/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

Xenocides posted:

I love him!

The comments are all advising her to dump the guy. She insists she is in love and them pointing out that is not enough. She also goes on about how the judge had it in for the guy even though he turned on the others involved in exchange for reduced time.

My favorite comment:

I wonder what state this happened in. No credit for time served is really strange. What the hell did they do?

# ? Aug 20, 2018 19:53

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# ? May 13, 2024 23:20

Pham Nuwen: Oct 30, 2010

Barudak posted:

Two words for your vagina: Open Concept

I think that was the boyfriend's complaint, though!

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:03

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Nope, no mental problems here. I also choose to believe the username is a Twilight reference.

quote:

[27f] Found out my (then) bf [29m] is a closet bisexual and tried to cheat on me with men
u/Bellaxlove14

So a few months ago I was on my (then) boyfriend's tablet and he'd left his email open. And snoopy me. I browse a bit and find he was posting ads of himself with tons of nudes in the m4m section of Craigslist looking for guys to hook up with behind my back.

Digging further I find his bisexuality goes back to 2012, that it goes as far as him being screwed by a tranny, (lots of tranny porn/escort searches in his history so must be a fetish). And that there is more such as him having an affair with a married woman.

He claims none of this is true, that his email was hacked.

Suuuure. Someone has been sending hundreds of emails to guys on Craigslist and hooking up with them and talking about it in detail to other people, since 2012, and he never noticed any of this in his email. Right.

We split up soon afterward.

I found more crap in his history yesterday (we still hang out and had almost gotten back together) and his excuse "look in my history! There's nothing there!" A hundred times I heard that. Because history can't be deleted and incognito can't be used lmao.

Part of me wants to out him but I don't feel like him pressing charges and winding up in jail. But I just had to tell the story somewhere because you feel like this stuff only happens in movies or something but nope. It's real. And it sadly had to happen to me and I don't even know how to get over it. I have no issues with him being bi whatsoever, if he would have been open about it. Heck I probably would have told him to keep having his fun with guys once in a while if it keeps him happy. But nope. He had to insult my intelligence and lie about every detail and I'm sure will take all of this to his grave.

Wish I had the money to hire a PI and prove I'm right...

If anyone has ever been through anything like this and could offer me advice or words of wisdom, it would be much appreciated. I am unfortunately head over heels in love with this guy (we were together a year) but now after confronting him a second time about all of this he told me to gtfo of his life and wants nothing to do with me

TL;DR; my ex boyfriend is a closet bisexual and apparently wants nothing to do with me because I know his secret. What do I do?

So you are a snoop and he cheat on you but you want him back? And you want to out him to the world to humiliate him but are worried about legal complications so you want to hire a PI?

Why do you want to do this? When asked she responded:

quote:

Because I feel like if he'd just come out he could stop lying about it and hating me for knowing and we could just be happy together...

Response: Trust me, that�s not why he hates you.

And in case you still sympathize with her:

quote:

Well like I said, I thought we were going to get back together. The day before I found this second bunch of crap we had just agreed to make our FWB exclusive.

When asked about why she is worried about him pressing charges:

quote:

No if I told anyone. I'm afraid he'd try to have me arrested for slander or something. I don't know. He's that kind of jerk. Called the cops on me one time when he wanted me to leave his apartment.

I think we all hope these two crazy kids can figure out how to make this work.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:05

JaneError: Feb 4, 2016; how would i even breathe on the moon?

Is my boyfriends mom too obsessed with him and his life?

quote:

This will be quite a long post I'm sure so I'll try to keep things as simple as possible. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and living together for 2. I'm now 21 and hes 22. When we met he lived in a college town about 3 hours from his mom and thats where we moved into together after a year of long distance. We just moved two months ago to a different state but its only a 5.5 hour drive from his mom now. Anyways to get into it, his mom calls him AT LEAST once a day, but shes called 3 or 4 times before. If he doesnt answer, she then calls me because shes worried about him. When really he was just playing video games or he got called into work last mintue so it wasnt om his schedule. Which brings me to my next point of the fact that she has his log in info to his online work schedule which she checks on a regular basis to see when hes working. Oh and her phone calls are typically pointless conversations where she really didnt need to call him. I understand having new things to tell him but sometimes it's literally just to say hi or ramble about stuff.

