CheesyDog posted:

Keyword "Strap" looking to be a rich vein

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Me [31 M/F] with my girlfriend [31 M/F] of 8 months, my girlfriend is uncomfortable with my strap-on/dildo use.

So, this will take a little explaining, but here's the short of it: I own several dildos that I've accumulated over the years, and I like to suck on them as a means of relieving stress. I discovered that I enjoy dildos and strap-ons a couple relationships ago, and eventually came to realize that sucking on a dildo centers me and soothes my nerves.

My girlfriend absolutely hates it and has threatened to leave me over this. I'm having trouble reading how serious she is when she says it. Is there an easy way to defuse the situation? Is this that strange? Can I make her see this as normal?

tl;dr: Like to suck strap-ons. Need to convince girlfriend this is OK.

cumshitter posted:

I'm guessing that's because it shows awareness of the $10,000 limit? My knowledge is that this guy would have been hosed depositing it even in smaller sums, like $2,000 every couple of months simply because he has no record of making such deposits.

quote:

First off, I want to say that I fully recognize how utterly petty, pathetic, and nonsensical this is. I have issues with anxiety and obsessive behavior (including negative thinking) which I'm currently in therapy for and will no doubt be discussing this with my therapist during the next session I have with her as well. TL:DR I can't stop fixating on my gfs sexual experience and its stupid.

To give a bit of background, I've been dating this girl for a couple of months now, and she's wonderful in every respect. She's kind, considerate, loving, and we share similar backgrounds and similar interests. And I've no doubt we share similar relationship goals too (i.e. not looking for a hookup, looking for something long-term) I traveled to her hometown for the holidays to meet her family and it was a great experience overall. She's an amazing person and I honestly think we could go far together. I haven't had a ton of experience dating girls and if I'm being completely honest, she's really the first girl that I've really seriously dated. I've only started really trying to find someone in the past year and a half or so after I'd got myself into therapy to deal with my anxiety issues and hit the gym. Never really had a GF in college or highschool.

Part of what drew me to this girl is that she seems alot like me in terms of our past dating experiences college history etc. She's a pretty reserved and shy person and so am I, and neither of us really "lived it up" in college. Without putting to fine a point on it, alot of our saturday nights were probably spent studying rather than partying. We both share some regrets about not having more experiences during that time, but we're both glad we at least made it through with good degrees and good jobs on the other end.

Now we haven't actually had sex together yet, but have gotten close. However she's not quite ready for it yet and I totally understand and have told her that I don't want to pressure her into doing anything she's not comfortable with. We'll become intimate when she's ready and not before. I should mention at this point that I'm not a virgin (despite my general lack of dating experience) and I'm also not sure whether she is or not. I'm usually not the type of person to ask about someone's past sex experiences (or lack thereof) unless they want to tell me something specific.

One evening after a night some cuddling and foreplay we started talking a bit and I causally asked if she'd given a blowjob before (honestly no idea why I decided to ask her) and she giggled shyly and replied that yes she had. At the time it didn't really bother me and I just laughed it off (because of course its absolutely nothing to be ashamed about) and I thought it was funny that she acted like it was oh-so scandalous. But for whatever reason, since then its been eating at me. And I'll reiterate that I understand completely how illogical and hypocritical this is considering the facts of my own past sexual experience. Unfortunately with anxiety knowing that something is stupid and illogical and getting over it are two totally different things.

My brain won't let me stop thinking about her going down on some dude in college/highschool/wherever and every time I think about it it makes me sick to my stomach. I keep imagining various situations it might have happened in. Was it with a boyfriend? Did she get drunk one night and give a random dude head? Did they have sex afterward? etc. etc. Now what's odd to me is that this has never happened with any other girl I've dated in the past. One girl even told me in detail of sexual experiences she'd had with guys in college (unprompted, she was just very open about this kind of stuff) and it didn't bother me at really. And I have no idea why its happening now. I know she hasn't had all that many boyfriends/dates and maybe that's part of it: because she's so very shy and reserved I wasn't expecting her to have much (or any) sexual experience as a result.

This is 110% my issue and not hers, which is why I don't even want to mention it to her that I'm feeling this way, but I also can't deny that its eating me up inside. I've done a bit of reading about people who've had similar issues with this type of thing and apparently the unofficial term for it is "Retroactive Jealousy", and all I've read seems to fit my situation to a T. This is the first time I've ever encountered this problem before so I've no idea how to handle it. Normally my obsessive negative thinking resolves about myself or things I've done in the past, never other people or things they've done, so this is something new for me.

