A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Anyone really attempting, or worse, volunteering to place themselves in a position of total power over another human should be viewed with the deepest of suspicion, at least with biological parents there's a good chance you were an accident

Turtlicious posted:

well gently caress.

Baronjutter posted:

I know this was a couple pages ago but I nearly could have written this post. My wife is Russian and when she first moved here this was exactly her experience. I thought my friends were all lovely and great, but there's some sort of culture-clash with how friends interact. To go from eastern europe where friends will actually care about each other and the term "friend" really means something, to then end up on the west coast where "friends" are a bunch of flakes who just talk about pop-culture and some in-jokes, was jarring for her. I remember I took her to a BBQ with a larger extended group of friends, it was her first week here, and her experience was awful. No one talked to her, no one welcomed her to Canada, no one asked about her life or what it's like moving to a new country. Everyone sat in their little cliques having the same shallow conversations, mostly bragging about exotic trips and purchases, or gossiping about other people. Her first year was extremely rough, but I ended up realizing a lot of my "friends" were fairly insufferable hipster yuppies and barely acquaintances at best. As a couple we made new friends, and became a lot closer with the good people already in my life.

It's really hard moving to a new country where you don't know anyone, and this poor woman probably gets constant jokes behind her back (or right in front of her) about being a mail order bride. My wife has a god drat masters degree but rich local hipsters with a BA in communications would constantly talk down to her and assume she was just some dumb russian peasant. I 100% understand what this poor woman is going through, and husband better be working hard to make her feel comfortable and welcome and making it extremely clear to his good old buddies that they should be doing the same thing or they can gently caress off. If it's been a year and she wants to miss his 40th birthday because she feels so unwelcome, husband has been allowing a pretty toxic social environment form around his poor wife. That or she's developed a huge immigrant chip on her shoulder and needs a bit of therapy to chill. (probably a bit of both)

Turtlicious posted:

Being at the funeral isn't supporting them, and if they need that much help to go to the funeral they should just skip it, what is her mom gonna do? Get mad?

quote:

Dating for 3.5 years, been living together for 2 years.

When I think back, this is not something new in our relationships. She's been acting this way since the beginning but I didn't really notice it before. Now, I notice it every time and I can practically predict that it's going to happen and exactly what she's going to say. Pretty much what happens is that I'll say something to my girlfriend - something that happened during my day at work, something from school that I got reminded of, whatever. And then my girlfriend will ask me follow up questions. But the way she asks me questions it that she'll have already made up what she thinks my real answer is and she'll interrogate me in a way to prove that what she thought was correct.

There are multiple problems with this. The first being that this is all going on in her head, so she'll ask me questions related to *her* made up answer and to me it's so random I have no idea what she's talking about. The next problem is that she always has the wrong answer and if I say something that goes against it, she'll tell me I'm lying/she doesn't believe me. Another problem is that the "answer" she has in her mind is always related to me cheating/flirting with someone else/someone has a crush on me. Even when it's a story about my past she'll somehow relate it back to an ex, or an old friend that *definitely* had a crush on me (they didn't).

An example... We were talking about going to a restaurant and I'll say "Oh, I've been to that restaurant before, maybe 5 years ago?". And her first question is "Who did you go with?". I'll respond "I think it was with my friend Mark?". And she will go "It was probably with your ex-girlfriend."

Another example... I'll mention that on my way home from work today I was on the same bus as a co-worker. She will ask what we talked about. I'll respond that we didn't really talk that much, I like to read my book during my commute home (Something she knows. I read on the bus every single day and go to the library 2x a week to get more books). And she'll say "Yeah, right. You were probably chatting the entire time. What did you talk about? Did you talk about me? Does this person even know me?"

I can give so many more examples because it honestly happens every time I tell her something. It has now come to the point that I don't even want to tell her anything because it leads to these exhausting questions. I don't know what to do. If I don't tell her things about my day or don't answer her questions, she gets angry. She'll then call me out for being defensive which leads to even more questions.

TL;DR: I am so tired of my girlfriend's questions when I tell her about things in my life because she assumes that she knows the answer and if what I say (the truth) goes against her assumption, she'll tell me I'm lying. Also she always assumes that everything is about an ex or infidelity

Leon Einstein posted:

That guy worried about his possible future wife's income has been dating her two months. That poor woman.

