/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

The donut siren claims another victim.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 04:25

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# ? May 15, 2024 09:11

blugu64: Jul 17, 2006; Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I still don't understand how you can get those over the counter at pharmacies. I would have assumed they'd require a prescription, showing you're trying to quit cigarettes or something. Or at the very least require you to go to the pharmacy and have some oversight, like with loving pseudoephedrine.

I mean they're less harmful then cigarettes, and you don't need a prescription for those so...

pseudoephedrine is just behind the counter because it actually works, and is used to make drugs or something.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 04:26

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Was there a mention of English not being their first language? I really hope. (Though in nearly all of those posters they type better than native speakers anyway)

Yeah, there's one post saying they're French Canadian. Which makes sense because all the spelling errors aside it's coherently written.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 04:28

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

La Brea Carpet posted:

Somebody buy this man some Timbits so he can have a pair of balls.

Really, she�s been unemployed for months and not even bothering to look and you need to specify she�s lazy?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 04:33

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

My (24F) father (46M) refuses to come to my wedding because it wont be on "American Soil" I'm really upset and my father thinks I'm being Overly sensitive.

quote:

Some background: My father is a bit of a nationalist.... hes a little much. I love my country but not like he does. We dont agree on much to be honest. My father wasnt around much until my teenage years. My parents separated when I was 6.

I planned most of the wedding with my mother we decided since I don't have many friends and we decided a cruise wedding would work best for us. And it was WELL within our budget. I want a tiny ceremony and figured this would make it easy for everyone. I had told my father ahead of time that we were probably going to go on a cruise. He said that was fine with him.

Skip forward to now, were about 7 months out from the wedding and were trying to put the down payments for everything we need now. I call my father to confirm information with him in terms of pricing and such since he is helping us pay. He asks me where the stops on the cruise were. I explain that were going to the Bahamas. He asked if any of those places were American territories. I told him no. He then starts hooting and hollering that his daughter is going to be married on American soil, he refuses to get on that ship, and he's never leaving this country. And how He thought were doing an Alaskan cruise. I was a bit shocked by this outburst and got a bit upset. He told me I was being too emotional. We fought back and forth for a bit and it ended with him saying, "If you work hard to convince me and don't pout about it I might change my mind." Before hanging up on me.

Now I'm just sitting here and I dont really know what to do. I want my father there but I already set my heart on this cruise. So do I continue with it as just say screw my dad or do I spend the next 6 months begging him to come on this cruise with me?

Tldr: My dad refuses to go on a cruise off American soil for my wedding and wants me to try to convince him otherwise.

How many times do you think he says the word "snowflakes" unironically on a daily basis?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 04:54

Tanith: Jul 17, 2005; _{Alpha, Beta, Gamma cores

Use them, lose them, salvage more

Kick off the next AI war

In the Persean Sector}

I went looking for Lego, hoping to get some good collectors-going-overboard and maybe contracts limiting weekly purchasing, but I found this monstrosity:

quote:

My (33M) fiancee (34F) of 6 years is showing / developing some kind of mental problem and is becoming abusive towards me and our kids (1,5M, 4,5F). I don't know what to do.

Hello reddit, long time lurker, first time poster here. (I have actually never ever posted on reddit before, so bear with me). This is going to be super extra long and possibly convoluted, as I will try to flesh out the background a bit, but if you make it through I will surely appreciate any advice I can get.

I have a fiancee of 6 years with whom we have 2 children.We met about 6 years ago at a venue opening and hit it off immediately. She was there as a friend of a friend, and was, and to an extent still is, everything I wanted in a woman she is super smart, and beautiful to boot. When we met, she was working full time in her medical residency, and working towards a PhD on the side. I was in the process of purchasing a small flat, and asked her to move in with me about 6 months into the relationship. It was fast, but it felt right.

After about a year we had a surprise pregnancy. Upon her insistence we decided to use the safe days method of birth control, she said she didn't like the way that condoms felt, so we combined on unsafe days we used condoms, but on safe days we went without. Considering she is a medical doctor and actually works in the OB/GYN field, and was a math champion, and I was madly in love with her, I figured she knew what she was talking about, can count the days, and I can trust her.

Prior to the pregnancy we were having discussions about having a child once, in the future, but we wanted to travel a bit first, and let our careers settle down a bit. The discussions were initiated mostly from her side she felt her clock ticking, and saw the trouble late-conceiving parents are in for at work. For me, my sentiment was that if I was ever going to have kids, I want to have them with her. So the pregnancy was not something that we didn't want but it was a surprise for both of us. When we were about 3 months pregnant I had to go to Paris for work, and took her with me. We extended the stay in Paris, and I proposed there. Her answer was what, now? I mean yes, but I can't wear the dress with a baby belly, and if I'm getting married, I want to be able to party properly - so we postponed the wedding for a while. At this point I told her that as far as I'm concerned, we're married and that's it, and that we can have the ceremony anytime.

When the baby came, I have to admit I dropped the ball a bit. Despite everything, I guess that on some subconscious level I resented that the decision of when I will become a father was taken from me. Don't get me wrong, I did try to be the best father I could be I made her lunches to take to work during pregnancy, took over most of the housework, participated in purchasing of baby necessities, attended parental classes, read the books, helped out when breastfeeding didn't start OK, woke up in the night to help with the feedings, carried the baby through colic episodes, the works.

