/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (21F) ex (21M) made me feel like my body count lessened my value and worth and I don’t know how to deal with these feelings of worthlessness and fear of never finding someone who’d want to be with me because of it

Mods namechange to unculttered pussy plz

That's not what body count means and the title made that seem way more interesting than it was (garden variety penis insecurity)

Xenocides posted:

Most people would call that a friendship. Have you considered marrying her in hopes it will jump start her libido?

Lol

# ? Aug 20, 2018 15:13

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# ? May 14, 2024 09:32

Barudak: May 7, 2007

WrenP-Complete posted:

I do some work with the Lakota community and I have absolutely no idea which people are considered insiders or outsiders. They've politely explained it to me several times now, and it's just totally impenetrable to me - I'm a light skinned Argentine Israeli American, so pretty used to hopping in between cultures. It seems like some people can be official members of the tribe but still be considered outsiders, and then there are some actual outsiders (a white woman who married a Lakota man and moved to the rez and stayed when her husband passed away) who are considered insiders for some purposes. But I probably didn't totally grasp it.

Its very simple; what benefits and pleases those in charge.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 15:16

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

tactlessbastard posted:

That's not what body count means and the title made that seem way more interesting than it was (garden variety penis insecurity)

Get a look at this guy who can't slay with his junk. :smuggo:

# ? Aug 20, 2018 15:17

Philonius: Jun 12, 2005

quote:

He eventually ended it a few days ago because he said he needs to sleep with other people and that he �never hosed with the body count� and that he can �get tens� and likes �banging pure clean uncluttered pussy� (please don�t judge me for dating him).

Look, he busts his rear end all day working, ok? Is it too much to ask that she tidy up a bit so he can come home to a nice clean uncluttered pussy?

# ? Aug 20, 2018 15:22

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Philonius posted:

Look, he busts his rear end all day working, ok? Is it too much to ask that she tidy up a bit so he can come home to a nice clean uncluttered pussy?

Feng shuai that va-jay-jay

# ? Aug 20, 2018 15:24

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Two words for your vagina: Open Concept

# ? Aug 20, 2018 15:25

Philonius: Jun 12, 2005

My Imaginary GF posted:

It could be worse. Those girls could have been enrolled members of the tribe; a family switches allegiances and a new factional majority on the tribal council is elected; the swing kingroup has a dislike for the girls and sends an anonymous letter to the enrollment committee questioning their blood quantum; the newly appointed members of the enrollment board send a letter alerting the girls that their eligability for enrollment is under scrutinization and they are required to submit acceptable documentation and appear before the enrollment committee.

Enrollment committees, having been delegated broad authority, may often have the power of interpretation over documentation. So if you submit documentation that shows you meet the eligability requirements, the enrollment committee often has the authority to be all 'Truth isn't truth' and determine that the 2+2=5 so therefore you fail to pass muster and are disenrolled.

This often occurs when there are direct political or financial stakes from enrollment/disenrollment in a tribe. Tribal governance be hosed up, yo. Republicans shout about how much they want no taxes and how much government bureaucrats overreach - you wanna see the form of government that'd be achieved without a deep state and no taxes, look no further than tribes.

Sounds hyperbolic? Think again! I've interviewed folk in that piece, sovereignty without responsibility and incentives for exclusionary politics is poo poo.

e:grammar

I guess any talk of reforming they way these tribes can self-govern is dead in the water? I imagine any outside interference will be seen as oppression, no matter the facts of the case.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 15:27

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Feng shuai that va-jay-jay

Brb. Patenting this before you do.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 16:47

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

Bored posted:

Brb. Patenting this before you do.

There is already Vajazzling and those Gwyneth Paltrow Goop Vagina Stones, this is already patented and you know it.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 16:50

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

I love him!

quote:

My (26f) husband (29m) of 3 years is in prison on 5 year sentence. I just found out his ex-GF (30s?) is giving money to his commissary account. He says its not cheating because he can't "touch" her and he needs the money for his safety.

I know this is a massively messed up situation. A year after we were married my husband was involved in a criminal activity. After a really long trial he was given 5 years (with no credit for time served, which is rare) so with good behavior he'll be out in about 2 years from now.

Since this isn't a common question, I'll just explain what commissary is. Basically it's like Amazon inside the prison where they order things like snacks, soap, razors and depending on status books and magazines. There's two ways to fund commisary accounts, he can work (he lost his job because he got into a fight) or people on the outside can fund the account. I've been putting money in ever since he went in.

I got an automated call from DOC last week that my debit card had been rejected and Dylan's commissary would not have enough to cover his order for the week. I looked on my account and saw that the payment had gone through. I figured it was a mistake but I brought it up with Dylan at visitation this week.