Midnight Voyager posted:

You know, that was a pretty nice conversation where maybe some people were frustrated but we reached an understanding! We had a nice human connection bit there.

So how about an exhausting human!

I [29F] don't really want to tell my girlfriend [32F] anything anymore because she assumes things about the situation and interrogates me based on these false assumptions.

Bored posted:

Hey. C'mon. You got to spend your birthday with your entire family!

For people thinking I'm being insensitive, I'm pretty sure LadyPictureShow replied to a family member who expressed their regret that her mother could not be there for her birthday,"You know, she kind of is." Because LadyPictureShow's immediate family shows affection by making jokes and deals with grief by showing affection.
Whatever. It's a great story.

Bored posted:

Surprise twist: she doesn't actually like OP, but he is too dim to notice and she's only talking about a future because she wants to get her citizenship so that she can make mad money with the career path she's laid out for herself. She will divorce the OP in a couple of years once her salary surpasses his.

Pick posted:

My parents didn’t hit me woot woot!

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

you're missing out there's some great poo poo in the garbage can

this one time I found an entire pizza, untouched and still warm

Midnight Voyager posted:

There's incentive to lie about things like abuse rates when you directly hand people a child and pay them to take care of it. They don't want to look like they're failing at their job.

And Iowa is also particularly eager to take kids from their parents, so they need more foster families. There are too few foster families as it is, the system is completely overloaded nationwide. The worst part is sexual abuse rates, and they're particularly skewed because they tend to ignore damaged kids abusing each other. And there's at least one state that was so overloaded they just jammed together criminal kids with kids without their parents, because that works, right? (it did not) People take kids just for a paycheck and then don't spend any of it on the kid, so they starve or can't even get bathed.

Sorry man, but that biological imperative to care for your family does actually work a bit better than money. It can DEFINITELY break in some people, and it sounds like it did with your parents. And the foster system can do good things! But it is in massive need of reform, because it is currently a mess.

Nonvalueadded User posted:

Part of the difficulty around the issue is that there are at least 50 foster care systems in the US, plus territories I’m sure, each with different funding, financial drivers, local factors (e.g., tribal considerations in the PNW), etc.

But I have biased views on the whole thing. The second child ever in my care was a socially and emotionally broken 5 year old who had the poo poo beaten out of him with a baseball bat by his biological dad. Things like that make me think that the biological imperative to care for offspring breaks down every now and then.

On challenging days, I wonder if I’m really doing any of the kids who have been through my house, or myself, any good. Then I remember I’m choosing to make my life more difficult so they have some discipline and stability, I’m taking care of them in both physical and emotional needs, and yeah and I’m not inviting randos over to shoot up with &/or have sex with in front of the kids. So yeah, a net win.

But to be fair my experience is as an affluent socially-privileged foster parent who is not doing it for money. There are certainly lovely ones out there. The aforementioned 5 year old? First foster home he landed in? Punishment was by belt.


Ehhh, meaningless rant over, just had to vent.

Nonvalueadded User posted:

Part of the difficulty around the issue is that there are at least 50 foster care systems in the US, plus territories I’m sure, each with different funding, financial drivers, local factors (e.g., tribal considerations in the PNW), etc.

But I have biased views on the whole thing. The second child ever in my care was a socially and emotionally broken 5 year old who had the poo poo beaten out of him with a baseball bat by his biological dad. Things like that make me think that the biological imperative to care for offspring breaks down every now and then.

On challenging days, I wonder if I’m really doing any of the kids who have been through my house, or myself, any good. Then I remember I’m choosing to make my life more difficult so they have some discipline and stability, I’m taking care of them in both physical and emotional needs, and yeah and I’m not inviting randos over to shoot up with &/or have sex with in front of the kids. So yeah, a net win.

But to be fair my experience is as an affluent socially-privileged foster parent who is not doing it for money. There are certainly lovely ones out there. The aforementioned 5 year old? First foster home he landed in? Punishment was by belt.


Ehhh, meaningless rant over, just had to vent.

Turtlicious posted:

Dannywilson posted:

Fostering can work, especially if it's by a strong ol' broad who isn't in it for the money, but misses having kids in the house to nurture.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [25M] girlfriend [20F] is obsessed with youtubers and it makes me think twice.

