- Panfilo
- Aug 27, 2011
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Can't post for 12 days!
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lol. So there were three rackets going on at the same time.
- The landlord who knowingly rented to someone who was already cheating the system (working under the table).
- The renter who played the system, cheated his taxes, and subletted without authorization.
- The immigrant families who were double cheated by their "landlord" and surely by their employers who were paying them under the table as well.
Sounds like a mire of cheats and liars and it just happened to be the renter who came out on top this time. Somehow I have the wild hunch that your in-laws would have seen all of this as cool and good if they hadn't been the ones to lose. Did they even have a formal rental agreement/lease with this fellow?
Landlord didn't know the tenant was cheating the system until later. Previous tenants in the place were similar to my in-laws; naturalized Mexican immigrants who all came in from the same part of Mexico, so they didn't assume this guy would be any different. In laws didn't know he was subletting until way later because the tenant told the undocumented renters if other people come sniffing around the house they will likely deport any of the families since they were undocumented. The only person who owned a vehicle out of the ~15 that lived in the house was the only official 'tenant', everyone else took the bus to work (no idea what they did with all the garbage that many people would generate) so my wife's family had no idea all these people were in the house. I don't even know what kind of rental agreement they had with the guy either.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. The problem is that both US political parties are in bed with the industries and groups who heavily exploit immigrant labor.
^ It's just super easy to exploit people in an insulated and co-dependent immigrant community for those who are predators inside said community.
Panfilo fucked around with this message at 16:16 on Sep 1, 2018
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Sep 1, 2018 16:12
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 06:27
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- Veni Vidi Ameche!
- Nov 2, 2017
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by Fluffdaddy
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I pay about a grand per month. Now that they’ve put in hurricane straps and have a cable running across the house, it’s not likely to actually collapse. I don’t think.
Not only are you owed the rent you paid, but if you're on a lease that isn't up yet, the landlord has to put you up somewhere else until your lease is over. You still have to pay rent, but if the rent you is less than the cost of a hotel or new place he has to eat that. If you're month to month you'll probably get a 30 day notice if you start legal poo poo, but honestly he'll probably settle for paying for you to and returning your deposit.
I mentioned earlier that my lease ended within a week of this happening. I’ve been month-to-month ever since.
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Sep 1, 2018 17:36
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- Warbadger
- Jun 17, 2006
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Landlord didn't know the tenant was cheating the system until later. Previous tenants in the place were similar to my in-laws; naturalized Mexican immigrants who all came in from the same part of Mexico, so they didn't assume this guy would be any different. In laws didn't know he was subletting until way later because the tenant told the undocumented renters if other people come sniffing around the house they will likely deport any of the families since they were undocumented. The only person who owned a vehicle out of the ~15 that lived in the house was the only official 'tenant', everyone else took the bus to work (no idea what they did with all the garbage that many people would generate) so my wife's family had no idea all these people were in the house. I don't even know what kind of rental agreement they had with the guy either.
By necessity, many immigrant enclaves (such as the one my in laws are part of) normally have a lot of mutual trust with each other; most of them all came from not just the same town but even the same part of the town in Mexico, so everyone kind of knows everyone. Normally this means you don't screw over the person loaning you money, renting out a place from you, or playing at your daugther's Quinceañera. But when it does happen, people can be incredibly vulnerable to being massively scammed. In the same vein, good luck trying to get child support from your kid's father when he's hosed off to work out of state or got deported/moved back to Mexico. A lot of people are 'unbanked' as well, doing most transactions in cash which makes them similarly vulnerable to fraud, robbery, etc.
Oh, I know, I know a lot of people in the immigrant communities in my area. It usually comes down to the person having connections to find the people to exploit, being more accessible for the immigrants to work with (common language, willing to pay under the table, seemingly less likely to report them, etc.) and also knowing their needs and vulnerabilities. Like a restaurant manager who immigrated legally, hires undocumented workers for his chefs and servers from a similar background, but steals everybody's tip money and beats the poo poo out of a few women for complaining about it. He knows they can't easily report him, they don't have many employment alternatives to make ends meet if he fires them or the place gets shut down, and knows he will be able to find other people in a bad spot to replace them in that position. Extra bonus points if he networks with the other restaurant managers doing the same poo poo in the area and can blacklist people.
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Sep 1, 2018 18:06
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- Adar
- Jul 27, 2001
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I pay about a grand per month. Now that they’ve put in hurricane straps and have a cable running across the house, it’s not likely to actually collapse. I don’t think.
I mentioned earlier that my lease ended within a week of this happening. I’ve been month-to-month ever since.
https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/renters-rights-book/chapter7-2.html
http://www.landlord.com/state-habitability-statutes-by-state.htm
I don't know whether you can do something about the $2,000 you've already spent on an uninhabitable Lyme disease breeding ground, but you should probably talk to a lawyer before you spend another $2,000
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Sep 1, 2018 18:17
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- The Ferret King
- Nov 23, 2003
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cluck cluck
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Nah, it's fine just keep making excuses.
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Sep 1, 2018 18:22
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- Fuck Your Website
- Nov 29, 2003
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FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE
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Landlord didn't know the tenant was cheating the system until later.
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Sep 1, 2018 18:56
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- Shnag
- Dec 8, 2010
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"I'll be whatever I wanna do!"
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Off topic from landlord chat:
quote: My Dad [M 43] cheated on my mom [F 43] - and my mom and I [M 19] found out because he sent an email meant from his new GF to us.Infidelity
EDIT: title should say “meant for” not meant “from”
This a bit surreal for me so I apologize in advance for my emotion in this post.
I - along with my mom - discovered that my dad was cheating on her because he accidentally sent a message meant for his new girlfriend in an email to my mom and me. (What a loving idiot, I know.)
As my parents have always fought, I guess I expected a divorce (I’m 19, no siblings, and they’ve been married 20 years), but I never thought about cheating. This is especially hard for me because I am close to my dad - he is my role model and one of the best friends - but this is so two-faced it gives me stomaches. Additionally, I am not very close with my mom.
