/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

Haifisch posted:

How to stop sister-in-law (24/F) from being a spoilsport.

Nikita Khrushchev posted:

Back at it again reading r/childfree. Here is a dispatch from a dad who hates that his wife has become....a mom

https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/8ptqr1/cautionary_tale_from_someone_whose_wife_became_a/

It's a good day for titles that prime you to hate the OP followed by a story that makes the OP completely justified.

# ? Nov 2, 2018 22:07

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# ? May 9, 2024 03:45

Elderbean: Jun 10, 2013

Yeah when you hear about a family that loves pranks you immediately picture those horrible youtube channels where people straight up hit each other or pretend to be burglars and other insane poo poo. That family just seems chill and awesome.

# ? Nov 2, 2018 22:08

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Rubellavator posted:

How does she handle pinatas

Sighs, goes and gets the ladder

# ? Nov 2, 2018 22:08

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Nikita Khrushchev posted:

Back at it again reading r/childfree. Here is a dispatch from a dad who hates that his wife has become....a mom

https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/8ptqr1/cautionary_tale_from_someone_whose_wife_became_a/

I'm 100% on this guys side. Cartoons do not need to be on all the time, and actually I think it's bad if they are. Couples do need to keep their marriage healthy and they should keep to their agreement. That way they can afford to do great things with their one child instead of ok-good things with two.

Yes, I was an only child for 9 years, why do you ask?

# ? Nov 2, 2018 22:10

Fuck Your Website: Nov 29, 2003; FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

Pranks are for morons.
Wait, they seem to think it's fun?
I'll make a kid cry.

# ? Nov 2, 2018 22:10

Mister Olympus: Oct 31, 2011; Buzzard, Who Steals From Dead Bodies

SirSamVimes posted:

When the post started by talking about how the family loves pranks I was expecting to be on the sister-in-law's side but this family actually owns and I can't believe that one of them married an actual fun-hater

It�s fictional. It�s written too well, is too quirky, and doesn�t go off on enough irrelevant tangents to be a real post.

# ? Nov 2, 2018 22:21

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

chippy posted:

I'm on page 2061 I just found this, and I'm determined to get to the end so I'm posting to say hi to my future self and also to say that Pick owns and I hope she still posts in this thread.

Also stfu Mirthless, Three Olives.

holy poo poo i forgot that three olives even existed. where did he go?

# ? Nov 2, 2018 22:26

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

YeahTubaMike posted:

holy poo poo i forgot that three olives even existed. where did he go?

He went to find the male prostitute who isn't charging money.

# ? Nov 2, 2018 23:53

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Beachcomber posted:

I'm 100% on this guys side. Cartoons do not need to be on all the time, and actually I think it's bad if they are. Couples do need to keep their marriage healthy and they should keep to their agreement. That way they can afford to do great things with their one child instead of ok-good things with two.

Yes, I was an only child for 9 years, why do you ask?

I'm sorry it only laster nine years. Lemme tell ya, it just gets better.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 00:08

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

That childfree post wasn't really the standard bullshit. In fact it pretty well describes some rational fears I have about having children and how it might change my life and my relationship with my girlfriend. I'm kind of like that guy in that I hate facebook and can't stand the way new mothers act on there sometimes. And also in the way that I'm not selfless enough to give up everything in my life for the sake of children. To me it sounds like the woman, whether she had control over it or not, broke the agreement that they made with each other before they had their first child. I don't believe my girlfriend could ever become like that but then again this poor sucker didn't either. I don't want to be defined by children.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 00:32

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

My friend [27M] trying to look like Anna Kendrick, me [29M] concerned about him.

quote:

I've seen a post on here about a man and his friend Cara's Japanophilia (is that even a correct word?), and it's inspired me to post on here about a friend with a similar experience. Well, in terms of obsession anyway.

This is about my friend Ben, who I've known since he was 19 and I was 21, we first met at a friend's party - OK, so he was too young to drink alcohol then, he was only drinking soft drinks, the music was banging out loud, we hit it off well, had similar sense of humor and interests in things like NASCAR, movies etc. and similar set of friends.

Ben is 27, and in the past few months he's become obsessed with Anna Kendrick. So he likes her? Fine. Many men do. But his obsession goes a little bit further, he actually wants to look like her, was looking online at the fashions she wears and trying to replicate it, by wearing them himself. Same for Adrianne Palicki too (OK, so she's hot, and I like Adrianne, but I'd never go to the lengths he did.)

He's even been looking up facial feminisation surgery too and how to put on fake breast / breast prosthesis.

