|
I found out my ex-fiance has been cheating on his current wife and I can't describe the size of the bullet I feel like I dodged. Like, full on Matrix shooting scene and I'm Neo... I (41F) got a text from an old friend who would have been my sister-in-law if I had gotten married at 22. She let me know that my ex (42M) recently left his wife and two young kids and has been cheating on her with strippers during guys-only trips over the last 10 or 15 years. Funny enough, when he broke up with me, he started dating her within a few days... He already has a new honey. I feel bad for her and the kids. I don't wish it on anyone. Strangely it has given me some odd sense of closure. I wasn't carrying a torch or anything. I am happily married and I looked at my husband all week with grateful, loving eyes because I was the lucky one. I have been playing Garth Brooks's "Unanswered Prayers" on a loop in my head for a few days now. It was lovely to get dumped at the time, but man, I didn't see this coming. I'm not looking for advice or anything. I just needed to put this out in the universe. Thanks, Reddit. tl:dr my ex-fiance has been cheating on his current wife and I feel a weird closure that I wasn't expecting. op, congrats
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:14
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 11, 2024 23:00 |
|
|
How do I(23F) Explain to my BF(23M) Why I am Breaking Up With Him Without Throwing his Friend Under the Bus? Hey Reddit. Unfortunately I’ve accepted that my BF has feelings for another girl. I have always been worried about this girl— she’s a bit of a hoe and he is aware that he will never really have a shot with her because of that, but anyway she is still drop-dead gorgeous, they used to have a crush on each other but have since remained close friends, and she has been aggressively hitting on him the entirety of the time we’ve been together (2 years!). I’ve tried to be chill about it for very long, but recently brought up to him that I’ve read their phone conversations where she references things like “their wedding” and all that which is not cool. While he doesn’t reciprocate any of it, he keeps her around as a “friend” despite her crossing tons of boundaries and I feel it’s straight up emotional cheating. She will aggressively hit on him and he doesn’t even tell her who I am. He accepts her shady invitations— a good example is how she invited him over to her house one night when I was out of town, he accepted, and stayed over (although he opted to sleep in a different room-- I respect him to some extent for doing this). Still, it's something he can downplay (“it was just a friend thing”) because he's too good to physically cheat, but I think it crosses a line. My gut just tells me he still has feelings for her. I have brought this up and we’ve talked about it a lot— my BF just assures me I am reading it all wrong and he doesn’t value the type of person she is. My BF is a genuinely good person, but what I think is that he desperately wants to not be attracted to her, because he when it comes down to a relationship he would pick me, but he is attracted to her to some extent. For this I have been leaning towards breaking up with him lately. My BF’s best friend (will call him “Simon”) has been aware of the whole situation. I have been going back and forth for a while, but recently, Simon called me to say that he thinks I am making the right call dumping BF. He told me that my BF has always been in love with this other girl and it's been obvious for awhile that their “friendship” isn’t going anywhere. i learnt that when Simon and a group of guys were over at my BF’s house.. BF's MOM asked the group about his “two girlfriends” (mentioning my name, and the other girl). Obviously I was devastated to hear this, but that basically solidified the last nail in the coffin for me and it’s obvious I need to break up with him. I met Simon solely through my BF but we have gotten along really well and both agree that we want to be good friends after this whole deal is over. I promised I would not give away that he gave me any of this information to my BF, in order to spare their friendship. The problem is, my BF genuinely doesn’t think there is a problem here but if his BEST FRIEND is noticing how problematic this is then it has to be obvious to him. I want to explain to my BF how wrong this all is but don’t know how if I can’t give any of my concrete evidence away. I also REALLY want to mention the Mom thing but don’t know how I could. Anyway, I am really wondering what you guys would say in this situation when breaking it off? Not to toot my own horn but I have been an awesome gf.. I just want him to see at least a little bit how wrong it is. TL;DR: My BF and I share a mutual good friend. He confirmed to me that my BF is emotionally involved with another girl. I want to explain the obviousness of the situation to my BF but can’t give away that the friend shared anything in order to spare their friendship.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:15
