Atheist Sunglasses posted:

welp, read about playing for free, downloaded the launcher from some random redditor since the games website is down and immediately got this error when trying to log in

"Unexpected token < in JSON at Position D"

real helpful.

Sarsapariller posted:

Log into the game for any length of time, and you will encounter Citizens saying... just, unfathomably creepy poo poo



This man has skin suits in his closet

Scruffpuff posted:

The free-fly events remind me of the time Sandi ate cookies while staring directly into the camera after catching a rash of poo poo for dumping boxes of donuts in front of a room full of fat people on diets.

It's like an open challenge. "Check it out, assholes. We're cheating, we're lying, and we're showing it to you openly. What are you gonna do about it?"

Jobbo_Fett posted:

Oh, you mean that portion of the broadcast where Sandi sang a Third Reich song (But it totally wasn't) and then the footage was "lost" (even though it wasn't the "bad" song).

Sarsapariller posted:

Sarsapariller posted:

Reviewer's Thoughts: This ship exists because of the landing scene in Aliens. That's it. You could load marines in here, if there were such a thing as marines. You can load vehicles in here, sometimes, if they don't jank the gently caress out. But there's no mission in the game requiring vehicles, and there is no ground combat, and there's definitely nothing that would require a combat dropship, so why does this exist? It exists because Aliens. Because stupid fat gently caress nerdlings will pay 375 ludicrous dollars to sit in a cockpit and go "In the pipe, five by five" and then grin to themselves because they just made the funniest movie reference holy poo poo. It has door guns, because space Vietnam, I guess, so you can clear your space LZ before you drop your space crew. Nobody will ever do any of those things. This thing costs more than your car payment. I despair for the future of gaming.

a mysterious cloak posted:

Finally got the free trial downloading. I have my monitor turned so my family can't see what I'm doing.

My wife probably thinks I'm looking at porn, but what I'm actually doing is far, far worse.

Sarsapariller posted:

Okay so I rented all the Anvil ships that I gave a poo poo about, flew back to Port O, and then cruised each one around. Here for your reading pleasure:

SARSAPARILLER'S SASSY SHIP SPERGING
A brief review of autism chariots

Ordered by cost:


Anvil Arrow
Cost: $75
Guns: 2 gimbal, 2 auto turret, no idea on size- S2's? Seemed like "Gladius plus one." Also, some missiles. All guns slaved to pilot, this is a good fighter for that reason alone.
Can It Do Anything But Fight: No.
Speed: Zippy
Reviewer's thoughts: So they basically said "What if Gladius, but 20 bucks cheaper and from a different company." It's kind of funny but most of the light and small fighters are actually the best combat ships in the game, because you don't have to rely on anyone else to run the terrible, terrible turret systems. This thing is ugly as poo poo but seems very effective. If it was priced sanely for a 6 year old MMO and combat was actually meaningful, I'd say "Sure, it's worth 12 bucks or whatever." But since combat means nothing in this game and the cost is seventy five of your hard earned dollars, stay the gently caress away.


Anvil Gladiator
Cost $164 worth of missiles that do not work
Guns: 2 gimbal, 2 in a separate turret that you can't control without another player. Lots of missiles.
Can It Do Anything But Fight: No.
Speed: Sluggish
Reviewer's thoughts: It's 164 loving dollars for a ship that can't do the primary thing it was meant for, because missiles are broken and have been broken for years. Basically for 90 bucks more than the Arrow, you get the same firepower only now you can't use it, and the ship is slower. I think it's actually kind of cool looking, and I like the concept of turreted bombers because I too have seen Star Wars. Unfortunately there's nothing to bomb in this game, and if there were you better loving believe that half the time the bombs would fall upwards or something. In another game, this would be a cool fighter and you'd have to defend a bunch of them as they bombed the mothership. In Star Citizen the mothership is a jpeg, the only ships worth bombing are effectively invincible, and you wasted 164 dollars.


