/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Taima posted:

You're loving weird dude. I get that you're trying to make a joke or something (I guess? Maybe?) but you actually don't come off as having a cogent viewpoint here so it pretty much turns your post into a jumble of meaningless words.

I dunno, man. If someone gave me a chihuahua I'd assume they were trying to drive me mad.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 20:43

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# ? May 13, 2024 22:54

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Taima posted:

You're loving weird dude. I get that you're trying to make a joke or something (I guess? Maybe?) but you actually don't come off as having a cogent viewpoint here so it pretty much turns your post into a jumble of meaningless words.

I've been pretty consistent in saying that gifts are acts of aggression and that being aggressive back is an appropriate response.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 20:45

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

TheScott2K posted:

Also, add this poo poo to poly.txt

https://twitter.com/polynerdeia/status/1028297343504998400?s=19

Oh wow, that woman looks just like my ex-fianc�e. I broke it off because she would not stop flirting with everything of both genders that had a pulse.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 20:47

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Baronjutter posted:

Anyone who gifts living things should be arrested and dissected to find out what is wrong with their brains

Peace Lilies and hardy succulents are OK, if you like a little green around.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 20:52

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

Baronjutter posted:

Anyone who gifts living things should be arrested and dissected to find out what is wrong with their brains

My nieces want a kitty superbad, and my brother in law won't allow pets in his house. Their birthdays are comin up and I'm tempted to get them a kitty instead of stupid shopkins.

Or maybe order a squirl from China.

Xenocides posted:

Oh wow, that woman looks just like my ex-fianc�e. I broke it off because she would not stop flirting with everything of both genders that had a pulse.

why not call poly folk what they are: insecure, borderline, and emotionally unstable

# ? Aug 16, 2018 20:58

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

We have some winners here:

quote:

My GF[22F] of 3 years, broke up with me[23M] on Monday. I based my entire future around her, I felt so safe. Now, I have nothing.

I met her at a party in our bachelors. I am 6'4" tall, she was immediately taken. We flirted for a while, things moved on, but I was very cautious, since my last girlfriend left me for another guy, I promised myself I'd never get into a relationship with someone if they don't like me back.

This girl ( I'm having so much trouble writing this in third person) was perfect. She checked all the boxes. She gave me complete control of the relationship, I was so happy. I could whatever I wanted in bed, I could ask her to help me with my homework, gently caress, she numbered and indexed my thesis for me. And all I had to was ask once.

I grew comfortable with her. Very comfortable. I've never been happier. She was so good. I'm usually sad, but around her I could say anything, fart, burp, kiss her whenever I wanted. Ask her to stay home with me. She went on the pill and we'd do it bareback, she was never disgusted with me. I asked her to get into a relationship with me, she was so excited. This was finally something I did right with my life.

We dated throughout college, there were fights, she flirted with some guy on her phone when I wasn't paying enough attention to her (I was in europe). And she'd not do something whe I asked, but she was invested. We named the first baby girl we'd have in the future, her name would be Natalie. We planned that I'd get a job in the US while she completes her Masters, then we spend some time saving up, then start a family. I grew intimately close, she became family. She knew my deepest thoughts, she'd be my first counsel on anything. I had some dinners and lunches with her family, helped her sister get her life in order etc.

Well, then college ended. I'm not rich, I couldn't afford a nice college in the US, but she's American. At this point she moved in with her parents. Now I hadn't been selected for any colleges yet, so I grew depressed every second. It was hell. Finally I got through. I went to a European country as the education is free. We'd skype every night, watch movies together, play games, talk.

After I moved here, I realised there's a huge language problem. I've gained weight, and I'm always conscious of other people around me. I spiralled down further, and discovered reddit. that was 5-6 months ago when I actively started posting. I don't have any friends here (east germany, I feel like they don't want to speak to me) I tried going out to some parties, it just didn't feel the same. I really liked the comfort of knowing that my girl would tell me she loves me every night. I started neglecting her (past 2 months). She'd ask me for affection and to call her pretty, and I did, but I wasn't concentrating. She'd text me through the day, and I wouldn't reply. I love this woman. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her.

She called me on saturday, I asked her who she's texting. She said she was playing a game on phone. I leave to get groceries. We try to watch an episode of breaking bad. End up fighting because she's not interested because the story doesnt interest her and there are no cute guys in there (something she'd never say, I'm the only guy in her life).

Monday night she calls me to tell her she wants to break up. I'm dumbfounded. She's serious. I lose it. I start begging her. She says she's lost interest in me. I cant process it. I beg her to change her mind, and talk tomorrow.

I text her throughout the day on tuesday. Call her up later that night after a fuckload of begging. She says she's sexted someone else. I dont believe her, I tell her this is something she made up to help me move on. She texted me the entire conversation. Its her lab assistant that she sees every week. He has a girlfriend. She did it saturday morning when we were skyping, she took pictures of her vagina below the desk, and when I left, had a full session, the same exact way she's do with me, full bondage style. She literally told him things like anal, cumming on her tits, how big his dick was, everything, whored herself out to him. She even put on clothes and handcuff i got her. While I was away getting groceries. I saw it. I'm numb right then. I ask her if she's sorry. She says she should have broken up with me first. But shes happy this happened because this helped her make up her mind.

