/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

PetraCore posted:

I'm sorry your friends are uncomfortable with telling you they love you.

EDIT: for real tho i'm interested in those letters

Didn't make it home tho. died in Egypt 1941.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:31

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# ? May 29, 2024 15:45

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Pick posted:

but the reality is, you loving nerds, you loving did this. edgy fucks took the emotions away and now they're gone.

Well I paid attention to the signs and realised we had passed peak emotion a decade ago. I've been hoarding emotions ever since. With my vast emotion supply I am sure to thrive in this post-emotion wasteland.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:37

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Blade Runner posted:

I really dislike romance stories in novels, and kinda always have. It always ended up feeling really unnatural in YA books when I was a kid, and even as an adult reading grown adult books, a lot of the romance plots feel really forced when they come up. I generally prefer stories without a romantic element.

I agree with this but have always put it up to the fact that I almost exclusively read genre fiction written by and for stunted manchildren

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:41

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

Edgar Allan Pwned posted:

i have some questions.

does anyone have recommendations for good romance novels? do men like romance novels? i have a hard time seeing men indulging in emotional fantasy, i guess except for drawn ponies with vaginas

also is it ok to sexually fantasize about people you know in real life? do people imagine people they know or celebrities or is it made up?

The song of solomon is a pretty good romance novel

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:42

Simply Simon: Nov 6, 2010; 📡scanning🛰️ for good game 🎮design🦔🦔🦔

I read a bunch of Piers Anthony novels as a teen and I always kinda enjoyed that he doesn't shy away from eventually having a romantic pairing and arc for basically all of his characters, with a wide array of relationships portrayed from a demon who's married to a super normal-rear end guy and she gives him monster orgasms to make him zone out in bliss for weeks on end, over a hero who finds true love in a Normal Woman who changes looks and personality over the course of a month (get it) to a pedophile who

wait gently caress

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:48

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; Can't post for 29 days!

Aaron Burr hosed his daughter.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:52

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Edgar Allan Pwned posted:

i have some questions.

does anyone have recommendations for good romance novels? do men like romance novels? i have a hard time seeing men indulging in emotional fantasy, i guess except for drawn ponies with vaginas

also is it ok to sexually fantasize about people you know in real life? do people imagine people they know or celebrities or is it made up?

Ok serious answer: the Aubrey-Maturin series. Filled to the gills with strong feelings.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:53

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

My (25F) seemingly perfect husband (28M) was rubbing it out to his ex, soliciting prostitutes the whole time we were celebrating our second wedding anniversary. Totally blindsided. What are my next steps?

quote:

u/saltedpinecone
Husband and I have been together for six years, living together for four and married for two. Things have been consistently good the whole time - mutual goals, we spend lots of time together and talk about everything, regular sex... I honestly thought I knew him in and out and that we were perfect for each other. Every day he tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful he thinks I am and every day I think how lucky I am to have him.

Last weekend was our second wedding anniversary. We took a few extra days off to go on a road trip and honestly the whole weekend was a blast. Nothing seemed off. Last night after he went to bed I was cleaning and found a pair of worn panties behind the couch. They are definitely not mine or any of my friends or family�s and no one else has access to our house. Neither of us use each other�s phones often but aren�t overly protective about them. I�ve never had the slightest urge to snoop before but last night I wound up checking his browser history and my heart sank.

First I found a poo poo ton of porn which doesn�t bother me, everyone needs to rub one out now and then. But all of it was... mature brunette ladies which I am not. Not a huge deal.

Sandwiched between all the porn was a TON of searches of his ex. Some on revenge porn sites. I don�t imagine he took a break from jerking off to look for her out of curiosity. She is mature and a brunette.

The last thing I found was looking up escort services in the cities we were road tripping through. The only profiles he clicked on were mature brunettes. From the looks of his phone history he called at least one.

This was all from the last week. 6/7 days we�ve been together the whole time. Sleeping beside each other. And with each other. I�m so blindsided by this. I haven�t seen him since I found this out, he�s left on a fishing trip with his dad until Sunday night (I know this is true because I heard him and his dad talking about it). So he has no idea I know. I seriously thought we were great together but this is hosed. I don�t think there�s anything in the world that could ever let me look him in the eyes the same. Even if nothing physical happened which I doubt... I couldn�t do it. I will never feel like I�m sexually enough for him again.

So what the hell are my next steps? I truly never thought I�d be in this position. So far I have:

Took a pic of the history on my phone.