|
|
|
My boyfriend [26/M] of [8 months] doesn’t want me [25/F] to dye my hair “crazy” colours I’ve always loved playing around with my hair and hair colours. And I’ve always liked “crazy” hair colours. I’ve had my hair blue, lavender, gray. I think they’re super fun and when done right, look beautiful, cool, and unique. I currently sport a more normal hair colour, blonde, and honestly have no intention of doing a crazy colour any time soon. That’s just not the look I’m into right now. My boyfriend... absolutely HATES a lot of crazy colours. He does like lavender and silver, and could “deal” with some others. But some - he just HATES. Turquoise, bright purple, pink - he says he finds them absolutely horrendous. I tell him well, i actually like those hair colours, and if I wanted in the future, I’d still do it even if you hate it.. He says “well that means you don’t care about my opinions/feelings. You know I hate it but you would still do it. You’re not a compromising person. You would choose your hair over our relationship?” He says he would be embarrassed to go out with me. He compares it to how I would feel if he went and got a purple mullet. Obviously taste is subjective. So it’s fine that he hates it so much. That’s just his taste. But I tried to tell him that, well, you shouldn’t be embarrassed because the general public doesn’t hate it as much as you do. Tons of people love those hair colours! (I can’t say the same about purple mullets). I show him instagram models with turquoise, pink hair. These girls have half a million followers. “See? Look at all these people that like it!” Him: “well those are instagram models! That’s different.” Me: “so instagram models are above me? They can rock the colour but I can’t? 🤔” He says he never sees anyone in real life with those colours. They’re so few which means they’re probably unattractive and nobody likes it. Well just because somebody doesn’t have it doesn’t mean they find it unattractive. 🤔 I would never get a tattoo but I still find them attractive. He says “just because people think it looks cool, doesn’t mean they find it attractive” ... what does that even mean? Why does it matter? Why does he care so much about what people think? I’m not sure who’s the one being uncompromising here. Is it me? I mean, I don’t absolutely have to have turquoise hair. There are other colours that he likes like lavender and silver. But I don’t know.. it still feels restricting.. like I only have a short list to choose from. Hair is temporary anyway. But he says “6 months? That’s way too long” I mean, if I put myself in his shoes, I wouldn’t like it if he wanted to shave his head. I would express my distaste. But if it made him feel himself, and happy, and he really wanted to do it.. I’m not sure if I would go off on him “you don’t care about my feelings!” Maybe it was the way I said it.. maybe I came off a bit rude with my “well I’m still going to do it anyway no matter what you think” Or is he uncompromising? Should he just suck it up? Let me have my bodily autonomy? Support me if it makes me happy? Be able to look past it and love everything else about me? It’s just hair.. right? Or maybe he just hates it thaaaatt much. I mean, if he insisted on getting a purple mullet for some reason... I probably would be less attracted to him.. I don’t know. But I would respect that he’s doing what makes him happy I think? Idk, it’s hard to say without being in the situation myself.. I don’t absolutely have to have turquoise hair.. I’m not even into crazy colours right now. But I can’t shake the feeling of feeling slightly controlled? What if I want it in the future? .. he also gave me poo poo for wearing a crop top to a diner once.. said it’s not appropriate in the winter time at a diner.. why not? 🤔 diners are casual restaurants.. I was wearing high waisted pants so my belly button wasn’t even showing.. Anyways, just not sure who is being unreasonable here. Maybe both of us? Maybe neither of us are handling it gently? Maybe I got too defensive and maybe I’m supposed to sacrifice a bit for my partner? And maybe he cares way too much? tl;dr My boyfriend hates crazy hair colours. I like crazy hair colours so it makes me feel a bit restricted in my ability to express myself. Should I compromise? Is that how relationships work? Or should he not care so much about my hair.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:16
