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HoAssHo posted:My husband admits that he likes buying me shoes and purses and poo poo because he gets to enjoy cute stuff vicariously through me since he'll never be able to have his own purse with pink kitties on it or whatever. He totally can! Just go for it HoAssHusband
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Oct 4, 2018 22:49
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LadyPictureShow posted:Lord have mercy, this is true. If it wasn’t talking about course work, so and so’s boyfriend breaking up with them the third time was the general small talk. Being the only married grad student was...interesting. I usually felt like I was in 7th grade or something.
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Oct 4, 2018 22:51
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Ha, try going to law school where everyone is a bunch of coked-out, adderall fueled, type A monsters with no morals.
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Oct 4, 2018 22:59
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The military was like that but everyone had guns and men in weird hats yelled at us constantly for getting drunk
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Oct 4, 2018 23:11
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MrQwerty posted:I will never date a grad student or an economist again in my life, those words are giant red flags are economists just a weird extension of grad student or are there separate reasons for not dating them
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Oct 4, 2018 23:30
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QuarkJets posted:are economists just a weird extension of grad student or are there separate reasons for not dating them Economists are sociopaths by nature
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Oct 5, 2018 00:02
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Keynes was not a sociopath
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Oct 5, 2018 00:05
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Most modern ones are, mainly because their jobs aren’t real. like most of what they say is nonsensical bullshit
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Oct 5, 2018 00:06
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What they say is not bullshit, it is extremely carefully tailored to what someone with money wants to hear
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Oct 5, 2018 00:07
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[23 M] One of my good friends [23 M] is mad at/not talking to me because I didn't let him into the VIP section. One of my long time friends from the dorms, John, is currently pissed at, not talking to, and actively talking poo poo about me because I didn't let him into my table at a club for a concert. I'll explain. There was a pretty big DJ in town at a club last weekend. My friend group and I were pretty hyped and decided we were going to go. One of my coworkers got a table with her friends and invited me and whoever I brought as long as we paid our fair share. I told my friend group. A few guys were down. And most weren't especially the friend that's upset with me. I tried to tell them that the table was cheaper. It worked out to about $100 per person because my coworker was taking care of the gratuity. The concert tickets, fees, and drinks totaled to over $100 that. John brushed me off when I brought this up and told me "You can work it at the door like always" I told him I can't and I can't hook him up. There have been times in the past my relationships with bouncers/bartenders/promoters have gotten us hooked up or let more people into Table Service than allowed. This wasn't one of those situations and I explained that to him. Last Saturday comes. I text the groupchat saying (This is directly from the chat) "Yo. This is your last chance. Jessie had a few friends come in unexpectedly and got a couple more spots. Her friends are all pretty hot and they seem down. You can always sell your ticket, but I won't be able to get you in at the show. Its actually cheaper to hop on the table" a couple of guys decided to send it last minute leaving John and a couple of friends in GA. John sees us when we're walking in and tries to tail end, security stops him. I told him that we already had our wristbands, he couldn't get in and that I was sorry. He laughed it off and said he'd see me up there later. The show starts and its awesome. We're all having a great time. I settled in with one of my coworkers friends and then we hear a disturbance near a security. John was cursing, screaming, and claiming he lost his wristband. "That's my boy!" he said pointing directly to me. Now by this point, I was pissed. I had told him multiple times to get in on this. Security remembered me talking to him earlier, and I had been chill to the security guard, so he offered to see if we could pay a little more to get John in. Security and the Manager said we had two options. Either he couldn't get in, or we would have to raise the spending minimum to get 5 more wristbands because there's table escalate by the minimum not the person. We would've had to raise it by $500. We (as in the people at the table) decided if John wanted to pay that he could join, but me personally, I wasn't paying any more money for him. John found this out and stormed away from security. He would get near our section and grill me throughout the night. I went down to see the stage at one point, he saw me and flipped me off. He tried to curse me out while I was walking out after the show, but by that point I kind of just brushed it off. Maybe I was wrong for that, but I