sneakyfrog posted:

at 40. can we define "much older" in like actual temporal parameters.

CheesyDog posted:

quote:

My boss brought me into his office today and said one of my coworkers complained that I was sexually harassing her. I've only worked here for a couple weeks, we actually started together. Ever since our first day of work we've been friendly, even flirty. She told about she and her fiance may break up and I jokingly told her I would take her out afterwards. She laughed and jokingly agreed!

Even though they later got back together, we still had friendly chats every morning. I sometimes tapped her on the shoulder and we would chat for a bit.

Apparently that made her feel uncomfortable so she complained. I'm not in trouble thankfully, it was just a warning, but I definitely feel betrayed by it.

My office has some beautiful women and I wouldn't mind dating them but I have to say this recent incident makes me scared now of approaching women. I don't really have any friends outside of work but I don't want one of these women to get me fired either.

If you can't tell already this whole thing definitely has me feeling a bit bitter and even angry.

quote:

I should probably also add that I'm quite obese. I'm not sure if that makes any difference but it's definitely something I've thought about so I figured I'd put it out there.
posted by CurioslySatisfying at 3:32 PM on October 29

CheesyDog posted:

How can I date women at work without being accused of sexual harassment?

LabyaMynora posted:

Oh, hey! It's THAT guy! What's up, THAT guy?

CheesyDog posted:

How can I date women at work without being accused of sexual harassment?


additional details from OP:

CheesyDog posted:

god AskMetafilter would be a goldmine if every post wasn't a novel-length explanation of personal anxiety

quote:

I'm considering shaving my head as an outward expression of grief. Am I nuts? I've been considering it for about six months. It's not going away.

Yeah so I'm continually posting questions about the fact that my bestie is about to die, way too early, from cancer. I'm sad and angry. I'm furious, as a matter of fact. I never had a punk rock phase but it feels like that's what I'm about to go through. And I want to express my rage in a way that doesn't get me arrested. How about shaving my head?

It feels kind of epic and total, and like there will be a process involved with growing it out, and this will be symbolic of my grief and processing it and going on and persisting though she died.

What am I not considering? What should I think through? Is this a habit of any particular culture or religion? Are there other death/grief customs I should be thinking about instead?

CheesyDog posted:

How can I date women at work without being accused of sexual harassment?


additional details from OP:

Biomute posted:

She's 40. How much older does she want to date? That's granddaddy issues if anything.

spacetoaster posted:

They double your pay? lol, bullshit.

CheesyDog posted:

How can I date women at work without being accused of sexual harassment?


additional details from OP:

OMGVBFLOL posted:

sorry to do this but can i please, please get a link to the post the title is from

i got to know

quote:

My boyfriend abstains from ejaculation during sex and sexual activities. It makes me feel tremendously frustrated, sad, and turned-off. I have no clue how to even begin to unpack why I feel this way, or how to navigate the inevitable discussion I'll need to have about it with him.

This is a newer relationship (<6 months, though we casually dated for a few months 5+ years ago), but one in which I am incredibly invested and committed. We've exchanged the L word, make plans for the future, are kind and supportive of one another, do fun activities, laugh a lot, talk, etc. Everything beyond this ONE part of our sex life is pretty drat good. Our communication styles match up really well, so I know I can talk to him about this safely. I just don't know where to start.

During sex (all types, including manual stimulation) BF will pause and prevent himself from reaching orgasm and ejaculating. At all. For the entire session. Sometimes for days, and generally aims to prevent the crescendo for as long as possible. When I've asked about it, he cites the benefits claimed in Classical Chinese and Indian practices (Taoist, Tantra, etc). It seems pretty important to him.

I want to better understand why people would do this. A lot of alleged benefits I found while researching seemed pseudoscientific at best. My initial conclusion is that it all seems pretty pointless unless you're recovering from an addiction to masturbation or suffer from premature ejaculation. (No to both.)

The reality of how this affects me is that the flow of sex is interrupted, sometimes several times, and my own 'counter' resets to zero. I don't get to enjoy my partner being visibly, audibly, and definitively satisfied. I end up feeling incredibly frustrated, even if I've had an orgasm. It all feels artificial and arbitrary. Like he's not being entirely present during sex because he's more focused on avoiding something instead of just relaxing and having fun.

I love sex and I pride myself on keeping a healthy view towards everything to do with it. This whole deal has completely thrown me for a loop. We have sex frequently and it doesn't at all read like a fetish or a kink. (And in fact, negatively impacts at least one important kink/fetish of my own.)

What the heck? How do I approach this? Am I missing something? Are there any negative side-effects to withholding ejaculation? Am I being ridiculous here?

quote:

My (m)husband lives abroad and he and his (f) platonic friend from out of town are hanging out. She is very attractive, a lot younger, and a wonderful person. She recently sent me a few pictures of their time together and including one with his nails painted, and mentioned she painted them.

