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Biplane
Jul 18, 2005

CheesyDog posted:

r/legaladvice
My ex lied about vaccinating our immune compromised daughter. Update.
u/ThrowYouAway2213




This is good.

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LadyPictureShow
Nov 18, 2005

Success!



Beachcomber posted:

Is it really Jerry? I've never known a worthwhile Jerry who wasn't a cartoon mouse or Jerry Lewis.

Jerry's a 60-something man with the food preferences of a 10 year old. Of course I'm not going to bother to change his name.

DemoneeHo
Nov 9, 2017

Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca



chemtrail huffer posted:

I gave my friend POA and now I want it back but he’s making it difficult (self.legaladvice)


I gotta kinkshame this guy.

Oh wait, he isn't into findom and humiliation, he's just stupid.

hevnz 2 murgatroyd
Apr 13, 2018

by Smythe
*Law school dean of admissions peers over his glasses with disdain*

You seek to be an attorney...yet you have never wielded an attorney's powers?

Rubellavator
Aug 16, 2007

I hate when someone updates and I cant remember the details of the original

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011


I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

hevnz 2 murgatroyd posted:

Yeah and he's getting made fun of because he didn't use coconut oil like any sane person would.

loving a coconut with coconut-oil lube is treyf, like cooking a calf in its mother's milk.

Peaceful Anarchy
Sep 18, 2005
sXe
I am the math man.

Rubellavator posted:

I hate when someone updates and I cant remember the details of the original
Mom + Dad divorced, shared custody. Mom is antivax, dad isn't. They went to court, court ordered child vaccinated. Mom said "I'll do it," then forged a doctor's note (or got a real note from a fake doctor?) saying it was done and convinced daughter to lie about it. Now daughter is in the hospital and confided to dad that she'd never been vaccinated.

Edit: here
[CO] My ex lied about vaccinating our immune compromised 8 year old daughter. She now has chicken pox and is in the hospital. I want my ex as far way from my daughter as possible.

quote:


Me and my ex split up before our daughters birth. There were a variety of reasons for this that I wont get into here. One of them though was her anti-science beliefs. She's an anti-vaxxer and and doesn't trust science or medicine at all. Well, this sucks because our daughter was born premature and immunocompromised.


We have have 50/50 custody of her but due to her condition and my wife's anti science beliefs we argue constantly on how to handle her. Well, recently our daughter has made incredible progress and last year was given the go ahead to get vaccinated for certain virus's including chicken pox and the flu. My ex went crazy about this and started making my life a living hell. And threatened up and down to take me to court.


Around this time I also got a new job that payed a considerable amount more than my old. When this happened I decided I wanted to move my girl into a private school that has a program for immune compromised children and offered to pay 100% of tuition. The only problem (for her at least) is that this school requires students to be fully vaccinated, up to their medically allowed limit in my daughters case. My ex fought me up and down on this and we ended up in court. The judge agreed with me and ordered my daughter to be vaccinated.


Ex had a full breakdown but in the end agreed only on the condition she get to take her to "lessen the emotional damage and make sure the doctor doesn't poison her." I demanded the medical forms confirming this and she agreed. So, my daughter finally got vaccinated and last fall started at her awesome new school. Well, last week my daughter got incredibly sick and had to be rushed to the hospital from school. She somehow had contracted varicella (chicken pox) despite being vaccinated for it. I have been stressed out from the minute I got the call and confused as all hell how she got it. My daughter must have picked up on this and thought I was mad at her because when I was visiting her in the hospital she decided to tell me the "secret mommy promised to make her keep".


Turns out my ex didn't vaccinate her. She made my daughter lie about it. Instead she has been using "Special oils and salts to keep her from getting sick." What about the forms I got saying she was vaccinate? There fake. I called the doctor and it turns out she never went in and he never signed any forms confirming she was vaccinated. So my ex lied and faked forms to convince me she was vaccinated.


