/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Motherfucker posted:

I dunno, That dudes dead boring prose doesn't really give me much in terms of nuance but even with the fist sized grain of salt of him being the narrator I don't feel like he's unforgivable... I think he just did some dumb bullshit because he got spooked by stories on the internet, I mean he came clean... Than again he dosn't seem remorseful either and he's obviously easily manipulated.

quote:

I read some horror stories where guys have their wives cheat on them and end up raising other guys kids for their entire lives and find out several decades later and I started having this irrational fear that I would be that person.

1. Those stories are pretty common on MRA/redpill stuff, just saying. Where did he find his?
2. Leaving aside the betrayal and infidelity, if you raise a kid for decades, they're your loving kid. What does DNA matter? The guys who put that much stock in whose jizz created a child are generally not great dudes. The emphasis on "whose child" it is and not "I found out my wife cheated on me" is creepy.

This is why I am seeing red flags on the OP of that one.

# ? Jul 8, 2018 20:54

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# ? May 30, 2024 03:57

Submarine Sandpaper: May 27, 2007

Darkrenown posted:

Uhh, drinking craft beer is a hobby, not alcoholism!!!

I tried to find the rear end-eating-lullaby story myself, but so far it has been unsuccessful. I did, however, find this:
Me [27 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] together 3 yrs told me to stick my birthday dinner up my rear end because I told him to stop insulting my dog *
*=you'll find the title to be inaccurate

Not that it justifies how lovely the BF is, but bringing home a surprise dog is loving stupid. Also the "I'd choose him over you!" is is a pretty powerful burn.

tried to google the title and first result is https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/why-do-adults-stay-in-abusive-relationships/

# ? Jul 8, 2018 20:57

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Doc Hawkins posted:

I guess no one but me read your post. Do you have a link for caganer?

OP could have lied due to the heat of thousands of Redditors about to dox his dog touching son. A disavow from op means less than nothing.

Darkrenown posted:

I know the first story is a repost, but I am not sure if the update was ever posted. Hopefully people won't mind seeing it again if it was:

Bf [25 M] gave himself an enema in my [26 F] house's bathtub...am I overreacting?

[UPDATE] Bf [25 M] gave himself an enema in my [26 F] house's bathtub...am I overreacting?

It's true that tub-shitters and non-tubshitters are just incompatible, I think it's a love-language thing.

He�s a Zoey and she�s a Zelda

Caganer fucked around with this message at 21:01 on Jul 8, 2018

# ? Jul 8, 2018 20:58

Darkrenown: Jul 18, 2012; please give me anything to talk about besides the fact that democrats are allowing millions of americans to be evicted from their homes

Submarine Sandpaper posted:

tried to google the title and first result is https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/why-do-adults-stay-in-abusive-relationships/

Fitting, although the actual thread if you didn't find it is here:
https://reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/42zyvu/me_27_f_with_my_boyfriend_26_m_together_3_yrs/

# ? Jul 8, 2018 21:03

Admiralty Flag: Jun 7, 2007; to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

Bored posted:

Some dude punched his girlfriend's dog when it tried to jump up on him while he was wearing an expensive suit.

Thanks, I remember it now. It had been bugging me intermittently.

Sometimes you�re reminded of a great post; other times you�re reminded of a horror show, e.g., molested dog. Thank God that one was probably fake. I suppose those really terrible ones are the price for the great ones and even the baseline everyday but entertaining schad � you can�t have Pete stories as steak dinner every night.

# ? Jul 8, 2018 22:10

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Doc Hawkins posted:

I guess no one but me read your post. Do you have a link for caganer?

he just had an update that the dog passed away from old age and he is still divorced from his wife, so the awfulness may be real. I'm going to have to dig way back in this thread and see if whoever called it fake has a quote. It was someone who actually read things, not just randomly calls "fake!"

Edit: I am not having any luck searching Google for the original posting in this thread and the phone app doesn't have a "search feature". Maybe someone else can find it?

Bored fucked around with this message at 22:55 on Jul 8, 2018

# ? Jul 8, 2018 22:42

Heliotrope: Aug 17, 2007; You're fucking subhuman

ZearothK posted:

I was arguing with mom yesterday while she's on her business trip. I warned the new call of duty game and she said no. I accidentally said the words go gently caress yourself. She said "just you wait." My idiot sister Jane 14 told the twins.

