quote:

We're 1200 miles apart, relatively happy, but [i]I [/b]just need more right now. I don't know when or if we're going to be in the same place again and the thought of seeing each other once a month or less for several years is so daunting to me.

I don't want to break up and of course we would be exclusive if we were together again but currently, I am feeling extremely unfulfilled and lonely and just need something to "do" in the meantime! How can I do bring this up in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings but effectively gets my point across?

TL;DR: I don't want to hurt my boyfriend's feelings by wanting an open relationship while we're 1200 miles apart.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [20F] artsy friend wants to do a 'female empowerment' group photo shoot...Should I participate?

I'm a 20 year old female who goes to school with and is friends with a girl who does art/photography as a hobby. She has asked me to be a part of a 'female empowerment' themed group photo shoot.

I'm not 100% on all the details, but it would basically be 2-3 females and 2-3 males, posing in ways that, as she puts it 'turns the tables' on what we normally see. Her idea is to have the guys strip down (either to like boxers or fully nude) for some of the poses (since it's usually the girls), while the girls pose with them fully clothed. Poses with the girls being in 'positions of power', etc.

I know most of the other people she is asking to pose for the shoot. What do you all think? On one I like the idea, but on the other hand I'm a bit nervous about the idea? Any thoughts or advice?

TL;DR: Friend wants to do a female empowerment photo shoot...should I participate?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My mother joined a cult and now believes that I am possessed by an 'Evil Entity'.. The rest of my family and New Age 'Shaman' BIL is encouraging her delusions.

For years my [25 M] mom who has had a long time obsession with conspiracy theories has been telling me about this ranch in a state (I won't mention here) where people go and try to communicate with aliens via meditation and how she wanted to get tickets or w/e to go. I didn't think much of it because my mom is pretty quirky and gets really excited about stuff like that and I figured why burst her bubble? I didn't want her thinking that I considered what she would say as weird or crazy because I didn't want to hurt her feelings and I didn't see the harm.

​She flew out to visit me recently and to meet might girlfriend for the first time as my parents live in another state. When we picked her up she was acting somewhat normal at first but quickly started casually saying weird things. She talked about herself the WHOLE time and barely asked my gf one question about herself. Instead, she would talk about how she had seen a grey alien and knows it was a real experience or describe how her group(cult) does these weird breathing exercises that put them in a hallucinogenic state that is better than Ayahuasca. I have learned to keep my mouth shut because if I question these things my mom turns into a victim real quick and if she doesn't start crying she will act like I'm bullying her, and as if I get some sick enjoyment out of making her suffer.. so I bite my tongue and limit myself to saying brief things like "that's interesting", and "wow.. that's wild" despite being totally mortified and genuinely concerned.

​When she wasn't talking about those things she made sure to let my girlfriend know what a difficult child I was growing up and even referring to me as Damian(son of satan). My mom has always painted the picture to everyone that I was so incredibly mean to her when I was a child which has always bothered me. I would not want to do certain things and would protest like many other young children and toddlers and she would cry and tell me that I must hate her because I didn't want to follow her around and watch her do errands all day. Once she even told me while sobbing over a mundane disagreement that as a mother she knows she should feel love for me but just doesn't and that worries her, I was probably 9 or 10 years old.

I later told her in private that I didn't like the way she brought up my behavior as a child all the time because a A. I don't agree with her and B. It brings up painful memories and feelings guilt I felt as a young child. She appeared to be receptive and told me she would respect that and I thanked her and grateful we could have a dialogue about it.