I'm pissed to say the least. My daughter is in the hospital because my ex decided to let her beliefs come before our child health. My ex doesn't know I know yet and I told my daughter not to tell her, I want her gone now. How do I approach this to make sue my ex suffers for this. I have the forms she handed me and texts from the day she took her. I also have the doctor on record saying he never signed off on these and that the ones I have a forged. I'm planning on speaking to a lawyer but I would like to know going in what to do. Thank you.

duck trucker
Oct 14, 2017

YOSPOS

Rubellavator posted:

I hate when someone updates and I cant remember the details of the original

Mother didn't want to vaccinate. Father did. Father got court order to get the child vaccinated. Mother went "loving FINE I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT". Mother produced documents saying that the child is now vaccinated. To the surprise of no one mother forged those and the child was never vaccinated.

Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011
Probation
Can't post for 6 days!

Xik posted:

She must spend a small fortune on socks

Nah women don't poop.

School Nickname
Apr 23, 2010

*fffffff-fffaaaaaaarrrtt*
:ussr:
I'll never get antivaxxers or even the groups pushing it on Facebook. It can't just be a massive health store conglomerate pushing antivaxxing bollocks to sell snake oil, could it? I could understand that, it just seems so widespread that it can't be just one actor spreading it all, at least to me.

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

conspiracy theories are, as you're demonstrating, really attractive to people who want to feel more control over their lives. It's comforting to think poo poo isn't just unpredictable chaos where no matter what you do any pregnancy might end in you having to spend the rest of your life as the 24/7 caretaker for a totally nonfunctional violent ape-person, everything that happens is according to the master plans of shadowy all-powerful figures and if you know their secrets you can fight them.

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 18:49 on Mar 1, 2019

kalel
Jun 19, 2012

what complicates things is the fact that there are, in fact, a cabal of oligarchs conspiring to control everything, except they do it pretty much out in the open, at least in the us, because no one cares

LadyPictureShow
Nov 18, 2005

Success!



School Nickname posted:

I'll never get antivaxxers or even the groups pushing it on Facebook. It can't just be a massive health store conglomerate pushing antivaxxing bollocks to sell snake oil, could it? I could understand that, it just seems so widespread that it can't be just one actor spreading it all, at least to me.

I met one in the wild when going to get a blood draw, about ten years ago. He was claiming that his son was a-okay at birth, but after the vaccines, the first blood draw he had pulled out 'nothing but Mercury from those loving vaccines'.

I think it's a weird mix of 'better diagnosis of a developmental issue' and 'find something, anything else to blame!'

I've mentioned before, but my dad was, like, probably the last American to get Polio (the vaccine was out there, but only school-aged children were getting vaccinated at that time because of the demand). I've told him he should go on the speaking circuit for 'vaccinate your loving kids'

LadyPictureShow fucked around with this message at 19:12 on Mar 1, 2019

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

they tend to get a lot less airtime cause while Big Pharma and (((globalist bankers))) follow convenient Saturday morning cartoon villain plot beats there is very little you, as an individual, can do to stop Mark Zuckerberg.

La Brea Carpet
Nov 22, 2007

I have no mouth and I must post
I think my husband’s friend (37F) is using her new baby to get to my husband.

quote:

I’ve been with my husband Matt (35M) for six years. My husband has a huge social circle, and I’ve become very close with a lot of them. One in particular though, we’ll call her Mary, has always thought of herself and my husband as “best friends”, even though Matt would not describe her as such. They never dated, but Mary would use my husband as a sort of ‘emotional boyfriend’ before her husband came along, and they drifted a bit more once Matt and I started dating. Mary and I have always been really friendly to each other, but she’s very odd about communication. She will ONLY message Matt. If I message her about something, or Matt messages her within a group chat that I’m included in, she will always respond only to Matt.

Fast forward to now, Mary and her husband just had a baby 10 months ago, and they’ve named a friend of Mary’s as Godmother, and my husband as the Godfather.

My husband and I aren’t religious; neither is Mary or her husband, so we were a little surprised by this but thought it was nice. We bought them nice gifts when the baby was born, and have visited a few times. About the amount of involvement new parents want from their friends in the first year, I would think – there, but not ALWAYS there.

