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Lol at the "I'm going to throw out a meaningless statement to seem generous but get super upset if you actually take it seriously" approach, and I'm glad that person got owned Also lol at all that meat being frozen, what the gently caress is the point of having nice meat if you're going to ruin it by freezing
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Jun 10, 2018 20:28
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ArbitraryC posted:Not really? I've taken care of animals and such for friends all the time and literally everyone says "make yourself at home and feel free to have some food", that translates to like fruit that's hanging around or a can of coke, not dethawing a leg of lamb and roasting it. People in PhD programs are not mentally coherent enough to give this kind of broad direction to, unfortunately. They are barely human creatures that engage in performative humanity while around others and then revert to their arthropod form once assured that they are out of human sight. While generally docile and non-confrontational, they will become agitated and passive-aggressive when told they are taking social liberties, which is exacerbated by their social isolation and the academic pressures they face. The OP of that post mistakenly assumed the fellow grad student was part of their swarm, as it were, and would not steal the food. This was a terrible error, as grad students that bear no direct genetic or academic lineage with each other will, during times of plenty (as is the case here), store nutrients in anticipation for future deprivation events. Admiral Ray fucked around with this message at 20:34 on Jun 10, 2018 |
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Jun 10, 2018 20:30
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I feel like other departments must be really bad or something because us STEM folk had reasonable stipends and didn't need to steal food to survive. We were awkward in other ways but like I can't think of a single person in my department who would have done that.
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Jun 10, 2018 20:33
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I don't know, if someone offers "hey help yourself to whatever" that's quite the invitation and you're relying on the other person somehow not taking it seriously because they know that it's insincere and whatnot, but the reality is, anyone who wants to play dumb can loot your poo poo so uh why give people the green light to do poo poo you don't want them to in the first place?
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Jun 10, 2018 20:35
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Yeah mostly that dude just sounds like a pretty big piece of poo poo, they probably will steal food from the office fridge or whatever too.
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Jun 10, 2018 20:36
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Ham Sandwiches posted:I don't know, if someone offers "hey help yourself to whatever" that's quite the invitation and you're relying on the other person somehow not taking it seriously because they know that it's insincere and whatnot, but the reality is, anyone who wants to play dumb can loot your poo poo so uh Serious question, are you on the spectrum?
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Jun 10, 2018 20:39
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ArbitraryC posted:Serious question, are you on the spectrum? No I'm not, I have no idea what point you were trying to make that required asking that. The idea that some people can conveniently decide to take the statement literally and then play dumb with "hurr you said it was fine" is not something that should require providing DSM stats to back up, ffs
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Jun 10, 2018 20:40
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quote:I've been in grad school man, yeah we love our free food but no one would steal from their friends for it, we'd just crash literally any campus event where refreshments were provided. That's above and beyond behavior, dude's just an rear end in a top hat. drat I guess y'all were better than I was then, because if someone had given me free reign and specifically told me to cook their food... I would like to say that it would have been fine, but I was a little poo poo and didn't know anything at that point in my life. I remember one time where my roommate (who had an actual real job!) went out of town for over a week and he had this GIANT bottle of johnny walker red. Like 2-3x bigger than a handle, never seen anything like it. Anyways I was a nice enough kid but over the week I definitely took advantage of his generosity and drank a bunch of his booze. It's not something I'm proud of, but I come from a well off family and simply didn't understand at the time that people worked hard for their possessions and would see it as a huge problem. So I dunno, maybe I'm projecting here (seems likely) and I'm certainly not painting all grad students with the same lovely brush, but I can easily see how a grad student would make a big mistake like that and not understand the implications of their actions. Admiral Ray posted:People in PhD programs are not mentally coherent enough to give this kind of broad direction to, unfortunately. They are barely human creatures that engage in performative humanity while around others and then revert to their arthropod form once assured that they are out of human sight. While generally docile and non-confrontational, they will become agitated and passive-aggressive when told they are taking social liberties, which is exacerbated by their social isolation and the academic pressures they face. The OP of that post mistakenly assumed the fellow grad student was part of their swarm, as it were, and would not steal the food. This was a terrible error, as grad students that bear no direct genetic or academic lineage with each other will, during times of plenty (as is the case here), store nutrients in anticipation for future deprivation events. Yeah this is essentially my take on it as well. Taima fucked around with this message at 20:42 on Jun 10, 2018 |
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Jun 10, 2018 20:40
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Maybe if you're looking for someone to house-sit then you should find someone you know and trust well enough not to do this in the first place.
