/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

weener

# ? Dec 17, 2018 19:47

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# ? May 29, 2024 03:12

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Honestly my hot take on this is that you can and should wear whatever the gently caress you want, but your decisions will maybe make you less attractive to people and you kinda gotta just live with that

The boyfriend is absolutely being a controlling rear end in a top hat for not dropping it immediately, but it's not a crime to break up with someone if they make themselves unattractive to you, even if it's with something as minor as dying their hair

Also get the purple mullet, coward

# ? Dec 17, 2018 19:47

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

To be fair we don't really know who is the one continuing the argument. He could a just expressed his opinion on and said he'd prolly break up over it then she kept pushing because she disagrees with him.

Personal experience wise I have a bad association with vibrant hair colors. I'd also be pretty bummed if my gf dyed her hair anything really because its such a beautiful black and even a normal color instead of midlife crisis fat lady pink would prolly be a downgrade.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:01

Schmeichy: Apr 22, 2007; 2spooky4u; Smellrose

Blade Runner posted:

Honestly my hot take on this is that you can and should wear whatever the gently caress you want, but your decisions will maybe make you less attractive to people and you kinda gotta just live with that

The boyfriend is absolutely being a controlling rear end in a top hat for not dropping it immediately, but it's not a crime to break up with someone if they make themselves unattractive to you, even if it's with something as minor as dying their hair

Also get the purple mullet, coward

as with most things, the answer is :sever:

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:02

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Xombie posted:

A professional what?

Unless she is an attorney or in some other field dominated by one-foot-in-the-grave baby boomers, no one gives a poo poo.

This is also my perspective, but we could be biased by a) where we live and b) our limited goon-awareness of how we are perceived by others.

I dunno, maybe we'd be making twice as much now if we had forced ourselves to enjoy ties and shiny shoes as kids? Seems unlikely, but I'm considering the possibility.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:05

Schmeichy: Apr 22, 2007; 2spooky4u; Smellrose

Doc Hawkins posted:

This is also my perspective, but we could be biased by a) where we live and b) our limited awareness of how we are perceived by others.

I dunno, maybe we'd be making twice as much now if we had forced ourselves to enjoy ties and shiny shoes as kids? Seems unlikely, but I'm considering the possibility.

a relationship is not a white collar job, your boyfriend is not your boss

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:06

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Schmeichy posted:

a relationship is not a white collar job, your boyfriend is not your boss

Don't kinkshame

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:06

Schmeichy: Apr 22, 2007; 2spooky4u; Smellrose

Blade Runner posted:

Don't kinkshame

I gotta sexy guillotine for ya right here buddy

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:07

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Schmeichy posted:

a relationship is not a white collar job, your boyfriend is not your boss

Oh, yeah, gently caress that guy regardless, I was explicitly only thinking about the professional angle.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:09

pooch516: Mar 10, 2010

Anne Whateley posted:

A lot of reddit has a huge hateboner for unusual hair colors: it makes women look less fuckable to them, i.e., women with dyed hair are all crazy fat ugly raving SJWs. From the level of the guy's ~HATRED~ I would look into that.

It's also something that's more common (and thus slightly more socially acceptable) for a woman to do, so it's a great way for Redditors to practice their "If a MAN were to do this...." speeches.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:11

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

pooch516 posted:

It's also something that's more common (and thus slightly more socially acceptable) for a woman to do, so it's a great way for Redditors to practice their "If a MAN were to do this...." speeches.

We've been over this if a man got a purple mullet he'd be the Chad supreme

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:13

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

I mean, he likes lavender but not pink or turquoise. Dump his rear end for liking pastel over neon. Grandma rear end boyfriends.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:13

Lysistrata: Sep 12, 2003; Anyone who truly believes he has friends is a fool.

My [36M] son [16M] wants to come home. I don't think that's a good idea right now.
Posted byu/LLJKSiLk

quote:

My son ran away from home in September of this year. There was no abuse (physical or otherwise) that led to his running away but merely the act of me grounding him (from internet/phone) due to his leaving school without permission multiple times through the school year. The last time he got one of his friends to pretend to be me on the phone to try and check himself out so I wouldn't be notified. The school recognized it wasn't me. I told him that he was grounded and to have his phone on my desk when I arrived home.

He ran away instead. He was gone about a week. I did the usual things such as contact the police who took a report and promised to let me know if he was found. Spent the entire week, every night having problems sleeping, having to keep family members updated (some of whom were dealing with other problems personally RE: cancer/etc.) so it wasn't the best time but when would it be? I went through a lot of emotions. Concern, preparing emotionally/mentally for the worst, and anger toward him for putting everyone else (including his brother/sister who live with me) in the situation of being worried sick.

