Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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Not a Children: Oct 9, 2012; Don't need a holster if you never stop shooting.

Edgar Allan Pwned posted:

someone mentioned Elise D's story on getting rid of cats. Does have anyone have a reference?

also thanks loq for being so consistent with the thread + getting help from h. h

Gotchoo fam

quote:

I'm gonna tell you guys a completely unrelated story about my childhood.

I've kinda let pieces of my growing-up slide into my writing here. It was a lovely period of my life and I'm glad it's over. My parents split up when I was about ten; before that they had fought constantly, and my house had been an unpleasant place to be, so I slept outside during the summer (Texas is hot almost all year) and spent as much time in the woods behind our house as possible. My parents gave me a machete when I was eight, in case of snakes.

When they actually broke up and my mom took us five kids to her mother's house in the deep deep woods of southeast Texas, a place known as the Big Thicket, things didn't get much better. She was critically depressed and unemployed, her mother was a toxic harpy who hoarded cats inside and outside of the house, and we were all still technically "homeschooled" so we basically never saw other humans. Armed with my machete, I would disappear into the forest for days at a time, living off caches of Beenie Weenie and edible plants and coming home when I needed to restock or I had too many splinters and thorns in my feet to walk comfortably. I had enormous, bushy brown hair, thick glasses, and buck teeth, and I ran half-naked in the woods like a little troll.

This state fluctuated for years. I came back for church services, craving human interaction, and sometimes I would spend a few weeks at home. When we got the internet and I was suddenly able to email my cousin, I sent her huge emails every single day for months, which required me to be home for an hour or two every day. One summer, though, I had a really hard time convincing myself to be home at all, I had completely stopped even trying to do any homeschool work, and the onset of puberty had left me with longer legs and thus a further range for my rambling. My mom talked to her mother, who suggested that I should get a job.

A job, this far out in the woods, was kind of a laughable prospect. It was a half-mile of dirt road for us just to get to the nearest asphalt, and another ten miles to reach the 200-person "community" we considered ourselves members of, and a good forty-minute drive to the closest real town, the eight-thousand-soul population of Jasper.

I think I was thirteen. My mom asked our closest neighbors if they had any work, and I took a branch lopper and my machete into their back garden and removed an influx of yaupons that was crowding their squash. It took me all day and they paid me $5, which I gave to my kid sister because I had literally no use for money, but she occasionally went to visit a friend from Sunday School and was driven past the Rayburn Superette on her way. And that was the extent of the work in the area.

So my mom gave me another job. Instead of cash, she promised to pay me in books-- she would take me to the secondhand bookstore in Beaumont, a full day trip, and let me choose ten whole books, if I would kill Mama Cat.

Mama Cat was feral. Grandma had hoarded her once, but as the inbreeding and infighting and population increased, Mama Cat moved out into the woods. There, she carried on a long career of having poo poo-tons of kittens, mostly by her own children, until she was pumping out two or even three litters of increasingly mutated kittens every year. Some of them, like Tiny Tim, were re-domesticated despite their deformities-- Timmy had a "janky leg" that he dragged behind him, a distended abdomen, and hosed-up ears-- but most of them she would eventually carry back to the house and leave to die, all too twisted and broken to survive for long.

We had caught her once and tried to take her in for spaying. She escaped from the laundry basket trap and wasn't seen again until the next litter.

So the next logical step was euthanasia, I guess.

The neighbor with the squash patch gave me a .22 and some basic instruction. I practiced in the yard until I could reliably hit a target not too far away, squinting through my filthy glasses. Then I went out hunting Mama Cat.

It took me about a week. Tracking a cat in the forest is a loving insane thing to even attempt, especially for a kid with lopsided woodcraft in the heavy favor of "sleeping in a pile of pine needles." She only returned to the house under cover of darkness, so I laid bait for her and followed her until I had a pretty good idea of which direction she was going each time, then baited and watched that direction until I could follow her further, etc etc. It was boring as gently caress, I remember that much. I was used to roaming free and playing in the mud, and sitting very still for hours at a time with a can of delicious-smelling tuna nearby was not in my usual playbook. I focused on the idea of all the books I wanted to buy-- I had no idea which books would be available, but I figured there would be lots of books about dragons, about wizard princesses, about robots, about monsters at the bottom of the ocean. I told myself fanciful stories about the plots of these books, inventing characters to expect, imagining the cover art.

