/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Haifisch posted:

My Husband (22M) Settled For Me (F21)

Military marriages: Not even once.

"We got a house on base" is where the sled was pushed to start flying downhill.

Baronjutter posted:

Don't date fats, smokers, or military.

"My husband is perfect, except he has trouble keeping his military job because he keeps gaining weight. I thought smoking helps lose weight?"

CannonFodder fucked around with this message at 19:31 on Sep 15, 2018

# ? Sep 15, 2018 19:27

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 11:52

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Why would you deprive your cats of this buffet?

I find enough heads and butts on my porch as it is. Chipmunks, moles, mice, lizards and those weird adorable kangaroo rat things.

# ? Sep 15, 2018 19:27

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

[20F] Student Extremely Depressed and Codependent on Toxic Ex [21M] (Together 3.5 Years); Just Want to Talk and Vent (WARNING: LONG)

quote:

Hi Reddit

I�ve been with my HS sweetheart for 3.5 years, but we�ve been broken up for 14 months now. When we first began dating, I was the happiest I�d ever been�I�d just received a full scholarship to a top 20 university, grown closer to my friends over the semester, been climbing out of the depression that had deprived me of self-esteem and any aspirations all of my teen years, and was now dating a guy I perceived to be way out of my league.

A week after we became official, my ex showed a 180 shift in his personality. On the surface, he is very charismatic and friendly to everyone, but it became profoundly clear that he was not a relationship person. Once he becomes well-acquainted with someone, he relinquishes any effort he once put into the relationship. He began to respond to my messages with �brb� at best or direct his aggression from something off-topic towards me (he has a short, violent temper), even though I tended to his every comment. On the one hand, from the second month onward, he would tell his friends that he could see himself marrying me, but on the other, he became sexually and verbally abusive. I always put on a happy face, pretended certain things never happened, and responded with kindness no matter how much it broke me.

He loved me, and I knew he didn�t intend to hurt me, so I fought tooth and nail for him to treat me better. I have easily spent over 1,000 hours crying and obsessing over the details of this relationship (I never let on to him the extent of how bad things were because I know how unattractive that is). I would sometimes cry for hours straight only to feel immediate relief when he texted me hello. To distract myself at school (we are long distance half the year and see each other every two months), I became a straight-A student and signed up for every extracurricular and opportunity that came my way.

While my ex did grow to become a better boyfriend and the clingier of the two of us when we were apart, it was clear that the relationship was not a priority for him, that his temper would not fix itself overnight, that he would not avail his emotions just because we were in a relationship. He has been socialized this way; his parents live in the same house and do not speak to each other, and he grew up in a neighborhood rife with toxic masculinity. I, on the other hand, have no relationship with my parents and tend to drop the friends who care about me to chase the approval of those who don�t.

In 3.5 years, my ex has never called, Skyped, or flown to visit me. He's never initiated dates, done nice things just because, or celebrated my birthday or our anniversary. In 3.5 years, I have traveled 3 hours round trip to him hundreds of times (we live in the same state but quite a distance apart), while I can count the number of times he has met me halfway on one hand. I often paid for his food, surprised him with presents to show that I was thinking about him, became a shoulder to cry on, and a proverbial punching bag for anger he had nowhere else to let out.

Whenever I indicated that I was not happy with the relationship, he would say, �Yeah, maybe sometimes I�m not the best,� and proceed to harangue me about how it was my fault for overreacting and never communicating. I�d end up questioning myself, taking the blame, and vowing to make conscious efforts to speak up when something really bothered me. However, my attempts continued to be met with stolid response and aggression as a way for my ex to avoid feelings of culpability.

