/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My [42F] daughter [15F] is very talkative at home, but very quiet in public.

quote:

Whenever my daughter and I go out, she's so quiet. When we go grocery shopping, to the mall, or anywhere. She's quiet and keeps to herself. I'm a people-person. I can chat up with everyone. My daughter is so quiet and shy when we go out. However, at home it's a different story. She is very talkative at home. I wish she was this talkative in public like she is at home. How can I help her come out of her shell when we're outside of our house?

tl;dr: My daughter is very quiet and shy when we go out, but is very talkative at home. I wish she was this talkative in public like she is in my household. How can I help her come out of her shell?

# ? Nov 21, 2018 05:31

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 03:39

Depressio111117: Oct 18, 2014; A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

JHomer722 posted:

https://www.dolforums.com.au/topic/165357-my-maremma-puppy/

this doesn't give me much hope it worked out okay

edit: lmao jesus

Poor doggie. :smith:

I was hoping it would take one of her fingers before she shuffled it off to a rescue.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 05:36

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Pick posted:

There's nothing wrong with being old money you weenie

Old money families kill more babies each year than pitbulls

# ? Nov 21, 2018 05:46

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Pick posted:

There's nothing wrong with being old money you weenie

There is if I can't marry into it. :argh:

# ? Nov 21, 2018 05:50

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Absurd Alhazred posted:

There is if I can't marry into it.

be nicer

# ? Nov 21, 2018 05:52

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Pick posted:

be nicer

I am as kind as a plum.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 05:53

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Pick posted:

Also symptomatic rabies is almost entirely fatal, even with the Milwaukie protocol

It's spelled Milwaukee, come on.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 05:53

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Leon Einstein posted:

It's spelled Milwaukee, come on.

In fact, isn't Milwaukee an indian name?

# ? Nov 21, 2018 05:58

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Leon Einstein posted:

It's spelled Milwaukee, come on.

spelled it the oregon way, didn't actually remember which milwaukie it was from

# ? Nov 21, 2018 06:01

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Haifisch posted:

My [42F] daughter [15F] is very talkative at home, but very quiet in public.

On one hand this is a perfectly normal experience for teenagers on the other hand the absolute flood of redditors projecting their adult social anxiety on the kid is pretty funny.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 06:09

Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

Is the Milwaukee Protocol when you pour a bunch of beast on it or...?

# ? Nov 21, 2018 06:10

Depressio111117: Oct 18, 2014; A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

dudeness posted:

In fact, isn't Milwaukee an indian name?

�The good land�

# ? Nov 21, 2018 07:02

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Pick posted:

spelled it the oregon way, didn't actually remember which milwaukie it was from

As someone who grew up there, I assure you that no medical or academic breakthroughs will ever be made in Milwaukie, Oregon.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 07:14

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

therobit posted:

As someone who grew up there, I assure you that no medical or academic breakthroughs will ever be made in Milwaukie, Oregon.

I dated a girl from Gladstone for a while who would fudge it a bit and say she was from milwaukie because apparently that's better

# ? Nov 21, 2018 07:26

big dyke energy: Jul 29, 2006; Football? Yaaaay

ArbitraryC posted:

On one hand this is a perfectly normal experience for teenagers on the other hand the absolute flood of redditors projecting their adult social anxiety on the kid is pretty funny.

the daughter just wants mom to shut up so they can go home already!!! jeeze!! you don't have to spend ten minutes talking to every acquaintance you see when we're out, mom!!

# ? Nov 21, 2018 07:31

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

fishy fishy's dog ate her, her cats and her family.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 07:40

Lazyhound: Mar 1, 2004; A squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous—got me?

The Milwaukee protocol, which includes therapeutic coma, has been shown to be ineffective and should no longer be used..

# ? Nov 21, 2018 07:48

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

andrew smash posted:

I dated a girl from Gladstone for a while who would fudge it a bit and say she was from milwaukie because apparently that's better

Milwaukie actually borders Portland, and is gentrifying slightly faster right now as a result, but honestly most of Gladstone is nicer than Milwaukie. The only exception to this is the area right along Mcloughlin, but all of Mcloughlin is a methy shitpile so it's not like Milwaukie has a leg up there. Gladstone does seem really churchy though.

Is it possible she was from Johnson City, which is right on the border between Milwaukie and Gladstone? JC is literally just one big trailer park.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 07:50

Anomalous Blowout: Feb 13, 2006; rock
ice
storm
abyss

It makes no attempt to sound human. It is atoms and stars.