​Less than a week later she texts me out of the blue in the middle of the day and tells me that we need to face time. My parents hardly call me once a year to ask how I am doing or tell me anything so I'm thinking this must be big and I thought it was going to be good news since she insisted on face timing me.. We face time and she tells me that when she was at her alien contact group(cult) 'conference' and while she was there spoke to a member who was also a psychic who told her in a past life I was a confederate soldier who made a pact with an evil entity and essentially that this is why I haven't lived up to my potential and why I was so mean and why me and my sister aren't close with each other. She kept using the word "infestation" which is something that people use when describing demonic possession. I told her that what she was saying is truly hurtful and she would say "well I'm sorry that what I said doesn't resonate with you" she advised me I to ask my 'Shaman' brother in law perform a cleansing to get rid of it. I called my dad and told him what she said to me and he said that it's not that big of a deal my BIL helped him get rid of an entity attachment recently... On one level the whole thing is ridiculous and rather humorous on another it's extremely profoundly worrisome and deeply painful.

What do I do?

​Also if there are any therapists out there what does this seem like to you? I have never questioned my mothers sanity before but I am beginning to feel concerned considering things seem to be escalating.

**TL;DR; : My [25/m] mother is part of a cult that alleges to be in contact with aliens through meditation. A fellow member told her that I made a pact with an 'Evil Entity' in my past life as a confederate soldier during the civil war. My entire family seems to either believe it or their all just going along with it BIL is encouraging her delusions because it validates his own self proclaimed status as a so called"Shaman".

Pick posted:

Blood on the stairs??!

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [20F] artsy friend wants to do a 'female empowerment' group photo shoot...Should I participate?

I'm a 20 year old female who goes to school with and is friends with a girl who does art/photography as a hobby. She has asked me to be a part of a 'female empowerment' themed group photo shoot.

I'm not 100% on all the details, but it would basically be 2-3 females and 2-3 males, posing in ways that, as she puts it 'turns the tables' on what we normally see. Her idea is to have the guys strip down (either to like boxers or fully nude) for some of the poses (since it's usually the girls), while the girls pose with them fully clothed. Poses with the girls being in 'positions of power', etc.

I know most of the other people she is asking to pose for the shoot. What do you all think? On one I like the idea, but on the other hand I'm a bit nervous about the idea? Any thoughts or advice?

TL;DR: Friend wants to do a female empowerment photo shoot...should I participate?

Pick posted:

MrQwerty posted:

are you OK with seeing a man's butthole? If yes do it.

Haifisch posted:

Obligatory reading whenever estranged parent forums come up. See how many themes from this site you can spot in that lunatic's posts!

Dear Prudence posted:

Q. Too Many Siblings: I’m a freshman in college about three hours from my parents. I have 10 younger siblings—three biological and seven adopted from the foster care system. My parents are doing a wonderful service to these children in providing them with a warm, loving home. However, as the oldest child, a lot of responsibility was put on me from ages 12 to 18 to babysit, watch, and care for my younger siblings. I never felt like I had much of an opportunity to be myself or build my own interests because the vast majority of my time was occupied caring for children. I am attending college on an academic scholarship and I am enjoying my studies and learning to grow on my own. I recently got a summer job near my university and there is an affordable apartment I can rent for the summer while I am working. When I told my parents, they got very upset, claiming that I was “abandoning” them. They said that they needed me home to drive children to appointments and provide summer care. I feel like I gave my teenage years to my family and college should be my opportunity to grow as an individual. My parents think family is more important than anything else and I owe it to them and my siblings to come how and offer care. Who is right in this scenario? If I decide to stay in college, how do I explain my choice to my parents and preserve a relationship with them? If I decide to go home, is it possible to negotiate for a few hours per week that I am not responsible for children to go to a movie, talk to a friend, or do some yoga?

A: Your parents have done a wonderful thing by adopting children out of the foster care system, but they also have an obligation not to turn any of their children into indentured servants to their service. Eleven children is an overwhelming number, and without the older kids helping out, the family would likely collapse. But I dislike your description of your childhood as one of schoolwork and childcare. No wonder college has seemed like glorious liberation. I disagree with your parents’ idea that you never actually do get to leave permanently, and now you’re obligated to be a full-time camp counselor. I don’t see how you negotiate with them for a movie or yoga break. If that is the kind of frivolous activity that doesn’t fit with their 24-hour on-call agenda, there’s no point spending your summer trying to fight for a few moments of peace. You preserve your relationship with your parents by making clear that as their children grow up the relationship changes. You’ve become an independent young woman who’s gotten her college tuition paid, and has found a job and an apartment. Most parents of kids your age would weep with joy at that. Your parents may have had so many children they don’t know what to do, but you do. Stick with your summer plans.