For example, I once made the long trip to his house and brought him food in the rain because he had not yet eaten. The store had made his drink a bit runny, and he complained about how rain must have gotten inside. I told him the drink had originally been that way, and he began to lecture me on how that couldn�t possibly be. When I asked what he meant, he grew furious. �What don�t you understand?!� He made a whole show of going on Google and hurled an obscenity at me. Whereas I would�ve once taken this with stride, I had spent the past few months making a list of what I could change about myself to improve our relationship, so to see evidence to the contrary so damning�I hid in his bathroom to cry. He got into a fight with his parents when they asked what was wrong, and we ended up traveling 1.5 hour to stay elsewhere. When I said with a nervous laugh, �I wish you didn�t have such a temper,� he told me I shouldn�t have asked a stupid question and that I if I didn�t want to deal with this, I didn�t have to (implying I should just leave him).

It wasn�t until after my ex had been letting unhappiness from other areas of his life (career mainly) seep into our relationship for two months (�good nights� had become rare, we wouldn�t see each other more than once every two weeks unless I initiated), I got the courage to break up with him in the midst of one of his public fits that left me crying, to no consolation, in front of dozens of people. I immediately regretted the breakup and tried to rekindle in a panic a few days later. My ex told me that he would like to get back with me eventually, but that he could not focus on improving his life with a relationship in the midst. This happened last summer, and he heavily implied that we would get back together the following spring (I spent winter abroad).

My ex continued to message me every day (and we hung out on school breaks ), but his correspondence was short, inconsistent, and sweet one day while unfeeling the next (he was still nice to me in person). It was intolerable. My ex has a much larger support system than I do, more hobbies, and heavier schoolwork, so he moved along much better than I. Everything that once kept me distracted I could no longer do�I lost all focus in my classes, was forced to quit all my extracurriculars, and no longer entertained the idea of pursuing certain hobbies. I fluctuated between hurt, anger, confusion, indignation, sorrow, etc. daily, crying through my classes and dreading the end of the school day, which freed up my mind to obsess over my predicament. I had trouble eating and would sometimes stay in bed for 12 hours after I�d woken up (I realize how pathetic this all sounds and kept on a strong front).

I knew it broke my ex�s heart for me to go abroad in January (he struggles with distance more than I do), so I did my best to fit him into my schedule when I first arrived. However, three weeks in, he suddenly declared that he felt bad for how he�d treated me all this time, told me I should have fun, and suggested we sleep with other people. After moping heavily over a week, my heart could no longer take it and I stopped responding to his messages. He continued to send them every day, begging for me back from March into April. I stood my ground, especially after learning that he had started hooking up with other girls, and I casually started dating someone in February as a bit of a distraction. I made it very clear to this guy that I was not looking for anything, never let him pay for me (even though he still did it behind my back), didn�t even sleep with him. It bothered me that someone I barely knew could treat me with the level of respect I had been trying to earn from my ex for almost three years. While I very much liked the guy, I felt like without the naivete of my pre-ex self, I could not develop an attachment. Of course, the minimal contact I maintained with my ex brought me back to square one (although we were separated this summer).

Unbeknownst to me, the whole time he was begging for me back, my ex was mainly seeing one girl and leaving her on edge as to whether they would get together. I knew they hung out and had slept with each other once, but my heart broke when I discovered it was almost a full-blown relationship (though in true Ex fashion, he only gave her time when it was convenient, told me he had no initial interest in her, that their conversations lacked substance, and that he couldn�t remember how their relationship had developed). He had told the girl in June too that he could not commit to her, but she only cut off contact after he blew up at her for sneakily hanging out with his friend behind his back. That he felt jealous enough to care hurts. Last month, he told me he was still stressed about school, had too much on his mind, and could not commit to me, though he was no longer interested in hooking up and wanted to get back with me eventually (presumably after I graduate in December and close the distance). Less than four weeks ago, he told me he loved me.

