Weird Shit For Sale: It's My Pleasure to offer you My Services

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Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Infant Meats, made with 100% real infants.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 02:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 22:43

flavor.flv: Apr 18, 2008; I got a letter from the government the other day
opened it, read it
it said they was bitches

For sale: Hulk Hogan baby meat shoes, little poo poo came out vegan

# ? Sep 16, 2018 02:33

empty sea: Jul 17, 2011; gonna saddle my seahorse and float out to the sunset

Veterinary hospitals would snag that poo poo in a second. Lots of sick dogs will eat baby food and only baby food for some drat reason. Oh, this delicious looking chicken your owner brought that's making me want to shove it in my own mouth? Nah.

I once saw a half-dead cat go from totally flat out to straight upright like Dracula to scarf the gently caress out of some chick fil a nuggets. I was like, same dude. Same.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 03:33

monolithburger: Sep 7, 2011

Bobby Digital posted:

https://twitter.com/desijed/status/1040399624974950407?s=21

Do you need a place to (moustache) ride out storm?

# ? Sep 16, 2018 05:01

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Jacksonville is one of those places. I used to know a guy from there. A manic depressive ex-military police burnout furry.

# ? Sep 16, 2018 09:32

Aesop Poprock: Oct 21, 2008; Grimey Drawer

RandomFerret posted:

For sale: Hulk Hogan baby meat shoes, little poo poo came out vegan

lol

# ? Sep 16, 2018 09:50

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Nice car, bro

# ? Sep 17, 2018 02:47

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

Scathach posted:

Nice car, bro

Can he command that kind of price? His face isn't all that much to look at.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 03:57

Former DILF: Jul 13, 2017

Yea but you can tell from the listing that he�s got junk in that trunk

# ? Sep 17, 2018 07:33

jojoinnit: Dec 13, 2010; Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

Scathach posted:

Nice car, bro

I like the visual effect of the guy behind looking like his reflection went ahead and threw on a shirt.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 09:46

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Maybe he's trying to sneakily sell dude in the background.

# ? Sep 17, 2018 16:44

Aesop Poprock: Oct 21, 2008; Grimey Drawer

jojoinnit posted:

I like the visual effect of the guy behind looking like his reflection went ahead and threw on a shirt.

My brain didn�t even register that it wasn�t a mirror at first despite that

# ? Sep 17, 2018 17:20

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Aesop Poprock posted:

My brain didn�t even register that it wasn�t a mirror at first despite that

Spot the six differences

# ? Sep 18, 2018 00:05

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

incidentally $3000 is also just about what it costs to get the oil changed in a fuckin crossfire. shirt-wearing reflection ghost would be a much better value for your commute

# ? Sep 19, 2018 02:59

Goober Peas: Jun 30, 2007; Check out my 'Vette, bro

sweeperbravo posted:

Spot the six differences

Goofus and Gallant

:colbert:

# ? Sep 20, 2018 00:43

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

Seem like a good deal?

# ? Sep 20, 2018 23:14

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

BBQ placement seems...reasonable.

# ? Sep 21, 2018 06:14

Bees on Wheat: Jul 18, 2007; I've never been happy

QUAIL DIVISION; Buglord

This starts off kind of funny, then gets really, really sad. I hope her office has a good HR department. :smith:

# ? Sep 22, 2018 01:45

felch me daddy jr.: Oct 30, 2009

I think that's the first time I've seen a woman use the phrase "a male". Usually it's the other way around. Glad to see society becoming more equal.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite (or Request): Coldly Compiled Lists > Weird Craigslist Ads: 1 man who is masculine, manly, has muscles

# ? Sep 22, 2018 02:25

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

Hey, and if she dumps her no-good bf it might go further!

# ? Sep 22, 2018 05:52

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Scathach posted:

BBQ placement seems...reasonable.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite (or Request): Coldly Compiled Lists > Weird Craigslist Ads: barbecue pit on the roof so nobody won't steal my meat

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:45

monolithburger: Sep 7, 2011

Scathach posted:

BBQ placement seems...reasonable.

It's the Hulk Hogan Meat Shoe of buses.