Pick posted:

too many daves

Brother Entropy posted:

link please

sgocity posted:

Mod Edit: This thread is for venting about students; if you wish to vent about teachers, administrators, or anything else like that, take it to Venting about teachers, etc.. If you're looking for academic advice, there's a thread for that. If you want to discuss teaching in general, take it to the teaching/pedagogy thread. If you wish to vent about a particular poster, take it nowhere (or report them if they did something reportable). Don't crosspost in a way that might look like you're attacking a particular poster.

modedit of modedit 2: No one gives a poo poo how you phrase your complaints so go nuts.

I thought about making this thread after seeing the success of the "gently caress my friends" thread in E/N - although I changed the title since making a "gently caress my students" thread didn't seem like such a good idea. So here it is! Bitch about your students and/or classmates in here.

I'll start. For the record, I'm an instructor at a community college.

1) I have a student that came by my office about twenty minutes after my office hours ended. I was in the middle of eating my lunch, and he came in, sat down, and told me that he needed help. I asked him if his questions could wait until class, since the first hour of that class was devoted to review anyway. He asked "Oh, are you busy right now?" and I gestured with the half-eaten sandwich I was still holding in my hand and said "Well, I'm eating my lunch." Then he said "I see. I guess not everybody is as driven as I am" and walked out.

2) Last summer I had a student tell me that I should let him do whatever he wants (specifically, he thought he should be able to skip class without any consequences, such as not being able to make up work we did in class that day) because he's a taxpayer and he pays my salary.

Pick posted:

I love this post because like all the comments are other women saying this has happened to them too. ahhhhh. eeyep.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [20F] artsy friend wants to do a 'female empowerment' group photo shoot...Should I participate?

Pick posted:

Blood on the stairs??!

Haifisch posted:

tactlessbastard posted:

I'm reading the bitch about students thread and I'm in about 2015 and meanwhile this thread has prematurely revealed that Absurd isn't a professor anymore. drat spoilers!

Moon Atari posted:

Red Dead Relationship

quote:

Being told, "sure, but I need a glass of water first."

You get your hopes up. You grab her that glass of water. You sit there as she sips it as slow as humanly possible. She finishes it, but pushes your hands away when you try to get intimate. "Mind if I do something else while you have sex with me?" You reluctantly agree. It's better than nothing, right? She sighs when you even try to hint about getting each other undressed.

"I changed my mind."

Edit: I don't know what I expected to come of this by posting it, but I had to get it off my chest. Thanks to all who came by and gave their time to post and chat. Your words, kind or otherwise, have given me plenty to consider. I'll be sure to take it to heart as I plan out my future. Good bye.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

relationships and legal advice have a good mix of weird, funny, cringy, sad, anger-inducing, and bizarre stories that they're usually fun to read. When I pull stories, I try to stay away from anything really depressing unless it's just that compelling and unique.

deadbedrooms is just bleak. I don't read it, and I doubt I would find anything really good to share if I did. There's just not much to say.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

What % of replies are "just break up already!!"?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My(25f) husband(25m) of 7 years wants a one sided open relationship.

This may get a little long and confusing. I’m sorry in advance!

For the past year or so, my libido is slipping. We don’t have sex as much as we used to. He’s got a very high libido and is sexually adventurous whereas I’m more “vanilla”.

We’ve been together 7 years but our sexual personality differences are taking a toll. Now I have a choice to make. Either be “freaky” or let him have a one sided open relationship so he can get his needs taken care of. I don’t like the idea of him being with someone else in that way.