But, she always resented me that when she came home from the hospital, the flat was a mess. I didn't change the bedsheets; I was late to visit her and the baby in the hospital; when she was going home, I didn't bring her clean clothes, she had to use the ones she came in with (she didn't ask for a new set, although I could've thought of that on my own); I didn't make the homecoming special, she didn't receive a push present, and when she met her friends they were discussing the jewelry their husbands gave them and she felt, in her words, like the last piece of poo poo that nobody cares about.

I tried to make things up as much as I could, giving her a present a bit later, apologizing, etc, but this, combined with a mild postpartum depression, soured the relationship quite a bit.

When she returned to work that didn't help either. She was receiving bigger and bigger caseloads as her residency progressed, dealing with some pretty heavy stuff having to tell people they are going to die, telling mothers that the babies they are carrying are going to be born with deformities and deficiencies, examining aborted deformed baby fetuses, pretty nightmarish stuff really.

So there were a lot of evenings when she would come home, vegetate on the couch, and I would deal with taking care of our daughter. In the end, our daughter got so used to me in the evenings and the night, that her mother couldn't console her. This led to further bad feelings on both sides she felt that the child was abandoning her, and I resented that my help and taking over the care of the kid only made her more depressed.

During this time, we also started to fight more and more. Partly due to sleep deprivation and partly due to her depression (at least that's how I see it). There was always some problem which was the main cause that our lives were miserable.

I didn't do enough housework; after months of fighting, we got a cleaner to come in once a week, I take care of the dishes and wash and iron my own clothes so she basically does her and kid's laundry, tidies up a bit and that's it.

I was working too much mind you I start at 8 and was home at 5:30 PM. So I arranged with my boss to leave earlier and work from home in the evening, after I put the kid to bed, so I could be home an hour earlier.

Our apartment was crappy. So we bought a new couch, new bed, new kids' room.

And so on, a never-ending story always some purchase, or change, that is super urgent, and comes up in discussion 4 times a day, that has to be done, to improve our lives. Then we do that, we buy the thing, and things are fine for 2 days, and then again this has to be bought, this sucks and has to be changed This lead to me disputing a lot of these purchases as unnecessary, and more fighting.

All the bickering also made me into a pretty sloppy husband. I felt unmotivated for anything. There were no date nights; If I organised anything, she wouldn't go, or would have a crappy time. If we went out with friends, she would find something that would bother her either the venue was smelly, or whoever was bringing drinks didn't ask her what she wanted, or I didn't jump in to defend her when somebody asked her uncomfortable or inappropriate questions about the pregnancy. If we went to see a stand-up comedy event, the guy wasn't funny, or she couldn't understand him.

We fought and bickered more and more, and there was more and more resentment. When the baby was about a year and a half old, we realised we had problems, and had to work it out.

When the daughter was about 2 years old, things markedly improved. We started communicating better; we would sit down every other evening with a glass of wine, talk things over, and move on. We decided to have another child.

During the second pregnancy things went completely off the rails. There were nights when she would wake up, couldn't sleep, wake me up, and start a fight. On more than one occasion this would end up with her (and often me) screaming to the point we woke up the daughter.

She would have horrible bouts of anxiety and depression. She said things as that she wishes she was dead, that she wishes that she never got pregnant with me; that I don't love her, that nobody loves her I attributed this to pregnancy hormones and tried to take it on the chin.

Then, as part of the ongoing elimination of reasons why our lives suck, she decided we have to move. We were living in a small apartment without an elevator, and we had just paid off our mortgage; we own the apartment 50/50 now. Since the apartment has no elevator, she said she is not going to carry a newborn up four flights of stairs.

So we looked for an apartment, and couldn't find one to our liking. So we decided to renovate the upper floor of her family house, where her mother lives, and move there.

Upon this decision, the timing with the pregnancy was pretty tight. So I put all my skills and money into the project. I put up $20000 of my own money to renovate the upper floor into a comfortable flat (she put up half that), and whipped to workers to a frenzy so we finished the renovation on time. We moved in, and three weeks later our son was born.

After about three months she started complaining that she couldn't live there. That she didn't feel comfortable, she didn't have any space to walk the stroller (the house is on the outskirts, there's a lot of unpaved road and farmland there), that her sister, with whom she has a very stressed relationship lives next door etc.

She wanted to move back to the apartment, which was in the meantime rented out. Finally I said OK, but I would want us to sign some kind of paper which would state how much money I had invested into the house. She freaked out on this, and we had a huge fight about how I wanted money from her, which she did not have. She spent the next few days on the couch, laying down or sleeping. And I decided I can't hack this on my own anymore, and it was therapy/counselling time.

So we stared counselling. The counsellor said that from description some form of postpartum depression is probable, and that for the time being, I should just say yes as much as I can, and work on being there for her. So I did that. We moved back; I forgot about the money; whenever she wanted us to buy something, i said yes without thought or discussion. In therapy, I cooperated as much as I could.

During the pregnancy, she became impossible to talk to, and counselling did little to help. She never apologized for anything, unless I extorted her to (even then, it was more of a sorry, are you happy now? thing). She hit me on a couple (3-4) occasions (fist to chest). I'm a big guy (100kg, 2m), I can take the hits, but that's not really the point. One time, she hit me in the chest multiple times, while I was carrying the screaming child, trying to calm her down. Whenever I tried to explain my side of things to her, she renders it invalid. If I tell her she is abusive, she tells me we are pathological in combination, and we should break up, that it's better for the kids. Then she calms down and acts as if nothing happened.