Wrote break up letter. Maybe not to give to him but for my own mental clarity.

Have appointment with doctor and lawyer next week.

Any advice or anecdotes are so appreciated. Our whole lives are enmeshed together. I don�t know what his reaction will be when I confront him. He�s not violent but I don�t know how he�ll react. I am heartbroken.

TL;DR found out husband was rubbing it out his ex, looking for prostitutes while on a road trip with me. Mysterious panties found. Haven�t confronted him yet. Totally blindsided. Where do I go from here?

Well at least he�s consistent

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:56

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

oh also just kidding, they lived together in Little Windovers until passing away in 1983 and 1987. everything was fine.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:56

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

Drugs, nuts or both?

My (27M) wife (27F) left me.

quote:

u/AnsheShem
Two months ago, my wife left me. She had been acting a little weird for a couple months or so before that, spending a lot of time away from the house, but I thought she was working on her career.

We were married for 3 years and have a 2 year old son.

She told me she left me for someone else, so I filed for divorce. Turns out she had some kind of mental break? I still do not know the details of that, as I do not believe anything she says and the mental health facility would not give me any information. But supposedly she did not have an extra-marital relationship.

On Tuesday I bought her a cell phone since she lost hers, as well as groceries and ordered a replacement pair of glasses. I was the provider, so she has essentially no money. When I dropped her off, she cried, apologized for everything, and said she would do whatever it takes to put our lives back together. I was non-committal, but hopeful.

We had a court date 2 days later, on Thursday. She did not show up. I temporarily received full custody, and she gets supervised visitation 3 days a month.

Yesterday, she made several posts on Facebook, 2 selfies with captions and a video. The selfies were captioned "At boo's house, hope he had a good day at work, #LOVE #initforlife" etc etc. The video was of her at a grocery store with another man, in which she referred to them having sex the day before, when we were supposed to be in court.

I don't really have a question, and I won't be contacting her unless it is about her scheduled visitation. I just don't understand how she can turn into a completely different person over a couple months. Was she always this person and just hid it? Did she change drastically over such a short period of time? We had ups and downs in our marriage, but she has always been a devoted mother. Now she can't even bother showing up to a custody hearing?

I left a lot out, but that is the gist of it. I am just struggling so much. I don't understand how she can move on so fast. It really hurts.

TL:DR My wife left me and I am struggling emotionally, while she has already moved on.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 20:59

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Milotic posted:

My (25F) seemingly perfect husband (28M) was rubbing it out to his ex, soliciting prostitutes the whole time we were celebrating our second wedding anniversary. Totally blindsided. What are my next steps?

Well at least he�s consistent

I like that the panties are described as mysterious. No, I can�t really explain why. Nor can I really justify having had to use the term twice in one day.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 21:00

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

Is my [31M] girlfriend [28F] lying to me about her snapchat?

quote:

u/Cajin
I found a guy on my girlfriends best friends (yellow heart) list on snapchat. She claims before we got back together, which was 4 weeks ago that she snapped him a lot over a few months. That was fine, but according to the emoji definitions on quora this is someone who has been your most snapped and snap back within 7 days. She claims she hasn't snapped him in over 3 weeks. Is it possible to not message someone in a long time and still have them as your best friend on snapchat or am I getting lied to?

tl;dr girlfriend claiming she hasn't messaged a dude on snapchat in a over 3 weeks but technological algorithm says otherwise.

This sounds like a bunch of tamagotchi or neopets poo poo.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 21:17

Miserable Maid: Apr 22, 2010; Cat Army

Romance novels are Garbage, they're always really rapey and lack any real "romance"

Honestly more gross then porn most of the time

# ? Sep 22, 2018 21:21

Edgar Allan Pwned: Apr 4, 2011; Quoth the Raven "I love the power glove. It's so bad..."

Pick posted:

Didn't make it home tho. died in Egypt 1941.

i mean, i feel like war is an ok time to write love letters as far as acceptable masculinity goes.

i would prefer contemporary or futuristic romances, but letters are rare even now and i wonder if tindr is going to be reflected in future romance novels.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 21:23

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

I think I'll try writing a romance novel. That seems like something that would be fun to do.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 21:25

Zil: Jun 4, 2011; Satanically Summoned Citrus

Pick posted:

I dunno if it's loving up a whole generation, I've yet to see one of these yet where a sister is stealing her brother's underwear to sniff.