The started going oohhhhh we got us another murder today boys. They started talking about how I was to young to remember, but Timmy our brother said the exact same thing to mom and she killed him. They've actually gone into the shed and are making me a tombstone made from wood. I've seen it they have my name on it and everything. They've planted it in the backyard and have put 5 chairs there for the funeral.

How do I get my brothers to stop being mean and to help me apologise to mom?

TL;DR: Accidentally told mom to go gently caress herself and my brothers are being jerks about it and not helping me.

Thank you, it was as great as I remembered it being.

# ? Jul 8, 2018 22:58

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Heliotrope posted:

Thank you, it was as great as I remembered it being.

succinctly awesome

# ? Jul 8, 2018 23:16

Skutter: Apr 8, 2007; Well you can fuck that sky high!

Jeza posted:

relationships/r/: insatiable appetite for the booty of sophisticated and elegant women

I won't rest until we have a better thread title!!

Reported.

If you report a post with a thread title suggestion and list the report as something like "thread title change request", it usually gets changed.

# ? Jul 8, 2018 23:20

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Bored posted:

he just had an update that the dog passed away from old age and he is still divorced from his wife, so the awfulness may be real. I'm going to have to dig way back in this thread and see if whoever called it fake has a quote. It was someone who actually read things, not just randomly calls "fake!"

Edit: I am not having any luck searching Google for the original posting in this thread and the phone app doesn't have a "search feature". Maybe someone else can find it?

extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence

I [24F] had an allergic reaction to something my boyfriend's mom [50sF] cooked. She won't give me the recipe to find out what it was because it's a "family secret."Non-Romantic

quote:

We've been dating for 2.5 years, normally my boyfriend's mom is a very kind, reasonable lady. Over the holiday we stopped by her house very briefly to say hello and hang out for a bit. She was having a neighborhood party later that evening so she had cooked up a bunch of stuff. She asked right before we left if we wanted to try one of the dishes she had tried. She was super excited about it, it's an old recipe from her grandma, etc. We tried it. Admittedly it was super delicious. We then got in the car and left.

On the ride home my throat/mouth started to get really itchy. It wasn't anything too severe, I didn't feel the need to go to the hospital or anything. But it was definitely some kind of mild allergic reaction.

Now, I don't have any allergies, so I had no idea what caused it. The next day my boyfriend called asking what was in the dish so that I can avoid it in the future.

She refused to tell him because it's a secret recipe. Honestly I thought she was joking. I thought super guarded, "secret recipes" were a thing from cheesy TV and housewives of the 1950s. We told her she doesn't even have to give us the amounts or anything, just what was in it so maybe I could figure out what the ingredient I've never had before was.

She said she was so sorry but she just couldn't do it. That it was "probably" not going to be an issue because I've never had an allergic reaction before, right? After a lot of back and forth when it was clear she wasn't budging we dropped it. The most helpful thing we got out of her was her asking if I've had pineapple before. Yes, I love pineapple. It's not that.

So I have nothing. I don't know what the gently caress to do about it. I mean she's probably right, if I've been blindly eating food for 24 years and never had a problem it probably won't suddenly become an issue. It must be something super obscure. But at the same time...we 100% have the ability to find out what it was. It's not like I ate some random dish at a restaurant I'll never go back to, it was my boyfriend's mother!

At this point I'm ready to drop it but I honestly have no idea what to do/say when I see her again. She's always been so nice and courteous and this is just so loving weird. What the hell do I do?

TL;DR: My boyfriend's mom fed me something I had an allergic reaction to and won't give me the recipe because it's a family secret. I don't know what the hell to do when I see her again.

Caganer fucked around with this message at 00:17 on Jul 9, 2018

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:11

Brother Entropy: Dec 27, 2009

caganer really wants a kid to have hosed a dog repeatedly

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:18

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Brother Entropy posted:

caganer really wants a kid to have hosed a dog repeatedly

nah tbh i just don't like when people doubt the stories because it's a pointless aside that derails the thread.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:20

Brother Entropy: Dec 27, 2009

i'll gladly take on the sin of [squints at notes] 'derailing the thread' if it means assuring people the story about a kid loving a dog repeatedly was a fabrication

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:22

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Brother Entropy posted:

i'll gladly take on the sin of [squints at notes] 'derailing the thread' if it means assuring people the story about a kid loving a dog repeatedly was a fabrication

do you have a source for that assertion?