It was there he revealed that since he lost his job, he needs extra money for commissary because he uses it for safety and that he'd had no choice but to reach out to his ex-girlfriend for extra money. I was devastated because I've stood by him through all this. I know for a fact it wasn't just friendly banter and he's probably promising her that he will be with her when he gets out. I told him that he's cheating on me. He said it's not cheating because he can't actually touch her and that he has to do what he has to do to survive. I told him I'd give him more money but he said that it's better to do it this way because its harder for DOC to be in his business.

Our time was up and like always, we didn't leave with any clarity on this situation. he usually has ipad time on Monday nights and for the first time since he's been away he didn't use it to call me and I haven't heard from him.

I'm just devastated, I feel terrible because I don't know what he said to her but I consider it cheating. She lives really close so I guess I could go talk to her and figure out whats going on. I just feel like this is another horrible knock in a situation that is so hard for me and I know I don't know really what he goes through but he could have asked me for more money, he could have asked his family, he could have done a million things before taking money from her.

What should I do with this?

tl;dr: husband is getting his ex-girlfriend to fund his commissary account while in DOC.

The comments are all advising her to dump the guy. She insists she is in love and them pointing out that is not enough. She also goes on about how the judge had it in for the guy even though he turned on the others involved in exchange for reduced time.

My favorite comment:

quote:

The guy has so many red flags, it's like she's looking at the Red Sea before Moses parted it!

# ? Aug 20, 2018 17:07

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I just want to know what he did because he snitched and still got 5 years no time served

# ? Aug 20, 2018 17:41

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

quote:

I'll just explain what commissary is. Basically it's like Amazon inside the prison

Good crosspost opportunity for the Capitalism thread imo.

What is this word that means "store, but inside a government base/facility"? Well, it's like an Amazon.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 17:43

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Barudak posted:

I just want to know what he did because he snitched and still got 5 years no time served

She said one of the others involved got over 30 years in the comments. Her husband of course insists he was not there and just knew what happened.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 17:48

Fuck Your Website: Nov 29, 2003; FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

Philonius posted:

I guess any talk of reforming they way these tribes can self-govern is dead in the water? I imagine any outside interference will be seen as oppression, no matter the facts of the case.

Shut up about this already please

Xenocides posted:

I love him!

The comments are all advising her to dump the guy. She insists she is in love and them pointing out that is not enough. She also goes on about how the judge had it in for the guy even though he turned on the others involved in exchange for reduced time.

My favorite comment:

This guy is bad even as boyfriends/husbands in prison go and is only with her because she's the only person in the world dumb enough to believe his nonsense.

Fuck Your Website fucked around with this message at 18:01 on Aug 20, 2018

# ? Aug 20, 2018 17:57

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

Presented without comment

My wife [30F] and I [33M] disagree about circumcising our son.

quote:

u/TheCandelabra
In retrospect we should have figured this out before getting pregnant, but it's a bit late for that now. My wife is pregnant with our first, a boy. Last week at our prenatal appointment the topic came up. I had always assumed we wouldn't, since I am not, but my wife started asking questions that made me think we're not on the same page. Turns out she always assumed we would, and thought I'd be on board with it.

Her argument is that we know two men who had to get it done as adults (her brother and a friend from college) and agreed that it sounds like a hellish experience. In addition her best friend is an OB/GYN and leans toward recommending it for health reasons.

My argument is that the odds of him having issues are still pretty low, and I have the equipment in question so I can teach him how to care for it properly. But, she's still worried about him needing it as an adult, so we seem to be at an impasse.

tl;dr: Wife wants to circumcise our son, I do not. It either happens or it doesn't, so it doesn't seem like a compromise is possible.

Sorry, there weren�t any stories which let you all talk about how easy home cooking is, or the right amount to spend on a car.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 18:27

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Split the difference, cut the dad

# ? Aug 20, 2018 18:31

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Xenocides posted:

She said one of the others involved got over 30 years in the comments. Her husband of course insists he was not there and just knew what happened.

That�s the modus operandi of the US justice system. They likely told him he�d lose his trial and get 25+ years, or that he could plea bargain and take the 5. Plenty of people plea out even if they�re innocent to avoid greater punishment. 95% of cases don�t go to trial in the US. Did he do something? Maybe. Did they threaten to destroy his life forever and offer a guilty plea as the only rational choice? Assuredly.

E: his council also probably strongly encouraged taking the plea deal

Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 18:36 on Aug 20, 2018

# ? Aug 20, 2018 18:33

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

Milotic posted:

Presented without comment

My wife [30F] and I [33M] disagree about circumcising our son.

and that boy's name was...Walter Sullivan

# ? Aug 20, 2018 18:36

duck trucker: Oct 14, 2017; YOSPOS

china bot posted:

and that boy's name was...Walter Sullivan

Goddammit you beat me to it

# ? Aug 20, 2018 18:51

Philonius: Jun 12, 2005

Milotic posted:

Presented without comment

My wife [30F] and I [33M] disagree about circumcising our son.

