Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

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Drunk Theory: Aug 20, 2016; Oven Wrangler

stinch posted:

Crobber truly leads a charmed life. People will defend literally every bad thing he's even done.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 20:49

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 21:21

XK: Jul 9, 2001; Star Citizen is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it's fidelity when you look out your window or when you watch youtube

Hav posted:

Sold. I have to import Walker's Smoky Bacon, though.

I was turned on to a love for salt & vinegar chips nearly three decades ago, and never found one that was really just right. Lay's Dill Pickle are the closest I've ever found.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 20:51

trucutru: Jul 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

monkeytek posted:

From wikipedia

"Lay's" is the company's primary brand, with the exception of limited markets where other brand names are used: Walkers in the UK and Ireland; Smith's in Australia; Chipsy[1] in Egypt; Poca in Vietnam; Tapuchips in Israel;[2] Margarita in Colombia; Sabritas in Mexico; and, formerly, Hostess in Canada

I never knew.

Sabrita's "Papas Adobadas" are pretty good. Much better than any other "spicy" variation outside of the ones you can get in Thailand.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 20:56

ManBearCat: Mar 22, 2018

thatguy posted:

Positives:
1. Never had more than 2 boyfriends (+1 point)
2. Takes her studies seriously and has good grades (+3 points)
3. Graduated from a 4-year college (+3 points)
4. Gives up seat for elderly / disabled people (+5 points)
5. Saves / invests money intelligently (+5 points)
6. Sometimes offers to pay for dates and travel (+5 points)
7. Tries to feed her man with chopsticks or fork (+5 points)
8. Cooks for her man without asking (+5 points)
9. Massages her man without asking (+10 points)
10. Would refuse to shave her pussy hair, even if you requested. (+5 points)
11. Always returns to her hometown for Songkran (+5 points)
12. Very loyal to her parents (+10 points)
13. Takes care of relatives that are rude or mean without complaints (+15 points)
14. Still lives with her parents (+15 points)
15. Comes from a complete family with both parents still married (+20 points)
16. Virgin (+30 points)

Negatives:
17. Hair shorter than the upper neck (-1 point)
18. Ever ran away from home because of a fight with parents (-2 points)
19. Watches or shows interest in Western porn (-3 points)
20. Lost virginity in high school (-3 point)
21. Always photoshops / applies a filter to her pictures (-3 points)
22. Hairy armpits (-3 points)
23. Has had more than 3 sexual partners before 25 years of age (-5 points)
24. Dropped out of high school (-5 points)
25. Has lived with more than 1 man (-5 points)
26. Uses a lot of profanity (-5 points)
27. Laughs at other people's misfortune (-5 points)
28. Never wears a dress or a skirt (-5 points)
29. Never pays on dates with men including you (-5 points)
30. Ever had a mood jump without any noticeable trigger (-5 points)
31. Ever experienced a same-sex intercourse (-7 points)
32. Would agree to arrange a marriage solely for immigration (-10 points)
33. Makes a phone call or send a text message without apologizing during a date (-10 points)
34. Talks behind her friends' back (-10 points)
35. Ever worked in a massage parlor, bath spa, or bar (-10 points)
36. Agrees with modern feminism (-10 points)
37. Ever had a one-night stand (-10 points)
38. Has a piercing other than the ear (-15 points)
39. Has lived in a Western country for more than 3 months (-15 points)
40. Has a tattoo (-15 points)
41. Her friends hate her (-15 points)
42. Never returned home after a fight with relatives (-15 points)
43. Smokes, uses drugs, or drinks more than 2 days per week (-15 points)
44. Lost virginity in middle school (-15 points)
45. Has had more than 5 sexual partners before 25 years of age (-15 points)
46. Ever had an abortion (-15 points)
48. Thinks it is okay to look into her man's phone (-15 points)
49. Slaps and fights men, including you (-20 points)
50. Hair is as short as a man haircut or nearly bald (-20 points)
51. Has half-siblings with only 1 common parent (-20 points)
52. Cries loudly/fights in public when she does not get what she wants (-25 points)
53. Atheist (-25 points)
54. Has a kid from a previous marriage (-35 points)
55. Has ever been the mistress of a married Thai man (-40 points)
56. Claims to have been raped in the past, true or not (-40 points)
57. Has a diagnosis of mental disease such as schizophrenia or bipolarity (-50 points)
58. Has a kid who was born outside marriage (-70 points)
59. Ever worked as a sex worker or prostitute (-70 points)