I finally cornered Mama Cat in a run-down abandoned barn a good ways out into the woods. I'd been there before numerous times; it was surprisingly devoid of snakes and its floor was pounded dirt, easy to stretch out on. There was even a loft, which I'd never attempted before because I feared heights, and it was in this loft that I found Mama Cat.

She was hunched in the corner, attempting to nurse a litter of kittens so deformed that two of them had already died. The three living ones that remained struggled to nurse, and had Timmy-like abnormalities combined with even worse. One of them had no eyelids, and its semi-formed eyeballs bulged from their sockets, opaque glassy shapes like pinched marbles, as if two eyes had tried to grow where each one was supposed to be. One of them had what I would, years later, learn in an air-conditioned class of normal adults to call a gastrocele, a stomach on the outside of its body.

One of the dead kittens had been chewed on pretty good.

There were maggots.

I would like to pretend that I struggled a little. For years, when I looked back, I imagined myself lying on my belly on the rafter, rotten hay prickling my bare belly, the stench of death and the purulent heat of summer like a premonition weighing me down, reminding myself of all the reasons why Mama Cat had to die and why I would not be a horrible person if I killed her.

The fact is, I lined up my .22 in the most awkward possible way, butt against the top of my shoulder, wiped my glasses against my other shoulder, and shot Mama Cat without really thinking about it. I got her in the side of the head and she died immediately. Her doomed kittens screamed and squirmed, and I elbow-dragged myself to the corner of the loft and examined them with a weird sense of detachment. I pushed Mama Cat's corpse through an open space and let it fall to the pounded dirt floor; I pushed the dead kittens after her. Then I felt a qualm of conscience, looking at those poor little fuckers with their mother's blood all over them, licking and mouthing each other in desperate search for the departed nipple.

Then I crushed each one behind the skull with the barrel of the .22, because it was too small a space to swing the butt, and I pushed each one down from the loft and climbed down and left.

I can't tell you what I felt afterward. I felt numb and very light and, for the first time in my life, like I wasn't actually a person. I felt like a robot. I thought about robots in stories, and how they want to be human and feel things. I thought about Data from Star Trek, and how the maggots had moved.

I returned the .22 to Mr. Robertson, walked home, poured myself a glass of milk from the fridge, and told Mom that the job was done. "Take a bath," she said, so I did. I didn't leave the house again for a week, until Mom took me to Beaumont, where I picked out ten books. I had deceived myself: my mother is intensely religious and was, at the time, paranoid about witchcraft, so instead of fantasy novels I ended up buying a cookbook about gingerbread houses, an illustrated history of Ireland, two of CS Lewis's non-Narnia books, and some other things I barely remember now. I think I bought a James Michener novel because it was thick, and I wanted it to last. I brought this bounty home, and I didn't sleep outside again for months.

By Elise the Great, forums superstar

# ? Oct 10, 2018 00:08

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# ? May 17, 2024 23:06

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Sagebrush posted:

Yeah if you find a place that costs like $50 or more you will be able to take them a picture of a haircut you like and they will recreate it in a way that works for your head and face.

If you're feeling brave and want to change, you can also just tell them to give you something that's in style and let them decide. Be aware that most stylish haircuts need more work than just wash-and-dry, but if you're willing to spend a few minutes putting a little bit of stuff in your hair in the morning, that'll take you from "hey, you got a haircut" to "oh wow, that looks great."

can i show them anime hair becuase i want anime hair

# ? Oct 10, 2018 00:55

sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

lol rapist goon confessor

it sure would be an inconvenience if someone found out about your rape

# ? Oct 10, 2018 18:58

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Feral forest-dwelling goon, that was a good read. You should let the thread know when your next book gets published

# ? Oct 10, 2018 20:10

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Play posted:

can i show them anime hair becuase i want anime hair

go in with a crewcut and show them a picture of Seymour from FFX

quote:

So, I've been happily married for over 20 years. I married my high school sweetheart and never looked back. She's basically the yin to my yang. I also have the typical trappings of a middle class life(house on acreage, decent cars, two great teen boys etc) I manage a really small company that makes a really obscure set of parts for a really obscure field of research. As such, it's a really small mom and pop company that pays me really well, and has allowed me to grow into the current position I'm at now(operations manager). The work environment is challenging and supportive and fulfilling and I've never wanted to work anywhere else.