The hardest part is that the email said that he “just got away” from my mom and me so he could meet up. In other words, he chose this person over being with me (and my mom) this weekend. I leave for sophomore year of college this weekend so to hear that he didn’t want to be with me is extremely painful, and unexpected.
I’m writing because I need advice:
how to approach my dad - right now I have no plans to talk to him, at least for a while. My mom - who I want to support in this especially difficult time for her - wants me to give him the silent treatment but tomorrow (before I leave) wants me to say all these things about how he lied to us, etc. she wants to keep the marriage, I’m 99% sure my dad wants to get a divorce. My mom believes that if I say the right things that make him reflect, he’ll realize he’s missing out on family things, repent, change, and come back. Personally, even though I think a divorce is solidified, I owe it to my mom to support her.
how to approach topic with friends - my mom doesn’t want me to tell anybody because I don’t think anyone in our community would expect this, and as a result it’d become nothing but gossip and embarrassing. I have close friends that I certainly trust, but I’m worried that 10 years from now at my wedding or family events they’ll see my dad and presumably new wife with such disgust. I don’t want to be known as the kid with a dad that cheated on his mom, but I feel like I have to tell some people. I know my friends will support me, I just don’t want them to look at my dad so negatively. He is an amazing father (except this does break my respect for him), just a bad spouse.
Thank you for reading and for any advice you have.
TL;DR: My Dad cheated on my mom. My mom and I both found out in horrible way and know I want to know how to approach my dad and if I should tell my friends
What a dirt bag Dad. It sucks for the Mom, but she shouldn't put the kid in that situation, let alone still want him back.
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Sep 1, 2018 19:08
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- ClamdestineBoyster
- Aug 15, 2015
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Can't post for 10 years!
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Oh was that one of those things where you get raped by a pitch fly at the dmv and your landlord evicts you and the homeowner fakes their own death after they try to test you? Good luck shithead.
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Sep 1, 2018 19:12
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- Salty Josh
- Jul 13, 2016
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
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Nap Ghost
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Off topic from landlord chat:
What a dirt bag Dad. It sucks for the Mom, but she shouldn't put the kid in that situation, let alone still want him back.
She doesn't want him back, she just wants him to fall into complacency or affection for her again so she can leave him on her terms.
It's all about control.
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Sep 1, 2018 19:18
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- tactlessbastard
- Feb 4, 2001
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Godspeed, post
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Fun Shoe
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My relationship with this thread has taken a turn for the abusive since you dickheads won't shut the gently caress up about scummy landlords/tenants
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Sep 1, 2018 21:44
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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the tenant laws dont matter if the landlords have all the cards and the tenants don't have access to legal aid (or the knowledge to look for it) lol
there's a reason landlords are usually the first ones to go when the poors get angry enough
Being, like, statistically likely to be easily screwed because you won't read a contract or understand the law isn't a good argument for personally deciding to be that way.
A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 22:12 on Sep 1, 2018
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Sep 1, 2018 22:03
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- andrew smash
- Jun 26, 2006
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smooth soul
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This is one of the dumber dumb goon sagas
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Sep 1, 2018 22:13
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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I [19/M] don't know what to think anymore concerning my ex [18/F]
quote:
This was our first relationship. It was very serious, we where together for almost 2 years and lived together for 1 year. She first wanted a "break", then broke it off, came back a month later, and then said after a while just wanted to be friends. I told her that I will never be her friend and that I want a relationship. I was fighting like crazy for us and she kinda just took me for granted and didn't really respect me or showed much affection, but I know she has strong feelings for me.
It's kinda weird, after I said I dont want to be friends and that I want to work on things, we went our ways and she blocked me everywhere. After 3 months of no contact, when nobody from her side wished me well on my bday, I decided to cut off everybody from her side. So I deleted and blocked her family (Weird was that her father sent me a friend request 2 weeks before that) and her friends too.
2 days later I noticed that she has unblocked me from everything. And posts quotes that are directed at me. For example: "People will cut you off like a piece of poo poo, you decide how you'll handle it.." or "Why is everything so heavy?"
1 week after getting unblocked, my drat phone called her on accident. I immediatly hung up, but not even 2 seconds later she called me back. I didn't answer and since then, there hasn't been anything new since I deleted her number, so that it doesnt happen again.
Now what do I make of it? I kind of want her back, but only if she really wants to work on it, but at the same time I'm unsure about it. Since she already left me 3 times and treated me like poo poo and has taken me for granted. But first she told me that she doesn't give us any chances, and now I'm feeling confused by her actions. Now I don't want to play any games at all, I hate it, but I don't know if she is playing them..
Also I saw her in the city today. I thought my feelings had become less, but my heart started pounding and now I miss her again so yeah...
TL;DR Ex cuts off all contact but then sends signals to me that she doesn't want to lose me.
Sounds to me like two people need a copy of "How to  for Dummies".
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Sep 1, 2018 22:44
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- Smirking_Serpent
- Aug 27, 2009
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My boyfriend [19M] really hates one of my good friends [19M]. He berated said friend when we hung out the other day and now my friend is convinced that my boyfriend hates him. How do I [19F] even deal with this?
My boyfriend, who is also my best friend, and I have been dating for five years. We went to high school together and now we're going to the same college. My good friend, we'll call him Chris, also went to high school with us. My boyfriend has strongly disliked Chris since high school but I've been friends with Chris since middle school.
Chris has never been well-liked. In high school, I was pretty much his only friend. He's not a bad person per se but he has a lot of qualities that turn people off. A lot of those qualities stem from his manipulative parents and his bad upbringing. His morals are kinda wack, he doesn't take care of himself, is very overweight and has a poor relationship with food, freaks out over little things, and is absolutely horrible with stress and time management.