The calculation process is straightforward: Add all positives, subtract all the negatives.
-50 and below: End the relationship immediately
-49 to -25: You should run away, very little chance of working
-24 to 0: Proceed with caution, possibly bad girl
1 to 25: Average girl, you can give it a try
26 to 49: Good traditional girl, possible MM
50 and above: Very special girl, take care of her

Negatives:
1. Player character clips through doors (-5 points)
2. Ship clips through space station/moon surface (-5 points)
3. Player character randomly turns into multi-limb alien (-5 points)
4. 5 Fps (-5 points)
5. Various UI failures (-5 points)
6. Player character dies upon waking up (-5 points)
7. You must construct additional RAM (-5 points)
8. Land vehicle clips through ship/station/moon surface/air (-5 points)
9. Player character stuck in the ship/land vehicle seat (no point deduction due to immersion - the player character suffered a stroke)
10. Missions can not be completed in 50% of all attempts (no point deduction due to immersion - universal randomess)

Positives:
1. Fidelity (+ 10.000 points)
2. JPEG Ships (+ 17.040 points)

The calculation process is straightforward: Add all positives, subtract all the negatives.
27k and above: Pledge

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:00

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

Drunk Theory posted:

Crobber truly leads a charmed life. People will defend literally every bad thing he's even done.

"Crobbler had to take a poo poo on a public bus. He was helping raise awareness of unhygienic standards in public transportation, and a visionary name like his really helps draw attention to the problem. This is a good thing."

"Crobbler was helping those kids when he pushed them off the cliff. This is a good thing for their parents! Now they have more money to spend on Star Citizen!"

"It's a really good thing the Crobbler stole my cancer medication and traded it in for meth for Sandi. It really helped me understand the pain people without medication endure. Crobbler's vision made me more empathetic!"

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:02

Hav: Dec 11, 2009; Fun Shoe

stinch posted:

Babylon 5 was pretty drat accurate in terms that humans hadn't figured out the gravity thing and had to spin sections.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vIVFgXaxsU

Space above and beyond tried quite hard, but obviously it's still fighters in space, which is ridiculous.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBaQFafK3ZU

Ah, Kirsten, where did you go? I barely got to creep you...

monkeytek posted:

From wikipedia

"Lay's" is the company's primary brand, with the exception of limited markets where other brand names are used: Walkers in the UK and Ireland; Smith's in Australia; Chipsy[1] in Egypt; Poca in Vietnam; Tapuchips in Israel;[2] Margarita in Colombia; Sabritas in Mexico; and, formerly, Hostess in Canada

I never knew.

I didn't, but I was suspicious. The more you know!

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:05

Agony Aunt: Apr 17, 2018; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

ManBearCat posted:

Negatives:
1. Player character clips through doors (-5 points)
2. Ship clips through space station/moon surface (-5 points)
3. Player character randomly turns into multi-limb alien (-5 points)
4. 5 Fps (-5 points)
5. Various UI failures (-5 points)
6. Player character dies upon waking up (-5 points)
7. You must construct additional RAM (-5 points)
8. Land vehicle clips through ship/station/moon surface/air (-5 points)
9. Player character stuck in the ship/land vehicle seat (no point deduction due to immersion - the player character suffered a stroke)
10. Missions can not be completed in 50% of all attempts (no point deduction due to immersion - universal randomess)

Positives:
1. Fidelity (+ 10.000 points)
2. JPEG Ships (+ 17.040 points)

The calculation process is straightforward: Add all positives, subtract all the negatives.
27k and above: Pledge

Instructions unclear. Bought Banu Merchantman, can't fly. Advise please.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:05

Hav: Dec 11, 2009; Fun Shoe

XK posted:

I was turned on to a love for salt & vinegar chips nearly three decades ago, and never found one that was really just right. Lay's Dill Pickle are the closest I've ever found.