After the housing crisis in 2009, we had to let go of most of our employees. It was just me, the owner and the front office manager plus a part time person that would come in and help out. The office manager(early 50's matronly woman) was the only person that I'd see everyday, and it was basically just to go over typical work stuff for a few minutes each day. About three months ago, she announced that she'd be leaving to another state. The owners hired a new office manager, and this is where poo poo goes sideways.

The new office manager is a 28 year old woman, and really attractive. This is sort of breaking my brain a little bit, since the last 18 years I've worked at this place, I've never been attracted to any of my coworkers. Even worse is that she's this perky, vivacious person who's really nice and down to earth. I could probably deal with this better if she was a total rear end in a top hat to everyone, but she's really nice and considerate. She knows I'm married, but we flirt all the time just due to the fact that we're really similar in personality and how we interact just sort of comes naturally. Also, we catch each other sneaking glances at one another very often. I'm fairly certain there's some chemistry there, but I also know that she's just a naturally flirty person as well.

I'm a 40 year old guy. I look okay for my age but I also have the typical low self esteem that you get with being middle aged. To be getting any kind of attention from someone as young and attractive as her is really flattering and it's sort of breaking my brain a little. I started working out again, and eating right. I didn't care too much about this stuff until she came into the picture.

When she mentioned that she started seeing someone, I was a little relieved since I was probably close to doing something stupid. As it turns out, the guy she's dating has the same name as me and is also 45 years old(?) I don't know what to make of that. Is this her attempt to alleviate her feelings for me? Does she even have feelings for me? gently caress, I really don't know...

It gets weirder. She's a recovering alcoholic. She's had a couple of dui convictions, and she just recently lost her license for three months because of that. Naturally, I offered to drive her anywhere if she needed it, and to carpool because our work hours are similar.This was probably unwise, since now I'm around her much more outside of work. So, on top of everything else she's a bit of a train wreck. She has an Instagram where she documents her road to recovery, and it's filled with your typical Instagram girl attempts at fishing for compliments from all the guys who comment on it. Naturally, she looks great in all of her pictures and it's mostly just thirsty guys commenting on her pics. I don't know if that's just what attractive 20 something girls do on Instagram. As I said, I don't really have a frame of reference for all of this.

tl;dr, I'm lusting after a colleague who is way younger than me and also a hot mess. I'm fairly certain there is something between us, but not totally sure. I know that I'd probably destroy my marriage in a heartbeat if she asked me to, and I'm having problems dealing with that. Also she's dating a guy that seems like a Best Value version of me. FML

I mean, you seem perfectly aware that acting on any of this would be the worst idea on earth, so I won't patronize you by saying any more than that, but if you do end up doing so please send in a followup, TIA :tipshat:

quote:

I sent in a fake /r/legaladvice post recently.

It had a kernel of truth but most of it was fabricated. It got some decent replies, and eventually got posted to BOLA. I gave Loq a quote from the BOLA thread to serve as a passphrase.

Anyways, it looks like it's really taking off and the more I try to amp things up to make it clear I'm a troll, the more people believe it's real. I would not be surprised if it ends up going viral.

My confession is that I then plan to admit it was entirely fabricated to a journalist friend, to call attention to the low journalistic standards of our day. So often something gets posted on Reddit, retweeted/capped/discussed, thought pieces written... and there's never any ground truth.

As someone who's written multiple fishes (sometimes true, sometimes false) I often wonder how much of the things we discuss are fake/real.

Anyways, I guess that's a larger meta-level fish: I love to troll. I usually do it in cheeky and fun ways - my thread wasn't some edge lord "LOL I LOVE TO WATCH RAPE PORN AND MY 3D GF DON'T LIKE IT", it was a subtle tapestry weaving together the topics of the day. It punched up, not down. It is beautiful and I love it.

Poe's Law strikes again

At any rate, my rule regarding content ITT is that I don't really care whether it's authentic unless it is so poorly fabricated that I feel it insults my intelligence, but R Slash Legal Advice probably would be bothered by finding out something was made up

For the record I can't find the BOLA thread on Google, because someone has apparently adopted the quote from the passphrase as a "flair" and it's confusing Google

# ? Oct 10, 2018 20:36

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

married goon, cut off your dick asap!!!!!!!

