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loquacius posted:I'm mad to hear that this problem is apparently so much more widespread than I'd realized (I guess due to my no-nightclubs-ever bubble???) and I still wanna know why these places' bouncers aren't doing their goddamn jobs  most dudes, including most bar management and bouncers, don't actually think rapeyness is actually a problem, and/or don't think dudes harassing women actually counts as "rapey" unless he physically pulls her pants down and announces that he's not joking and truly intends to rape her right now, and even then an awful lot would make excuses for the guy, welcome to our society
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Jun 18, 2018 18:51
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loquacius posted:I'm mad to hear that this problem is apparently so much more widespread than I'd realized (I guess due to my no-nightclubs-ever bubble???) and I still wanna know why these places' bouncers aren't doing their goddamn jobs Tbh I kind of wonder if it’s in part because “oh he’s not breaking any laws and we can’t kick out everyone who is called an rear end in a top hat so  ”. Like a lot of people won’t believe that women get harassed so much or play it down, why would a bouncer be any different?E:fb
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Jun 18, 2018 18:53
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loquacius posted:I'm mad to hear that this problem is apparently so much more widespread than I'd realized (I guess due to my no-nightclubs-ever bubble???) yeah, this isn't nightclub-only behavior either
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Jun 18, 2018 18:53
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And it doesn't just happen to adult women.
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Jun 18, 2018 18:54
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Ime bouncers don't get involved until it escalates to violence, and if it does, they're all "can't tell who started it" so everyone involved gets kicked out.
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Jun 18, 2018 18:58
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i like nice words
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LadyPictureShow posted:My brother’s a gently caress-face for sure. We all went out for his birthday when I was 22. I got a little drunk, went out back to smoke, and by the time I came back they had all left. (My brother apparently said ‘Nah, she’s fine to get home’ before they all bounced). The only point he got concerned was when another guy he ditched texted him saying ‘I’m leaving with your sister’. He let me sleep on his couch and drove me back to my car in the morning. Sounds like you've made the right choices here.
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Jun 18, 2018 19:01
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Cat Army
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Anne Whateley posted:Ime bouncers don't get involved until it escalates to violence, and if it does, they're all "can't tell who started it" so everyone involved gets kicked out. That's what the drat pool cue is for I swear you people aren't listening
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Jun 18, 2018 19:03
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tactlessbastard posted:That's what the drat pool cue is for I swear you people aren't listening LadySmith is a real product and real, final deterrent to these sorts with color coordinated rubberized combat grip so you can dress to self defence
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Jun 18, 2018 19:06
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Bouncers always kick out who I ask, dunno where you are
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Jun 18, 2018 19:36
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haha lol that almost snagged me good one 
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Jun 18, 2018 19:39
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YeahTubaMike posted:yeah, this isn't nightclub-only behavior either And guys can be bizarre enough that some real stories sound like made-up bullshit unless you were there or unless you understand how weird dudes can get. I once had a guy yell at me to smile when I was driving my car. He was sitting in a different car. The extent of our interaction was that we were both waiting for the same light to turn green. Something very specific must have broken in his brain for him to survey the stopped cars around him and get personally offended that the one woman he saw wasn't smiling when she was in a car alone.
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Jun 18, 2018 19:40
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Caganer posted:One of the big red flags they warn about in “gift of fear” is unsolicited promises. “I’m not going to rape you” being a great example of a giant 
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Jun 18, 2018 19:45
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My wife is dealing with a situation now where someone she is close to was raped while in the military, and of course the guy only got charged with trespassing and underage drinking. This woman got a rape kit immediately and testified against him. My wife was calling her military contacts for help, and of course the other military people started saying "Oh, the military takes this VERY seriously, so if that happened, something is fishy with your friend's story." Really? Last I heard over a 1/3 of the women enlisted are sexually assaulted. Seems like taking it "very seriously" means they very seriously cover poo poo up or aggressively victim blame. This person literally has to eat and work with the person who raped her, and she's got no recourse.
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Jun 18, 2018 19:47
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Female [24] has been sending me [24]M sexual snapchat.quote:Hello all, This is pretty weird situation. I don't know how to react to this. But i've known this girl since 2009. But from year 2009 and to 2013 i was Friend zoned by her. Then 2013 i met my EX girlfriend and we dated until 2017 January. (bolding and italics preserved from original)
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Jun 18, 2018 20:12
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Feeeeeemale
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Jun 18, 2018 20:16
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Men status: stoopid
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Jun 18, 2018 20:17
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The nipple of the boobs is among my favorite nipples
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Jun 18, 2018 20:18
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that one is kinda cute hopefully he can pull a sherlock holmes on this mystery
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Jun 18, 2018 20:20
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dudeness posted:Female [24] has been sending me [24]M sexual snapchat. I get this dude, I totally get it. Just, you gotta sit down and be honest with yourself, how much do you like the Counte of Monte Cristo
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Jun 18, 2018 20:23
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My (44M) sister (41F) moved in on my block. She is now being controlling over my kids (12M, 9F) and saying I am a bad parent because I am not a helicopter parent like she is. She's now practically blackmailing me by threatening to tell our parents I use drugs if I don't 'be a better parent'.quote:My sister moved into my neighborhood and we decided it would be a good idea if she moved into my uncles house who passed away. I live only 3 homes down from the house. She moved in 4 months ago. I didn't really think it would be a big deal honestly.