had a great night, I was rolling face, and I was about to go home with someone. I wasn't trying to get yelled at for John's bad decision making and lack of accountability, especially when I told him to get on it a week before. John has been pissed ever since. He woke up and put an angry tirade in the group chat. He told me to "F off", called me elitist and told me I was a bad friend for not getting in and being willing to pay for him. He's tried to remove me from the chat 10 times and I've gotten added back by someone else every time. We were all supposed to watch football this weekend at my place, but John got a room at a bar "that OP can't come to since he's so elitist that he wouldn't get me into bottle service " Should I just tell him to gently caress off? Because I don't know why he's mad. I've tried to examine everything from every angle and I don't see where I went wrong. My friends don't agree with him and tell him to shut up everytime he mentions it. I don't think it's fair for everyone to have had to pay for John and honestly, in that situation, I feel like the responsibility would've been on me personally since my co-worker organized it and her friends didn't know John. My co-worker ate the cost of getting us a larger table for her friends and paid the gratuity. I would've been paying $500 dollars for one person. gently caress that. I can afford it, but I busted my rear end in college and unlike John, I don't come from money, so I have no idea why I'm the elitist. Am I wrong? Should I just ignore him? He's in our friend group so I could just ignore him and be homies with the rest of the boys. TL;DR Co-worker invited me to table service for a concert a week before. I told my friend group and invited them. The cost for the table was cheaper than a GA ticket + Fees and drinks. Some joined, However, one friend didn't. Went to general admission, caused a disturbance, and is now mad that I wouldn't pay $500 dollars to meet a new spending minimum to get him in. He's trying and failing to turn our friends against me and is acting like a spoiled entitled brat. I want to see if I was wrong.
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Oct 5, 2018 00:09
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Pick posted:Keynes was not a sociopath Keynes is dead, I never met him, and his policy has been discarded by everyone I've ever met in the econ field in order to pursue a sociopathic understanding of the world
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Oct 5, 2018 00:09
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MrQwerty posted:Keynes is dead, I never met him, and his policy has been discarded by everyone I've ever met in the econ field in order to pursue a sociopathic understanding of the world His life’s work was despised by Milton Friedman, that’s all you have to know to realize he is in heaven
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Oct 5, 2018 00:10
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QuarkJets posted:are economists just a weird extension of grad student or are there separate reasons for not dating them Huge assholes. My sort-of FiL (he died before the wedding) was a fairly prominent economist (wrote a textbook, wife met Milton Friedman before she was old enough to know to attack him on sight.) He was an incredible narcissist, without having the disorder. He just optimized his life for him at all times and to hell with everyone else. They were always running out of money because he had to have the newest and best of everything. Dropped his family like a used condom the minute he found a replacement who was sufficiently fawning, but he still felt that his children should see and love him on a scheduled basis. Even though they needed to go to the food bank and Goodwill because he wasn't paying child support. He could still take his ho to Hawaii couple times a year, though. The Four Seasons. He got a lot better once he got terminal butt cancer and had to carry his poo poo around on the outside. Don't date economists.
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Oct 5, 2018 00:10
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Pick posted:What they say is not bullshit, it is extremely carefully tailored to what someone with money wants to hear
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Oct 5, 2018 00:11
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Woah, not clinically a narcissist?? I guess there is hope 
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Oct 5, 2018 00:12
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Pick posted:His life’s work was despised by Milton Friedman, that’s all you have to know to realize he is in heaven I mean, you're not wrong. But economists are sociopaths, except for an outlier. Beachcomber posted:Don't date economists. MrQwerty fucked around with this message at 00:16 on Oct 5, 2018 |
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Oct 5, 2018 00:13
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Leon Einstein posted:So how does that preclude it from being bullshit? That was a humorous slam on the discipline you huge moron
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Oct 5, 2018 00:13
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MrQwerty posted:I mean, you're not wrong. He was also friends with Virginia Wolfe and was part of their whole prank brigade thing
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Oct 5, 2018 00:14
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Pick posted:That was a humorous slam on the discipline you huge moron not seeing the lol
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Oct 5, 2018 00:16
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It looks like a leopard