# ? Oct 10, 2018 20:43

Rad-daddio: Apr 25, 2017

Married goon and fatwife goon need to go bowling together. If anything, just to get them out of their situations for a bit.

# ? Oct 10, 2018 21:10

DogsInSpace!: Sep 11, 2001; Fun Shoe

sugar free jazz posted:

married goon, cut off your dick asap!!!!!!!

This SEEMS like a joke but, in this case, might be sound advice. �She�s flirty, young and hot but a bit of a disaster� never works out well. Even if she IS liking the idea of you this will end messy. You will lose everything and end up known as �<insert town�s name> Harvey Weinstein.� Just rub one out/gently caress your wife while thinking of her a couple times and move on. Since you won�t follow any of this advice just share your name/loc so we can laugh at your folly. Anyone want to bet she ends up pregnant if they have sex?

Also adventure time rape goon: even though you didn�t insert your penis into va-jayjay and people will cover for you that is still Bill Cosbyesque sexual assault. Congrats on levelling up your Republican levels. I really hope this wasn�t real and just puppet master trolling. I want to imagine goons being more Haha weird and less ew creepster. I want to believe.

# ? Oct 11, 2018 19:19

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

Adventure Time Goon: are you white? Just come out ahead of it and announce that you�re sorry and you know it was wrong and it haunts you and you�ll be hailed as brave by the worst people on earth and probably given a raise or promotion or book deal or a show on Fox.

Hot co-worker goon:

She has daddy issues. It�s not a hard situation to read.

# ? Oct 11, 2018 19:23

Oscar Wild: Apr 11, 2006; It's good to be a G

~~If you're married,~~ you probably shouldn't have younger co-workers that are attention seeking friends on social media. The worst outcomes are more numerous and more probable than the best outcome.

# ? Oct 11, 2018 19:31

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I actually like the newest Ghost album

That one didn't count, but it was short enough that it would have taken more words for me to summarize it than to just post it

Skipping someone just verbatim sending in the story from Not a Children's post

quote:

I've been literally dreaming about a girl since we were in high school together. I'm 25.

It was one of those things where we were in completely different social circles (and I was a dumb coward) so I never asked her out. But I definitely obsessed over her at the time and into college�I pored over her social media and saved all of her pictures. I never stalked her or followed her in real life�I never had any illusions that my fixation was a one-sided affair. And of course I've thought about many women over the course of my lifetime. But I spent so much time thinking about her that it more or less burned her into the subconscious of my growing mind. Every few weeks to months she will appear in a dream of mine as if we had always been together�even though, as I said before, we belonged to different social circles and barely ever interacted.

I still follow her on social media�Twitter, Instagram and YouTube (she deleted her Facebook years ago). We both live in the same state we grew up in�sometimes I fantasize about bumping into her in our hometown, or messaging her for a date. But it's just an idle fantasy at this point. I would even say it's gotten to be annoying�I want to get over her but I can't do that when I'm constantly reminded of her. Makes me think I should talk to her just to shock my brain into getting over her.

So yeah, I'm a loser.

You probably shouldn't do that, I don't think shocking your brain works like that

I dunno, honestly you don't strike me as particularly dangerous from this post, but this is still not a constructive fixation to have :shrug:

Plenty of people follow high-school acquaintances they barely knew then and haven't spoken to in years on social media, but if your problem is that you keep being "reminded" of her you should probably put a stop to that. And as usual I'm gonna advise you to fill your brain with something positive -- try dating other people if you haven't been, and try dating them more seriously if you've been doing it casually.

quote:

Basically my confession is my entire financial future hinges on my grandfather dying, like REAL soon. I have been counting on it for months now but he keeps hanging on. I have no job, I moved back in at home and I only have one more credit card payment's worth of cash left before I start going delinquent. I have approximately 25k in high interest credit card debt so my minimum payment is roughly at around 700 dollars. His inheritance will buy me a couple decades of a cushion as long as my parents let me stay here rent and food cost free.

I guess this would be a story of someone in a lovely situation trying to get out of debt, but it's not. I still use my credit cards. The balance I've been carrying hasn't gone down in over a year. Whenever a payment goes through I immediately spend it on booze and stuff I can trade for other drugs.