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:23

Brother Entropy: Dec 27, 2009

Caganer posted:

do you have a source for that assertion?

no because this is a goofy thread on the internet about gossiping over total strangers' drama, not a term paper

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:26

Darkrenown: Jul 18, 2012; please give me anything to talk about besides the fact that democrats are allowing millions of americans to be evicted from their homes

Brother Entropy posted:

no because this is a goofy thread on the internet about gossiping over total strangers' drama, not a term paper

You are being sealioned.

Me [22 F] with my SO [22M] having problems after 4 years b/c of anal

quote:

The last year with my boyfriend has been kind of hard. This year he told me that what really turns him on is anal. We had done it once when I was black out drunk, and I hurt for a week after but apparently it was his new thing. I really wanted to be supportive so I bought butt plugs and told him I'd try it out. At first it wasn't so bad, if I said I didn't want to try them I wouldn't. As time went on he started making me feel bad about not trying them, so I started to do it more hoping that I'd find some pleasure in it. I don't. It's been almost a full year now and it hurts just as much as it did in the beginning. The worst part is that he's not even turned on if I don't let him put things in my rear end anymore, and I'm so turned off when he does. When it happens I'm in pain, we'll use lube we'll be careful, but it still hurts. Eventually I've realized that if I put it in myself it isn't as bad, but he wants to put it in, and it sucks. Sex has been ending with him upset at me for saying no and me asserting myself saying he doesn't get to be mad about such a thing. It's really ruining our relationship.

The other night I went out with our friends with it in, I could barely walk and wanted to cry the whole time. When I told him this he said it'd get better. It doesn't though. When I tell him that he says that I'm just not trying. I often bring up that if he was in pain from something I wanted him to do I'd tell him to stop, but he says that it's something that means so much to him. I'm a pushover and I give in. The worst part is how turned off I am by it I'm a nanny and change diapers for basically a living, I can't even think anything but what comes out. The other day he tried to give me a rim job and all I could think of is wiping with a wipe after changing a diaper. I really can't do it, but he sees that as me not caring.

Other than this, he's perfect. My soulmate. We're living together again next year and I don't know how to say that I can't do this anymore. It's going to ruin our relationship soon I think. I also am just so turned off that every sex has to do with my rear end that I don't even want it anymore. I sometimes dread it because I know he'll insist on putting something in there.

tl;dr: My boyfriend wont stop pushing me to put things in my rear end because it turns him on. I couldn't be more turned off by it.

"Aside from the horrific anal pain and abuse that makes my life a living hell, and that one time he raped my butt, he's perfect!" :v:

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:43

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

There is one solution. You have to poop on your boyfriend.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:46

Spatial: Nov 15, 2007

"It's fake" loses a lot of its comfort when you realise there are 7.5 billion humans so everything bad you can possibly imagine happens 10 times per minute

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:47

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Caganer posted:

extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence

I [24F] had an allergic reaction to something my boyfriend's mom [50sF] cooked. She won't give me the recipe to find out what it was because it's a "family secret."Non-Romantic

says the 'secret family recipe' is the standard recipe but with slightly tweaked spices & OP could figure it out with a quick googling. Or the normal recipe with one thing added, maybe pineapple in this case since the mom was asking about it.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:47

Spatial: Nov 15, 2007

One-up him by telling him you have a fetish for making GBS threads dick nipples and you want him to wear fake boobs filled with chocolate sauce

# ? Jul 9, 2018 00:48

Darkrenown: Jul 18, 2012; please give me anything to talk about besides the fact that democrats are allowing millions of americans to be evicted from their homes

A testicle crushing fetish is apparently a thing, she should go with that.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 01:22

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Haifisch posted:

My sister got my dog�s tail docked without permission

I hope she never speaks to her sister ever again because that is ultra hosed up yo. People who think docking tail, ears, etc of animals for cosmetic reasons are horrid excuses for garbage rear end human beings. I'm so mad reading this one. gently caress. :toughguy:

# ? Jul 9, 2018 01:22

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Spatial posted:

One-up him by telling him you have a fetish for making GBS threads dick nipples and you want him to wear fake boobs filled with chocolate sauce

What? That doesn�t even make sense. :stare:

