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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 21, 2024 17:02
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- Macnult
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Tantalus: (punching his time card) So, how's the old grind, Sissy? Going to get that big rock all the way to the top today?
Sisyphus: (chewing while also punching his time card) Same ol' same ol'. Mmm, these grapes are good, you should try one.
Tantalus: rear end in a top hat.
Disembodied voice: Mmm, these grapes are good, you should try one.
Tantalus: gently caress off, Echo.
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May 18, 2018 18:08
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- City of Glompton
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lol
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May 18, 2018 21:05
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- kalel
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Cowboy: Right now thar's some dang city slicker readin' on the innernet about me, thinkin' 'bout me, wantin' a be me- well you kin get on an' git because this here's MAH niche an' ya ain't gonna git it, Git it?
Cook: Who the heck ya talkin' ta now, Brett? ya dang moonshine addled sout!
Cowboy (pointing at YOU): Them folks right thar! makin' funna us an' how we think!
Cook: Oh, yeah! Now i see um! Hey, Sheriff! Ain'tcha gunna do sumpin' about that!
Sheriff: Ya'll go on an' get! Yer breakin' the Fourth Wall an' as representative of the LAW roun' here i gotta have yall disperse!
Cowboy: Eh HEHEhe! This sure ain't how I reckoned this day ta end!
Cook (looking at you): Aw don't mind them fellers, they's justa teasin' ya! Go on ahead with yer little joke thing and pay them no mind!
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May 20, 2018 07:19
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- City of Glompton
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(my own quote included solely for context)
corby was spot on
thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig
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May 21, 2018 05:47
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- Robot Made of Meat
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A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby and the bus driver says "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Insulted, she walks toward the back and takes a seat. The person sitting next to her says "you're not going to let the bus driver get away with that, are you? Go on and tell him off, I'll hold that big ugly light bulb for you!"
Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!
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May 21, 2018 16:31
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- Randy Travesty
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PHANTOM QUEEN
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A young traveler consulted with an old master. "What is the secret to everlasting happiness?"
The master responded, "Go to the summit of the mountain. Retrieve what you find and bring it here, and you will have your answer."
The young traveler spent the next three days scaling the mountain. Athletic and worldly as he was, by the time he reached the top he felt almost completely drained of his energy. All he found at the summit was a simple hut, and inside, a small black wooden box sealed with a lock. Another three days later, he made it back to the old master. The master removed the lock with a key hanging on a string around his neck. Inside lay two really fat blunts.
The old master took one and lit it, and gestured to the young traveler. "Help yourself my dude." The traveler replied, "Lmao," and was enlightened.
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May 22, 2018 06:46
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- Pot Smoke Phoenix
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Smoke 'em if you gottem!
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Miss Suzie had a steamboat,
The steamboat had a bell,
Miss Suzie's life was empty,
A steamboat wouldn't
Help me operator,
The suicide hotline,
If you do not connect me,
I'll down pills with bottled
Winding down the day,
Old sitcoms on repeat,
Tomorrow won't be better,
This life has got me
Beating off to telemarketers,
How did it come to this?
Passed out in the bathroom,
In a pool of my own
Pistol in my mouth,
I'm doing it this time,
Don't you try to stop me,
It's better I just
Dicing up tomatoes,
Spaghetti by the ton,
Bag and freeze the leftovers,
Another meal for
One day something's coming,
To put it to an end,
When the reaper comes to beckon me,
I'll greet him as a
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!
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Jun 2, 2018 15:57
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- Android Blues
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wowzers (A+)
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Jun 5, 2018 15:15
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- alnilam
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google but for couches. amazon but for couches. whole foods but for google. wal-mart but for halliburton. apple but for christianity. snapchat but for particle physics. the concept of "thing, but for thing," but for pizza. adderall. like, where's my adderall. that's not a concept, I just need my adderall
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Jun 11, 2018 16:01
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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I am trying to meditate, memory of a rat's big balls, please stop interfering.
please, I just need five minutes. stop appearing in my mind. no, I do not want to think about a specific rat that I saw once and his comically big balls right now. I am trying to calm my mind and recenter myself.
please stop slowly creeping in from the left to fill the void where my thoughts used to be. no, do not start spinning 360 degrees like a flat image someone is using the rotate tool on.
