PYF Stupid Lifehacks: Oh, so that's how you smoke a jay.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF Stupid Lifehacks: Oh, so that's how you smoke a jay.

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Len: Jan 21, 2008; Pouches, bandages, shoulderpad, cyber-eye...

Bitchin'!

Jerry Cotton posted:

HAVE YOU BEEN USING PAPER CATSUP CUPS WRONG ALL YOUR LIFE?

No. Some dude dug up the original patents from 1910 or 1911 and they bare no indication that the cup is supposed to be spread out. They're made without glue (thus making it possible to spread them out) because glue costs money. No-one needs that much catsup anyway.

I need the link on that so I can just post it whenever I see someone share a "OMG I CANT BELIEVE IVE BEEN DOING IT WRONG" post

# ? Oct 19, 2018 18:15

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# ? May 24, 2024 09:51

Karate Bastard: Jul 31, 2007; Soiled Meat

HAVE YOU BEEN USING ALLCAPS WRONG ALL YOUR LIFE?

# ? Oct 19, 2018 18:24

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

Karate Bastard posted:

I'm hearing you describe a ketchup powered elastokinetic excursion event.

Brb, getting my sister to change her daughter's name.

# ? Oct 19, 2018 18:34

AlbieQuirky: Oct 9, 2012; Just me and my 🌊dragon🐉 hanging out

Sunswipe posted:

Brb, getting my sister to change her daughter's name.

Does not meet my test for children's names.

"Supreme Court Justice Ketchup-Powered Elastokinetic Excursion Event Johnson" is just not happening.

# ? Oct 19, 2018 18:41

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

AlbieQuirky posted:

Does not meet my test for children's names.

"Supreme Court Justice Ketchup-Powered Elastokinetic Excursion Event Johnson" is just not happening.

In the words of the noted philosopher Jack Donaghy, �don�t overthink the name. Stick to kings and queens of England. There will never be a President Ashton or a Doctor Katniss."

# ? Oct 19, 2018 18:54

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Len posted:

I need the link on that so I can just post it whenever I see someone share a "OMG I CANT BELIEVE IVE BEEN DOING IT WRONG" post

https://patents.google.com/patent/US1497755 I guess?

Oh this is the 1911 one https://patents.google.com/patent/US1065486A/

# ? Oct 19, 2018 19:59

jobson groeth: May 17, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

AlbieQuirky posted:

Does not meet my test for children's names.

"Supreme Court Justice Ketchup-Powered Elastokinetic Excursion Event Johnson" is just not happening.

Just lol if you think women will be allowed on the supreme court by the time this kid is old enough to fill a vacancy.

# ? Oct 19, 2018 20:19

Karate Bastard: Jul 31, 2007; Soiled Meat

AlbieQuirky posted:

Does not meet my test for children's names.

"Supreme Court Justice Ketchup-Powered Elastokinetic Excursion Event Johnson" is just not happening.

Well yeah.

Event is a surname. Obviously.

# ? Oct 19, 2018 20:55

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

A FUCKIN CANARY!! posted:

As has been noted, the hack for making a homemade glow stick in a Mountain Dew bottle doesn't work. The peroxide and Mountain Dew can create a dye that exhibits fluorescence when exposed certain kinds of energy (it will actually glow under a black light at this point), but there is no reaction taking place to produce this energy and cause the dye to emit photons. Fortunately, the blanks in this recipe can be filled in with stuff that's still readily available. After you shake the bottle to mix in the peroxide, fill the bottle to about the halfway point with muriatic acid. This is a common and cheap cleaning chemical that you can find at any Walmart or local hardware store.

Now, commercially produced glow sticks always have that capsule inside that you break to activate them, right? It's actually just finely powdered aluminum suspended in water. Right before you're ready to use your glow stick, shove in 5-6 strips of aluminum foil and shake the bottle again. The reaction might take a while to get going because of the large volume of the bottle, but you can speed it up slightly by wrapping your hands around it tightly and warming it with your body heat. It should reach full brightness within 10 minutes.

Despite containing dye that is yellow to the naked eye, the light emitted by this reaction will actually be a deep blue and should last for nearly 8 hours.

Also, in case you didn't figure it out, don't actually do this.

I think you could have made more of a point that doing this could kill or maim you, tbqh

# ? Oct 20, 2018 00:07

Screaming Idiot: Nov 26, 2007; JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

dreadmojo posted:

I think you could have made more of a point that doing this could kill or maim you, tbqh

The surprise is half the fun.

# ? Oct 20, 2018 00:33

A FUCKIN CANARY!!: Nov 9, 2005

Toast your bread in less time by inserting butter knives into the toaster! Each knife increases the voltage by 15%!