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Jun 10, 2018 20:42
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Ham Sandwiches posted:No I'm not, I have no idea what point you were trying to make that required asking that.
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Jun 10, 2018 20:46
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Husbands ex filed for child support, used fertilized embryos.quote:My husband of 10+ years got a letter for child support in the mail yesterday. On weird trick to get income that ex-husbands hate.
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Jun 10, 2018 20:47
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I'm just imagining Ham Sandwiches selling off all the furniture in a house they are house sitting because the owner told them to "Make themselves at home".
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Jun 10, 2018 20:47
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ArbitraryC posted:I dunno it just seemed like such a basic part of social interaction I was perplexed that you could have such an issue with it. What that dude did was weird and inappropriate and anyone would recognize it as such, if the OP went around telling the rest of her friends in the department about it (and it'd spread like wildfire as grads students are emotionally highschoolers and love gossip), no one would be thinking "Well, technically she did tell him to help himself". Haha I think you should find some way to discuss relationship posts without asking invasive medical questions of strangers who happen to have a different opinion, and literally assuming that anyone that disagrees with you on a particular story must be on the spectrum is genuinely loving dumb like the possibility space for responses should not be "agrees with me / on the spectrum" and so maybe it's quite loving weird to ask strangers these kinds of things imo I'm telling you that when you explicitly tell people "ITS OK TO DO X" but you have some kind of hidden gotchas that you expect them to uphold like, you can eat some food but not all, or you can drink some booze but not all, and you believe that those limits are understood by both parties, you explicitly open the door to the "oh, when you said to eat your food, you didn't mean to eat THAT much food" excuse so if you happen to have $400 of poo poo you don't want people to eat, maybe, maybe, don't explicitly give them the green light to eat your poo poo, and then act surprised on the off chance that someone does eat it but eats more than you had expected them to
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Jun 10, 2018 20:49
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Admiral Ray posted:Yeah mostly that dude just sounds like a pretty big piece of poo poo, they probably will steal food from the office fridge or whatever too. I was doing a lot of coding one summer at my department, and I bought a box of popsicles. The rule for the department fridge was ‘label your poo poo’. So my name was written on the box, and I put a post-it on the flap with my name on it too. Went to a conference for a week, came back and the box was empty. Not even gone/tossed out, just an empty box with my name on it, post-it still in place. There were 20-some popsicles still in the box when I left (it was one of those boxes of cheap ones where cherry grape and orange are the only flavors). Turned out one of the professors (not even one of the poor students) ignored the label, took one, somebody saw them eating it, and it just snowballed from there. ‘Oh those were yours?!’ Well, yeah, my name was on the loving box. One day, there was a note on the fridge that said ‘Sorry about the popsicles’ and somebody (most likely my boss, who I’m sure had eaten none of them) had left me a box of like, organic sorbet pops. People (students and faculty) in academia are trash. E: in an odd reversal of fortune, about six years ago, I went to a conference and was gone for two weeks. I had some fish in the fridge, told my roommates about it, that it’d go bad before I got back and they should eat it. I also wrote on our dry erase board ‘eat the fish before it goes bad’. When I got back, they were complaining because the fish spoiled and made the fridge smell gross. My note was still on the board. LadyPictureShow fucked around with this message at 20:55 on Jun 10, 2018 |
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Jun 10, 2018 20:49
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Admiral Ray posted:I'm just imagining Ham Sandwiches selling off all the furniture in a house they are house sitting because the owner told them to "Make themselves at home". I'm saying if you have some poo poo you don't want people to get into explicitly telling them it's ok to do so seems like a very, very dumb idea, to me. That's it. This guy had a bunch of food he didn't want anyone to eat that was going to sit around for a while, he could have either said "hey please don't eat the stuff in the freezer" or said nothing, but he chose to invite the dude to eat the food, so I don't get acting utterly surprised that the other person did exactly that.
