but he always got good grades, very good grades. Me and my wife was wealthy, specifically on her side of the family we inherited millions of dollars worth of property and ended up making more money from it through real estate in NYC in the 90s and 2000s. We gave him the best upbringing possible, private schools, tutors etc. He got into New Paltz in upstate new york. Then we found out, two semesters in, that he had dropped out. Then we found he tried heroin while he was up there. Then we found out he was an addict. Me and my wife were obviously very upset and distraught, so we got him into rehab and brought him back home after thinking he was fine. We thought he was fine, until he stole a bunch of our stuff and left us for 4 days, then he apologized, said he relapsed and it wouldn't happen again, then two days later stole more stuff and left. For a year we didn't speak to him, partially because he never reached out to us. Then he came back, we put him back into rehab. He came back out of rehab, stayed with us again, then tried stealing again, but this time we caught him in the act and he wrestled with my wife and ended up smashing a telephone in her face and giving her a big black and blue. 2 months went by, he asked to go to rehab AGAIN, then he apparently ran away from the rehab after getting into a fight with the counselor, and then he robbed someone and went to jail. Then he came at our doorstep, asked to stay at our place, when we said no, he threw a fit and nearly got physical again. After that? Nope, done. I love him, but that was too far. We have 2 other children. At that point, he was on his own.

So months and months went by. Me and my wife were obviously distraught over him, we still are. Then... I found texts on my wifes phone from him asking to meet. I was confused, I decided to look further... turns out my wife has been giving him money. Like typically 700 a month but sometimes more. One month he said he had 'extra' expenses and asked for 1,200. I snooped on her phone for these, which I typically wouldn't do, but honestly this was a big deal.

I was just shocked and disturbed. Not to say this was a lot of money or that I am worried about the money, I don't want to give me and my wifes net worth but it is enough that that it is practically nothing, but still... just... he should not be having that money. He clearly will spend it all on drugs.

I decided to confront my wife about this and she just cried mostly. I told her what it means to enable someone and everything... I mean we have talked about that before. She just said she couldn't leave him to be homeless or anything and I told her that it didn't matter and that he will spend it all on drugs. 1,200 dollars a month is a ton of money, it was obvious he was spending it on drugs. She then got defensive and said it was her money, and that the money originally came from her family (which is true, I grew up dirt poor and was poor when I married her) and that she was the one who dealt with the real estate stuff to make us our current wealth (also true). I typically let her deal with finances throughout our marriage.

She just said it was her choice and she said she didn't want to talk about it, and that she didn't want to leave him with nothing. She said she couldn't stand the idea of just abandoning him, and that he is our son and that we cannot just leave him to fend for himself when we clearly have money. I asked if he was pressuring her for money, and she said no, she did this on her own accord because he was apparently squatting in an apartment and she hated the idea of that. I asked her if he was still squatting there, and she just said she has no idea. Figures. He probably is, he is just spending the money on drugs instead of an apartment for himself. We went to bed angry. She then went on a business trip for 2 days the next morning. I don't know what to say when she gets back.

What should I say to her? How do I get it through her head that this is just enabling him as a heroin addict? Again, I don't care about the costs necessarily, but it is really important to not enable addicts. My father in the dominican republic was an alcoholic who was enabled by his cousin who gave him money, it was not good.

TL:DR - - Found out my wife is giving our heroin addict large amounts of money every month, I want her to stop enabling him.

# ? May 31, 2018 12:09

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

/r/relationships: Eventually her blood stopped pulsing out, so I called the ambulance

Good lord

# ? May 31, 2018 12:10

champagne posting: Apr 5, 2006; YOU ARE A BRAIN
IN A BUNKER

Milotic posted:

Do you want dead kids? Cos this is how you end up with dead kids

How do I (64M) get my wife (55F) to stop sending our heroin addict son (21M) nearly a thousand dollars a month? She seems incapable of understanding how this enables him.

Reddit user NarvusSchleibs posted:

Try not to say I told you so when he overdoses

# ? May 31, 2018 12:30

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Suicide Iceman story stuff just comes across as wish fulfillment creative writing tbh. Saves a girl from a stalker, saves a child by diving in front of a car blah blah. The OP is like, "I'm too emotionally compromised to hear this in person, how about you just send me what happened in story form by email" lol

if it was a book people would be ripping on such a ludicrous mary sue

# ? May 31, 2018 12:58

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Boiled Water posted:

I doubt he's actually a man and not a vengeful but compassionate robot sent from the future to protect OP at any cost.