# ? Oct 20, 2018 04:20

Karate Bastard: Jul 31, 2007; Soiled Meat

I tried but it melted and caught on fire

# ? Oct 20, 2018 09:00

Tiggum: Oct 24, 2007; Your life and your quest end here.

Karate Bastard posted:

I tried but it melted and caught on fire

Did the fire make the bread toast quicker?

# ? Oct 20, 2018 09:06

Karate Bastard: Jul 31, 2007; Soiled Meat

No. Dad came in and yelled at me. It became soggy and wet and also the hamster died

# ? Oct 20, 2018 09:15

Chillbro Baggins: Oct 8, 2004; Bad Angus! Bad!

Bobby Digital posted:

In the words of the noted philosopher Jack Donaghy, “don’t overthink the name. Stick to kings and queens of England. There will never be a President Ashton or a Doctor Katniss."

My cousin named her new baby (he's a week old now) Jack. Could be worse, but Jack is a fuckin' nickname. To be fair, her dad's birth certificate says "Bobby Joe Baggins*" (Bob's my uncle) so there's precedent. (Grandma Baggins was ... not right in the head.)

*not our actual surname, but close enough. Dad's radio handle as an Army radioman in Vietnam and later as a trucker was "Bilbo" because his name is Bill (short for William, Grandpa insisted on giving him a real name. Bob's younger, after Grandpa had given up.)

In other news, I want to try to skirt the tent space rental at my local state park by anchoring my inflatable kayak in the lake and sleeping in it.

# ? Oct 20, 2018 10:01

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

your kayak will be punctured and eaten, with you still inside it, by an alligator gar

# ? Oct 20, 2018 10:13

Chillbro Baggins: Oct 8, 2004; Bad Angus! Bad!

InediblePenguin posted:

your kayak will be punctured and eaten, with you still inside it, by an alligator gar

The other state park, the one that only has pikefish and snakes. Snakes that like to climb into your boat. You're right, bad idea.

# ? Oct 20, 2018 10:38

jobson groeth: May 17, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

Chillbro Baggins posted:

The other state park, the one that only has pikefish and snakes. Snakes that like to climb into your boat. You're right, bad idea.

Snakes don't like fire so just have one burning all night on your kayak. Life hacked.

# ? Oct 20, 2018 10:45

Karate Bastard: Jul 31, 2007; Soiled Meat

We're talking one absolute unit of a snake here. Not sure that's such a good idea :stare:

# ? Oct 20, 2018 11:47

Grassy Knowles: Apr 4, 2003; "The original Terminator was a gritty fucking AMAZING piece of sci-fi. Gritty fucking rock-hard MURDER!"

Karate Bastard posted:

We're talking one absolute unit of a snake here. Not sure that's such a good idea

Just make the fire bigger then

# ? Oct 20, 2018 13:18

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

Chillbro Baggins posted:

The other state park, the one that only has pikefish and snakes. Snakes that like to climb into your boat. You're right, bad idea.

if you were aquaman you could order the pikefish to surround your kayak with their pike out like the British square

# ? Oct 20, 2018 17:19

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

I put it in the microwave and now I need a new microwave

# ? Oct 20, 2018 17:27

SiKboy: Oct 28, 2007; Oh no!😱

Grassy Knowles posted:

Just make the fire bigger then

If you are wanting to measure the fire, Kelvin is an absolute unit of a temperature scale.

# ? Oct 20, 2018 17:36

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

Chillbro Baggins posted:

The other state park, the one that only has pikefish and snakes. Snakes that like to climb into your boat. You're right, bad idea.

Anchor yourself in the middle of the lake.

# ? Oct 20, 2018 17:47

AlbieQuirky: Oct 9, 2012; Just me and my 🌊dragon🐉 hanging out

SiKboy posted:

If you are wanting to measure the fire, Kelvin is an absolute unit of a temperature scale.

# ? Oct 20, 2018 17:57

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

sandoz posted:

;ldkfldkfk

there is a specific tool made to trim the tails of zipties without leaving a small razor-sharp shard sticking out

Xcelite flush cutters.

# ? Oct 21, 2018 11:12

mostlygray: Nov 1, 2012; BURY ME AS I LIVED, A FREE MAN ON THE CLUTCH

Chillbro Baggins posted:

My cousin named her new baby (he's a week old now) Jack. Could be worse, but Jack is a fuckin' nickname...

Could be worse. My best friend in high school had a cousin who's last name was "Bair".

His parents named him "Smokey David Bair." "Smokey" as a given name.

All because they wanted "Smokey D. Bair" to be cute when he was a baby. He must be pushing 30 by now. I'm sure he got sick of the jokes 20 years ago. I guarantee that he goes by "David" these days.

Parents. Not even once.

# ? Oct 21, 2018 16:55