We have a lot of arguments about petty things, and things are becoming increasingly weirder. A list of weird rules in the house: - Eggs must be brought home from the store in a separate bag, as they may be contaminated with salmonella. - All cans must be rinsed before opening, as mice run free in storage rooms, and mice dung carries haemorragic fever. - Meat, even when vacuum packed and bagged in a separate bag, has to be brought home in separate bag, as it can contaminate food. - If a piece of clean laundry falls on the floor while folding, it is deemed dirty and must be washed again. - I carried a duvet from one room to other, brushed a hung-up jacket on the way; duvet had to be redressed and the cover washed. Etc.

Every time I try to logic her out of this, she gets angry and upset, and we end up on the why can't you just do this small thing as I ask you and these are my feelings, why can't you respect them arguments.

After about six months of intermittent counselling the therapist started to lean into her. How all she does is complain; how she is not proactive; does she not see she has a problem This lead to a session where my all-but-wife said that the sessions don't make her feel any better, that all she gets is attacks, and we are ganging up on her I said that if she doesn't want to be here, there is no point, she agreed, so we quit counselling. This was in September.

The therapist segued her into individual sessions with a separate counsellor, to work on her own issues, and she did that for a while, but I suspect she also stopped that.

For a while, she really tried to make things work, and things were good. Our sex life resurged for a bit. But then I had to go away for work on a Saturday, twice. She resented this greatly, as both times I left her alone while she was sick to take care of the kids. (I offered to engage my mother as help, but they don't get along) from her perspective, I should've weaselled out of it somehow, as one thing was a teambuilding event, and the other was not really super urgent.

And things fell apart again, and our sex life died completely for the last 4 months. Upon discussing this with her, she says she just doesn't feel emotionally close to me, and that she can't have sex with some she feels so distant to.

So this brings us to now.

These holidays, it was the best of times and the worst of times again. We connected christmas and newyears days off, went skiing, taught the 4yo to ski; took a daytrip by ourselves, had fun. We even kissed and hugged, with actual substance.

And then, the worst. When we were at her sisters' after Christmas, there was also her aunt, who has herpes keratitis (possible misspelling herpes of the eye). My fiancee is so worried that the kids will catch this that at all family occasions the kids have to be kept away from the aunt, and she can not touch them.

At all. For the last four years.

After we come home, all the clothes, including jackets, have to be washed, and kids showered. If, on the way in, we touch any other piece of clothing, that has to be washed too.

This extreme cleanliness has only been increasing. We still get mail at her mother's house. Her mother's house is deemed unclean; any contact of items from that house with other items (ie, mail from there on kitchen table) will make the table dirty and has to be washed.

Then, last Wednesday, we see that our favourite kids' store has a sale. My mother has been offering to help with stuff for the kids, so the wife has me call her to go shopping together. I call, but my mother has errands, and we have a scheduling conflict. As I hang up the phone, the wife tears into me that this is important, that we can't turn the day around for my mother, that how come she offers help and then has no time I was still stressed from the ebola-like decontamination procedure the day before, and we fight, which leads her to hitting me again (four hits fist to chest, one grabbing of throat and pulling). This followed by a complete meltdown, and In order to calm down the kids I have to apologize and calm her down. And somehow I am the bad guy because I made her so angry that she lost it and hit me, that I should've stopped arguing before it got so far.

And then the events at my parents' at new year. We exchanged presents, and the kids got some lego sets and dolls, and the adults got trinkets. My sister and my wife got a towel and a pair of tweezers; I and sister's BF got a towel and a wrench set.

My wife spent the entire day afterwards insulted about the presents. How it means that my family hates her. That the gifts were devoid of any thought and consideration. Showing that my sister got the same thing as her did not ease this at all it was even worse, because it shows that my mother is a narcissist, who can't invest the effort to buy personal gifts. This has lead to her spending entire Saturday on her own (running errands) and Sunday on the couch, and I had to take care of both kids. And again I am at fault, because I made her go to my parents, and she didn't want to go, and it would be better if she got nothing and didn't feel worthless.

I got her to go back into counselling on third week of january, but I don't know what to do anymore. This magnificent woman, who has a PhD to her name, gives every sign that she hates my guts now. She has become completely irrational on some accounts.

When I try to explain this, she mocks me when I say I won't wash something that has been light brushed by unclean stuff, she gets angry, and then mocks me oh, because its irAAAshunUUUULLL?!.

I suspect that all of this may be stemming from some sort of childhood abuse. Her father died when we were together about 6 months, from a long and debilitating illness. I never got to properly meet him, but the stories they tell about him are pretty strange - he was very much a patriarchal figure, and my MIL is a very broken person.

I don't know what to do. I can stop treating her with empathy, and start setting boundaries, but if she has some sort of depression/anxiety thing, she will only hate me more.

If I keep bending to her wishes, I am only enabling her, and it will get worse.

If I get her into therapy, and push on her, she will bolt again (probably). This, we'll see in therapy.

If I divorce her, she will get the kids, unless I can prove she is a murdering maniac (we're not in US).