I have thought about the mess above to some degree every day for the past three months. Whereas I dwell on the events from the past year as if they happened just yesterday, to my ex they're ancient history because he has so much else on his plate. Back at school now, I have resumed life as a barely functioning zombie who cries intermittently for hours a day and receives terrible grades. Most days, I wake up, stomach knotted, afraid that today is the day he will tell me that his feelings have faded after all the stress I've put him through (we got to see each other fewer than ten times this year) or that he has fallen in love with someone (better than me). I am so afraid of losing him and the progress I have gone through hell to make.

I am capable of rational thought and completely realize how ridiculous this all sounds as well as what the right course of action is, yet I cannot imagine a life without my ex. It makes it all the harder knowing that he will prosper either way. He is much smarter than I am (overloading on masters level math/CS courses as an undergrad at an Ivy), more fit, more extroverted (he makes friends of everyone regardless of whether he is actually interested), and every girl he talks to falls in love with him, whereas I no longer have anyone close to me in my life and little desire to kindle friendships. I would never have entertained this drama years ago when I was depressed, but ever since escaping the funk, I�ve demanded more from every aspect of my life, and as a result, I can�t get accept the fact that this relationship has failed. I have considered going on antidepressants and entertained the idea of moving after graduation, but I have not provisioned for it so it would be a few years before I could do that. As it stands, the self I knew from ages 12 through 16 is gone, and the past few years have been hell on earth. At 20, I have no friends (aside from a few male friends with ulterior motives) or family to turn, no idea now of who I am and how to move forward.

TLDR: Was in toxic relationship with a charming guy who had abusive tendencies for >2 years, have been in contact for the past year. With no support system, sense of identity, or self-esteem left, I have no idea how to move forward.

# ? Sep 15, 2018 19:41

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

LadyPictureShow posted:

[20F] Student Extremely Depressed and Codependent on Toxic Ex [21M] (Together 3.5 Years); Just Want to Talk and Vent (WARNING: LONG)

Talk about sunk cost fallacy (what got me through that post)

# ? Sep 15, 2018 20:56

moosetoucher: Jul 11, 2017; heck. heckin heck.

Hey guys, I have BPD and the way people talk about people with BPD here is really poo poo sometimes. That's all.

# ? Sep 15, 2018 21:19

Miserable Maid: Apr 22, 2010; Cat Army

moosetoucher posted:

Hey guys, I have BPD and the way people talk about people with BPD here is really poo poo sometimes. That's all.

I know it's annoying, but BPD is much like Autism, as most people know it from lovely people using it as an excuse to be a total rear end in a top hat. It's a terrible bias, but understandable. A very vocal minority

# ? Sep 15, 2018 21:33

endlessmonotony: Nov 4, 2009; by Fritz the Horse

Miserable Maid posted:

I know it's annoying, but BPD is much like Autism, as most people know it from lovely people using it as an excuse to be a total rear end in a top hat. It's a terrible bias, but understandable. A very vocal minority

That's not actually a good reason to talk about an entire group of people like they don't deserve human rights. You don't exactly get a choice whether you have Autism/BPD or not.

# ? Sep 15, 2018 21:54

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

endlessmonotony posted:

That's not actually a good reason to talk about an entire group of people like they don't deserve human rights. You don't exactly get a choice whether you have Autism/BPD or not.

drat dog, they're just saying they shouldn't be dated, not rounding them up and putting them in camps

# ? Sep 15, 2018 21:57

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

the UN has roundly rejected proposals to recognize a human right to my dilz

# ? Sep 15, 2018 22:11

moosetoucher: Jul 11, 2017; heck. heckin heck.

Miserable Maid posted:

I know it's annoying, but BPD is much like Autism, as most people know it from lovely people using it as an excuse to be a total rear end in a top hat. It's a terrible bias, but understandable. A very vocal minority

Thank you. People still say a lot of lovely things about BPD here though.

tactlessbastard posted:

drat dog, they're just saying they shouldn't be dated, not rounding them up and putting them in camps

# ? Sep 15, 2018 22:11

moosetoucher: Jul 11, 2017; heck. heckin heck.

endlessmonotony posted:

That's not actually a good reason to talk about an entire group of people like they don't deserve human rights. You don't exactly get a choice whether you have Autism/BPD or not.