I’m currently working with doctors to fix my libido but he can’t wait any longer. I hate the idea of it but I’m horrible about speaking my mind. I don’t know what to say to make him change his mind or work with me in any way. He won’t even have sex with me when I’m feeling horny because I “don’t want to gently caress him like he wants”

Tl;Dr: he wants an open relationship because I can’t please him how he wants.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My(25f) husband(25m) of 7 years wants a one sided open relationship.

He won’t even have sex with me when I’m feeling horny because I “don’t want to gently caress him like he wants”

Tl;Dr: he wants an open relationship because I can’t please him how he wants.

Pick posted:

Blood on the stairs??!

Pick posted:

I love this post because like all the comments are other women saying this has happened to them too. ahhhhh. eeyep.

quote:

Me & my boyfriend of 3 years have been arguing over this for the last week and I need some outside perspectives.

I'm not sure where to start, and I apologize in advance if this is all over the place.

He has a daughter from a prior relationship and earlier this year we had a child together as well. Right now we are staying with my parents so that my mother can help us out with childcare until we get things in order. After I got back to work from maternity leave some stuff happened and I had to basically step down and my pay decreased. SO, after consulting with him and my mother for a few weeks we all agreed that I should go back to school and get my degree in finance. I started working part-time at the current job and enrolled in courses for the winter semester. A week or two into classes he came home and let me know that he quit his current job and decided to start a company with one of his acquaintances that he didn't know very well. I felt blindsided and confused that he would make such a big decision without consulting me at all. I knew that he was interested in the field he started the company in and we had talked about one day starting something, I just felt like it wasn't the right time and wasn't confident in his business partner because neither of us really knew him. Neither of them had any money saved to invest into marketing or anything, so they were starting from scratch. They had a few clients but weren't having success finding steady work, so my part time job was paying the bills during this period. Also, he took a $1000 loan from his grandparents to get equipment for this company.

Fast forward about a month. I hadn't received a decision from FAFSA on my student loans and the deadline to set up payments was that week. His company wasn't bringing in any money and we were behind on all of our bills. I made a stupid decision and told him that if it was really his dream then we had to put everything into it to make it work. Knowing I couldn't afford student loans at the time, I dropped all of my classes and will defer until Spring semester. He said I just didn't feel like doing homework. :/ We end up giving this another month and there is still no income. After several arguments about the company he agrees that he entered a highly competitive field and didn't do enough research before starting this company.

At this point I told him that I just needed some stability and that we need to pay our bills. He agrees to get a job and save up money to try again with the company next spring when the season starts. My work happened to be hiring so he applied to work with me (we've worked together before) and they hire him. I went back to full-time and we agreed that we'd start saving money better so that next spring we can move out and with two incomes we could afford to with childcare.

One week into the job he creates a page on FB for a new entertainment company with his friend.

A little background on his friend... He is the type of friend that will complain about my boyfriend not being able to hang out all the time because he has responsibilities as a father. Like, he'll be in the middle of bedtime routines with the girls and his friend will guilt trip him for not being able to hang out. They only hang out when they smoke, so I've just never gotten along with this particular friend. He lives with my boyfriend ex for the last year so every time they would hang out it would have to be driving around (because his friend doesn't drive) smoking. Which is a whole other story, but basically, me & this friend just don't see eye to eye to begin with.

K. So, he creates a page for this business that I had heard nothing about up until that point. I ask him about it and immediately he goes into the same spill as before - it has been his dream for 2 years, it will be incredibly successful, he's done his research, and Elon Musk started multiple companies so why can't he? He's an entrepreneur after all. We end up getting into an argument because I, again, feel like I've been blindsided by something huge. I thought we agreed that this also would be something better off to start after we have secured our lifestyle. 4 days later I'm bombarded with his friend at the front door getting ready for their business meeting. Later that day I confront the bf and ask him what changed since the last conversation we had, he says that if he doesn't do it now he's going to miss the opportunity of a lifetime. I explain my concerns, again, and yet again I thought we had reached an agreement to wait. AGAIN, he all of a sudden has an investment meeting to go to. He says that he is going for the experience but he doesn't think it will be successful anyways. That's a lie. His friend was offered a $10,000 loan to start the company and he's taking it. So, according to him if he doesn't dedicate everything to doing this business now he's not going to be able to later on.