Apparently this is not good enough for Mary. She is very upset with Matt for not taking a more “active role” in his Godson’s life. He apparently never asks how the baby is (what is a 10 month old going to be other than “fine”?). Mary was mad that Matt didn’t come to the baby’s first doctor’s appointment – even though she didn’t invite the baby’s Godmother. Last month they redid the baby’s nursery, and she wanted Matt to come along to pick out the furniture. Matt and I are visiting my parents the weekend she requested, so he declined, but when Mary tried to reschedule Matt told her it was a little odd and he just plum didn’t want to go.

The most recent thing, is they’re approaching the first birthday. Mary texts Matt constantly about party themes, cake ideas, food ideas, decorations…he usually says something like “wife and I love this!” And even if I send her a message asking her how she or the baby is doing or saying I love the new nursery or the cake she sent Matt etc etc, she will leave my message read and then respond only to Matt. Mary has asked Matt to come early to help set up – she specified “Just you Matt”. Not the Godmother, or me. Matt said he would, because after the nursery thing he felt things were a little strained between him and Mary. But I feel very odd about it. I’m tired of this “Mary and Matt Only” club that she’s tried to cultivate for years, and I just need to know if I’m justified in my annoyance here, and what can I do about it?

TLDR: My husband’s friend is using her new baby to get closer to my husband, what can I do about it?

sephiRoth IRA
Jun 13, 2007

"Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

School Nickname posted:

I'll never get antivaxxers or even the groups pushing it on Facebook. It can't just be a massive health store conglomerate pushing antivaxxing bollocks to sell snake oil, could it? I could understand that, it just seems so widespread that it can't be just one actor spreading it all, at least to me.

In actuality there are several extremely wealthy people who strongly believe vaccines are poison and fund anti vaccine grassroots movements and back anti vaccine legislation

Yawgmoth
Sep 10, 2003

This post is cursed!

La Brea Carpet posted:

I think my husband’s friend (37F) is using her new baby to get to my husband.
Tell your husband to spine up and tell her what she's doing is at the very least creepy and weird. why are people so goddamned afraid of communication?

Biplane
Jul 18, 2005

La Brea Carpet posted:

I think my husband’s friend (37F) is using her new baby to get to my husband.

They fuckin

tactlessbastard
Feb 4, 2001

Godspeed, post
Fun Shoe

areyoucontagious posted:

In actuality there are several extremely wealthy people who strongly believe vaccines are poison and fund anti vaccine grassroots movements and back anti vaccine legislation

They're just getting in a preemptive strike for population control so they don't wind up hanging from a gibbet for having fountains when drinking water gets scarce.



La Brea Carpet posted:

I think my husband’s friend (37F) is using her new baby to get to my husband.

It's your husband's baby, moron.

therobit
Aug 19, 2008

I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

tactlessbastard posted:

It's your husband's baby, moron.

Clearly A Dog
Jun 14, 2017

woof o_o

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for bullying an old lady who stole my avocados?

Last year we bought a house with an avocado tree in the front yard. The tree was dried up, almost dead, and only gave hard, black, tiny avocados. After a year of watering and trimming and love and care it started producing good avocados. Like, alot. Maybe 300-400. I picked them all the time, gave them to neighbors, the mailman, basically anyone who asks gets a handful. I am not stingy with my avocados.

Well, I work early mornings and have to leave my house by 5 am. Couple of days ago I'm walking to my car and in my front yard is an old lady picking avocados from my tree! She has a pile of like 50 of them already picked and she had even brought one of those nice retractable poles with the fruit catcher at the end of it. (It was a really nice one) I was soooooo pissed I just walked right up to her and snatched it from her hand. She had a total 'deer in the headlights' look, but once I grabbed the pole from her she starts yelling at me 'hey! That's mine!! That's mine!' So I tossed it over our fence where our German Shepard was barking. (Good luck getting that back)

Then i got right in her face and screamed "Well those are my avocados now GET THE gently caress OFF MY YARD!!". I really scared her, I could see it in her face. I'm not hugely intimidating or anything 5'6"/F 135lbs but I was livid and I seriously wanted to fight her but she was a thousand years old and looked like Mama Coco from the movie Coco.