I don't know how to act. I can't be a doormat anymore. I can't have my 4yo see me get punched by her. I am beginning to hate her, and there is not a lot of empathy left in me. I am afraid for what's coming in this year. So I'm turning to wisdom of strangers on the internet.

TL;DR Parter of 6 years is becoming increasingly obsessed with cleanliness and petty arguments, to the point of OCD. Is insulted by smallest actions or omissions of actions. Can not calm down. Can not manage negative emotions. Only remembers bad things. If a fight progresses past a certain point, will punch to chest in anxiety. Suspect some kind of mental problem. She has bailed on therapy once before, have session scheduled in end of January, need advice how to proceed.

There is a lot to unpack here.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 05:00

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (24F) father (46M) refuses to come to my wedding because it wont be on "American Soil" I'm really upset and my father thinks I'm being Overly sensitive.

How many times do you think he says the word "snowflakes" unironically on a daily basis?

quote:

He then starts hooting and hollering that his daughter is going to be married on American soil, he refuses to get on that ship, and he's never leaving this country. And how He thought were doing an Alaskan cruise. I was a bit shocked by this outburst and got a bit upset. He told me I was being too emotional.

You should cut this toxic piece of garbage out of your life.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 05:08

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

"He then starts hooting and hollering that his daughter is going to be married on American soil, he refuses to get on that ship, and he's never leaving this country. And how He thought were doing an Alaskan cruise."

Lol, he doesn't understand that you technically have to leave the country to get to Alaska.

It's also not that interesting here, unless you like mountains and moose and maybe a few whales.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 05:21

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

It's not leaving the country that's the issue, the father wants the ceremony to be held on American soil that people died face down in rice paddies during nam to defend, that makes the wedding more blessed

# ? Jun 11, 2018 05:24

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Why is he even invited beyond �there is a seat for you to attend the wedding with the family you left us for�

# ? Jun 11, 2018 05:28

Mister Olympus: Oct 31, 2011; Buzzard, Who Steals From Dead Bodies

Barudak posted:

Why is he even invited beyond �there is a seat for you to attend the wedding with the family you left us for�

People raised by parents far less ultraconservative than this still have this dumb kneejerk thing about family actually mattering and being important no matter how toxic and godawful they are. I have no doubt that this idiot's child still considers the "tradition" so ingrained in her that she HAS to have him involved or it can't happen, like the people that need to pathologically seek out a parent's blessing to marry.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 05:31

Nightgull: Jan 22, 2018; TOTALLY NOT A CONSERVATIVE
or a fucking nazi

Barudak posted:

Why is he even invited beyond �there is a seat for you to attend the wedding with the family you left us for�

Can�t have a hootenanny without some hootin

# ? Jun 11, 2018 05:32

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Wife [37f] and I [39m] have lost all of our children and our marriage is falling apart. How to stay united when dealing with grief?

We had 3 children, who were 18f, 18m, and 15m. About a few months ago (the end of last year) , our daughter was lost in a car accident. Her loss had us all messed up, but especially her brothers. Her twin became isolated and would lay in bed for days without doing anything, didn't even come to the funeral because he couldn't go a minute without crying. Someone always stayed with them both, My wife or I.

But one day I took the youngest to a therapist appointment while he and wife was still asleep. Apparently she thought I had taken both the boys so she left to run errands. When we came back home he was dead (I'm not going to get graphic with details or anything). This broke our youngest even more, who we admitted to a hospital because he was speaking of killing himself next. He was released eventually and we watched him like a hawk, and we'd all sleep in the same room so he wouldn't be out of our sight. But we failed. Last week, our youngest ended his life, leaving behind a note telling us the pain was too much and he can't handle his siblings being gone, how he doesn't want to grow up alone without them.

We've blamed each other, ourselves, and have argued until we were blue in the face. There are times when we just sit on the floor and cry for as long as it comes out. Wife cannot function anymore, has quit work, and is prone to random emotional outbursts (throwing things, becoming violent). I'm not shaming or blaming her, to be clear. I feel her pain, and know exactly why she's acting like that. Our children were everything to us, our oldest two were ust starting their lives, and their brother was right behind them. Two of them committed suicide, and we couldn't stop them. It's pathetic, and our kids needed more. She won't go to any sort of counseling, and I honestly don't blame her. I don't know what we need right now, but as naive as it sounds I want us to still be together. To try to get through this somehow. We've lost our children, and the last thing we need is to lose each other. I don't exactly have a stable mind to figure out what I need to do, as a husband

tl;dr: the death of our children has ruined my wife and I along with our mental states. Cooing is going horrible and counseling is unappealing in the moment. Not sure how to make this work and stay together. How I can be a good husband?

uh, um, I�

# ? Jun 11, 2018 06:07

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (24F) father (46M) refuses to come to my wedding because it wont be on "American Soil" I'm really upset and my father thinks I'm being Overly sensitive.

How many times do you think he says the word "snowflakes" unironically on a daily basis?

skipping my daughter's wedding to own all of the snowflake liberals

# ? Jun 11, 2018 06:10

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Wife [37f] and I [39m] have lost all of our children and our marriage is falling apart. How to stay united when dealing with grief?

We had 3 children, who were 18f, 18m, and 15m. About a few months ago (the end of last year) , our daughter was lost in a car accident. Her loss had us all messed up, but especially her brothers. Her twin became isolated and would lay in bed for days without doing anything, didn't even come to the funeral because he couldn't go a minute without crying. Someone always stayed with them both, My wife or I.