I admit you are hilarious. is that what you want from me? humor isn't going to help me get ready for this presentation. meditation is. please stop changing colors, variant album covers for Alice In Chains' self titled album style. you are not helping.
master trevor at the rec center never prepared me for this.
many years of struggle for self mastery later, sitting cross legged in a temple on the top of a mystical meditation mountain, I wait for the guru to unveil the hidden truth. he produced a wood carving of a rat's big balls.
*freeze screen, audience laughs and claps, different still images from my life play as the credits roll. final shot is me on my death bed, grimacing with my arms crossed*
master: what is the sound of one hand clapping?
me: *imagining a rat jumping rope and their big balls flopping up to hit their belly when they leap, then smacking the ground with a loud thud when they descend* uh, wait... what?
me: *looks around furtively, sweating* hey, I mean, what ISN'T the sound of one hand clapping, am I right?
lmao
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Jun 22, 2018 15:52
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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Jun 22, 2018 16:39
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- Olive!
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It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...
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Bring your own beer
Bring your own mead
If you come here
You can even bring
Be your own boss
Or an Idiot King
It would be awesome
If you brought your own thing!
You can bring your own books
Or your own baggage
Everyone here looks
Like that old adage,
"If you're first time new,
Or you've been here before
Wipe your feet and please leave
Your troubles at the door!"
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Jul 2, 2018 23:55
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- Slush Garbo
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FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK
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yeah i work in retail
the easiest jobs are bunnies, grab a cotton puff and some glue and bam you're back in business
but monkeys, those guys need their tails, there's no getting away with cheap replacements for them
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Jul 13, 2018 16:03
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- alnilam
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(thread about fighting toxic masculinity)
men gather at the end of the aisle and whisper in awe as i confidently take the short cut through the tampons aisle on my way to the frozen pizza
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Jul 17, 2018 18:44
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- City of Glompton
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thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig
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Jul 19, 2018 20:20
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- vanisher
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Golden
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Aug 25, 2018 18:44
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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May god have mercy on my soul.
i didn't keep up enough with this thread and just saw these but they belong here
from this thread which was good:
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3865752
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Aug 27, 2018 03:36
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- alnilam
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Threadt about great gatsby
EVERY MORNING I RISE FROM BED AT 6AM AND BEGIN DUMBBELL EXERCISE AND WALL SCALING. ITS SWIFTLY FOLLOWED BY STUDYING ELECTRICITY, ETC, AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START PRACTISING ELOCUTION, POISE AND HOW TO ATTAIN IT WITH A BOOK I BOUGHT FROM A COTILLION YARD SALE. I PLAY EVERY SPORT AND I PLAY EVERY SPORT HARD. STUDYING NEEDED INVENTIONS WHEN I CLOCK OUT OF MY GRUELLING DAY JOB OR EVEN WHEN IM AT MY DESK. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY PUT THE LIE TO THE AMERICAN DREAM BY EMBRACING ALL ITS MOST INTRINSIC PRINCIPLES WHOLEHEARTEDLY BEFORE BEING EVENTUALLY DASHED TO SMITHEREENS BY CRUEL REALITY. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN THE 1920S LONG ISLAND SWINGER SET AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN THE 1920S LONG ISLAND SWINGER SET LIVE A LIFE OF HOLLOW EXCESS WHICH I HAVE ASPIRED TO IN ERROR. AND IVE LEARNED THAT THE CHALICE MY HARD WORK HAS RAISED TO MY LIPS CONTAINS ONLY POISON AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO DIE IGNOBly
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Aug 30, 2018 19:06
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- Manifisto
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HEY JOB, COME OVER HERE
"Can we not do this again?"
IT'S TOTALLY IMPORTANT
"Why are all the angels standing around giggling, I don't like this..."
I NEED YOU TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS AS HARD AS YOU CAN
"I thought we were done with all the bar bets with Satan."
IT IS IMPERATIVE
"Is it? Look, I can see Satan over there nervously twiddling his thumbs, and Saint Peter is holding what looks to be a third-party escrow of... a bag of souls? This is kind of messed up."