*

I (40M) am growing increasingly obsessed with my wife�s (34F) denial of her intimate behavior.

Basically what the title says. My wife has found a resurgence of her sexuality in the form of masturbation. Which would normally be a great thing, except she purposely keeps it hidden from me. We have been married 16 years now. We have an otherwise normal and great relationship, and are very open about things. Both of us have struggled with some serious issues in the past, and we have been quite honest, and supportive of each other right from the start. Every situation, no matter how embarrassing, upsetting, irrational, etc. has always been put out in the open and discussed immediately. We always talk about how thats a key to our marraiges success and happiness.

A few months ago i started noticing slightly strange behavior from my wife. Nothing major, just a little weird, like popping up from the bed really fast, or quickly coming around the corner, etc. One time i took her hand to tell her something exciting, and it was a little wet, and i smelled it, and it smelled like her. I asked her, and she denied it, and we went about our day. One time i was on the computer just around the corner, and she thought it couldnt see and i saw her playing with herself. Now this is really hot. I already have a voyeurism fetish, and well......what man doesnt want to see a beautiful woman he loves enjoying herself right? But she never said anything to me, and when she finished, she came in the room and lied told me she just finished cleaning the bathroom. The next time i kinda peeked around the corner on her, and she was doing it again, so i got turned on, and thought to join in. But when i came in, she stopped and pretending like she was reading a book (even though it was pretty obvious). She denied masturbating, so i asked her point blank if she was embarrassed, or felt like she couldnt do it with me, etc. She said no, and that if she was, she would have no problem doing it around me. I tried to talk to her a couple times, that i liked it, or if she wanted to go solo thats no problem. but she adamantly denies it.

Now for the record, neither of us are against masturbation. Weve never spoken down about it, or made fun of each other or anything. And its ocassionally, but rarely, been something we have used in our sex life. Sometimes i jerk off when she is gone, and i wouldnt be surprised if she did the same while i was gone. We�ve been married almost 2 decades, Its not exactly a taboo subject. We both understand its not a �sin� and not something we have to tell each other ALL the time about. Sometimes it comes up (i totally got off today to the memory of that time when we.....), and sometimes it doesnt. Ive tried to bring it up, and let her know how it makes me feel, or just to ask her. But it always gets shut down immediately that no, she isnt doing that, and the subject changes.

My obsession with it is escalating at a scary speed. Its only been a few months, but its a constant thought of mine. I dont know which is stronger, the sexual fetish of it that turns me on, or the need to get information and find out the truth of whats really going on. Both feel extremely strong. Either way, without permission, its not really my business, which i understand in theory, but not in practice. I have already done some creepy things. Peeking around corners, turning on a shower but not getting in to go spy, moving a mirror to see around the corner. And ive started even worse things like researching spycams and computer monitoring software, which is unethical at best, and illegal at worst (i havent done any of that at all at this point). This is so out of character for me, and not once in 16 years have i thought about those kinds of things. I feel like if she didnt go out of her way to deny it, it wouldnt be a thing. Ive never had weird feelings about what she did in private before when it was open discussion. It affects our relationship because it makes me look at my wife distrustingly and totally different. Its becoming an issue because im getting sneaky around her. both in a sexual fetish way, but also in an overbearing dickhead way. If i try to bust her, and im wrong, i just look like an rear end in a top hat being weird myself. and with good reason, cause well�i am becoming an rear end in a top hat being weird.

Her masturbating has ramped up as well (probably not as much as i think though to be honest), but ive caught her multiple times in a single day, and i noticed that while our sex life is good, she no longer initiates it, which makes me feel that at this point she would just prefer herself. I dont question her fidelity. Her sneaky behavior is only around the house, and her phone/computer have always been shared and open. plus most of the time she doesnt have an electronic device with her when she masturbates anyway.

How can i make myself leave this issue alone if she doesnt wanna talk about it, and keep myself from crossing the line (more) into her privacy. I dont want there to be secrets and hiding, but at the same time, i need to find that balance.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 09:08

ravenkult: Feb 3, 2011

Good lord, let the poor woman masturbate in peace!

# ? Nov 21, 2018 09:16

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

I [20F] am scared I�ll get dumped by my boyfriend [24M] cause men are never satisfied and will always try to get more women.

quote:

u/pineappleseatyou
Get mad all you want but if a girl waaaaay prettier than a man�s girlfriend comes along, and she shows interest in him, he will go with her. He could have three kids with a woman and will still abandon her for a better catch.