Yet, incidentally, he's said to me "I ain't no drag queen, I ain't no transsexual, I want to be the male Anna Kendrick, even if I'm an Anna Kendrick with balls." He also insisted he wasn't gay, and was attracted to women, but really, and without being judgmental here, just trying to understand why he is the way he is. I'm not a homophobe or against LGBTQ people.

I've known him since he was 19. This behavior seems a little bit strange.

His interest in Anna Kendrick's gotten him into trouble in the past, he was suspended from work for 2 weeks for viewing and distributing "pornography" via work email / work computers - OK, so little more than pictures of Anna in a bikini - how did that pass the work filters? and reading endlessly about her and the now-notorious "The Fappening".

I don't think his interest in Anna will go as far as stalking her, he seems way more interested in looking like her.

Since he's said he's not a transsexual, I'm going to have to take that at face value. I know some men who are pre-op MTF may want to look like a certain celeb, but this doesn't apply here.

I am a friend to him, not a co-worker - I work in different places, but we have the same group of friends in our area.

I want to be a good friend, I'm concerned over his mental health, it seems like every minute is spent on this obsession with Anna and trying to be her and I want to understand why he is being this way, not in a manner of "Why the hell does he do this?" but being a friend.

The big one came on Facebook yesterday - he sent me a message asking me to come and help him with dress fittings and to help him become "Anna Kendrick No. 2".

I know some of you folks on here might dismiss him as weird, gay, whatever, and I have to accept that's your opinion, but the big issue here is how to help him, since I have seen him being upset at times, crying about how he can't look as good as her, how men in work call him a "human being" and how women say he's too beta-male in behavior, not that I buy into it, but if you choose to, that's your opinion. He also has said to me about how one co-worker keeps criticizing him for being tall and thin, and not muscular - the co-worker's got a six-pack and something of an overbite, so Ben tells me. When he was sobbing and crying, he was saying to me how he wanted help, but that I was the only one to turn to. I was shocked. Sure, I can help him, but being the only one?

I did offer to go to counseling with him - and sit silently, let him take the lead, but he said counseling was like it was on TV and in the movies - he thought he'd be sitting on the psychiatrist's chair "with some old dude who looks like Einstein, waving a pendulum.". Isn't that a stereotype?

I guess my friend does have some issues but I am not sure how to help him.

Well he says he's not trans, so that settles that

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 01:09 on Nov 3, 2018

# ? Nov 3, 2018 01:07

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

He sounds like he wants to be porn transgender where he looks like a lady but still fucks.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 01:27

Fuck Your Website: Nov 29, 2003; FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

Just lol if you never tried to literally transform yourself into the male Anna Kendrick

# ? Nov 3, 2018 01:44

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Midnight Voyager posted:

We've heard of them, we just can't- damnit, beat to it. Alternatively: We're scared that our husband who's having a violent reaction might get shot if he has that reaction anywhere near a member of law enforcement.

Bruce would totally turn a blind eye to this kind of lawbreaking.

This is a perfectly fine way to prank. It's not the kind of prank that's just mean or lovely, it is a game that ends in a sweet gift. That is fine.

Sister in law is a piece of poo poo.

I'm thinking she might just be dumb. Most of their pranks are puzzles. She took one look at Bluebeard's treasure map, realised she couldn't solve it, so the child it was made for certainly wouldn't be able to solve it. BIL married a woman who is dumber than a child. Now she's just mad that everybody knows and is looking to run everyone's fun.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 01:47

Turtlicious: Sep 17, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Business Gorillas posted:

So did you read any of this post or did you string a couple words together and jump to a conclusion?

holy poo poo i feel so attacked rn.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 01:52

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My friend [27M] trying to look like Anna Kendrick, me [29M] concerned about him.

Is this really anything to do with gender or sexual identity? Seems like maybe he is just like extremely obsessed with some celebrity and should probably get some help with that.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 02:48

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Xik posted:

Is this really anything to do with gender or sexual identity? Seems like maybe he is just like extremely obsessed with some celebrity and should probably get some help with that.

I dunno, the whole "BETA MALE" thing is a big ol red flag for someone involved. The women talking about it? The guy for projecting? Who knows. There's some weird gender stuff going on there, but I'm not sure it's the gender stuff he thinks is going on, it's just lovely Dudeism.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 02:53

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My friend [27M] trying to look like Anna Kendrick, me [29M] concerned about him.

Well he says he's not trans, so that settles that

Where did he get the late 1800's conception of a therapist from? Does he think hypnotism is a standard practice?