I work a lot, and I work about a half hour to forty-five minutes from the school, and he was already on a short-leash from getting suspended the previous year due to similar behavior, for which I had to attend a school board meeting. In the past I've taken him to counseling/therapy/etc. and tried figuring out ways to get him to improve, but despite his potential he started failing every class, failing to even attend/try class, and basically spent his free time smoking cigarettes (I didn't purchase) and weed and whatever else his friends would give him. Basically, his friends knew everything and he couldn't be bothered to listen to anything I had to say. In contrast, his brother/sister have straight-As usually and are mostly model behavior.

So I made a decision. When he was found, I was going to transfer him to a new school district (Where I have an uncle who is the school resource police officer, and a cousin who is a teacher there, and another cousin who is a student of the same age.) He now resides with my mom and has lived there for about 3 months now. His grades have improved (straight-As) and he joined the football team, and made it to the final round of the playoffs for the state championship. I missed him a lot at first, and spent nights just pacing the hallway and checking in on my other kids. Over time though, the constant drama/etc. has been gone and a sense of normalcy/calm has been present since he's been gone. I still check in with him by phone every other day or so. He's had some troubling behavior, such as gravitating toward known "bad" kids, he's started dipping skoal/tobacco and he's apparently intent on continuing to do whatever "fun" stuff he can get into in order to feel like an adult. But, he's on a much tighter leash and it is harder for him to just up and run down where he is (middle of nowhere, 50 miles from any city).

Tonight we talked, and he asked me about moving back here. I'll be honest with you, as much as I miss him I think he's in a better situation and my ability to enforce the same boundaries/rules would be diminished here. I cannot be in a situation where I'm getting constant phone calls from the school, having to leave work at least once a week, and having to go into school board meetings to fight expulsion hearings. I'm just not interested in doing it anymore. He claims he's made changes, but one thing I haven't seen is a change in his basic tendency to ignore/treat any family member as an outsider and treating his friends/etc. as if they speak gospel. He complained about how another friend who ran away didn't get punished as much. I told him that it isn't about that kid - it is about him.

I told him that the first step he needs to take he hasn't even bothered to take, and that's being honest with everyone about why he made the choices he made, and to honestly understand and accept the feelings of others. When you tell him that people were worried sick about him, his response is "I didn't ask people to care." When you tell him that he should listen to his grandmother/me about our feelings, his response is "It won't change anything so why bother?"

He shows a complete lack of empathy or self-awareness in conversation, but after we talked my mom called me to tell me he was in tears and crying after I told him I don't trust him and don't really want him to return here for the forseeable future. My other two children (son [17]/daughter [10]) are both doing well. I feel like the best thing for him is to remain in the situation he's in, and keep his drama contained to where it can be monitored.

My question is this - do you feel as though I'm making a good decision as a parent? I'm trying to remain as active as possible via phone/visits periodically but the day-to-day stuff is now being handled by my mother. Under what circumstances could a return really be possible? I don't want to live in constant anxiety/fear of him just up and leaving the next time he doesn't get his way. He was one bad decision away from getting in the car with a not so nice person and getting himself hurt. He actually hitchhiked nearly an hour north of my home the last time. Also - do you have any advice in general on how to continue handling this situation? Tonight we talked for 20-30 minutes, and it's probably the deepest conversation we've had since the incident in September. I've tried not to push too hard, but he's not communicating at all. If you ask him why he ran away, he just shrugs his shoulders and mumbles.

Thank you.

TL;DR Son with failing grades & lovely attitude ran away from home in September. He moved to a new area and his grades/etc. are doing great and he's even playing football. Now he wants to come home and I don't think it is a good idea to put him back in the situation where he failed.

No comment necessary.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:15

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

u/LLJKSiLk

:holymoley:

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:17

Xombie: May 22, 2004; Soul Thrashing
Black Sorcery

Lysistrata posted:

My [36M] son [16M] wants to come home. I don't think that's a good idea right now.
Posted byu/LLJKSiLk

No comment necessary.

Goons are old enough to have dysfunctional relationships with their own teenagers now.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:19

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Sounds pretty reasonable tbh

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:20

Malkof: Oct 13, 2001; Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Lysistrata posted:

My [36M] son [16M] wants to come home. I don't think that's a good idea right now.
Posted byu/LLJKSiLk

No comment necessary.

Uh isn't that a goon?

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:21

Malkof: Oct 13, 2001; Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Malkof posted:

Uh isn't that a goon?

Edit: guess so!

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:21

Schmeichy: Apr 22, 2007; 2spooky4u; Smellrose

Malkof posted:

Uh isn't that a goon?

