/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

Acres of Quakers posted:

She should adjust the itinerary a bit:

Day 1: drive motorcycle slowly off road into creek.

Day 2-14: Lie by pool drinking rum while recovering from minor roadrash obtained from jumping off motorcycle before it rolls into creek.

The parents should update their wills, then recreate Meatloaf's Bat Out Of Hell

https://youtube.com/watch?v=3QGMCSCFoKA

If you dont want to listen to a ten minute song, the entire plot is a man spends one last night with their lover before leaving town for good. However, they're so distracted by memories of good pussy / dick that they miss a sudden curve, drive off it, and die. I suppose it should be adjusted to distracted by thoughts if their kids honeymoon before driving off a cliff.

Ps listen to meatloaf.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:02

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# ? May 30, 2024 21:14

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

Miserable Maid posted:

Where the hell are all these people working?! It's such an alien concept to me.

Like, creeps abusing power, harassment, I know that happens of course. But when like, an entire squad of coworkers join in, and even HR?

The other coworkers have figured out the best way to stay on lovely boss' good side is to help them be lovely. HR isn't there to be on the employees' side. It's there to protect the company. If they decide the best way to protect the company is to protect a lovely manager, they'll do it.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:04

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

r/polyamory
If poly is all about communication, why don't men talk to me?
u/new_yet_old_yet_55

quote:

Caveat: This is a little rant.

I'm in my 50s, recently divorced, curious and keen to learn about poly lifestyle. Live in SF Bay Area, have attended several poly meet and greet groups.

I'm not intimidating, don't have a resting bitch face, not unattractive. Employed, sociable, have hobbies. I'm comfortable making small talk, good sense of humor. I don't stare at my phone. And yet...

I seem to fall into a weird middle ground due to my age - either the people around my age have been in the lifestyle forever and feel they already know the people they need to know and don't really want anymore in their group.... or I'm too old for the young newbies to talk to since I probably remind them of their mother (or an aunt...).

If poly and sexual freedom is all about clear, open, honest communication, why is no one from the "old" group open to talking to me, making me feel welcome, recruiting me, educating me? Why are they all about talking to those they already know about past shared experiences, inside jokes and references, moaning about the "good old days" or chatting about really ordinary dull cocktail topics (real estate, boring hobbies, traffic...)??

Considering where I live, entering this lifestyle should be easy... but it's not feeling that way.

The most recent gathering I attended had approx 7 women and 14 men. I tried starting conversations with several people (including the women) and the only person who talked to me for more than 5 minutes talked all about himself! One guy I had even met before at a sex party! I had to remind him - "We met before - at so-and-so's party" and all I got was "Oh. Yes." and then he wandered away. FFS! We'd already seen each other naked!

I'm not expecting to be flirted with or pursued, but really, under those circumstances, one would think someone would at least try and make me feel simply welcome...but nope.

Any insights? Thanks for reading.

EDIT: Thanks for all the comments and viewpoints. This is why I love Reddit - it gets me to think of so many other views. All appreciated.

I think I was expecting something a little more "immediate" and/or "special" from the group in terms of attention.

People are people are people. That's the beauty of it all.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:11

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

r/polyamory
How to cope with my metas hostile family
u/curiouscat12367

quote:

I (26F) and my husband of 8 years (27M) really care about his girlfriend (19F)and love having her in our lives, but her family thinks she is being abused or something simply based on our relationship style and age difference. I just need a little support and advice because I hate sexual predators more than anything and being accused of being one literally made me have a panic attack. When they first met, she was 17 and he was 25, and the fact they they kissed once almost got her kicked out of the house so we kind of broke things off for a while. Are we really that crazy for caring about someone who happens to be a little younger than us? Seeing them suffer apart may have been worse but I still don't fully understand what hell may await if we continue...

We practice NVC as much as we can and really treat one another with love and compassion. How do you prove something like that to someone? Worse yet, How do I know some crazy hillbilly isn't going to show up on my doorstep with a gun?? Idk how to live with this...