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Jun 18, 2018 21:28
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talk about a control freak
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Jun 18, 2018 21:49
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Haifisch posted:My (44M) sister (41F) moved in on my block. She is now being controlling over my kids (12M, 9F) and saying I am a bad parent because I am not a helicopter parent like she is. She's now practically blackmailing me by threatening to tell our parents I use drugs if I don't 'be a better parent'. So uh, OP, are you still doing drugs cause youre not denying it
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Jun 18, 2018 21:53
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post says he used in his twenties. he's in his fourties now. so is his sister. which makes me wonder why his sister thinks its such a powerful point of leverage to snitch to their geriatric parents. is it a threat to get him written out of the will or something, or does she just want to make the family even more dysfunctional?
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Jun 18, 2018 21:55
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she tipped her hand, gotta just tell the parents she's using drugs before she can
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Jun 18, 2018 21:56
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spatula posted:When I used to say "I have a boyfriend", I got a lot of responses like, "oh, I just meant (give me your number/let's hang out sometime) as friends" and I still have to say no but then it's more awkward. Not sure how to deal with that move. Yes, this! Every time. Let me preface by saying, I've never had a problem in bars. The times I've gone, it's either been with a boyfriend, with a mixed-gender group of friends, or with glbt female friends at the gay bar. So I honestly can't comment on how this situation breaks down in the bar setting. But when i was younger and walked everywhere because i didn't have a car yet, i was harassed constantly by men. To give an example of the frequency of the harassment, on the highest end, one time i walked home from my shift at Burger King at 10pm on a weeknight (a 20 minute walk), and had 5 different cars with creepy men stop and ask if i needed a "ride," and who mostly didn't want to take no for an answer. If you want to know why I couldn't just ignore them, I knew from experience. If I tried to ignore them and kept walking, they would just pull into the next parking lot to try again until I engaged. I dressed as nondescriptly as possible, and this was still a huge issue. I purposely dressed down to reduce the amount of attention I received on the street. I'm not even conventionally attractive, so I can't even imagine how huge of an issue this is for other women. There were many, many times when a guy would ask for my number, and if I refused, they'd pester me about why I wouldn't be their friend, and often times frighten me. I suffered (and still do), from moderate anxiety, so I often felt cowed into giving them my number so that they would leave me alone. Better to deal with them through (ignoring) them on the phone, than face what might befall me in person. If I did submit and give a number, they would call or text it immediately. A few times, I gave them a fake number and told them my phone was dead. One time, my phone rang right after I told them that, and I just ran. After that scare, I always gave them my real telephone # and just ignored any calls afterwards, even if they were frequent. (And they often were very frequent.) Just put my phone on vibrate for days until they gave up. So I really can't blame this girl here for being as scared as I was, because it's for good reason. But like I acknowledged, I was walking on the street, away from anyone who could possibly help, so alerting the bartender might be a better decision, and a choice I wish I had had.
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Jun 18, 2018 22:09
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For the record, at no point was I actually joking about the LadySmith product line other than if you buy it without pink grips you can save some money. Edit: Everytime an r/relationship story starts with the woman admitting the relationship started when she agreed to get into a stranger who was trying to pick her up on the streets car I just cringe
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Jun 18, 2018 22:45
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Haifisch posted:My (44M) sister (41F) moved in on my block. She is now being controlling over my kids (12M, 9F) and saying I am a bad parent because I am not a helicopter parent like she is. She's now practically blackmailing me by threatening to tell our parents I use drugs if I don't 'be a better parent'. Move.
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Jun 18, 2018 23:27
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Barudak posted:For the record, at no point was I actually joking about the LadySmith product line other than if you buy it without pink grips you can save some money. I spent an afternoon at a rape crisis center to learn what they do and how they work and it was scary how many sorirs started with "stange man talking young woman into getting in a car at a gas station.".
