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I was thinking that too, but if you don't roll over your 401k funds, they will usually give the government their pound of flesh and send the account holder a check. I guess if that person can't be found it could eventually go back to the employer.
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Nov 14, 2018 19:20
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Husband staying over at Ex's So, we(I 28F & him 32M) are a newly married couple. And because of circumstances we are still in LDR since getting married and hoping to end it by New Year's. He is a really good guy and claims to be a honest and committed person to me. He was seeing this friend of his before me, which he described as mostly fwb(B) than dating. This fwb and another female friend(A) and him were a gang for a period of 4 years in college and continued being friends. Now he claims A didn't know about him and B and he wants to continue the friendship which has been going on for 4 more years. I don't have any concerns with them talking or hanging out, and I believe him when he says it's in his past. After we got together and decided on getting married, I had to go out of country to continue at my job. This time he mentioned that this friend gang of three usually meets up and he informed me that he was going to stay over at B's. At which I blew up a little because he barely gave me a notice about one week before, and I told him my reservation of him staying over night at B's place. He said he will drive there, so that he can drive back. But on that day, told me that he started late and will have to stay back. This happened exactly a year ago. After this we got married. Then yesterday he told me that he is going to go stay at B's place just like last time and how he is looking forward to it and all. This time he also revealed how A and B asked him to sleep with them in the same bedroom the last time he went over and how they were making fun of him in the morning for snoring. I blew up again asking him how he could forget my concerns. His answer is just that he didn't think it would be a big deal. When I clearly mentioned it the last time. He says it's because of A that they all decided to stay at B's and he has no choice and that he can't say no. I am however deeply hurt and feel like this is a big strain on me being already in a different country and being alone, he has been my only source of contact. He decides to spend time driving around 5 hrs to meet them, but is not scheduling any Skype dates or anything else for us to do together. Whenever I try, he has an excuse that the time difference is making it difficult for him. My question is, should I be worried? He says he is sorry that he didn't consider my feeling, but I feel like this is going to continue again. Or am I reading too much into this and not judge him solely by this event. To give him credit, he did travel to meet me in my country in the past month. TL;DR currently in LDR, husband thinks it's not wrong to stay over with his ex-fwb. He did so shortly before our engagement and told him my concerns. Now year later after marriage, tells me that he is planning for the same stay over. Am deeply hurt, and think this is a major flag I missed?
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Nov 14, 2018 19:20
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All of my boyfriend's friends/roommates hate me. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now, and it's going great. There is one recurring black cloud on our relationship - and that's his friends/roommates. He lives with 5 other guys, and they all hate me. My boyfriend is a funny, social guy and loves his friends. Before our relationship, he was always with his friends playing video games, drinking, doing drugs...typical college boy stuff. After I came in the picture, he's stopped drugs entirely and nearly doesn't drink or go out anymore. I never told him to do anything - he says it's because I make him want to be the best man he can be, and start being goal-oriented. He's tried to hang out with his roommates, but all they do is drink, stay up until 2AM, and do drugs...all of which my boyfriend doesn't feel like doing anymore after years of that. Anyhow, his friends loving hate me. I try to be soooo nice. I've baked them cookies, cakes, brownies when I come over, I bought their house a new video game I found, I introduced them to my friends (who they all hit on but all denied them). I've tried so hard, but they just do not like me. My boyfriend insists it's "not me" and it's because they feel like he's different now that I'm in the picture. But, two of them recently unfollowed me on instagram and they ignore me when I say things like "hey how was your day?". They just straight up don't reply. And this after ONE YEAR. It's been affecting our relationship lately because I hate feeling ostracized, and that's how they make me feel. Last night, his roommate took the parking pass out of my car for his girl to park there, and I got a ticket. My boyfriend offered to pay for it - but like what the gently caress?? I accepted that they just will not like me, so I've stopped trying so hard. But it just really sucks that I haven't been anything but kind, and now everytime I go over it's extremely awkward. Worst part is my boyfriend and I are picturing a long future together - but the fact is I don't ever want to be around his rude friends after college. They make me feel like poo poo, and I don't want to see them again. But, I know a part of being with my boyfriend is that he will always want to be close to these guys and they will stay a part of our lives. And they all loving hate me. TL;DR: Advice/help on what to do when your boyfriend's friends/roommates hate you.
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Nov 14, 2018 19:21
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Penguissimo posted:But, like...why? Why not just make the maiden name the middle name? I have thirty middle names that I shed, like a lizard's tail, whenever one of my schemes is foiled by nosy teenagers.