# ? Jul 9, 2018 01:23

Darkrenown: Jul 18, 2012; please give me anything to talk about besides the fact that democrats are allowing millions of americans to be evicted from their homes

My father [55M] has had a tendency to playfully smack my butt since I was a kid. I'm a [29F] now and I've found it disturbing for awhile.

quote:

I don't get a vibe that there's anything sexual about it. My dad has just always been this kind of socially derpy, lovable, teddybear type who still treats me like I'm a 10 year old. He still buys me like 5 stuffed animals for every Christmas/Birthday and I don't really have the heart to tell him that I don't know what to do with 200 stuffed animals as a grown rear end woman except shove them in a trash bag in storage. He has a lot of little idiosyncrasies like that that annoy me sometimes, but it's adorable and it makes him happy so I placate it.

However the rear end-smacking thing has started to disturb me for years. I live across the country from my folks now, so I only see them about twice a year. I've mostly let it go due to the fact that I only have to deal with the awkwardness once or twice during one of our bi-yearly visits. I'm concerned that by bringing it up, it will take something that is totally non-sexual (in his mind) to an inherently sexual place.

I think I find it more bothersome in recent years because I've lost about 80 lbs and transformed my body pretty dramatically. I'm a pretty flat-chested person with wide hips, so I've primarily focused on weighted squats and running to make my rear end awesome. I'm quite proud of it these days, if I may be blunt. And it tends to be the, uh, physical focal point of any gentleman callers who express interest...

So, when they visited in May to come to my graduation... I was wearing a dress that hugged the hips/booty pretty snugly. That adorable, derpy, oblivious man smacked my rear end hard in a playful response to me making a smart-rear end joke directed at him. It was in public. Around my peers, professors, potential employers, etc. I was mortified.

Is there a way to address this without just bluntly being like, "Jesus dad, I'm like 30. It's weird" and making us all feel awkward about it?

tl;dr: My dad treats me like I'm still a child, such as playfully smacking my butt (like in response to me making a smart-rear end joke). I've been scared to bring it up because I don't want to take something non-sexual to an inherently sexual place. However, he did it at a public event last time I saw him. How do I address it without making it weird?

loving hell, "Jesus dad, I'm like 30. It's weird" is about the mildest possible form of protest besides just saying "Please don't smack my butt". Just say it. Say those words. If that doesn't work start carrying a knotted rope to wack him in the nuts with, like the scene from Casino Royale, each time he smacks you. One one hand, it's super weird he hasn't figured this out on his own or from how OP reacts, but if someone keeps doing something you dislike and you literally never mention that you dislike it over the course of 30 years they are probably not going to stop on their own.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 01:45

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Darkrenown posted:

My father [55M] has had a tendency to playfully smack my butt since I was a kid. I'm a [29F] now and I've found it disturbing for awhile.

loving hell, "Jesus dad, I'm like 30. It's weird" is about the mildest possible form of protest besides just saying "Please don't smack my butt". Just say it. Say those words. If that doesn't work start carrying a knotted rope to wack him in the nuts with, like the scene from Casino Royale, each time he smacks you. One one hand, it's super weird he hasn't figured this out on his own or from how OP reacts, but if someone keeps doing something you dislike and you literally never mention that you dislike it over the course of 30 years they are probably not going to stop on their own.

he knows what he's doing :mad:

# ? Jul 9, 2018 01:51

Spatial: Nov 15, 2007

drat it Dad.

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

What? That doesn�t even make sense.

Reference to a horrific old image you're better off not knowing about.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 02:04

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Spatial posted:

drat it Dad.

Reference to a horrific old image you're better off not knowing about.

there's an example in the saclopedia:

:nms:

https://i.imgur.com/Tt8uE5M.jpg :nws:

My [23F] girlfriend and I [27M] had a major falling out over a game of settlers of catanRelationships (self.relationships)

quote:

To start with, I just want to say that there has been a lot of history between us and I don't believe this game to be the sole reason for this huge fight we had.

To cut a long story short, we were playing settlers of catan (a board game where you could think of it as a more strategic version of monopoly) with a group of friends. I got a huge advantage and proceeded to crush all the players on the board, including my girlfriend. All seemed good, then later during the night when we were alone, she brought up how selfish I was being hogging all the resources and how I could have helped her. Saying something about how I behave in a game reflects on who I am in real life and that I wouldn't hesitate to leave her behind. There was also a bit of banter during the game where she thought I was being rude, which I immediately apologised for.

