/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Admiral Ray posted:

This is very gross and you should just break up with him over his normal shower habits anyway, let alone this new development. "only washes the important parts" lmao.

He�s probably one of those guys that can�t even wipe/wash his �important parts� correctly.

I�m sure we�ve had a few where part of the stank problem was they thought wiping their rear end made them �gay� or something.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:06

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# ? May 14, 2024 11:53

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

pretty sure someone's already invented Life is Beautiful fanfiction

Tempted to Google but this is probably one of those �the Abyss stares back at you� situations.

Xenocides fucked around with this message at 17:45 on Aug 17, 2018

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:09

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

It came from Ask a Manager:

My team sent me a bag of garbage while I was recovering from surgery

quote:

I�m currently covering a maternity leave and had to go in for a not insignificant surgery. It was complicated by the fact I seem to be working in the real-life version of Mean Girls, most frequently with a Regina George stand-in.

I ended up having my surgery, and negotiating remote work for my recovery. I�m feeling a lot less stressed, even though I logged back in the day after my procedure and got right back to it.

Today, two coworkers I�ve gotten close to came by for a visit and the weirdest work-gift situation ever came up. They both gave me a lovely gift, and treated me to dinner. And then sheepishly looked at each other, sighed, and said the office had a gift as well. I could tell they felt weird about it. It was a reusable shopping bag filled with garbage. A used pair of unwanted, scuffed shoes, several junk mail brochures, expired tea from the office kitchen, some dusty old plaques from the 90s, and a Sublime cd (one of the songs is called �Date Rape�). I was taken aback. I asked what this was supposed to be? They told me the people at the office said they should try to keep a straight face like this was a legitimate gift, that it was supposed to give me a laugh.

It did not. I said I really appreciated the thoughtful gift/dinner/visit the two of them had given me, but that this �joke� gift wasn�t really appropriate and didn�t fit the relationship we all have as coworkers. Rather than gentle ribbing, it felt like being in grade 9 gym class all over again. They apologized profusely and I asked them to take the bag back with them on the way out (with the injury recovery, I can�t actually leave my apartment for the next while), because I couldn�t get it down to the garbage myself.

Don�t get me wrong, I like joke gifts! I�ve given them and received them in the past. But when I�ve been on a team that did this: (a) it wouldn�t be actual garbage, and (b) it would be followed by something thoughtful (restaurant delivery/grocery/taxi gift cards/etc.). They just gave me actual garbage.

And I�m going to be asked how I liked my �gift� on Monday, and I have no idea what to say. Typically I would do a warm thank-you and find something to like about a gift (even if it wasn�t my thing), but what do you even say about this? That I was confused? That I�m not sure what to say? I don�t really want to laugh along with it. I thought it was awful.

Any advice would be much appreciated! I�ve not really encountered a situation like this before, and most of my friends are just as stumped.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:34

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Xenocides posted:

Tempted to Google but this probably one of those �the Abyss stares back at you� situations.

drat you because that's a great joke for a rare opportunity !!

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:36

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Haifisch posted:

It came from Ask a Manager:

My team sent me a bag of garbage while I was recovering from surgery

�Some rear end in a top hat stole the nice gift you got for me and left a bag of garbage. Some loving people, right?�

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:37

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Haifisch posted:

It came from Ask a Manager:

My team sent me a bag of garbage while I was recovering from surgery

You laugh with them because otherwise you've admitted your weakness and it will be exploited forever.

Also bring in something really nice for everyone and talk about how you think they're great and appreciate their support. Act like you mean it.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:37

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

"the gift you guys got me really represents yourself as a team, spot on."

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:43

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Say "it made me feel bad" and maintain eye contact

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:45

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Ask them if everything is all right at home, do they need help, tell them you know a counsellor.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:46

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

Pick posted:

You laugh with them because otherwise you've admitted your weakness and it will be exploited forever.

Also bring in something really nice for everyone and talk about how you think they're great and appreciate their support. Act like you mean it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3qHepWxn-k&t=111s

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:48

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

CheesyDog posted:

Say "it made me feel bad" and maintain eye contact

"yes danny, i am the garbage" and then you push out some tears and stare like its the handmaids tale.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:48

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Write up a long and heartfelt email about the garbage. Come up with weird but semi-plausible ways the garbage has great meaning. The expired tea represents the length of your friendship, the shoes represent how you have all helped each other by cushioning the regular blows of normal everyday life to help all.