This goon gets it

# ? Sep 15, 2018 22:13

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

moosetoucher posted:

Thank you. People still say a lot of lovely things about BPD here though.

Don't touch mooses! Mooses are angry, angry creatures. Like hippos. Don't touch hippos!

Boyfriend (30M) is slowly becoming more and more possessive of me (28F) because of the sudden influx of cheating wives in his immediate circle of friends

quote:

We have been dating about 6 months now. He is in the army and I live about 15 minutes away from a military base. I was initially attracted to him because of his uniform and career. I have always thought a man in uniform is attractive! And I'm sure many other people do. But I have gotten to know him slowly and I really enjoy being with him. We have amazing romantic moments together. He is always respectful towards me, sometimes even borderline cautious about treating me perfectly and like a princess.

This past month however, some things have been very bad for him and his closest circle of friends. One of his best friend's wife recently just got pregnant with another man's child. Then another close friend finally decided to divorce his wife because she had been cheating on him repeatedly. And another guy on base (not his friend but someone he did know personally) was arrested for apparently beating his wife and the partner she was caught with. So these 3 things within a month's span.

I have noticed him acting more and more possessive of me and making remarks about cheating, fidelity, etc. He has made comments about me not wearing tight clothes to work so I obliged him on that and bought looser fitting slack-type pants. He joked that he wishes I'd wear a potato sack to work. We were also supposed to go to a Halloween party tonight with some of his friends but because of the divorce thing, this party was canceled and he said something like, I guess it's all for the best because I wouldn't have let you out of the house wearing that costume anyway. ("Sexy" flight attendant costume)

Okay, those aren't all that horrible. It was somewhat in jest for both of us. But he has been doing this thing where he'll ask me "you think he's cute?" to some random guy or a celebrity or something. At first I answered no every time, but later, I'd answer "oh yeah, he's sooo hot" as a joke. And then he'd get irritated with me. And then I'd do my thing and flirt with him and joke with him and he'd get over it. But one time, we did this "joke" and he took it too far and kept asking me, so you'd gently caress him? You'd let him gently caress you? You think it's funny? I was really not expecting him to get actually mad at me like that. We were both in the joke to begin with, it's not like I started it.

I talked to him about all this and he says he just feels a bit disillusioned and paranoid after all the things that happened this month to his friends. I assured him that our relationship is strong and there's nothing to worry about.

But as for me, is there something to worry about? Will this pass? Or is this something more serious? I just kind of wonder these days.

TLDR: Boyfriend's close friends have had marital problems related to infidelity in the last month. Now he is acting more jealous and possessive towards me. He admits it's because of what happened to his friends. Do I need to be worried? Or will this eventually pass?

# ? Sep 15, 2018 22:20

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

My Imaginary GF posted:

Don't touch mooses! Mooses are angry, angry creatures. Like hippos. Don't touch hippos!

Boyfriend (30M) is slowly becoming more and more possessive of me (28F) because of the sudden influx of cheating wives in his immediate circle of friends

Never marry military.

# ? Sep 15, 2018 22:23

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Yeah, what's with people here claiming all BPD sufferers derail threads to complain about their perceived slights? That's just not true.

My Imaginary GF posted:

Boyfriend (30M) is slowly becoming more and more possessive of me (28F) because of the sudden influx of cheating wives in his immediate circle of friends

Or... is he becoming more possessive of you because he's cheating?

Drunk Nerds fucked around with this message at 22:33 on Sep 15, 2018

# ? Sep 15, 2018 22:30

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

she needs to get the gently caress out of there immediately

# ? Sep 15, 2018 22:32

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

Drunk Nerds posted:

Yeah, what's with people here claiming all BPD sufferers derail threads to complain about their perceived slights? That's just not true.