|
|
|
Smirking_Serpent posted:I found out my ex-fiance has been cheating on his current wife and I can't describe the size of the bullet I feel like I dodged. Like, full on Matrix shooting scene and I'm Neo... haha that old friend kinda rules 'aaaaay guess what my dipshit brother did, thank god this wasn't you'
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:17
|
|
|
How do I deal with my freeloading sister? My (35M) eldest sister (42F) is a single mum of three who has only recently rejoined the workforce part time. The rest of our family has money. She uses special events to suggest we go out to restaurants, then orders as if she has deep pockets, then expects us to split the bill “evenly” (her math conveniently excludes kids, so our dinner with 7 adults, three toddlers and her three school age kids ordering from the normal menu becomes a bill where she pays 1/7 of the total, though she accounts for 4/10 of the cost). Friday night we were out at an Indian joint for my dad’s birthday and I could see it coming a mile away. She already had two bottles of wine on the table when we got there. I went to order for my family and the lady at the register asked if I’d like to pay individually. I nodded. My total was $41.70. My sister panicked and told them that we would just order together. When the food came, she insisted that all food was communal, so her kids ate most the stuff I’d ordered for our kids, who then ate from our plates. I was over it, so when we left to get the kids into bed, we just left a $50 on the table. I’m assuming that my parents ended up bailing her out. What I did on Friday wasn’t fair on the others, but I just couldn’t stomach paying $100 for a $40 meal because my sister is a jerk. TL;DR My sister expects us to pay for her kids when we go out. How should I deal with her in future? Edit: Spoke to parents last night to get their impression and advice. They agree that it's grating that she expects people to pay for her, but take some of the blame because they've established the pattern. They ended up footing the rest of the bill after we left. Happy birthday, Dad.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:17
|
|
|
My [F22] roommate [F23] won't accept my apology for loud sex. Last night my roommate came home and my boyfriend and I were having loud-ish sex. We did not hear her come in so we did not stop right away, but the second we heard her bedroom door open we stopped. My boyfriend and I were mortified and I texted her right away to apologize. She had told me before it makes her very uncomfortable to hear any type of noises. My boyfriend and I were always very conscious of this and always waited to have the apartment to ourselves (and a few times late at night when she was asleep but we were very quiet). She got very upset with me again this morning and when I apologized two more times she said she had no idea how I could lack such awareness. (In fairness to her, she was supposed to be home sometime soonish, I just wasn't thinking about it as much as I should have been). We are also close friends and she said she felt like I was mad at her recently because I wasn't talking to her as much, but that was because I had finals week. She isn't in college and doesn't understand the intensity of finals week for a STEM major with anxiety. I have apologized profusely but I often apologize too much and let people take advantage of me. I feel like my roommate does control aspects of my relationship ("does he have to come over?" etc) and I don't know if I should stand up for myself more or if I am in the wrong. Please help! tl;dr: my roommate came home to hear my boyfriend and I having sex, got upset, and won't accept my apology
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:18
|
|
|
Smirking_Serpent posted:I found out my ex-fiance has been cheating on his current wife and I can't describe the size of the bullet I feel like I dodged. Like, full on Matrix shooting scene and I'm Neo...