But one day I took the youngest to a therapist appointment while he and wife was still asleep. Apparently she thought I had taken both the boys so she left to run errands. When we came back home he was dead (I'm not going to get graphic with details or anything). This broke our youngest even more, who we admitted to a hospital because he was speaking of killing himself next. He was released eventually and we watched him like a hawk, and we'd all sleep in the same room so he wouldn't be out of our sight. But we failed. Last week, our youngest ended his life, leaving behind a note telling us the pain was too much and he can't handle his siblings being gone, how he doesn't want to grow up alone without them.

We've blamed each other, ourselves, and have argued until we were blue in the face. There are times when we just sit on the floor and cry for as long as it comes out. Wife cannot function anymore, has quit work, and is prone to random emotional outbursts (throwing things, becoming violent). I'm not shaming or blaming her, to be clear. I feel her pain, and know exactly why she's acting like that. Our children were everything to us, our oldest two were ust starting their lives, and their brother was right behind them. Two of them committed suicide, and we couldn't stop them. It's pathetic, and our kids needed more. She won't go to any sort of counseling, and I honestly don't blame her. I don't know what we need right now, but as naive as it sounds I want us to still be together. To try to get through this somehow. We've lost our children, and the last thing we need is to lose each other. I don't exactly have a stable mind to figure out what I need to do, as a husband

tl;dr: the death of our children has ruined my wife and I along with our mental states. Cooing is going horrible and counseling is unappealing in the moment. Not sure how to make this work and stay together. How I can be a good husband?

uh, um, I�

lovely situation but honestly kinda weird they killed themselves. I wonder if something else was going wrong.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 06:16

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

drat, that's just... yeah, that's just divorce, leave behind all worldly attachments and go spend the rest of your life ice fishing or painting in Brazil or joining the Foreign Legion or something sad.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 06:26

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Tanith posted:

I went looking for Lego, hoping to get some good collectors-going-overboard and maybe contracts limiting weekly purchasing, but I found this monstrosity:

There is a lot to unpack here.

I read this whole long thing and...I think anyone who hits me while I'm holding my newborn leaves the house *now*.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 06:31

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

ArbitraryC posted:

lovely situation but honestly kinda weird they killed themselves. I wonder if something else was going wrong.

I don�t know if it�s that weird. What�s the term when someone commits suicide and others follow suit? Not �copycat� I don�t think, but the older brother was too overcome over losing his twin sister and committed suicide, the younger brother was grief stricken about losing both of his siblings and maybe felt it was easier/less painful to follow suit.

Mental illness can run in families, and I don�t know if it�s true or just anecdotal, but some families seem to have a predisposition to suicidal ideation.

Like Hemingway�s family line: his father committed suicide, he and two of his siblings committed suicide, his granddaughter committed suicide, as well as I think two other extended family members.

There�s also the Von Erich family:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Von_Erich_family
Out of six brothers, one died in a freak childhood accident (electrocuted and drowned in a puddle) one died from enteritis or a drug overdose, and three committed suicide, with the third brother to do it claiming he �had� to because his brothers were waiting for him; that he had to join them. The second oldest brother, Kevin, is the only one still alive.

That story is just heartbreaking. All three kids.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 06:40

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

LadyPictureShow posted:

I don�t know if it�s that weird. What�s the term when someone commits suicide and others follow suit? Not �copycat� I don�t think, but the older brother was too overcome over losing his twin sister and committed suicide, the younger brother was grief stricken about losing both of his siblings and maybe felt it was easier/less painful to follow suit.

Mental illness can run in families, and I don�t know if it�s true or just anecdotal, but some families seem to have a predisposition to suicidal ideation.

Like Hemingway�s family line: his father committed suicide, he and two of his siblings committed suicide, his granddaughter committed suicide, as well as I think two other extended family members.

There�s also the Von Erich family:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Von_Erich_family
Out of six brothers, one died in a freak childhood accident (electrocuted and drowned in a puddle) one died from enteritis or a drug overdose, and three committed suicide, with the third brother to do it claiming he �had� to because his brothers were waiting for him; that he had to join them. The second oldest brother, Kevin, is the only one still alive.

That story is just heartbreaking. All three kids.

yeah I mean my dad died when I was a child, potentially avoidable too if bystanders were a bit more proactive which made it extra hard to cope with, but seeing how the death of him affected my family even though i kind of wanted to die I wouldn't have actually offed myself, even as a tween I understood it'd be selfish to do that. People lose loved ones all the time and the entire family doesn't just kill themselves normally. It's a weird situation and it makes me wonder if there were either other external or internal factors.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 06:57

life is a joke: Mar 7, 2016

I bet anything that 'murica dad has warrants out and doesn't want cbp running fingerprints on reentry (bonus guess: firearms charges)

# ? Jun 11, 2018 08:26

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I think this thread's caught that bug where there's always 1 new post that can't be read.

edit: It fixed itself?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 08:44

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (24F) father (46M) refuses to come to my wedding because it wont be on "American Soil" I'm really upset and my father thinks I'm being Overly sensitive.

How many times do you think he says the word "snowflakes" unironically on a daily basis?