Complete aside, but soon after I got married, my (American) wife made me a sandwich with some Coleman's mustard that I grabbed, thinking it was on the same 'hot' level as American mustard, which it is not.

First time I got maced by a sandwich. Cleans out your sinuses, but all the crying was not cool.

Similarly Walker's Salt & Vinegar almost but not quite manages to produce mouth burns. Woe betide the man that tries to each a pack with a lacerated mouth.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:09

Agony Aunt: Apr 17, 2018; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Colostomy Bag posted:

Give Don Karnage our kindest regards.

And ask him if he has seen the refund specialist recently... or whether he even exists.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:11

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

Hav posted:

Complete aside, but soon after I got married, my (American) wife made me a sandwich with some Coleman's mustard that I grabbed, thinking it was on the same 'hot' level as American mustard, which it is not.

First time I got maced by a sandwich. Cleans out your sinuses, but all the crying was not cool.

What brand did you pick up? I love hot mustards, would love to try one that almost kills me.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:15

Daztek: Jun 2, 2006

Word on the street is that CIG is gearing up to release Evocati 3.2 with MINING soon(tm)

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:17

Daztek: Jun 2, 2006

Daztek posted:

Word on the street is that CIG is gearing up to release Evocati 3.2 with MINING soon(tm)

please don't make a thread on /r/starcitizen about this, CIG wouldn't want it to leak

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:18

Golli: Jan 5, 2013

Hav posted:

Complete aside, but soon after I got married, my (American) wife made me a sandwich with some Coleman's mustard that I grabbed, thinking it was on the same 'hot' level as American mustard, which it is not.

First time I got maced by a sandwich. Cleans out your sinuses, but all the crying was not cool.

Similarly Walker's Salt & Vinegar almost but not quite manages to produce mouth burns. Woe betide the man that tries to each a pack with a lacerated mouth.

Went to lunch with my boss one day.

We had sushi. He had never had sushi, but he was game.

He ate all of his sushi. After all the sushi was gone, he declared "Hey this is pretty good. What's this? Avocado?" and proceeded to pop the entire mound of wasabi into his mouth before anyone could answer.

We all had a good laugh as his entire skull turned bright red and large drops of sweat streamed from his scalp and forehead (he's bald).

Once he recovered - he said "I guess not."

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:20

Agony Aunt: Apr 17, 2018; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Daztek posted:

Word on the street is that CIG is gearing up to release Evocati 3.2 with MINING soon(tm)

Oh gods, i watched that mining mechanic video.... it was terrible. Mini-games for the sake of mini-games.

Have you actually read the mining documentation for SC? Its horrible! There is like this multi-plage document that goes into great detail about how mining should work. Short version is, if you are not multicrewing, its going to be horrible. If you are multicrewing, some doofus gets the poo poo job. Of course, chances anyway of it being like the design docs are slim at best..... and the best isn't good.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:21

Scruffpuff: Dec 23, 2015; Fidelity. Wait, was I'm working on again?

Daztek posted:

Word on the street is that CIG is gearing up to release Evocati 3.2 with MINING soon(tm)

Well clearly EVE has MINING, and Elite has MINING, so obviously next-generation game Star Citizen by visionary developer Chris Roberts will also have mining. That doesn't work right. And doesn't fit into anything because there's no underlying structure to support it. But it proves "progress." Pledge now!

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:22

GruntyThrst: Oct 9, 2007; *clang*

Can I get the 101 on parp please, I googled it and all I got was an urban dictionary result that said it�s british onomatopoeia for farting

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:28

Daztek: Jun 2, 2006

GruntyThrst posted:

Can I get the 101 on parp please, I googled it and all I got was an urban dictionary result that said it�s british onomatopoeia for farting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFr74zI1LBM

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:30

Cao Ni Ma: May 25, 2010

Defend your purchase at all cost, even if every single goalpost you've had keeps getting destroyed and you are forced to set up a new one several miles to the right. Defend your purchase, even when the product that keeps getting pushed out is horrible both from a technical standpoint and from a gameplay perspective.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:31

Daztek: Jun 2, 2006

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/8p42oe/youtuber_sidalphas_young_daughter_threatened_with/

https://twitter.com/SidAlpha/status/1004447252822126594

The Star Citizen Community

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:33

Thoatse: Feb 29, 2016; Lol said the scorpion, lmao

Golli posted:

I heard some guys at Denny's saying they were planning to barge in on suites without sufficient security and teach the occupants about "the natural consequences of squatting" - whatever that means.