" But, she's still worried about him needing it as an adult, so we seem to be at an impasse. "

That seems a weird reason to pre-emptively circumcise someone. Might as well remove the tonsils and appendix too. Maybe get a bulk discount.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 18:53

Paul Zuvella: Dec 7, 2011

china bot posted:

and that boy's name was...Walter Sullivan

loving lmao

# ? Aug 20, 2018 18:59

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Philonius posted:

That seems a weird reason to pre-emptively circumcise someone. Might as well remove the tonsils and appendix too. Maybe get a bulk discount.

Oh, go haunt a man trapped in his apartment, Walter.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:02

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Philonius posted:

That seems a weird reason to pre-emptively circumcise someone. Might as well remove the tonsils and appendix too. Maybe get a bulk discount.

I don�t know. On the one hand, I wish I�d been circumcised before I was old enough to remember it? and on the other, there�s really no way of knowing it�ll be necessary down the line so if the risk is minimal, jeez.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:09

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

Americans being so into circumcision is just one of those weird loving american things that's only prevalent in America in the 1st world. Like your lack of workers rights or corn syrup

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:12

Barudak: May 7, 2007

If your family has a history of needing a dilz snip, consider it. My brother in law couldnt walk for weeks cause it hurt so bad when he had it done as a teenager.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:12

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Milotic posted:

Presented without comment

My wife [30F] and I [33M] disagree about circumcising our son.

Sorry, there weren�t any stories which let you all talk about how easy home cooking is, or the right amount to spend on a car.

Rough way to find out your wife hates your dick.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:14

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Circumcision should be mandatory, but only when the person is an adult. Roving slice squads running boys down on their 18th birthdays. Rebel groups being shot down in the street.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:14

Ziv Zulander: Mar 24, 2017; ZZ for short

burial posted:

I don�t know. On the one hand, I wish I�d been circumcised before I was old enough to remember it? and on the other, there�s really no way of knowing it�ll be necessary down the line so if the risk is minimal, jeez.

Circumcision is really a take it or leave it thing for most of your life, until you're an old man. It becomes a problem once you stop being able to wash your own dick and start needing some young punk to wash it for you. If you've still got your foreskin, your caregiver making 50 cents above minimum wage isn't going to give enough of a poo poo to peel it back and get underneath there every time they change you. Then, it's onto UTI city.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:15

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Ziv Zulander posted:

Circumcision is really a take it or leave it thing for most of your life, until you're an old man. It becomes a problem once you stop being able to wash your own dick and start needing some young punk to wash it for you. If you've still got your foreskin, your caregiver making 50 cents above minimum wage isn't going to give enough of a poo poo to peel it back and get underneath there every time they change you. Then, it's onto UTI city.

I just went from ambivalent to extremely glad I'm snipped.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:20

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Hellblazer187 posted:

I just went from ambivalent to extremely glad I'm snipped.

I didn�t say I�m not glad I�m cut, just that I wish I didn�t remember it.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:24

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Hellblazer187 posted:

I just went from ambivalent to extremely glad I'm snipped.

hell

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:24

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Pvt.Scott posted:

I can�t really think of a genre of music I blanket dislike.

Oh sweet, I found the last living human on Earth who's yet to be exposed to Electro-Swing.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:24

Ziv Zulander: Mar 24, 2017; ZZ for short

Hellblazer187 posted:

I just went from ambivalent to extremely glad I'm snipped.

Similar problem for women, too. If somebody with lady parts shits themself then you've really got to get up in that vagoo if you want it clean. If you don't, boom, UTI.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:26

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Pvt.Scott posted:

I can’t really think of a genre of music I blanket dislike.

Whatever Sublime is.

They're going to be playing that poo poo at the old folks home where I die

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:26

Nightgull: Jan 22, 2018; TOTALLY NOT A CONSERVATIVE
or a fucking nazi

TheScott2K posted:

Whatever Sublime is.

They're going to be playing that poo poo at the old folks home where I die

Yeah ska is almost as terrible as it�s fans

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:28

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

that steampunk giraffe band or whatever it is

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:34

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

weird, in my experience sublime has fans cross cut from a wide variety of demographics

guess nerd isn't one of them

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:37

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

hawowanlawow posted:

weird, in my experience sublime has fans cross cut from a wide variety of demographics

guess nerd isn't one of them

Sublime fits nicely into the blanket category of "music that is objectively trashy but which I like because I liked it when I was a kid" personally

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:40

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

That one Sublime CD is going to turn out to be our generation's Eagles Greatest Hits.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:42

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# ? May 14, 2024 09:32

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

oh I see what's going on here

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:45

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