Or... is he becoming more possessive of you because he's cheating?

It doesn�t really matter. The only thing that matters is, �I�d have never let you out of the house...� Unless he was playfully tickling you when he said it, and you were both laughing and knew it was just some pre-hump horseplay, that�s breakup time.

# ? Sep 15, 2018 22:40

moosetoucher: Jul 11, 2017; heck. heckin heck.

YeahTubaMike posted:

she needs to get the gently caress out of there immediately

She needs to :sever:

# ? Sep 15, 2018 22:51

moosetoucher: Jul 11, 2017; heck. heckin heck.

Drunk Nerds posted:

Yeah, what's with people here claiming all BPD sufferers derail threads to complain about their perceived slights? That's just not true.

Lol weak

# ? Sep 15, 2018 22:54

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Never marry military.

My parents were married when Dad was in the Navy. They were married for 53 years. OTOH my sister's marriage to a guy in the Air Force was a disaster. YMMV, I guess.

# ? Sep 15, 2018 23:05

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

Khazar-khum posted:

My parents were married when Dad was in the Navy. They were married for 53 years. OTOH my sister's marriage to a guy in the Air Force was a disaster. YMMV, I guess.

they said military not navy

# ? Sep 15, 2018 23:06

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

lol but seriously I posted:

they said military not navy

Look on the bright side: at least it's not cost guard

# ? Sep 15, 2018 23:11

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

My husband (25m) plans to quit to be a stay at home dad/game designer or a minister as soon as I (24f) finish school.

quote:

We have a 1.5 year old son.

I�m an engineer and I want to go into robotics/designing prosthetic robotic limbs for amputees type thing. I�m super excited for it!

My husband has no real ambition in life except towards religion and video games. I�m not totally against the religious thing, but I myself am agnostic. If nothing else it�d be spiritually stimulating for him if he ended up going to seminary or something. But video games...totally different story.

So when I first got out of high school I went directly into �game design� with Full Sail Uni. I quickly realized I like to PLAY games more than I like to MAKE games. It�s like writing a book. Everyone says they want to write a book, but not many people actually WANT to WRITE a book. They just want a book that has their name on it. It would be rad to have my own video game, but it�s WAY too much effort to learn all the skills, apply all the skills, then potentially fail at actually selling the game.

My husband is a �full time gamer�. He is actually pretty prominent in his gaming community, doing online tournaments and whatnot. We have all the different consoles (N64/GameCube/Xbox/PS4/etc.) and +300 games. We do not own a PC and he knows nothing about PCs.

He plans to quit his job as soon as I get a job and become a stay at home dad/�game designer�. I tell him he should dabble a little in programming/graphic design before he gets too excited, because I know he�s going to hate to program. I play with HTML every so often, and he thinks it�s way too tedious. He thinks he can just buy a big pricy PC, download Unity, and make a game. He doesn�t realize the length it�ll take to make a functioning game. Or how likely he is to fail. He has big ideas for his games that he plans to do all on his own and plans to make one within 6 months and have it on the market by then.

I love him, I want to support him. I�m okay with him being a stay at home dad while I support us! I�m okay with buying the computer and financing his hobby. HOWEVER - I think this is going to end up being a huge waste of his time and he�s going to end up disappointed. When I talk about this with him, he just says �I love video games so much it�ll make game design easy�. But...I know this man. He will not end up making any substantial games. He�s going to end up frustrated and disappointed.

His backup plan is to �open a church� but...I don�t think that�s going to work either. I�m vocally agnostic. Our very religious community KNOWS I�m not religious. We live in the American south where there�s 3 churches for every 1 McDonald�s, and there�s a McDonald�s every few miles.

I don�t think people are going to take him seriously as a minister. His home is �unequally yolked� - people have talked to us about this before. It�s a problem that I�m not religious.