We had another conversation about everything last night and I don't know where we stand. I told him that I needed him to answer a few questions before I felt comfortable with this. How much money was it going to take? (we are living at my parents and I was expecting to move out very soon, not get into $10,000 of debt) How much time would he need to put in? (We have an 8 month old child and he has a 4 year old, very time demanding) Worst case scenario, would he have to pay back the full $10,000? If he has investors are they going to have a percentage of the company? ETC. Within 2 minutes of this conversation he had told me to shut up and listen 3 times. He then proceeded to tell me that when he talked to his friend about my concerns he basically said that I should "eat it" because I was holding him back. I felt disrespected and unimportant at this point so I honestly don't think I would have believed anything he said about this "amazing opportunity".

Anyone reading this have a partner that started a business? Did they talk to you first? Was it a rags-to-riches type of story, or did you have a foundation built first?

I'm just feeling so incredibly insecure in this relationship right now. The lack of communication has me feeling like I don't even want to buy a house with this man who cannot even include me in huge life choices.. how am I even considering signing a mortgage with him?

I guess I just need some guidance because I don't know how to navigate these things now.

​

TLDR: My boyfriend has started 2 businesses this year without discussing them with me in any capacity first. I'm having a hard time being supportive because I have asked to focus on getting us stable before getting into any ventures. Help.

​

EDIT TO ADD SOME DETAILS: Just to clarify, he is now still working the job with me during the day but is pursuing this business after work. So, we can at least pay our bills now, but I'm doing all of the parent stuff while he does this - which is why I've inquired about how much time he foresees himself needing to invest. Also, according to him he won't need to put forward any of his own money (I'm not fully sure he understands how loan's work at this point) and his idea of worst case scenario is that he'll have two customers every day and make a minimum of $80k this year. Honestly - typing this I'm just confirming my feelings that this whole situation is complete garbage and I need to get out. I was just hoping that somebody would have some experience with this type of situation and there would be some hope that I could navigate this without having to separate with my child's father and remain at my parents house longer until I can get myself out of this mess. Worth a shot I guess.

quote:

Mom is charging me $600 a month for rent, soon to be $700. Is this legal?
So my mom and I have been having a pretty serious feud for the past 10 months or so. At one point she decided to start charging me $600 rent every month to live under her roof. She says it also covers medications, health insurance, food (though sometimes she refuses to let me eat), and she also claims that it is compensation for her having to live with me. Also, my health insurance is about to get more expensive, so she'll raise my rent by $100.

Is it legal for her to do this to me? I'm still a minor, and since I'm in school, I have to find a way to get my schoolwork done while working enough hours to pay for the rent.

Should I try to find a new place to live with a lower rent (and yes, I am aware that anything that cheap will be pretty low in quality) and then get emancipated, or should I just wait and see what happens? My dad doesn't want to interfere, but he's told me that he doesn't think she's spending my money. If I wait until I turn 18, she might give me my money back as 'seed money.' If I get emancipated, I'm afraid she'll keep all of the money because she feels that I don't deserve it.

If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know, and fast. I'm almost out of money.

I am 17 years old and I am located in Adam's County, Colorado.

Edit: Thank you guys so much for your support. I had no idea that my situation was this bad, but the number of people who have expressed concern for me has shown me otherwise.

Beachcomber posted:

She should cut off his balls, but I do want to know what "freaky" thing he wants her to do.

Grem posted:

It's anal. It's always anal.

QuarkJets posted:

ah a "serial entrepreneur"

LadyPictureShow posted:

My boyfriend (26M) keeps starting new businesses and I don't know if I'm (27F) reacting appropriately.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

whenever i go off sa i exclusively post in the estranged parents c-spam board