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Sometimes my wife would say "your beard is stingy", and I'd go "your mom's beard is stingy". That's about the extend where these jokes are "funny".
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Mar 11, 2019 23:02
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just an absolute scrooge of a beard
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Mar 11, 2019 23:08
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Power Khan posted:Me [33 F] with my husband [34 M] of 11 years, keeps joking about my mother being a whore and today did it in front of our son...
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Mar 11, 2019 23:16
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Power Khan posted:Sometimes my wife would say "your beard is stingy", and I'd go "your mom's beard is stingy". Sounds like a good reason to open the relationship
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Mar 11, 2019 23:22
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Me [22 M] with my girlfriend [23 F] 9 months, she wants me to leave with her and join her church, but wants me to stop talking to my family.quote:Honestly, outside of meeting her my life isn't very good I'm actually a failure all things considered. I met (I'll call her T for now) I met T a few months ago and she seems way above my league in terms of looks and just life accomplishment.
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Mar 12, 2019 00:21
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AITA for only marrying Muslim girls? Well, I wouldn't think so. Shared values are important in a relationship and if your faith is an important part of your life it stands to reason that you'd want that in a partn-- quote:AITA for only marrying Muslim girls? quote:That’s just a convenience thing since she was sleeping here most nights anyway,
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Mar 12, 2019 00:26
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Clark Nova posted:Okay, the anecdotes about driving instructors/testers drilling lovely car-culture aggression and disregard for human life into their students are making me more angry than most of the actual relationship stories I had driver's ed and my instructor ate a tuna sandwich and a bag of Doritos during my final
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Mar 12, 2019 00:31
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Midnight Voyager posted:HEY SON YOUR GRANDMA FUCKS DOGS What Honey, I'm just being edgy I'm like this with everyone COME ONNNN
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Mar 12, 2019 00:34
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christmas boots posted:AITA for only marrying Muslim girls? Hahaha oh jeez
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Mar 12, 2019 00:40
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Haifisch posted:Me [22 M] with my girlfriend [23 F] 9 months, she wants me to leave with her and join her church, but wants me to stop talking to my family. I wonder if it’s one of those really creepy and oppressive churches that feeds kids into the Pensacola Christian Institute. That place is so weird it got a Cracked article about how horrible it is. http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1688-5-awful-realities-fundamentalist-christian-college.html
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Mar 12, 2019 00:40
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So anytime I see a girl in a coffee shop it's a cultist honeypot? Sweet!
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Mar 12, 2019 00:41
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Cat Army
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christmas boots posted:AITA for only marrying Muslim girls? *record scratch*
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Mar 12, 2019 00:47
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His girlfriend should find his family, tell them their history of dating, and then leave because that dude deserves absolutely nothing less than the best.
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Mar 12, 2019 00:49
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Approved over $10K in CC charges at a strip club while extremely intoxicated.quote:
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Mar 12, 2019 00:53
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chitoryu12 posted:I wonder if it’s one of those really creepy and oppressive churches that feeds kids into the Pensacola Christian Institute. That place is so weird it got a Cracked article about how horrible it is. If it's florida I'm willing to bet it's scientology
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Mar 12, 2019 00:53
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Araenna posted:If it's florida I'm willing to bet it's scientology Er... You know Pensacola's in Florida, right?
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Mar 12, 2019 01:02
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I remember when I was pissed that I drove up a $200 bar tab one night when wasted buying everyone drinks. This dude did $10k in a strip club with a loving pregnant wife at home. Ahahahahahaha
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Mar 12, 2019 01:02
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Midnight Voyager posted:Er... You know Pensacola's in Florida, right? I assumed Scientology too. They’ve got a pretty big presence in FL apparently. I guess it could be any sort of cult, but all the vague talk about a “church” that’s a part of a “really good organization” combined with cutting off his entire family is definitely ringing the Scientology alarm bells.
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Mar 12, 2019 01:07
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Pinecone Sample posted:The parents are way more awful than we knew, but this has a kind of happy ending A) is there somewhere I can read the original post? B) I don't reddit, but has someone told the OP their parents can be held liable, potentially criminally, for the money they stole? There's zero way they could ever show the money paid to them as rep payees for the sister actually went toward her care and that's not counting any stipulations like a skilled caregiver being required. Like if someone reported that up the chain in my bank I would be reporting it to the cops and APS within the day. I save old/disabled people's lives all the time with spreadsheets and a phonecall because their family just treats their care benefit as a loving extra paycheck or they straight up loot granny's retirement account and I end up investigating the financial side of it. It sounds like Cool Gramps is cool enough to have already reported it but there's no law against calling it in again to be absolutely sure.