It exists, have seen it.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 21:32

Freudian: Mar 23, 2011

Zil posted:

It exists, have seen it.

Did you give them back afterwards

# ? Sep 22, 2018 21:34

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

MI: Legality of using an instagram model's pics for Tinder and putting my PayPal to get free money?

quote:

Thinking about making a tinder, using a lesser known instagram model's pictures (or something like that) and putting my PayPal in the description. Goal is to get money. But is it legal?

# ? Sep 22, 2018 21:52

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

I [32F] need to tell my husband [33M] that my BIL [30M] kissed me

quote:

Last night my husband and I were supposed to go to a family dinner at his parents' house, but he wasn't feeling well and had to work early this morning and decided not to go. I am close with my MIL and SIL so he encouraged me to go without him.Nothing weird or out of the ordinary happened at the dinner party. I just chatted with family and had a nice time. Eventually my ILs wanted to go to bed and my SIL was leaving so I got up to leave. My BIL offered to drive me home (our car has been unreliable lately so I ubered there). I've always found him little awkward but nothing bad about him and he is my husband's brother so I figured it was fine.

We just chatted in the car home. It wasn't flirty or anything. I was talking to him just like I talk to a friend. He parks outside my house and then yells "wait" as I'm getting out of the car. He starts telling me that he's been in love with me for years and he asks me to leave my husband. I tell him no and go to get out of the car, but he grabs my face and kisses me. I tried to pull my head away but couldn't because he was holding it and I just froze. When he let go I jumped out of the car and booked it into the house.

My husband left for work before I woke up this morning so I haven't seen him but I need to tell him what happened. His brother is blowing up my phone about our "amazing night." I don't know what to do. I keep trying to figure out how this could have happened and what I did to lead him on. I feel like trash like I cheated on my husband. How do I tell him? What can I say?

tl;dr my BIL confessed his love for me and kissed me and I have to tell my husband

ETA if this is assault, how do I move forward with my husband's family?

Edit: I just talked to my husband and he told me that this isn't the first time my BIL has done this. Apparently in high school he was infatuated with a series of women and was sent to therapy for it. My husband cried when I told him and he said he didn't realize it was still an issue or he would have warned me. He is going to talk to his parents about it (brother still lives with them and they basically still take care of him). Depending on how they react, he is leaving it up to me to decide how to proceed. Any advice on how to maintain a relationship with his family while staying the gently caress away from his brother?

# ? Sep 22, 2018 22:28

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

La Brea Carpet posted:

I [32F] need to tell my husband [33M] that my BIL [30M] kissed me

Oh, yeah, it totally makes sense that serial obsession with women would just disappear later in life, it totally makes sense not to warn your wife about it. :rolleyes:

# ? Sep 22, 2018 22:30

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Oh, yeah, it totally makes sense that serial obsession with women would just disappear later in life, it totally makes sense not to warn your wife about it.

It happened in high school, and the brother went to therapy. He got treatment. No one thought it "disappeared." After fifteen years, it would be pretty reasonable to think it's no longer an issue.

This does not apply if we learn in the comments that the brother kept doing this poo poo, and everyone knew it.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 22:48

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

Pick posted:

Didn't make it home tho. died in Egypt 1941.

ralph ate a bullet in the desert because he was busy writing fruity letters instead of ducking

meanwhile men with the emotional range of a cinderblock spent the war collecting severed ears and then went home and had 27 children each

# ? Sep 22, 2018 23:19

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

loquacius posted:

I agree with this but have always put it up to the fact that I almost exclusively read genre fiction written by and for stunted manchildren

Sarah Zettel, Julie Czerneda, and Lois McMaster Bujold all write SF with a strong Romantic bent. Bujold is the best of the three by a wide margin; but she's tied with Ursula LeGuin for Hugo awards so she's ahead of just about everyone. Czerneda writes series and Zettel is most prone to standalone novels, although she did an excellent portal fantasy trilogy.

I'd recommend Bujold's Shards of Honor or Zettel's Fool's War as starting places/

There, excellent genre fiction for non-stunted manchildren.

# ? Sep 22, 2018 23:20

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

i recommend katie waitman's "The Merrow Tree" for anyone who wants a big sci-fi story where the overarching conflict is not a war, and where the main character fucks a snake and gets a veneral disease (but not from the snake)

# ? Sep 22, 2018 23:23

Freudian: Mar 23, 2011

Pick posted:

i recommend katie waitman's "The Merrow Tree" for anyone who wants a big sci-fi story where the overarching conflict is not a war, and where the main character fucks a snake and gets a veneral disease (but not from the snake)

Do you have any recommendations for books where the snake does have a venereal disease?