So if he doesn't die really soon, I have to start looking into bankruptcy I guess. I won't lie, I've thought about accelerating the process but the alcoholic buried in mountains of debt would be #1 suspect immediately so that's out of the question. It's getting hard to hide my frustration every time my parents come back and report promising news. Head toward the light god damnit.

Have you considered getting a job OP

Like, you can rush it along and be the prime suspect in a murder case I guess, but maybe you should try getting a job first, just sayin

# ? Oct 11, 2018 19:46

Azza Bamboo: Apr 7, 2018; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021

What if his will says "gently caress you in particular, 25k debt anon"

# ? Oct 11, 2018 19:50

thoughts and prayers: Apr 22, 2013; Love heals all wounds. We hope you continually carry love in your heart. Today and always, may loving memories bring you peace, comfort, and strength. We sympathize with the family of (Name). We shall never forget you in our prayers and thoughts. I am at a loss for words during this sorrowful time.

Killing Loaf posted:

not op btw, i just dress ~~like poo poo~~ moderately ok/not that great, but have no interest in learning how fashion works for myself

And that, young Jedi, is why you fail

# ? Oct 11, 2018 20:01

thoughts and prayers: Apr 22, 2013; Love heals all wounds. We hope you continually carry love in your heart. Today and always, may loving memories bring you peace, comfort, and strength. We sympathize with the family of (Name). We shall never forget you in our prayers and thoughts. I am at a loss for words during this sorrowful time.

"I want all the benefits but I don't want to understand anything or lift a goddamn finger"

you deserve to be alone

# ? Oct 11, 2018 20:02

Burning_Monk: Jan 11, 2005; Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to know

Inheritance should be outlawed. Raise your own self up, leech!

# ? Oct 11, 2018 20:07

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

cut your dick off credit card goon.

lazy rear end shouldn't be allowed to breed.

# ? Oct 11, 2018 20:14

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Credit card goon, file for bankruptcy.

If it's all credit card debt and no student loan stuff, you can be home free! Save up two of those $700 payments and go find a bankruptcy attorney in your area.

Then when you get that inheritance, you won't have to blow $25k of it paying back debts.

# ? Oct 11, 2018 20:23

RCarr: Dec 24, 2007

Don't worry, as long as his parents let him live there for free and pay for all his food for 20-30+ years he will be fine.

# ? Oct 11, 2018 20:28

turd in my singlet: Jul 5, 2008; DO ALL DA WORK

WIT YA NECK

*heavy metal music playing*; Nap Ghost

Burning_Monk posted:

Inheritance should be outlawed. Raise your own self up, leech!

what's worse, libertarians or spoiled rich idiots?

thoughts and prayers posted:

"I want all the benefits but I don't want to understand anything or lift a goddamn finger"

you deserve to be alone

suck my balls, fashion sucks

just wanna lift and get swole and wear comfy shorts and a t shirt

# ? Oct 11, 2018 21:24

A Strange Aeon: Mar 26, 2010; You are now a slimy little toad; The Great Twist

How do you prevent a daughter from growing up with daddy issues?

# ? Oct 11, 2018 22:02

Tax Inductions: Jul 9, 2007; I carry refreshments to the good guys
I made the good guys some home fries

A Strange Aeon posted:

How do you prevent a daughter from growing up with daddy issues?

Refraining from abusing, neglecting, or abandoning them is not a guarantee but it definitely helps.

# ? Oct 11, 2018 22:14

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

Dr. Feelgood posted:

Whenever a payment goes through I immediately spend it on booze and stuff I can trade for other drugs.

Uh yeah, I think that this is the root of the problem, not granpa dying or not dying.

# ? Oct 11, 2018 22:16

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

RCarr posted:

Don't worry, as long as his parents let him live there for free and pay for all his food for 20-30+ years he will be fine.

I don't think bankruptcy hurts you that much. Probably like 7 years?

The finance industry gets so desperate to lend during bubbles that at some point some institution won't give a gently caress you went bankrupt 5 years ago, and then once one of them lends to you, they all look at you better.