# ? Sep 26, 2018 08:20

Metal Ray Sunshine: Jun 16, 2009; Muta's Mating Dance Rates a 5 on the Muta Scale

Me and a coworker were looking randomly at how much apartments were going for in Los Angeles and came across this listing. Most likely a parody but csnt be too sure because its LA

https://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/roo/d/42500-monthly-couch-welcome/6707725137.html

Too long to do a screenshot

# ? Sep 27, 2018 11:21

Dixville: Nov 4, 2008; I don't think!; Ham Wrangler

Metal Ray Sunshine posted:

Me and a coworker were looking randomly at how much apartments were going for in Los Angeles and came across this listing. Most likely a parody but csnt be too sure because its LA

https://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/roo/d/42500-monthly-couch-welcome/6707725137.html

Too long to do a screenshot

I dunno, doesn't seem intentionally funny enough to be a parody. I think it's real. I copied the text for posterity:

Mario posted:

425 / 425ft2 - $425.00 Monthly: Couch - Welcome to Hollywood !!!(4444 Lockwood Ave.) hide this posting

425ft2 available sep 30

apartment
street parking
no private bath
room not private

Location: 4444 Lockwood Ave., Los Angeles, CA, 90029.

Closest intersection: Santa Monica Bl/Vermont Ave. near MTA Metro Station and Los Angeles, City college.

FUTURE ROOMMATES: The following approaches from potential roommates/candidates do not work: 1. Cash in hand. 2. Girl offers a mind-boggling blow job. It's not about money or a great blow job: Getting the right roommate is very important. Both, you and I (Future roommates) need to understand that being a roommate is not only about money. It's about sharing resources and financially surviving in this big city called Los Angeles. I want to call it economic survival with dignity !!!! Everyone benefits/everyone pays their agreed share of the expenses, in the end everyone is happy !!!

NOTE: The setup can be described as apartment share/or room share. Sofa/Couch: The size of a full-size bed: No need to be sleeping in your car !!!

PREFERENCE:. Female roommate needed since 2 female roommates are there; they are more comfortable in having an additional female roommate only. I hope this makes it comfortable for a future female roommate.

p.s.: IMPORTANT: Let's help each other financially. IMPORTANT: Ex-roommates are welcome to inquire about this CL advertisement; you have an equal opportunity in being my roommate again.

Important note: For one (1, uno, un, unu, um/uma) occupant only described in this CL ad only.

A male and a female are in the apartment already. Two persons with their own bed stay in the living room. Each person in the living has his/her own bed/personal area/storage area. I cannot bring more than the one person advertised in this ad. I stay in the bedroom.

Your monthly contribution includes the following: Rent and electricity. Courtesy on the house: WiFi access for 1 device only. Location: 4450 Lockwood Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90029. Less than 1/2 a block away from Los Angeles City College and MTA Metro Station, you can actually see it from the building. Closest intersection: Santa Monica/Vermont. Close to Downtown Los Angeles, Hollywood, The Grove. Please keep in mind that this is an ideal home environment/setting for a student or a working person who is serious about having a busy and productive lifestyle while enjoying the good things life has to offer. Perfect for making your dreams and goals a reality. IMPORTANT: Ladies, please understand that you will have a male roommate who practices and believes in equality between men and women and/or sexual preference. If you are a lesbian, you are welcome to view the place also; no discrimination based on sexual preference. I am very familiar with having female/women roommates. In the past, some of my female roommates felt very comfortable in front of me by walking topless in my room with their beaver exposed. Sharing my living space with women is one way of sharing my feminine qualities with the ladies.

Roommate selection process: 1. We meet on Vermont/Sunset MTA Station. 2. Immediately: If we both feel comfortable and compatible as future roommates we will walk to the apartment for you to view it.
Important also: Ideal for someone without a car or if you do not mind waiting for a parking spot on the street/parking a little far away from the apartment building patiently. PRIORITY: Please keep in mind the following: If we do not get along after a certain time and you are asked to move out with a 30-day notice, please do so without any hard feelings.

STOP looking for your new home, you found it already, let's meet !!! Also, stop asking for pictures. there is nothing like seeing the REAL poo poo with your eyes.

EVERYONE: No visitors. Please meet with family or friends at a nice restaurant/bar nearby. Please
understand that I do not plan to make a bar, motel/brothel out of our humble dwelling. No temporary stays of your prince/princess/queen: No day/night visits. No overnight stays.
God bless us !!!

LADIES: Please let your boyfriend or girlfriend know that you are moving in to live with a male roommate. Also, I do not smell like Victoria's Secret. I do not have any homosexual tendencies. I have gay friends; unfortunately, ladies, if you are looking for a homosexual/gay or bisexual roommate, I'm not it. Please DO NOT forget: I'm a male. Since I'm a male, please be respectful by not flashing your breasts and big nipples in my presence if we happen to be in the bedroom at the same time. Don't do this intentionally, please ladies !!!

This is a legitimate CL ad. Thanks for viewing this CL ad: My apologies, if you do not receive a response from me, it's because of the many replies that I receive related to this CL ad. It's impossible to respond to all the requests/replies to the CL ad. Again, thank you, good luck in the room/roommate search, God bless us all in our financial survival in this big city.