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Jun 10, 2018 20:50
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Ham Sandwiches posted:No I'm not, I have no idea what point you were trying to make that required asking that. yeah, he almost certainly knew he wasn't MEANT to take all the food, but was rules-lawyering the poo poo out of the OP's statement. Lesson learned: don't say things insincerely to seem nice unless you are prepared for someone to (pretend to) take you at your word. EDIT: also for some reason I assumed the OP was a girl, have I just pulled that out of thin air? Fatkraken fucked around with this message at 20:54 on Jun 10, 2018 |
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Jun 10, 2018 20:51
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Fatkraken posted:yeah, he almost certainly knew he wasn't MEANT to take all the food, but was rules-lawyering the poo poo out of the OP's statement. That's it, real loving simple, I'm amazed this guy can make the post without being asked if he's on the loving spectrum
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Jun 10, 2018 20:52
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Ham Sandwiches posted:I'm saying if you have some poo poo you don't want people to get into explicitly telling them it's ok to do so seems like a very, very dumb idea, to me. That's it. This guy had a bunch of food he didn't want anyone to eat that was going to sit around for a while, he could have either said "hey please don't eat the stuff in the freezer" or said nothing, but he chose to invite the dude to eat the food, so I don't get acting utterly surprised that the other person did exactly that. I would do that now, but when I was in my early 20's? Probably not. But I also wouldn't take full advantage to eat and drink everything, despite what I was told, but I had been buying my own groceries for like 5 years at that point and understood the value of a frozen burrito. Actually I just went and rechecked the post and the op is 25, lmao what a dumbass. Admiral Ray fucked around with this message at 20:58 on Jun 10, 2018 |
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Jun 10, 2018 20:55
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You could ask pretty much anybody about whether or not that dude's behavior was appropriate and no normal person is going to go for the "well technically.....". People understand what make yourself at home means, at the point where you're pretending it's actually reasonable someone would abuse that you might as well be saying "what did you expect letting that guy housesit, of course he was going to pawn all your stuff you gave him access to your house". Dude did a bad thing and the worst you can say about op is she shouldn't have let in someone she didn't know too well into her place, not that she shouldn't have told him to make himself at home. That line wasn't the problem and it's super weird of you to focus on it like it was some sort of "insincere promise", it's just a normal social interaction.
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Jun 10, 2018 20:57
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I'm on the spectrum and I can't believe you'd get to thawing a leg of loving lamb without thinking "hmm am I perhaps overstepping the trust placed on me". If someone says "make yourself at home" am I allowed to redecorate? If someone says "help yourself to anything in the fridge" am I allowed to strip out the wiring?? If someone says "Mi casa es su casa" am I allowed to take out a mortgage???
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Jun 10, 2018 20:57
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buddy is an rear end in a top hat, OP is a dumbass, sometimes assholes take advantage of dumbasses dumbassery, but hopefully give them a teachable moment in return. In this case, THREE teachable moments: don't give carte blanche permissions if you don't mean it, don't invite people to housesit that you don't know very well, and it's OK to sever friendships with proven assholes. Worth $300? maybe...
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Jun 10, 2018 20:57
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La Brea Carpet posted:Husbands ex filed for child support, used fertilized embryos. I really want a follow up on this or some comments at least. This is loving insane.
