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AITA for being offended at my wife of now 27 years Wife and I just celebrated 27 years of marriage last week. I've known her since 1985. I do all the cooking for the family. Son is on the spectrum and is very particular of what he'll eat (hates pizza, cheese, pasta). We found out 2 years ago my wife is Gluten Intolerant, she has Celiac's Desease and gets very ill if she ingests gluten. I take particular care when cooking for her as well as factor in what to cook for my son, it can get cumbersome juggling both requirements. We talk about her finally figuring out she can't eat gluten "all of the time". For years it's been a struggle for her until she figured it out and it's a topic that comes up a few times a week. Last night I made a pot roast and used a corn starch slurry to make the gravy. She comes up, looks at it and says, "I can't eat that, you used flour for the gravy, I'm gluten intolerant"! I looked at her and said, "Do you really think I'd make that with flour? Do you think I'm a loving idiot"!? I just dropped the utensils, walked away and went upstairs for the night. I haven't apologized and either did she. She did eat supper which I passed on, I was too pissed. I can't believe she would think that of me. I haven't looked her in the eye since. Am I the rear end in a top hat?
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Jan 15, 2019 07:30
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for being offended at my wife of now 27 years fuckin' lol, yes
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Jan 15, 2019 07:39
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Boss just emailed me an unsolicited dick pic. Found out he is on sex offender list, advice? First of all I am a straight, young looking guy in my early twenties and I work for a small retail store that is owned by a marrried gay couple. I have worked there for several months now without incident but today I received two identical emails from my main boss/store owner, each containing nothing but an attached picture of a fairly large erect penis. Because of his weight I knew it's wasn't of him but it may have been of his husband/co-owner. , or simply just porn. Now I have been receiving weird, incomplete emails from him occasionally as of late, for example, an email with a subject line that doesn't make sense and has no content; which leads me to believe it may have somehow been an accident but i just don't know how you accidentally email something like that to one of your employees. For what it's worth, I had heard rumors that he is on the sex offender list, which I just confirmed. He was charged with sexual misconduct with a child under 16 about 15 years ago. What do I do? I am willing to entertain the possibility it was actually an accident but I want more than just an apology. I feel this is a serious violation. I am considering asking for a settlement or pursuing legal action. Any and all advice is welcome, thank you. Edit: This is not the first time I've been sexually harassed by an older gay man, owing most likely to my extremely young looks; many people tell me I look like I'm in high school. The more I think about it the more angry I become and I feel like actually doing something about it. UPDATE: I texted him asking why I received pornographic emails from him on my work email address and stated I had proof. He said he had no idea and then asked me to forward them to him and delete them! UPDATE 2: For better or worse I told my boss it was very easy to NOT send pictures of an erect penis to your employees, I was aware of his status as a sex offender, and told him I would be back to collect my check at the end of the month. In the heat of the moment I even told him I might feel obligated to take additional steps if I wasn't compensated properly. He hasn't responded.
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Jan 15, 2019 07:49
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Lol at that second edit, why did he jump the gun? What a loving moron. Yeah, let me just blackmail my employer via written communications.
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Jan 15, 2019 09:10
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Smirking_Serpent posted:in comparative mythology, many stories appear across cultures – the great flood, the dying-and-rising-god, a titanomachy, etc. But perhaps none is as enduring as the eternal legend of a man who demands a paternity test of his faithful wife... Jesus. Like, maybe get your sperm count checked before accusing your wife of cheating.