YOU HAVE TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS IMMEDIATELY
DO NOT LET YOUR FAITH WAIVER
"It's not a matter of faith, oh Lord, it's that I figured one time was enough for being used as a silly gaming token to make a point about the nobility of belief."
THESE NUTS AIN'T GONNA KICK THEMSELVES
"I really-"
THOUGH I SUPPOSE IT'S NOT ENTIRELY IMPOSSIBLE AS I AM THE LORD THY GOD
"I-"
BUT SELF-KICKING NUTS IS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE
"Yeah, the thing-"
WHAT IS IMPORTANT NOW IS YOUR FOOT AND MY NUTS
"It's obvious what You're-"
GET A GOOD THREE-STEP WINDUP
*sigh* "I don't want leprosy again. Or whatever the celestial version of leprosy is here. Wing-rot?"
maybe he's not testing your faith maybe he's seeing if you can accept things beyond your understanding
"Wait why is Satan giving me advice here? Is he allowed to do that if you're betting? And why is he also wanting to have me kick You in the nuts?"
TRUST IN THE LORD AND PUT YOUR MEAT IN THE MARBLES ALREADY
yeah you should probably do it, it's not going to offend Him in the least
"Shouldn't I do the opposite of what Satan is saying?"
DO NOT BELIEVE HIS LIES
"Well, exactly, I-"
YOUR FOOT AND MY NUTS HAVE A DATE DON'T KEEP THEM WAITING
"That's... a little wei-"
this is way too easy
JOB HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED THE CRITICAL LESSON FROM THE BOOK OF BOFA
"What's Bofa?"
BOFA DEEZ NUTS THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE KICKING RIGHT NOW
"... okay, here's the thing, I knew that was coming and wasn't going to say anything, but something took hold of my voice just then and made me ask that."
yeah that was me
OH COME ON
i knew it would cheapen the victory
YOU ARE TRULY THE PRINCE OF LIES
"All right, I'm done, I'm not kicking anyone in the nuts, much less my own God. This is beyond inscrutable."
booyah! i win
ME DAMMIT
that'll be one bag of souls, please
YOU HAD ONE JOB JOB
what's the vintage on that bag?
YOU GET ALL THE SOULS OF EVERYONE BORN IN CANADA IN THE YEAR 2023
mmmhmmm that's the sweet syrupy taste of victory right there
INSCRUTABLE MY rear end
more like unscrotable
ONE SIMPLE REQUEST
i'd go all Old Testament on him
DON'T THINK I WON'T
do it for the Canucks
WHAT THE HOCKEY TEAM
no, the Canadians
THE OTHER HOCKEY TEAM
now you're just being an rear end, I know you can tell what I'm thinking when I say it
LOL
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Sep 9, 2018 02:39
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- google THIS
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Opinion:
I Am Part of the Resistance Inside the Bowser Administration
I work for the Lizard King but like-minded creatures and I have vowed to thwart parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations.
King "Bowser" Koopa is facing a test to his dictatorship unlike any faced by a modern Mushroom Kingdom leader.
It’s not just that the Mario Brothers loom large. Or that the kingdom is bitterly divided over Mr. Koopa's leadership. Or even that his cabal might well lose the Valley Fortress to an opposition hellbent on his downfall.
The dilemma — which he does not fully grasp — is that many of the minibosses in his own administration are working diligently from within to frustrate parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations.
I would know. I am one of them.
To be clear, ours is not the popular “resistance” of the Toads. We want the administration to succeed and think that many of its policies have already made the Mushroom Kingdom safer and more prosperous.
But we believe our first duty is to this Kingdom, and the king continues to act in a manner that is detrimental to the health of our monarchy.
That is why many Bowser appointees have vowed to do what we can to preserve our magical institutions while thwarting Mr. Koopa's more misguided impulses until he is out of power.
The root of the problem is the King's morality. Anyone who works with him knows he is not moored to any discernible first principles that guide his decision making.
Although he came to power as a Koopa, the king shows little affinity for ideals long espoused by turtlekind: free hammers, free giant boots, and unlimited respawns. At best, he has invoked these ideals in cutaway screens. At worst, he has attacked them outright.
In addition to his mass-marketing of the notion that Nintendo Power magazine is the “enemy of the people,” King Koopa's impulses are generally anti-fair gameplay.
