quote:

Throwaway account because I don’t want to get fired. Reddit, I need help and don’t know where else to turn. I feel like a sitting duck. Sorry this is so long!

I’ve been at this small nonprofit organization for under a year now (hired fresh out of college) and I am an event coordinator. My organization has a large event that lasts throughout the summer and into fall to raise money for our funding and, hence, we need a healthy supply of volunteers to operate efficiently. I get along well with all the volunteers and have never had a problem arise, until now.

When I was first hired, I was introduced to a loyal volunteer for my organization who we’ll call Ryan [30s M]. I was a little wary of him at first because of the vibe I got from him, but he was nice, so I let it go. Ryan would constantly help me out with things for our large fundraising event that I couldn’t do myself and was very helpful with educating me about the behind-the-scenes elements of this event. I was appreciative of his advice, but thought nothing more of him than simply a volunteer.

Weird Thing #1: Fast forward to around a month after this event begins, and Ryan starts showing up more and more (unannounced) at my office. He would stop by and visit my boss [50s M] briefly, who he’s apparently friends with, and would then come to my office and “visit” me. Each time Ryan “visits” my office, I tell him that I’d love to talk, but I have work to do. Instead of leaving when I say this, Ryan pulls out his laptop (or his phone, a book, etc..) and just sits there while still facing me right in front of my desk- sometimes for hours at a time. I can’t figure out how to get him to leave, or say that it makes me uncomfortable, and he just sits there. Even if I leave my office, he’ll still be sitting there when I return.

Weird Thing #2: Ryan has a bisexual girlfriend who we’ll call Mandy [20s F]. Prior to dating Ryan, Mandy strictly dated women and still prefers women from what Ryan has told me. From what I’ve heard from Ryan, he met Mandy at his university and she began studying abroad in Asia in the beginning of the year. Mandy returned from Asia mid-summer and began joining Ryan in volunteering for my organization’s event, loyally. So far, she’s been a nice girl, but she creeps me out like Ryan does. I constantly catch her checking me out, she will touch me on my hands, shoulders, and back constantly. Now, I don’t have a problem at all with her being bisexual or her checking me out, but it bothers me when I’m touched. I’ve told her this before and nicely asked her to stop, but English is not her first language and she is not the best English speaker. I’ve relayed this concern to Ryan multiple times and he’s said, “oh yeah, I talked to her about it, but I don’t think she understood. I’ll talk to her again.” I don’t buy that since she seems to understand everything else I tell her.

Weird Thing #3: The thing that really scares me about Ryan and Mandy is that they follow me everywhere I go at this event! When they aren’t actually volunteering at the event, they follow me, and Ryan encourages it. They literally shadow me everywhere holding hands together like the two twin girls in The Shining. This behavior is now starting to continue after dark when we’re breaking everything down. I'm trying to avoid being alone with them at night, but it's getting harder and harder to avoid...

Weird Thing #4: Ok, so to the actual threesome part, Reddit. They have not said this directly to me, but one of the other volunteers gave me a heads-up that Ryan and Mandy wanted a threesome with me. I brushed it off at first because the volunteer I heard it from is a very gossipy person, and has been known to cause drama. But one week later, my good friend Sarah (20 F, very credible), was entertaining for the event and told me that Ryan admitted to her while he was helping set up her equipment that he “had the hots for me” and he and Mandy “want a threesome to happen, soon.” Sarah also told me that I “needed to watch my back with Ryan and Mandy and never be alone with them.” Needless to say, I became much more concerned since hearing about that because Sarah never says things like this and neither Ryan nor Mandy had ever brought this topic up to me.

Lastly, I have talked to my superior about their behavior bothering me after this all happened, but he just brushed it off and said it was nothing to be worried about. I disagree. But, I left the meeting with him feeling embarrassed, holding back tears of frustration, and doubting my instincts. Their behavior is sounding off BLARING alarms in the back of my mind and I’m doing everything in my power to keep a distance from them, but I feel helpless. Reddit, what should I do? Am I overreacting? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Tl;dr: Volunteer couple following me everywhere at the seasonal event I coordinate. The boyfriend sits in my office and doesn’t leave for hours at a time, told a friend of mine that he “has the hots for me” and “wants a threesome to happen soon” with him, his girlfriend, and myself. The girlfriend is bisexual (prefers women) and is constantly going out of her way to see/ talk to me and loves putting her hands on me. The head of the organization I work for brushed off my concerns about their behavior and told me I’m overreacting. I disagree. What would you do if you were me?