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Jan 15, 2019 09:20
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I reported child abuse, now I’m getting blasted on Facebook I’m in MA. I work (worked) at a small, family owned child development center. I’ve been here for 2 years and have become really friendly with two of my coworkers, we’ll call them M and B. One of my coworkers, my boss’s sister, K, is not particularly nice to the children. I’ve caught her yelling at them on more than one occasion, and she works in the young toddler room (1-2 year olds) so yelling is not an effective way to communicate with them, or any young child really. M used to tell me that she’d seen K grab children aggressively before. I asked her if she told our boss and she’d always roll her eyes and say, “she wouldn’t do anything!” Which I believe is true, she would protect her sister and business at all costs. Plus my boss is never really in the building, she’ll stop by for an hour maybe once a week or every couple of weeks. So a week ago M sent me and my coworker B a photo of one of the young toddlers with a red handprint on her face, telling us that K did it. It was extremely disturbing. It was actually a Live Photo and when you played the Live Photo you could hear the child screaming/crying. B and I told the parents the next day together. The parents broke down in tears and immediately took their child back (this was at drop off) and thanked us profusely for telling them. They got our phone numbers, took their child’s things, and left. Apparently they called the police immediately after leaving, then called our boss to tell her what happened and to tell her they would not be returning. Our boss then called the center and her sister K up and left, no words to us, no finding coverage, just dropped everything, got in her car, and drove off. I’m assuming because she knew police were coming. The police showed up and took a statement from B and I. We finished out our work day, and that night our boss texted us in a group chat: “Wow. I am speechless at what happened today. I’m not sure what gave you girls the right to think you could report somebody like that without knowing the whole story?? You’ve just opened a huge can of worms and you girls could get in trouble for this. Please do not return to work until this has all been sorted out.” Police ended up forcing our boss to fire K from the center, and opened an active investigation. They’ve been updating B and I, saying our boss has not been cooperating with them. They were NOT happy to hear she’d fired us for reporting. Now, I’m friends with my boss and her family on Facebook, and they’ve started posting horrible things about me and B, saying we have an “agenda to take down a family-run small business of 20 years” and that we’re lying and this “was a twisted plot to hurt innocent people.” Um, the only innocent person hurt here was that baby! They even posted our profile photos in our posts and everyone has been tagging us so it shows up on our timeline. Parents have been reaching out to me asking if it’s true, why this is happening, etc. My boss even posted it on to the childcare center’s FB page! Is there anything I can do to protect my reputation as a teacher? Also, did she have the grounds to fire us for this?
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Jan 15, 2019 09:38
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Since she didn't report child abuse to CPS as soon as she learned about it, I don't have a lot of sympathy for her.
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Jan 15, 2019 09:41
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therobit posted:Since she didn't report child abuse to CPS as soon as she learned about it, I don't have a lot of sympathy for her. Jesus christ what is wrong with you? As soon as something actually reportable happened (e.g. raising your voice to a toddler is ineffective but is also not abuse), she reported it promptly to the parents. "Oh she went to the parents first instead of CPS, gently caress her" makes me wonder if you don't have some sort of serious brain trauma
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Jan 15, 2019 09:51
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therobit posted:Jesus. Like, maybe get your sperm count checked before accusing your wife of cheating. Someone probably didn't go to the follow-up visits for their vasectomy. I had to go back for a count after one month, and then again after six months. Yeah, it's kinda awkward but that's how you know you're in the green. If he did do the follow-up visits and was cleared, I don't blame him for doubting, though.
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Jan 15, 2019 10:22
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Smirking_Serpent posted:in comparative mythology, many stories appear across cultures – the great flood, the dying-and-rising-god, a titanomachy, etc. But perhaps none is as enduring as the eternal legend of a man who demands a paternity test of his faithful wife... This dude hosed up pretty seriously, but the botched-vasectomy thing makes it a little more understandable than most of these stories, where the pregnancy is planned/wanted and the dude is happy about it until he sees some MGTOW article and decides "wife is female, pregnant" is plausible cause to assume she's cheating on him.
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Jan 15, 2019 11:11
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I assume all pregnancies are mine; I am that secure in my masculinity.
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Jan 15, 2019 13:00
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sixth and maimed posted:Someone probably didn't go to the follow-up visits for their vasectomy. I had to go back for a count after one month, and then again after six months. Yeah, it's kinda awkward but that's how you know you're in the green. If he did do the follow-up visits and was cleared, I don't blame him for doubting, though. You have to take control so it’s not awkward. You slam your little pot of jizz on the counter, wink at the girl and say ‘there’s plenty more where that came from baby’.
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Jan 15, 2019 13:28
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Smirking_Serpent posted:in comparative mythology, many stories appear across cultures – the great flood, the dying-and-rising-god, a titanomachy, etc. But perhaps none is as enduring as the eternal legend of a man who demands a paternity test of his faithful wife... i mean its pretty reasonable to ask for a paternity test when you have a medical procedure that's supposed to make you infertile
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Jan 15, 2019 13:33
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Biplane posted:what if you're a real man, a real go getter type of dude Then you grab her by the pussy.
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Jan 15, 2019 13:34
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Cat Army
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MightyJoe36 posted:Then you grab her by the pussy. 