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Nov 14, 2018 19:22
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Marriage and LDR do not work. LDRs in general are for relationship beggars.
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Nov 14, 2018 19:23
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Leon Einstein posted:I was thinking that too, but if you don't roll over your 401k funds, they will usually give the government their pound of flesh and send the account holder a check. I guess if that person can't be found it could eventually go back to the employer. And then we’re back to the murder for hire.
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Nov 14, 2018 19:25
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For most of my life I went by a nickname for my middle name and my first name isn't even legally a name, just the initial for my first name. Apparently my mom thought the name flowed better structured that way and the letter is because she thought it sounded distinguished but all its done was caused me to have a hosed up looking name on all legal documents. On top of that most of my aunts and uncles call me by my full first and middle name. It's awesome!!!!!
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Nov 14, 2018 19:25
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Penguissimo posted:But, like...why? Why not just make the maiden name the middle name? 1. That's the way she wants it. 2. See, above. Serious talk, I agree with her that it carries a little something extra as the first name, plus its actually a pretty baller Last-Name-As-A-First-Name, in the event the kid or anyone else wants to go with it, and finally, if it were the middle name it would seem like this out of nowhere hyphenated Mother-Father last name for just that kid when none of our others were like that
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Nov 14, 2018 19:39
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Teabag Dome Scandal posted:For most of my life I went by a nickname for my middle name and my first name isn't even legally a name, just the initial for my first name. Apparently my mom thought the name flowed better structured that way and the letter is because she thought it sounded distinguished but all its done was caused me to have a hosed up looking name on all legal documents. On top of that most of my aunts and uncles call me by my full first and middle name. It's awesome!!!!! "Mr. Scandal? T. Bagdome?"
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Nov 14, 2018 19:41
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Smirking_Serpent posted:All of my boyfriend's friends/roommates hate me. They must be real assholes to not appreciate cakes,cookies etc while getting drunk and high. Fundamentally broken people.
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Nov 14, 2018 19:48
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Cat Army
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blarzgh posted:"Mr. Scandal? T. Bagdome?" When I was in trouble during my youth I would dread hearing TEABAG DOME GET OVER HERE!!!!
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Nov 14, 2018 19:52
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Smirking_Serpent posted:All of my boyfriend's friends/roommates hate me.
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Nov 14, 2018 19:55
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LabyaMynora posted:Why the gently caress are they calling their 2 year old daughter by her middle name instead of her first name? Why didn't they just make her middle name her first name if that's what they were going to call her? My parents gave me a legal name (old family name on my mom's side) and also a nickname from birth that's a lot more unique (my dad's special twist). It was the result of a compromise between my parents, so I would guess that's the case here as well, given that the parents are multicultural as is the child's name. Motherfucker posted:The only way I could see her complaint being valid is if she bought all the groceries and he was demolishing her food budget but thats not mentioned and it dosn't seem like it since he got all his bland chicken and rice which she probably didn't buy. I mean, I can kind of understand it because it's a big change to their relationship. They used to be able to go out and have fun, now his entire day is focused on bodybuilding and meal prep and all this crap that he probably also talks about constantly. She encouraged him to hit the gym a bit not to embark on a full-on lifestyle change, and I'd be a bit dismayed and confused in that situation too. Still, I agree with everyone else that he should do what makes him happy and if his girlfriend isn't with him on it they should both find someone new. LabyaMynora posted:poo poo, Monster Energy drinks alone will probably cause afib. I mean it's basically just way too much sugar and then caffeine without the natural health benefits of coffee. So probably it's gonna result in diabetes, heart disease and obesity. Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:Lol. He lied and got caught. Noting that is apparently some sort of personal affront to you. nothing personal about it, I don't know you, just an observation. I'm noting that you didn't actually argue about the assessment itself, probably because you realize it's mostly true
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Nov 14, 2018 19:56
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Smirking_Serpent posted:Husband staying over at Ex's This story hurts my head.