Or if their woman is too ugly, he�ll leave her. Just like the dozens of women who were divorced over having a mastectomy to remove cancer because they were no longer �sexy�

I�m slowly starting to realize that men really don�t care about who you are, but only what you can provide for them sexually because that�s ALL you are. I also believe men aren�t very good at practicing empathy. You are nothing but an object for them.

I�ve begun to be suspicious of my boyfriend of a year. I feel it creeping up. One day he�ll find someone whose prettier and, poof, everything we ever done is out the window. I�ve become more nervous. Putting on more makeup and stuff and being more self conscious of my image. I�ve started intermittent fasting as well.

I just don�t know how I�ll ever have a happy relationship knowing that men can�t properly reciprocate love.

TL;DR suspicious my boyfriend will dump me because men aren�t loyal enough to settle for lesser

# ? Nov 21, 2018 09:37

Taima: Dec 31, 2006; tfw you're peeing next to someone in the lineup and they don't know

He shows a frankly astonishing level of self-awareness about the whole thing.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 09:39

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Milotic posted:

I [20F] am scared I�ll get dumped by my boyfriend [24M] cause men are never satisfied and will always try to get more women.

Man, somebody did a doozie on this poor girl.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 09:44

ravenkult: Feb 3, 2011

The rare female incel

# ? Nov 21, 2018 09:52

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

My GF (25) thinks I�m not good enough to marry her because I�m (25, M) poor.

quote:

Tl;dr: My girlfriend blames me for being too poor to be able to give her the wedding she�s always wanted.

Background: We�re both Vietnamese living in Europe. She recently graduated from college and I�m a 5th year med student. We have been together for a little over 2,5 years. I come from a poor family, her parents are filthy rich and have put her through the best private schools. She can have whatever she wants and she�s been known to break a lot of hearts before we met.

All the problems started recently when most of her friends either got pregnant or married. She felt left out for some reason. Our plan had always been for me to finish school, get married and then move abroad for work. In our culture, the groom�s family is supposed to pay for the wedding, I have been working 2 jobs to support myself financially and to be able to pay for our dates and trips. The jobs don�t pay nowhere near enough but they allow me to work night shifts at both jobs because I�m at school in the morning. Recently I had to spend all of my savings on a water company bill for my parents. I told my GF that I might have to work a while before I can afford to give her a wedding she�s always wanted. That�s where everything kind of started going downhill.

We had just come back from a trip to Rome (her B-day gift to me) when she asked me whether I preferred a big wedding or a big honeymoon. Having been on a traveler�s high (for lack of a better term), I answered I�d rather go on a big honeymoon to Hawai or someplace else. This was like 2-3 weeks ago.

Everything escalated last Friday at our friends� wedding when she told me she never would have started dating me had she known how poor my family was. She said she could have been married and have kids by now. She thinks I don�t want a wedding anymore when in fact I just can�t afford it at the moment.

I recently even started looking for a 3rd job in order to make a little more money. I know she wants to feel like a princess on her special day and I was always determined to give it to her. My parents� financial issues lately have taken a toll on me both physically and mentally, however. My question is, what would you do? I�m sort of heartbroken and paralyzed at the same time by this. I feel like it�s game over for me?

Run for the hills my dude.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 10:02

phasmid: Jan 16, 2015; Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY

Tell her she's greedy elitist bitch and that there's plenty of girls that would be happy to take her place. Then let her be the trophy of some other elitist so they can have lots of mentally defective kids and give them dumb wasp names.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 10:07

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Milotic posted:

I [20F] am scared I’ll get dumped by my boyfriend [24M] cause men are never satisfied and will always try to get more women.

She's actually right about the cancer thing, there are some very very depressing studies out there

quote:

when couples did split, the patient was six times more likely to be a woman than a man.

...when a man got sick, his wife usually felt compelled to stick by him. But husbands were more likely to take off, even if that meant the wife suffered more. And the study found that the medical consequences were considerable.

...the researchers also found that the older the woman [cancer] patient, the more likely that her husband would leave

https://www.newsweek.com/why-men-leave-when-cancer-arrives-76637

The anecdotes I've heard are even more depressing imo

# ? Nov 21, 2018 10:15

Edgar Allan Pwned: Apr 4, 2011; Quoth the Raven "I love the power glove. It's so bad..."

the rabies vaccine is over 2k and insurance does not cover it unless you are a vet/student or actively work in a place you can get rabies.