I am with my girlfriend for 1.5 years. She was not that obsessed with youtubers in the beginning, but it drastically grew over the last year. I don't care about her lifestyle but it started making her a lazy dreamer teenage girl. She is watching those logan paul, kim kardashian or kylie jenner videos and she has even admitted that she's imagining that she's their friend (is this even normal for 20 years old?). She can watch youtube videos during the whole day (no exaggeration, she can keep watching for 7-8 hours), but would not feed/ give water to our dog because she was too tired (of doing nothing).

​We were having too much arguments due to her laziness but then I started not caring. Since she's still student and I am working, I support her financially. She started having some type of allergies over her skin and the public hospital gave appointment for 2 months later. Therefore, I offered her to pay for a private hospital so she can go get it checked. Although she is supposed to go for follow-ups, she says it's pointless, because a youtuber released her own product and it heals everything(?) because she says so and her followers are approving, she was basically asking me to buy her a cream from US to EU.

​I asked for a clarification and I was like "so you think that, the doctors you are seeing or the medications you are taking that are developed by huge medical companies are less valuable than a product of an uneducated youtuber?". She immediately started getting so aggressive, protecting that youtuber for all. I said I won't pay anything for that thing and she said "so your money is more important than your money?".

​She does that thing a lot and i think she does it intentionally, although my point is totally different, she tries to make me look like a total jerk. Although I was the one who offered/paid for her private hospital visit, gave my card and told her to pay any additional tests from my card, she tries to make me sound like I care more about my money than her. It really pisses me off because she does it a lot, as I said.

​Then she started crying, I asked "why are you crying for a youtuber?" and she said "I am crying because I am living with you". I replied "well you can leave whenever you want" and I am not talking to her at the moment.

​I love her but she keeps getting ungrateful everyday. I don't ask rent or anything from her so that she can focus on her studies and finish it asap. Although her own mom refuses to pay her for hospital, I don't mind at all. But she keeps asking stuff like this and if I refuse to buy her something useless, she stops talking to me, slams everything in home, makes my day miserable.

​Just to be sure I checked the product and it was just another overpriced multivitamin/supplement with some other hormone-unbalancing ingredients, probably would not even pass EU border.

​I am just disappointed that instead of researching or at least trying a medical treatment with medical doctor, she diehard believes in a make-up youtuber's product and damages our relationship just for that is a bit too much.

tl;dr: My girlfriend is a youtuber-obsessed person. She got allergies and she refuses to seek medical treatment asks for an overpriced youtuber-branded cream instead. I refused and she made a big drama.

Turtlicious posted:

No, when I went into a group home it was pretty clear I was too much effort / work and had to become a better person. Then she died, which was the kick in the pants to get clean.


that is so beautiful, we all get to have awesome little moments on this forum

Dannywilson posted:

My grandmother did the same thing. I have "uncles" that are in no way related by blood, from before the AK state foster program ever became a thing, that are closer to my grandmother and our family than they ever were to their bio parents.

My grandmother and mother are also tied for strongest matriarchs I've ever encountered, so maybe it's a family thing.

Nonvalueadded User posted:

The internalization of “Blood is thicker than water” has done so much harm...relations may be biological but family is built.

There was one story way back when in this thread (I think) about an extended family trip to Disneyland or the like, where some dipshit said, “Let’s get all the Smith kids in the photo...no, just the real Smith kids.” I’m so glad that (based on their treatment of my daughter from a prior marriage or any of the foster kids) neither my in-laws nor my family would ever say something so hurtful —and I’m grateful too, because that’s an immediate

quote:

We've been dating a few months. We were talking about porn the other day and he said he doesn't usually masturbate to porn. I found out instead, he more commonly masturbates to his own dick pics... he has a stash of his nudes and dick pics on his phone that he never deletes. He just scrolls through them when he wants to jack off. He also said it's "easier" than browsing porn because he can access them anywhere. I'm not trying to shame him but I've never really heard of something like this.

Is this a common thing for guys? We do have sex, he's not ignoring me in favor of jerking to his own pics. I just don't know what to make of it. It's kind of weird to me...

Tl;dr: boyfriend gets off to his nudes more than porn, is this normal?

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (21F) boyfriend (22M) jacks off to pictures of himself...is this normal?