Shes very possessive over the fact that we need to see her more than my family and has even said more than once that when we have kids, they're going to see her the most. (I have a pretty low key relationship with my parents and they aren't as persistent as her so shes probably right) last dec. she rented a cabin for the family from the 19th-22nd. So you'd assume that on Christmas eve/day we could be with my family because we kind of already saw them, and we spent last Christmas eve with his mom. No. We had to drive back home for a day, then drive all the way to his moms. My parents actually got us really nice gifts that year like real grown up gifts so I feel bad that we just took the presents and didnt visit with them.

She raised him a single mom at 21 until he was about 10 when she finally remarried. She has told me this story more than once, about how my boyfriend slept in her bed until he was 11. Mind you she was already married at this time but the new husband slept on the couch so my boyfriend could have the bed. It wasnt until she became pregnant with his little sister that he moved into his own bed. Like wtf I feel like no kid should still sleep w/ their parents past the age of 3 and that's even too old in my opinion. She babies him a lot growing up (cooking, laundry, making his bed...even starting the shower for him in the morning when he was in high school:/ ) even though she has two other kids ages 11 and 9 and says she loves all her kids shes even said that theres something special about my boyfriend.

Oh also I feel like I cant call him any pet name because shes already taken all of them! Babe, baby, love bug, lovey, b (his first initial). Like what the hell I feel weird calling my own boyfriend babe or baby because his mom does! She shared this link on Facebook titled "I called him baby first" and it's some letter a mom wrote to her sons wife saying not to forget that she was the first woman in his life and basically she called him baby first. TL;DR Also we just did his families annual reunion camping trip however me, him and his mom stayed in a hotel this year. She paid for it which was super nice because the area is expensive so we obviously all shared a room together. Well when she showered, you'd think that she would bring her clean clothes in with her to change into. Because you know, why would you walk out half naked into a small room with your adult son and his girlfriend. But that's exactly what she did in her skimpy hotel towel. (Shes 5"10 so it especially looked small) so while shes standing in her towel, she decided to walk over to him and show him the professional picture from our rafting trip earlier that day. I thought that was so weird because why is she in the same room as us in just a towel, let alone trying to have a convo with him. Also she left a pair of black lace underwear on the bathroom counter the rest of the trip but that's it. Like no other clothing items were left in there so I thought that was random.

I did confront him about a week ago and he said he doesnt think much of it because he doesnt have many friends and doesn't talk to anyone besides me and his mom so he just thinks of her more of a friend than a parent. However the last few days he does seem a little irritated throwing in a little sigh or "oh my god" when his phones rings and shes the one calling. He also saw my point when the other night he didnt answer his phone (I was with him and he ignored it for no specific reason) the next day he said that that morning he talked to his mom and she said she was about to start calling me if he didnt answer her that time because she was worried. We are both very mature for our age, we feel like an old married couple so I understand it's only been 5 years since he moved out of his moms but is she going to continue to call everyday when we're 30 with our own serious lives and kids? Is she too obsessed with him and / or his life? TL;DR;

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:06

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Milotic posted:

Presented without comment

My wife [30F] and I [33M] disagree about circumcising our son.

Sorry, there weren�t any stories which let you all talk about how easy home cooking is, or the right amount to spend on a car.

Leave the kid's dick alone. What in the gently caress is people's obsession with cutting baby dicks? The health benefits are minimal, and if your doctor doesn't know what's up and pulls too much then I've got two words for you: "hairy penis."