That being said, he doesn't have bad intentions and sometimes, he's pretty fun to be around. My boyfriend on the other hand is whip smart, organized, has his poo poo together, has many friends, and is super social justice-y. My boyfriend doesn't agree with anything Chris has to say and has looked down on him since high school. Back then, he regularly talked poo poo about Chris, made fun of him, and said that he doesn't deserve my pity. Although I agree that Chris does deserve half the bad stuff that happens to him since it's almost all caused by himself, I still remained friends with Chris since he does have positive qualities.
Chris goes to a smaller college that is not too far from the school me and my boyfriend go to. I try to hang out with Chris once a month since I've deduced that he doesn't have that many friends at his school. The other day, Chris came over to our school to hang out with me. My boyfriend usually avoids trying to see him when he comes but I made him tag along with me this time since he hasn't seen Chris in like almost a year. It did not go well to say the least. We were talking about college and academics and Chris said some pretty questionable stuff about people in his class. My boyfriend immediately got triggered and I could tell he was trying pretty hard not to say anything back. Finally, Chris said something that basically translated to him condoning cheating and my boyfriend low-key blew up at him. He went on a rant about how everything Chris said was wrong and listed a whole bunch of reasons. It was really awkward. Then my boyfriend said that he couldn't stand this conversation any longer and excused himself.
Sooo now Chris is convinced that my boyfriend hates him, which he does and has for a long time but it's something that I've kept from him. Chris is also extremely sensitive so he has been texting me non-stop asking if my bf hates him and what he thinks of him. So far I've just deflected the question and said that my boyfriend just doesn't agree with some things that you believe. I just got a call from him now, which I ignored, as I was typing this. I'm annoyed at both of them. I'm actually considering just cutting ties with Chris. I've tried helping him for almost ten years now and nothing has gone through.
How should I deal with Chris? Should I tell him the truth?
tl;dr: Boyfriend hates a friend of mine that we've known since high school. He recently came to hang out with us and my boyfriend blew up at him. My over-sensitive friend is now extremely upset and convinced that my boyfriend hates him. How do I even begin to deal with this?
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Sep 1, 2018 23:12
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- My Imaginary GF
- Jul 17, 2005
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by R. Guyovich
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My boyfriend [19M] really hates one of my good friends [19M]. He berated said friend when we hung out the other day and now my friend is convinced that my boyfriend hates him. How do I [19F] even deal with this?
My boyfriend, who is also my best friend, and I have been dating for five years. We went to high school together and now we're going to the same college. My good friend, we'll call him Chris, also went to high school with us. My boyfriend has strongly disliked Chris since high school but I've been friends with Chris since middle school.
Chris has never been well-liked. In high school, I was pretty much his only friend. He's not a bad person per se but he has a lot of qualities that turn people off. A lot of those qualities stem from his manipulative parents and his bad upbringing. His morals are kinda wack, he doesn't take care of himself, is very overweight and has a poor relationship with food, freaks out over little things, and is absolutely horrible with stress and time management.
That being said, he doesn't have bad intentions and sometimes, he's pretty fun to be around. My boyfriend on the other hand is whip smart, organized, has his poo poo together, has many friends, and is super social justice-y. My boyfriend doesn't agree with anything Chris has to say and has looked down on him since high school. Back then, he regularly talked poo poo about Chris, made fun of him, and said that he doesn't deserve my pity. Although I agree that Chris does deserve half the bad stuff that happens to him since it's almost all caused by himself, I still remained friends with Chris since he does have positive qualities.
Chris goes to a smaller college that is not too far from the school me and my boyfriend go to. I try to hang out with Chris once a month since I've deduced that he doesn't have that many friends at his school. The other day, Chris came over to our school to hang out with me. My boyfriend usually avoids trying to see him when he comes but I made him tag along with me this time since he hasn't seen Chris in like almost a year. It did not go well to say the least. We were talking about college and academics and Chris said some pretty questionable stuff about people in his class. My boyfriend immediately got triggered and I could tell he was trying pretty hard not to say anything back. Finally, Chris said something that basically translated to him condoning cheating and my boyfriend low-key blew up at him. He went on a rant about how everything Chris said was wrong and listed a whole bunch of reasons. It was really awkward. Then my boyfriend said that he couldn't stand this conversation any longer and excused himself.
Sooo now Chris is convinced that my boyfriend hates him, which he does and has for a long time but it's something that I've kept from him. Chris is also extremely sensitive so he has been texting me non-stop asking if my bf hates him and what he thinks of him. So far I've just deflected the question and said that my boyfriend just doesn't agree with some things that you believe. I just got a call from him now, which I ignored, as I was typing this. I'm annoyed at both of them. I'm actually considering just cutting ties with Chris. I've tried helping him for almost ten years now and nothing has gone through.
How should I deal with Chris? Should I tell him the truth?
tl;dr: Boyfriend hates a friend of mine that we've known since high school. He recently came to hang out with us and my boyfriend blew up at him. My over-sensitive friend is now extremely upset and convinced that my boyfriend hates him. How do I even begin to deal with this?
open the relationship
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Sep 1, 2018 23:19
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- Midnight Voyager
- Jul 2, 2008
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Lipstick Apathy
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My boyfriend [19M] really hates one of my good friends [19M]. He berated said friend when we hung out the other day and now my friend is convinced that my boyfriend hates him. How do I [19F] even deal with this?
My boyfriend, who is also my best friend, and I have been dating for five years. We went to high school together and now we're going to the same college. My good friend, we'll call him Chris, also went to high school with us. My boyfriend has strongly disliked Chris since high school but I've been friends with Chris since middle school.
Chris has never been well-liked. In high school, I was pretty much his only friend. He's not a bad person per se but he has a lot of qualities that turn people off. A lot of those qualities stem from his manipulative parents and his bad upbringing. His morals are kinda wack, he doesn't take care of himself, is very overweight and has a poor relationship with food, freaks out over little things, and is absolutely horrible with stress and time management.