# ? Nov 3, 2018 02:58

Miserable Maid: Apr 22, 2010; Cat Army

Theophany posted:

[Shocking] My GF sisters boyfriend has a crush on her

Ugh, reading through the comments on this one. The OP is such a blind idiot, and the girlfriend+sister's boyfriend are huge pieces of poo poo. The sister had an attack of some sort and had to go to the ER. Instead of waiting to see her, OPs girlfriend and the sister' boyfriend immediately left her at the hospital in bad condition to "hang out" and her phone mysteriously died for a couple hours.

That's just ice cold.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 03:01

504: Feb 2, 2016; by R. Guyovich

Haifisch posted:

My boyfriend [23m] is a huge stickler for rules and laws. I'm [22f] the opposite

There is nothing deeper here than the fact he is a huge coward and terrified of having some type of confrontation.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 03:07

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Play posted:

That childfree post wasn't really the standard bullshit. In fact it pretty well describes some rational fears I have about having children and how it might change my life and my relationship with my girlfriend. I'm kind of like that guy in that I hate facebook and can't stand the way new mothers act on there sometimes. And also in the way that I'm not selfless enough to give up everything in my life for the sake of children. To me it sounds like the woman, whether she had control over it or not, broke the agreement that they made with each other before they had their first child. I don't believe my girlfriend could ever become like that but then again this poor sucker didn't either. I don't want to be defined by children.

It's probably a post that should be on r/relationships or somewhere other than r/childfree, because even the former's trainwreck-spectators probably would give much better advice.

Facebook is a cesspit of madness. Figures that with a lot of horrible stereotypes the call is coming from inside the house, and suburban housewives seem plenty prone to going shithouse-rat crazy when left to their own devices. One of the comments compared it to how even Democrat voting old people start watching Fox News all the time and become raving MAGAchuds.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 03:19

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Terroristic threats charge

quote:

So I�m being charged with terroristic threats by my ex girlfriend of one month and it�s an unfortunate case for me because in regards to what I had said to her it wasn�t serious in anyway and it was just a joke I hadn�t thought through that can have a devastating affect on my life. I was 22 and she was 19 at the time. This happened 8 months ago. February 14th. Valentine�s Day.

Me and this girl met online and we live a few miles from each other. I talked to her for a bit and we ended up meeting to eat one night. Well that night she invited me to meet her family and I decided okay let�s do it I enjoyed spending time with this girl. She has a large family. 4 Sisters, nieces and nephews that live with them. They all seemed to like me. Iv met a few of her sisters at the local casino before too. One of her sisters boyfriends was even a cop from my hometown and I met him too.

We would always hang out at her house with her family and watch movies and have family parties and they would always want me to come over. She�s a gamer so we had a connection there too and her nephew had gotten a gaming computer but was unable to play most games because he didn�t have a powerful card or power supply so I ended up giving him parts out of one of my computers and set it up for him and everything. I was generous and always nice and considerate and we never fought or had any relationship issues.

Well now it�s Valentine�s Day. I�m running a little late but get to her house at 6:30. This is where I get to give her gifts I had bought her. Card, flowers, gift card, and also a good night out. We leave after a little bit and go to eat. After eating we drive like 30 min away to go see a movie. Well turned out black panther didn�t come out till the next day so we decide to go back home.

Once we get back to our town she gets a call from her sister and she�s asking what she�s doing and if she�s back at the house or something because apparently they have gps enabled on her phone. She tells her why we came back. Well we continue driving and we pass my road and she asked where we are going. Well I tell her we are going crazy.. Now this is just something I say. It means nothing it�s just a response I use which others could attest to. Well I chime in saying no, I gotta find a big open field. Well she asked why and instead of straight up tell her that I was taking her to go launch Fireworks. I said �to bury your body� It wasn�t just sparklers either, I had bought large fireworks that had just became legal to launch without a permit in my state Pennsylvania.

I was laughing as I said it! It was a joke. In no way did she look, seem or act offended. We continued down the road and I started looking around the cabin and console for a lighter. Well I didn�t have one in there or on me so I stopped at dollar general. I parked and told her I�ll brb I gotta run in and get a lighter... /s too burn your body, run before I�m back. Well I come back out and she�s not in my car.. I get in and pull around the side of the building and she�s on the side talking to her sister on the phone. I roll the window down and ask, really? Obviously puzzled that she really is no longer in the car with me and obviously distraught over however she interpreted what I said. She nodded her head and walked inside the store, so I parked and just waited. Her sister came and picked her up and that�s it.