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:19

Johnny Truant: Jul 22, 2008

CheesyDog posted:

r/polyamory
How to cope with my metas hostile family
u/curiouscat12367

hate sexual predators more than anything...
partner met girlfriend when she was 17, he was 25...

:thunk:

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:28

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

CheesyDog posted:

r/polyamory
How to cope with my metas hostile family
u/curiouscat12367

While you are just a garden variety pervert, your husband is worse. If you're going to stick with him, you're going to get tarred with the same brush. Thems the breaks.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:28

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

r/polyamory
How Do I Force Myself into Having a MFM with my Nesting Partner.
u/Jotrinity12

quote:

So I have been in a Poly Relationship for about a year, it has been great and very liberating. We have a basic set of rules and follow them very strictly, we have other relationships but are most definitely each others Nesting Partner/Primary.

We have lots of threesomes with women, my partner is Bisexual and quite good and seducing women, so our Friday nights are often full of some great fun. However, recently my partner has expressed an intense need to have a MFM where I am involved. She only wants to do it if I am involved but the thing is I don't want to. I mean I hate the idea. I am not bisexual and really the idea does not turn me on. Yet somehow I am going to have to force myself to do it. Otherwise we might stop having our Friday FFM's with our other Poly partners or worse break up altogether I am new, so are their any tips at doing forcing yourself into something you don't want?

I am looking for legitimate advice and not judgement so please be gentle!

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:33

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

These titles.....
:suicide:

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:35

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Are poly people secretly birds or something? Or do they nest like the xenomorphs from Alien?

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:42

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

r/polyamoryCurious/Learning
I don�t know how to tell my wife I�m having strong desires for relationships with other women.
u/frustratednconfused1

quote:

For over a week now I�ve felt a strong burning desire to seek out romantic relationships with women other than my wife. It keeps invading my thoughts making my heart race. The more I think about it the more I feel like this is something I�ve always wanted, but I�ve always repressed.

I don�t know how to tell my wife about any of this. We�ve been married for 6 years, and the more I feel this desire the more guilty I feel. To further complicate things we have a 8 month old baby. We are only just now starting to feel like normal people again. I�m afraid that this desire will come of as me wanting to replace my wife. I still love my wife very much, and I love our baby. I don�t want to replace either of them, I just want to add onto our family.

I�m not looking to open up our marriage right now. Although I it is something I think I want, I understand opening up or marriage is unfeasible right now anyways. I know opening the marriage is only something that can happen if we both agree. I know that I�ll have to tell my wife about my feelings if I want any hope of opening up the marriage. I don�t know how to communicate this to my wife and not hurt her, or at the very least communicate my feelings without hurting her. Even if we didn�t have the baby, it still would be hard to express what I�m feeling in a way that didn�t hurt my wife.

These feelings keep eating me up inside. I�ve already scheduled an appointment with a therapist, hopefully that will help. In the meantime any advice would be appreciated.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:48

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

CheesyDog posted:

r/polyamoryCurious/Learning
I don’t know how to tell my wife I’m having strong desires for relationships with other women.
u/frustratednconfused1

This is a pro use of spoilers. Nice work.

This man should just kill himself. He's too stupid to live.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 18:56

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

posting anything from poly subreddits is cheating. It's just too easy

therobit posted:

This is a pro use of spoilers. Nice work.

This man should just kill himself. He's too stupid to live.

Agreed

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:00

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

From 70s Dear Abby:

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:04

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Haifisch posted:

From 70s Dear Abby:

Haha oh poo poo this is good.

hosed a 19 year old, knocked her up, and found Jesus.

Also ya know why can�t reddit posts be this short and to the point. Dude says so much in so few words.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:06

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

CheesyDog posted:

r/polyamoryCurious/Learning
I don�t know how to tell my wife I�m having strong desires for relationships with other women.
u/frustratednconfused1

�Should I set myself on fire? I should set myself on fire.�

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:06

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

MarcusSA posted:

Also ya know why can’t reddit posts be this short and to the point. Dude says so much in so few words.