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:19
|
|
|
13Pandora13 posted:There are many different equally legitimate therapeutic approaches so if one therapist isn't working for someone, it's not "armchair doctoring" to encourage someone to move on. Therapy is not a one size fits all thing (drug based medicine isn't either, drugs affect women, African-Americans, etc. differently but that's a whole different issue). Again, there doesn't have to be a solution. But since we're shooting for the moon, my advice is: live in a world with reputable mental health care.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:20
|
|
|
My (30f) parents meeting bf's (30m) family for the first time and it went bad. I feel disrespected, what to do? 2 years long relationship, very serious and happy. We live in Germany, he is German and I am Iranian. We visit his family a lot and they have been neither rude nor very friendly to me. At the beginning I couldn't speak good German and I tried to get to know them in English. They said (they speak very good English) that it is rude to speak English in Germany and made a rule that in their house only German should be spoken (for my own good, to practice). Sometimes I couldn't understand anything and they would just ignore me. Now I can talk well and it is ok. My parents live in Iran and finally came to visit us. We went to the bf's family (parents, 4 sisters, all married, kids, some cousins) and my parents greeted them in English bc they speak no German. Bf's parents replied polite but in German. I translated it for my parents and bf's mum said 'Only German in this house, dear'. I replied no, because I don't want to exclude my parents from the communication. My bf felt really uncomfortable and talked to them, he was really nice to them. But the rest of the family mostly ignored them, they talked to each other and nobody approached them. I tried to make conversations to include them but everybody was annoyed with the disrespectful attitude towards their language. (They told few storied about foreign people not knowing their language). My parents' native language also isn't English and they gave their best to communicate but it wasn't working. They were alone all the time or playing with kids. In the end I sat with them, my bf with us and he was apologizing but I was so sad. I know his family could have tried better. Bf says they are not bad just hard to accept new people. He is very close to them and feels very attacked whenever I say anything slightly not great about his family. Am I overreacting to being so hurt? Tl;dr: My (30f) parents meeting bf's (30m) family for the first time and it went bad. I feel disrespected, what to do?
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:20
|
|
|
Smirking_Serpent posted:How do I deal with my freeloading sister? If you could equitably split then you could just have one tab and alternate, if you can't do the latter you're not gonna do the former full stop no arguments.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:27
|
|
|
Smirking_Serpent posted:How do I(23F) Explain to my BF(23M) Why I am Breaking Up With Him Without Throwing his Friend Under the Bus? Oof, Simon ready to cross the Rubicon and slide in on this girl when she blows it up.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:28
|
|
|
Smirking_Serpent posted:My boyfriend [26/M] of [8 months] doesn’t want me [25/F] to dye my hair “crazy” colours  after the BF's done with his tantrum.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:37
|
|
|
Dannywilson posted:Oof, Simon ready to cross the Rubicon and slide in on this girl when she blows it up. Yeah, girl probably shouldnt take advice from Iago.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:40
|
|
|
Haifisch posted:OP should dye her hair the most neon shade of green she can find and OP should become an Instagram model
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:44
|
|
|
Smirking_Serpent posted:My (30f) parents meeting bf's (30m) family for the first time and it went bad. I feel disrespected, what to do? Iranians are the Aryan race. If anything the Germans should be speaking Farsi.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:47
|
|
|
Is it really that hard to just pay for what you ate and drank on a bill? It's pretty easy these days with smartphones to find out exactly what you owe.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:53
|
|
|
Leon Einstein posted:Is it really that hard to just pay for what you ate and drank on a bill? It's pretty easy these days with smartphones to find out exactly what you owe. ArbitraryC posted:I like how there's all sorts of reddit posts about negotiating beforehand who pays for what when you can literally just pay for what you order and be done with it. Splitting is dumb always, if you wanna "split" just have one person pay this time and one person pay the next time and so on in a circle or if the people involved are children who try to game the system don't do that and just pay for yourself. Splitting the check is a middleground between those two options that just boils down to someone getting taken advantage of but slightly less so than alternating. I can basically guarantee the sister is the type of person when called out on this poo poo will bitch and moan about how they don't understand how hard it is for her with all the kids and how she just wanted them to have a relationship with their grandparents and aunt/uncle/etc. but if it's too much of a burden for others to help her out and include her kids she just won't bring them around anymore/withhold the grandkids from the parents to force compliance.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:57
