Bobby Digital posted:

Lady if you’re considering staying with him, you also have a gambling problem.

Buzkashi posted:

I [26F] found out last night about my husbands [26M] gambling addiction. Lost 200K+. Can we come back from this?

Bobby Digital posted:

Lady if you’re considering staying with him, you also have a gambling problem.

Bobby Digital posted:

Lady if you’re considering staying with him, you also have a gambling problem.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Such an elegant design. Proof of a creator imo

Garrand posted:

Turn off your monitor

Bobby Digital posted:

Lady if you’re considering staying with him, you also have a gambling problem.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

If she wants him to suffer actual consequences, she should just get the feds on his rear end for fraud. Also this:

Buzkashi posted:

Ebola Roulette posted:

Apparently she can't report the fraud because in her state if she's married to someone who commits that type of crime she could lose her license. Of course she might lose her license anyway since the loan he took in her name is from one of the big 4 and she audits for one of them.

So basically

Absurd Alhazred posted:

This loving country.

Also not reporting it makes her an accomplice, which is worse when she's found out. Path of least fuckery is to just turn him in and face the music.

Outrail posted:

I mean it's a gamble but...

fruit on the bottom posted:

Such an elegant design. Proof of a creator imo

Whorelord posted:

what the gently caress is wrong with breastfeeding we've been doing it for *googles evolution of the tit* 310 million years

StrangersInTheNight posted:

some women have even orgasmed during birth. big ole' baby head pressing on the g-spot over and over and all that.

the human body is a loving weird thing, man

elise the great posted:

I mean even that makes more sense to me than breastfeeding giving somebody the jollies. There’s a whole big thing about hypnosis and prep work for orgasmic childbirth but no poo poo, all the how-to manuals for that process literally tell you to just masturbate while laboring, which in my mind moves it from “the human body is mysterious” to “have you tried jacking off with a baby-shaped dildo.”

Meanwhile breastfeeding starts out feeling like jogger’s nipple with sandpaper and knives, then transitions to feeling like somebody gumming down on your chest-meat in the most unsexy way. Like I’m sure it’s a thing for a few people but so are fursuits and gym socks and cars

elise the great posted:

breastfeeding starts out feeling like jogger’s nipple with sandpaper and knives

loquacius posted:

wait

people try to orgasm during childbirth on purpose? Why?

Is it just to help distract from the intense pain, because they have drugs for that and then you don't have to cum in front of a bunch of doctors because your child's head is stimulating your vag

Bobby Digital posted:

Lady if you’re considering staying with him, you also have a gambling problem.

Kuiperdolin posted:

Not quite as as the title promised, but still. From askamanager:

manager wants to buy underwear for employees — and wants to approve it first

elise the great posted:

I mean even that makes more sense to me than breastfeeding giving somebody the jollies. There’s a whole big thing about hypnosis and prep work for orgasmic childbirth but no poo poo, all the how-to manuals for that process literally tell you to just masturbate while laboring, which in my mind moves it from “the human body is mysterious” to “have you tried jacking off with a baby-shaped dildo.”

Meanwhile breastfeeding starts out feeling like jogger’s nipple with sandpaper and knives, then transitions to feeling like somebody gumming down on your chest-meat in the most unsexy way. Like I’m sure it’s a thing for a few people but so are fursuits and gym socks and cars

extra row of teeth posted:

Mom gave me soymilk from 2 weeks on due to me being a bitch to breastfeed, and now I have 3 autoimmune disorders on top of bad allergies

extra row of teeth posted:

Mom gave me soymilk from 2 weeks on due to me being a bitch to breastfeed, and now I have 3 autoimmune disorders on top of bad allergies

quote:

My husband Brandon is 29, I'm 25, we've been married a little over two years and we're having a baby, I'm due in October. I chose not to do any kind of pregnancy announcement, and I haven't really talked about it much at all on social media. That's just my preference, I've always been a private person and I kind of don't see my pregnancy as anyone's business but my own and Brandon's. We actually didn't tell anyone at all until I was about 16 weeks along.