That being said, he doesn't have bad intentions and sometimes, he's pretty fun to be around. My boyfriend on the other hand is whip smart, organized, has his poo poo together, has many friends, and is super social justice-y. My boyfriend doesn't agree with anything Chris has to say and has looked down on him since high school. Back then, he regularly talked poo poo about Chris, made fun of him, and said that he doesn't deserve my pity. Although I agree that Chris does deserve half the bad stuff that happens to him since it's almost all caused by himself, I still remained friends with Chris since he does have positive qualities.
Chris goes to a smaller college that is not too far from the school me and my boyfriend go to. I try to hang out with Chris once a month since I've deduced that he doesn't have that many friends at his school. The other day, Chris came over to our school to hang out with me. My boyfriend usually avoids trying to see him when he comes but I made him tag along with me this time since he hasn't seen Chris in like almost a year. It did not go well to say the least. We were talking about college and academics and Chris said some pretty questionable stuff about people in his class. My boyfriend immediately got triggered and I could tell he was trying pretty hard not to say anything back. Finally, Chris said something that basically translated to him condoning cheating and my boyfriend low-key blew up at him. He went on a rant about how everything Chris said was wrong and listed a whole bunch of reasons. It was really awkward. Then my boyfriend said that he couldn't stand this conversation any longer and excused himself.
Sooo now Chris is convinced that my boyfriend hates him, which he does and has for a long time but it's something that I've kept from him. Chris is also extremely sensitive so he has been texting me non-stop asking if my bf hates him and what he thinks of him. So far I've just deflected the question and said that my boyfriend just doesn't agree with some things that you believe. I just got a call from him now, which I ignored, as I was typing this. I'm annoyed at both of them. I'm actually considering just cutting ties with Chris. I've tried helping him for almost ten years now and nothing has gone through.
How should I deal with Chris? Should I tell him the truth?
tl;dr: Boyfriend hates a friend of mine that we've known since high school. He recently came to hang out with us and my boyfriend blew up at him. My over-sensitive friend is now extremely upset and convinced that my boyfriend hates him. How do I even begin to deal with this?
I love the buried lede here, implying that Chris is saying fuckoff horrible poo poo. But somehow he's just "sensitive" and the boyfriend is the one "triggered."
If you point out that your boyfriend is into social justice and say your friend is triggering him, you're leaving open the possibility he's saying HORRIBLE poo poo. She dances so hard around saying what any of the questionable poo poo is! If the only one she can bring herself to mention is that he condones cheating, what's the poo poo she won't say??
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Sep 1, 2018 23:20
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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My (25M) girlfriend (25F) of 5 years is pushing for an open relationship while I am not comfortable with it
quote:
TL;DR GF wants to try an open relationship. I was on the fence. Did it behind my back. Will continue to sleep with the same guy despite me being visibly not okay with it
My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 5 years and have lived together for 3. Back in October we both purchased a house together as it just felt like the natural next step. We’ve always been comfortable with each other and have had no real issues until reticently.
One of my GF’s female colleagues mentioned that she is in an open relationship and began talking to me about it. Not specifying that she wanted to be in one but just talking about the concept. A few days later she says that she is “open” to the idea, so we have some initial conversations. The plan, or so I thought, was to talk about it while I was at work (I work out of town 2 weeks at a time) and then hash out a solid foundation when I’m back. I was fine with this plan although apprehensive about an open relationship. Still willing to have the conversations though
Anyways, the weekend rolls around and she has plans to go camping with some couple friends (A & B) that we have, whos wedding party we are both in. After thinking about it a little on my own I come to the conclusions that I’m on the fence about this whole thing, but again, still willing to talk through it to get a better understating. Due to work I forget about this and it just leaves my mind. She messages me before I come home saying that camping was good and that one of A’s friends came and joined them. Awesome, she had a great time!
I fly home and get a text saying that she’s anxious about having these conversations and I mention that I forgot about it and am game to talk out a set of rules. This is where she drops the bomb on me like I’m Hiroshima
A’s friend is someone I went to university with and he is a little on the crazy side and to my surprise is also in an open relationship with his own girlfriend. To make a long story short my GF ended up hooking up with him twice over the weekend because “he wanted me, exudes sex, and the universe gave me this opportunity”. This was a crushing blow to me. I cried for 2 days straight. Our sex life before this has become kind of stale and infrequent. I would try to initiate but her wanting to just isn’t there. Its been a struggle. She thought maybe it would light a new spark
Here is the kicker. Before I left for work I purchased a wedding, but due to logistical reasons wouldn’t be able to get it until this October. This was fine with me because I was planning on proposing then anyways. But now… now I have no clue what to think
She claims that this isn’t going to be a continuous thing but she is going out to the cottage with A & B again and it is likely that he will be there. She told me that if he is still in to her that she would hook up with him indefinitely. She knows that I am not okay with this and it is causing me a lot of anxiety
I don’t know if I’m looking for an answer of what to do or just want someone to listen. Any advice is good advice at this point I guess
Open the relationship!
What's that? She's already done it behind your back? That's cheating, OP, she's unrepentant so just . Possibly  because she sounds like a sociopath.