Missing one of the most important days of my baby girl�s life to own the libs :smuggo:

Ham Sandwiches posted:

It's not leaving the country that's the issue, the father wants the ceremony to be held on American soil that people died face down in rice paddies during nam to defend, that makes the wedding more blessed

God bless

Ghost Leviathan posted:

drat, that's just... yeah, that's just divorce, leave behind all worldly attachments and go spend the rest of your life ice fishing or painting in Brazil or joining the Foreign Legion or something sad.

Yeah, that�s like �chronic alcoholic supporting character in a movie but whenever it comes up someone always says �but who could blame him� and everyone nods quietly� territory.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 09:09

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

ArbitraryC posted:

It's a weird situation and it makes me wonder if there were either other external or internal factors.

Im sorry to hear about your dad, AC.

I�m guessing there were other contributing factors to the two suicides. The fact that they mention the twin brother was too grief stricken to get out of bed even to go to the funeral and the fact they were afraid to leave him alone in the house and accidentally did sounds like he might have had mental health stuff going on even prior to his twin dying.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 12:00

ZearothK: Aug 25, 2008; I've lost twice, I've failed twice and I've gotten two dishonorable mentions within 7 weeks. But I keep coming back. I am The Trooper!

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (24F) father (46M) refuses to come to my wedding because it wont be on "American Soil" I'm really upset and my father thinks I'm being Overly sensitive.

She should explain to him that the Bahamas are in America (the continent). Failing that explain the Monroe Doctrine in detail, until he understands the whole continent belongs to the US.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 12:38

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

"All right, Dad, you can miss out on my wedding like you missed out on my childhood. Don't expect to meet the grandkids, either."

# ? Jun 11, 2018 13:12

Nightgull: Jan 22, 2018; TOTALLY NOT A CONSERVATIVE
or a fucking nazi

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Wife [37f] and I [39m] have lost all of our children and our marriage is falling apart. How to stay united when dealing with grief?

We had 3 children, who were 18f, 18m, and 15m. About a few months ago (the end of last year) , our daughter was lost in a car accident. Her loss had us all messed up, but especially her brothers. Her twin became isolated and would lay in bed for days without doing anything, didn't even come to the funeral because he couldn't go a minute without crying. Someone always stayed with them both, My wife or I.

But one day I took the youngest to a therapist appointment while he and wife was still asleep. Apparently she thought I had taken both the boys so she left to run errands. When we came back home he was dead (I'm not going to get graphic with details or anything). This broke our youngest even more, who we admitted to a hospital because he was speaking of killing himself next. He was released eventually and we watched him like a hawk, and we'd all sleep in the same room so he wouldn't be out of our sight. But we failed. Last week, our youngest ended his life, leaving behind a note telling us the pain was too much and he can't handle his siblings being gone, how he doesn't want to grow up alone without them.

We've blamed each other, ourselves, and have argued until we were blue in the face. There are times when we just sit on the floor and cry for as long as it comes out. Wife cannot function anymore, has quit work, and is prone to random emotional outbursts (throwing things, becoming violent). I'm not shaming or blaming her, to be clear. I feel her pain, and know exactly why she's acting like that. Our children were everything to us, our oldest two were ust starting their lives, and their brother was right behind them. Two of them committed suicide, and we couldn't stop them. It's pathetic, and our kids needed more. She won't go to any sort of counseling, and I honestly don't blame her. I don't know what we need right now, but as naive as it sounds I want us to still be together. To try to get through this somehow. We've lost our children, and the last thing we need is to lose each other. I don't exactly have a stable mind to figure out what I need to do, as a husband

tl;dr: the death of our children has ruined my wife and I along with our mental states. Cooing is going horrible and counseling is unappealing in the moment. Not sure how to make this work and stay together. How I can be a good husband?

uh, um, I�

God drat I definitely did not need to read this today, slap a trigger warning on that poo poo or something

# ? Jun 11, 2018 13:26

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Wife [37f] and I [39m] have lost all of our children and our marriage is falling apart. How to stay united when dealing with grief?

We had 3 children, who were 18f, 18m, and 15m. About a few months ago (the end of last year) , our daughter was lost in a car accident. Her loss had us all messed up, but especially her brothers. Her twin became isolated and would lay in bed for days without doing anything, didn't even come to the funeral because he couldn't go a minute without crying. Someone always stayed with them both, My wife or I.

But one day I took the youngest to a therapist appointment while he and wife was still asleep. Apparently she thought I had taken both the boys so she left to run errands. When we came back home he was dead (I'm not going to get graphic with details or anything). This broke our youngest even more, who we admitted to a hospital because he was speaking of killing himself next. He was released eventually and we watched him like a hawk, and we'd all sleep in the same room so he wouldn't be out of our sight. But we failed. Last week, our youngest ended his life, leaving behind a note telling us the pain was too much and he can't handle his siblings being gone, how he doesn't want to grow up alone without them.

We've blamed each other, ourselves, and have argued until we were blue in the face. There are times when we just sit on the floor and cry for as long as it comes out. Wife cannot function anymore, has quit work, and is prone to random emotional outbursts (throwing things, becoming violent). I'm not shaming or blaming her, to be clear. I feel her pain, and know exactly why she's acting like that. Our children were everything to us, our oldest two were ust starting their lives, and their brother was right behind them. Two of them committed suicide, and we couldn't stop them. It's pathetic, and our kids needed more. She won't go to any sort of counseling, and I honestly don't blame her. I don't know what we need right now, but as naive as it sounds I want us to still be together. To try to get through this somehow. We've lost our children, and the last thing we need is to lose each other. I don't exactly have a stable mind to figure out what I need to do, as a husband

tl;dr: the death of our children has ruined my wife and I along with our mental states. Cooing is going horrible and counseling is unappealing in the moment. Not sure how to make this work and stay together. How I can be a good husband?

uh, um, I�

This is completely hosed and 100% not what you go to the internet for Jesus Christ.