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Oct 5, 2018 00:16
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I [32/m] nerd started actually having a kind of crazy real-life relationship with a [34/f] Brazilian dancer I met at a club in December, but it seems to be ending just an inexplicably as it developed. How can I possibly save it? Ok, it is much more complicated that just that - here are the raw details, and I realize this is definitely one of the more ridiculous "problem" stories to be posted in this subreddit, but I would appreciate some perspective! I am a 32/m skinny Jewish mama's-boy nerd, am in love with a 34/f overweight alcoholic Brazilian daytime stripper who I met at the stripclub back in December, 6 months ago. I didn't like her at first, but she was very aggressive and flattering me a lot, and that made me like her more (yes, shameless but true). Right off the bat, I myself never drink or so any drugs, and yes, I know that trying to analyze or control the actions, behavior, and feelings of a person who is usually under the influence of alcohol is useless endeavor, but hey, it feels good for me to take 15 minutes to ramble-type about her on the Internet. I've actually never actually bought her a drink, either, and she's never asked. I usually visit her at the end of her shift, because I'm busy with other stuff during the day. Ok, so from that first time (and I had actually been approached by her a few other times, but rejected her BECAUSE she was so drunk), I immediately went back to see her again and again--she works there during the day shift, and only 3 days a week, and am desperately, obsessively in love with her and want to try to have a normal American-style boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with her, as insanely absurd as that will sound (hence the screenname I created to ask this question). I get 2, 3, or 4 dances whenever I see her, and have never taken her to the VIP room. Even since that first time I got a dance from her, she kisses me on the lips, and even takes me hands on puts them on her boobs and IN her thong to rub her pussy, and she also frequently pulls down the front of thong in front of me to show me it. She also says "I love you" a LOT and calls me "baby" (and yes, she speaks English). I've also seen her kiss a LOT of other guys on the lips, even just while sitting with them and talking with them, AND I've heard her say "Love you, baby" to other guys as well. Ok, so actually she works at the club with one of her sisters [31/m], who moved to America 7 years ago, are sort of a tag-team, and they are constantly talking to each other. Yes, I am aware that prostitution is basically legal in Brazil (as I learned from Wikipedia), and I see and know from having met other Brazilian people, that the culture there is generally much, MUCH less uptight about sex than America, and is also much more physical. So, I am aware of the likelihood that she and her sister may have slept with like, I don't know, hundreds of guys, whether for money or not. Ok, so, at their request, I took them out to dinner at a restaurant 6 times (the total cost for the 3 of us each time was about $70, and that's well within my spending range), and every time, we have a good time, but they just don't stop asking me, urging me, and begging me to marry her (the one I like) over and over again if I will marry her AND have kids with her(!), because they are planning to leave America for good in September and won't be able to come back here when they leave (and probably because her 'biological clock is ticking' and also, the younger sister already has a 5-year-od son--but the father is apparently elsewhere). I've told her time and again that I can't marry her, and I've given a bunch of reasons relating to money, to my living situation, and just my own unreadiness to start a family, but they don't stop with it and don't stop with the compliments about my looks, my blue eyes, or that I'm white (and I have read that there are similar types of racial/socioeconomic favoritism and discrimination in Brazil as there are in America--see this article). The sister even calls me "cunhado," or "brother-in-law! I only know that because I looked up in Google Translate; I thought it meant "honey." So, as I said I've taken the both of them out 6 times, and about 3 weeks, they even slept over at my studio apartment--JUST slept over--and at the time, a Russian girl (also a stripper, JUST a friend) was staying with me, and when she came home at 4:30 (because she works the night shift at a club), she was totally cool with them being here, and she went to her bed while I slept in my bed with the 2 girls, but actually just they slept while I was wide awake for 8 freakin hours because I'm always up all night. Yes, that's right: I was in my apartment with 3 strippers who were all sound asleep while I was wide awake. Ok, so what happened is that we had tentatively planned to go out again, or for them to stay over again, but it hasn't happened again. I was being kind of pushy about it, inviting her out again and again each time I saw her, and I was loserishly texting her after she was done with work, but she would either not respond, or would just say she was going home. She also stopped kissing me so much and cooled out with the "I love you's;" it's funny how the tables turn that way i relationships--that when the aggressive pursuer starts being aggressively pursued in return they get totally turned off. Earlier LAST month, I brazenly met her on the corner outside the club twice and both times, they were glad to see me and I went out with them from there but then, a following time, the club's manager actually saw me