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Jan 15, 2019 13:47
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Papa Emeritus III posted:Throwing a tantrum was a major turn off and told me where my bf's opinion was on the value of my role in the relationship. It's hard to put it into words on how it feels when you're basically instructed to surrender your body at someone else's whim, yet you're supposed to have mutual love. Needless to say, I ended that relationship. It was more than just being sexually incompatible. Hard to explain. Yeah, I've been sort of put out sometimes when I was in the mood and my SO wasn't, but I could never see myself demanding sex, or for that matter, a particular sex act. quote:
Indeed.
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Jan 15, 2019 13:56
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Smirking_Serpent posted:I reported child abuse, now I’m getting blasted on Facebook woof Lady you are a MANDATED REPORTER. If you do not report that to CPS and they find out you knew, you are held personally liable and could face jail time. So when your boss says "I’m not sure what gave you girls the right to think you could report somebody", that right is a good old fashioned legally mandated C Y A. In fact, she didn't report it to CPS. So it's still a problem. But at least you took a step in the right direction by telling the parents. She's probably free from liability because of that. Okay, I know everyone on this dead gay forum is tired of hearing about my wife but I need to throw this out there because she's the Director of one and can quote the rule books inside and out. I never realized the day care industry had so many regulations before I met her and I learned about all of the bullshit she has to put up with. She has a close relationship with the state licenser, and that person is always bitching about the small family run at home day cares like in the OP. They never do the required trainings, they never follow the rules, and the owners think they have carte blanche to do whatever they want. I know there was no proper training, because the OP would've been on the phone with CPS within minutes if she knew how important it was. Mandated Reporting is one of the most important trainings they do. I bet the OP's job don't even have a license to operate, because the employees should know. poo poo, one time my wife got a job running a center because the idiot owner almost poisoned a kid and had an open CPS case against her, so she wasn't even allowed to be in her own place of business. The owner was reported to CPS by one of her own employees and even that psycho was smart enough not to fire her because you can't do that holy poo poo. (The employee smartly found a new job very quickly anyway) Since the OP effectively got fired, that's a really easy lawsuit to win, but this is America, so it's probably not worth it to pursue anyway. The good part is, she now has the experience to get a job at pretty much any childcare facility you want, and if you tell the director that you got fired for calling CPS on abuse you'll probably get a job on the spot, because people who aren't willing to follow through with their mandated reporting are a liability. The industry's weird like that. gently caress I'm so angry
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Jan 15, 2019 14:25
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monkeytennis posted:You have to take control so it’s not awkward. You slam your little pot of jizz on the counter, wink at the girl and say ‘there’s plenty more where that came from baby’.
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Jan 15, 2019 14:27
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Business Gorillas posted:i mean its pretty reasonable to ask for a paternity test when you have a medical procedure that's supposed to make you infertile Well yeah, but nothing is ever 100% so maybe you should first try the option that doesn't amount to accusing your partner of cheating, you know?
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Jan 15, 2019 14:28
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Renegret posted:Since the OP effectively got fired, that's a really easy lawsuit to win, but this is America, so it's probably not worth it to pursue anyway. The good part is, she now has the experience to get a job at pretty much any childcare facility you want, and if you tell the director that you got fired for calling CPS on abuse you'll probably get a job on the spot, because people who aren't willing to follow through with their mandated reporting are a liability. The industry's weird like that. That seems weird by American business standards but makes a helluva lotta sense because ongoing child abuse at a child care facility going unreported sounds like it could easily lead to disaster once it does come to light to the point of getting shut down.
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Jan 15, 2019 14:29
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QuarkJets posted:Jesus christ what is wrong with you? As soon as something actually reportable happened (e.g. raising your voice to a toddler is ineffective but is also not abuse), she reported it promptly to the parents. "Oh she went to the parents first instead of CPS, gently caress her" makes me wonder if you don't have some sort of serious brain trauma Man you're going to be embarrassed when you learn what a mandated reporter is.
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Jan 15, 2019 14:31
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MightyJoe36 posted:Yeah, I've been sort of put out sometimes when I was in the mood and my SO wasn't, but I could never see myself demanding sex, or for that matter, a particular sex act. MightyJoe36 posted:But yeah, you gotta be a match in the sheets for things to work. Indeed. What is the definition of "demanding" here? Would "state that you require" be a synonym? I don't think either of your statements are wrong or anything, but it takes some effort to integrate them with each other. The dude was acting very entitled and childish, but just how should one try to negotiate these kinds of situations under patriarchy? Are you saying that you think it is acceptable to have sexual preferences, and act on them (say, by breaking up with someone who you are incompatible with), but if you want to be safe, you should keep silent about these preferences and whether or not you're acting on them, lest you pressure your partner sexually? People change, and preferences change, so spelling everything out beforehand might not be enough. thotsky fucked around with this message at 14:41 on Jan 15, 2019 |
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Jan 15, 2019 14:38
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for being offended at my wife of now 27 years Also on this one, blowing up like that is a dick thing but I have a feeling that his wife does this all the time to him and there's 27 years of pent up anger from being treated like an idiot so I can't say I would've done something different myself in the heat of the moment. Except maybe skipping dinner. Pot roast is loving delicious and there's no way I'm going to going through the effort of cooking one and not stuffing as much as possible into my mouth. He's making a pot roast so he probably does his fair share of cooking, and to blow up like that, I doubt this is the first time she's done that to him. It's pretty insulting to be on the receiving end of that when it's repeated criticisms. Like, after 10 years of your S/O telling you that there's a red light in front of you so you have to stop the car, I think most people are going to have a meltdown at some point. And I really want to say that instead of yelling, you can have a civil discussion about it instead. But I admit I'm guilty of yelling because "clearly you didn't hear me the first 3 times when I asked nicely so maybe you'll hear when I'm yelling"
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Jan 15, 2019 14:41
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I'd also want to know if these outbursts are a common thing for him. If he's flipping out like that all the time then that's a guaranteed problem, and likewise, if he's never raised his voice before this could be a red flag, but I think most people have these moments where you're tired, stressed out or upset about something else and then you embarrassingly lose your poo poo once or twice a year. He should apologize no matter what, and if there is a problem with the wife not trusting him or appreciating his effort then that can be addressed after. Also, if she's a proper Celiac she's got good reason to act paranoid about how her food is prepared. People forget, or mess up, even professionals and close family, and when they do she's the one who suffers the consequences.
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Jan 15, 2019 14:51
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Renegret posted:Also on this one, blowing up like that is a dick thing but I have a feeling that his wife does this all the time to him and there's 27 years of pent up anger from being treated like an idiot so I can't say I would've done something different myself in the heat of the moment. Except maybe skipping dinner. Pot roast is loving delicious and there's no way I'm going to going through the effort of cooking one and not stuffing as much as possible into my mouth. 27 years of living with picky eaters, she's lucky he didn't drown her in the crock pot Business Gorillas posted:i mean its pretty reasonable to ask for a paternity test when you have a medical procedure that's supposed to make you infertile Only if you've gone back for the swimmers test!
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Jan 15, 2019 14:57
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Smirking_Serpent posted:Boss just emailed me an unsolicited dick pic. Found out he is on sex offender list, advice? BOSS: "Do you know why I called you in here?" ME: "Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic?" BOSS: "[Stops pouring 2 glasses of wine] "Accidentally?"
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Jan 15, 2019 14:59
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Ghost Leviathan posted:That seems weird by American business standards but makes a helluva lotta sense because ongoing child abuse at a child care facility going unreported sounds like it could easily lead to disaster once it does come to light to the point of getting shut down. Yup. Unreported abuse will get a center shut down in a heartbeat. When you have 100 kids running around, a director can't reasonably keep a tab on everything that's going on at all times so they rely on their teachers to be their eyes and ears. As the boss, if something happened, you are automatically responsible for it, even if you didn't know about it. So you need a solid staff that will follow the rules and prevent liability. It's a small industry too. If you gently caress up big, your career will be over in an instant. If CPS doesn't bar you from working in the industry ever again, then word of mouth will. Accidents happen. CPS doesn't care if a kid tripped and split her head open on the floor in your center and you called 911. CPS cares if that kid tripped because they weren't being supervised properly and the classroom was out of ratio, then it was never reported and the kid never received medical attention.
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Jan 15, 2019 14:59
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Business Gorillas posted:i mean its pretty reasonable to ask for a paternity test when you have a medical procedure that's supposed to make you infertile You don't say anything. You just do it. And visectamies (And getting a woman's tubes tied) fail all the time. I personally work with a guy who had to get a second visectomy after the first one failed and he got his wife pregnant.
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Jan 15, 2019 15:02
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spacetoaster posted:You don't say anything. You just do it. Ah, but did it though?
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Jan 15, 2019 15:10
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tactlessbastard posted:Ah, but did it though? He probably got checked before accusing his wife of sleeping around and instead found out it had in fact failed.
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Jan 15, 2019 15:12
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tactlessbastard posted:Ah, but did it though? Yeah, first thing he did was get himself checked (something a dude can do pretty quick and easy without accusing his wife of anything.). Then he tried to beat the poo poo out of the doctor who messed up the first visectomy.
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Jan 15, 2019 15:17
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spacetoaster posted:Yeah, first thing he did was get himself checked (something a dude can do pretty quick and easy without accusing his wife of anything.). Yeah, I was just kidding. E: it's vasectomy, btw. You're ectoming the vas deferens
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Jan 15, 2019 15:18
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tactlessbastard posted:Only if you've gone back for the swimmers test! Even if he hadn’t gotten one after the procedure he could have taken one now and at least knew if it was possible the kid was his. Seems like a pretty reasonable first step instead of launching directly into a marriage destroying accusation of infidelity.
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Jan 15, 2019 15:26
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Xik posted:Lol at that second edit, why did he jump the gun? What a loving moron. I think that update was saying he was writing to quit and to get his check when it was cut at the end of the month.
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Jan 15, 2019 15:35
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QuarkJets posted:Jesus christ what is wrong with you? As soon as something actually reportable happened (e.g. raising your voice to a toddler is ineffective but is also not abuse), she reported it promptly to the parents. "Oh she went to the parents first instead of CPS, gently caress her" makes me wonder if you don't have some sort of serious brain trauma She waited until she saw the parents (probably at pickup) and told them, and never reported at all. Also in the reddit thread we find out that it is over a week later and she still hasn't reported. I would imagine that had the parents not reported the situation to the police, the person who left a handprint on a toddler's face would still be caring for children. therobit fucked around with this message at 16:25 on Jan 15, 2019 |
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Jan 15, 2019 16:08
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therobit posted:She waited until she saw the parents (probably at pickup) and told them, and never reported at all. Also in the reddit thread we find out that it is over a week later and she still hasn't reported. I would imagine that had the parents not reported ther situation to they live, the person who left a handprint on a toddler's face would still be caring for children. She's a mandated reporter but didn't know, most likely due to her lovely employer's complete lack of training, which isn't really her fault. I'm wondering if she can avoid liability on the basis that she took initiative and goodwill towards the parents. Even though she took the wrong steps she still set things in motion that lead to the correct outcome. They're supposed to have a binder with all of the employee's completed trainings in there, and something tells me that the binder doesn't actually exist. Renegret fucked around with this message at 16:24 on Jan 15, 2019 |
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Jan 15, 2019 16:18
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quote:About one and a half years ago my nephew (24) came out as transgender. His mom would not accept this, and he asked if he could come stay with us for a short time while looking for a job and an apartment. We readily agreed and have always used his proper name and pronouns. Upon his arrival, I was shocked by the person he had become. Although I expected some changes, the other trans people in my life had always changed for the better. My nephew, however, had become an entitled nightmare. He refused to look for work, he balked at helping with basic chores, and he expected to be taken care of financially. We were paying all of his living expenses, including clothing, fuel, and toiletries. He would not eat the food that we prepared and would have a complete meltdown if my husband and I didn’t prepare a separate meal for him. I lost my poo poo at "After a couple of months". I couldn't deal with that kind of treatment for 1 day.
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Jan 15, 2019 16:21
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kimbo305 posted:I think that update was saying he was writing to quit and to get his check when it was cut at the end of the month. "I will take additional steps if I'm not compensated properly" sure sounds like a request for hush money, even if his intended message was that he'd let it lie if he just got the last proper paycheck.
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Jan 15, 2019 16:31
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therobit posted:She waited until she saw the parents (probably at pickup) and told them, and never reported at all. Also in the reddit thread we find out that it is over a week later and she still hasn't reported. I would imagine that had the parents not reported the situation to the police, the person who left a handprint on a toddler's face would still be caring for children. Yeah, she was obviously trying to help but she absolutely hosed up by not immediately calling CPS and instead telling the parents a day later. Having CPS involved from the start definitely would have been to her benefit and probably cut down on the amount of bullshit that’s she dealing with now. I’m not sure how you work at a child care center for two years and not understand what mandatory reporting is. I mean, obviously that place sucked and probably didn’t train their employees at all though.
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Jan 15, 2019 16:36
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Dr. S.O. Feelgood posted:I’m not sure how you work at a child care center for two years and not understand what mandatory reporting is. People who get paid minimum wage put in the minimum amount of effort. The entire industry is so loving stupid, it's baffling sometimes.
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Jan 15, 2019 16:39
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