Brandon's parents are super excited, but that's the problem. His mom immediately started telling everyone she knew. She made it her Facebook status and it got over 100 likes, she (according to Brandon's dad) stood up in church and announced it to everyone, and anytime I've gone anywhere with her she likes to point out my bump to waiters, retail clerks, you name it. It's very annoying. I made it clear to her that I didn't want a baby shower or a gender reveal party (that's apparently a thing she saw on Pinterest and insisted we have, even though we've told her we're waiting to find out the sex). When I told her we didn't plan to do a birth announcement just like we didn't do a pregnancy announcement, she blew me off and said 'of course you will, that's silly, why wouldn't you'.



She also has bought me loads of maternity clothes, even though I already have plenty that a friend gave me. She's constantly trying to get me to tell her the gender (I don't loving know it) so she can decorate a nursery for the baby and buy clothes, all of which I've said I don't need her to do, graciously of course. And she emails me articles about parenting and breastfeeding and stuff day and night, which would normally be okay but much of it is religiously affiliated and I'm not about that life, which she is well aware of.



It probably seems like I'm not excited about the baby. I totally am! I just don't like to be the center of attention, or to talk about my personal life. When the baby is born, I'll send pictures individually to friends and family who request them, because I'm not a fan of people who incessantly post about their children online, and also because there are creepers out there and you just never know. Brandon and I are definitely minimalists, the baby isn't going to have mountains of toys or fifty outfits for every day of the week. But his mother is having none of that.



On Saturday morning, I get a call from Brandon's sister Erica [24F], and she tells me that she and her mom are stranded at a craft fair because their car ran out of gas, and could I please come get them. I offer to bring a gas can, she quickly says 'no that's okay please just pick us up'. That should have been my first clue that something was odd. Brandon was at work when this happened, btw. So I leave to go get them, and I text Erica to say I'm in the parking lot of this place where there's supposedly a craft fair; she texts back and says 'oh come inside really quick, we have something to show you'. Keep in mind I had not planned on getting out of the car, I had my hair up in a bun, I hadn't showered, I was wearing stretchy pants and an old shirt.



I go inside, and guess what? It's a loving surprise baby shower. With only friends of Brandon's mom of course, none of my friends or my sister or anyone I actually know. And okay, I'm not proud of this, but I'd had enough and I was humiliated to say the least. I just stared at Erica and Brandon's mom after everyone yelled surprise, and I said 'why did you think this was a good idea, after I've told you I don't want any parties?' And then I just left. They immediately started blowing up my phone but I ignored them and called Brandon. He had no knowledge of this and was just as pissed as I was. I know I should have been more gracious and at least feigned illness or something but i was so blindsided and I just wanted out of the situation.



When Brandon got home we listened to all the voicemails his mom left us, calling me ungrateful and a bitch and a spoiled brat. She made it seem like I'd left the party because it wasn't up to my standards or something? She was upset that I made her look bad in front of her friends (which I guess I do feel bad about) and said that I was making my pregnancy 'all about me'. And that I won't be a good mom if I can't even treat her with respect. Erica was apparently not aware of the fact that I specifically said I didn't want a party, and apologized for not warning me, so I'm not mad at her. His mom is also demanding I pay her back all the money she spent on the party, which was apparently catered by a fancy company (if I'd known that I might have actually stayed, because I feel really guilty that she spent so much).



I need to know first of all whether I'm being unreasonable in not wanting a giant spectacle made of this pregnancy, and what we should say to her. I do plan on apologizing for making her look bad, but I don't know if I'm obligated to pay her back for the party. Brandon has said that he'll talk to her but I do feel like I need to address this because I want to be able to set boundaries with her, and I can't always have Brandon step in for me. I think she should have a relationship with our kid, but I don't want her ignoring my wishes because I feel like if I let that happen now, next time it'll be something else that she oversteps me on. She's the only grandmother our baby will have, my mom died a few years ago, so I don't want to cut her off completely.



tl;dr my mother in law is way too intrusive into my pregnancy and threw me a baby shower I said I didn't want, when I left she demanded I pay her back for the party and called me all sorts of mean things