There was a bat in my room for a week last year and the thought of rabies freaked me out, but not enough to spend 2k (because i didnt have it)

# ? Nov 21, 2018 10:16

empty sea: Jul 17, 2011; gonna saddle my seahorse and float out to the sunset

phasmid posted:

fishy fishy's dog ate her, her cats and her family.

I'd believe it. I've seen enough insane Pyrenees' to know that if Maremma's are worse, then gently caress em. Once I barely kept a Pyrenees from taking off a vet's face and that fucker tried again, immediately, after I hauled him away the first time.

A lot of them are quiet and calm and just sort of stand there at the vet's. But they are huge and when you get a crazy Pyrenees, there's not much besides the good drugs that you can do to subdue one. I'd hate to handle a worse dog of that loving size.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 10:23

ishikabibble: Jan 21, 2012

phasmid posted:

Tell her she's greedy elitist bitch and that there's plenty of girls that would be happy to take her place. Then let her be the trophy of some other elitist so they can have lots of mentally defective kids and give them dumb wasp names.

quote:

Background: We�re both Vietnamese living in Europe.

Those famous Vietnamese wasps. I love my daughter, Vespa mandarinia.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 10:31

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Edgar Allan Pwned posted:

the rabies vaccine is over 2k and insurance does not cover it unless you are a vet/student or actively work in a place you can get rabies.

There was a bat in my room for a week last year and the thought of rabies freaked me out, but not enough to spend 2k (because i didnt have it)

Just had a flashback to that kid whose nutso parents were forcing them all to live in some old house that had long since been taken over by bats and the guano was making them all ill as hell :smith:

# ? Nov 21, 2018 10:35

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

JHomer722 posted:

I want a podcast that does follow up stories on threads like this

https://www.gimletmedia.com/reply-all/all#all-episodes-list

# ? Nov 21, 2018 10:48

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

ishikabibble posted:

Those famous Vietnamese wasps. I love my daughter, Vespa mandarinia.

Rich Asian people become nearly indistinguishable from WASPs in all ways but physical, from all I hear.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 10:48

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Buckle up, buckaroos.

My GF likes me to go by different names.

quote:

To make this a bit easier to read, my name is Jason.

My GF and I have been together for 1 year and for the past 6 months we've done a mini vacation at least once a month. We go to another city usually within a 5 hour drive for the weekend and rent the most expensive hotel room we can afford. This usually leads to the wildest sex because we don't know anyone there. In the past 4 months we've gone on 5 mini vacations and every time she wanted me to go by a different name.

It's always been the same name, Matt Blank. I figured this was just a fantasy name and went along with it. She's done things with Matt that she's never done with Jason. Matt took her anal virginity and deep throat "virginity". If I bring it up to her that Jason want to try those things with her, she says she's not that type of girl.

She's pretty vanilla when we are at home, which I won't complain about. I never needed to have anal sex or be deep throated but now that I know it's an option I feel like I'm missing out.

Here's the kicker, I had to pick her up from work a few days ago and walked into her office to look for her. This was the first time I had been to her office. I spoke to the secretary to ask where she was and started on my way there. As we were leaving, her coworkers came to introduce themselves to me. From down the hall I see this guy coming towards all of us and he says something along the lines of, "Hi I'm Matt Blank, SVP of marketing".

After we finished talking to everyone we went to the car I waited for her to say something but she never did. I don't know what to say to her or if there is anything to say. I feel really uncomfortable and I see our mini vacations in a completely different light now. Is this something I should be worried about or is it normal?

TL;DR: I've been loving my GF using her bosses bosses name.

Edit: Matt Blank isn't his real name.

Ok, I mean that's weird, but hopefully it's just some dumb fantasy thi-

[UPDATE] My GF likes me to go by different names.

quote:

TL;DR: Most of you were right, she was sleeping with Matt.

Here is a link to the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9x4b5s/my_gf_likes_me_to_go_by_different_names/

I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone who responded.

After I made my post, I waited 2 days to say anything to her because I wanted to get as much input as possible. I also took that time to prepare myself to separate.

I started reading comments right after I posted. I replied to a few but after so many telling me that she was cheating on me with me, I started to feel sick. I called my boss to ask for Friday off for personal reasons. I spent the day driving around, looking for potential apartments. We don't live together but I wanted to make sure if things went bad, she'd have a harder time finding me. We also have some good memories in that apartment and I think I would be sad if I had to continue to live there.