Fast forward a few days, I get served a pfa at my door. Well I�m upset. Wondering what I had made this girl feel. I even hired a lawyer. It was eventually court time and they dismissed the pfa no questions but kept a temporary one on me. That�s fine. Atleast that�s it right? Wrong.

As I was in court for something unrelated, they surprised me with more charges! Terroristic threats and harassment. Oh man.. Honestly it�s been months of waiting. I finally got a court date in the mail on oct 10. The pfa Hearing is November 6 and the lawyer I hired and used two other times hasn�t even communicated with me and we have never even met up to completely discuss the case.

I�m not an intimidating person. I hate conflict, I don�t even have the balls to shut a telemarketer down on the phone. It�s devastating and the only way I haven�t gone crazy by it all is by just not thinking about it as much as possible. I have absolutely no idea what�s gunna happen, or if I�ll even get an adequate chance to explain this all to them. It�s actually too close for comfort now and I�m not prepared.

I�m not a social extrovert or a fake person really I understand a lot, kinda the technicalities of the court system and just social justice and I�m worried I�m just screwed from the beginning. I�m a smart forwarding thinking mixed male. I grew up in a religious conservative family and with a great life. The plaintiff, just for context, it�s not there first time going to court. I think they take any opportunity to go to court.

They want to charge me with terroristic threats and harassment. The plea deal they gave me was for both charges plus 2 years probation which includes, drug testing, 300 hrs community service, anger management classes and just a barrage of things that will do nothing more than ruin me mentally and destroy my life and career.

Is it possible to represent myself in plea court or is that all around a bad idea. Idk if I can find an attorney this quickly. I have one on this case already but I haven�t be proactive and we haven�t talked. I think she gave up. How does plea court work? I received the plea deal s few months ago. Is this were I accept or decline or counter offer?

Simply put

I need help soo bad ; (

# ? Nov 3, 2018 04:41

Porfiriato: Jan 4, 2016

Lukewarm take incoming:

That guy sounds like a creep and a real, real dumbass but 300 hours of community service for that seems like an awful lot, like an excessive amount. That's basically two solid months of work if you were doing it as a full-time job.

I wonder if this is Ye Olde Unreliable Narrator leaving out other incriminating stuff.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 05:33

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Known Lecher posted:

I wonder if this is Ye Olde Unreliable Narrator leaving out other incriminating stuff.

Yes, I wonder

quote:

As I was in court for something unrelated, they surprised me with more charges!

the lawyer I hired and used two other times

I�m a smart forwarding thinking mixed male. I grew up in a religious conservative family and with a great life. The plaintiff, just for context, it�s not there first time going to court.

Even if this particular incident happened exactly as he says (doubtful) there's definitely some other context to his legal history that is probably relevant and left unsaid.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 06:07

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

He's leaving out a lovely novel's worth of incriminating details

# ? Nov 3, 2018 06:07

incredible flesh: Oct 6, 2018; by Nyc_Tattoo

on my homeworld, the woman dismembers the man after sex and uses his bones to fortify her nest

# ? Nov 3, 2018 06:12

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Like it's fine to try and surprise someone with a fireworks display but instead of just saying "It's a surprise" he goes "I'm going to take you to an open field, murder you, and bury your body, hold on a sec let me find a lighter to burn your body with". That's enough to get the gently caress out and call the cops on your 1-month boyfriend, for sure, even assuming that he wasn't saying even creepier poo poo

But when you look at the details and realize that he's not letting on a bunch of additional poo poo that he did, that's when the story gets dark

# ? Nov 3, 2018 06:19

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Fired and denied prize after winning work costume contest [AL]

quote:

I work in a large office setting in Alabama. It's not a call center but has a similar environment. Officially, there isn't a uniform and you can wear whatever as long as it isn't against the dress code, but several of my managers are religious and very "southern judgey" ladies who harass certain people in the office over the way they look, either with inappropriate unwanted compliments or overly judgmental comments.

I'm a very tall guy who works out and I've gotten both sides of it (the latter because I have very long hair and they call me a hippie). I know a lot of female coworkers who've gotten much worse because of VERY conservative clothing, and in the time I've worked here I've seen multiple complaints to the HR about comments made to them which have ended in them being fired in the next week. Being harassed over clothing/body stuff is a big topic among my coworkers and it has made for a terrible office environment. On the glassdoor for our company 75% of the reviews specifically reference this aspect of working here.

A few days prior to the 31st, I found out my work was doing a costume contest. I had a somewhat high effort costume I was reusing from a comic convention, and I decided to wear it again, not really expecting to win. My workplace has over 100 employees and the top prize for winning included $500 in cash and several gift cards.