Dear Abby has an editor to trim all the self-justifying bullshit out before publication

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:08

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

CheesyDog posted:

r/polyamoryCurious/Learning
I don�t know how to tell my wife I�m having strong desires for relationships with other women.
u/frustratednconfused1

Oh god, the comments are delightful.

quote:

This is the worst timing ever and genuinely suspicious. This ideally is a time when you are MOST invested in your family, putting all your energy into learning your new baby, doing extra work to compensate for mom being more tired and making sure other priorities don't drop.

Seems good, right? Acknowledges his feelings while advising him not to nuke his marriage. Except they continue with:

quote:

If you still have these feelings in a month, tell your wife and go to a therapist to ensure these are genuine feelings of polyamory and not some new dad freakout.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:15

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

LORD OF BOOTY posted:

I also feel like there's a serious underestimation of just how much, and how furiously, 19-year-old college freshmen masturbate

(spoilers: you do not want to take a blacklight into anyone's dorm room, despite the cliche)

Not just college freshmen. Literally every teenager in existence masturbates nonstop from like age 12-20. It levels off a bit over the next couple years or so, but the hormones for that 6-8 year period are obscene for every girl and guy as a teen.

It's still really goddamn weird that OP was jerking off in his brother's room. It's almost more strange than the anime bullshit by more practical standards because why would you ever do that????

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:16

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

I don't think anyone denies teenagers are jerking off pretty much constantly but dismissing doing it in your brother's room on those grounds is "who among us has not hosed a rotten coconut" level

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:18

waah: Jun 20, 2011; Better stay in line when
You see a Pavel like me shinin

CheesyDog posted:

r/polyamoryCurious/Learning
I don�t know how to tell my wife I�m having strong desires for relationships with other women.
u/frustratednconfused1

Wasn't this the exact same story as that one dumb gently caress who left his kids in the car in the heat while he was trying to sext chicks at his work desk?

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:19

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I don't think anyone denies teenagers are jerking off pretty much constantly but dismissing doing it in your brother's room on those grounds is "who among us has not hosed a rotten coconut" level

That's exactly what I said!! I would have never jerked it outside of my own space and never in a sibling's room because that's fuckin strange and gross.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:20

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

yeah I was agreeing with you

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:26

epenthesis: Jan 12, 2008; I'M TAKIN' YOU PUNKS DOWN!

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

It's still really goddamn weird that OP was jerking off in his brother's room. It's almost more strange than the anime bullshit by more practical standards because why would you ever do that????

I�m still not 100% sure on the specifics of how it went down, but in the true version of the story OP was definitely both playing with the figurines and jerking while watching his brother from the closet.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 19:39

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Lol at the guy thinking he's some rare breed of man because he wants to gently caress women that aren't his wife and the idea that he needs to tell her this.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 20:20

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

WrenP-Complete posted:

One of the ballets in NYC had them for a while. It's super common in some areas.

west coast lice is super common east coast bed bugs are super common. they are both easy to avoid getting but once you get them they are annoying to get rid of. I never got lice when i grew up in ca but in nc my brother has tracked in bed bugs twice to my house. The horror stories of burning your house down are vastly over exaggerated by people who don't follow the instructions for getting rid of them. I'm told they are like roaches though so if you live in an apt building and the whole building has it your hosed.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 20:22

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Our (25f, 26m) friend (26m) wants to come visit us, however they have bed bugs.

Hi, so our friend from Boston wants to fly out and visit us (we live in Seattle). Last year we visited Boston and stayed at his place, while there we realized his apartment is infested with bed bugs. Luckily we were able to prevent it from spreading when we got back to our place but spent DAYS spraying and throwing out anything that they could be hiding on. We don't want to offend him, however we really don't want a bed bug infestation in our apartment. Right now I am considering paying for a hotel for him and just saying our place is too small. Does anyone have suggestions on how to navigate this situation? Other friends let him stay at their place and I'm afraid of coming off as uncaring.