I need more information on him saving the girl from the car

Did he rise from the wreckage as a titanium endoskeleton

# ? May 31, 2018 12:59

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

autistic wolverine, autisterine

# ? May 31, 2018 13:04

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

/r/relationships: Eventually her blood stopped pulsing out, so I called the ambulance

Good lord

/r/relationships: She said she'd made a mistake and I told her that yes, she probably had

# ? May 31, 2018 13:07

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

quote:

I was telling my friend about it, and he said he'd sort it out; soon after I found out from Tracy, the kid was in hospital, as my friend had hired some other kids to beat him up. They didn't do any huge damage but he had several broken ribs, broken nose and bruises etc. He left Tracy alone after that.

Nothing serious, just some broken ribs, brah.

# ? May 31, 2018 13:08

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Jeza posted:

Suicide Iceman story stuff just comes across as wish fulfillment creative writing tbh. Saves a girl from a stalker, saves a child by diving in front of a car blah blah. The OP is like, "I'm too emotionally compromised to hear this in person, how about you just send me what happened in story form by email" lol

if it was a book people would be ripping on such a ludicrous mary sue

I choose to believe this.

# ? May 31, 2018 13:14

venus de lmao: Apr 30, 2007; Call me "pixeltits"

Pvt.Scott posted:

Nothing serious, just some broken ribs, brah.

Movies have made a lot of people think certain injuries are way less serious than they actually are. Broken ribs, gunshots to meaty bits like the shoulder/thighs/rear end, cuts across the palm. Hell, some movies treat knife wounds as practically cosmetic. The hero gets stabbed in the gut and just walks a little slower and winces more.

# ? May 31, 2018 13:20

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Movies have made a lot of people think certain injuries are way less serious than they actually are. Broken ribs, gunshots to meaty bits like the shoulder/thighs/rear end, cuts across the palm. Hell, some movies treat knife wounds as practically cosmetic. The hero gets stabbed in the gut and just walks a little slower and winces more.

On the other hand, people can legitimately get dozens of knife wounds and survive, like the Slenderman stabbing. All depends on the would-be stabber and the knife in question, I imagine. (and 'knife wound' can be just a cut)

And apparently people throw themselves back from gunshots because Hollywood taught them to. Otherwise, most people just drop like a sack of bricks.

# ? May 31, 2018 13:46

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

It�s important to remember at the tender age of 28, it�s all too easy to be manipulated into sleeping with someone who isn�t your husband, and that you have no agency:

How can I (36M) help my wife (34F) (and slightly myself) recover from an abusive relationship?

quote:

u/Polloco
Let me start with a bit of history. My wife and I have been together for 13 years and married for 9. Through that time, we�ve dealt with serious health problems on her part (endometriosis) which resulted in a full hysterectomy at 32 years old about a year and a half ago.

6 years ago I found out she was having an affair. I confronted her, we worked through it with therapy and time, and our marriage grew a lot and we both became better people out of it. I�ve forgiven her and let it go (even if occasionally I still get gnarly quick-flash thoughts about it when something reminds me of it). A few months ago, however, something happened that made her realize how hosed up that whole situation was. The guy was about 25 years older than her and, in my wife�s recollection of events, basically slowly manipulated and emotionally abused her into the whole situation. Given that the affair hasn�t been an issue for us for over 5 years now, I have no reason to believe that she�s making any of this up, so that�s not something that�s really a concern for me.

Last night, during a rather emotional conversation, she told me that, right now, the idea of sex at all makes her sick to her stomach (this was after I mentioned that we hadn�t been intimate in over 2 months, with a total of 4 times this entire year). While I know it has nothing to do with me, it�s still hard to understand and not take personally on an emotional level. I�m a very affectionate/intimate person so it�s difficult for me to not be able to receive that from her. My wife has never been the most romantic/affectionate/intimate person (except more near the beginning of our relationship and before the endometriosis caused serious issues all over). Since the revelation of what went down in the affair, she�s been struggling with intimacy and such even more. I�ve been very patient (which is something I had to get used to during the endo period). I don�t want to rush her or make her feel pressured into �getting better� because this is something she needs to work through in her own time or it will never be resolved.