It is worth noting that the costume is not in any way sexual or inappropriate for work, or more specifically from our dress code. If you are curious, the character I dressed up as was Gonta Gokuhara, and if you google him nothing is inappropriate about his design/against our dress code save for being barefoot, and I broke character for that by wearing sandals. The most inappropriate thing I can think of is that there were fake bug toys in the bug box.

Virtually no one is our office dressed up, which I wasn't expecting but it made sense. It was me, one new girl who wore a kitty ear headband and a set of cheap fairy wings, and several of my female managers, all of whom went all out. Everyone in my office has strong resentment for our managers for reasons mentioned above and I ended up winning the vote because of it. (The headband girl won 2nd).

I was told that I'd be sent my prize via direct deposit yesterday. I did not, and instead got an email explaining that I was being terminated for abuse of the office dress code. When I called my manager for clarification, she said that my costume clearly violated dress code. After I asked what rule it was that I broke she told me that "I knew what it was" and was hung up on.

I'm young and I've honestly never dealt with a level of blatant unprofessionalism in the workplace on this level before and I really don't know what to do. Do I have rights on this? They can't seriously do that right?

Fired for dressing as an anime

# ? Nov 3, 2018 06:22

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Karmic justice for (probably) not paying :10bux:

to read the LP.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 06:25

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

QuarkJets posted:

Fired and denied prize after winning work costume contest [AL]

Fired for dressing as an anime

Halloween is one of those major traps. Hint: always dress as something boring. For best results, dress as a character from something that only like 60-year-old men will recognize, they love that. "Ohhh I'm freakin Helen Crump from the Andy Griffith Show" yadda yadda.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 06:26

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

incredible flesh posted:

on my homeworld, the woman dismembers the man after sex and uses his bones to fortify her nest

I get to have sex and die? Sign me up.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 06:30

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Pick posted:

Halloween is one of those major traps. Hint: always dress as something boring. For best results, dress as a character from something that only like 60-year-old men will recognize, they love that. "Ohhh I'm freakin Helen Crump from the Andy Griffith Show" yadda yadda.

I just looked up the character and it's just some dude in a suit

# ? Nov 3, 2018 06:48

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Pick posted:

Halloween is one of those major traps. Hint: always dress as something boring. For best results, dress as a character from something that only like 60-year-old men will recognize, they love that. "Ohhh I'm freakin Helen Crump from the Andy Griffith Show" yadda yadda.

I aim to appease their capitalist ways and dress as Little Lord Fauntleroy

# ? Nov 3, 2018 07:26

Miserable Maid: Apr 22, 2010; Cat Army

Yeah the character is literally just in glasses, a suit and tie, but is like an Entemologist so they have a bug net and like a jar of butterflies, and goes barefoot

I don't understand. I was expecting some half naked spikey blue haired anime or something, not... Some long haired guy

# ? Nov 3, 2018 07:40

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

QuarkJets posted:

Fired and denied prize after winning work costume contest [AL]

Fired for dressing as an anime

sounds fair to me imho

# ? Nov 3, 2018 08:44

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Miserable Maid posted:

Yeah the character is literally just in glasses, a suit and tie, but is like an Entemologist so they have a bug net and like a jar of butterflies, and goes barefoot

I don't understand. I was expecting some half naked spikey blue haired anime or something, not... Some long haired guy

there's probably a manga out there where that character collects school girl panties or smirks weirdly while someone queefs in his face, or other normal anime stuff

rest assured that he wouldn't shut the gently caress up about how he's an anime character

# ? Nov 3, 2018 10:20

incredible flesh: Oct 6, 2018; by Nyc_Tattoo

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

I get to have sex and die? Sign me up.

after two women have sex they hunt down a male and dismember him together. you might be one of those and die without the sex, but ok i'll sign you up for the next astral tour of my planet

# ? Nov 3, 2018 10:21

kru: Oct 5, 2003

QuarkJets posted:

Fired and denied prize after winning work costume contest [AL]

Fired for dressing as an anime

had it coming imo

# ? Nov 3, 2018 10:21

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

QuarkJets posted:

Fired and denied prize after winning work costume contest [AL]

Fired for dressing as an anime

Completely justifiable firing.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 12:11

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 9, 2024 03:45

Darkhold: Feb 19, 2011; No Heart❤️
No Soul👻
No Service🙅

QuarkJets posted:

Terroristic threats charge

I so wish the other two times he needed a lawyer were for scaring people while dressed up as bigfoot and breaking a fence afterwards.

# ? Nov 3, 2018 12:31

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