|
|
|
Barudak posted:Yeah, girl probably shouldnt take advice from Iago. Yeah, there were a couple of my ex-wife's friends that I was just like "watch out for this one, they will try to sabotage anything you have to get into your pants", and every time she was like "lol nooooo, they are just really good friends" lo-and-behold, every single one of them blew up poo poo and burned bridges to try to get with her when we called it quits. Like not a month or two would go by without her messaging me that I was right about so-and-so.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 03:57
|
|
|
13Pandora13 posted:I can basically guarantee the sister is the type of person when called out on this poo poo will bitch and moan about how they don't understand how hard it is for her with all the kids and how she just wanted them to have a relationship with their grandparents and aunt/uncle/etc. but if it's too much of a burden for others to help her out and include her kids she just won't bring them around anymore/withhold the grandkids from the parents to force compliance. I mean that's an okay compromise, parents pay for the sis and op pays for their family. OP made it p clear they have kids to pay for too and footing an extra hundo on restaurant wine is a p reasonable boundary to have when that money could be going to their kids, if their parents can/would rather pay then that's their prerogative but as someone with a sibling myself I can't even imagine having my brother subsidize my nights out it's so inappropriate of a dynamic and certainly not for something so frivolous. You wanna get smashed on 5 dollar bottles of wine you can do so without paying 50 for it with your enchilada platter lol. ArbitraryC fucked around with this message at 04:20 on Dec 17, 2018 |
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 04:11
|
|
|
LadyPictureShow posted:I[34m] am considering getting a sex worker pretending to be a hookup for my friend[35m] I feel like if 2 of the 4 qualities you list to illustrate how desirable your friend is involve meeting minimal bathing/cleanliness standards, your bar is too low. "He is smart, employed, doesn't kick puppies and doesn't live in his own filth 24/7. What a catch!"
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 04:15
|
|
|
Smirking_Serpent posted:My (30f) parents meeting bf's (30m) family for the first time and it went bad. I feel disrespected, what to do? It was bad enough that BF stood by as his parents bullied his girlfriend - let's grant him that he takes at face value that they were trying to help her immerse herself in the language of her new home. But how does that excuse work with her family who has only come to visit? And they're fluent in English, this isn't a barrier to them. She needs to dump that shithead and get someone whose family respects her, or who is willing to stand up for her in front of his family.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 04:28
|
|
|
LadyPictureShow posted:I[34m] am considering getting a sex worker pretending to be a hookup for my friend[35m] Does he love Elvis and Kung Fu movies? If so, this is going to go very badly. Or good I can't remember how that movie ended.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 04:31
|
|
Cat Army
|
Sex workers don’t want to deal with your weird incel friends either https://www.vox.com/platform/amp/first-person/2018/5/31/17412786/sex-workers-incels
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 04:34
|
|
|
Absurd Alhazred posted:It was bad enough that BF stood by as his parents bullied his girlfriend - let's grant him that he takes at face value that they were trying to help her immerse herself in the language of her new home. But how does that excuse work with her family who has only come to visit? And they're fluent in English, this isn't a barrier to them. She needs to dump that shithead and get someone whose family respects her, or who is willing to stand up for her in front of his family. Yeah he and his family sound lame
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 04:35
|
|
|
Smirking_Serpent posted:Tl;dr: My (30f) parents meeting bf's (30m) family for the first time and it went bad. I feel disrespected, what to do? Her grandmother, on the other hand, came by specifically to give me the Seal Of Disapproval. Didn't speak a single word of English, and while I sat there listening politely if non-understandingly, proceeded to talk all manner of poo poo about me, and my ex. In the midst of this tale, for some reason, she felt the need to bring up a pet chicken that she (the ex) had when she was a child and they still lived in Mexico. Yes, granny, in the middle of trashing her choice of boyfriend is the perfect time to tell her the chicken hadn't run away, you had instead killed, cooked, and eaten her pet.  She looked so offended when her aunt (who we were staying with) had had enough and told her to GTFO. I wonder why neither of your daughters talks to you much anymore, granny!
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 04:41
|
|
|
he and his family sound like nazis. “only german in this house?” xenophobes 100000000%
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 04:42
|
|
|
Dienes posted:I feel like if 2 of the 4 qualities you list to illustrate how desirable your friend is involve meeting minimal bathing/cleanliness standards, your bar is too low. Uh you've been reading this thread right?