Tl;Dr

Friend has bed bugs, how do I make sure I don't offend them while suggesting they stay in a hotel instead of at our place?

Greet him at the door with a flamethrower

# ? Mar 4, 2019 20:26

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Haifisch posted:

From 70s Dear Abby:

I love it when the advice is short and biting. Anyone got some more good Abby/Ann Landers snippets?

# ? Mar 4, 2019 21:28

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

SciFiDownBeat posted:

posting anything from poly subreddits is cheating. It's just too easy

Agreed

If it's good, well-curated content, then I don't care what the source is

But yes going to a poly forum is definitely like shooting fish in a barrel

# ? Mar 4, 2019 21:47

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I don't think anyone denies teenagers are jerking off pretty much constantly but dismissing doing it in your brother's room on those grounds is "who among us has not hosed a rotten coconut" level

Agreed, it is completely normal

# ? Mar 4, 2019 21:51

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Dienes posted:

Oh god, the comments are delightful.

Seems good, right? Acknowledges his feelings while advising him not to nuke his marriage. Except they continue with:

I like how instead of "you dumbshit, you absolute ignoramus," the responses are "actually you may not be as special and enlightened as me, think about it for a while :grin:

# ? Mar 4, 2019 21:52

Willfrey: Jul 20, 2007; Why don't the poors simply buy more money?; Fun Shoe

I need to make a reddit account so I can ~~give good advice~~ help people ruin their own lives

# ? Mar 4, 2019 22:08

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

This woman's writing is a pain to read, so feel free to skip directly to the final line of her post to get to the good part.

AITA for not removing a tattoo at the request of my husband?

quote:

Hello, I (31F) have been married to my husband (28M) for roughly two years, we dated for 1 year before that. In my past life before working at the church, I was a bartender at a popular bar. I made enough money to pay off my car and some credit card debt that never seemed to go away. Unfortunately, I had some issues with addiction and was not living a healthy lifestyle at the time. I had a couple of serious boyfriends and a dozen ONS before meeting my now husband.

I disclosed that I had a rough time through my early to mid-twenties before we got married and was willing to be honest with him whenever he asked about anything. My husband is an old-fashioned type and follows the adage of �a gentleman never asks, and a lady never tells�. This was fine for me because I wanted to leave the past in the past and he wasn�t a jealous type while we were dating.

However, I have a few tattoos from the days when I was in one of my serious relationships before my current husband. He never asked about these ones, so I didn�t feel like it was something that needed to be discussed. Whenever my now husband generally asked about my tattoos (I have a lot of them) I told him simply I liked the art, which is true. I knew when saying this in the back of my head that some of them had baggage and did not want to dig that up. At the time, I know he would have understood.

The conversation of tattoos did not come up again until a year into marriage. Because of talking about the loose associations some of them had, jealousy issues started finding their way into our relationship. Let�s say one of them had to do with my ex�s metaphysical snake. I love him dearly, I do. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but these jealousy issues are starting to get cumbersome. It seems like every time he talks about this, he is possessed and wants to know all the dirty little details of this particular person in relation to himself.

I feel like he is views me like I am trash, even though he is using a calm, respectful tone. I feel like when he goes deep into the rabbit hole about this, the only way to help him is to talk about the details that he is asking about. Every time it is like putting the nail in one coffin but opening up ten new cans of worms. After growing tired, I told him that I do not want to talk about it anymore. Seemingly out of anger, he told me that he wants the tattoo removed or covered up.

I feel like he had his opportunity to find out about the details of all my tattoos and get them removed before the wedding. I could have been more open and forthcoming about the intimate nature of some of these tattoos, but we were seemingly operating under the don�t ask don�t tell philosophy. But now, there are early memories and wedding pictures tainted. I am hurt by him requesting me to remove the tattoos because it makes me feel objectified. It seems that this is leading to an ultimatum and I have decided not to remove it. Am I an rear end in a top hat for not removing the tattoo?