EDIT 1: I would like to extend a HUGE thank you to everyone who's given me advice or support. You guys made me tear up from all of your support, encouragement, and wonderful advice. I don't feel so alone with this problem anymore and I thank you all for taking the time to read what I wrote and to give me the help I wanted so badly. On another note, I'm heading to bed soon and will answer any other posts, questions, and comments tomorrow!

I will also add a few facts that keep popping up in the questions:

My organization has no HR department. It's a small office.

My boss is the head of my office and there is no one above him.

My boss is also the volunteer recruiter/ manager/ boss, not me. I do logistics and I am technically not in charge of the volunteers we have. My interaction with a majority of our volunteers is minimal.

Yes, I'm in the U.S.

EDIT 2: Good morning, Reddit!! I tried responding to as many people as I could and will answer any more questions/ comments later today! Bulletin: my boss is not in today, and I don't know where he is. I haven't heard a peep. I have drafted an email to send to him regarding the meeting we had, per your advice! Thank you again, Reddit!! I will also be sure to post an update about any further developments.

Also adding another important fact: Ryan and my boss are friends. I know I said this in my original post, but I think a lot of people are missing this fact for some reason. Sorry guys! I should have bolded it. Again, I'll post any other clarifications that I can without revealing my identity. I don't want to get fired! Thanks guys

quote:

Hello once again, Reddit! Sorry for not posting an update sooner- I know lots of you messaged me to make sure I was still ok and I thank you so much for your concern and care Thank you to everyone who helped me on my prior post as well! Anyways, on to the update.

First thing I did was send a follow-up email to my boss regarding the Ryan & Mandy situation and I called the president of my organization's board (who we'll call Dan) to discuss the problem with him. Following my call, Dan had me meet with him in person as soon as I was able to so I could tell him everything that was going on. When I finished explaining the situation in detail to him, Dan looked absolutely furious and demanded to know what (if anything) my boss had done to rectify the issue of Ryan and Mandy. I explained to him that my boss had done nothing to stop their harassment and downplayed my fear of the situation, likely because of the close relationship between my boss and Ryan. In closing of our meeting, Dan told me to document any further harassment and lack of action on my boss' part and to alert him as soon as it happens.

A few days later, I had a follow-up meeting with my boss regarding Ryan and Mandy's harassment. While my boss seemed to listen to my concerns this time, he also kept the meeting brief and promised "action", although he would not specify what that action pertained to.

The next day, I was CC'd on an email that my boss sent to Ryan about a phone call he'd placed to him and highlighting a few points such as: "don't close the door to VolunteerThrow's office" and "don't say X phrases to VolunteerThrow." I honestly couldn't believe my boss didn't cut Ryan and Mandy from our volunteer team and felt frustrated all over again, and forwarded the email to Dan.

The day following the email, I came into work to find a teddy bear on my desk with no indication of where it came from (no note, card, etc..). Thinking Ryan had been in my office, I asked one of the office assistants and he said that my boss had put it there and Ryan had not been in the office that day. I asked my boss why he put the bear on my desk and he flat out denied it. Even when I told him that one of my coworkers had seen him put it there, he still denied it. I was very puzzled and sent an email to Dan about the situation.

The next day, I run into Ryan outside of my office while walking with my boss, and he made a remark about wanting to sleep with me. In front of my boss. So what does my boss do? He laughs. He loving LAUGHS and AGREES with Ryan. He loving gives Ryan a HIGH FIVE. Right in front of me! My boss apparently fantasized about getting me in bed just like Ryan did. That made me so angry that I felt my jaw lock up and my hands clench like a bear trap.

I didn't have any time to confront either Ryan or my boss about their behavior right then because we were meeting with a client, but I immediately called Dan following the client meeting and left him a voicemail on his cell phone about the incident. Dan calls me back to ask me about the full story and I tell him everything. He asks me to email him the situation in great detail and promised me he'd be in contact with me before I went back to work on Monday.

Fast forward to early Monday morning and I'm awake and getting ready for work. I get a brief call from Dan telling that I have his permission to take the afternoon off, so I happily oblige. Later that morning, I get another call from Dan stating to instead take the whole Monday off and to report to Dan's business the next morning instead of my office. I agree.