After trying to assure her that in game behaviour in no way reflects what I would do in real life (as it's just a game) she refused to back down and started comparing me to another couple playing with us where the boyfriend would give his girlfriend resources every now and then.

I only really had a few options after this, agree with her and agree to co operate more, disagree with her and continue to play as i would in future games or agree to disagree and refuse to participate in any future games with her.

After failing to make her understand how I like to play games, I tried to get her to agree to disagree. She was still mad, so finally I agreed to just play games with her more co operatively. She was still really mad at me. So in the end, I left her house because she didn't want me around anymore. After that, she messaged me about how I don't care because I decided to leave rather than stay and resolve it with her (I told her several times I didn't want to leave and that I wanted to make it up with her). We havent spoken since.

Is this situation salvageable? I really don't want to play games her way and I don't believe she should be mad if I decide to abstain from board games completely to avoid conflict. But if this is the straw that breaks the camels back and she breaks up with me, then I'd reluctantly play games her way

Tl;dr girlfriend was a bit of a sore loser. Not sure how to deal with it.

Caganer fucked around with this message at 02:23 on Jul 9, 2018

# ? Jul 9, 2018 02:20

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Settlers of Catan is the relationship copycat killer of Monopoly

# ? Jul 9, 2018 02:48

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

On one hand yeah that's kind of a dick move on his part

on the other hand those couples who play what is supposed to be a individual-player game effectively as a pair when everyone else is on their own are generally insufferable

# ? Jul 9, 2018 02:56

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Caganer posted:

My [23F] girlfriend and I [27M] had a major falling out over a game of settlers of catanRelationships (self.relationships)

quote:

started comparing me to another couple playing with us where the boyfriend would give his girlfriend resources every now and then.

this poo poo is actually bar none the worst (in game) garbage in tabletop gaming and I irrationally hate the gf for actively wanting it. Usually it's not even a couple, it's just some dude trying to impress his crush by literally white knighting her in game. It ruins the entire balance and strategy of most tabletop stuff.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 02:57

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Don't date anyone pathetic enough to be mad that you didn't let them win a board game Jesus Christ that would almost be acceptable if she was 12, not 23

# ? Jul 9, 2018 02:59

Submarine Sandpaper: May 27, 2007

You do not have to emulate capitalism even if the premis is capital. Musk would be the op boyfriend.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 03:00

Submarine Sandpaper: May 27, 2007

Given that the non op boyfriend should have been helping all

# ? Jul 9, 2018 03:02

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Sagebrush posted:

On one hand yeah that's kind of a dick move on his part

on the other hand those couples who play what is supposed to be a individual-player game effectively as a pair when everyone else is on their own are generally insufferable

Fuckin five eyes

# ? Jul 9, 2018 03:03

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

I begin to wail as my boyfriend's piece lands on my piece and sends it back to the beginning of the Pop-O-Matic Trouble board.

This. Is. Violence.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 03:04

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Danaru posted:

Don't date anyone pathetic enough to be mad that you didn't let them win a board game Jesus Christ that would almost be acceptable if she was 12, not 23

# ? Jul 9, 2018 03:04

Submarine Sandpaper: May 27, 2007

The trashtalk that was glossed over is what killed his relationship and the autist doesn't see it.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 03:05

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Submarine Sandpaper posted:

The trashtalk that was glossed over is what killed his relationship and the autist doesn't see it.

I woulda agreed with that if the OP didn't confirm his gf literally wanted him to give her free poo poo in game. That sort of dynamic pretty much destroys ffa games like catan.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 03:13

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Submarine Sandpaper posted:

The trashtalk that was glossed over is what killed his relationship and the autist doesn't see it.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 03:16

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# ? May 30, 2024 03:57

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Submarine Sandpaper posted:

You do not have to emulate capitalism even if the premis is capital. Musk would be the op boyfriend.

Settlers of Catan is actually about competing communist societies. All resources go directly to the state (the player), who allocates them toward whatever project will do the most good. The only official bad guy in the game is the Robber Baron, e.g. a capitalist for hire who selfishly collects resources for himself instead of providing them to the people/the state, where they will do the most good.

# ? Jul 9, 2018 03:28

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