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 04:53
|
|
|
LadyPictureShow posted:I[34m] am considering getting a sex worker pretending to be a hookup for my friend[35m] This is not gonna work out for him as well as the friend thinks, and he'll be even more hosed up when he realises that his friend is getting him pity sex and paying for it.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 04:56
|
|
|
dudeness posted:Does he love Elvis and Kung Fu movies? Are there people who don’t?
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 05:17
|
|
|
La Brea Carpet posted:Uh you've been reading this thread right? Me [36F] with my boyfriend [37M] of 1 year, he doesn't shower quote:I have started nagging my boyfriend about him not showering - I am not sure how frequently he showers - mostly on an as-needed basis, and goes without showering for weeks and months. I have told him it bothers me, and I think it makes him feel uncomfortable. I know nagging can cause resentment in relationships, and I don't want to make him feel bad or feel like I don't accept him for who he is. My (26F) fiancé (28M) doesn’t shower! quote:We’ve been dating for four years and he was never immaculate at hygiene, but it’s been getting worse. He takes showers more than a week out and he loving reeks and feels awful to touch. I feel horrible saying that but I don’t want him to touch me like this and he’s been complaining that he doesn’t get any affection or sex lately. I’m a pretty clean person and I don’t want to hurt his feelings by implying he’s disgusting but I just can’t handle it. My (20F) boyfriend’s (23M) hygiene is questionable quote:I really care about my boyfriend, which is why it’s particularly difficult to think about discussing his poor hygiene with him, but it’s gotten to the point that it’s affecting our sex life and I’m not sure how much longer I can ignore it. Lost interest in sex to due hygiene quote:Essentially, my (24M) boyfriend let himself go. I (24F) have been dating him for over a year. He used to shower everyday but now it’s every 4 or even 5 days. He obviously doesn’t smell that pleasant and sometimes I want to gag during oral sex (not because of the size, I can handle that). How do I (F25) tell my boyfriend (M28) to be cleaner? quote:Dating 4 months. I am the kind of person who cannot let dirty dishes rest in the sink for longer than an hour, flosses every single day, and is constantly scrubbing her bathroom. My boyfriend, not so much. I noticed pretty early on that organization/cleanliness wasn't as high a priority for him as it is for me, but at the time I only noticed things like clutter on his floor and unfolded clothes, so I figured it was a normal level of bachelor slob and that I could live with it. (I mean, I can get pretty messy too when I'm especially busy in lab and other things just take higher priority.) However, as we have grown more and more comfortable around each other, he has really begun to relax and reveal the true extent of his slobbishness: A lot of men are filth elementals.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 05:18
|
|
|
There's an old theory, "Women civilize men." Sometimes that means making them loving bathe.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 05:25
|
|
|
My favorite "disgusting boyfriend" stories are the ones where the dude refuses to clean his rear end because it's gay. I recall at least three different ones in this thread.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 05:34
|
|
|
The Ferret King posted:I don't usually hear people say "therapy worked for me, I would recommend it." I see a lot of "do therapy" suggestions. I often recommend therapy. If I hadn't finally found the right therapist, I'd be dead right now. It did take going through quite a few therapists. It wasn't easy, and it took a long time. It's not easy to get therapy, and find the right therapist. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth even trying. It definitely is working for me. She was able to get me referred to psychiatrist, who was able to get my diagnosed and medicated properly. I function better now than I ever have in my life. It doesn't always work out like that, but if you aren't able to handle your mental illness on your own, it's at least worth trying. The Ferret King posted:It's similar to the armchair doctoring I see on the forums too. I mean, you do realize that you don't have to judge the legitimacy of your doctor all on your own, right? That's the entire point of a second opinion. If you're having a problem, and the doctor isn't helping, going to another is the only real thing you can do. Just accepting anything a doctor tells you as right and never leaving because he's the doctor is actually really, really stupid. Lots of people don't get diagnosed with poo poo for much longer than should have been necessary by staying with doctors who are either incompetent or don't really give a poo poo. I personally have had experiences with crappy doctors, and moved on to find other doctors who were better and actually helped me instead of shrugging off my pain. I can't help but wonder if you are, in fact, the one talking about things without having any experience.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 05:41