I asked her if she was turned on, if she enjoyed it. She said to my face that she was wetter that she could imagine, because it was taboo, and because the guy is happier, nicer. I know she thinks he's cute, she's sexually attracted to him. She says it was a one time deal. I say I love her and study for the exam.

Today, I aced the exam, I called her and told her it doesn't matter. I forgive her, and we shouldn't throw away what we have. Tell her this is the worst time to do this as I have NO support system. She says she went back to the lab on monday wanted to have sex with him, he turned her down, because he was in another relationship. I'm dead. I can't keep it in. I tell her I'm ready to try anything. She says nothing will get this back, she didnt want me as her safety net, and tells me I'm too dependent on her.

I tell her, we've got to do something, she says radio silence for three months, no texting. I ask her if this would be sexually exclusive, She outright says no. She say's she wants to experience things. I dont give in, she's like fine whatever. (How would I know anyway, and she'd just tell me to gently caress off at the end of the three months). I ask her if I can sext her, she says no. I move on, I promise her I'll be a changed man, because she's worth it. We end the call with love yous and goodbyes.

Now I am writing this to you.

You guys. You can't imagine how lonely I am. I have no friends, no one likes me and I'm all alone. Some one please, someone talk to me. She was the mother of my future children, she was the reason I read so much about the US. I want to be a part of her culture. Now I have nothing.

Ive got this knot in my stomach. I haven't eaten for days now.

tl;dr: Long term GF, the perfect one, cheated. I'm all alone.

I self-absorbed emotional parasite that relied entirely on my girlfriend for validation and she was forced to be my only social and emotional crutch for years. She do everything I want when ask but I no do same for her. Why she leave???

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:00

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

TheScott2K posted:

Also, add this poo poo to poly.txt

https://twitter.com/polynerdeia/status/1028297343504998400?s=19

probably just "tramps" you dumb bitch

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:01

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

"the n-word for us" oh get loving over yourself

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:02

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

My Imaginary GF posted:

why not call poly folk what they are: insecure, borderline, and emotionally unstable

When I broke it off she literally went nuts, stopped eating, started burning her possessions, started insisting I was some kind of God/devil hybrid, and was institutionalized.

In other words, yes, she was all of those.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:03

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Pick posted:

"the n-word for us" oh get loving over yourself

Nonmon

E: I think nonmog sounds more insulting

Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 21:07 on Aug 16, 2018

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:04

LeafHouse: Apr 22, 2008; That's what you get for not hailing to the chimp!

Taima posted:

You're loving weird dude. I get that you're trying to make a joke or something (I guess? Maybe?) but you actually don't come off as having a cogent viewpoint here so it pretty much turns your post into a jumble of meaningless words.

This seems needlessly rude. His point was very obvious. Sorry about your comprehension skills.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:05

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

"the n-word for us" oh get loving over yourself

Polysluts? The Desperately Undiscriminating? Perpetuteens? Affirmation Whores?

There are a lot of fun possibilities.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:07

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Pvt.Scott posted:

Nonmon

E: I think nonmog sounds more insulting

that sounds like the Ferengi word for gentile

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:09

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

If you neglect your digimon too much they evolve into Nonmon.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:10

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

/r/relationships: I am 6'4" tall, she was immediately taken.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:11

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

not bolded but still worth it

quote:

She'd text me through the day, and I wouldn't reply. I love this woman. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:14

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Anne Whateley posted:

not bolded but still worth it

I know, I saw that and I just laughed and laughed

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:15

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Rubellavator posted:

/r/relationships: I am 6'4" tall, she was immediately taken.

I'm triggered by this tall privilege.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:16

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

seriously that last story is 100% a good one. haha. dammmn

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:20

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Pick posted:

seriously that last story is 100% a good one. haha. dammmn

That story seriously might be one of my favorites I've ever read. You can hear the desperation. I can just smell the sweat and hear the sobs.

"I text her throughout the day on tuesday." aka I obnoxiously begged her endlessly via texts because I know that when a girl loses interest, the best way to get them back is by being extra desperate.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:30

Barudak: May 7, 2007

It is like a punching bag came to life and then started hurling invectives at you.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:32

PizzaProwler: Nov 4, 2009; Or you can see me at The Riviera. Tuesday nights.
Pillowfights with Dominican mothers.

Overall, I love how Mr. 6'4" probably thinks he's coming off as sympathetic in the story. Nothing could be further from the truth. What an oblivious poo poo-head.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:33

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I know, he comes across as "that guy every nice woman had to date once before she wised the gently caress up." btw you never, ever hear about this guy unless you were there. she will never talk or think of him again.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:34

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

I still think you can maintain a relationship with almost any woman by making her dinner 2-3 times a week and always making her coffee in the morning

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:35

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

I also like the lil bit about "Well, we can't break up now, it's just not a good time for me." What a gallant fellow.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:35

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Xenocides posted:

We have some winners here:

I self-absorbed emotional parasite that relied entirely on my girlfriend for validation and she was forced to be my only social and emotional crutch for years. She do everything I want when ask but I no do same for her. Why she leave???

quote:

She says she should have broken up with me first. But shes happy this happened because this helped her make up her mind.

