Faded Mars posted:

She is clearly having separate affairs with the husband and the wife and is gleefully keeping it secret from each of them.

wesleywillis posted:

Office girl is getting the wife to drink to turn her into an alcoholic. That'll kill goon's marriage, and then she can move in to "console" her.

LingcodKilla posted:

Dude gets more action with his wife while cheating with hot office girl than I get just being married with no infidelity.

8 Ball posted:

Slim loving pickings in the fesh thread this holiday season

I read an article earlier about families breaking apart because of those dumb DNA tests, where's all that juicy goodness?

quote:

I'm a single guy, mid 30s, been in relationships in the past, but they didn't work out for various reasons. I don't smoke at all and rarely drink. This is anonymous because a LOT of goons know me IRL.

My vice is sex with older women.

I don't sleep with my exes, though I probably could with one or two. No, I absolutely prefer not just older women, but older women I work with.

Let me just preface this by saying that I'm not trying to come off as predatory or dickish, though I'm sure some of you will take it that way. I respect women, I strongly believe that they should be treated equally to men. Sexually, though, I looooooove them, and as I'm not bisexual (more power to those who are!) I have no sexual use for men, so all of my sexual thoughts are focused on women.

There's one woman I work with, Janice (not her real name) and I might be among the few who genuinely find her attractive, but I'm accepting and easy going with a lot of different body types. An ugly personality ruins a women for me FAR sooner than anything physical.

Anyway, Janice is short and pudgy and probably 15 years older than me. Long brown, almost black hair. Extremely introverted and her voice kind of drones. A few people I've spoken to can't stand her because of her voice, but I don't care.

This all started a few months ago. She sits across from me at work (very boring office job). There's supposed to be a small dividing cubicle wall that goes down to the floor, but the one between us is actually missing the bottom half. I have a work laptop that I regularly would bring home to use when doing overtime, so I was constantly going under my desk to plug and unplug it when arriving or leaving, respectively.

One time, when doing this, I looked through where the divider was supposed to be, and I saw Janice's cameltoe. She was wearing sort of tight yoga-like pants and there it was, her pudgy oval office (I use that word lovingly, just fyi) right there, maybe 5-6 feet away. I immediately felt my dick begin to stiffen and knew that I wanted more. I wanted to gently caress her so much. I imagined what it looked like, what it tasted like, how amazingly warm it would be if I was sliding inside of it.

Basically, I turned into a loving animal at that point (if only on the inside). What helped is the feeling of knowing that at that moment, I could stare all I wanted, and no one would notice. So liberating, and so sneaky.

So, to skip forward a bit, I continued to sneak peaks at Janice every time I'd come in or leave, and sometimes it would be good (like the yoga or even leather pants), sometimes, it would be denim. I began starting up conversations with her, getting to know her, and I found out that:

- she's single, used to have a long term boyfriend
- never been married
- thinks I'm attractive (her sister also works in the office and she let me know

So, it was about three months ago since the cameltoe, and also when the conversations started. I've brought up that, due to past relationships, I'm not looking for anything serious but would love to take her out sometime (I absolutely refused to lead her on, I'm not a monster. I was attracted to her physically and wanted us to gently caress like teenagers, so without exactly saying those words, I wanted her to know that).

Last month, we went out to dinner and had a lovely time. We both looked great, we talked about past relationships, things like that, and I not-too-directly reaffirmed that I'm interested in casual dating. So far, message received. She's actually very sweet, and again, I don't want her getting the wrong impression.

I drove her home, walked her to her door, expecting nothing, just telling her that I had a great time. We kissed at her door, and it lasted longer than I had expected. I instinctively put my arms around her, she pressed up against me and her hand went immediately for my dick that happened to be really loving ready. She said "I want this" while squeezing me. I asked her if she was sure, and she said yes while unlocking her door.

Oh my gently caress, I have never, ever, EVER cum so hard and so satisfactorily than I did that night. She
was amazing, and was surprisingly dirty (minded, not physically). I went down on her and it was so perfect, literally nothing I could ever want to change (full disclosure, I prefer unshaven and a bit on the bbw side, and Janice was both). I stayed the night, and sure enough, we hosed like teenagers again the next morning. She didn't give the best head, but I didn't care. Finally, I had experienced that amazingly wonderful pussy I had snuck a peak at all those weeks ago.

We've gone out about 6 times since then, sometimes just to order and stay over at each other's place and have incredible sex.

And now I have to admit that I genuinely have feelings for her. I almost blurted out that I loved her as I was cumming last week, but that's a rookie mistake.

But I gotta be honest, that moment might not be far off. I went into this just wanting pussy, and now I'm invested and really enjoy being with her, outside of the bedroom.

This might go somewhere. I hope it does. She's actually incredible.

quote:

My cat needs oral surgery, my dad has a malignant mass that necessitates removing a kidney, and I’m a lot more worried about the former.

Without getting too deep into some deeply hosed up weeds, I think it will suffice to say that he molested my adoptive sister for years beginning when she was ten years old.