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:11

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Bogus Adventure posted:

Leave the kid's dick alone. What in the gently caress is people's obsession with cutting baby dicks? The health benefits are minimal, and if your doctor doesn't know what's up and pulls too much then I've got two words for you: "hairy penis."

My wife's friend's husband (which makes us...absolutely nothing) wanted his son to be circumcised because he was and he didn't want their dicks to be different, which is probably the worst reason I've ever heard.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:15

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

JaneError posted:

Is my boyfriends mom too obsessed with him and his life?

Run, lady. Run fast and ghost that situation.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:18

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

JaneError posted:

Is my boyfriends mom too obsessed with him and his life?

Eh, I know mama's boys definitely exist, but this one makes me think the girlfriend is just a little too sensitive to it. I mean, coming out of a bathroom with a towel on isn't a big deal in my opinion. Lots of the other stuff is weird though.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:19

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

TheScott2K posted:

My wife's friend's husband (which makes us...absolutely nothing) wanted his son to be circumcised because he was and he didn't want their dicks to be different, which is probably the worst reason I've ever heard.

*screaming intensifies*

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:20

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

Oh hell yeah the foreskin defenders have logged on

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:22

Philonius: Jun 12, 2005

TheScott2K posted:

My wife's friend's husband (which makes us...absolutely nothing) wanted his son to be circumcised because he was and he didn't want their dicks to be different, which is probably the worst reason I've ever heard.

I have never in my life thought "man, if only my dick more closely resembled my dad's"

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:23

Philonius: Jun 12, 2005

Ziv Zulander posted:

Circumcision is really a take it or leave it thing for most of your life, until you're an old man. It becomes a problem once you stop being able to wash your own dick and start needing some young punk to wash it for you. If you've still got your foreskin, your caregiver making 50 cents above minimum wage isn't going to give enough of a poo poo to peel it back and get underneath there every time they change you. Then, it's onto UTI city.

I have long ago decided that I'll take a graceful exit the moment I can no longer wipe my own rear end. Guess I'll amend that to 'or clean my own dick' .

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:25

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Business Gorillas posted:

Oh hell yeah the foreskin defenders have logged on

The thread accidentally wandered into Silent Hill.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:26

Barudak: May 7, 2007

What a sad up bringing that you didnt do father and son dick picks.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:36

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Hey guys how much should I tip on this hot dog sandwich

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:46

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

zakharov posted:

Hey guys how much of the tip should I remove from this hot dog sandwich

ftfy

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:49

Zedd: Jul 6, 2009; I mean, who would have noticed another madman around here?

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

Oh sweet, I found the last living human on Earth who's yet to be exposed to Electro-Swing.

Eh it's okay, now Chap-Hop, that is a crime against humanity.
Luckily also pretty niche/dead from what I recall so :toot:

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:50

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

zakharov posted:

Hey guys how much should I tip on this hot dog sandwich

Depends on whether or not you want Jesus* to love you

*American Jesus

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:51

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

TheScott2K posted:

My wife's friend's husband (which makes us...absolutely nothing) wanted his son to be circumcised because he was and he didn't want their dicks to be different, which is probably the worst reason I've ever heard.

I heard one that was 'because what if the other boys make fun of him in the locker room?'

masculinity: so fragile, we gotta nip the tip

# ? Aug 20, 2018 20:54

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Heh, load-bearing intern.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 21:03

Ziv Zulander: Mar 24, 2017; ZZ for short

zakharov posted:

Hey guys how much should I tip on this hot dog sandwich

I tipped $10 on a plate of frankly mediocre steak and eggs today and the waitress wanted to make sure I knew how much I was giving her

# ? Aug 20, 2018 21:05

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Zedd posted:

Eh it's okay, now Chap-Hop, that is a crime against humanity.
Luckily also pretty niche/dead from what I recall so .

Professor Elemental slaps AND bops and I SHAN'T hear his oeuvre slandered in this way. I challenge you to a duel, sirrah! Steampunk blunderbusses at dawn!