# ? Sep 22, 2018 23:34

Reince Penis: Nov 15, 2007; by R. Guyovich

Freudian posted:

Do you have any recommendations for books where the snake does have a venereal disease?

Yeah, The Bible! :rimshot:

# ? Sep 22, 2018 23:38

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Milotic posted:

Is my [31M] girlfriend [28F] lying to me about her snapchat?

*withers into dust and blows away*

# ? Sep 22, 2018 23:39

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

A TV talk show �surprised� me with free surgery/services after I shared my cancer story on their show. They haven�t delivered on any of their promises.
u/promisesdashed

quote:

Edit: I am going to be making a full post, including details/link to my episode, on another sub later today. Thank you all for your advice. Feel free to PM me if you have anything to share, since the thread is now locked.

The show was in CA. I live in the south.

A year ago, I appeared on a national TV show to tell my story after aggressive cancer resulted in numerous surgeries that have been disfiguring and cause constant discomfort.

For a little context and maybe to help underscore my disappointment, it might be helpful to add that I am young, have almost no family, and cannot work. I can't afford the surgeries I need, so I was really excited to be on the show.

I had a flight paid for and was put up in a hotel, but had to pay for all travel Ubers, including to/from the studio.

My journey and photos were documented on the episode. At the conclusion of my segment, the hosts had three surprises for me. I don�t want to quote the show/risk not being anonymous, but in the aired episode, it is explicit that these are all offered free of charge.

FREE RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY - it was outlined on the show just what I needed

FREE SPECIALIST TREATMENT

A SERIES OF FREE COUNSELING SESSIONS

In the year following the show, I have received only ONE thing:

The show booked me a flight to/from Las Vegas to meet with a specialist. Knowing I have significant upper respiratory problems, they booked me a room in a smoking casino hotel. When I expressed concern about this, I was told to "try not to breathe in the smoke." I had to pay for all my expenses, including my Uber to/from the airport and to/from the office (45 mins each way), which put my bank account in the negative for two months. The show made me wait 16 hours at the airport because my flight out was delayed and they didn't want to put me up in a hotel for another night. I had to go to the hospital as soon as I got home, because I had already developed infections. The specialist�s office has been non-responsive since.

I have not received anything further. No surgery, no treatments, no counseling. I have emailed the show's coordinator multiple times, and each time am told to sit tight, but nothing happens.

I'm not sure if I have a case here. If I have legal options, what kind of lawyer would I consult, and would they charge me upfront?

Edit: I signed papers for the giveaway, but wasn�t given a copy. I don�t have a copy of the contract I signed to appear on the show.

TL;DR Went on a tv talk show to talk about how cancer has disfigured me. Was promised lots of free services. It's been a year and I have received nothing. Do I have any options?

# ? Sep 22, 2018 23:46

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Pick posted:

oh also it's pretty telling to read, like, civil-war-era and even ww1/ww2 era letters between spouses/lovers/etc versus the coldass poo poo we spout off now

like i could scan a bunch i have from some of my collections and you'd be like "lol gay" or "lol feelings gay"

but the reality is, you loving nerds, you loving did this. edgy fucks took the emotions away and now they're gone. all we got in return was amazon, the company, not the forest. the forest is still dying ("lol gay")

In the future we won't need feelings

# ? Sep 22, 2018 23:52

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Freudian posted:

Do you have any recommendations for books where the snake does have a venereal disease?

I finished The Company of Glass a few weeks back and one of the characters gets jerked off by literal snakes and hosed in the rear end by snakes and it turns him into a member of the snake clan, so if you definition of disease extends to cultural identity then maybe that's one for you.

# ? Sep 23, 2018 00:13

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

dudeness posted:

I finished The Company of Glass a few weeks back and one of the characters gets jerked off by literal snakes and hosed in the rear end by snakes and it turns him into a member of the snake clan, so if you definition of disease extends to cultural identity then maybe that's one for you.

welp

# ? Sep 23, 2018 00:25

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

dudeness posted:

I finished The Company of Glass a few weeks back and one of the characters gets jerked off by literal snakes and hosed in the rear end by snakes and it turns him into a member of the snake clan, so if you definition of disease extends to cultural identity then maybe that's one for you.

Oh, yeah, I remember that Flash Tub episode.