In the end, I�m honestly just worried he�s going to sit on his butt and play video games the whole time I�m at work. I�m not totally against taking the butt-end of the working stick. I have a passion for what I�m doing, he doesn�t really have any passions. However I don�t think he should be useless to society. He can�t just sit on the couch all day.

The thing is, I was majorly depressed for a couple years and I basically slept on the couch the entirety of those years. I didn�t work, I didn�t clean. I was entirely dependent on me. Arguably, he was enabling my laziness by doing everything for me. If I wanted food he�d say �don�t worry about it! I�ll make it, you just lay down� or if I didn�t want to go to a social event, he�d pretend he was sick to get us out of going.

I was a leech on our relationship. Eventually, much to his surprise, I planned my own counseling appointment and got help. I�m much better now. But it�s like the tables are turning. He wants to be a lazy leech, but I don�t want to enable that. I want him to be ALIVE.

Idk if this even makes sense. I�m kinda overwhelmed because we just had an argument about this. He insists he�ll love game design because he loves games. But just because I love to eat doesn�t mean I love to cook, nor does it mean my meals will taste good.

He doesn�t get it.

Tl;dr- gamer husband wants to be a game designer and quit his day job as soon as I can provide for us financially. Early in our relationship he enabled me to be a lazy boob. Now I feel like he wants me to enable his laziness, but I don�t want to. What do I do?

Yeah they're unequally yoked all right.

# ? Sep 15, 2018 23:47

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

My Imaginary GF posted:

Don't touch mooses! Mooses are angry, angry creatures. Like hippos. Don't touch hippos!

Boyfriend (30M) is slowly becoming more and more possessive of me (28F) because of the sudden influx of cheating wives in his immediate circle of friends

Boyfriend cheating so what.

quote:

He is always respectful towards me, sometimes even borderline cautious about treating me perfectly and like a princess.

# ? Sep 15, 2018 23:49

Saeku: Sep 22, 2010

quote:

So when I first got out of high school I went directly into “game design” with Full Sail Uni.

Oh honey, no...

Surprised she came out of that and decided that she and her dude weren't suited for game design and not that game school is bullshit

# ? Sep 16, 2018 00:28

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

La Brea Carpet posted:

My husband (25m) plans to quit to be a stay at home dad/game designer or a minister as soon as I (24f) finish school.

Yeah they're unequally yoked all right.

Hahaha this is a pro read all the way through.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 00:55

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

My Imaginary GF posted:

Don't touch mooses! Mooses are angry, angry creatures. Like hippos. Don't touch hippos!

Boyfriend (30M) is slowly becoming more and more possessive of me (28F) because of the sudden influx of cheating wives in his immediate circle of friends

She needs to leave him because this kind of insecurity means the end of a relationship, but to be fair, I don't think he's necessarily cheating or a garbage monster for the insecurity itself

Honestly, unless you've been in the military, it's really difficult to describe how prevalent the infidelity thing is, there, along with the constant reinforcement of "Jodie is banging your girlfriend right now, idiot."

It's still not right to be paranoid or constantly on edge like that, but you're being disingenuous if you're gonna insist that you have a trust in your girlfriend so ironclad that your coworkers constantly telling you she's cheating on you while everyone else's wives cheat on them wouldn't make you at least somewhat wary of this stuff

(I got around this by just refusing to have any relationship longer than a month while in the military, a choice that I made which was 100% my choice and not because that's how long it took women to get tired of me, and which continues now due to, uh, a witch's curse)

# ? Sep 16, 2018 01:29

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

almightyerin posted:

I find enough heads and butts on my porch as it is. Chipmunks, moles, mice, lizards and those weird adorable kangaroo rat things.

That wouldn't happen if you kept them inside.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 01:29

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

La Brea Carpet posted:

My husband (25m) plans to quit to be a stay at home dad/game designer or a minister as soon as I (24f) finish school.

Yeah they're unequally yoked all right.