SECOND EDIT: I think my mini update got buried. I talked to Erica and learned there were only about 6 other women there, I thought there were more at the time. No one at the party had brought me a gift, my MIL had wrapped up some gifts she already told me she'd bought for me and told everyone else not to bring me one. Erica had planned to give me a little homemade coupon book for things like babysitting. When she called me, she told me word for word what my MIL told her to say. She also thought I was coming dressed for a party, and when she saw me she was surprised I'd dress so sloppy. After I left, Erica explained what they'd said to get me to come out, and some of the women my MIL had invited confronted her and told her what she did was deceitful and mean-spirited. I'm inclined to agree. The party was catered, but it almost certainly did not cost what my MIL told me and Brandon it did. This is all further solidifying that my MIL did not do this to honor me or to be nice to me, Erica believes that she did it to get back at me for 'not listening to any of her advice', which she'd apparently been bitching about before I got there. Some of her 'advice' has consisted of telling me I'm ridiculous for having a home birth, for planning to use cloth diapers, and for planning to make my own baby food, dumb poo poo like that. Erica is just as angry at my MIL because she lives and goes to school in Houston and we live in Austin, it's a 2.5 hour drive for her and she thought it was a real baby shower. If there was ever any doubt in my mind that MIL is a narcissist, there isn't anymore. Brandon is seeing her tomorrow to find out what her mindset was when she decided to blindside me and embarrass me on purpose; she requested that I not be there because she 'doesn't want to look at my face'.

Kuiperdolin posted:

Not quite as as the title promised, but still. From askamanager:

manager wants to buy underwear for employees — and wants to approve it first

A friend of mine recently told me that her boss takes her and a coworker shopping a couple of times a year. Sounds nice, huh?Apparently the shopping experience is done together and the boss directs the employees to what they can look for (shoes, handbag, etc.) and then upon her approval, she’ll buy the items and they are on their merry way.She presents it as a treat, but I think she just wants them dressed more professionally. My friend always looks nice, but she isn’t really the “suit and dress” type. She prefers slacks and a blouse. She does not meet with any clients; she sits behind a desk most of the day, so I don’t know why this lady is such a whack job about the clothes.

Recently, the boss could not go and told the gals to visit a particular department store and find dresses, suits, handbags, shoes, bras and underwear. They were told to place the items on hold and that she would go the next day and review the items and buy them upon her inspection. My friend felt uncomfortable having her boss “review and accept” bras and panties and therefore did not place any on hold. The next day, the boss complained about her not choosing the undergarments and complained that she had to go to the lingerie department searching for the items “on hold” – annoyed that nothing was there. When my friend told her she simply didn’t need any new undergarments, she was scolded for not following the rules. The boss did, however, allow the rest of the items and brought them in for her.

Personally, if I want to treat my staff to something special, I take them to lunch and toss them a gift card (or cash) and a smile.When I heard this story, I thought it was kind of inappropriate. Almost borderline sexual harassment. I had suggested she decline the next shopping adventure and hope for a gift card instead. But apparently the boss doesn’t want the employees spending the money on their kids or anyone else but them. And obviously doesn’t want them wearing anything she doesn’t feel is worthy. What are your thoughts?

Haifisch posted:

Weird as hell, and not even just because of the underwear(although that's deffo the weirdest part). If boss wants employees dressing differently, she should talk to them about it(and provide a clothing stipend if she really, really wants to pay for it) instead of treating them like kids & taking them on a shopping trip where she has to approve all their choices.

This whole thing gives off a 'boss is using employees as dressup dolls' vibe. The underwear thing is just the extra-creepy cherry on top.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Not to mention that extra row of teeth you advertise...

What is it about moms hassling other moms? Superiority? My friend had her two week old son at a grocery store a few years back, and was giving him a bottle.

A woman immediately came over and started badgering her in the goddamn cereal aisle. How old is he? Two weeks?! That’s much too young to take them anywhere! Is that formula?! Babies should never be given formula!

We should start hunting for r/r posts about overbearing mommy advice

Well, I found overbearing MIL
Me [25F] and husband [29M] of 2 years having a baby, his mom [53F] embarrassed me by throwing me an unwanted party

Leon Einstein posted:

I know we were thinking creepy dude boss, but there's no reason it can't be a creepy woman boss.