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Mar 12, 2019 01:08
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Just found my boyfriend's secret dildo/butt plug collection.quote:Now what? Buy him the dragon dildo that lays eggs, your boyfriend will love it.
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Mar 12, 2019 01:08
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im happy tfab found a gf but maybe she should be less snoopy.
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Mar 12, 2019 01:12
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snergle posted:im happy tfab found a gf but maybe she should be less snoopy. is that the goon that posted the story about buttmeat (but not the anime about buttmeat)
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Mar 12, 2019 01:18
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Haifisch posted:Approved over $10K in CC charges at a strip club while extremely intoxicated. wow you suck
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Mar 12, 2019 01:26
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christmas boots posted:AITA for only marrying Muslim girls? wow you suck
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Mar 12, 2019 01:26
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Rude 
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Mar 12, 2019 01:27
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FAUXTON posted:A) is there somewhere I can read the original post? AITA for despising my mentally handicap sister? quote:The title makes me sound horrible but hear me out.
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Mar 12, 2019 01:27
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Rubellavator posted:AITA for despising my mentally handicap sister? Holy poo poo yeah there's probably some expectation of an actual behavioral therapist or what have you. My SIL used to work in an institution facility that basically got the kids as a result of court orders - they'd often ended up in the JJ system because they tried killing someone or burning a building down, something dire like that where you need to know what to wear so they can't strangle you with a scarf/how to determine when a kid needs pharmaceutical restraint vs a controlled narcissistic act for attention, etc. Goddamn those parents, they probably massively wrecked the sister's prospects for improvement by saddling the OP with something they were neither ready nor qualified for, let alone willing. I hope there's an "I'm testifying against my parents at trial" update. gently caress those people.
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Mar 12, 2019 01:40
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for arguing with my driving instructor? I failed my first driving exam. I was stopped in either the left lane or a suicide lane, waiting to turn left (with blinker on). I saw a sizeable gap coming up in traffic, took my foot off the brake and started to roll forward a little in anticipation of turning left. The DMV lady absolutely flipped her poo poo and yelled something along the lines of, "YOU WERE GOING TO DRIVE RIGHT INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC." I can't remember exactly what she said, but she basically accused me of being either suicidal or blind because there was no way in hell I was about to just drive into a bunch of cars speeding at me. I was so confused, I didn't immediately understand what was going on. I was just like, "wait... what? Where? You mean the cars right in front of me?" Anyway, people who talk about respecting elders are generally old assholes who are not worthy of respect.
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Mar 12, 2019 01:40
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I failed my first exam because the instructor ordered me to hit an old person crossing the street against the light with my car and I did not comply and Ive never been happier to report someone to their superiors.
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Mar 12, 2019 01:47
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AITA for thinking my GF is wrongquote:So a little backstory: My GF was on her period (very easily offend able) and was craving insert expensive burger place and i thought maybe she’ll be feeling better when she eats. So I was going to order the food and wait in line to pick it up. She was finding an Table to enjoy our food.
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Mar 12, 2019 01:53
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You live in Germany, that old biddy doesnt have a gun so you sniveling poo poo should have thrown some punches to defend your girlfriend. If this were America and the gun wasnt already drawn when she started talking you should have taken the insults and quitely left
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Mar 12, 2019 01:56
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Barudak posted:I failed my first exam because the instructor ordered me to hit an old person crossing the street against the light with my car and I did not comply and Ive never been happier to report someone to their superiors. wait wait wait, you got your driver's license in china?? (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Mar 12, 2019 01:58
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Sounds like Noblesse obitch hosed with the wrong peasant
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Mar 12, 2019 01:58
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DemoneeHo posted:Just found my boyfriend's secret dildo/butt plug collection. There's like 4 of those things now. Buy one of each and give him a bouquet, your boyfriend will love it. 
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Mar 12, 2019 01:59
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christmas boots posted:AITA for only marrying Muslim girls? It's like racist bigoted misogynist bingo with this story. Now all he needs to do is to throw in unyielding political differences that are also the product of racism and sexism. Maybe casual homophobia too!
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Mar 12, 2019 02:15
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Barudak posted:You live in Germany, that old biddy doesnt have a gun so you sniveling poo poo should have thrown some punches to defend your girlfriend. She wasn’t an old biddy, she was in her mid 20s so the gf doesn’t have to worry about looking bad for beating up an old person. Plus she was wearing a fur coat, so even more reason to throw down. Doesn’t matter if it’s faux.
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Mar 12, 2019 02:16
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Dienes posted:There's like 4 of those things now. Buy one of each and give him a bouquet, your boyfriend will love it. 