Get therapy lots of it holy gently caress.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 13:32

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Nightgull posted:

God drat I definitely did not need to read this today, slap a trigger warning on that poo poo or something

Word. Came for my morning lols before going to work then WHAM...crippling bummer, moderate contemplation of mortality

# ? Jun 11, 2018 13:33

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

MarcusSA posted:

This is completely hosed and 100% not what you go to the internet for Jesus Christ.

Get therapy lots of it holy gently caress.

The OP said they see a therapist every �couple weeks or so� in the comments.

They need some intensive grief counseling, not just a regular ol� therapist that they see every few weeks.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 13:35

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Nightgull posted:

Can’t have a hootenanny without some hootin

This guy knows what's up

# ? Jun 11, 2018 15:10

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Suicide family is depressing. I don't come here to be depressed - I come here to read about lovely people so I can distract myself from focusing on how lovely I actually am. So, with that said, lets post more stories with lovely people. Up next, a lovely nerd dad!

My (36f) husband (35m) is blatantly disinterested in our kids (13f, 10f, 5f) unless they want to do something he's interested in, like video games, watching nerdy movies, etc.

quote:

I'm not on this website a lot, but a friend of mine told me that the user base of Reddit leans very far towards the "nerdy" so that you guys might have more ideas on how to work on this issue.

Greg and I met in high school. We weren't high school sweethearts, but we were in the same friend group. After college, we began hooking up regularly, and established a relationship. Two years into it, we had our first daughter. Then we decided we wanted to get married, and things have been pretty great.

I guess part of this issue is mine, because it wasn't until the 10 year old daughter came to me and asked me about it that I even realized.

Greg is not what you'd call a very involved dad. He shows up for school functions as necessary, and we have family dinner most nights. But outside of those types of things, it's like he lives a separate life from us.

The 10 year old came to me recently and asked me why Dad doesn't eve want to do anything with her other than play video games or watch Star Wars or things like that. I asked her what she meant, and she said "Well remember all those times he was trying to get me to watch Star Wars? I kept telling him I didn't like it and it was boring, but he kept trying to get me into it." And I remembered that when he backed off, it was with a comment about how it was "disappointing" to him that he couldn't share his interests with his own kids.

After she brought it to my attention, I thought harder and took better notice. Greg tried to get the 5 year old into something relating to Marvel Comics and their movies, I think it was the Avengers. None of the kids had any interest in it. The 5 year old asked him if he'd read to her, and he would only agree if he could pick out -- and you guessed it, it had to be something comics related, or related to sci-fi/fantasy. She would be patient and she would pretend to like it, but the fact was that she was clearly only doing it so she could spend time with her Dad.

The 13 year old is your average teenage girl. She has a lot of different interests, but one of them is books. Right now her favorite is Children of Blood and Bone. She gave the first book to her Dad to see if he'd like it. It sat around for a week and when I asked him if he'd had a chance, he said "Not interested" and chuckled about it. I asked him if he could just read some of it and at least talk to her about it to share something, he snorted and said "Why would I do that? I'm not interested in it. If she wants to read Lord of the Rings, or the Hobbit, then we'll talk."

I guess it was that moment when I realized there really IS a problem here. Unless it aligns perfectly with his nerdy interests, he just has no capacity to show interest for the sake of spending time with his kids. Thinking back, when the kids would watch cartoons, it would always have to be Batman the Animated Series or something like that. He tried desperately to get them all into Doctor Who, but they all thought it was boring. We tried to find some common ground, and he suggested Futurama, which the girls again, think is boring, but they will sit through it with him just to spend time with him.

For the record, it extends past media (it sounds like we're all glued to the TV, we're not, but they're good examples). He's not interested in sports, where the 13 and 10 year old both play soccer, and the 5 year old does gymnastics. He never comes to their games/meets, citing that he'd rather just have some free time to himself. But if he suddenly has an interest in, say, hiking, we are expected to rally and follow him. Truthfully, we do, because again, we want to spend time with him.

(He works a standard issue 40hr/week job. It is not a stressful job, either. I work a similar job. Mine is also not stressful. We do not hurt for money in any way.)

When it comes to family vacations, we've only taken one. I really wanted to go to the Grand Canyon, and so did the girls. He acted like a child about it, honestly. And he insisted that on the drives, we had to listen to his podcasts. Which we did! And some of them were enjoyable. But on the drive back, the girls wanted to listen to In the Heights and Hamilton, and he would not stop making snide comments about it.

When I initially tried to talk to him about it, he retreated and told me that I was trying to "change" him and try to "feminize" him in some way. I have no idea where that came from, honestly. I asked him, point blank, why he doesn't want to spend time with his daughter, and all he could say was "I just don't want to waste my time. We only have so much time on this planet."