Edit:

Yes the tattoo is about my ex's endowment

# ? Mar 4, 2019 22:17

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

R/Relationships: one of them had to do with my ex�s metaphysical snake.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 22:25

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Every time it is like putting the nail in one coffin but opening up ten new cans of worms

# ? Mar 4, 2019 22:25

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Tifu by loudly telling a female workmate I was going to finger her

quote:

So I (M 22) work in a factory that is slightly short staffed, so from time to time some of the office staff have to come through to the factory and help out. One of these office workers is a (F 18) who we'll call Jess. So Jess was in the factory helping out and I happened to walk past her wearing some rubber gloves. Now Jess and I have a friendly bit of banter from time to time, and so as I was passing her she looked at my gloves and said

"You look like you're about to go finger a cow" (Which is a bit of a weird thing to say, but hey ho)

So me being the master of wit that I am instantly thought "right, now's my time to shine! If I say the right thing I could turn this into a funny insult and call her a cow" My brain decided malfunction and what actually came out was

"I'll finger you"

Not surprisingly this immediately drew a funny look from her and i felt my face start to glow red from awkwardness... Because of the level of noise I the factory I have sort of developed a loud voice in order to be heard. It just so happened that one of the machines cut out at almost the same moment and the factory went relatively quiet. Everybody in the immediate vicinity heard and looked over at me... At this point I wanted to just crawl into a hole, but I stood my ground and tried explaining myself

"I meant that as though you're a cow, not that I actually want to finger you"

This seemed to clear things up for her but now everyone at work keeps making fingering puns and innuendo's. I can't look Jess in the eye any more. Works gonna be a little awkward for a while...

Tl/Dr: female workmate said I looked like I was going to go "finger a cow" so as my attempt a a witty response I said "I'll finger you." Now workmates are ripping me a new one by constantly making fingering references

# ? Mar 4, 2019 22:27

duck trucker: Oct 14, 2017; YOSPOS

I was looking for a Dear Abby about a parent complaining about their gay child but found this one instead:

DearAbby posted:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I relocated to Florida a little over a year ago and were quickly welcomed into our new neighbors' social whirl. Two couples in the neighborhood are gay -- one male, one female. While they are nice enough, my husband and I did not include them when it was our turn to host because we do not approve of their lifestyle choices. Since then, we have been excluded from neighborhood gatherings, and someone even suggested that we are bigots!

Abby, we moved here from a conservative community where people were pretty much the same. If people were "different," they apparently kept it to themselves. While I understand the phrase "when in Rome," I don't feel we should have to compromise our values just to win the approval of our neighbors. But really, who is the true bigot here? Would you like to weigh in? -- UNHAPPY IN TAMPA

DEAR UNHAPPY: I sure would. The first thing I'd like to say is that regardless of what you were told in your previous community, a person's sexual orientation isn't a "lifestyle choice." Gay people don't choose to be gay; they are born that way. They can't change being gay any more than you can change being heterosexual.

I find it interesting that you are unwilling to reciprocate the hospitality of people who welcomed you and opened their homes to you, and yet you complain because you are receiving similar treatment.

From where I sit, you may have chosen the wrong place to live because it appears you would be happier in a less integrated neighborhood surrounded by people who think the way you do. But if you interact only with people like yourselves, you will have missed a chance for growth, which is what you have been offered here. Please don't blow it.

# ? Mar 4, 2019 22:32

Willfrey: Jul 20, 2007; Why don't the poors simply buy more money?; Fun Shoe

My favorite reddit posts are the long, rambling case-building with a bombshell at the end.

Pargraphs of yadda yadda yadda punctuated by "that is why I wont remove my ex's cock tattoo"

# ? Mar 4, 2019 22:33