Kuiperdolin posted:

Not quite as as the title promised, but still. From askamanager:

manager wants to buy underwear for employees — and wants to approve it first

elise the great posted:

I made it 0.7 of the way through a book on ~natural beautiful childbirth~ with lots of discussion about how to make it powerful and orgasmic and poo poo, then my eyes rolled so far back in my head I could have poked my own optic nerve with my thumb. Childbirth does not “stimulate your vagina” so much as it “rearranges all your downstairs anatomy like somebody sitting in a pan of lasagna.”

I might have a slightly biased view due to fifty-six hours of labor with multiple stalls and a nine-pound-six sprog to push out, but all that bullshit about calling contractions “surges of power” and “waves of pressure” sounds like generalization from a small segment of experiences. I’m sure some women barely have pain— some people squirt out the kid in twenty minutes, some don’t know they’re in labor until the tyke crowns, some get real fuckin high on endorphins— but I’d say most of us just have back-breaking, gasoline-fire pain for hours and then scream the baby out with soul-crushing relief.

You should see the drama about this in Facebook mommy groups. Puts r/relationships to shaaaaame. Women shouting each other down about breastfeeding and epidurals and vaccines and toking up while preggo or nursing, it’s a maelstrom.

loquacius posted:

This is why I was curious whether she was checking to make sure the underwear wasn't too cheap and shabby or checking to make sure it wasn't too slutty

e: honestly either one could be an indicator of creepiness, it's just a question of what flavor

Pick posted:

Not really that creepy, I mean there is definitely a lot of underwear out there that is not job appropriate and it is sticking your neck out there to let someone know these things (to resolve the issue productively) instead of firing them.

Outrail posted:

I don't know about your workplace but most of my jobs have required pants or a dress/skirt to cover underwear.

But if you're a stripper or skimpy barmaid/man that's making a lot of sense.

Pick posted:

Not really that creepy, I mean there is definitely a lot of underwear out there that is not job appropriate and it is sticking your neck out there to let someone know these things (to resolve the issue productively) instead of firing them.

Kelly posted:

Having a baby is an introvert's nightmare. When I had my son, the build-up, and telling everyone, and the attention was a lot for me. I appreciated everyone's attention and wouldn't ever shown how uncomfortable was, but if my MIL ever acted like OP's, I'd be arrested for murder.

quote:

So this is an update to the post I made on Monday about the baby shower my mother in law threw me after I made it very clear to her that I did not want one and that it would make me uncomfortable. A few things to address left over from the last post:



• Brandon’s mom has never cared for me. Some people seemed to be under the impression that we were close because we’ve gone places together. She only began to take a real interest in me when I got pregnant; we are not and have never been close. She’s always blamed me for her son not having gone to church in the five years I’ve been with him, even though he’s been an atheist since he was 12. She also thinks I convinced him not to get a master’s degree? I literally had no part in that decision, when I met him he was already well finished with undergrad and had no intention of continuing.



• There really was no miscommunication. His mother broached the subject by telling me her plans for my baby shower. Not asking me if I wanted one, TELLING me she was going to throw me one. I said thank you but that I didn’t feel I needed one and that we could do something different. She persisted, and I said I really did not want one because it would make me uncomfortable. She then said ‘okay’ and I thought the subject was dropped. I thought about suggesting a family dinner where we could all share stories about childhood/parenting and have cake and whatnot, it sounded like a happy medium to me, but then she sprang the ‘shower’ on me.



• For everyone telling me that I should have stayed and toughed it out, I will reiterate that when they called me to the shower under false pretenses, I was wearing an old T-shirt with paint stains, leggings that are getting too small for me so they were a little see through and not something I’d generally wear out of the house, flip flops, greasy hair in a bun, and it was 80 degrees out so I was hot and sweaty. I did not think I had to get out of the car because I thought I was just picking them up. This is absolutely relevant. If I had been dressed appropriately I would probably have stayed for a while before being like ‘oh my aching (insert body part here), hahaha pregnancy, gotta go, thanks’. Some of you believe I shouldn’t have cared what I was wearing. I have a feeling those people were men because I don’t know a single woman that would tell me she’d show up to any party smelling like crap and looking even worse.