As planned, on Tuesday morning I go to Dan's office at the time I would normally start work and he takes me into a conference room with six other people in it- the board members for my organization. Dan explains that he'd called an emergency meeting after I'd repeatedly emailed him the situation with Ryan and my boss both making comments about wanting to sleep with me and they unanimously voted to terminate his contract Monday morning and evict him from the organization. Dan and the board members all apologized to me for what I endured there and informed me that Ryan and Mandy had both been informed that they are banned from volunteering with my organization in the future. They wouldn't go into many details about my boss being fired, but they did say that he "wasn't cooperative." But I couldn't care any less, because my problems are gone at my organization!

In other news, I no longer work at this organization. During the problems at work I applied, interviewed for, and accepted my dream job in another state and have since moved. So, I really couldn't be happier about my life right now. Thanks Reddit!

tl;dr: Ryan/ Mandy situation got worse at first. Turns out both Ryan and my boss fantasized about sleeping with me. Talked to president of my organization who basically said "gently caress that poo poo" and released him from his contract/ fired him with the support of the board members. Also applied for and was offered my dream job in another state, which I promptly accepted and work there now. Conclusion: Dan is an awesome person, my career is taking a giant leap forward, and life is now great!

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My sister (20F) viciously lashed out at the guy (25M) I (18M) have been casually seeing

TheKennedys posted:

Another Good Sister for the club

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

I'm [22F] working for a nonprofit and a volunteer couple [20s/F & 30sM] wants a threesome with me. They creep me out and their behavior is starting to scare me!



[Update] I'm [22F] working for a nonprofit and a volunteer couple [20s/F & 30sM] wants a threesome with me. They creep me out and their behavior is starting to scare me!

Beachcomber posted:

The little sister is, upon review, (18M).

So I think that might change things a little from what I've read, but I'm not qualified to weigh in.



Would like to know about how much of a garbage fire the parents are.

Mr. Lobe posted:

ah so this is that toxic masculinity I've been hearing tell about, isn't it

Mill Town posted:

It's not something "SJWs" just made up, it's real. See also: men who don't wipe they own asses because going too far up between the cheeks is "gay" and consequently smell like poo poo all the time https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/listen-up-men-we-need-to-talk-about-how-to-wipe-your?utm_term=.lcwnZ5VrB#.jhRKmjVBL

Mill Town posted:

It's not something "SJWs" just made up, it's real. See also: men who don't wipe they own asses because going too far up between the cheeks is "gay" and consequently smell like poo poo all the time https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/listen-up-men-we-need-to-talk-about-how-to-wipe-your?utm_term=.lcwnZ5VrB#.jhRKmjVBL

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [20M] father [53M] thinks eating strawberries is feminine?

I'm a 20 year old man. I love eating strawberries. My father asked me, "Why do you always eat strawberries? That's very girly. I see a lot of women eating strawberries." I'm not kidding when I say this. My father literally thinks eating strawberries is feminine. I don't see nothing wrong for a man to eat strawberries. They're very good and they're good for you. Is it feminine for a man to eat strawberries?

tl;dr: My father judges me for eating strawberries all the time. He thinks it's girly. I'm not kidding when I say this. Is it really girly for a guy to eat strawberries all the time or is my father just insane?

Beachcomber posted:

The little sister is, upon review, (18M).

So I think that might change things a little from what I've read, but I'm not qualified to weigh in.

loquacius posted:

That being said though it's apparently a pattern and something she does whenever she meets someone her brother wants to hook up with, not just this older guy

quote:

She's never done anything like this before, and though the 2 other boys I was interested in were intimidated and made uncomfortable by her, it's mostly just because she IS intimidating, not because she actually actively did anything to make them uncomfortable.

Anne Whateley posted:

CharlestheHammer posted:

It’s not ambiguous unless you assume the dude is straight up lying.

loquacius posted:

Not really

That being said though it's apparently a pattern and something she does whenever she meets someone her brother wants to hook up with, not just this older guy, and if she were a dude we'd be (rightfully) calling her a fascist

loquacius posted:

It's ambiguous what he means by "she's just an intimidating person"

Like, that could mean that she's just very serious as a result of having to run a household herself to make up for a pair of extremely lovely parents, or it could mean that she's trying to scare away anyone who threatens her gay brother's virginity even if this is the only time she's straight-up backed someone into a corner and somehow made him delete a number from his phone

Hot take: if it is possible to force a person to delete a number from their phone without the use of a weapon, they probably really were just there to use the bathroom

CharlestheHammer posted:

Ah you do just assume he is straight up lying.