I just want to carry luggage and explore the grounds. I think you should conduct aggressive security checks on prospective tenants and pre-emptively imprison those whose past behavior is deemed inappropriate.

At least that's the way I see it.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:35

thatguy: Feb 5, 2003

Daztek posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/8p42oe/youtuber_sidalphas_young_daughter_threatened_with/

https://twitter.com/SidAlpha/status/1004447252822126594

The Star Citizen Community

These threats aren't credible, there aren't any rapist pedophiles in the Star Citizen community.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:44

thatguy: Feb 5, 2003

Our false flag op is coming along nicely this time.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:45

Hav: Dec 11, 2009; Fun Shoe

Scruffpuff posted:

What brand did you pick up? I love hot mustards, would love to try one that almost kills me.

Comes in the pre-made jar and also in a powder form that's good for rubs; this is effectively quintessentially English mustard. French mustard was the brown and limp-wristed variant until the culinary explosion of the 1980s imported a range of Dijons and other course-ground seed-based mustards.

I recommend sampling before dumping quarter of a jar on a sandwich.

Daztek posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/8p42oe/youtuber_sidalphas_young_daughter_threatened_with/

https://twitter.com/SidAlpha/status/1004447252822126594

The Star Citizen Community

The Aristocrats!

Hav fucked around with this message at 21:48 on Jun 6, 2018

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:46

thatguy: Feb 5, 2003

thatguy posted:

Our false flag op is coming along nicely this time.

I posted this before I actually read the comments and saw somebody else had already said it unironically.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:46

Hav: Dec 11, 2009; Fun Shoe

thatguy posted:

I posted this before I actually read the comments and saw somebody else had already said it unironically.

I'm waiting for us to become part of the deep state.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:48

monkeytek: Jun 8, 2010; It wasn't an ELE that wiped out the backer funds. It was Tristan Timothy Taylor.

Daztek posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/8p42oe/youtuber_sidalphas_young_daughter_threatened_with/

https://twitter.com/SidAlpha/status/1004447252822126594

The Star Citizen Community

Those are the ones I will be glad to see lose everything. I hope their world collapses around them when they realize all the money and time they threw at this shithole excuse of a game was for nothing, even worse than nothing because they will have to live with the ridicule for decades while the Crobs lives happily ever after with the money he stole.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:50

Inkel: Feb 19, 2004; College Slice

Daztek posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/8p42oe/youtuber_sidalphas_young_daughter_threatened_with/

https://twitter.com/SidAlpha/status/1004447252822126594

The Star Citizen Community

The same morons dismissing this are probably the same ones who posted a bunch of #istandwithSandi tweets when she swore off social media for a week so she could cry on stage again.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:57

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Daztek posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/8p42oe/youtuber_sidalphas_young_daughter_threatened_with/

https://twitter.com/SidAlpha/status/1004447252822126594

The Star Citizen Community

Watch and be amazed as hundreds of posters shriek at OP for "lumping all backers together" before deftly switching back to blaming GOONS for everything that's wrong with their game.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 21:59

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

Yeah, already blaming DS and goons.

Wishing cancer and rape is good for Star Citizen.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:02

monkeytek: Jun 8, 2010; It wasn't an ELE that wiped out the backer funds. It was Tristan Timothy Taylor.

Beet Wagon posted:

Watch and be amazed as hundreds of posters shriek at OP for "lumping all backers together" before deftly switching back to blaming GOONS for everything that's wrong with their game.

They are already claiming Dsmart supporters are the ones sending the threats.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:02

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

Inkel posted:

The same morons dismissing this are probably the same ones who posted a bunch of #istandwithSandi tweets when she swore off social media for a week so she could cry on stage again.