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Mar 12, 2019 02:18
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Dr. S.O. Feelgood posted:She wasn’t an old biddy, she was in her mid 20s so the gf doesn’t have to worry about looking bad for beating up an old person. Plus she was wearing a fur coat, so even more reason to throw down. Doesn’t matter if it’s faux. Looks like I got caught out on not reading that sentence and going with expectations but yeah if shes twenty dude should have given her a stunner to set up his girlfriend jumping from the table onto this lady. Get fuuuuucked apology seeker, this aint america!
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Mar 12, 2019 02:55
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My brother failed his first driving test because the car was destroyed. (But he has an insurance letter proving it wasn't his fault)
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Mar 12, 2019 03:36
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On autism spectrum, need feedback on if this is creepy or what. TL;DR : had ex girlfriend, writing story originally based on her for almost 5 years since, not into her anymore but think about her daily Worst way to start off a post, but I’d like input here and am on an anonymous account for a reason. For background, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s, then had it stricken, but because of that old diagnosis, I don’t think like most people. My experience of life is rather alien to yours, and I just want an idea on if what I’m doing is normal. About five years ago, I met a girl let’s call Q during O-Week of college and that first night, something clicked in my brain, and even though I wasn’t interested in Q, something inside me while I was blackout drunk was telling me to remember Q’s name. Q had a full-blown crush on me, and while I dated another girl during this time, Q’d invite me over, invite herself over, and we’d watch things together and get in deep talks. We came from similar situations, of having absentee parents who sent us to boarding schools, not rich but not upper middle class since we sat on dwindling sums of money, and were in the same major, coming in with the same grades. Never got more than an arm around her shoulder, over six months of doing this. Eventually, when I came to have a crush on her, things got more heated until eventually, her friends barged in my room and told me that me and her were now in a relationship. I had a formal date (it’s a sorority thing) with another girl already planned when they announced this, since I wasn’t exclusive before, so I went to formal with the girl. Q was shocked, and laughed it off when she “found out,” and after that became a lot more angry and started walking by me without acknowledging me. That was okay if not sad, and I started seeing other girls again, while I still thought about Q over the summer. I’d indulge these vivid fantasies of me and her sipping margaritas on the beach, or of me taking her to fancy stores and buying everything, living in a paradise with the girl. The next school year came around, and I wound up at a sorority formal with Q’s old roommate. I still had small feelings for Q, but I had seen other girls since, so it wasn’t like I was in the throes of passion. Her roommate revealed to me that Q loved me, and would ask nonstop about me, snuck in my dorm, and did all sorts of things others would shake their heads and consider creepy but for me, as a kid that grew up all alone, was really beautiful. When the roommate told me all this, I felt time slow down, my stomach drop euphorically, and I realized, “there’s no going back from this moment.” It was the most intense feeling I had ever felt, and while I went on the formal date with her old roommate, Q was on my mind. And she stayed on my mind for a LOOOONG time. I have thought about her everyday since, maybe not in the same romantic scenarios but everyday since. Several months into this revelation about how much Q liked me, I began crafting a story. I’m a big science fiction buff, and I made her the sidekick to my alter ego. I’ve been reworking that fictional universe for years since, spending on average four hours a day just crafting lore, technologies, and the character arcs of the people I create. Granted, I’m central as is Q to a large plot in the overall story, but it’s grown beyond just a fantasy of me and her. I’ve gotten theatre designers involved, to help me design ideal turret placements that maximize angles of view on schematics I’ve made, I’ve gotten hardware engineers to help me think out how physics for electrons would work in a universe with a weaker Weak Force, and have put lots of thought into miscellaneous things like about how zero-gravity kilns would work. This consumes a lot of my free time, and has become a burning passion for me. You could say I’m enthralled by it, and beyond just consulting, I’ve read 50-80 technical books to catch me up to speed on things I’d include in the story, from language creation to books about how life in other dimensions would probably function. I’ve become a better person because of all this, and I feel a great deal more knowledgeable than I did when I started writing. The girl has lost her attraction to me, and I haven’t seen her in two years. Last time we saw each other, we bumped into each other at a club. I was high as could be, and her group had danced over to be next to my friends, and Q and I locked eyes for about ten seconds, and me being the sucker I am, felt that drop in my stomach again. Still can remember those eyes in my blurry memory from that night, where I wound up so drunk and high that I puked later on. She graduated as an accountant, and entered the real world. I on the other hand am still in school, in a very intense science / math program with fifteen unit classes at the 600 level. I feel like a complete loser despite busting my rear end off, and haven’t really wanted to get in a relationship with any of the girls I’ve seen since. I think my main mental pull to Q now is the fact that she’s the inspiration for a great character of mine, and the fact that she held sway over my mind for so long. It’s more of a begrudging, “you won,” sort of respect I hold for her at this point. I probably wouldn’t even want to get back with her if I had the chance. Is this all insane? And thanks for reading
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Mar 12, 2019 04:31
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