# ? Aug 20, 2018 21:19

Defiance Industries: Jul 22, 2010; A five-star manufacturer

Philonius posted:

I guess any talk of reforming they way these tribes can self-govern is dead in the water? I imagine any outside interference will be seen as oppression, no matter the facts of the case.

Not entirely, but you have to do something pretty egregious before drawing outside interference. A tribe near Seattle had leaders doing a lot of shady poo poo involving elections and disenrollment, appointing themselves to sit on their Supreme Court, tinpot dictator kinds of poo poo. The Department of Interior ended up telling them they didn't recognize their current ruling council as a legitimate government and pulled a bunch of funding.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 21:31

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

Business Gorillas posted:

Oh hell yeah the foreskin defenders have logged on

it makes your dick look smaller tho

# ? Aug 20, 2018 21:32

Farg: Nov 19, 2013

weirdos justifing strange dicks because they are too cowardly to circumsized yhemselbes. Now

# ? Aug 20, 2018 22:12

Philonius: Jun 12, 2005

La Brea Carpet posted:

Feng shuai that va-jay-jay

I [42m] caught my girlfriend [21f] in bed with another man. She claims he was doing feng shui?!

# ? Aug 20, 2018 22:38

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

[UT] Cops searched car and took unopened bottle of Rum while I was at party

quote:

I got designated as the DD of my group last night so I should also note that I�m [17m]. We got to the party and parked and they cracked open a bottle of liquor and they all finished it off between themselves. We couldn�t bring alcohol in to where we were going so we left the rum in my car in the box unopened (I wouldn�t let em have any open bottles in my car).

Fast forward about 4 hrs later we decide to take the party back to my buddies aunts apartment and we get to the car and my buddies cousin who wanted to just sleep in my car while we were doing our thing was gone and so was the liquor. We figure he had a friend pick him up and then my buddy says somebody went through his backpack he left in my car and that his jar of weeds gone. So everyone gets furious because at this point the obvious sign is the cousin rummaged through his poo poo took his weed and stole the alcohol and dipped.

Our buddy finally gets in touch with his cousin and supposedly what happened is that the cops went through my car since it was unlocked and took the liquor and weed and just left.

I�m not trying to say I�m in the right in any way. I don�t give a poo poo they took the rum, weed whatever. I�m feeling straight blessed that my car isn�t impounded, I�m not fined and pretty much that I didn�t get hosed over in any way. I still have my doubts that this was actually cops but if it was I�m curious to what reasoning they could�ve used for going through my car.

TL;DR cops searched car my unlocked car while I was elsewhere, took illicit substances, curious as to how it was legal to do so.

quote:

Edit: so it seems I�m loving retarded. I don�t personally care what happened since I didn�t pitch for the booze and I didn�t have to worry about driving with weed in my car but there is no way in hell I�ll be able to convince my buddy that his cousin hosed everyone over like that.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 23:13

Scrotum Modem: Sep 12, 2014

Hahaha the cops just taking the drugs and leaving. I then noticed this takes place in Utah, the Mormon State. This is extra hilarious. Well he's thinking like a 17 year old, no doubt about that

# ? Aug 20, 2018 23:21

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

My (30F) friend (29F) gave her husband (32M) a hand job on my couch when I wasn't home and might actually think I'm okay with it

quote:

u/fuckmycouch_
Hi everyone, thanks in advance for your help. Yesterday, I had two friends (a married couple) over to watch a movie and ended up having to run out for 15 minutes to drop my daughter off with my mother in law. I had to leave them alone with my very anxious rescue dog, who was asleep on the couch. Because of my dog�s history, my living room has a nanny cam on the tv stand so we can keep an eye on her. It�s not concealed in any way and the wife in this couple is very aware of it. We live in the same condo complex and go to the pool together often. She�s seen me using the app on my phone to watch my dog several times.