waiting there once when he was leaving, and he warned her not to meet customers outside the club--however, we met 4 times AFTER then, but in front of restaurants, not on the corner, so his threat is not why the relationship has "contracted." So, in a scheme to "play hard to get" and "lay low" for a little bit, I took the advice of not just one, but 3 people I know, who all told me to NOT go to the club for a week. I did that, and actually it ended up being almost TWO weeks because when I thought I'd see her on either of two separate nights, she wasn't there (she doesn't have a consistent schedule). Then, I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder, apparently, because when I finally saw her again, which was Tuesday (3 days ago), she was THRILLED to see me, was kissing me and saying she loved me again, and the vibe was awesome, right back to where it was (so I guess the high-school-style strategy advised by my 3 friends worked), and I then saw her at the club on Wednesday and Thursday too, and on Thursday, she said she'd call or text me, and almost always when she has said that, she would, but she didn't this time, and so I'm thinking now it's just an at-the-club thing all over again, as it was the first few months, and I'm just left with having to see if she herself bothers to get in touch with me to go out or meet up again. Obviously no amount of lying, promising, or bribing from me is going to get her to act in any way that she herself doesn't choose to act, but it's so frustrating to have had that awesome thing, but it's all probably over now! Waaaa. On the other hand, I definitely don't want to marry her, and I know that would be the ultimate bargain-from-hell if I were to do that, just given how erratic and inconsistent she is with this part-time lovey-dovey thing we've got going on (not to mention how generously affectionate she is with other guys--VERY few girls at this club are that sexually aggressive; some are, but not most). TL;DR Skinny desperate Reddit-using stripclub-going nerd is madly in love and/or just immaturely obsessed with a rapidly aging drunk promiscuous woman/prostitute stripper who wants to get married before she moves back to Brazil in September, but I just want to have like a normal dating relationship with her. However, what seemed to be the beginning of a possible dating relationship last month has gone back to just being a customer-and-stripper fantasy thing at the club, and I am just sitting here waiting to see her next week at the club and wanna get your thoughts on the situation.
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Oct 5, 2018 00:16
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You don’t deserve her
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Oct 5, 2018 00:18
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The easiest way to own an economist is to just repeatedly ask, "Oh, so have you had a chance to run your hypothesis in your spare test universe  ?" repeatedly until they break down crying, at which point you deliver the killing blow by insisting there is no difference between the collectible price and the value of the gold in the coins you bought off an infomercial.
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Oct 5, 2018 00:19
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cumshitter posted:The easiest way to own an economist is to just repeatedly ask, "Oh, so have you had a chance to run your hypothesis in your spare test universe take me
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Oct 5, 2018 00:22
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Smirking_Serpent posted:I [32/m] nerd started actually having a kind of crazy real-life relationship with a [34/f] Brazilian dancer I met at a club in December, but it seems to be ending just an inexplicably as it developed. How can I possibly save it? Ain't no way you can turn a stripper into a housewife, idiot
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Oct 5, 2018 00:24
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God drat it I want to read the comments on the stripper one but I can't find it. Everyone's tearing him apart and laughing their asses off at him, right?
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Oct 5, 2018 01:11
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quote:I [32/m] nerd started actually having a kind of crazy real-life relationship with a [34/f] Brazilian dancer I met at a club in December, but it seems to be ending just an inexplicably as it developed. How can I possibly save it? Wow, it must be hard for you, guy, with all this relationship drama. Come in for a hug. [slaps sign on his back that says "Play Me"]
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Oct 5, 2018 01:13
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Drunk Nerds posted:Wow, it must be hard for you, guy, with all this relationship drama. Come in for a hug. So the only action he ever got was what he paid for at the club, right?
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Oct 5, 2018 01:16
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cumshitter posted:The easiest way to own an economist is to just repeatedly ask, "Oh, so have you had a chance to run your hypothesis in your spare test universe lean in closely and whisper "externalities" into their ear
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Oct 5, 2018 01:17
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Leon Einstein posted:So the only action he ever got was what he paid for at the club, right? I think so. There was something about a Russian stripper that was also "just a friend promise" that would sleep at his place but not have sex. Lots of words for one hand typing.