Seeing the way my daughters have brought this up to me and seeing how they feel about it, I am honestly a little heartbroken. Is there work that can be done here? Has anyone dealt with this before with their family?

tl;dr: My husband is not very interested in spending time with his kids unless it is in relation to his very specific interests. Other than that, it's a fight to get him to spend time with them. What can we do?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 16:32

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Hellblazer187 posted:

Suicide family is depressing. I don't come here to be depressed - I come here to read about lovely people so I can distract myself from focusing on how lovely I actually am. So, with that said, lets post more stories with lovely people. Up next, a lovely nerd dad!

My (36f) husband (35m) is blatantly disinterested in our kids (13f, 10f, 5f) unless they want to do something he's interested in, like video games, watching nerdy movies, etc.

As a dad of 2 that is a deeply sad story.

What the gently caress dude

# ? Jun 11, 2018 16:37

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Happy Father's Day!

Husband of 4 years wants to travel by himself to another country and leave me and my kids so he can have an �adventure of a lifetime�

quote:

My husband of just 4 years told me last night that he would really like to visit the Philippines by himself because he wants to have an �adventure of a lifetime.� He says this to me after these 3 major things have recently happened: 1. He asked me a few months ago if he can have sex with other women. He said that it�s good to ask instead of assume that I won�t be ok with it and because I got upset, he now knows that I won�t be ok with it. 2. I found a text exchange between him and this girl from the gym a few weeks ago. Yes, it was an innocent, non-sexual text but I�ve never even heard of this girl before. He then says that he has known her since high school and that there�s nothing wrong with the text. Plus, they just always see each other at the gym because they both have �the same passion for fitness and health.� 3. He has been very nice to his ex-wife recently. She is the mother of his first child. They�ve been in court for several things and to change the parenting schedule because she accused him of showing porn to their 12 year old son. After several appearances with a magistrate, the son just confessed to his mother that it was him who looked up the porn sites and not his father. The ex now wants to settle a couple of things (she owes him money) outside the court and drop the charges against him related to the porn.

We now have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and I would hate for her to grow up in a broken home. My husband swears that this trip was just for an adventure and not to have sex with many women. I am in so much anger and pain right now. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Should I just be ok with him going on this �adventure trip� so he is happy and we can keep working on our marriage? Should I just file for divorce if he does go without my consent? Do your husbands ask for something like this - to travel on his own to a different country?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 16:39

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Hellblazer187 posted:

Suicide family is depressing. I don't come here to be depressed - I come here to read about lovely people so I can distract myself from focusing on how lovely I actually am. So, with that said, lets post more stories with lovely people. Up next, a lovely nerd dad!

My (36f) husband (35m) is blatantly disinterested in our kids (13f, 10f, 5f) unless they want to do something he's interested in, like video games, watching nerdy movies, etc.

quote:

When I initially tried to talk to him about it, he retreated and told me that I was trying to "change" him and try to "feminize" him in some way. I have no idea where that came from, honestly. I asked him, point blank, why he doesn't want to spend time with his daughter, and all he could say was "I just don't want to waste my time. We only have so much time on this planet."

Hahahah your husband reads the Red Pill.

:sever:

# ? Jun 11, 2018 16:39

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

La Brea Carpet posted:

Happy Father's Day!

Husband of 4 years wants to travel by himself to another country and leave me and my kids so he can have an �adventure of a lifetime�

lol let him go. Change the locks and file for divorce.

Adventure of a lifetime lol!!

# ? Jun 11, 2018 16:42

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

La Brea Carpet posted:

Happy Father's Day!

Husband of 4 years wants to travel by himself to another country and leave me and my kids so he can have an �adventure of a lifetime�

quote:

My husband of just 4 years told me last night that he would really like to visit the Philippines by himself because he wants to have an �adventure of a lifetime.� He says this to me after these 3 major things have recently happened: 1. He asked me a few months ago if he can have sex with other women. He said that it�s good to ask instead of assume that I won�t be ok with it and because I got upset, he now knows that I won�t be ok with it.

quote:

Should I just file for divorce

Admiral Ray fucked around with this message at 16:47 on Jun 11, 2018

# ? Jun 11, 2018 16:45

Aramoro: Jun 1, 2012

MarcusSA posted:

Adventure of a lifetime lol!!

I can't really imagine going on the adventure of a lifetime and not taking my wife, that just seems like a really weird thing to do. I get wanting to be alone for a bit or whatever, going hiking or something. But the adventure of a lifetime?

# ? Jun 11, 2018 16:45

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Aramoro posted:

I can't really imagine going on the adventure of a lifetime and not taking my wife, that just seems like a really weird thing to do. I get wanting to be alone for a bit or whatever, going hiking or something. But the adventure of a lifetime?

Oh, let me translate. In douchebag the phrase "adventure of a lifetime" means paying for every manner of ethnicity of prostitutes.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 16:48

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Aramoro posted:

I can't really imagine going on the adventure of a lifetime and not taking my wife, that just seems like a really weird thing to do. I get wanting to be alone for a bit or whatever, going hiking or something. But the adventure of a lifetime?

Well there are only a few reasons why a male travels to the Philippines by him self....

It�s really not some cultural hot spot.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 16:49

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# ? May 15, 2024 09:11

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Absurd Alhazred posted:

"All right, Dad, you can miss out on my wedding like you missed out on my childhood. Don't expect to meet the grandkids, either."

They should be so lucky.

# ? Jun 11, 2018 16:49

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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