Anyone have any advice? I'd really just like to get over this stupid hangup and continue enjoying my time getting to know this amazing girl.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Can't stop fixating on my [25 M] GF's [24 F] past sexual experiences.

quote:

We've been together for 10 years, and our kiddo will be 4 in a couple of months. Since baby was 8 weeks old, I went back to work and I've been working full time (often working on freelance projects after putting my kiddo to bed) just to get by. So there hasn't been money for a gym membership, and I struggled with prioritizing exercise with my limited free time and budget. I gained 50 pounds during the pregnancy, and I've lost just 20 pounds in 4 years.

My husband has been super supportive and says he loves me how I am, but I'm just not happy with my body. I want to lose those last 30 pounds. I want to be healthy. I want to feel strong and sexy.

Now that we're doing better financially, I've joined a gym that I LOVE. I've been super motivated and happy with my progress. I'm staying on top of my calories and making good choices about my diet. But I feel like I'm constantly fighting my husband on this, and I don't understand why.

Until this morning, I thought I was being ungrateful and overreacting, but now I think it's actually intentional. I don't buy sweets at all, because I don't want to set myself up for failure. But he always buys my favorite sweet treats and keeps them stocked in the house. Twixes, cinnamon rolls, blueberry muffins, honeybuns, all the little things I love, that are just not worth it anymore. I don't want them.

But he'll make us both a bowl of ice cream and then sulk when I say no thank you, and I have to repeat 'No' multiple times. He says he's upset because he just wanted to do something nice for me. So first I have to say no, and then I have to say, "No, really, I don't want that." And then I have to deal with his hurt feelings after.

He dropped me off at the gym my first time, and picked me up with a dozen donuts... and seemed really upset when I didn't have any.

TODAY: I asked him to get me a coffee from the store... I always get plain coffee with splenda and a few creams. I literally get the same thing every time, and he knows my order. But he came back and said, "Here's a sugar free mocha frappuccino."

It's not what I wanted, but I tried it, and it was clearly not sugar free.

Since I've been cutting out sugar, I can REALLY tell the difference. And the difference is a 50 calorie coffee (what I wanted) and a 600+ calorie sugary coffee drink (what he brought me), when my total calorie budget for the day is 1200 on no-workout days.

When I confronted him about it, he first lied and made up some convoluted story about how there was sugar free vanilla creamer and something else, and he mixed half and half... it was confusing, and I said that none of that makes sense. So he said, "Well, I knew if I told you, you wouldn't drink it."

OF COURSE I WOULDN'T DRINK IT!!

Why bring me something like that, and then LIE about it? Now I feel like he's actively sabatoging me.

It's hard enough to stay on track on my own... but this is something I REALLY want. I want to look good and feel good and show my kid what it looks like to make healthy choices. I'm not being crazy about it... I "cheat" when I want to, but it's with the awareness that, okay, yes, it's Christmas, and I'm going to eat this pecan pie because it's amazing and will be worth it. It's MY choice.

tl;dr I'm eating healthy, going to the gym, trying to get in shape and I feel like my husband (10 years) wants me to fail. How do I get through to him that this is important to me? Why does it hurt his feelings that I don't want sugar/junk food? How the hell do I get him to understand that lying to me and trying to trick me into screwing up my diet is really hosed up?

Splicer posted:

His language choice is somewhat revealing. This line especially:

Cythereal posted:

The stuff about divorce is in the comments.

InediblePenguin posted:

the part i doubt isn't divorce, it's that he actually loves his wife as a human being and is sad as opposed to annoyed and homophobic thx

SciFiDownBeat posted:

would you feel any different if the sexes were reversed?

InediblePenguin posted:

the part i doubt isn't divorce, it's that he actually loves his wife as a human being and is sad as opposed to annoyed and homophobic thx

Pick posted:

CannonFodder posted:

The best way to spend $10,000 in 20s is to use cash for all of the small transactions. Grocery store? Cash. Gas station? Cash. Fast food? Cash. It may take some time but it's untraceable.

Nonvalueadded User posted:

I was just about to emptyquote this. She's not doing it because he's a lovely lover and life partner; those Wiccans have their claws into her, are corrupting her, and step 1 in the Evil agenda is to ruin a man's life! Or, more simply, it's all about him (as usual).

So if I go into a bank and exchange >$10K of $20s for lower denominations so that I can tip appropriately and/or make it rain at the strip club, do they report that to FINCEN? Or is there some sort of "FINCEL" or "FAPCEN" org that gets reported to?

I was about to make a joke about how the best way to spend a regular illicit cash income might be through engaging the services of sex workers, but that made me wonder -- if you are a domme or escort or whatever, and you're paid in cash (and not by check like Jerry Springer did while mayor of Cincinnati), do you just have to make sure you go to the ATM to deposit cash constantly before it builds up to reportable levels?