Edit: Here, have a twofer of manipulative sociopaths:
My(19F) boyfriend(19M) ‘jokingly’ broke up with me last night
quote:
We were having a conversation about how this guy at work asked me to go to the bar with him and I said “I don’t drink” instead of “I have a boyfriend” and how I should’ve just said I had a boyfriend because I sounded like I was still open to something else. I explained I don’t like to jump to that all the time unless someone is very upfront that they’re interested in me, like that because I don’t like to just be like “ i have a boyfriend” all the time for someone to turn around and make me sound stupid by saying “I wasn’t trying to get with you” or anything along those lines which has happened before. Anyway, so we debated and then out of nowhere he said “We’re breaking up, I’m serious, I just don’t want this anymore.” I asked why, slowly getting worked up and the first time he replied with “I don’t need this extra stress” Frantically, I’m asking now “What stress am I even giving you???!!” he hangs up, saying he’ll call me back. I’m already hurting and trying to figure out what’s going on and try calling back several times and he doesn’t answer, he finally calls me back 6 minutes later. I’m now asking him again what the problem is, now he’s telling me we’re too young. I’m livid and upset, yelling back at him, all the way worked up “What is this relationship stopping you from? I support everything you want to do and help you as much as possible. What does young have to do with it?” He just keeps telling me we’re young, blah blah and we go back and forth. I’m sobbing and my emotions are heavy, i assume to him the only reason he’d wanna break up because we’re young is because the only thing I’d be stopping him from his seeing or talking to other people, he denies it, we go back and forth again and finally he agrees. Keep in mind this whole conversation he was super calm and I’m heavily overwhelmed. Anyway- he agrees as i said, and now I’m angry and crying about how he’s just mad that this guy wanted to take me to a bar, and he wants to get back at me, he basically said he didn’t wanna deal with if i cheated on him, I got angry because although I’ve been talked to by other guys I’ve never initiated or allowed anything. I would never cheat. He told me pretty much he’d want to see other people and break up to avoid himself being cheated on or played and that it’d be fair since other guys talk to me. I said I can’t help that people wanna talk to me, I’m sorry that girls aren’t trying to get at you like that but that’s not my fault. It’s not like I let anyone advance. Also I just want to note here that I know that he hasn’t talked to anyone else and isn’t talking to anyone else****** Anyway, I just kept yelling into the phone and crying, and as I’m all worked up, heartbroken and all, this whole thing being dragged out for a half hour, he sends me a photo of himself smiling, eye creased and all, to me. With a ‘jk’ after that. I yelled at him that it wasn’t funny at all and that messing with my emotions and head isn’t funny, and then told him he probably really was trying to break up until I called him out on basically trying to get back at me and how stupid his reasoning was. We hung up and he continued to text me several messages: “You won’t chill, I’m kidding cool down you’re hot”
I replied “So you wanna break up with me and drag it for a half hour and then want me to chill ?????? Just like that???????”
Him: “What do you want me to do” “i can’t believe you thought I wanted to talk to other people why would I” “have i really been acting funny towards you lately to make you think id break up with you?”
“aw you love me goyabeanchild”
anyway, after I let him pick me up from my house, I was very upset still and he was super apologetic, however that didn’t help. I didn’t even want him to try and touch me or anything. I didn’t even want to talk, i wasn’t mad, i get it he claims he wasn’t serious but he just broke my heart for a half hour, that can’t be taken back. Okay great, we’re still together but even if that whole thing was “fake” the emotions that I felt were very real.
It’s the following day now, I still feel a little hurt inside and don’t think if he came around I’d wanna be close or speak too much. It’s just like, how can you hear how unsettled I was and be okay with that? He did this before at the beginning of our relationship and I told him not to again, it was a long time ago but still. Anyway this was just a vent, it’s been on my mind this morning.
TLDR; Boyfriend and I got into a stupid argument about a guy asking me out and I didn’t reject him the way my boyfriend would want me to. He breaks up with me, Im extremely upset by this and trying to pry into him figuring out why, he drags it for a half hour then finally sends a pic of himself smiling and texts me jk as we’re on the phone. I’m still upset and stirred by my feelings because of this even though he claims he wasn’t serious.
Absurd Alhazred fucked around with this message at 23:26 on Sep 1, 2018
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Sep 1, 2018 23:24
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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I mean, when I tell you that if you want to stay with me you need to cut off your pinky Im correct that us being together depends on me seeing you cut off your pinky in honorable silence, but if you dont want to stay with me youre going to have to show me why they call you the Dragon of Dojima
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Sep 1, 2018 23:36
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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LEAVE HER, HOW IS THIS NOT AN OPTION
Breaking up is abuse.
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Sep 1, 2018 23:37
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- tactlessbastard
- Feb 4, 2001
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Godspeed, post
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Fun Shoe
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My (25M) girlfriend (25F) of 5 years is pushing for an open relationship while I am not comfortable with it
That puddle in the back of the closet is your dignity. Try mopping it up.
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Sep 1, 2018 23:38
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- UZR IS BULLSHIT
- Jan 25, 2004
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My boyfriend [19M] really hates one of my good friends [19M]. He berated said friend when we hung out the other day and now my friend is convinced that my boyfriend hates him. How do I [19F] even deal with this?
My boyfriend, who is also my best friend, and I have been dating for five years. We went to high school together and now we're going to the same college. My good friend, we'll call him Chris, also went to high school with us. My boyfriend has strongly disliked Chris since high school but I've been friends with Chris since middle school.
Chris has never been well-liked. In high school, I was pretty much his only friend. He's not a bad person per se but he has a lot of qualities that turn people off. A lot of those qualities stem from his manipulative parents and his bad upbringing. His morals are kinda wack, he doesn't take care of himself, is very overweight and has a poor relationship with food, freaks out over little things, and is absolutely horrible with stress and time management.
That being said, he doesn't have bad intentions and sometimes, he's pretty fun to be around. My boyfriend on the other hand is whip smart, organized, has his poo poo together, has many friends, and is super social justice-y. My boyfriend doesn't agree with anything Chris has to say and has looked down on him since high school. Back then, he regularly talked poo poo about Chris, made fun of him, and said that he doesn't deserve my pity. Although I agree that Chris does deserve half the bad stuff that happens to him since it's almost all caused by himself, I still remained friends with Chris since he does have positive qualities.
Chris goes to a smaller college that is not too far from the school me and my boyfriend go to. I try to hang out with Chris once a month since I've deduced that he doesn't have that many friends at his school. The other day, Chris came over to our school to hang out with me. My boyfriend usually avoids trying to see him when he comes but I made him tag along with me this time since he hasn't seen Chris in like almost a year. It did not go well to say the least. We were talking about college and academics and Chris said some pretty questionable stuff about people in his class. My boyfriend immediately got triggered and I could tell he was trying pretty hard not to say anything back. Finally, Chris said something that basically translated to him condoning cheating and my boyfriend low-key blew up at him. He went on a rant about how everything Chris said was wrong and listed a whole bunch of reasons. It was really awkward. Then my boyfriend said that he couldn't stand this conversation any longer and excused himself.