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Oct 5, 2018 01:22
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HoAssHo posted:God drat it I want to read the comments on the stripper one but I can't find it. Everyone's tearing him apart and laughing their asses off at him, right? you can't find it because it's five years old. I found it because I wanted to see if there were any good stories about economists. The closest I got was a pretentious boyfriend who reads The Economist. But i thought this was a good trade. It got 55 comments, 0 upvotes: someone tells him to try normal dating. He responds: "Thank you for response. I don't know what "normal" dating could mean; it seems that anyone's relationship, if honestly described (let alone documented on video) would be abnormal or unhealthy from the point of view of a large population of readers or viewers. Certainly the avalanche of postings on this forum indicate that people have some pretty shocking and insane relationship problems from ANYONE'S point of view. And I decided to give it a try and share my own into the mix." someone says dude it's her job to get money from you. he responds: "I am this much of a mug. What may strike you as even more unfathomably pathetic is that i actually WANT to spend more money on her, and have even given her some gifts that i bought for her (including a bracelet and earrings that she actual wears; she was wearing the bracelet on Tuesday and Wednesday), and I have more things I bought that I have yet to give her. I want to do so much more for her (not marry her, though), but she obviously has a limit to how much she feels like getting from me, because I could take her AND her sister out to dinner FIVE days a week, every week, if they wanted. The moral of the story: I'm so freakin annoying, that even an extremely greedy stripper with extremely low standards still can only tolerate to spend a small amount of time with me, despite her knowing that I have never been unwilling or begrudging about buying dinner for her or getting another dance." someone says he needs to get self-confidence "Thank you, but "gain some confidence"? You really talk to me like I'm some sort of "at-risk" teen. I like myself enough to be as stubborn and as self-indulgent as I obviously am, but--or rather AND I do know where I stand in the social pecking order as a skinny, unstylish, intellectual motormouth (i,e. nerd 2 the maxx). I love her so much, I have so many gifts I want to give to her, but she has to EARN them from me, goddammit! The same she's earned the ones I've given her already--and the same goes for my love and attention, which is far more meaningful, and the material things are just a representation, a symbol of that. (Does that sound like a sheepish little wuss? Or more like a domineering egotistical a-hole?)" someone says to just text her that he'll give her some money: "Lol, you crazy me up, man... I like that idea, but--and this will sound completely absurd, given my original post--I actually would NOT be comfortable just straight-up giving her money for sex. Dinner and THEN sex? Ok. Or paying for dances at the club, and then sex, ok. Actually, one time I was in a taxi with her and her sister, and she was like "Why don't you wanna take us [yes, us] to your apartment?" And I was like "Oh, I uh, not today" (because my place was extremely messy), and then she said to her sister, in English so that I could understand it, "This is why I like American guys: they never wanna gently caress! Hahaha!!!!" and I was like "No, I uh--just--uh" and then we started talking about something else. See? I toldja I was a nerd! And I'm actually AFRAID that you are right and that that strategy would work (both the money offer AND the marriage play), but I like to kind of skate along with what it is right now, but it's SOOOO LONG until I get to see her again! Like 2 or 3 more days! That's why I (actually) go to the drat club at night and will get a dance or two from other girls (but for a few reasons, she would never know about it--in fact, she thinks I work early in the morning, so there's no way I could be at the club late at night). I think it's now official: this is the most ridiculous relationship ever discussed on here."
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Oct 5, 2018 01:27
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quote:So, as I said I've taken the both of them out 6 times, and about 3 weeks, they even slept over at my studio apartment--JUST slept over--and at the time, a Russian girl (also a stripper, JUST a friend) was staying with me, and when she came home at 4:30 (because she works the night shift at a club), she was totally cool with them being here, and she went to her bed while I slept in my bed with the 2 girls, but actually just they slept while I was wide awake for 8 freakin hours because I'm always up all night. Yes, that's right: I was in my apartment with 3 strippers who were all sound asleep while I was wide awake. Well, of course they fell asleep, I only read one paragraph and I'm exhausted.
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Oct 5, 2018 01:31
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endlessmonotony posted:I hate you both. Except it's 2018 so now the yuppie lady is eating his rear end.
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Oct 5, 2018 01:32
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Alright so I only read a paragraph or two of that monstrosity but when he said "okay but this actually gets more complex" he just got more and more wrong. The denial that he is a walking green card is strong in this one.
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Oct 5, 2018 01:55
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So are his only friends strippers that are using him or...?