Then you can give them random garbage as gifts whenever you want and if they call you on it look hurt and ask what part they did not understand.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:51

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

The gift of laughter is bullshit. Explain that to your coworkers. I need dumb knickknacks that make my time in the hospital moderately better.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:55

Depressio111117: Oct 18, 2014; A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

Those coworkers sound lovely but this comment is hilarious.

quote:

Yup. My DH�s extended family does a �dirty Christmas� (aka �steal your gift�) exchange every year with a set of gifts for all the guys and one for the gals. It was a real adjustment for me the first couple years I participated, because inevitably some gifts would be really nice and some would be just meh (there�s a nominal dollar amount to be spent, but in practice everyone does whatever they want), and it was hard not to get hurt feelings around stuff that got stolen from you or how your own gift was received by the group. I�d never done that sort of thing, with a school or work group or with my family of origin, so it was unexpectedly emotionally stressful.

Emotionally stressed out by Yankee Swap. Holy moly.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:56

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

My [24M] Girlfriend [23F] has the weirdest hobbies in existence, and they make me kinda uncomfortable.

this dude is the biggest weenie alive, also I wanna date that girl she sounds really awesome

A hundred pages back but yeah this chick sounds fuckin amazing

# ? Aug 17, 2018 17:58

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Depressio111117 posted:

Those coworkers sound lovely but this comment is hilarious.

Emotionally stressed out by Yankee Swap. Holy moly.

I thought she was slightly overreacting to the first gift but this just seals the deal. She's got the maturity of a 4 year old if she gets bent out of shape over dirty Santa.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 18:25

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Xenocides posted:

Tempted to Google but this is probably one of those ‘the Abyss stares back at you’ situations.

Hot.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 18:38

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Who doesn�t know Sublime�s Date Rape?

E: it�s a classic tale of betrayal, woe, justice and prison rape all in one song!

Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 18:44 on Aug 17, 2018

# ? Aug 17, 2018 18:39

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Pvt.Scott posted:

Who doesn�t know Sublime�s Date Rape?

I feel for this lady but yeah this was an eye-roller

40 Oz To Freedom is a great album, lady, that part of the gift was not "garbage" :colbert:

# ? Aug 17, 2018 18:45

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Let's be real. Anyone posting on Reddit for advice isn't going to be the sharpest pencil in the box.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 18:50

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Shower guy reminds me of that old post about the guy whose sister was trying to set him up on a date, but he couldn't accept it because doing so would reveal his shameful secret: he hates brushing his teeth and has bad breath. As a result he scratched the buildup off his teeth every night with his fingers; modified his entire diet to discourage mouth germs; never stood closer than 2 feet to anyone so they couldn't smell his breath; and committed himself to dying alone. And then he ended it with, "But I don't let my aversion to brushing my teeth dictate my life."

How do you even get in a shower and not get your chest clean? How do you only get your armpits and rear end wet?

# ? Aug 17, 2018 18:54

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

You need to use soap. He probably does get wet, but that doesn't mean clean.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 19:10

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

tactlessbastard posted:

I thought she was slightly overreacting to the first gift but this just seals the deal. She's got the maturity of a 4 year old if she gets bent out of shape over dirty Santa.

the dirty santa person is someone else just commenting i think

i can understand not wanting a scrounged together bag o' crap that seemed like people just wanted it out of their cube space. i'd rather get nothing than that. giving literal office trash means people put special effort into being dicks. not cool.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 19:15

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Leon Einstein posted:

You need to use soap. He probably does get wet, but that doesn't mean clean.

Getting wet usually involves getting dirty.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 19:17

Depressio111117: Oct 18, 2014; A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

StrangersInTheNight posted:

the dirty santa person is someone else just commenting i think

i can understand not wanting a scrounged together bag o' crap that seemed like people just wanted it out of their cube space. i'd rather get nothing than that. giving literal office trash means people put special effort into being dicks. not cool.

Yeah I don't think Yankee Swap person was the OP. I could see the original post going either way honestly, depending on whether the coworkers are in fact lovely or if it was just a bad joke that landed poorly.

Having to take multiple years to adjust to Yankee Swap is just funny as hell, regardless of context.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 19:19

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

Hahahah remember that episode of the office where Michael has them do Yankee Swap because he hates the lovely oven mitt he got and wants to get rid of it and everyone gets their feelings hurt and he has to make it up to them by buying like 10 handles of vodka

# ? Aug 17, 2018 19:41

TheKennedys: Sep 23, 2006; By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet

I mean, personally I'm not a fan of Yankee swaps but I've historically worked with a bunch of dicks that will instantly steal everything good. at least at that job most people just brought booze anyway

# ? Aug 17, 2018 19:44

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

TheKennedys posted:

I mean, personally I'm not a fan of Yankee swaps but I've historically worked with a bunch of dicks that will instantly steal everything good. at least at that job most people just brought booze anyway

Lol my girlfriend and I were the last people to join a Yankee swap for a work event and we both won making everyone instantly hate us.