So I got in my car and sped away .leaving her to pick up the pile of avocados she had already picked.

Well afterwards I was telling my coworkers what happened and they all said I was a jerk for screaming at her and stealing her stick since she was just an old lady probably trying to make some money because she's poor.

And i'm thinking...am I the rear end in a top hat?

If it makes any difference, I also told my neighbors what happened and they said they see her walk around our neighborhood all the time with that stick stealing lemons and other fruit from ppl.

It's my stick now.

I took awhile but this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDKuWphUaWI


ENJOY

Chicken Doodle
May 16, 2007

Ive known a few Matt’s and every single one of them have been cheaters.

Therefore

tactlessbastard posted:

It's your husband's baby, moron.

DeadMansSuspenders
Jan 10, 2012

I wanna be your left hand man

Why is it always the mom that's anti-vaccination in these stories?

facialimpediment
Feb 11, 2005

as the world turns
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/01/science/twins-dna-crime-paternity.html

It's about crimes and stuff, but there's a really good one in here from back in 2004 that is non-crime related.

quote:

She became pregnant after sleeping with two men, and later filed a paternity suit. The problem: The men were identical twins, and conventional DNA testing could not tell which was the father.

DNA testing became a standard legal tool for identifying criminal suspects and resolving paternity disputes. But for all its power, the test could not tell identical twins apart. And that led to some Kafkaesque impasses.

In 2004, for example, Holly Marie Adams won a paternity suit in Missouri against Raymon Miller for child support. A standard DNA test indicated he was the alleged father. Mr. Miller appealed the case because Ms. Adams had also had sex with his twin brother, Richard. A DNA test on Richard also yielded a match.

“The results of blood tests performed on the two brothers demonstrated that both had a 99.999 percent probability of being the father,” Judge Phillip Garrison wrote. The court was forced to rely on other evidence — the timing of the woman’s pregnancy, for example — to decide that Raymon Miller was in fact the father.

facialimpediment fucked around with this message at 19:52 on Mar 1, 2019

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest


moms are way more likely to be pulled into parenting-specific social media, where a lot of this poo poo gets spread

tactlessbastard
Feb 4, 2001

Godspeed, post
Fun Shoe

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

Why is it always the mom that's anti-vaccination in these stories?

Oooh, that's a slow pitch over the plate for misogynyball

Cock Sucker
Nov 14, 2018
Women have more experience with turning into retards after being injected with something liquid.

DeadMansSuspenders
Jan 10, 2012

I wanna be your left hand man

tactlessbastard posted:

Oooh, that's a slow pitch over the plate for misogynyball
Sorry, I could've worded this better. I'm not trying to make a statement about :females:. I just meant that the ones we're seeing here seem to mostly be like "My wife made my child lie to me about being vaccinated", "my mom is very anti-vaccination, how can I get secretly vaccinated", etc

BadSamaritan posted:

moms are way more likely to be pulled into parenting-specific social media, where a lot of this poo poo gets spread
This makes sense, I feel like a lot of that media is targeted toward women to begin with.

Peaceful Anarchy
Sep 18, 2005
sXe
I am the math man.

Recently I saw some stats, in either this thread or a D&D thread, that men are (slightly) more likely to be anti-vax. So it's probably more because women are more expected to take part in upbringing decisions, so anti-vax men are more likely to pass the buck if mom wants to vaccinate while the anti-vax women will be more likely to consider it their duty to prevent vaccination.

kalel
Jun 19, 2012

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

Why is it always the mom that's anti-vaccination in these stories?

stay at home parents are prone to feeling like they have a lack of control and authority. stay at home parents are predominantly female. furthermore,

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

conspiracy theories are, as you're demonstrating, really attractive to people who want to feel more control over their lives. It's comforting to think poo poo isn't just unpredictable chaos where no matter what you do any pregnancy might end in you having to spend the rest of your life as the 24/7 caretaker for a totally nonfunctional violent ape-person, everything that happens is according to the master plans of shadowy all-powerful figures and if you know their secrets you can fight them.