The people dismissing this are the same ones who defended Fuzzy Modem and who cheered when Ben banned people from the forums for being sexually harrassed. They obviously do not see any problem with CIG cultivating a toxic community

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:03

Jobbo_Fett: Mar 7, 2014; Slava Ukrayini; Clapping Larry

TheAgent posted:

House of the Dying Fun

House of the Rising Funds

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:05

Jobbo_Fett: Mar 7, 2014; Slava Ukrayini; Clapping Larry

ManofManyAliases posted:

I could if I really wanted. I know some of the concierge staff really well.

When people ask to clean out their account, they don't usually mean the janitors, buddy.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:06

ComfyPants: Mar 20, 2002

Beet Wagon posted:

Watch and be amazed as hundreds of posters shriek at OP for "lumping all backers together" before deftly switching back to blaming GOONS for everything that's wrong with their game.

Someone's already blamed Derek Smart for it.

https://twitter.com/ErrorCode407/status/1004463537601830914

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:08

XK: Jul 9, 2001; Star Citizen is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it's fidelity when you look out your window or when you watch youtube

Hav posted:

Complete aside, but soon after I got married, my (American) wife made me a sandwich with some Coleman's mustard that I grabbed, thinking it was on the same 'hot' level as American mustard, which it is not.

First time I got maced by a sandwich. Cleans out your sinuses, but all the crying was not cool.

Similarly Walker's Salt & Vinegar almost but not quite manages to produce mouth burns. Woe betide the man that tries to each a pack with a lacerated mouth.

The chemical that nails you in fresh hot mustard is the same one as in wasabi. FYI, my favorite mustards are Kosciusko and Sabrett.

Golli posted:

Went to lunch with my boss one day.

We had sushi. He had never had sushi, but he was game.

He ate all of his sushi. After all the sushi was gone, he declared "Hey this is pretty good. What's this? Avocado?" and proceeded to pop the entire mound of wasabi into his mouth before anyone could answer.

We all had a good laugh as his entire skull turned bright red and large drops of sweat streamed from his scalp and forehead (he's bald).

Once he recovered - he said "I guess not."

I love doing this to myself. It's so incredibly overpowering, but only lasts 10 seconds or so.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:13

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Captain Self-Awareness posted:

Take your downvote and get out. This community is not about harming people, about wishing harm on people, or starting witch-hunts in hopes some unhinged individual will go a step beyond.

Really? Didn't a large chunk of your 'community' spend years stalking and wishing harm on Derek Smart? Wasn't it a literal witch-hunt that's still going on to this day?

https://twitter.com/DSmartTracker/status/1004312821130321920

This is the same fanbase that did this:

and this:

and that encourages members to tag dissenters with derogatory reddit tags and track them:

And that's not even getting into the deeply insane "Professional Threat Assessment" poo poo they save for guys they really hate.

Beet Wagon fucked around with this message at 22:19 on Jun 6, 2018

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:14

G0RF: Mar 19, 2015; Some galactic defender you are, Space Cadet.

Daztek posted:

Word on the street is that CIG is gearing up to release Evocati 3.2 with MINING soon(tm)

I predict this has a more satisfying mining mechanic.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:17

thatguy: Feb 5, 2003

Every time I see that Kayak comment I'm reminded of when I lived in an apartment complex and a dog was barking for like an hour one night and a guy yelled "KILL YOURSELF!" out his window and it always makes me laugh.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:19

Golli: Jan 5, 2013

ComfyPants posted:

Someone's already blamed Derek Smart for it.

https://twitter.com/ErrorCode407/status/1004463537601830914

Anyone making those claims better have something to substantiate it.

Accusing a specific someone (like Derek) of a crime, with an intent to harm his reputation is slander.

Legal may become very busy.

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:22

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 21:21

Bacon Terrorist: May 7, 2010; to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

Hav posted:

Comes in the pre-made jar and also in a powder form that's good for rubs; this is effectively quintessentially English mustard. French mustard was the brown and limp-wristed variant until the culinary explosion of the 1980s imported a range of Dijons and other course-ground seed-based mustards.

I recommend sampling before dumping quarter of a jar on a sandwich.

Smother it all over roast beef on a Sunday lunch :britain:

# ? Jun 6, 2018 22:26

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

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