Sooo now Chris is convinced that my boyfriend hates him, which he does and has for a long time but it's something that I've kept from him. Chris is also extremely sensitive so he has been texting me non-stop asking if my bf hates him and what he thinks of him. So far I've just deflected the question and said that my boyfriend just doesn't agree with some things that you believe. I just got a call from him now, which I ignored, as I was typing this. I'm annoyed at both of them. I'm actually considering just cutting ties with Chris. I've tried helping him for almost ten years now and nothing has gone through.
How should I deal with Chris? Should I tell him the truth?
tl;dr: Boyfriend hates a friend of mine that we've known since high school. He recently came to hang out with us and my boyfriend blew up at him. My over-sensitive friend is now extremely upset and convinced that my boyfriend hates him. How do I even begin to deal with this?
We need to know the BF's name, cuz it sounds like Chris is a piece of poo poo and BF deserves Pete level status
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Sep 1, 2018 23:41
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- Panfilo
- Aug 27, 2011
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Can't post for 12 days!
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Chris is probably some MRA MAGA hat wearing chud.
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Sep 1, 2018 23:54
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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Chris is probably some MRA MAGA hat wearing chud.
If she's using terms like "triggered" in this context, it's rubbing off on her. Honestly, I think the boyfriend should dump her, she's just bad news.
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Sep 2, 2018 00:06
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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According to my friend, who tells people she is asexual usually the first time she ever talks to them, you can find people attractive of either genders BUT you don't have the urge to gently caress them until you get to know them, that asexual people are attracted to personality and not physical things.
Because clearly all non asexual people can't help but need and want to gently caress everyone around them.
I am waiting for reddit to give me what I need now: an open relationship between asexuals. It has to be there, somewhere, right?
sherlock fanfiction
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Sep 2, 2018 00:37
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- Anne Whateley
- Feb 11, 2007
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 i like nice words
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The specific term for that is "demisexual" but they consider themselves on the asexual spectrum, which is why before I was like basically anyone is "on the asexual spectrum" if they want to see themselves there
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Sep 2, 2018 00:38
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- Smirking_Serpent
- Aug 27, 2009
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Is there any future for me [25F] and my professor [43M] as friends or more (friends, partners...sperm donor)?
I have been taking literature classes from Prof. M for about a year and a half. I think I've had a crush on him for just as long. Plot twist: I'm asexual, so I'm hoping this tried-and-true schoolgirl crush story might play out a bit differently. I'd love your thoughts.
The courses I take are undergraduate, but I am a non-traditional (graduated) student taking them mostly for personal enjoyment while I figure out if I'd like to pursue grad school. He hired me last summer to work on a script with him as an assistant and was the reference for my current office job. This summer, he asked if I would volunteer a few hours a week to help him prepare his notes for one of his summer classes. I am very glad to.
It's important to note that he has many students working/volunteering with him at all times. In this, then, I recognize that he is not giving me special treatment or trying to get closer to me or anything. He is just the sort of person who elevates those around him and I am NOT misinterpreting this as him being mutually interested at this point. I do not want to be like the dude who thinks the smiley waitress wants him--being kind and giving opportunities to students is part of his job, nothing more.
So, that sets the scene. I meet up with him a few hours every week and we chat about his notes and about life things, like work, vacations, etc. They are professional, but very relaxed meetings, and I enjoy them for socializing.
We have a lot in common. Of course I'm interested in his chosen field, but we're also quite awkward in a similar way, which I find adorable on him, and makes it easy for me to open up. We both find social situations difficult and against our nature, which we've laughed about, have the same quirk in that we both don't drive and thus walk everywhere...even his planned vacation is the vacation that I had been daydreaming of taking for months. He lives alone and is unmarried definitely, although I can't be 100% sure that he doesn't have a long-distance girlfriend or something.
So, being asexual, I am not interested in a traditional relationship. I don't want to kiss or be sexually intimate. When I imagine a perfect relationship, it's almost exactly like this: just hanging out, but with emotional intimacy. A platonic life-partner, if you will. I don't mind not living together, or if we do, let's have separate bedrooms!
It makes me sad to picture him not being in my life.
Here are my questions, but feel free to chime in on any aspect of the situation:
What would you see as the end result of an attempt at a continued friendship with him after our academic relationship ends? Something like suggesting we meet up once a week for coffee or something, just to talk? Weird and offputting? For example, we both love a particular type of sport that we can't do in our region and I would love to do it one day with him, but we'd have to fly there...
What would you see as the end result of an attempt at pursuing a "romantic" relationship with him after our academic relationship ends? How would I even go about that? Do you think it's too far-fetched? He is a successful, handsome (though maybe not traditionally) man with a PhD and I do not have much to offer (aka, I am not a hot arm-candy type and don't have advanced education, status, etc.).
Barring all of the above--as an asexual woman, I've always intended to use sperm donation as a means of becoming a mother one day, with or without a partner. I am particularly interested in a "known donor," so that my child can know their father, at least by name, and potentially have a relationship with them in a way that's more like an uncle. In a few years, do you think a request like this, done in writing so as not to expect a face-to-face reaction, with a packet of professional information, etc. would be flattering or insulting? If you are an educator--how would you react? Could you be friends with someone after a request like that if you decline? I have done a lot of research on how to ask a potential donor and please know that it would be done through genuine admiration and with an expectation of exactly nothing. No pressure.
Being a non-traditional student, and only intending to pursue any of the three options after we end our academic relationship, do you believe that his professional status would be in jeopardy if I attempted the above? I don't want to harm him.