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Nov 14, 2018 20:01
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Yawgmoth posted:Sounds like his roommates are trash and he should find some people who aren't permanently frat boy burnouts to hang out with. the people with these 'my SO is so great but everyone around them is terrible' stories never seem to get that their SO is still willingly choosing to be around these terrible people and that should maybe be a reflection on them
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Nov 14, 2018 20:01
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My (21f) new Boyfriend (19m) refuses to quit "No Nut November" and it is actively harming our relationship. Am I the rear end in a top hat here? u/nnnBFthrowaway My boyfriend and I met at the beginning of the Semester (College). We were friends for a while and last month we started dating. Things were going great, we get along really well and he always makes me laugh. I will admit, he does seem to spend a lot of time online, but I did not (still don't) think that is a big deal. He often sends me funny memes he sees online. However, ever since November started he has absolutely changed. I thought that the "challenge" only involved masturbation, but apparently that is not the case. Since November 1st he has refused to do anything intimate, simply telling me that he can't... At first I thought he was just having a joke and would drop it after a few days. The opposite happened, he has only become more radical and stubborn about this stupid challenge. It has gotten to the point where he refuses to lie down near me; He says that he can't risk it. He also adamantly avoids sleeping in the same bed as me, because he already "wasted his 1 wet dream" (kind of gross, in my opinion) I have tried to talk with him about it, but he seems to refuse to take anything I say seriously. When I point out how it isn't fair to me, he just tells me to join him in "ascending". Anytime I bring up the topic and attempt to address it, he just starts to repeat these same phrases about it, until I drop the topic entirely. Obviously he doesn't have to have sex with me if he does not want to, but this dumb challenge seems like a really stupid reason. Am I in the wrong here? I am wondering if it is worth sticking out the rest of the month, or if this is like a red flag or something. I still really like him, we get along really well. But it just seems that this stupid joke is really harming our new relationship.
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Nov 14, 2018 20:12
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Brother Entropy posted:the people with these 'my SO is so great but everyone around them is terrible' stories never seem to get that their SO is still willingly choosing to be around these terrible people and that should maybe be a reflection on them Yeah, this. I've had people complain to me "Oh my boyfriend/girlfriend is so great and perfect and nice but their friends are all racist binge drinkers who love to go out to bars with my friend and sexually harass people and get into fights, it embarrasses my partner but they've been his friends since elementary school so he has to stay loyal to them" Nah sorry your partner is trash. Same goes for in-laws. "Oh my new husband is PERFECT I just wish he'd stand up to his parents when they do their usual thing where they just scream "WHORE" at me at the top of their lungs until they pass out, am I wrong for trying to come between him and his parents?" Baronjutter fucked around with this message at 20:17 on Nov 14, 2018 |
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Nov 14, 2018 20:14
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Oh poo poo wait here's the update from the open relationship story yesterday (the "you slept with 20x my body count!!!!1" one) Can I post an update? I (25f) am the now infamous "whore" from the post that blew up yesterday. Just broke things off with fiancé (27m). u/Makosharkin So yeah, I guess I made the front page yesterday. I've been on reddit for years and I think my "normal" account has maybe 500 karma and I make the front page for my sex life...yay! Whatever, well I read responses well into the morning yesterday while my now ex-fiancé absolutely blew up my poo poo alternating between calling me a whore and oval office, asking me why I disgraced myself and him like that. He also peppered the barrage with things like "what's going to happen to us after this?" I finally fell asleep at like 3 am and should have worked but after finally admitting that I needed to break things off with him, called in sick to work. Went to finances house, asked to come in, told him we had to talk. He said we did. But as a testament to his loving out of control ego he prefaced his part of the conversation with "I want you to know in advance, I MAY not be ready to accept your apology." gently caress him. I planned on being nice but that was too much. I just told him "its over between us." His look of surprise was a combination of pathetic and amusing because even after calling me all sorts of gendered slurs for the better part of a few hours, he still wasn't expecting me to break up with him. He begged me to know "why" I think I told him he had to know why and tried to leave. I had no desire to talk to him so I tried to leave and he kept trying to block me and grab my arm. I finally told him that if he didn't loving let me go I was going to call the police. He finally relented but as I was trying to drive away he came out and starting punching my drivers side window. It was terrifying but it didn't break. Between leaving his place and getting to mine he texted and called at dozens of times. I just blocked him and deleted the whole conversation without reading it. gently caress him too because I had the ring in my pocked and planned on giving it back but now I'm too scared to go see him to give it back so I'm selling the mother fucker or getting it melted down. So that's that. I don't know this will probably get removed but its all good. I don't know whether I'm coming or going at this point. It's been a crazy couple of days
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Nov 14, 2018 20:16
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HOT BREAD! posted:My (21f) new Boyfriend (19m) refuses to quit "No Nut November" and it is actively harming our relationship. Am I the rear end in a top hat here? I think this a repeat and we decided that she should institute No Dick December, No Jizz January, No gently caress February, No Meat March...etc.