Less than five minutes after I left, I checked the cam to make sure my dog was still asleep and comfortable, and was shocked to see my friend giving her husband a hand job on my couch. My dog was still asleep next to them. I didn�t feel angry at the time, just sort of in disbelief and so the only way I knew how to handle it was with humor. When I got home they said �she (my dog) slept the whole time, she didn�t even know you were gone.� I said �that�s great, but did you forget there�s a camera right there?� They both looked super embarrassed and mumbled apologies, and I jokingly told them it was fine as long as there were no bodily fluids on my couch or furniture. They stayed to hang out longer, we drank a lot and I made a few more quips about the situation and they went home.

I kind of understand the thrill of possibly being caught, but this is not something I thought people did beyond high school. As the day has gone on and I�ve thought more about it, I�m starting to feel disrespected and violated. I would consider this couple close friends of mine and I�m hurt that they didn�t consider how this would affect me if I found out. My daughter is 8 and could have easily forgotten something and needed to run back in to walk in on this. Neither of them have reached out to me today to say anything about it. I�m hoping that it�s because they�re embarrassed, but I�m worried that my nonchalant way of dealing with it last night made them feel like this behavior is totally cool with me. It is not. I was considering paying the wife to walk my dog on occasion and now I�m hesitant to let her into my house when I�m not there. Help?!

TL;DR I left my friends in my house with my dog while I dropped my daughter off 5 minutes away. They thought it would be cool to hook up on my couch before I got back. I saw it happen on my nanny cam. It was not cool.

Weirdly the reddit comments seem to be siding against her.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 23:39

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

people are really terrible at risk/reward assessment

# ? Aug 20, 2018 23:52

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Jack-Off Lantern posted:

There is already Vajazzling and those Gwyneth Paltrow Goop Vagina Stones, this is already patented and you know it.

I forgot.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 23:54

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

My daughter is 8 and could have easily forgotten something and needed to run back in to walk in on this

Oh, balls. Is not like they were both naked, working their way through the Kama Sutra. Your attempt to escalate your irritation by invoking The Children is denied.

# ? Aug 20, 2018 23:59

Barudak: May 7, 2007

You know the rules, you wanna jerk a dick you brought from home on my couch you gotta pay a corking fee

# ? Aug 21, 2018 00:00

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Barudak posted:

You know the rules, you wanna jerk a dick you brought from home on my couch you gotta pay a corking fee

It's just 5% off the top

# ? Aug 21, 2018 00:03

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

I mean, it's totally understandable not to want your 8yo daughter to walk in on your friends doing sex stuff in your house. That's a reasonable expectation, no sex when the 8yo in the next room.

It's a dick move (lol), but they probably think it's just a 'lets never talk about this' sitch. OP will have to clearly say 'that bothered me, please don't do that in my house again', which is an entirely reasonable boudary.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 00:14

Brother Entropy: Dec 27, 2009

StrangersInTheNight posted:

I mean, it's totally understandable not to want your 8yo daughter to walk in on your friends doing sex stuff in your house. That's a reasonable expectation, no sex when the 8yo in the next room.

the daughter wasn't in the next room, she was in her mom's car being taken to her grandma's

# ? Aug 21, 2018 00:17

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

It's totally understandable to not want your friends to gently caress in your god damned house what the gently caress

# ? Aug 21, 2018 00:31

The Ferret King: Nov 23, 2003; cluck cluck

Haha. Your friends are squares

# ? Aug 21, 2018 00:35

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

just for a sad handjob

# ? Aug 21, 2018 00:35

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# ? May 13, 2024 23:20

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Blade Runner posted:

It's totally understandable to not want your friends to gently caress in your god damned house what the gently caress

"No kinkshaming! No kinkshaming!" I continue to insist as I slowly shrink and transform into a handjob on my friend's couch.

# ? Aug 21, 2018 00:38

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