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Jun 10, 2018 20:58
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La Brea Carpet posted:Husbands ex filed for child support, used fertilized embryos. Wow, I didn't realize your children were still eligible for child support if you married someone else.
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Jun 10, 2018 20:59
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MarcusSA posted:I really want a follow up on this or some comments at least. This is loving insane. If she's trying to establish him as the parents that means he can get parental rights too, I would watch a movie about how this plays out.
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Jun 10, 2018 21:01
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Fatkraken posted:EDIT: also for some reason I assumed the OP was a girl, have I just pulled that out of thin air? OP’s a woman, fancy food their is a man. Ham Sandwiches can’t read.
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Jun 10, 2018 21:02
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Admiral Ray posted:People in PhD programs are not mentally coherent enough to give this kind of broad direction to, unfortunately. They are barely human creatures that engage in performative humanity while around others and then revert to their arthropod form once assured that they are out of human sight. While generally docile and non-confrontational, they will become agitated and passive-aggressive when told they are taking social liberties, which is exacerbated by their social isolation and the academic pressures they face. The OP of that post mistakenly assumed the fellow grad student was part of their swarm, as it were, and would not steal the food. This was a terrible error, as grad students that bear no direct genetic or academic lineage with each other will, during times of plenty (as is the case here), store nutrients in anticipation for future deprivation events. As if the professor morph were more tolerable!
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Jun 10, 2018 21:04
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ArbitraryC posted:You could ask pretty much anybody about whether or not that dude's behavior was appropriate and no normal person is going to go for the "well technically.....". People understand what make yourself at home means, at the point where you're pretending it's actually reasonable someone would abuse that you might as well be saying "what did you expect letting that guy housesit, of course he was going to pawn all your stuff you gave him access to your house". Dude did a bad thing and the worst you can say about op is she shouldn't have let in someone she didn't know too well into her place, not that she shouldn't have told him to make himself at home. Make yourself at home is normal social interaction. Explicitly inviting someone to eat your food and cook while they're there, and expecting them to automatically know which food is acceptable when actually have really clear ideas of what you do and don't want them to do, is very dumb. Other people in the thread perfectly seem to be able to understand that some people are rules lawyers and play dumb and "haw haw well you SAID" but apparently you can't grasp this and feel like anyone that takes advantage of social customs while remaining technically correct is somehow a thing that doesn't exist? I don't even get what you're saying. Some of the people you know are rules lawyer play dumb dickheads. If you have a $2k liquor collection and you invite one of them over to house sit, and tell them to help themselves to your booze, they will drink it all. It's not all the people you know, but it's some of them. So, if you have a $2k liquor collection, maybe don't offer it to people casually if you're not ok with them deciding that you really mean that they can tear into it.
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Jun 10, 2018 21:05
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LadyPictureShow posted:OP’s a woman, fancy food their is a man. Ham Sandwiches can’t read. phd men are weird children larvae, phd women are overworked and desperate for validation and 99% of the time at least one parent had an issue where they'd rag on her constantly for any percieved error, even not making errors like a "normal" child, and she's desperate to prove she's human and oh my god anyway that mix in any department makes for, uh, strange tales
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Jun 10, 2018 21:08
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ArbitraryC posted:If she's trying to establish him as the parents that means he can get parental rights too, I would watch a movie about how this plays out. I would for sure watch this movie. Absurd Alhazred posted:Wow, I didn't realize your children were still eligible for child support if you married someone else. Yeah thats alimony or some poo poo. Child support is 18 years AFAIK. Still though its a kinda hosed situation since she had the kid after she was already married to someone else and knowingly did it. I guess its a matter of how long consent lasts? He got some dumb advice when he was 18 but I mean gently caress 10 years later? Insane really. I'd like to think something like this would be thrown out buuut he's in CA which isn't known for its amazingly rational court system.... Actually feel bad for this dude because he didn't even get a chance to bang her and is getting a kid pinned on him hahaha Also PHD dude was a dick for "eating" all that food. Yeah she said he could but come on now. She was being polite.