# ? Oct 11, 2018 22:49

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Is that dying grandfather thing just Stephen Lynch fanfic or what?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUDO_dtA_-8

# ? Oct 11, 2018 23:01

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Hot younger co-worker goon: gently caress her and report back when she tells you she's pregnant with your child and demands child support/abortion/money for whatever, or she'll send pictures of your orgasmic face that she covertly took while you were unleashing a hot creamy jihad in her box to your wife, before throwing herself down a set of stairs to "have a miscarriage"

I mean, :sever:

# ? Oct 11, 2018 23:38

jobson groeth: May 17, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

Mods: Please change my name to Hot Creamy Jihad

# ? Oct 11, 2018 23:57

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

A suave, debonair gentleman posted:

Uh yeah, I think that this is the root of the problem, not granpa dying or not dying.

I should also point out that there's a pretty good chance that grandpa is not an idiot, and knows that Junior is hosed up on booze and drugs, and would blow his inheritance on booze and drugs, in which case you're probably out of the will.

# ? Oct 12, 2018 03:02

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Gynovore posted:

I should also point out that there's a pretty good chance that grandpa is not an idiot, and knows that Junior is hosed up on booze and drugs, and would blow his inheritance on booze and drugs, in which case you're probably out of the will.

A spendthrift trust would be the better way to handle it unless they're disowning them.

# ? Oct 12, 2018 03:03

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Burning_Monk posted:

Inheritance should be outlawed. Raise your own self up, leech!

From what I understand, the US tax code for inheritances is absurdly lax.

# ? Oct 12, 2018 08:38

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

This lede was a little buried but inheritance mentioned being totally willing to kill his Grandpa but being too stupid/chickenshit to get away with it, not out of trying to end his Pop-Pop�s suffering but just to be a lazy piece of poo poo forever...

Also lol at the idea that your parents will just coddle you forever while you spend all your grampa�s money on booze and pills and stuff.

Do the world a favor OP and donate both kidneys and your brain to science ASAP or maybe attempt to care for yourself because it sounds like you�re on your way to no one caring about you.

# ? Oct 12, 2018 11:39

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

I don't know, my uncle did it. He lived with my grandma his entire life and did nothing but drink until he died in his 60s. It's not exactly something to aspire for though - when he died there was nobody in the whole family whose reaction wasn't some variant of "thank god" or "finally".

# ? Oct 12, 2018 11:56

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I don't know, my uncle did it. He lived with my grandma his entire life and did nothing but drink until he died in his 60s. It's not exactly something to aspire for though - when he died there was nobody in the whole family whose reaction wasn't some variant of "thank god" or "finally".

Your grandmother, like the confessor�s parents, utterly failed him

# ? Oct 12, 2018 11:58

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Bust Rodd posted:

Your grandmother, like the confessor�s parents, utterly failed him

Well, yeah, alcoholics aren't good parents, but even considering that he was a dick.

# ? Oct 12, 2018 12:25

Cage: Jul 17, 2003; www.revivethedrive.org

Bust Rodd posted:

Your grandmother, like the confessor�s parents, utterly failed him

Nah maybe she was cool and knew how to have a good time, too.

# ? Oct 12, 2018 13:37

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Cage posted:

Nah maybe she was cool and knew how to have a good time, too.

They weren't the cool kind of alcoholics, they were the antisocial smelly kind prone to random spurts of violence when they aren't pissing or puking on things. I never saw him awake in my entire life, he was always passed out on the couch. Also he tried to kill my dad/his brother by bashing his face with a brick.

# ? Oct 12, 2018 13:55

Son of Man: Jan 29, 2003; by Azathoth

start sharing your stash with grandpa. you won't be so lonely then and neither will he. you can strengthen your relationship with another generation of your family and the unhealthy lifestyle will surely hasten his doom.

# ? Oct 12, 2018 16:07

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

yeah I eat rear end posted:

They weren't the cool kind of alcoholics, they were the antisocial smelly kind prone to random spurts of violence when they aren't pissing or puking on things. I never saw him awake in my entire life, he was always passed out on the couch. Also he tried to kill my dad/his brother by bashing his face with a brick.

Jesus christ, no wonder you eat rear end..

# ? Oct 12, 2018 17:44

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

wesleywillis posted:

Jesus christ, no wonder you eat rear end..

what, you don't?

# ? Oct 12, 2018 17:50

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

RFC2324 posted:

what, you don't?

~~Yeah I eat rear end~~

Yes, I have been known to enter that area facially.