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Jun 18, 2018 23:30
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:she tipped her hand, gotta just tell the parents she's using drugs before she can coke dad is the new wine mom
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Jun 18, 2018 23:40
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Jeez. My old roommate was going out for her first OKC date after a really bad snowstorm hit the city. The guy offered to pick her up, so she asked me to walk her out to meet the guy because she was fretting about accepting a ride from him. He got a little weirded out when I took a photo of his license plate. I just said ‘Just playing it safe’ and told her to text me when she was on her way back. They ended up dating for about six months, and apparently I came off as ‘extreme’. She never admitted she asked me to do that ‘just in case’.
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Jun 18, 2018 23:47
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Just laffo if you as a woman dont have trusted family with access to your gps at all times so they can make sure you actually got to where the date was supposed to be. And by laffo I mean the world is a scary, dark place
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Jun 18, 2018 23:48
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Street harassment dropped to zero when I got tattooed. The one guy who tried the 'I am circling because I am planning on awkwardly conversing with you at a bus stop even though it is 10pm and you have headphones in' thing got a minute into his pitch, then said "whoa, are those tattoos real??", and then suddenly was a lot less confident about talking to me. People without tattoos keep telling me I should be worried that guys into tattoos will be creepy, but my interactions on that side of things has universally been "hey, nice tats!' and then they walk away. As a lady who's been harassed frequently by strange men since I got breasts (at 11 years old), it's so amazing to not have to deal with it anymore.
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Jun 18, 2018 23:56
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Haifisch posted:My (44M) sister (41F) moved in on my block. She is now being controlling over my kids (12M, 9F) and saying I am a bad parent because I am not a helicopter parent like she is. She's now practically blackmailing me by threatening to tell our parents I use drugs if I don't 'be a better parent'. Call the police and tell them a strange woman is stalking you and your children.
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Jun 19, 2018 00:02
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HazCat posted:Street harassment dropped to zero when I got tattooed. The one guy who tried the 'I am circling because I am planning on awkwardly conversing with you at a bus stop even though it is 10pm and you have headphones in' thing got a minute into his pitch, then said "whoa, are those tattoos real??", and then suddenly was a lot less confident about talking to me. I'm curious as to the size/placement/content of your tattoos because all the tattoos women I know complain about how its just a new fetish to comment on. "Oh, you look like one of those punk suicide girls."
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Jun 19, 2018 00:19
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Dienes posted:I'm curious as to the size/placement/content of your tattoos because all the tattoos women I know complain about how its just a new fetish to comment on. "Oh, you look like one of those punk suicide girls." Full sleeves in a black and grey geometric style. Only real 'content' are animal heads (bull and jaguar) at the shoulders, but those aren't visible most of the time.
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Jun 19, 2018 00:26
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tactlessbastard posted:Move. Why should he move, he was there first.
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Jun 19, 2018 00:39
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Dienes posted:I'm curious as to the size/placement/content of your tattoos because all the tattoos women I know complain about how its just a new fetish to comment on. "Oh, you look like one of those punk suicide girls." You look like you should be naked on the internet.
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Jun 19, 2018 00:44
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so on legaladvice, the husband of an employee who was fired for faking a "disability" when she was actually a  feedee tried to pull a milton (burn the building down).Below is the entire saga, minus the original post which apparently was wayyyy to specific and deleted due to doxing concerns. Basically, the employer had an employee who requested a bunch of accomodations (special chair, elevator, etc) for weight gain related disability. Employer assumed it was a thyroid issue or something and was super accomodating... until they discovered the woman on fetlife, and that she was a "feedee" - husband wanted to make her fat. [Ontario] Update to Feeder Employee.(r/legaladvice) quote:hey everyone, I really didn't expect to have an update so soon, but my husband found something new last night and I just spent 2 1/2 hours on a skype call with my lawyer (while he's on vacation, bless his heart) so here we are. I'd also like to thank everyone who left comments in my last thread and helped me come around to waiting for my lawyer (even if it didn't go that way in the end). The majority of you were really kind and informative. [Ontario] Final update to Feeder Employee.(r/legaladvice) quote:A lot of people asked to know how it went Monday, and I am both glad and sad to say Sarah has been let go without much ado. [Ontario] Update 2 -- Feeder employee. (self.legaladvice) quote:So for those of you saying this wasn't over, I'm really unhappy to say you were right. At this point I really just WISH this was over, I'm so overwhelmed and drained. Writing it all out has really helped me out, and I know you guys like knowing the ending to stories so I hope no one minds another update. Again, thanks for all of your support during this. I do read everything in BOLA, I just don't reply unless I see people really confused about something.
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Jun 19, 2018 00:59
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Lmao i read that OP last week and wish i’d saved it. It was extremely, hilariously hosed up.
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Jun 19, 2018 01:05
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I feel bad for Sarah.
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