|
|
|
Haifisch posted:Seriously: e: not that it counts for anything because I made the above point but i'd say in general I have a sensitive nose and am annoyed by a lot of fragrances people use as perfume/cologne, I legit do not think that girl smelled bad or anything even though I was surprised about her bathing habits after I learned about them. ArbitraryC fucked around with this message at 06:01 on Dec 17, 2018 |
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 05:57
|
|
|
These forums are filled with people who will tell you they have benefitted from non-horse therapy and I am one of them.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 05:58
|
|
|
ArbitraryC posted:tbh I dated a girl who didn't shower super often and I didn't really notice until I was pseudo living with her to the point where I knew her shower schedule, I guess telltale signs were that she specifically was uncomfortable with oral so it wasn't a regular part of our sex life but beyond that she legit smelled fine to me. I imagine a lot of these dudes "get away" with it because they don't really smell bad and it's only noticed when someone is involved enough in their life to notice their routine. Like I've had smelly coworkers and at some point hr addresses them but she honestly did not smell bad and I gotta wonder if people who wear clean clothes everyday can just continue this charade outside of those who are close enough to know their hygiene habits and get grossed out by the concept. Like if they smelled that bad people wouldn't be dating them in the first place right? I was the same when I was really depressed. I wouldn't shower for weeks sometimes, and no one really noticed. Ugh, thinking back on that makes my skin itch.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 06:12
|
|
|
I've been to a few therapists, who ran the gamut from dispensing basically the same advice you'd get from sympathetic barflies to the guy who was raping all his patients and using his final word on what is sane and normal to persuade them nothing was wrong; since my main problems came down to poo poo like ADHD and memory loss I wasn't really the uh target market for the guys who got into it to manipulate people so I mostly managed fine but they're definitely not an unalloyed good, nor at worst harmless, nor anything even vaguely comparable to real medical doctors of the 21st century, and I think lending them that kind of false authority is purely harmful. Like premodern medicine, though, if you're sick with something that's not on the short list of things we know pills can just make go away you don't get the option to sit around and wait for scientists to invent psychological germ theory; you can either ignore it and stay sick and hope it just doesn't get any worse on its own or you can place your hopes on the maniac in the bloodsoaked apron. And nobody looking for advice has ever needed the advice of "just give up and do nothing".ArbitraryC posted:tbh I dated a girl who didn't shower super often and I didn't really notice until I was pseudo living with her to the point where I knew her shower schedule, I guess telltale signs were that she specifically was uncomfortable with oral so it wasn't a regular part of our sex life but beyond that she legit smelled fine to me. I imagine a lot of these dudes "get away" with it because they don't really smell bad and it's only noticed when someone is involved enough in their life to notice their routine. Like I've had smelly coworkers and at some point hr addresses them but she honestly did not smell bad and I gotta wonder if people who wear clean clothes everyday can just continue this charade outside of those who are close enough to know their hygiene habits and get grossed out by the concept. Like if they smelled that bad people wouldn't be dating them in the first place right? plausible, but the guys who never wipe their rear end tho A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 06:25 on Dec 17, 2018 |
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 06:15
|
|
|
A Wizard of Goatse posted:plausible, but the guys who never wipe their rear end tho
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 06:29
|
|
|
it's a fair point I'm just wondering what the gently caress was up with that guy I knew in college who could clear a room just by walking in the door now, if being literally caked in poo poo isn't sufficient to be generally noticeable
A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 06:35 on Dec 17, 2018 |
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 06:32
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 11, 2024 23:00 |
|
|
Some people lose the genetic lottery and naturally have the most godawful BO known to mankind. They can mitigate it with industrial-strength deodorants and whatnot, but it still sucks to be them. A lot more just don't wash their clothes or themselves enough, though. Especially the clothes - someone who showers every day but wears dirty clothes is usually going to reek sooner than someone who does the opposite.
|
|
#
?
Dec 17, 2018 07:00
|
|