Your husband is a ditz, and you�re right to be concerned, but just maybe your patronization and obvious lack of faith and respect are part of the problem. Husband describes his dreams. �I don�t mind financing his little hobby while he stays home with the babies. Anyway, I know him, and he�s not capable of actually achieving anything. I love him!�

# ? Sep 16, 2018 02:20

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Can I sue my boyfriend for fake rent that he took from me?

My boyfriend and I moved into a house together a year ago. My boyfriend told me to deposit $1k/month for rent into an account for our "landlord." Turns out his parents own the house and they haven't been charging either of us rent. Turns out he has been saving this money to give to me as a gift later (I've seen a bank statement.) He will not give me the money right now because he says I'll take it and leave him. During the last year, my boyfriend has helped me out a couple times financially and he says he can just keep all the money, although he's probably spent about $1k on me, not the full $13k. I know I probably hosed up by sending the money directly into the account. Is there a way to legally get that money back?

Update

I figured this merited an update:

I told my ex boyfriend I was moving out with or without the money and he told me that if I left him, he could keep the "gift" for himself. I told him whatever and called his mother and told her I was leaving. She asked why and I told her the whole story. She asked me to give her a few minutes and then she would get back to me. I heard her call my ex in the other room and could hear her yelling at him through the phone. She called me back and told me to take pictures of the rooms. I sent them to her and she gave me the all clear over text. She also sent me an apology for my ex's behavior. I left and thought that was that. A few days later, I got a check in the mail for $15k from my ex's mom! Not exactly justice (because the original money was indeed probably gone), but I walked away feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 02:22

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

La Brea Carpet posted:

My husband (25m) plans to quit to be a stay at home dad/game designer or a minister as soon as I (24f) finish school.

Yeah they're unequally yoked all right.

God, I wish I could be a full time dad. Knock a chick up 5 or 6 times, have lots of babies to raise and a home to take care of.

Unfortunately, being a full time dad makes ya a 'pussy' in the eyes of many folk

# ? Sep 16, 2018 02:32

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

They're quasi-feral. They were born and grew up in the woods around my house. I bring them in when it gets super cold but they don't like it one bit. They absolutely will not use a litter box, preferring to piss on my stove and countertops and they terrorize my two strictly indoor cats. They DID live in my barn but a tree took it out last winter.

We have a disgustingly bad feral cat problem around here. Packs of wild dogs too. People either can't afford, are too ignorant, or just plain don't care to neuter their animals here. Our "low-cost" programs are a joke and we have no animal control. The town did away with it because it was "too expensive". It's lovely.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 02:37

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Can I sue my boyfriend for fake rent that he took from me?

My boyfriend and I moved into a house together a year ago. My boyfriend told me to deposit $1k/month for rent into an account for our "landlord." Turns out his parents own the house and they haven't been charging either of us rent. Turns out he has been saving this money to give to me as a gift later (I've seen a bank statement.) He will not give me the money right now because he says I'll take it and leave him. During the last year, my boyfriend has helped me out a couple times financially and he says he can just keep all the money, although he's probably spent about $1k on me, not the full $13k. I know I probably hosed up by sending the money directly into the account. Is there a way to legally get that money back?

Update

I figured this merited an update:

I told my ex boyfriend I was moving out with or without the money and he told me that if I left him, he could keep the "gift" for himself. I told him whatever and called his mother and told her I was leaving. She asked why and I told her the whole story. She asked me to give her a few minutes and then she would get back to me. I heard her call my ex in the other room and could hear her yelling at him through the phone. She called me back and told me to take pictures of the rooms. I sent them to her and she gave me the all clear over text. She also sent me an apology for my ex's behavior. I left and thought that was that. A few days later, I got a check in the mail for $15k from my ex's mom! Not exactly justice (because the original money was indeed probably gone), but I walked away feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

This is a good update. Glad she got the money one way or another.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 02:50

spookykid: Apr 28, 2006; I am an awkward fellow
after all

I went from this post

My Imaginary GF posted:

God, I wish I could be a full time dad. Knock a chick up 5 or 6 times, have lots of babies to raise and a home to take care of.