I know that this was done it innocently, and I wasn't mad, but it did make me feel weird, slightly uncomfortable, and I told my husband that. He seemed really defensive about my reaction. Am I over-reacting? I just think that doing that is kind of an intimate thing. This girl used to be my husband's neighbor and used to boss him around and have him take her garbage out and stuff, so there's also a kind of flirty power dynamic because my husband isn't like super-femme and doesn't paint his nails on his own for fun.

CheesyDog posted:

Boyfriend practices semen retention. It sucks. What can I do?

Midnight Voyager posted:

...I mean, at her age, her dad would be old enough to be a granddad. That's how time works.

CheesyDog posted:

Boyfriend practices semen retention. It sucks. What can I do?

And in fact, negatively impacts at least one important kink/fetish of my own.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My dad [60sM] spent the last year belittling my [26F] master's program. Now he wants to come to the graduation.

This isn't the first time I've posted to r/relationships about my dad and it's unlikely to be the last. He and I have a very strained, problematic relationship that's gotten worse over the last year. Having received great advice on my last post I'm giving this another whirl.

I finished my bachelor's degree back in 2015 at a school that's considered fairly prestigious internationally. The workload was very intense and extremely stressful, and after four years there I graduated with a degree and the educational equivalent of PTSD. I knew I wanted something different for my master's, so I decided to apply to a program in Europe. I was ecstatic when they accepted me.

My dad for some inexplicable reason doesn't like my program. He's made many comments to friends and family about it not being a "real" program or not being distinguished enough because the workload is much less than it was for my bachelor's. He recently told my sister that my degree is worthless and will get me nowhere finding a job. These comments are frankly baseless; it's an economics degree from a very respected European university. It's far from worthless. Regardless, I committed a year of my life to this program and put in a lot of effort to do well. It's really hurtful for him to dismiss it or say the things he does. To date I don't think he's said one positive thing about my program - not even a congratulations when I finished my thesis. In fact, when I told him I was accepted the first thing he asked me was "are you sure it's not a scam?"

I should add that this is fairly typical of my dad. He can be very critical and vocal of things he decides he doesn't like. He offers zero emotional support. I've spoken to him many times about his comments - I tell them how awful they make me feel and how I want him to stop making them. He either lies and claims he never said such things, or (my favorite) he puts me down for having such low self esteem that I can't handle the criticism.

It is very clear to me that my dad lacks the capacity for empathy and has very little understanding of human emotions, and the sad part is that in the end he's the one who suffers the most. A few days ago he asked for the graduation ceremony date so he could arrange his schedule to attend (the ceremony is in Europe and so he would need to fly there). It's clear he'd like to be a part of the celebrations but I'm so hurt that I don't want him there. My friends and family are telling me that I should be the bigger person and let him come. They believe that my dad can't really help the way he is and that since he's been this way for so long, I should know not to attribute any value to his words. I'm not sure what to do.

TLDR: My dad says mean comments about my master's program and has offered me no support whatsoever throughout. He's now asking for an invitation to the graduation ceremony. I don't want him there but friends and family are telling me to be the bigger person and let him come.

sneakyfrog posted:

or barring that, look directly into his eyes and begin singing the timeless love ballad blue by eiffel 65

CheesyDog posted:

How can I date women at work without being accused of sexual harassment?


additional details from OP:

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

Yo listen up, here's the story
About a little sperm that lives in a blue ball
And all day and all night and everything he sees is just jizz
Like him, inside, not outside


Gonna guess here that his flirtation and shoulder tapping is underplayed. I'd call out unreliable narrator but he was kind enough to let us know he's obese.

quote:

I've been together for almost eight years. are drug use has been escalating to insane levels over the last month.

One morning she panics thinks that she has proof devices are spying on us and convinced family is going to lock her up. She got hers everything throws it in the car and says we have to go we have to leave town. Fast forward 3 and 1/2 hours later we drive to the other side of the state. The whole car ride I could not convince her that nothing was going to happen. I felt like a hostage for the 3.5 hour car ride.

Eventually she relinquishes control of the vehicle and allows me to drive saying that she needs help. During the car ride convinced or electronics and some of our personal gear is bugged throws everything out the window. SIM cards from all our cell phones rendering them all useless. Throughout a book bag with miscellaneous paperwork like our tax documents & our IDs. Through a new laptop out the window as well. To make matters worse we take suboxone she threw those out the window too.

During my short time driving at two intersections she grabs the keys out of the ignition and throws the keys across the street. I screamed and yelled to get her to come back in the car and she did bring the keys back so we drove further down the road.

turns out on the second time back with the keys she wanted to drive I let her drive she ends up peeling wheels power braking etc ends up wrecking the vehicle. She gets in the car with a pasergoer and goes up the road. At this point I get scared and actually turn the other way. I make my way into an unnamed business. I realize now that this is the first time I truly separated from her in the last 4-5 years.

Stranded half dope sick (remember she threw suboxene out window) and broke call my family for the first time in years. My family is 1200 miles north. At this point I give up & sit behind the unnamed business for few hours. The owner of the business taps me on the shoulder and asks what happened. I explained him story since its near the holidays he offers to buy me hotel room at local Motel. He drives me there and I immediately check in and go to sleep.