Super Hornet
Cost $180
Guns: 2 nose gimbal, 2 wing gimbal, 2 auto turret. Some missiles.
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Well it can carry a passenger I guess
Speed: Zippy
Reviewer's thoughts: I could review all the other Hornet variants but the reviews would amount to "Not as good as the super hornet" so why bother? This is the combat dogfighter. It used to be even better but at some point CIG decided it was punching too far above its weight, probably when they sold a shitload of other fighters, and so the gun size seems to have been nerfed really hard from back when I owned it. Doesn't matter though- with six guns all slaved to the pilot, this is one of the few fighters in the game where one player actually has direct control of all the firepower. Unfortunately it costs as much as three brand new triple-A games put together because Star Citizen's pricing is out of loving control. Also unfortunately, there's like, one combat mission in the whole game and everything else is box retrieval or delivery. Since none of these ships allows you to store boxes... it kind of ruins the entire Anvil lineup, to be honest.


Anvil Hurricane
Cost 195 big ones
Guns: 2 nose gimbal, 4 in a separate turret. Bunch of missiles.
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Nope!
Speed: Some
Reviewer's thoughts: This ship that irritates me. At some point CIG got tired of making shitloads of cash on the super hornet and went "What if Hornet, but 10 dollars more and BETTER" so they nerfed the SH and slapped a bunch of size 3 guns on a similar sized fighter. But obviously that would make it too good, so 4 of the guns are in a turret, which means you will never get to use them. So it's a fighter that does exactly the same thing as the Hornet, but worse if you're a single pilot, and costs even more money because gently caress you. Also it looks like an electric razor.


Anvil Terrapin
Cost 220 goddamn dollars
Guns: 2 nose gimbal, nothing else
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Yes
Speed: Sluggish
Reviewer's Thoughts: I thought this was the starting ship in the anvil lineup but then I went and looked up the price and it's over two hundred motherfucking dollars! This thing has 2 guns and a big radar and some cargo space. Radar's pointless because nothing in the game loads into your client past about 10km, 2 guns are pretty much a joke, and the cargo space does make this the first Anvil ship capable of actually playing Star Citizen in its current, actual state, but the ship costs two hundred loving dollars Jesus H Christ what is wrong with you CIG. It doesn't even come with the decorative but useless missiles that all the other ships get! 2 guns and a worthless radar, that's it! Give us 200 bucks! gently caress you!


Anvil Valkyrie
Cost 375 smackers
Guns 2 nose gimabl, 1 regular turret, 2 remote turrets, 2 helicopter door guns
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Yes
Speed: Glacial
Reviewer's Thoughts: This ship exists because of the landing scene in Aliens. That's it. You could load marines in here, if there were such a thing as marines. You can load vehicles in here, sometimes, if they don't jank the gently caress out. But there's no mission in the game requiring vehicles, and there is no ground combat, and there's definitely nothing that would require a combat dropship, so why does this exist? It exists because Aliens. Because stupid fat gently caress nerdlings will pay 375 ludicrous dollars to sit in a cockpit and go "In the pipe, five by five" and then grin to themselves because they just made the funniest movie reference holy poo poo. It has door guns, because space Vietnam, I guess, so you can clear your space LZ before you drop your space crew. Nobody will ever do any of those things. This thing costs more than your car payment. I despair for the future of gaming.

Daztek posted:

I have played the store citizer on my poor 2500k/970gtx/8gbRAM

fps was 50/60ish until I got to hurston where it cratered to 20, when I got to lorville it went down to 12 and once I had taken TWO TRAINS to the spaceport it was at 10. I ended my journey at the SHOWFLOOR but it had no ships

oh well

star citizen is good

Beet Wagon posted:

daz, who never got to fly with other goons

Beet Wagon posted:

goin in the OP

Sarsapariller posted:

Log into the game for any length of time, and you will encounter Citizens saying... just, unfathomably creepy poo poo



This man has skin suits in his closet

a mysterious cloak posted:

Finally got the free trial downloading. I have my monitor turned so my family can't see what I'm doing.

My wife probably thinks I'm looking at porn, but what I'm actually doing is far, far worse.

Mirificus posted: