Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

SciFiDownBeat posted:

Between the name bullying and their weirdo parents, Espen and Euterpe are gonna have a really rough childhood

Seriously, even Aspen would be better than Espen, still terrible, but less awful....

Jesus christ why do parents curse their kids with these names?

E: Hot coworker boning goon:

We were all hoping for some huge crazy rear end melt down or ~~maybe a murder suicide~~ some giant drama poo poo. I think we're pretty disappointed.

On the other hand, its good on your end that poo poo didn't totally melt down. You still have your job, you still see your kids, etc...

wesleywillis fucked around with this message at 17:49 on Jan 9, 2019

# ? Jan 9, 2019 17:44

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# ? May 25, 2024 16:04

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Better hope those girls grow up pretty otherwise I agree with the other goons that it will be hell. Pretty girls can have any ol' stupid name and go through life just fine though. Just look at Isla Fisher.

# ? Jan 9, 2019 18:53

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

In retrospect I don't know exactly why we all thought that was going to be a big atom-bomb-level drama explosion; plenty of people have extramarital affairs all the time with either no consequences or extremely banal ones like these :shrug:

Either way now that his marriage has disintegrated I predict hot coworker will get bored with him and move on to another schlubby middle-aged dude that reminds her of her dad within the month

# ? Jan 9, 2019 18:58

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Now we can only look forward to when their work relationship blows up and one of them loses their job. So long as there's one explosion we can count this as an Anon Confession Thread victory.

# ? Jan 9, 2019 19:01

Schneider Inside Her: Aug 6, 2009; Please bitches. If nothing else I am a gentleman

Solice Kirsk posted:

Better hope those girls grow up pretty otherwise I agree with the other goons that it will be hell. Pretty girls can have any ol' stupid name and go through life just fine though. Just look at Isla Fisher.

Isla Fisher is successful because she is extremely funny and an extreme rig

# ? Jan 9, 2019 19:33

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

I probably said it back then too but the Espen girl probably will only get moderately teased since it's almost like a real name if you don't know what it's supposed to stand for, and the ones who do will tease her for her parents stealing her name from the awful Adam Sandler movie "Blended" than about the name itself.

# ? Jan 9, 2019 19:36

Serotonin: Jul 14, 2001; The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of *blank*

I believe bug ninjas story cos I spent nearly ten days in a coma and the dreams/delusions I had felt as real as anything I�ve ever experienced in waking life.

# ? Jan 9, 2019 19:50

necroid: May 14, 2009

honest question, do they usually give comatose patients sedatives or drugs that might inadvertently aid these dreams? or is it just the brain saying gently caress it, keep the messed up body imma dream of bugs and titties?

# ? Jan 9, 2019 20:03

Serotonin: Jul 14, 2001; The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of *blank*

necroid posted:

honest question, do they usually give comatose patients sedatives or drugs that might inadvertently aid these dreams? or is it just the brain saying gently caress it, keep the messed up body imma dream of bugs and titties?

Yep. I was mostly in an induced coma so was on huge amount of opiate painkillers as well as sedatives. I�d imagine that combined with being really loving physically unwell fucks your mind up.

Also ICU delirium is a thing

https://www.icudelirium.org/patients-and-families/overview

I definitely had that pretty bad for a few days

# ? Jan 9, 2019 20:06

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I probably said it back then too but the Espen girl probably will only get moderately teased since it's almost like a real name if you don't know what it's supposed to stand for, and the ones who do will tease her for her parents stealing her name from the awful Adam Sandler movie "Blended" than about the name itself.

Not only that they sound "weird" or possibly "foreign" but also that it's incredibly easy to twist them into put downs. "rear end-peen" and "You-twerpy" off the top of my head.

# ? Jan 9, 2019 20:10

a mysterious cloak: Apr 5, 2003; Leave me alone, dad, I'm with my friends!

You can totally dream under sedation! Usually people don't remember much, but they can be like any other dream - mundane and boring, terrifying, or cool and awesome like bug warrior. Sometimes we'd hear about in the recovery room.

I wish I could have awesome dreams that I want to go back to. Mine are always nightmarish or weird.

# ? Jan 9, 2019 20:12

Rad-daddio: Apr 25, 2017

When I'm past the point of exaustion, I usually have the most vivid and memorable dreams. This is especially true if I'm also injured or otherwise hurting.

Maybe I'm just one traumatic event away from my own Bug Narnia.

Sad to see the cheater goon tossed his wife. Was hoping he'd pull his head out of his rear end and get counseling er something.

# ? Jan 9, 2019 20:21

Shiki Dan: Oct 27, 2010; If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine

loquacius posted:

In retrospect I don't know exactly why we all thought that was going to be a big atom-bomb-level drama explosion; plenty of people have extramarital affairs all the time with either no consequences or extremely banal ones like these

Either way now that his marriage has disintegrated I predict hot coworker will get bored with him and move on to another schlubby middle-aged dude that reminds her of her dad within the month

We expected it because it sounded fake, but this is such a goony ending that it's looking sadly real.

I still can't believe the wife never suspected anything, but the OP must be such a schlubby goon that she wouldn't believe a hot chick half his age was genuinely interested in him and that it was a real "mentor" relationship.

Some props to goon for being able to be honest with his wife, but minus a million for making the wrong pick.

Now that you're not married and in a devoted relationship, hot chick is going to have absolutely no interest in you anymore since there's no more thrill in loving you while your wife is watching TV upstairs.

quote:

I suggested that we start doing it at her house more, but hot office girl was totally fine with me plowing her up against the washing machine or on a sleeping bag next to my wife's car. I still don't get it. I really don't know much about hot office girl, besides her former drinking problems and whatever little information she shares about her past. It's usually not much. I don't know how someone as attractive as she is would be so accommodating of a cheater and an adulterous relationship. I can't even take her out on a decent date. Why the hell would she be so tolerant of this?

To spell it out for you, since you are so clueless: D-A-D-D-Y I-S-S-U-E-S

Actually, I'll go even further and assume she's actually not a sociopathic homewrecker.

You said earlier she genuinely wanted you to stay with your wife while she was loving you.

In her own hosed up way, she wanted to be in your family, as your daughter.

Daddy obviously raped her, and the rest of her family probably was a huge mess.
So she grows up and meets you, seemingly perfect and loving husband and father, which she never had.
Due to hosed-up sexual trauma, she equates paternal love with her sexual desire, and wants you to be the daddy she never had. That's why she bonded with your wife, also because she probably never had a good relationship with her mother either.
She didn't want to replace your wife either, because she still sees herself as your daughter, and didn't want to break up her new "perfect family".
That's why she wanted to be at your house all the time, that's why she wanted to gently caress you in your house.

And yes, this is all some supremely hosed up poo poo and you all need some counseling.

Shiki Dan fucked around with this message at 23:18 on Jan 9, 2019

# ? Jan 9, 2019 23:04

Rad-daddio: Apr 25, 2017

Shiki Dan posted:

We expected it because it sounded fake, but this is such a goony ending that it's looking sadly real.

I still can't believe the wife never suspected anything, but the OP must be such a schlubby goon that she wouldn't believe a hot chick half his age was genuinely interested in him and that it was a real "mentor" relationship.

Some props to goon for being able to be honest with his wife, but minus a million for making the wrong pick.

Now that you're not married and in a devoted relationship, hot chick is going to have absolutely no interest in you anymore since there's no more thrill in loving you while your wife is watching TV upstairs.

To spell it out for you, since you are so clueless: D-A-D-D-Y I-S-S-U-E-S

Actually, I'll go even further and assume she's actually not a sociopathic homewrecker.

You said earlier she genuinely wanted you to stay with your wife while she was loving you.

In her own hosed up way, she wanted to be in your family, as your daughter.

Daddy obviously raped her, and the rest of her family probably was a huge mess.
So she grows up and meets you, seemingly perfect and loving husband and father, which she never had.
Due to hosed-up sexual trauma, she equates paternal love with her sexual desire, and wants you to be the daddy she never had. That's why she bonded with your wife, also because she probably never had a good relationship with her mother either.
She didn't want to replace your wife either, because she still sees herself as your daughter, and didn't want to break up her new "perfect family".
That's why she wanted to be at your house all the time, that's why she wanted to gently caress you in your house.

And yes, this is all some supremely hosed up poo poo and you all need some counseling.

So, are all daddy issues related to incest? If so, that's gonna paint a lot of pop culture in a much darker light for me.

# ? Jan 9, 2019 23:22

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Rad-daddio posted:

So, are all daddy issues related to incest? If so, that's gonna paint a lot of pop culture in a much darker light for me.

The more mundane cause is a workaholic dad who doesn't "do" childcare, especially with girls, and ignores his daughter her entire childhood, leaving her starved for attention from older men

Usually that just makes women into attention hogs who are into older guys though, something like this might have a more severe cause but we're jumping to some pretty severe conclusions by now

# ? Jan 9, 2019 23:29

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Rad-daddio posted:

So, are all daddy issues related to incest? If so, that's gonna paint a lot of pop culture in a much darker light for me.

Idiots who've listened to a couple episodes of Loveline think so

# ? Jan 9, 2019 23:29

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

So how do I need to neglect my daughters specifically to make them grow up to be attracted to stable people with jobs?

# ? Jan 9, 2019 23:42

Johnny-on-the-Spot: Apr 17, 2015; That feeling when he opens
the door for you

very carefully

# ? Jan 10, 2019 00:08

Admiralty Flag: Jun 7, 2007; to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

tactlessbastard posted:

So how do I need to neglect my daughters specifically to make them grow up to be attracted to stable people with jobs?

Go back through all the r/r posts where there is an M 10+ years older than the F. Would you want your (or anyobe�s) daughter attracted to any of these men?

Unfortunately we mostly learn how to have human relationships from our parent(s), and gently caress it�s deptessing to think about how this creates self-perpetuating negative cycles.

I�m not necessarily talking about romantic/sexual relationships. Seeing how bad parenting completely fucks up foster kids� expectations of and behavior with other people is demoralizing.

# ? Jan 10, 2019 00:16

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Nonvalueadded User posted:

Go back through all the r/r posts where there is an M 10+ years older than the F. Would you want your (or anyobe’s) daughter attracted to any of these men?

Unfortunately we mostly learn how to have human relationships from our parent(s), and gently caress it’s deptessing to think about how this creates self-perpetuating negative cycles.

I’m not necessarily talking about romantic/sexual relationships. Seeing how bad parenting completely fucks up foster kids’ expectations of and behavior with other people is demoralizing.

The dudes getting posted about aren't stable.

And 'stable with a job' doesn't automatically mean someone much older, or a man

I mean, Pick's got a job

# ? Jan 10, 2019 00:22

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

My sister named her daughter after her maiden name. So this little girl's first name is the same as my surname. It's not even one of those names that works as both and it's not even a common name. Poor kid.

# ? Jan 10, 2019 00:41

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Shiki Dan posted:

And yes, this is all some supremely hosed up poo poo and you all need some counseling.

Yyyyeaaaahhh.... "counselling" Read the thread title pal. Something about cutting off dicks.

Cut your dick off hot co-worker goon. Maybe get her to do it for you.

# ? Jan 10, 2019 00:57

thoughts and prayers: Apr 22, 2013; Love heals all wounds. We hope you continually carry love in your heart. Today and always, may loving memories bring you peace, comfort, and strength. We sympathize with the family of (Name). We shall never forget you in our prayers and thoughts. I am at a loss for words during this sorrowful time.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I probably said it back then too but the Espen girl probably will only get moderately teased since it's almost like a real name if you don't know what it's supposed to stand for, and the ones who do will tease her for her parents stealing her name from the awful Adam Sandler movie "Blended" than about the name itself.

It's a real name in Scandinavia, I know two Espens

it's a man's name here, tho, but Sandy and Avery and Ashley and a bunch of other (stripper) names were too

# ? Jan 10, 2019 01:10

thoughts and prayers: Apr 22, 2013; Love heals all wounds. We hope you continually carry love in your heart. Today and always, may loving memories bring you peace, comfort, and strength. We sympathize with the family of (Name). We shall never forget you in our prayers and thoughts. I am at a loss for words during this sorrowful time.

Shiki Dan posted:

To spell it out for you, since you are so clueless: D-A-D-D-Y I-S-S-U-E-S

Actually, I'll go even further and assume she's actually not a sociopathic homewrecker.

You said earlier she genuinely wanted you to stay with your wife while she was loving you.

In her own hosed up way, she wanted to be in your family, as your daughter.

Daddy obviously raped h

Whoah whoah whoah dude, let's not go all Oprah here

She could also just have real attachment issues and goes for the adrenaline rush of the 'taboo' with someone that isn't a real threat to her inner self

Like, it's the sexual equivalent to going bungee jumping all the time

They're probably also daddy issues, but could just be garden variety 'emotional abandonment'

# ? Jan 10, 2019 01:14

bell jar: Feb 25, 2009

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GfgnBEZsj4

# ? Jan 10, 2019 01:16

Shiki Dan: Oct 27, 2010; If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine

thoughts and prayers posted:

Whoah whoah whoah dude, let's not go all Oprah here

She could also just have real attachment issues and goes for the adrenaline rush of the 'taboo' with someone that isn't a real threat to her inner self

Like, it's the sexual equivalent to going bungee jumping all the time

They're probably also daddy issues, but could just be garden variety 'emotional abandonment'

If this was just a garden-variety "hooks up with older dudes around the office" girl, then I admit my theory would be going too far.

But the girl practically MOVED IN with his family. She tried to be BESTIES WITH HIS WIFE.
The OP said she spent so much time around the house that even the in-laws were tipped off.
The girl also said she wanted OP to stay with his wife.
Most typical "homewreckers" get possessive and derive a thrill out of stealing the committed man away.

# ? Jan 10, 2019 01:30

Admiralty Flag: Jun 7, 2007; to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

tactlessbastard posted:

The dudes getting posted about aren't stable.

And 'stable with a job' doesn't automatically mean someone much older, or a man

I mean, Pick's got a job

You�re absolutely right to call me out on my heteronormativity.