I wake up at 5 a.m. and dislocated my shoulder in my sleep I must have had a seizure cuz of the detox. I can't move cuz of the pain so I lay awake in the same position till housekeeping comes at 10 a.m. to kick me out. Do they call for a local ambulance and I am driven away to local hospital. They try to treat me for dislocated shoulder but when I wake from local anesthesia the shoulder is still out of socket. They can do nothing for detox so I sit in bed dope sick till they booked an orthopedic surgeon in operating room following morning.

During this time i call girlfriends house. Somehow she made it home and I'm still stuck in this Faraway town in hospital. She still sounds crazy like that delusional paranoid stuff during the car ride. She is still crazy.

Eventually I get a hold of family member and parents have family member pick me up at hospital and fly me back home 1200 miles away. I speak to girlfriend she is still crazy almost a week later delusional and paranoid. She thinks I'm the police and thanks people around her are poisoning her which is absolutely not true. Find out she gets committed to psych ward does a 72-hour stay. I call her all the way up until Christmas Eve which is almost seven days later she still rambling and crazy. She says parents are going to send her to some kind of rehab or treatment.

For me I lost everything I am lucky that I have excellent job experience and can make top dollar. I am sure I will find a job paying at least 50,000 or more in a week or so. Haven't heard from the girlfriend since she what a way to treatment. There was so much more to this story but just want to speak about the final day. What do you think I should do I don't think this has happened to too many people.

Please provide honest insight no matter how hard it may sound. I do love her and wish she would return to the mental state I always knew. I am scared she will never come back what do you guys think?

LadyPictureShow posted:

(39M) was stranded on side of road from (37F) fiance due to drug induced phychosis


What in the...

Drunk Nerds posted:

I feel like asking someone out, combined with tapping them on the shoulder repeatedly while they are in their cubicle working, is something HR would want to clamp down on even if it doesn't technically violate rules. Don't bother people at work.

(I know he didn't say he tapped her shoulder while she was working, but I can't think of another context at work where you can't just make eye contact and talk).

This is one of my favorite unreliable narrators, as it explains the rash of "don't talk to females at work. Don't engage them one-on-one without a witness. Not worth it." Posts I see. The quote I just cited was verbatim from an article about sexual harassment in the NFL.

Barudak posted:

Hi, please dont call it alcoholism, but I cant stop thinking about the sweet taste of booze on my lips. I know drinking will only implode my life, but I want tips from people who have been there before about how to best curl up and just hold and carress a bottle of liquor for hours.

quote:

I have been dating my girlfriend[26f] for about two years now, and last year I started dating my boyfriend[23m]. While my boyfriend and girlfriend don't date each other, they are extremely close. My boyfriend moved in with us about six months ago, and things are going as smoothly as ever.

About two weeks ago I was talking with one of my favorite coworkers (I'll call them S) over lunch, and I accidentally said "my boyfriend and I," and because S knows I have a girlfriend (and I thought I could trust them to keep it in confidence) I told him about my relationship-situation.

S was fascinated and by the whole arrangement and had lots and lots of questions which I was happy to answer. Later S went out with another coworker and ended up telling them about it, and that coworker seems have to told the entire goddamn office...

One coworker in particular (Let's call her H) is extremely uncomfortable with this information. She has been openly hostile towards me since finding out. She sent me a nasty email telling me that my choice of relationship was wicked and perverse. She has been very vocal about how she doesn't trust me not to try and "steal" other people's boyfriends/husbands. She apparently made some comment about how she, "Won't be bringing her husband to the Halloween party with me around."

I am not a confrontational person in the least (it scares the poo out of me actually,) and thus far I have just avoided this woman like the plague. I feel as though I am being bullied in my place of work, and while I've just tried to ignore it I can't deny it hurts my feelings. I am also extremely angry at both S, who told my chatty coworker, and I am LIVID at my chatty coworker who told EVERYONE.

My relationship is nobody business but mine and my partners, but the cat's thoroughly out of the bag at this point and there's not much I can do other than work on some damage control.

TL;DR: My whole office knows I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. How on earth do I convince them I am not some sort of amoral slutbag?

EDIT: Lots of people are saying I never should've told S in the first place. That's a lesson DEFINITELY learned, from now on I am keeping all this in the vault. I consider S to be a close personal friend, as well as a coworker. I've known him for years, and he's the person who got me this job in the first place. He has been extremely apologetic and assures me that should I trust him with personal info again, he'll keep it to himself.

I haven't reported H to HR because (and I know this is silly) I don't want to talk about being in a polyamorous relationship with them. One of the things I'm afraid of, being in a poly-relationship, is being a spectacle. I realize I have to get over that and I'm going to report her tomorrow.

CheesyDog posted:

How can I date women at work without being accused of sexual harassment?

additional details from OP:

Pick posted:

I use two squares and it's never been an issue in my life.