One of my favorite running bits in the last season of Breaking Bad was Skyler trying to launder $30 at a time through phantom customers at the car wash, and then Walt would wheel in 3 cubic feet of $20s and $100s hidden under pop cases.

Schmeichy posted:

"I love my wife but don't actually care about her happiness." As he tells it, either she's gay and will be miserable being married to him forever, or he's never properly fulfilled her sexually, and doesn't seem too concerned about it. I like how her having the best sex of her life was boring for him, even though it sounds like they made an effort to include him. Just let her go man.

Motronic posted:

We got a feeder!

Husband (31M) sabatoging my (29F) diet[new]
submitted 3 minutes ago by throwaway93847677777

Nonvalueadded User posted:

Or, more simply, it's all about him (as usual).

SciFiDownBeat posted:

would you feel any different if the sexes were reversed?

cumshitter posted:

Who wouldn't? It would be way, way hotter. Repressed Mormon man leaves his controlling wife to date his handsome tennis instructor; tells his wife he can only get off to gay porn while dildoing himself now.

cumshitter posted:

Who wouldn't? It would be way, way hotter. Repressed Mormon man leaves his controlling wife to date his handsome tennis instructor; tells his wife he can only get off to gay porn while dildoing himself now.

Motronic posted:

We got a feeder!

Husband (31M) sabatoging my (29F) diet[new]
submitted 3 minutes ago by throwaway93847677777

Schmeichy posted:

I like how her having the best sex of her life was boring for him, even though it sounds like they made an effort to include him. Just let her go man.

Admiral Ray posted:

Your husband is using these food gifts as methods of control and they are, obviously, aggression. You need to either assert your dominance in the relationship and force him to eat twinkies until he becomes physically sick at the sight of them or and move on.

chemtrail huffer posted:

I mean, if leaving the church and coming out as a lesbian is what will make this woman happiest, then obviously she should do that. That said, this thread contains probably hundreds of posts pointing out (accurately) how lovely it is when one person in a relationship opens it up so they can gently caress the yoga instructor or the new intern at work, then gets mad at their partner for not being happy enough about it, so I'm kind of surprised to see everyone pivot to agreeing that this OP is being lovely and regressive for being sad that his wife is leaving him for someone who fucks better. I mean, hasn't he heard of compersion??

Renegret posted:

I can't decide if her husband is actually a feeder or is just a fatass who feels threatened by his wife's success.

He's a piece of poo poo either way.

OP posted:

His weight has fluctuated over the years, but he looks better than ever. Since he quit drinking a few years ago and does more physically demanding work now, he's dropped a lot of weight and is fit and has some really sexy muscles. He's never flat out lied like that... but he's always taken it really personally if I don't want whatever food he brings me. Like if I'm sick, and I say all I want is chicken soup, sometimes he'll slave over some complicated meal instead, and then get upset when I'm like.... okay, but I'm sick, and all I want is chicken soup out of a can, and maybe some crackers.

chemtrail huffer posted:

I mean, if leaving the church and coming out as a lesbian is what will make this woman happiest, then obviously she should do that. That said, this thread contains probably hundreds of posts pointing out (accurately) how lovely it is when one person in a relationship opens it up so they can gently caress the yoga instructor or the new intern at work, then gets mad at their partner for not being happy enough about it, so I'm kind of surprised to see everyone pivot to agreeing that this OP is being lovely and regressive for being sad that his wife is leaving him for someone who fucks better. I mean, hasn't he heard of compersion??

Jose posted:

Going to be some good posts after tomorrow

https://twitter.com/chaeronaea/status/1077263066612596737?s=19

Schmeichy posted:

Lol. Good Christmas schadenfreude. Is there a "complaining about awful gifts" SA thread again? (I have nothing to complain about, just want to enjoy the yearly bitch fest)

Pick posted:

when my mom came by to take care of Bazooka when I was out of town, she took one of the old birthday cards I'd saved, and then re-used it (assuming I would not notice). it was still signed by my deceased grandma.

The Iron Rose posted:

I think you're entitled to be more than a little upset when the love of your life leaves you regardless of the reason. But this dude is gross and I don't like how he writes about her

Schmeichy posted:

She's not asking for compersion, she's asking for a divorce because she's realized he's been a lovely partner she's gay.

Pick posted:

when my mom came by to take care of Bazooka when I was out of town, she took one of the old birthday cards I'd saved, and then re-used it (assuming I would not notice). it was still signed by my deceased grandma.

Schmeichy posted:

How did she not notice it was already signed?