It's only normal if he plays this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_DVS_303kQ

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [25M] girlfriend [20F] is obsessed with youtubers and it makes me think twice.

quote:

This past weekend was the big camping trip that my girlfriend would be taking with her and her family. It would consist of her, her parents, her younger sister, her aunt and uncle, and her three cousins and it was a big family trip that was being planned for cooler weather. My girlfriend told me all about where they would be camping and I decided to take advantage of that knowledge.

I visited my girlfriend's house to say goodbye to her and wish her a fun trip and when they all took off in their cars, I got in my car and drove to the campsite that they would be staying at. I know the area pretty well and I was able to find a spot to hide my car from view and I was able to navigate the woods and keep an eye on them while remaining hidden from view. When it came to nighttime, I put on a Chewbacca costume and ruffled it up a little to make it like wild and untamed. While the family was gathered around the campfire, I started to rustle the bushes. The family noticed, but they didn't think much of it. Then I started to make growling noises. The family was getting noticeably freaked out and then my girlfriend's uncle started to walk towards where I was hiding.

As soon as he got close enough, I jumped out from behind the bushes and started making roaring noises while running around acting like a Bigfoot. I shook their tents, threw lawn chairs around, and chased after some of the cousins. I heard my girlfriend's dad yell "GET THE GUN!" and that's when I knew I had to end the prank. I took off the costume, revealed myself, and the entire family was pissed. Long story short, I got yelled at my almost all of her family, and the noise attracted the campsite manager, who kicked me out after hearing what happened.

Today I heard back from my girlfriend for the first time since the prank and she said that she's seriously considering breaking up with me. She just said that she needs some time to think and that she'll let me know when she's made her decision. Now I'm just left wondering what I do. I'm thinking that I need to pull off a major apology and I need some advice on what to say to save this relationship.

tldr: Pulled a prank on my girlfriend and her family, might be losing my girlfriend because of if.

quote:

Why would you do something that you know will upset other people, though? What was the thought process behind "hey, my girlfriend and her family are enjoying a big family vacation, I should go upset them!"?

The OP:
Unless you've ever pulled a prank, then you'll never understand.

LadyPictureShow posted:

My girlfriend [23/F] is threatening to break up with me over a prank that I [24/M] pulled on her and her family.

LadyPictureShow posted:

My girlfriend [23/F] is threatening to break up with me over a prank that I [24/M] pulled on her and her family.


E:

Zil posted:

I hope she does. For that kind of stuff you need someone on the inside, you know so you don't get shot by your girlfriends father.

avshalemon posted:

are you people really arguing that it's ok to go smoke weed in a cemetery instead of going to your partner's mother's funeral

avshalemon posted:

are you people really arguing that it's ok to go smoke weed in a cemetery instead of going to your partner's mother's funeral

Nonvalueadded User posted:

Part of the difficulty around the issue is that there are at least 50 foster care systems in the US, plus territories I’m sure, each with different funding, financial drivers, local factors (e.g., tribal considerations in the PNW), etc.

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (27F) boyfriend (27M) of four years didn't come to my mom's funeral with me because of a stupid tradition with his friends

LadyPictureShow posted:

My girlfriend [23/F] is threatening to break up with me over a prank that I [24/M] pulled on her and her family.


E:

quote:

Here's how this maybe could have been a fun prank: after some rustling in the bushes you start singing, or making some other weird but non-threatening noise. Then slowly reveal yourself, wearing the costume but with an added fedora with a flower in the hatband. Get out a basket of snacks and treats you had hidden in the bushes, distribute them to your now bewildered but hopefully appreciative audience.

Making other people feel scared is not a fun prank. Running around messing up someone else's campsite is not a fun prank. A fun prank is fun for everyone involved, not just the prankster.

Have a think about that, and then write a heartfelt letter of apology to each and every family member who was there. Don't try to pull off any grand gestures. That's what got you in trouble to start with.

ArbitraryC posted:

I mean it's a "dumb" reason but it's kind of a valid result. Dude is being judged because he's forgoing an important event that could have been scheduled on plenty of other days in favor of smoking the demon weed with his friends, but obviously that's not the whole point. It's an annual reunion that they've maintained for a decade, that's like longer than most relationships last and once people start bailing on it because there's other more important is when it dies. The background on why that day is important to them is admittedly juvenile but that they've carried it so far is kinda something I feel like it would be a big ask to give up