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3722560

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:21

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

AlBorlantern Corps posted:

Sounds pretty reasonable tbh

Yeah I was expecting a bunch of estranged-parent red flags but IMO to come out that strongly against him here you have to assume a hefty dose of unreliable narrator

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:23

Meme Emulator: Oct 4, 2000

dudeness posted:

I mean, he likes lavender but not pink or turquoise. Dump his rear end for liking pastel over neon. Grandma rear end boyfriends.

Pastel looks like something hair could actually be

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:23

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Schmeichy posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3722560

I�d probably be kinda pissed too if my name was Gail.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:24

Schmeichy: Apr 22, 2007; 2spooky4u; Smellrose

MarcusSA posted:

I�d probably be kinda pissed too if my name was Gail.

got a real Boy named Sue situation on our hands here

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:24

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

dudeness posted:

I mean, he likes lavender but not pink or turquoise. Dump his rear end for liking pastel over neon. Grandma rear end boyfriends.

I tend to agree that dying your hair a non-hair color after the age of 25 or so is a midlife-crisis move and I also would take pastel over neon

It's "I am so quirky and interesting, ask me about it!" vs "HEY HEY LOOK OVER HERE LOOK AT ME I am so quirky and interesting, ask me about it!"

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:26

Meme Emulator: Oct 4, 2000

MarcusSA posted:

I�d probably be kinda pissed too if my name was Gail.

Well its a reddit relationships post / E/N thread so thats definately a fake name just like when people go "My 21F girlfriend, lets just gall her Tyrannosaurus Rex..."

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:26

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Meme Emulator posted:

Well its a reddit relationships post / E/N thread so thats definately a fake name just like when people go "My 21F girlfriend, lets just gall her Tyrannosaurus Rex..."

Better fake name than Gail IMO

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:26

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Meme Emulator posted:

Well its a reddit relationships post / E/N thread so thats definately a fake name just like when people go "My 21F girlfriend, lets just gall her Tyrannosaurus Rex..."

Well that kinda makes it worse...

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:27

Meme Emulator: Oct 4, 2000

loquacius posted:

I tend to agree that dying your hair a non-hair color after the age of 25 or so is a midlife-crisis move and I also would take pastel over neon

It's "I am so quirky and interesting, ask me about it!" vs "HEY HEY LOOK OVER HERE LOOK AT ME I am so quirky and interesting, ask me about it!"

ppl have had thier eyes burnt out by visual overload that they look at a nice lavender and think "Wow, this isnt searing my retinas like hot neon pink would, only a Grandmother would like this"

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:27

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Lysistrata posted:

My [36M] son [16M] wants to come home. I don't think that's a good idea right now.
Posted byu/LLJKSiLk

No comment necessary.

Your son is a sociopath and not a smart one. Have fun!

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:28

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My father wants me and my two siblings to take on $106K of debt, and we we aren't ready

quote:

Yesterday, our father (64) revealed to us that he took Parent PLUS loans for our college tuition and the total today is $106K. This was a surprise to us, never knew he did that. So today, he's been asking me and my siblings to refinance them into our name. Us, being new to financial stability, have neither the financial finesse nor the salaries to shoulder that much debt. We don't think we co-signed on the Parent PLUS loans and have been paying off other student loans on our own.

So my question is, how should I go about saying that we're not in a place to take on that much debt while not telling my dad that's we're abandoning him with debt that he took out for our education.

Some other context:

* Parents revealed to me that they were planning to divorce on my college graduation day. They finalized it this year.

* My father revealed to us this week that he's retiring Spring 2019.

* Me and my sister make between $45,000-$56,000. My brother making about $80,000/yr and went to a 2yr grad school program. All the grad school loans are already in his name.

* If we split the Parent PLUS loans by who they were for. My sis and I would each get ~$45K. My brother would acquire ~$10K, just not sure how much debt he currently has.

Players: Father (64) Me (Male, 30) Brother (Male, 28) Sister (Female, 26)

TL;DR: My retiring father is asking us to shoulder $106K in Parent PLUS loans. We had no knowledge of until yesterday. We are not legally required to transfer the loans to our name, however we do feel like we should take some debt, just not all of it all at once.

EDIT: Additional context, I was told by a doctor that I have a 50% of Thyroid cancer. 100% that a surgery will have to happen. I told my father the day before he revealed this debt to us.

quote:

Both parents were decent growing up. Your typical Baby Boomers. Stay home mom, dad went to work. Went to church on Sundays and took piano lessons.