# ? Sep 23, 2018 00:26

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I'm guessing that was written by a woman because holy hell our erotica is something else. men just slappo some big ol titties on something and write "and they hosed and her titties were all boibobobobobobobobing all over the place!" and meanwhile erotica for women starts off with a 500 year history of both families before finally arriving at the place where someone has sex with the centipede prince after , just , hours of agonizing foreplay

# ? Sep 23, 2018 00:31

Sorority Fister: Aug 7, 2018; by Nyc_Tattoo

Pick posted:

I'm guessing that was written by a woman because holy hell our erotica is something else. men just slappo some big ol titties on something and write "and they hosed and her titties were all boibobobobobobobobing all over the place!" and meanwhile erotica for women starts off with a 500 year history of both families before finally arriving at the place where someone has sex with the centipede prince after , just , hours of agonizing foreplay

I wish I was under your desk with my face in your general crotch area while you rip long nasty farts...your labia just getting blown around all gracefully like the wings of a swimming stingary

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Sep 23, 2018 00:34

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

Pick posted:

I'm guessing that was written by a woman because holy hell our erotica is something else. men just slappo some big ol titties on something and write "and they hosed and her titties were all boibobobobobobobobing all over the place!" and meanwhile erotica for women starts off with a 500 year history of both families before finally arriving at the place where someone has sex with the centipede prince after , just , hours of agonizing foreplay

Also just, like, pounds of opium if the author is Ana�s Nin.

# ? Sep 23, 2018 00:34

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Sorority Fister posted:

I wish I was under your desk with my face in your general crotch area while you rip long nasty farts...your labia just getting blown around all gracefully like the wings of a swimming stingary

Please don't James Joyce Shame

# ? Sep 23, 2018 01:01

sticksy: May 26, 2004; Nap Ghost

Sorority Fister posted:

I wish I was under your desk with my face in your general crotch area while you rip long nasty farts...your labia just getting blown around all gracefully like the wings of a swimming stingary

Keep going

# ? Sep 23, 2018 02:04

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

It came from Dear Prudence:

quote:

Q. Very hairy name: My wife and I are a month away from having our first child, a boy. My wife is very close to her grandfather, who is currently suffering from end-stage terminal cancer. To honor his memory, she wants to name our son after him. Unfortunately, this name is also shared by a very well-known male porn star (with crossover appeal, who has appeared in nonpornographic films and TV shows). In other words, when a future employer plugs my son�s name into a search engine, he will be greeted with reams of videos from the 1980s featuring a very endowed, very hairy adult-film star. My wife is innocent as can be, so she is unaware that our son would share this name. Do I let her in on it? Just let it go and hope this guy�s popularity will have dwindled by the time he is grown so that it�s not a problem?

A: I�d be a little surprised if this guy were still a household name by the time your as-yet-unborn son is applying for work�he�s very much of a particular time and place�but if you think it�d be difficult for you to keep from giggling at your own son�s name, I think it�s worth talking to your wife about. Stress how relatively well-known this particular guy is and that it�s not a stretch to assume at least some people will primarily associate this actor with that name, and suggest your son�s middle name honor his grandfather while his first name is something else.

# ? Sep 23, 2018 02:36

Turtlicious: Sep 17, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

oh my god someone please tell me the name.

# ? Sep 23, 2018 02:52

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# ? May 29, 2024 15:45

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

mllaneza posted:

Sarah Zettel, Julie Czerneda, and Lois McMaster Bujold all write SF with a strong Romantic bent. Bujold is the best of the three by a wide margin; but she's tied with Ursula LeGuin for Hugo awards so she's ahead of just about everyone. Czerneda writes series and Zettel is most prone to standalone novels, although she did an excellent portal fantasy trilogy.

I'd recommend Bujold's Shards of Honor or Zettel's Fool's War as starting places/

There, excellent genre fiction for non-stunted manchildren.

I mean I wasn't exactly trying to say "man I wish my books had more romance in them" with that post but I appreciate the recs and have consulted Goodreads accordingly :tipshat:

e: that said I dunno about the "not for manchildren" thing since these summaries look p trashy but the last thing I read was the Hyperion Cantos so I don't exactly have a problem with that

Turtlicious posted:

oh my god someone please tell me the name.

I mean it's pretty obviously Ron Jeremy

loquacius fucked around with this message at 02:59 on Sep 23, 2018

# ? Sep 23, 2018 02:54

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