Thanks if you read this far! I appreciate any insight!
tl;dr: I am an asexual woman who would like to either be friends or partners with my loner professor. Do you think either are remotely possible or is it just a daydream? If the latter, would it be insulting to ask him about being a "known sperm donor" for a potential child in the future?
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Sep 2, 2018 00:46
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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The specific term for that is "demisexual" but they consider themselves on the asexual spectrum, which is why before I was like basically anyone is "on the asexual spectrum" if they want to see themselves there
I always thought it was funny that there existed a "sexuality" that was basically progressive approved slut shaming.
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Sep 2, 2018 00:51
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- LadyPictureShow
- Nov 18, 2005
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Success!
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Is our (20F & 14F) dad (50M) going through his midlife crisis?
quote:
First, for context: My parents divorced when I was 4. He cheated on my mom with another woman who he later had another daughter with (the sister who I write this with).
About a couple years ago, we started noticing them having changed.
At some point, he stopped messaging or calling us, even on our birthdays he either forgets contacting us or does so very late in the evening. If we don't message him, we would probably no longer hear from him. Even if we text him or call him, his replies are always as short as possible, half of the time he doesn't reply at all.
I talked with our grandma (his mom) who he always had a great relationship with, as it turns out he doesn't contact her anymore either. And if she calls him he also only replies short and quick.
Another big thing is his... change in lifestyle...
In the matter of not even half a year, he and my stepmother/sister's mother got 5+ tattoos each. Cheesy quotes, wolves, a broken compass, poo poo like that, all done by a new friend who "taught himself" how to tattoo. They look horrendous. They both also got nipple piercings and genital piercings. I never needed to know that.
His longstanding friendships somehow broke off and now they have a new group of... heavy drinkers, gross mannish lesbians, people who do illegal stuff and end up in prison... it's all really weird. None of the illegal stuff is dangerous (that we know of) but it's still just weird, because my dad would never have used to hang out with people like this.
He has begun to vape constantly and is on an obsessive natural healing kick, he uses coconut oil for EVERYTHING and claims it has some sort of healing power for everything. They don't use any normal meds anymore, but use colloidal silver instead, and are always talking about "detoxing".
And to top it all off he turned into a facebook conspiracy theorist. He posts a lot of poo poo on there since this started, crap about "monogamy is modern slavery" has become normal but even worse are the constant "Anonymous" meme shares, "sheeple" need to wake up, reposts that say vaccines cause autism, artificial sweeteners are a pure deathbringer, natural health blog posts and other quackery... and he also decided that evolution is a hoax by now, he doesn't believe we "evolved out of mud or some monkeys".
Oh and he also talks in a weird way now. He seems to try and sound "cool" by throwing in a "yea man!" or "hella" every now and then, stuff like that...
We don't know what to make of this, we are sad because we honestly don't like this "new him" that much. It sounds horrible I know, but we kind of miss the old him... a dad who knew where he stood, who you could look up to and lean on if needed. Now he just seems... weird and disinterested...
Is that maybe his midlife crisis? Is there hope for this to pass?
TL;DR: Father suddenly doesn't care about family outside his wife anymore, became a homeo-naturopathic conspiracy-nut health guru, got a bunch of tats and piercings, entirely different social group. Younger sister and I don't know how to handle this.
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Sep 2, 2018 00:51
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Is there any future for me [25F] and my professor [43M] as friends or more (friends, partners...sperm donor)?
I have been taking literature classes from Prof. M for about a year and a half. I think I've had a crush on him for just as long. Plot twist: I'm asexual, so I'm hoping this tried-and-true schoolgirl crush story might play out a bit differently. I'd love your thoughts.
The courses I take are undergraduate, but I am a non-traditional (graduated) student taking them mostly for personal enjoyment while I figure out if I'd like to pursue grad school. He hired me last summer to work on a script with him as an assistant and was the reference for my current office job. This summer, he asked if I would volunteer a few hours a week to help him prepare his notes for one of his summer classes. I am very glad to.
It's important to note that he has many students working/volunteering with him at all times. In this, then, I recognize that he is not giving me special treatment or trying to get closer to me or anything. He is just the sort of person who elevates those around him and I am NOT misinterpreting this as him being mutually interested at this point. I do not want to be like the dude who thinks the smiley waitress wants him--being kind and giving opportunities to students is part of his job, nothing more.
So, that sets the scene. I meet up with him a few hours every week and we chat about his notes and about life things, like work, vacations, etc. They are professional, but very relaxed meetings, and I enjoy them for socializing.
We have a lot in common. Of course I'm interested in his chosen field, but we're also quite awkward in a similar way, which I find adorable on him, and makes it easy for me to open up. We both find social situations difficult and against our nature, which we've laughed about, have the same quirk in that we both don't drive and thus walk everywhere...even his planned vacation is the vacation that I had been daydreaming of taking for months. He lives alone and is unmarried definitely, although I can't be 100% sure that he doesn't have a long-distance girlfriend or something.
So, being asexual, I am not interested in a traditional relationship. I don't want to kiss or be sexually intimate. When I imagine a perfect relationship, it's almost exactly like this: just hanging out, but with emotional intimacy. A platonic life-partner, if you will. I don't mind not living together, or if we do, let's have separate bedrooms!
It makes me sad to picture him not being in my life.
Here are my questions, but feel free to chime in on any aspect of the situation:
What would you see as the end result of an attempt at a continued friendship with him after our academic relationship ends? Something like suggesting we meet up once a week for coffee or something, just to talk? Weird and offputting? For example, we both love a particular type of sport that we can't do in our region and I would love to do it one day with him, but we'd have to fly there...
What would you see as the end result of an attempt at pursuing a "romantic" relationship with him after our academic relationship ends? How would I even go about that? Do you think it's too far-fetched? He is a successful, handsome (though maybe not traditionally) man with a PhD and I do not have much to offer (aka, I am not a hot arm-candy type and don't have advanced education, status, etc.).