Don’t get me wrong. There are bright spots that the near-ceaseless negative coverage of the administration fails to capture: effective princess imprisonment, historic P-switch reform, a more robust goomba military and more.
But these successes have come despite — not because of — the king's leadership style, which is impetuous, cartoonish, and easily defeated.
From the Crystal Palace to Dark Land Doom Ships and castles, senior minibosses will privately admit their daily disbelief at the Final Boss' methods and actions. Most are working to insulate their operations from his whims.
Meetings with him veer off topic and off the rails, he engages in manic Clown Copter joyrides, and his impulsiveness results in half-baked, ill-informed and occasionally reckless misplacement of items like axes and wind-up Koopa Troopas which can actually be thrown as weapons against him.
“There is literally no telling whether he might change his tactics from one minute to the next,” a top official complained to me recently, exasperated by a World 8-4 meeting at which the king manically bounced up and down, undecided between breathing fire and throwing hammers.
The erratic behavior would be more concerning if it weren’t for unsung heroes in and around the Final Castle. Some of his Koopalings have been cast as villains by the player's guide. But in private, they have gone to great lengths to keep bad decisions contained to the Dark World, though they are clearly not always successful.
It may be cold comfort in this chaotic era, but Mushroom Kingdom denizens should know that there are adults in the room. We fully recognize what is happening. And we are trying to do what’s right even when Bowser the Koopa won’t.
The result is two-track gameplay.
Take foreign policy: In public and in private, King Koopa shows a preference for ineffective small-time bosses, such as Wario and King Wart of Subcon, and displays little genuine appreciation for the ties that bind us to allied, like-minded games.
Astute observers have noted, though, that the rest of the kingdom is operating on another track, one where lands like Subcon are called out for being reskins of pre-existing Japanese games, and where allies in other cartridges are engaged as peers rather than ridiculed as rivals.
On Subcon, for instance, the king was reluctant to expel so many of Mr. Wart’s shyguys as punishment for acting as obstacles in the DK Summit stage of the Wii go-kart races. He complained for weeks about senior minibosses letting him get boxed into further confrontation with Subcon, and he expressed frustration that the Koopa Kingdom continued to impose sanctions on the Dream World for its malign behavior. But his Koopalings knew better — such actions had to be taken, to hold Wart’s Dream Factory accountable.
This isn’t the work of the so-called “Player 1" and "Player 2.” It’s the work of the non-playable characters.
Given the instability many witnessed, there were early whispers within World 8 of invoking the Game Genie, which would start a cheat process for easily bypassing the king. But no one wanted to precipitate a gameplay crisis. So we will do what we can to steer the kingdom in the right direction until — one way or another — it’s game over.
The bigger concern is not what Mr. Koopa has done to the throne but rather what we as a game have allowed him to do to us. We have sunk low with him and allowed our gameplay to be stripped of civility.
Donkey Kong put it best in his farewell killscreen. All sprites should heed his words and break free of the tribalism trap, with the high aim of uniting through our shared programming and love of seeing Mario spinning around randomly until he dies.
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Sep 11, 2018 12:50
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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this could legit be on the front page
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 11, 2018 15:58
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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lol
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Sep 11, 2018 20:38
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- Slush Garbo
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FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK
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this could legit be on the front page
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Sep 11, 2018 20:43
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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from the thread "ford recalls two million pickups"
lol
i need to catch up on some of these threads bc the last 2 quotes posted here i somehow missed
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Sep 11, 2018 22:51
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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my horse was never the same after that night with the stranger, always trying to slyly divert our course back towards that little prairie town, staring stoically off into the distance when we stopped to rest for the night. we grew distant from each other, me not wanting to think that one night meant anything more than a conciliatory gesture of honoring another man's culture, my horse longing for a love she once found. we parted ways in san antonio and it was years later when i was returning east that i ran across them, living on an quaint little ranch they'd built together, their hosed up looking little horse/man kids running around the fields playing.
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 13, 2018 02:46
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- Gone Fashing
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KEEP POSTIN
I'M STILL LAFFIN
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lol
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Sep 13, 2018 03:36
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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May 21, 2024 17:02
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