Bored
Jul 26, 2007

Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Power Khan posted:

Brace yourselves:

TIFU by cumming into a coconut
EDIT: I got an AMA thread now. Help me:

/r/tifu/comments/6rwl9z/tifu_by_being_the_guy_who_cummed_into_a_coconut/?utm_content=title&utm_medium=new&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=tifu

This TIFU didn't happen today but quite a few years back. For obvious reasons I'm using a throwaway account as my family knows my main reddit username.

Anyway, around 8 years back I lived in Northern Mozambique, a coastal southern African country with quite a warm climate. My mother at the time was going through a 'health nut' phase and only buying foods she deemed healthy enough. One of these was coconuts. She would buy several coconuts a week to use in food from the local market.

Anyway, being a horny teenager I fapped in regular intervals. Unfortunately there was some severely stressful examinations coming up for me and as such my fapping reached a higher peak then usual and I was feeling pretty sexually frustrated. One day I hear that my mother is going to be out for pretty much the entire afternoon. Horny me decides that it would be a fantastic idea to gently caress a coconut. Honestly to this day I can't fathom why I thought that would be a good idea but my train of thought back then was clearly somewhat clogged.

I end up grabbing the coconut drill and through 20ish minutes of concerted effort end up creating a hole large enough for me to stick my porker into. I decide it requires some lube and grab the nearest slippery thing (some butter) before shoving it into the coconut followed shortly by my meat. I gently caress the coconut and it actually feels pretty drat good so I blow my load, shove the coconut under my bed and continue about my day.

For the next week the coconut is my saviour. Whenever I want to get off I simply take it out and gently caress it in its delightfully tight hole made better each time by accumulating volumes of my semen and butter acting as a lubricant. It's heaven. Now before I continue I'd best mention that at the time our area was experiencing quite humid, muggy weather which exacerbated an already existing fly problem. Disgustingly fat, bloated flies were commonly found around our house and the exterminators couldn't really do anything because it was a localized area problem that would "go away in the winter".

About a week and a bit after the initial coconut gently caress (I had been using it pretty much every day since then) I begin to notice a few more flies than usual as well as an odd, unpleasant smell about my room. Must be the coconut right? So I decide that I'll gently caress it once more before I throw it out and get a new one.

Worst mistake I have ever made.

You see, the reason for the increased number of flies was that the coconut was evidently, in hindsight, a nearly perfect place to lay eggs. As I penetrate the coconut one last time I begin to feel a strange wriggling sensation. Puzzled, I pull my cock out to discover that it is COVERED in rotted and moldy butter and semen and TEEMING WITH TINY loving MAGGOTS. They were wriggling all over my dick head and some were even trying to force their way up into my urethra.

I screamed, and threw the coconut against the wall which made the situation worse by spilling the contents. Hours of vigorous cock scrubbing, vomiting, and cleaning the remnants were spent reflecting on what the gently caress I was doing with my life.

Never again. NEVER AGAIN.

TL;DR Don't gently caress coconuts.

EDIT: Jesus this exploded. I'm glad my maggoty experience made some people laugh, because I sure cry everytime I think back to it.

EDIT 2: RIP inbox

EDIT 3: Thanks for the gold. It eases my shame a little. I'm thinking of doing an AMA for you more curious individuals. Maybe if the post hits 10K - it's quite uncomfortable to discuss though as the visceral memories come back

EDIT 4: My shame has never been this large. 47.1K upvotes. My story of coconut loving is now permanently etched into reddit's history. Lord save me.

Yes. This is the good stuff. "I was super gross when a horny teenager and did something weird that hurt no one. I did not develop a fetish."