So I don’t think I made any a mistake decoupling my empathy from the man, but it is weird to have that drawn into contrast and realize that I care more about my cat than my father.

loquacius posted:

I mean, it would probably make sense .... Your cat is a mostly-helpless creature under your care; your dad is a fully-grown adult who can take care of himself,

SciFiDownBeat posted:

If the guy weren't a child molester, this would be an incredibly hosed up thing to say imo

SciFiDownBeat posted:

If the guy weren't a child molester, this would be an incredibly hosed up thing to say imo

Leavemywife posted:

The fesher that's loving the older lady is a sweet story, I think. It's like a Christmas--

Wait a loving minute, he just rehashed the plot of a Hallmark channel movie, put it into a confession, and now I'm eating it up!

loquacius posted:

The Hallmark Channel is far too cowardly to have a male lead clarify to the audience that the female lead has just the right type of vagina for him

SciFiDownBeat posted:

If the guy weren't a child molester, this would be an incredibly hosed up thing to say imo

loquacius posted:

Still only got the one fesh, but it's adultery goon again:


Surrogate-family theory still looking likely, but I dunno what the drinking thing means exactly unless she knows and is just, like, not saying anything???

At any rate this sounds like it is shaping up to be a psychological thriller of some sort

Shiki Dan posted:

Solice Kirsk posted:

Work her way through that family like a recessive gene.

Poldarn posted:

This got a chuckle out of me.

Shiki Dan posted:

Also, the chance that your wife and your co-worker haven't hosed is around 1% as well.

Solice Kirsk posted:

She's gonna bang one of his sons next. Work her way through that family like a recessive gene.

quote:

This is a story of the worst thing I ever did as a child, involving mantrapping, coercive vandalism, and making a girl cry.

When I was about 12 (in 1994 or so) my parents wanted to go out for a night and they hired a babysitter because they didn't trust me not to sneak out and stay over at my friend's place, because he had a Super Nintendo and parents with very low supervision standards. And also it was a school night and I was having homework problems (not enough), video game problems (too much) and sleeping issues from having discovered jerking off all night. So they got a senior from the high school who lived a few blocks away to babysit me.

I really didn't want to be supervised, so I told the babysitter I was working on a 'homework experiment about gravity' and asked if she would help me. I went out to our garage and found a big plastic bucket, a rope, and some robins-egg blue house paint that my mother had been using to repaint the trim on our house. I poured some paint into the bucket, and asked the babysitter to go up to the second floor and drop one end of the rope out the window, which she obligingly did. Outside the house, I tied one end of the rope to the bucket and told her to haul the bucket up to the window, reach out the window and hold the handle, and untie the rope and drop it down to me.

Amazingly enough she followed my directions exactly, and wound up holding a heavy bucket with an appreciable amount of extremely vivid paint one story in the air outside a bathroom window that was too small for the bucket to fit though. I had trapped the babysitter.

At about 6 pm that evening I was over at my friend's house playing on his SNES when my dad drove up and he was super extremely angry, like angrier than I'd ever experienced before. I found out why when I got home, and saw in the car headlights a terrible splatter of blue paint running down the side of the house and a crying high school senior being comforted by my mother that it wasn't her fault. They made me apologize to the babysitter and then my mom whaled the tar out of me with a wire coat hanger. I was grounded for the rest of the school year, three months of no TV or video games, and my parents moved all my stuff except for my bed and desk and school uniforms into locked boxes in the basement. I had to wear school uniforms on even the weekend and my parents made sure everyone knew why.

quote:

I'll sometimes do some light butt-stuff when I masturbate and want to try something extra.
And earlier this week I did probably the weirdest thing I've ever done.

Short version: I filled my rear end with tomatoes.

Long version: Don't know where this idea came from but you only live once right? So I got half a pound of small grape-tomatoes, washed them and dunked them in hot water till they were body-temperature.
Then I lubed up and put them up there. They all fit. I got to admit I feel weirdly proud about how much I could fit up my rear end. And they came out the natural way after I was done.

Anyway, it felt pretty good. And the afterglow was almost two days of feeling like I'd just had a really great bowel movement.
Too bad I'm not into dudes, because putting things up your rear end is awesome. Maybe next time I'll try a full pound.

loquacius posted:

Sorry I haven't posted content in a while; been at my in-laws' for Christmas. Here's some more!


Honestly I blame cartoons

This is the kind of poo poo some lovable scamp cartoon character might have done


I mean, chase your bliss, sure, but maybe you should buy an actual sex toy instead of wasting food

ChiralCondensate posted:

Why did he bother to warm up the tomatoes? Doesn't he know you're not supposed to refrigerate them in the first place for best taste?

therattle posted:

You’re absolutely right. In the interests of research, though, I tried some at room temp (cool given that it’s winter) compared to heated, and heated is definitely pleasanter. They go in ore easily too; perhaps the warmth is more relaxing?

RFC2324 posted:

muscles naturally contract when something cold suddenly touches them.

You might try freezing a glass dildo for more hygienic experimentation.

RFC2324 posted:

muscles naturally contract when something cold suddenly touches them.

You might try freezing a glass dildo for more hygienic experimentation.

wesleywillis posted:

Make sure its solid glass and not just a jar or something....

Solice Kirsk posted:

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

DandyLion posted:

You didn't even link to the relevant NMS/NWS post of the video! There's got to be 1 or 2 folks in this thread that haven't seen it yet.