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Oct 5, 2018 01:56
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Mom[50f] demands to go with me [22f] to my first date.quote:I'm really not sure what to do about this situation. I moved to a new city a few months ago with my family, and I essentially have no connections or friends. My cousin recommended I download a dating app to at least make some friends so I'm not alone all the time. quote:[–]EarlGreyhair [score hidden] 4 hours ago quote:Update: I cancelled the date and said there were family issues I needed to take care of. It worked out in favor of both of us because he wasn't sure if he could make it either. I want to thank everyone that has commented on this post with advice. This has been a very embarrassing experience for me and I appreciate the respect that you all have treated me with. I'm planning to work on setting boundaries with my mom, and to build the courage to say 'no'. Thanks again. Haifisch fucked around with this message at 02:03 on Oct 5, 2018 |
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Oct 5, 2018 02:01
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I'd had trouble saying no to my mom if she carried multiple knives on her too.
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Oct 5, 2018 02:15
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My boyfriend is texting a clear pedophile, how can I stop him? Some info about us:-Me (f/17) and he (m/16) -he is bisexual -We both treat love very seriously, we always try to be understanding and helpful, we have arguments but we almost always solve them in the end -he was in an abusive relationship in the past and he sometimes can "break" psychically -I'm myself very curious about everything and sometimes I can overwhelm him with all the talks and questions-we really love each other, we enjoy spending time together, our goal is to make this relationship last as long as possible So this started like 1 month ago, he met a 36 year old guy on facebook and it all seemed okay, but after some time he started calling him "tiger" and talking dirty to him. So he confessed to me about him, he blocked him and we forget about it. But after some time he unblocked him and now he is texting him again... he is even saying that they will meet soon in a pizzeria... the worst part is that that guy is still talking dirty to him, even when my boyfriend pointed out multiple time that he doesn't like it. For me it seems like he is clearly a pedophile and that all he wants is to just... date or do something bad to my boyfriend What could I do to explain to him how worried I am? Could I do anything to stop him? Some additional info: he has almost no irl friends and he often points it out - in the past he often was blocking and unblocking others cuz he felt guilty - he is scared to hurt people, even people like that guy - we still are both virgins, we both agreed on our first time after 10 or 12 months - he had a few male exs, but they all were not loyal to him and it hurted him a lot - he had a small cheating accident in the past, but after that he started letting me look into his messenger and discord ** tl;dr ** He unblocked him after that pedo abused his personal boundaries and now is texting him once again, cuz he seems like a nice person
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Oct 5, 2018 03:30
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My wife (27F) of 5 years and I (28M) are going through something I never expected I would have to deal with. I don't know what to do. I am 28, wife is 27. We have a 6 month old and an almost 4 year old. We currently live on the west coast because I'm in the military. We are both originally from Texas. For years, the plan was to move back to Texas after my contract ended, and we talked about it for years. Then, a little over a year ago, we started to pursue the idea of swinging. This was something we had talked about several times over the years and decided to take the plunge. Fairly quickly, we found a swinger couple that we both liked. We all seemed to get along really well and yadda yadda yadda. They lived a couple hours away, so it was a bit of a hassle to get together to do stuff, but we made it work. Also worth noting that this other couple has 4 children all 10 and under. Fast forward a couple months, my wife asks me what I think about her referring to the other couple's wife as her girlfriend. I didn't think much of it really since we were all swinging and all that, so I said sure, why not. I didn't really think of what that meant for her until later. Fast forward a month or so later, I go on deployment for about 7 months. During this time, my wife hung out with them constantly, since she was alone at the house and they helped her keep her mind off of me being gone. At one point during the deployment, the couple has some employment/living complications and wind up moving into my house with my wife while they get back on their feet. Once again, this wasn't a big issue for me. Right before I come back from deployment, the couple decides to move into an apartment literally 3 minutes away. My wife became way closer to them than I ever was. When I come home, everything is fine for a little while, but it's just not the same for me. I don't really like the amount of time we spend with them and the more I get to know them, the more I feel like they aren't really the kind of people I really care to hang out with all that much. They're dirty, lazy, and the other couple is always fighting with eachother. My wife is equally lazy. I feel like I'm the only one that cleans anything and I do all the cooking (which I like doing anyway). I feel like a scolding parent constantly talking about how we need to clean and save money and so on. HERE is where things start to get really uncomfortable. This whole time, they've all been sad/dreading the thought of us moving back home after I get out of the military. One night during a very intoxicated hang out, I stupidly say "Oh don't worry, we aren't