I was going to add that you can�t neglect/abuse kids into making good decisions but you sort of can. Kid of addict avoiding drugs; spendthrift broke parents cause kid to be fastidious with money; etc. But this usually comes with a lot of negative knock-on effects.

# ? Jan 10, 2019 01:32

OMFG FURRY: Jul 10, 2006; [snarky comment]

its almost like there is no such thing as a perfect childhood

# ? Jan 10, 2019 01:55

A_Bug_That_Thinks: Mar 16, 2011; ASK ME ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE BIG SAGGY POKEMON TITS

Your daughter's name is ESPN

# ? Jan 10, 2019 02:23

jobson groeth: May 17, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

A_Bug_That_Thinks posted:

Your daughter's name is ESPN

You can't spell PENIS without ESPN.

# ? Jan 10, 2019 02:48

Incoherence: May 22, 2004; POYO AND TEAR

jobson groeth posted:

You can't spell PENIS without ESPN.

# ? Jan 10, 2019 02:53

bell jar: Feb 25, 2009

jobson groeth posted:

You can't spell PENIS without ESPN.

What if I am a dick

# ? Jan 10, 2019 02:54

Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

bell jar posted:

What if I am a dick

�what if�

# ? Jan 10, 2019 03:43

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Incoherence posted:

# ? Jan 10, 2019 07:18

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

My dad was killed on 9/11 and it was pretty k-rad. (No har har he was not flying the plane)

You see, as long as I can remember, my dad has been... doing things... to me. I realize now that I had been groomed all my life, and some of my "acting out" was because on some level I knew how hosed up his behaviors were. Not only did he molest me, I later found out he filmed it and put it out on the early web. I won't go into detail since I know there are some hosed up ~~mods~~ goons on this site who'd get excited. I read the threads, I know there's a contingent of sick fucks here who'd love to see a tabooless world and pretend to read every bit of true crime that comes their way because they want to post about how Uncool And Bad the person was. It's performative and I see through people like you.

I was finally gathering the courage to come forward sophomore year of high school, when 9/11 happened. He'd always been an abusive piece of poo poo, but I don't think my mom knew how bad it truly was. But it was verboten to speak out. Like he's some loving hero for getting fragged by a couple guys with boxcutters.

Anyways, the secret is it was the happiest day of my life. I got money - both from his estate, his insurance, and various legal actions and victim's funds. I was able to get into a college I shouldn't have by spinning a sob story about how my mediocre grades were grief, not me partying high school away because I knew I'd never have to worry about money again. Likewise in grad school anytime I felt like not doing work I just feigned depression. And of course, people lined up to "mentor" me since they thought my story so... tragic

I mean

Just because you're not depressed over the thing people think you are doesn't mean you're not a child-molestation victim honestly. If I were you I'd stop telling people the 9/11 story to get out of poo poo and start telling a therapist about the whole child-abuse thing. It would work just as well for that purpose as well as actually being a thing that affected you that you need to process and heal from.

quote:

In the relationship thread, someone just posted a thread that my girlfriend apparently posted on reddit. And now I�m very depressed.

Over the last 5 years my health had declined through no fault of my own and I�ve gained approximately 300 lbs. Again, this is a side effect of a lower back injury which left me temporarily bedridden and is not due to laziness or whatever.

I rely on my girlfriend to wash me, change my clothes, turn me over to avoid bed sores, change my diaper, and masturbate me (sex is currently infeasible). Obviously this is a lot to ask, but I bring a lot to the relationship and take care of her when she�s sick or tired.

After a major argument she threatened to leave me, then apparently decided to post about how awful I was. We were attempting to work things out, but according to her post I�m apparently some loser who�s going to die without her.

I�ve been kind of shocked by the bluntness of her post and am now looking to change my life to be more independent. Obviously the first step is to start cleaning up my apartment by investing in a roomba, but I can�t afford that. Especially right now since I�ll need a nurse to come daily AND will need to invest more in food without my girlfriend cooking for me.

I don�t work but I receive some small government assistance due to my disability. That barely covers rent, food, and the nurse. Let alone things like entertainment (I am stuck at home so I rent a lot of movies and play games). I will also need to hire a prostitute regularly to masturbate me, and I�m guessing that�s expensive, too.

All in all, today might be the worst day of my life. Seeing how gross my girlfriend was posted online, realizing how she saw me? I hope nobody else suffers like that.

Is there some reason you can't masturbate yourself like everyone else because if so I didn't see it

# ? Jan 10, 2019 13:34

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

loquacius posted:

Is there some reason you can't masturbate yourself like everyone else because if so I didn't see it

can't reach

# ? Jan 10, 2019 13:59

Patrat: Feb 14, 2012

Also why not just. . . Eat less? I mean sure, being housebound and poor will make being actively svelte tough but eating 1/3 as much junk food has to be cheaper than eating enough junk food to turn into a quarter ton land whale.

# ? Jan 10, 2019 14:18