Barring all of the above--as an asexual woman, I've always intended to use sperm donation as a means of becoming a mother one day, with or without a partner. I am particularly interested in a "known donor," so that my child can know their father, at least by name, and potentially have a relationship with them in a way that's more like an uncle. In a few years, do you think a request like this, done in writing so as not to expect a face-to-face reaction, with a packet of professional information, etc. would be flattering or insulting? If you are an educator--how would you react? Could you be friends with someone after a request like that if you decline? I have done a lot of research on how to ask a potential donor and please know that it would be done through genuine admiration and with an expectation of exactly nothing. No pressure.
Being a non-traditional student, and only intending to pursue any of the three options after we end our academic relationship, do you believe that his professional status would be in jeopardy if I attempted the above? I don't want to harm him.
Thanks if you read this far! I appreciate any insight!
tl;dr: I am an asexual woman who would like to either be friends or partners with my loner professor. Do you think either are remotely possible or is it just a daydream? If the latter, would it be insulting to ask him about being a "known sperm donor" for a potential child in the future?
you're 25 and you're stupid
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Sep 2, 2018 01:03
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- Warbadger
- Jun 17, 2006
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you're 25 and you're stupid
I wonder what this relationship looks like from the professor's point of view. I get a bit of a creepy proto-stalker vibe from it.
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Sep 2, 2018 01:17
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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I wonder what this relationship looks like from the professor's point of view. I get a bit of a creepy proto-stalker vibe from it.
It's well into skin lampshade territory.
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Sep 2, 2018 01:23
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 06:27
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- Bored
- Jul 26, 2007
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Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.
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Is there any future for me [25F] and my professor [43M] as friends or more (friends, partners...sperm donor)?
I have been taking literature classes from Prof. M for about a year and a half. I think I've had a crush on him for just as long. Plot twist: I'm asexual, so I'm hoping this tried-and-true schoolgirl crush story might play out a bit differently. I'd love your thoughts.
The courses I take are undergraduate, but I am a non-traditional (graduated) student taking them mostly for personal enjoyment while I figure out if I'd like to pursue grad school. He hired me last summer to work on a script with him as an assistant and was the reference for my current office job. This summer, he asked if I would volunteer a few hours a week to help him prepare his notes for one of his summer classes. I am very glad to.
It's important to note that he has many students working/volunteering with him at all times. In this, then, I recognize that he is not giving me special treatment or trying to get closer to me or anything. He is just the sort of person who elevates those around him and I am NOT misinterpreting this as him being mutually interested at this point. I do not want to be like the dude who thinks the smiley waitress wants him--being kind and giving opportunities to students is part of his job, nothing more.
So, that sets the scene. I meet up with him a few hours every week and we chat about his notes and about life things, like work, vacations, etc. They are professional, but very relaxed meetings, and I enjoy them for socializing.
We have a lot in common. Of course I'm interested in his chosen field, but we're also quite awkward in a similar way, which I find adorable on him, and makes it easy for me to open up. We both find social situations difficult and against our nature, which we've laughed about, have the same quirk in that we both don't drive and thus walk everywhere...even his planned vacation is the vacation that I had been daydreaming of taking for months. He lives alone and is unmarried definitely, although I can't be 100% sure that he doesn't have a long-distance girlfriend or something.
So, being asexual, I am not interested in a traditional relationship. I don't want to kiss or be sexually intimate. When I imagine a perfect relationship, it's almost exactly like this: just hanging out, but with emotional intimacy. A platonic life-partner, if you will. I don't mind not living together, or if we do, let's have separate bedrooms!
It makes me sad to picture him not being in my life.
Here are my questions, but feel free to chime in on any aspect of the situation:
What would you see as the end result of an attempt at a continued friendship with him after our academic relationship ends? Something like suggesting we meet up once a week for coffee or something, just to talk? Weird and offputting? For example, we both love a particular type of sport that we can't do in our region and I would love to do it one day with him, but we'd have to fly there...
What would you see as the end result of an attempt at pursuing a "romantic" relationship with him after our academic relationship ends? How would I even go about that? Do you think it's too far-fetched? He is a successful, handsome (though maybe not traditionally) man with a PhD and I do not have much to offer (aka, I am not a hot arm-candy type and don't have advanced education, status, etc.).
Barring all of the above--as an asexual woman, I've always intended to use sperm donation as a means of becoming a mother one day, with or without a partner. I am particularly interested in a "known donor," so that my child can know their father, at least by name, and potentially have a relationship with them in a way that's more like an uncle. In a few years, do you think a request like this, done in writing so as not to expect a face-to-face reaction, with a packet of professional information, etc. would be flattering or insulting? If you are an educator--how would you react? Could you be friends with someone after a request like that if you decline? I have done a lot of research on how to ask a potential donor and please know that it would be done through genuine admiration and with an expectation of exactly nothing. No pressure.
Being a non-traditional student, and only intending to pursue any of the three options after we end our academic relationship, do you believe that his professional status would be in jeopardy if I attempted the above? I don't want to harm him.
Thanks if you read this far! I appreciate any insight!
tl;dr: I am an asexual woman who would like to either be friends or partners with my loner professor. Do you think either are remotely possible or is it just a daydream? If the latter, would it be insulting to ask him about being a "known sperm donor" for a potential child in the future?
Why is it so difficult for these people to just be non-creepy friends. Have they never had any friends. it sounds like she is just so stoked to have a friend that she is confusing the endorphins with romantic feelings and taking it in creepy new directions. I feel really bad for the professor.
Is our (20F & 14F) dad (50M) going through his midlife crisis?
Head injury? My neighbor used to be smart, according to her ex, but got into a car wreck. The doctors can't find anything wrong with her brain, but her personality changed dramatically and she believes in a lot of woowoo stuff and does lots of drugs now. Her ex had to divorce her for it since they have kids and she doesn't want the drugs and emotional instability around the kids.
Bored fucked around with this message at 01:39 on Sep 2, 2018
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Sep 2, 2018 01:29
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Sep 1, 2018 16:12