Please provide the following: Daily routine: Work/School. Work/School schedule. Likely daily schedule: Possible bedtime/wake-up time. Pastime/Hobbies if any. Are you a pig, anal or average clean? Cooking: Organized and cleaning after cooking is done or leave a pigsty after cooking? Light or heavy cooking? PLEASE show some effort as I did above in describing yourself. Thank you.

Dwelling Rules:
a) No slamming doors/windows, specially at night. b) No smoking allowed: Cigarettes/Marijuana. c)Do not leave dirty dishes inside the sink: You share it with other roommates. d) Your personal area: That's what it is, you will keep your belongings in that specific assigned area. You will not take over the surrounding space/area. e) Be polite and respectful towards your roommates. f) No loitering: Please do not have visitors sitting on the stairs/hallways/apartment entrance, etc.... waiting for you. I dislike saying: "Excuse me..." every time I have to walk through a staircase because an airhead/dummy is sitting there. g) PLEASE: Do not have visitors coming to knock on the apartment door looking for you. Please use a cell/mobile phone to contact you. Your roommates will not serve as messengers/couriers for you. h) Cooking: No later than 10:00 p.m./Stops at 10:00 p.m. i) Kitchen sink: For cooking/dishes only: No laundry, washing shoes, personal items in this sink. Laundry at laundromat only. Annoying: No personal hygiene items in the kitchen area sink, kitchen counter, shelves, etc... Leave personal hygiene items in your personal area or in your assigned area in the restroom. j) MOVING OUT: If you are asked to move out, you will be given a 30-day notice. Please be flexible, don't feel rejected, it's tough, that's life. Sometimes people don't click, it's better to get away from each other. Don't get your feelings hurt with a 30-day notice. This is part of the agreement and responsibility in being roommates.

Can you handle the rules above? If the answer is a big "YES !!!" You are ready to be a roommate at this location. Thank you !!!

SUPER IMPORTANT: You did not contribute in the process of obtaining the apartment. Please let's solve our differences constructively. Don't try to claim the right to have free rent before moving out. If I select you to move in, it's because I want to share my home with you. You will only pay a fraction of the total monthly expenses for the apartment.

Thank you for reading this CL ad, I wish you good luck in the search for your new home/great roommate. Again, thank you, good luck, great day !!!

p.s.: 1. I am unable to respond to all the requests I receive. Please don't get your feelings hurt if you do NOT hear from me. I still have a lot of love for you, even if you don't hear from me. 2. Ladies: Please, let's be civil. A lady was offering me a blow job to convince me to let her move in; sorry, I need to get to know you first before we get physically close to each other. Please don't do this ladies. Example: I like to chew the rug endlessly like a newborn puppie; however, I won't do it without getting to know you or without getting acquainted before any activity takes place.Thank you.

Thank you, Mario.

God bless us !!!

# ? Sep 27, 2018 11:44

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

please be respectful by not flashing your breasts and big nipples in my presence

# ? Sep 27, 2018 13:04

RoboRodent: Sep 19, 2012

That's a lot of rules to stay on some guy's couch in a shared room. Visitors aren't allowed to knock on the door, really?

# ? Sep 27, 2018 16:34

there wolf: Jan 11, 2015; by Fluffdaddy

I get the feeling the rest of Mario's roommates don't know about this add.

# ? Sep 27, 2018 17:00

Blue Moonlight: Apr 28, 2005; Bitter and Sarcastic

What was the thread where the OP detailed his roommate building a new room in their living room without talking to their landlord or any of the other roommates about it? I get the impression this is the roommate�s ad.

Hell, the OP was even staying in some capitalist nightmare where he was subletting a couch because there were a bazillion people in a single apartment already.

# ? Sep 27, 2018 17:11

Goober Peas: Jun 30, 2007; Check out my 'Vette, bro

Mario's had a few too many mushrooms

# ? Sep 27, 2018 17:49

there wolf: Jan 11, 2015; by Fluffdaddy

Blue Moonlight posted:

What was the thread where the OP detailed his roommate building a new room in their living room without talking to their landlord or any of the other roommates about it? I get the impression this is the roommate�s ad.

Hell, the OP was even staying in some capitalist nightmare where he was subletting a couch because there were a bazillion people in a single apartment already.

In the goldmine of course. I have to give it to that guy, at least he made a separate room for his illegal sublet scheme instead of insisting how important it was for everyone in the dormitory section of the apartment to keep to their designated space.

# ? Sep 27, 2018 17:50

Aesop Poprock: Oct 21, 2008; Grimey Drawer

I�ve known people who have lived under similar circumstances when they were moving out to LA or SF broke so it didn�t read that weird until he just randomly says �women feel comfortable enough to walk around with their beavers out�

# ? Sep 29, 2018 14:35