This brings us to Saturday, the day I promised myself I would say something. I invited her over for breakfast but instantly regretted it because I was getting so nervous that I completely lost my appetite. She walked in the door and instantly knew something was different. I was hoping to ease into it, but I ended up blurting out, "I met Matt Blank". She tried to act casual about it, but I could tell she didn't expect me to know about him. For the next 3 or so minuted things were calm, I talked about how I see the past 4 months completely differently. She started to cry and say she was sorry, I don't mean some tears but full on ugly crying. I told her I'm going to work on forgiving her, because if I don't I think it will eat me up inside. I won't forget what happened but I'll at least try to move on. She started to talk about how she'll work on building my trust again. I interrupted her by saying that that isn't necessary, as we were no longer together.

If I wasn't so emotionally crushed, I would have been amazed at the transition. She started begging me to give her another chance. I stood up and went to my room to grab a few boxes of all the gifts she gave me. I told her that I had already made up my mind to break up with her. After some back and forth, she realized that I was serious. I knew the exact moment she knew I was serious because she went from crying to yelling. It started off with insults and when that didn't work she tried throwing the truth in my face to hurt me. It started off that I was fat, ugly, lazy, stupid, and I had a useless job. In the middle of her tirade, she said Matt's dick was way bigger than mine.

As she was yelling at me, she ended up saying what happened between the two of them. I'll summarize below:

She started sleeping with Matt 3 years ago, they were on some sort of work trip and ended up drunkenly sleeping together. From there it went from once in a while to once a week. Matt called things off 4 months ago because he met a girl. I think she was using the vacations because she missed being with Matt.

I don't really remember the rest of Saturday. I spent Sunday with my friends which helped, I told them what happened which was nice to get off my chest. I went to work as normal yesterday, at some point in the day she slipped a note under my door. I'm not sure what it said because I burned it.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 10:52

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

fruit BOO!ts posted:

Do we even know if the protocol does anything and that one girl wasn’t just a crazy fluke?

According to RadioLab, she was probably a fluke. Something like 0.1% of people are naturally able to resist rabies. She resisted rabies and survived, many others who got the Milwaukee Protocol died.

Pick posted:

rabies is one of the few diseases people aren't afraid of ENOUGH

Saw a video of some very unlucky kid strapped down on a gurney and thrashing about. Terrifying.

CannonFodder fucked around with this message at 11:14 on Nov 21, 2018

# ? Nov 21, 2018 11:04

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

Theophany posted:

Just had a flashback to that kid whose nutso parents were forcing them all to live in some old house that had long since been taken over by bats and the guano was making them all ill as hell

By now he's either rabid, insane, or a vampire.

# ? Nov 21, 2018 11:26

MightyJoe36: Dec 29, 2013; Cat Army

La Brea Carpet posted:

Hope you get someone else to proofread it though.

loving auto correct.

MightyJoe36 fucked around with this message at 13:37 on Nov 21, 2018

# ? Nov 21, 2018 13:21

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

How do you avoid seeming or feeling like a pedophile when talking to kids in public?
u/jagakoenig

quote:

To clarify this: I am in no way a pedophile, neither have I ever been accused of being one. In fact I'm really good with kids of all ages(not my words, just the feedback I've received so far) as long as I know them and their parents.

Every time I talk to a child in public though(e.g. on the bus or at a store), I feel like everyone around me will instantly jump me and accuse me of pedophilia and the like, even though I already avoid being alone with the kids or having any physical contact.

Is there any way to feel more secure? Am I irrationally cautious or is it best the way I do it right now?

Edit: Just to clarify because it's been asked/implied a lot: I do not actively approach or start conversations with children, that would be weird indeed. I use public transportation almost every day, so from time to time a kid(sometimes with, sometimes without a parent) starts a conversation with me, that is the standard scenario I'm talking about

# ? Nov 21, 2018 13:50

Penguissimo: Apr 7, 2007

CheesyDog posted:

How do you avoid seeming or feeling like a pedophile when talking to kids in public?
u/jagakoenig

I see Mark Corrigan found Reddit

# ? Nov 21, 2018 13:53

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 4, 2024 03:39

Quote-Unquote: Oct 22, 2002

Edgar Allan Pwned posted:

the rabies vaccine is over 2k and insurance does not cover it unless you are a vet/student or actively work in a place you can get rabies.

There was a bat in my room for a week last year and the thought of rabies freaked me out, but not enough to spend 2k (because i didnt have it)

lol America

# ? Nov 21, 2018 14:10

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