To this post

almightyerin posted:

They're quasi-feral. They were born and grew up in the woods around my house. I bring them in when it gets super cold but they don't like it one bit. They absolutely will not use a litter box, preferring to piss on my stove and countertops and they terrorize my two strictly indoor cats. They DID live in my barn but a tree took it out last winter.

I was very confused for several moments.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 03:02

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

quote:

Dear Prudence,

I have always tried to be a kind person. However, I have lived my adult life in a way many people would disapprove of. During the last 11 years I have been a mistress of five married men. One had a long string of previous affairs. One was a friend for whom I had much tenderness and who told me he would rather have had me. One was a three-year relationship that caused deep feelings and deep distress. I do not regret these or the other adventures. I have not been the initiator of the affairs; the men have pursued me. Apart from one, I would not have wanted to live with these men. I do not know any of the five wives, and I am discreet. When people discuss adultery, the cheater and the other woman are often spoken of harshly as deceivers and egoists. I have never felt like either, and have never felt guilty. Is it possible the rest of the world has a limited emotional imagination and cannot see that such affairs are meetings between two people who don�t want to hurt innocent partners, but who choose to explore their intimacy and chemistry in secret? Or have I somehow become morally crippled since I can so easily do something most people would chastise me for?

�The Other Woman

# ? Sep 16, 2018 03:31

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

What�s the response?!?

# ? Sep 16, 2018 03:37

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

quote:

Dear Other,

Give the rest of the world more credit. Most people�s emotional imagination is able to grasp that affairs are precisely about delivering the kick of clandestine intimacy and chemistry. That they exist in a nether world of pure sex, without all the domestic thrill kills of bills, groceries, kids, and mortgages. Of course it�s silly to say there�s only one way to live and everyone should settle down to a monogamous relationship. (I don�t have to tell you, since your lovers are all people who vowed to do just that and then found it lacking.) But you sound proud of your furtive life�you�ll never be the deluded wife who doesn�t know that the real secret to her devoted marriage is that her husband has a girlfriend. Sure, you can say you were never the initiator. But at least acknowledge how much you enjoy the pursuit, how well-versed you are in sending signals you�re available. You�ve ruminated here about your choices, so I suggest you examine why you so easily have slipped into the role of other woman. Maybe you are afraid of being in a sustained, open relationship. Maybe you�ve become addicted to the narcotic of the illicit. Maybe you like the safety of knowing the affair is bound to end. Imagine that you are writing to me five years from now, and you�ve concluded affair No. 7, or 8. Perhaps in that time you will have started seeing these interludes as not so much tender and deep but tawdry and dishonorable. There are women who spend their whole lives as the other woman�until perhaps they realize that while men are still pursuing, they�re no longer pursuing them. If this is not a place you want to end up, take a long break from this role. Decide not to exchange those glances, or stop at just one drink, and see how it feels to create a different kind of life.

�Prudie

Not as vicious as you'd hope.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 03:38

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Haifisch posted:

Not as vicious as you'd hope.

drat. You�re right. It wasn�t exactly nice either? but I would�ve preferred scathing condemnation to the mildly disapproving �everyone gets old...� stuff.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 03:42

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

If the writer was real, obviously she was expecting to be screamed at. It's not like she doesn't know that's most people's opinion. So because she was expecting it, it would've been easy for her to tune it out. This at least had a small chance of getting through.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 03:46

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Well, absolutely. It�s how I would�ve responded if that were my job and pretty well done. But it�s less fun to read!

# ? Sep 16, 2018 03:49

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# ? May 31, 2024 11:52

Grape Juice Vampire: Aug 1, 2009

I work on a military base with primarily military wives and the Zaurg divorce gif flashes through my mind daily.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 03:54

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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