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Nov 14, 2018 20:17
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quote:My question is, should I be worried? You should be worried in inverse proportion to how much you want an open marriage.
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Nov 14, 2018 20:18
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HOT BREAD! posted:Oh poo poo wait here's the update from the open relationship story yesterday (the "you slept with 20x my body count!!!!1" one) This girl should sell the ring and use the money to go on a nice vacation away from her rear end in a top hat ex.
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Nov 14, 2018 20:19
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Beachcomber posted:I think this a repeat and we decided that she should institute No Dick December, No Jizz January, No gently caress February, No Meat March...etc. This is from the front page of relationship_advice so I assumed it was new. There's more than one of those guys out there??! Edit: says it was posted a day ago, my bad!
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Nov 14, 2018 20:20
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The guy is a loving irredeemable rear end in a top hat but I legitimately can't believe she didn't realize he was gonna be a little salty that their open relationship was her getting railed by 40 guys while he fails utterly to bang anyone Like it's hilarious that he got owned that hard but c'mon
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Nov 14, 2018 20:22
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HOT BREAD! posted:This is from the front page of relationship_advice so I assumed it was new. There's more than one of those guys out there??! Your Good! There was truly another of these last year!
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Nov 14, 2018 20:23
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Blade Runner posted:The guy is a loving irredeemable rear end in a top hat but I legitimately can't believe she didn't realize he was gonna be a little salty that their open relationship was her getting railed by 40 guys while he fails utterly to bang anyone it was his idea and yeah she shoulda just realized he was a completely selfish piece of poo poo when he proposed it, but she didn't break up with him then and there soooo
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Nov 14, 2018 20:24
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She shouldn't care if he's salty. He asked for it. Also, why the gently caress is no nut November a thing?
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Nov 14, 2018 20:27
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The moral of this open-relationship story, like all open-relationship stories, is "open relationships are a bad idea and if you suggest one you will get what you deserve" (that said though I think she should have just like dropped the ring on the floor when she left or something if she didn't want to explicitly give it back, those fuckers are expensive)
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Nov 14, 2018 20:27
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Blade Runner posted:The guy is a loving irredeemable rear end in a top hat but I legitimately can't believe she didn't realize he was gonna be a little salty that their open relationship was her getting railed by 40 guys while he fails utterly to bang anyone I avow that it is the sacred duty of any spouse whose relationship is wheedled open by their partner to own them so forcefully that their carbonized remains sealed inside a lucite desk ornament would be a step up.
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Nov 14, 2018 20:27
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:it was his idea and yeah she shoulda just realized he was a completely selfish piece of poo poo when he proposed it, but she didn't break up with him on the spot soooo Don't get me wrong, the dude is 100% the piece of poo poo in this story and the girl didn't do anything wrong other than stay with the idiot as long as she did, but it's more that I don't really get these people who get into this and then lack the self awareness to say "well I've had sex with everyone in town over the last couple weeks and my partner has had one date with a person who turned out to just be two dogs on top of each other in a trench coat, they're probably gonna get frustrated" He and everyone else who gets into this absolutely deserves that sort of thing, but how do their partners get blindsided by them being unhappy about it
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Nov 14, 2018 20:28
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Beachcomber posted:I avow that it is the sacred duty of any spouse whose relationship is wheedled open by their partner to own them so forcefully that their carbonized remains sealed inside a lucite desk ornament would be a step up. It is known.
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Nov 14, 2018 20:29
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HOT BREAD! posted:Can I post an update? I (25f) am the now infamous "whore" from the post that blew up yesterday. Just broke things off with fiancé (27m). This is a good ending. Guy sounds like a piece of poo poo and deserved it. AnimeIsTrash posted:This girl should sell the ring and use the money to go on a nice vacation away from her rear end in a top hat ex. This is good but also her idea of melting it down is more amusing. Blade Runner posted:He and everyone else who gets into this absolutely deserves that sort of thing, but how do their partners get blindsided by them being unhappy about it People don't expect to be told by their long term partner that they want to sleep with other people. Like, literally the most intimate thing you can do with your SO they are pitching to do with others. She probably died a little inside when she was told by her husband-to-be that he wants to go sleep around. I hope she feels vindicated after being able to pull in a couple dozen strangers to bone and she goes on to meet someone who isn't garbage.