• Some people also seemed to be under the impression that she did this to be nice. I thought so at first, too. But the fact is, she did it after I explicitly told her no, she tricked me into coming, she didn’t invite a single person close to me, just people she knew, and when I justifiably did not stay, she called me a bitch and said I would be a bad mother. Many of you made me realize that this was done for HER, not for me. And for those of you who said I should have stayed to make her happy… couldn’t you say the same about her? That she should have just not thrown a party she knew I wouldn’t appreciate and that I’d feel uncomfortable at? I get the feeling if there’d been a post saying ‘my daughter in law is so unreasonable for not letting me throw her a baby shower’, it’d be downvoted and she’d be taken to task for her presumptuousness and disrespect for my wishes.



• A few people also said I sounded like I wasn’t letting her be excited about the baby. I probably worded some things wrong. I was not upset that she told people at church or that she made it her Facebook status (although the intrusive messages I got from some of her friends did bother me, but I never said anything to her about it). There is a huge difference between being excited and her using my pregnancy as a means of getting attention. It makes me feel objectified and I don’t like it.



On to the update. Not long after I made my Reddit post, Erica called me. She was back in Houston and wanted to let me know that she was sorry about what happened and that she thought the shower was legit; she was surprised when she didn’t see anyone that could have been my friends or my sister, and even more surprised when I came in dressed like I was. Erica then told me that her mother had been complaining all day about how I won’t take her advice on anything pregnancy-related (i.e. do what she says without question), how I won’t tell her the sex (I don’t know it), and how I’m not excited about being pregnant (because I don’t like it when she tries to parade me around so she can get attention, and because I don’t want her posting baby pictures on Facebook when the baby’s born). Erica surmised that this party was meant to put me in my place, as did a few of the people MIL invited.



We took advice from many of you. Yesterday, Brandon went to his mom’s house on his lunch break. He told her in so many words that she was allowed to be excited but she was not allowed to try to run the show. He repeated that she cannot post baby pictures to Facebook or else she won’t be getting any. If family and friends want copies, I’ll send them straight away, but they’re not going online as long as we can help it. He told her that the shenanigans with pointing out my belly to random people are to stop, as are the inquiries about the baby’s gender, her criticisms, and her gifts with strings attached. He said we wouldn’t pay her back for the party I didn’t want, and for her to even ask was manipulative. And lastly he said that she was to apologize to me for humiliating me and for ignoring what I wanted in favor of what she wanted, and for calling me names and saying I’ll be a bad mom. He said those were the terms and she could take them or leave them, if she chose not to take them then she would not have a relationship with our baby or with us, so at this point it was up to her. I told him to make sure she knew I wasn’t against her seeing the baby, I just wanted her to stop stirring the pot and accept that this is my pregnancy and my child, not hers.



She vehemently denied she that she asked us for money or called me a bitch (we have the loving voicemails) and that I ever told her I didn’t want a baby shower (bullshit). Then she said that she would think about it but that she still felt I owed her an apology for storming out and not staying. Brandon asked her how she expected me to do that dressed the way I was, and her response was ‘it’s not my fault she’s such a slob’. That was it for Brandon, he got up to leave and said ‘if you plan on treating my wife with respect, call me and let me know, otherwise you can forget about ever seeing the baby’.



MIL called him a few hours later while he was at work to say she was sorry and that she wanted to see the baby, Brandon replied that she needed to say it to me, not him, and that I’d be waiting for her call. That was 8 hours ago. Has she called me? Nope. I’ll give it some time. If/when she does call, I won’t gloat. I’ll be gracious and accept her apology, assuming it’s a sincere one and not the kind that goes like ‘sorry you took it that way but…’ So now we’re just playing the waiting game.



I got a lot of support from many of you who suggested I visit raisedbynarcissists, I subscribed on my regular account and it’s been really eye-opening. I’ve read some of the stories aloud to my husband who keeps saying ‘yep, sounds just like my mom’. We decided that we’re going to plan a little babymoon for next month, and that’ll give us something to look forward to (other than the baby being born, obviously!). I’m just trying not to let his mom take up too much space in my head. I really hope she comes around, because like I said, I want our baby to have a grandmother. But the ball’s in her court, so we’ll see how it goes. Thanks again to everyone who was supportive, I really appreciate it and so does Brandon!



tl;dr my husband talked to his mom, she denied she asked us for money or called me a bitch, says she still wants to see the baby but my husband has told her she has to apologize to me first, that was 8 hours ago and still nothing so now we're just waiting on her I guess