Could have just led with that

loquacius posted:

Uh, no People make unconscious excuses for their loved ones all the time. If you did a count of r/r posts ITT featuring a sentiment along the lines of "ehh, they didn't mean anything by that, it's just how they are" I'm sure it'd be in the hundreds

loquacius posted:

Uh, no People make unconscious excuses for their loved ones all the time. If you did a count of r/r posts ITT featuring a sentiment along the lines of "ehh, they didn't mean anything by that, it's just how they are" I'm sure it'd be in the hundreds

CharlestheHammer posted:

Unconscious doesn’t make it ambiguous you are assuming he is being misleading which is lying. Whether he is doing it on purpose is neither here nor there

loquacius posted:

We apparently use different definitions for "lying" and especially "straight up lying" but that is also neither here nor there

The ambiguity stems from whether he is accurately judging her intentions; assuming the best of someone who has done a lot for you doesn't make you a straight-up liar

CharlestheHammer posted:

Yeah I tend to use the commonly used one while I’m not entirely sure what your definition is, besides dumb really ambiguous

quote:

I had we will call "Babygirl when I was just about to turn 17, I honestly was not ready to be a mother due to an abusive home life and no support system. I was so happy though! loved on my baby and did the best I could. Her father was 36 when I got pregnant at that time and was in a relationship, basically used me. The other woman was about his age and not mentally all their herself. She angry and hateful to me and used my baby as a tool against me.

[b]She and her father took me to court and got joint custody with them being primary. They had tons of domestic violence and drug issues but came off well in court, finally long story short when my daughter was about 9 the "stepmother" took her all the way to Florida for me not to have seen or talked to my daughter since.

I have tried to reach out on FB but I am blocked. I just found my daughters poshmark last week and was just observing and thinking of messaging her but I am blocked now too. She is so beautiful and stylish too!

I know the "stepmother" has poisoned my girls mind, so I am not angry with my child. I am beyond angry at this creature who stole my child though.

I was diagnosed with PTSD and have been working with a therapist for the first time seriously. I just found out now that I should of went to court to make the stepmother bring her back.

Please help me, I don't know what to do. Just having a chance at looking at her poshmark gave me so much hope, now I feel like I can't breathe.

TL;DR Daughter taken out of state as a 9-year-old, 9 years later I'm still messed up mentally pretty bad and it is affecting me

loquacius posted:

This is the one I'm using



Yours, apparently, is "to be wrong about something"

CharlestheHammer posted:

Lol thanks for proving my point I guess

Caganer posted:

My boyfriend [27 M] told me [21 F] to stop giving my number out in bars. Some guy at the bar got angry with me for not giving him my number, and I'm upset with my boyfriend for telling me what to do without understanding the situation[new] (self.relationships)

ArbitraryC posted:

not that I can't understand her predicament and frustration over the whole "why don't you stop getting sexually harassed" thing but I feel like her whole situation is kinda weird too. Only gf I ever had that consistently went out to enjoy clubs and nightlife and such without me there cheated on me. The rest of them never had this sort of problem.

Mill Town posted:

It's not something "SJWs" just made up, it's real. See also: men who don't wipe they own asses because going too far up between the cheeks is "gay" and consequently smell like poo poo all the time https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/listen-up-men-we-need-to-talk-about-how-to-wipe-your?utm_term=.lcwnZ5VrB#.jhRKmjVBL

Hellblazer187 posted:

...Why is someone in a relationship constantly at bars anyways? If you want to drink it's cheaper to drink at home with friends. I guess it depends on the type of bar? Like is she going for live music or whatever? But if so why is BF not going with her? I just don't understand this dynamic at all. Part of that may be that I only go to bars for fried food and music though.

Hellblazer187 posted:

...Why is someone in a relationship constantly at bars anyways? If you want to drink it's cheaper to drink at home with friends. I guess it depends on the type of bar? Like is she going for live music or whatever? But if so why is BF not going with her? I just don't understand this dynamic at all. Part of that may be that I only go to bars for fried food and music though.

Aramoro posted:

She said she was with her friend there who was hooking up, sounds like she was being her wingman. Doesn't sound that unusual. I still go to pubs even though the offy is cheaper because they offer different things.