Nothing started surfacing until I was leaving for college (2007). Mom had a confidential heart-to-heart with my sis. My sister went on anti-depressants and cutting (didn't know that until 2017) I was completely consumed with school so I never talked to anyone (80hr weeks easy). I don't hear from Mom and Dad about personal issues until day of college graduation in the airport when they took separate flights home - that's when mom sprung it on me - Big mood kill and home becomes somewhere no one wants to hang out during the summer.

I start looking for work and it leads me far from home (New Orleans). Parents only visited once, during their 25th Anniversary, so I thought maybe they were turning it around.

Then the next year (2014), they were living separately. Found out they had been talking to lawyers since 2011. Marriage counseling wasn't working/not being attended so poo poo went south.

Fast forward to 2017, where my mom is struggling to make ends meet and dating an abuser, and dad is dating a wealthy MD he knew from college living in a cushy townhome. Dad made it sound like it was Mom's fault (possible infidelity). Mom blamed it on my dad's depression/hypothyroidism. The kids initially side with dad and mom is constantly trying to win our approval during holiday visits. My brother blazed his own trail and did Grad School - took him away from the family home so he was out of the loop just like I was.

Meanwhile, here I am scrambling as a freelancer, making poo poo and forced to go on food stamps for a year, while trying not to become an alcoholic once I finally hit a break and had my first $10K in savings. Then I got a call to do a lucrative road gig that slowly drains every ounce of humanity you have left - so I agreed.

2018, made a bunch of loot. Ready to start putting roots down again and kill all my debt. Get a new job. Line everything up. Girlfriend and I are finally living in the same state. Talks of marriage in the air. Get cancer. gently caress. It's okay though, I can use the savings I have. Oh wait, there's 50K more I didn't know about?

"Possible thyroid cancer? You're just recently financially stable-ish? Hey, here's a bunch of debt I never told about that I'm expecting you to take on!"

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:29

Lysistrata: Sep 12, 2003; Anyone who truly believes he has friends is a fool.

Schmeichy posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3722560

Any red flags are in here. Someone from SA found his parenting style offensive enough to copy his post from this thread into the reddit thread.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:29

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

kimbo305 posted:

u/LLJKSiLk

I didn't notice the ops name, but still remembered it was that rear end in a top hat.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:30

Fur20: Nov 14, 2007; すご▞い！
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね！

Doc Hawkins posted:

This is also my perspective, but we could be biased by a) where we live and b) our limited goon-awareness of how we are perceived by others.

I dunno, maybe we'd be making twice as much now if we had forced ourselves to enjoy ties and shiny shoes as kids? Seems unlikely, but I'm considering the possibility.

While I feel perfectly comfortable wearing that salaryman chic, if I had the choice and opportunity I would dress like a Yoshitaka Amano character errday

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:30

Tricky D: Apr 1, 2005; I love um!

Schmeichy posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3722560

ctrl+f "football"

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:30

Schmeichy: Apr 22, 2007; 2spooky4u; Smellrose

Lysistrata posted:

Any red flags are in here. Someone from SA found his parenting style offensive enough to copy his post from this thread into the reddit thread.

Probably, I remember reading that thread when he first posted it and thinking he was kind of a crap dad

Bored posted:

I didn't notice the ops name, but still remembered it was that rear end in a top hat.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:31

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Haifisch posted:

My father wants me and my two siblings to take on $106K of debt, and we we aren't ready

"Possible thyroid cancer? You're just recently financially stable-ish? Hey, here's a bunch of debt I never told about that I'm expecting you to take on!"

yikes

fuckin boomers, man

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:32

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Haifisch posted:

My father wants me and my two siblings to take on $106K of debt, and we we aren't ready

"Possible thyroid cancer? You're just recently financially stable-ish? Hey, here's a bunch of debt I never told about that I'm expecting you to take on!"

Tell dad to get hosed? Seems pretty simple if you ask me.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:32

big dyke energy: Jul 29, 2006; Football? Yaaaay

Lysistrata posted:

My [36M] son [16M] wants to come home. I don't think that's a good idea right now.
Posted byu/LLJKSiLk

No comment necessary.

Lmao I didn't see the user name as I was reading but I was thinking 'isnt this the same poo poo as that llsilk dude' and look at that

Someone with a Reddit account ask him if he's still beating his children/loving their babysitters

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:32

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

wait, what, from the e/n thread:

quote:

And if all else fails, I employ physical discipline, i.e. I make him put his hands on the kitchen table and swat him with a belt 3-5 times.

kid is 13. what the gently caress.

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:33

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# ? May 29, 2024 03:12

Schmeichy: Apr 22, 2007; 2spooky4u; Smellrose

In short, probably better kiddo is with grandma

# ? Dec 17, 2018 20:34

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