I honestly expected it would turn into some weird, gross fantasy where his mom found the coconut while straightening his room and use it to cook. Or the OP would go into way to much detail talking about the mechanics of loving the coconut.

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

Bored posted:

Yes. This is the good stuff. "I was super gross when a horny teenager and did something weird that hurt no one. I did not develop a fetish."

you sure this isn;t the beecock guy's origin story

Mr. Creakle
Apr 27, 2007

Protecting your virginity



The funny part is coconut oil is an excellent natural lube so if he just scooped out its guts, used the coconut guts or juice or whatever to jack off with, and of course most importantly washed everything and threw the coconut away, none of that nightmare fuel would have happened.

Biplane
Jul 18, 2005

extra row of teeth posted:

The funny part is coconut oil is an excellent natural lube so if he just scooped out its guts, used the coconut guts or juice or whatever to jack off with, and of course most importantly washed everything and threw the coconut away, none of that nightmare fuel would have happened.

counter point: sometimes you just gotta gently caress a coconut

Mr. Creakle
Apr 27, 2007

Protecting your virginity



Biplane posted:

counter point: sometimes you just gotta gently caress a coconut

Mother bought a coconut, she bought it for a dime
Her son he stole the coconut he filled it with cockslime

You put your dong in the coconut and gently caress it all up

Ebola Roulette
Sep 13, 2010

No matter what you win lose ragepiss.

Power Khan posted:

I (28) think my girlfriend (26) has been using my gym socks to wipe after going to the bathroom.
Throwaway, because reasons.

TL;DR: Found my gym socks in the garbage covered in poop. Asked girlfriend about it. She started yelling at me and crying and left.

I don't even know where to start with this. I'm dumbfounded. She just stormed out the house and I'm sitting on the bed asking myself A LOT of questions.

I live a pretty normal life, and I thought so did my girlfriend. We've been together for a few months and after things got serious, we moved in together. We started sharing a lot of the household responsibilities, but the one thing she was adamant on doing was the laundry. She would come home and find me in the bedroom getting the laundry together and would quickly ask me to go do something else. I'd come back to finish the laundry and she would have already started it. I always thought it was sweet and never her job to do it alone, but hey, if it makes her happy to do it all the time, I wouldn't stop her.

This is where it takes a turn for the weird. I keep all my socks and underwear in the bottom drawer of my dresser. I also go to the gym frequently, so I always keep a good supply of clean gym socks ready to go. I never kept count, but I know by just a visual glance I several pairs. This morning when I went to grab a fresh pair to pack for the gym, I noticed there were several dress socks, but no gym socks. Again, not weird, they must have been in the laundry. I went to check the laundry basket and it was empty, so I checked the washing machine and dryer. Both were empty. I couldn't figure out where all of my gym socks had gone. So, I did the very natural thing of asking my girlfriend what had happened to them. After all, she is the one who does the laundry all the time. She went silent, turned red and ran out of the room. When I went after her to see if she was okay she wouldn't talk to me. I told her I wasn't mad, I was just looking for my socks. She kinda mumbled "I'll don't know." I still wasn't mad, of course, but I was super confused. Socks just don't disappear. So I asked her again, even laughed about it and she just looked at me and got mad and said "I'll buy you new ones!"

The first thought that went through my head was she had somehow managed to destroy my socks while washing them. I thought the sight of that was actually pretty funny, so I joked with her about ruining my socks. Wrong. Thing. To. Say. She started immediately crying. Like, full on sobbing. At this point I don't care about the socks anymore, I want to know what's wrong with my girlfriend. I sat down next to her on the bed and put my arm around her and asked her of she was okay. She just kept saying she was sorry and that she would buy me new socks. I tried assuring her again it was okay. Even went so far as to say I would buy new socks and she didn't have to. I sat with her for a few minutes trying to calm her down and eventually had to get ready for work. I told her loved her and got my things together to leave for the day.