# ? Oct 12, 2018 17:54

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# ? May 17, 2024 23:06

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I saw a news segment on Vice about civil confinement in Washington state. Essentially, the state's most vile predators, once they have completed their prison terms, are sentenced to live on an island permanently (barring successful treatment), in semi-confinement (can't leave the island, but there's far more freedom than in prison). My confession is that I would love to live on one of these islands. It seems like such a peaceful life, essentially living in a small island community. I've had a good life so far, but I've had more than my share of stresses, and the freedom I've gained from my independence has not been quite worth it. It's obviously an impossible pipedream (and one that would not actually be fun in the way I am imagining it, of course), but there's just an incredible appeal to me of simply slowly wandering around an island and reading books for the rest of my life.

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBUJREw_aqE

I'm not sure if this is ironic because I don't have time to watch the video at the moment, but I read a take on Brave New World pointing out something like this is basically what Bernard's future at the end of his portion of the book looks like, except with "most vile predators" swapped out for "most free-thinking intellectuals," and he really has no reason to be mad about it, but he is anyway because Bernard is a miserable rear end in a top hat

Anyway the difference between that scenario and this one is the part about the vile predators, who might ruin your transcendentalist experience

Also when double-checking what the first protagonist of Brave New World's name was I found that his full name is Bernard Marx. Which feels a little on-the-nose in 2018. Sounds like the kind of name a Freeper would make up for the villain in an objectivist fanfiction.

quote:

This is the guy who is married to the really obese woman. I thought it would be good to give a followup, since some people in the thread gave advice on how to change things.

I talked with my wife about her habits, and the fact that I tend to do most all of the stuff around the house(cooking, cleaning, shopping, meal prep etc). I was as non confrontational as I could be. I presented some small short term goals, such as having her help out with meal prep and taking turns on some of the household chores. She was defensive about the conversation, mostly because I've been noticeably more annoyed with this situation since my confession. My wife immediately asked me if I was having an affair. This is a goto accusation for her, since she always assumes that I'm sleeping with everyone and everything just because I go to the gym and she doesn't. At this point, I didn't even bring up her weight or health issues. I was just trying to start a dialogue on how to better divide the household chores so I don't have to do them all.

After we agreed to some changes, things were okay for a week. After that, dishes started piling up in the sink and the litter box was becoming a disaster. Those were her only two chores. So, I mentioned that she needed to clean the litter box more often and the dishes didn't need to sit in the sink. They can go in the dishwasher. She was sitting on the couch reading, and she never even acknowledged that I was talking to her. i let it go for two more days, but I ended up having to do both of her chores so the house didn't start to stink. I'm still doing them.

Next up, I tried gently talking to her about her weight. I told her that I love her, and that I wanted her to be healthy in the coming years since we're both not getting younger. I mentioned that being more active would make her happier and that we could try some healthy meals together. Currently, I cook healthy meals for the entire family. Instead of eating these meals, my wife brings home fast food or usually some other takeout or she just gets flustered and prepares her own high fat, high carb unhealthy meal. She used to be resistant to me making healthier dishes, but once she found out that she could still prepare her own junk food she left me alone. My two kids don't really like to eat junk food anymore. We do occasionally, but it's a rare treat rather than an everyday occurrence. My one small victory in all of this is that my kids have healthy tastes and habits now.

She didn't like the idea of changing at all. Not only was she against the idea of healthier meals that she could have a say in, she also flatly refused the idea of going to the gym with me or even just going for a walk at night. I usually go to the gym in the early morning, but I offered to change up my schedule, and even if I had to go twice a day it wouldn't be a big deal. I just want her to be healthy for her sake and the kids'. It would be nice if they had a mom who could actually do things with them, instead of just sitting around and complaining about everything. Again, she accused me of having an affair. Then she said that I should take the kids and go with whoever I was loving on the side so that she can be left in peace. She also tossed out some of that HAES bullshit, which was really strange to hear in real life and not some reddit meme.

I don't know what my next steps are. She's basically said that she won't change any part of her lifestyle, and she apparently has no desire to help around the house. I'm basically at square one. I feel like time is slipping away from me, and I could be in a relationship with a happier, healthier person instead of mired down in all if this drama.

I think at this point you've done a lot of the due-diligence you have to do before you hit your :sever:

threshold honestly

Do you know what your kids think about her? That's an important piece which seems to have been left out.

# ? Oct 12, 2018 21:07

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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