going to go back. We are going to stay when I get out". This is something I always regret saying, but quickly made it known to my wife that I in fact DO NOT want to stay here and it's not fair to use that night as a reference for me saying that we would. Ever since then, I have been distancing myself from them and its putting a real strain on my relationship with my wife. She absolutely does not want to go back home. I grew up with my family around me and it is what I want for my children as well now that all of my family has kids the same age. I have family and friends back home that I grew up my whole life and even lived with for years. My wife on the other hand, since moving up here, has decided that she doesn't care about her family back home. She sees this new couple and their kids as her new family. I've even heard her say "I love you" to her "girlfriend". Whenever I talk about the fact that I don't want to be here, we both get really sad and just talk about everything but it never really seems to get anywhere. I know she wants to stay here and doesn't want to go home. She knows I don't want to stay here at ALL. I have told her that I cannot see myself being happy as long as we are in this current situation. In the last few months I started taking depression/anxiety medication. I am absolutely certain that a large portion of this is because of this situation. I've never been the MOST sexual person, but ever since I've been back, I've had almost no desire to do anything. We have sex every now and then, and it's always fun at the time. Internally though it's hard for me to want to do anything. It sounds silly but I feel like if we are having sex, it's like me telling my wife that I'm ok with everything, and I'm not. About 2 months ago, during one discussion where I was clearly down. We got into everything. It ended with the idea that basically we want different things. She wants this lifestyle and I do not. We cried and hugged and had sort of settled on the fact that we just aren't seeing things the same way. It honestly felt like a break-up. I was under the idea that there was a very good chance that we were going to be through. A few days later, there was a bunch of drama with the other couple that ended with them telling my wife that we were all basically through, she was considering divorcing her husband, and she just needed time alone from us. Her husband came by and dropped off all our stuff that was at their house. It also felt like a breakup. My wife was a mess, but quickly started to accept the outcome and started talking about how maybe this was just what was supposed to happen and it's for the best and blah blah. It was the happiest I could remember being in the last 6 months. We were through with them, going back home. I was elated. A few days later, everyone makes up and it's back to the same old poo poo. I'm internally crushed and my wife knows it. Another big thing worth mentioning is my wife's recent absurdly irresponsible spending habits. We barely scrape by every month and are almost always struggling financially. We are constantly paying for things for them as well. We even have them added on our phone service. The idea was that they would pay us the difference on our bill but I have yet to see a dime. This is the other big part of my depression/anxiety. I try to reason with her about what she possibly thinks we would do about money when I get out. We would no longer have free insurance or housing allowance, or even a guaranteed pay check. Fresh out of the military I don't see us making as much as I make currently, so if we are struggling now, it's only going to get worse. Back home, it's about 30% cheaper to live across the board. We have family that would happily let us stay with them while we get back on our feet, AND we would have help with the children. Up here we would have no family, only this couple (who is worse off than us financially). These days, my wife hangs out at their house a lot without me. She knows I don't like to hang out over there. I honestly enjoy the time to myself here. I usually keep our 4 year old with me and put him to bed and play video games. When she is around, which seems like about 50% of the time, I'm usually pretty mopey and blah. It's not something I try to do, but it just kind of works out that way. I don't know what to do. I feel like knowing that I can't be happy up here means I can't stay here. But going back home with my wife would mean SHE isn't happy. I have a family to consider. I can't tell if I'm being selfish by going back home and making her unhappy. Even worse, if she refuses to go, am I being even more selfish to go by myself? I have children to consider. The thought of divorce puts a pit in my stomach, but if it came to that, what would that mean for our children? My wife can't support them by herself... It's kind of come up in our talks and she's said things like "You'd rather leave me and go home than stay here with me?" but I could always turn the question back around on her and ask "You'd rather leave me and stay with them instead of coming back home with me?" I am all but convinced that if we had never met this couple, my wife wouldn't even be thinking twice about moving. The whole thing is a mess. I feel like I haven't even touched on most of it but my head is a mess right now. I love my wife. I love my kids. But I hate my life right now. **TL;DR Started swinging about a year ago with my wife and now she loves a couple and doesn't want to move, even though it was our plan and it's making me unhappy.**
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Oct 5, 2018 03:31
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Straight White Shark posted:I [24f] did not call into work at my boyfriend's [27m] and he's furious Wake me up three and a half hours before my alarm on a work night to buy you cigarettes ? Sounds like I've got 3.5 hours to dispose of the body.
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Oct 5, 2018 03:52
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