What I�m trying to figure out is how I can help her. Obviously I can listen to her talk (when she wants to talk to me, that is) and I can provide �pep talks� or advice in general about how I�ve faced adversity, but I don�t know if there are other things I can do. She doesn�t seem ready to fully cope with the situation and I�m not sure what to do since I�ve never dealt with this before.

Maybe I already know what to do, and that is to just let time go by and allow it to work itself out. Part of this is asking how I can cope with this and handle it for myself, as well. My wife and I are deeply dedicated to and in love with each other. We know we can get through this, but it's one of the first times in 13 years that I have no idea what to do or how to feel.

Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

TLDR: Wife had an affair 6 years ago that stemmed from a manipulative rear end in a top hat. The realization of manipulation is recent and had caused issues.

# ? May 31, 2018 13:47

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

our marriage grew a lot and we both became better people out of it.

o rly

# ? May 31, 2018 13:50

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Must be quite the thing to be able to so freely and brazenly lie to oneself.

# ? May 31, 2018 13:57

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Movies have made a lot of people think certain injuries are way less serious than they actually are. Broken ribs, gunshots to meaty bits like the shoulder/thighs/rear end, cuts across the palm. Hell, some movies treat knife wounds as practically cosmetic. The hero gets stabbed in the gut and just walks a little slower and winces more.

I cracked a rib once and was mostly useless for a couple of weeks, at least. An single rib, not even fully broken.

# ? May 31, 2018 14:00

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Milotic posted:

It�s important to remember at the tender age of 28, it�s all too easy to be manipulated into sleeping with someone who isn�t your husband, and that you have no agency:

How can I (36M) help my wife (34F) (and slightly myself) recover from an abusive relationship?

Somewhere there's a pete spinning in his grave

# ? May 31, 2018 14:40

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Milotic posted:

It�s important to remember at the tender age of 28, it�s all too easy to be manipulated into sleeping with someone who isn�t your husband, and that you have no agency:

How can I (36M) help my wife (34F) (and slightly myself) recover from an abusive relationship?

You can help her get better by getting a divorce.

# ? May 31, 2018 14:46

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

datajugend posted:

autistic wolverine, autisterine

Nah that sounds like listerine for people on the spectrum

Aspergerine

# ? May 31, 2018 15:06

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

quote:

EDITS:

This all came about recently after she witnessed the same kind of behavior from another coworker towards girls in her workplace. Seeing it from an outside perspective made her realize how hosed up the situation was.

When she tried to bring it up in the beginning with therapists, they all brushed it off so she felt defeated.

The emotional abuse was more based on a slow-build of stalking and persistence. She realizes that not coming to me in the beginning was an issue. She was scared of him and embarrassed of the entire situation. The only time sex entered the picture she was able to shut it down.

When I found out about it, she was relieved. The dude kept harassing her afterwards and I confronted him. She changed jobs as her bosses didn't do jack poo poo.

The other issue is that the hysterectomy caused menopause which fucks with her chemistry. And her menopause wasnt a slow build, she literally went to sleep and woke up a 60 year old woman.

I'm shocked by the negativity in this thread. It's amazing, in this day and age of the whole #metoo and Weinstein poo poo that people are immediately trashing the women. I love and fully trust my wife. I came here for advice on how to FIX the situation and BE SUPPORTIVE, but instead I get a bunch of people making GBS threads on the woman who's been there for me through my own poo poo as much as I've been there for her. People are so loving negative.

gently caress off, guy.

# ? May 31, 2018 15:35

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Wait so it was "an affair" but they never had sex? So what even was it, just this dude stalking her and talking with her a lot?

# ? May 31, 2018 15:39

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 06:26

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Anne Whateley posted:

Wait so it was "an affair" but they never had sex? So what even was it, just this dude stalking her and talking with her a lot?

Why would that completely turn her off the idea of sex?

Not sure what "sex entered the picture" means but probably they had sex once and then she ghosted him (aka the thing she should have done to begin with)

# ? May 31, 2018 15:41

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