On my way out I grabbed the garbage to take outside. When I got outside I lifted the lid off the garbage can and I noticed a small plastic bag sitting on top of the garbage already in there. I could see through the bag (kind of the semi see through ones) there were socks in the bag. Since I was sure she had somehow managed to ruin the socks washing them, I wanted to see for myself. I opened the bag and immediately regretted my choice. There, inside the bag, were several pairs of my gym socks covered in what looked like poop. As soon as the smell hit me I knew it WAS POOP.

We don't own any pets.

We don't have any kids.

WHOSE POOP WAS ON MY SOCKS?

Work could wait. I couldn't go the rest of the day wondering why my gym socks were covered in poop and inside a plastic bag in the garbage can. I grabbed the bag and walked back inside. As soon as my girlfriend saw the bag she flipped out and started yelling at me. She said I shouldn't be going through the garbage and that I was disgusting for bringing it back into the house. I asked her to calm down and that I just wanted an answer as to why there was poop on my socks. I wasn't blaming her of anything, but she started accusing me of blaming her. That's when it clicked. I don't know what it was that lead me to ask this, but everything leading up to this moment had just been so crazy. I asked her "Is this your poop?" She started sobbing again and ran out of the house. I didn't go after her this time.

So, now I am sitting on my bed with a bag a poopy socks on the floor and a lot of questions in my head. The only conclusion is that she used them after going to the bathroom. Which that alone has its own set of questions above everything else. I sent her text asking her to come back. She hasn't responded yet. I don't even know what I'm going to say when (IF) she gets back.

UPDATE:

I had to leave for work and am now at work. Yes, I threw away the bag of poopy socks. She texted me back and she's clearly embarrassed, but felt she owed me an explanation. She said she didn't want to talk about it in person and that we could discuss it over texting and to NOT bring it up in person. I'm condensing the conversation and filling in some gaps as best as I can. Her responses are super short, but I'm getting the idea.

I flat out asked her if it was a fetish. It is not a fetish. She confessed to using the socks after going to the bathroom. I found the reason she always does the laundry is because she was hiding the fact that she uses socks to wipe with, primarily her own. I had no reason to question the amount of socks she ever has because who pays attention to that kind of thing? She thought I would notice and think it was weird since she doesn't own many socks. She admitted she has done this for a long time. Her reasoning, as best as I can understand, is that because she is a germaphobe (her word) and she is afraid toilet paper will tear and is afraid of getting her hands messy in ANY WAY. She uses socks because it covers her entire hand. After she's done with them, she throws them away. She used mine because she didn't have other socks.

So, my girlfriend has a fear of getting poop on her hands so she wipes with socks, and has done so for a lone time. It could be worse, I guess. I hope we can laugh about this later. I'm trying to find the humor in it now, but I'm still weirded out.

Why not buy disposable gloves and use toilet paper?

Furthermore,

tactlessbastard posted:

It's your husband's baby, moron.

Mr. Creakle
Apr 27, 2007

Protecting your virginity



Ebola Roulette posted:

Why not buy disposable gloves and use toilet paper?

Furthermore,

Why yes using a cloth fabric that has been on an appendage that touches the floor and houses feet, which can contain fungus and god knows what else, is clearly more sanitary than disposable tissues. :downs:

Like even if the socks are freshly laundered then you are still A. putting something with chemicals (laundry detergent residue and/or dryer sheets) all over your sensitive rear end and B. leaving the dried crusty feces to rot on the cloth’s surface. Both great ways to get an rear end rash or infection of some kind.

Also some bacteria can survive unless its a strong hot water wash so if she reused any socks she was just rubbing the remains of foot and rear end bacteria all over herself again. The pinnacle of cleanliness

Mameluke
Aug 2, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
Break up with poop sock girl and tell her you bought your gym socks for their porousness and breathability imo

dudeness
Mar 5, 2010

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
Fallen Rib
She's just into making Mr. Socko lick her rear end in a top hat.

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Bored
Jul 26, 2007

Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

extra row of teeth posted:

Mother bought a coconut, she bought it for a dime
Her son he stole the coconut he filled it with cockslime

You put your dong in the coconut and gently caress it all up

:golfclap:

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