Also she was the first person to steal a gift and set off a chain reaction of backstabbing and betrayal with all the gifts after hers

# ? Aug 17, 2018 19:53

Stevie Lee: Oct 8, 2007

Yankee swaps are the only good thing about christmas besides the Reeses Christmas Trees

# ? Aug 17, 2018 20:00

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

So... she�s upset that she got a cool Sublime album?

# ? Aug 17, 2018 20:06

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Haifisch posted:

It came from Ask a Manager:

My team sent me a bag of garbage while I was recovering from surgery

Take a poo poo on each of their desks and then act like they're the weird ones for not getting the 'joke'

TheKennedys posted:

I mean, personally I'm not a fan of Yankee swaps but I've historically worked with a bunch of dicks that will instantly steal everything good. at least at that job most people just brought booze anyway

I thought the way these things worked was that the gifts were wrapped at leas semi-concealingly so it's a bit of a guessing game which ones are good, cause that's the version I've seen and that's way less idiotic

I'd give away poo poo like a huge box containing a tiny novelty anvil

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 20:12 on Aug 17, 2018

# ? Aug 17, 2018 20:08

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

e: nvm

# ? Aug 17, 2018 20:09

big dyke energy: Jul 29, 2006; Football? Yaaaay

Yankee swap destroyed any relationship between me and my uncle, because I stole a water bottle and Starbucks gift card from him one Christmas.

It was a ten dollar gift and you're seventy, get over yourself you old oval office.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 20:31

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

TheKennedys posted:

I mean, personally I'm not a fan of Yankee swaps but I've historically worked with a bunch of dicks that will instantly steal everything good. at least at that job most people just brought booze anyway

I always bring something my mom gave me that is nice but in no way fitting my aesthetic and then everyone flips out that there's something "good" in the mix and I'm like haha you dumb suckers.

One time it was a new Kate Spade because moooom you know I don't loving wear Kate Spaaaade :gonk:

# ? Aug 17, 2018 20:32

Depressio111117: Oct 18, 2014; A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

When she committed suicide I felt really bad that I was always calling her stuff gently caress-ugly.

# ? Aug 17, 2018 20:49

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick has been stirring up trouble again.

quote:

Me [23F] with my cousin [20F] is making my life miserable over taxidermy, how do I fix this?

Throwaway account because some family members know my reddit account.

I love taxidermy, always have, always will. I know this is something a lot of people don't understand, but I would equate it with those who collect figurines, or vases, or whatever... there is no real rhyme or reason for it, it's just something that gives you joy.

Anyways, I am a huge animal lover, share my home with many pets, and volunteer at local animal shelters. With money being an issue at first, I only collected animal bones and skulls. Due to my love of animals, I am very careful about where I purchase my collection, and make sure that the animal is either roadkill or a natural death.

With my recent raise, I purchased my first piece of real taxidermy. Not bones, not skulls, but an actual stuffed animal. He's a coyote. This coyote came from a facility that rescues these animals, he died of old age, but his fur was still beautiful. The facility sold his body to a taxidermist, and he was stuffed as a plush mount (the head is a traditional hard form, but the body is filled with the same material as pillows, which make the taxidermy like a plush toy). I purchased him, and he lives on my bed.

I live with my parents, and although they were apprehensive at first, they absolutely love him. They find him super cute, and very cool.

During Thanksgiving dinner with my family, my coyote came up in conversation. My mom brought him up, because she thought he was an interesting thing to mention. My relatives all found him fascinating, except for my cousin.

My vegan, PETA-loving cousin.

She threw an absolute fit, screaming that I am an animal abuser and feeding money into an industry that tortures. I tried to inform her the truth about taxidermy, that many animals are actually not killed for the purpose of taxidermy, and that I carefully vetted where my coyote came from. She was having none of it, and stormed off in a rage.

I don't really have a relationship with my cousin, I only see her a handful of times a year, but I do have her on my social medias. Which I know is dumb, but I didn't have the chance to remove her before things escalated. Not only did she go around posting statuses about me, she began contacting my friends in angry private messages.

I told her mom, and I told my parents, and they are all telling me that I'm over reacting, no one will take her seriously, and she should have the right and freedom to voice her opinion, even if I dislike it. They don't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation.

Yesterday, my boss came in and told me some woman has been calling the office and saying that I kill animals and keep them as trophies, and that she will tell everyone that they hired an animal abuser. My boss didn't take the threat seriously and chuckled it off, but I'm getting seriously concerned.

If she's calling my place of work, that's taking it too far. My folks don't believe that she's the one doing it, they think I may have slipped to someone at the office that I have taxidermy and they're the ones doing this. I haven't told anyone, I think it is my cousin.

What do I do, and how do I stop this?

tl;dr: My new piece of taxidermy was brought up during Thanksgiving dinner, and although my relatives thought this was cool, my PETA-worshiping cousin flipped out and I think she is now calling my place of work and telling them I kill animals.