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Jun 10, 2018 21:08
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MarcusSA posted:I would for sure watch this movie. The kid is in WV so the court will be a WV court.
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Jun 10, 2018 21:12
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Yeah, if I’m housesitting, “eat whatever” basically comes to “have some cereal in the morning or make a sandwich out of the eggs”. Anything perishable that’s expiring soon is fair game to me, too, but I’ll at least replace it before I get home so they don’t get home and find out there’s no milk or something. It’s not that hard to not be a dick.
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Jun 10, 2018 21:14
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yeah but you're ~going to be a professor someday~ (you think) ergo the world owes you ham. any ham, any hams around. they're yours. it's only proper since you're better than other people.
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Jun 10, 2018 21:15
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Pick posted:yeah but you're ~going to be a professor someday~ (you think) ergo the world owes you ham. any ham, any hams around. they're yours. it's only proper since you're better than other people. quote:Is a man not entitled to the ham of his friend?
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Jun 10, 2018 21:18
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La Brea Carpet posted:The kid is in WV so the court will be a WV court. Everything I am reading says that she could file it in CA if she wanted 
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Jun 10, 2018 21:20
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I wonder if there are any legal permissions to be had there with respect to actually implanting the egg. You'd think if he'd be on hook for parental rights he'd have to agree to the procedure itself. It's such a mindboggling situation that it'd come up 10 years later like that. And if she's married wouldn't her husband be the one on the birth certificate unless they were already starting the process while she was pregnant? There's just so much to consider I wonder how on earth it could have come to this. OP better give updates.
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Jun 10, 2018 21:23
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ArbitraryC posted:I wonder if there are any legal permissions to be had there with respect to actually implanting the egg. You'd think if he'd be on hook for parental rights he'd have to agree to the procedure itself. It's such a mindboggling situation that it'd come up 10 years later like that. And if she's married wouldn't her husband be the one on the birth certificate unless they were already starting the process while she was pregnant? There's just so much to consider I wonder how on earth it could have come to this. Yeah not only that but how long should the consent even last? I mean I'd have to think it can't be a lifetime consent that would be insane. I'd love to know if he signed anything before doing it. He didn't get hosed when he was 18 but he's sure getting hosed good now.
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Jun 10, 2018 21:28
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Ahaha it starts with the title and only improves Punched in the feels by a Girl [26 F]. I [26 M] fear I am being too clingy. quote:I have been seeing a girl [26 F] for 3 or so months. We have a wonderful time together and everything goes great when we are physically together. I [26 M] can be clingy at times through texting because of my anxiety from past relationship trauma. I have started to fall for the girl, but recently she has been extremely rude to me. This owns by the way: "leave me alone" "ok!" *buys flowers* "what a garbage present"  Also "you can have fun without drinking" sxe dude and she was emotional so he carried a printer 45 minutes across campus, all in all 
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Jun 10, 2018 21:28
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Ham Sandwiches posted:Ahaha it starts with the title and only improves quote:I do everything to try and please this girl. I know she loves me the same way I love her and I see the way she looks at me when we are together. Last night she texted me and said she was emotional and really drunk. So I drove 45 minutes to go see why she was emotional. By the time I got there, she didn't want to talk at all. She told me I need to quit texting her so much. She wouldn't even give me a kiss goodnight. 
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Jun 10, 2018 21:33
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Ham Sandwiches posted:Ahaha it starts with the title and only improves quote:I tried to make her happy and then she is ungrateful. For her sake she needs to  , goddamn.
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Jun 10, 2018 21:33
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Isn’t carrying the printer a bit from an ancient goon nice guy thread? Not implying this is fake, just enjoying the callback. Edit: lol I guess I should read the whole thing before posting. Leaving this as a monument to my shame. andrew smash fucked around with this message at 22:00 on Jun 10, 2018 |
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