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Nov 14, 2018 20:40
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Smirking_Serpent posted:Roommate (30sM) of 3 years says he's 'feeling rapey', what to do? An enormous autistic man with severe anger management problems and access to your living area/bedroom tells you he's "feeling rapey." It seems like the premise of a god drat horror movie. Brother Entropy posted:a youtube celeb who's generous and actually has enough social awareness to realize it's not something you wanna lead with in the dating scene might as well be a unicorn I mean it works in his favor to do that too... If you're smart, you don't want your relationship to be based off celebrity but actual, untainted fondness. My hiding it from her he was able to determine that his youtube exploits are completely secondary when it comes to her affection. dudeness posted:I stand with ImMasturbating in solidarity. the twist is ImMasturbating is a woman and the bidet is her instrument of choice
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Nov 14, 2018 20:46
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HOT BREAD! posted:Oh poo poo wait here's the update from the open relationship story yesterday (the "you slept with 20x my body count!!!!1" one) She legally might be required to return the ring. Its worth mailing it back to him because then he has no excuse to pester her further. I would love to be a fly on that wall for the breakup. The whole thing was predicated on his resentment for being unable to find a new casual sex partner and by god he was going to punish her for it. Then he gets the realization that instead he'll need to partner entirely.
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Nov 14, 2018 20:50
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Blade Runner posted:Don't get me wrong, the dude is 100% the piece of poo poo in this story and the girl didn't do anything wrong other than stay with the idiot as long as she did, but it's more that I don't really get these people who get into this and then lack the self awareness to say "well I've had sex with everyone in town over the last couple weeks and my partner has had one date with a person who turned out to just be two dogs on top of each other in a trench coat, they're probably gonna get frustrated" the pitch for how this is okay in the first place is that the guy's a broad-minded dude who won't throw a lovely baby tantrum about whoever you're loving on the side so long as he's not getting neglected by his partner, so you should be too, either you take him at his word for some wishful-thinking-based reason or you dump the piece of poo poo the minute he brings up how he needs to catch up to his buddies on number of vaginas seen. A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 20:59 on Nov 14, 2018 |
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Nov 14, 2018 20:50
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Teabag Dome Scandal posted:For most of my life I went by a nickname for my middle name and my first name isn't even legally a name, just the initial for my first name. Apparently my mom thought the name flowed better structured that way and the letter is because she thought it sounded distinguished but all its done was caused me to have a hosed up looking name on all legal documents. On top of that most of my aunts and uncles call me by my full first and middle name. It's awesome!!!!! B Real, is that you?? HOT BREAD! posted:My (21f) new Boyfriend (19m) refuses to quit "No Nut November" and it is actively harming our relationship. Am I the rear end in a top hat here? I feel like she should be more concerned with where he's getting these ideas than the ideas themselves. Isn't that some sort of incel thing?
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Nov 14, 2018 20:59
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Play posted:nothing personal about it, I don't know you, just an observation. I'm noting that you didn't actually argue about the assessment itself, probably because you realize it's mostly true Me: The one thing we know for sure is that he lied glibly and repeatedly to his significant other for several years. You: BUT HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH THIS TIME, YOU PIECE OF poo poo! I didn't argue because your assessment is dumb.
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Nov 14, 2018 21:04
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Play posted:B Real, is that you?? It could be worse. He could be involved in NaNoWriMo.
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Nov 14, 2018 21:04
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Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:Me: The one thing we know for sure is that he lied glibly and repeatedly to his significant other for several years. We know he lied about one thing and you started babbling on about how this makes him Hitler
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Nov 14, 2018 21:06
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Blade Runner posted:Don't get me wrong, the dude is 100% the piece of poo poo in this story and the girl didn't do anything wrong other than stay with the idiot as long as she did, but it's more that I don't really get these people who get into this and then lack the self awareness to say "well I've had sex with everyone in town over the last couple weeks and my partner has had one date with a person who turned out to just be two dogs on top of each other in a trench coat, they're probably gonna get frustrated" I'm guessing their partners assumed the guy proposing the open relationship had thought this through and realized that this scenario was a very real possibility. Then again, guys with that degree of self-awareness probably don't propose this stuff.
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Nov 14, 2018 21:08
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Play posted:B Real, is that you?? jokes about no nut november are all over the place rn, it's just an Extremely Online thing. Taking it seriously would definitely be a tipoff that he's really into the redpill, Jordan Peterson end of the pool though. also those comments make me want to die. or the commenters to die, whichever. A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 21:16 on Nov 14, 2018 |
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Nov 14, 2018 21:08
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