God drat, ex gf owns. Also, she did tell you, but you wouldn't accept it and pestered her into a phone call, idiot:

quote:

Monday night she calls me to tell her she wants to break up.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:37

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

I still think you can maintain a relationship with almost any woman by making her dinner 2-3 times a week and always making her coffee in the morning

Hell yeah.

So many of these guys think "Women like it when men are dominant, demand control of everything, and do whatever they want." when the best way to the heart of the woman you're living with is to just spend an afternoon while she's at work cleaning up the house/apartment, do all the laundry and dishes, and do everything you can to make her life easier. And don't make it a one time thing. Do it regularly.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:39

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

I dated a woman who was really into gender roles and wanted me to make every decision. That poo poo isn't fun for the guy either.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:40

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Leon Einstein posted:

I dated a woman who was really into gender roles and wanted me to make every decision. That poo poo isn't fun for the guy either.

Dump her by ordering her to invade Russia in winter

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:41

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Leon Einstein posted:

I dated a woman who was really into gender roles and wanted me to make every decision. That poo poo isn't fun for the guy either.

Congratulations on your height.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:42

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Leon Einstein posted:

I dated a woman who was really into gender roles and wanted me to make every decision. That poo poo isn't fun for the guy either.

you dated a woman who was really not into taking responsibility for herself and found a really cool excuse not to

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:42

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

Pick posted:

probably just "tramps" you dumb bitch

Never change for real

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:42

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

Xenocides posted:

Polysluts? The Desperately Undiscriminating? Perpetuteens? Affirmation Whores?

There are a lot of fun possibilities.

How about �the pungent�

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:44

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Pick posted:

you dated a woman who was really not into taking responsibility for herself and found a really cool excuse not to

Yeah, I understood what was going on. It's easy to not make mistakes if you're not making any decisions.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:50

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

you dated a woman who was really not into taking responsibility for herself and found a really cool excuse not to

I dated a girl who would ask for that every so often when she felt drained and just wanted a break from having to decide anything (usually after tough day at work) and she had a code to let me take over and it could be fun but it never lasted for longer then a few hours and it would have been hell to try it full time. It is a form of checking out and I (and every other at least semi-sane person) prefer to have their partner fully involved.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:51

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Should I ask my girlfriend what something means Or should I ask the Internet? Better go with the Internet I suppose.

quote:

Me [35m] with 7mo girlfriend, 'Katie' [32f] calls me 'Puppy'? Is this a red flag?

My pet name is Puppy? What does that mean?

Me [35M] with girlfriend 'Katie' [32F] in LDR of 7mo

I've been dating a girl for about 7m. Lately, she's started calling me 'Puppy' or 'Pups' as a nickname.

I call her 'babydoll' or Katie-Chan. I'm a little worried because 'puppy' is kinda close to 'bitch.'

Is this a flag? Everything is ok in our ldr, but I do think she spends a little too much time at the bar with her friends and coworkers. I'm not sure it it matters, but she's into bondage- which I do for her. (And some filthy talk.)

tl;dr I (36m) with ldr girlfriend (32f) of 7mo calls me 'Pups' or 'Puppy.' Is this a red flag? Everything else seems fine, other than she goes out a lot. And we're into bondage.

This is kind of cute. :3:

........until you look at the ages.

Oh, and why not just ask her and if you dislike the name ask for a different one?

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:55

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Xenocides posted:

Katie-Chan

Sever

# ? Aug 16, 2018 21:59

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Youll be fine as long as you question the orders she gives you and dont have a brother being held in a cryogenic freezer vault as leverage over you.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 22:04

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Xenocides posted:

Should I ask my girlfriend what something means Or should I ask the Internet? Better go with the Internet I suppose.

This is kind of cute. ........until you look at the ages.

Oh, and why not just ask her and if you dislike the name ask for a different one?

Calling her Katie-chan instead of Katie-tan like a pro-tier weaboo baby. smdh

# ? Aug 16, 2018 22:09

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# ? May 13, 2024 22:54

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Xenocides posted:

This is kind of cute. ........until you look at the ages.

We're 35 and I call my wife a rotating series of random nouns and adjectives.

Xenocides posted:

It would have been hell to try it full time. It is a form of checking out and I (and every other at least semi-sane person) prefer to have their partner fully involved.

My wife is also kind of checked out most of the time as a result of her STEM career and neurological autoimmune disorder and we've settled into a system where I whittle down the decisions to 2-3 options which she can pick from or opt out from there. Sometimes she does choose None of the Above, which can be nice.

# ? Aug 16, 2018 22:16

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