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AITA for breaking off my engagement over his father's racist remarks? Hello everyone, I have been with my (now ex) fiance for just about four years and recently broke off our engagement due to his parent's racist remarks at a restaurant. We were to be married in June of this year. To make a long story short, we met at a work conference in 2015 and maintained a long distance relationship (he lived in CA, I lived in N.C.) and made it work. We got together for about a week every two months or so, and during this time, I met his family and he subsequently met mine when we were in each other's towns. There were no red flags, not even a hint of how racist his parents really are - I ultimately found this out a few weeks ago. We (me, him, and his parents) were out to dinner a few weeks ago and this little boy, must have been six years old or so, accidentally tripped our waitress resulting in dropped plates and food getting all over his mother and father. I had never seen such a dramatic shift in mood, but my future father-in-law stood up and started spewing A LOT of hateful remarks about people of other races -- I'll spare you all the details, but it was extremely vile and disgusting stuff. People started recording on their phones. It was a HUGE scene that left me VERY embarrassed and ashamed to be there - what makes matters even worse was that my mother-in-law did not disagree with him; she sat there nodding her head in agreement My fiance didn't say anything,he just sat there. He didn't acknowledge what his father said, but the fact that he just let it go and didn't stand up to him was very telling. The day after this incident I drove over to his house and broke off our engagement. Understandably, he was very upset and naturally we had a big argument which I'm sure the neighbors heard. I know he didn't say anything at dinner and I asked him point blank "Are you a racist?" - he did not answer, only turned away. I'm not sure what that meant. I had absolutely no idea his family was like this and a big life lesson I have learned is to spend more time with a partner's family before making any decisions. I simply can not be with someone whose family harbors so much hate - the apple doesn't drop far from the tree. What conflicts me is that his family paid for the entire wedding - everything from the venue, to the dresses, to the food, to the decorations. Me personally, I don't come from a lot of money and would have been happy with a nice backyard wedding. But I know they spent a lot which makes me feel terrible. Does this make me an rear end in a top hat?
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Mar 20, 2019 03:15
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| # ? May 14, 2024 09:28 |
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Glad she found out before the ceremony. Gross that the guy doesn't even deny that he and his family are all horrible racists/people.
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Mar 20, 2019 03:17
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Sounds more like she's leaving him because he didn't fall far from the unrepentant racist rear end in a top hat tree.
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Mar 20, 2019 03:30
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AITA for not using my girlfriend’s condom? Posting from an alt because I’m here for advice not karma So basically about 3 days ago, i went over to a girl i’ve been talking to for maybe 3-4 weeks, and we were going to do the deed. Of course I came prepared with a Trojan fresh out the box popped into my pocket. I get there and you know blah blah happens and eventually I pull the condom out before insertion. She says “no no, there’s no need, I have some” but I say I already have it and start unwrapping it. Here’s where she gets persistent. She hops up and says “No we’re using mine,” and says she won’t let me until we use one she had. Now she had mentioned wanting kids soon, like in 2 months soon, but thought we’d just maybe mess around for a week or two and that’d be it. I thought nothing of it originally and honestly now I was scared. I said “no, why’re you so persistent.” She then states that if I wasn’t to use hers, I might as well leave. So I put on my clothes, did the ol’ reliable waistband tuck, though there wasn’t much to tuck at this point. I now was texted by her friend calling me an rear end in a top hat and making a big deal out of nothing. I am starting to get second thoughts and thought I should’ve went along TL;DR: girl wouldn’t let me use my own condom, said i couldn’t smash until I used hers
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Mar 20, 2019 03:35
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Taking the story at face value, being like "no I insist we use my condoms" while your boyfriend is in the middle of opening their own, with no further explanation, is really weird
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Mar 20, 2019 03:40
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DeadMansSuspenders posted:And artists always wonder why there's a stereotype of them being deadbeats. This is funny. Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for breaking off my engagement over his father's racist remarks? Sounds like the boyfriend is also maybe racist and just not that outspoken, but even if not it's legitimate to not marry someone because you don't want their family to become your family. Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for not using my girlfriend’s condom? Dat's baby trap bitch!
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Mar 20, 2019 03:41
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what's a latex allergy
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Mar 20, 2019 03:41
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for not using my girlfriend’s condom? Bullet status: dodged My best friend (27m) and I ( 27f ) slept together and he pretends it never happened, but I received a letter from him today. quote:My best friend and i have been friends forever. I have been in love with him nearly that long. He moved away about a year ago for work, and I went to visit him. He took me out for drinks, and I drank a lot too much. There was another update: quote:I had his doorman deliver the letter for me and then waited in the taxi for a while. Don't know exactly how long. It almost didn't work, as it was 1 am and the doorman didn't want to take it. After a while I went up and knocked on the door. When he opened the door he was actually in tears. Well not really but I could tell he had wiped his eyes before opening the door. I said, nah only an rear end would make the love of their life wait two weeks. Then I jumped him. More updates to come. DeadMansSuspenders fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Mar 20, 2019 |
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Mar 20, 2019 03:43
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Smirking_Serpent posted:I had never seen such a dramatic shift in mood, but my future father-in-law stood up and started spewing A LOT of hateful remarks about people of other races -- I'll spare you all the details, but it was extremely vile and disgusting stuff. Was this specific to the waitress, or did he just go on a general racist tirade and try to cover all the bases? "Alright, I think that about covers the MEXICANS. Now let me tell you about the BLACKS!" 
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Mar 20, 2019 03:47
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AITA for cancelling our wedding venue a couple of months before the wedding day? So about a year ago I popped the big question. I was deeply in love with my girlfriend and everything felt amazing. That is until she transformed into a bridezilla in front of my eyes. Ever since we got engaged all she can do is talk about the wedding, which was fine at first but it started to consume her. I thought that I would get some say in how the day was going to go but everything I suggest is immediately shot down. The only choice I got to make was my tux and even that had to fit her God drat color scheme. Well things really started ramping up when her mother came down for the weekend. She's your typical trailer trash woman who married into a successful family. All her ideas are awful and tacky yet my fiancee laps it up like a dehydrated person in a desert. When I try to bring it up with her she tells me that this is "her" big day and I should just be supportive. I told her it was my money and that I should have more say in how it's spent. Her mom picked out maroon table clothes with flowers and suns on them, I feel like it's a funeral for a carnival worker. She even suggested we have beer kegs on tap. So the last straw was that her and her mother, without my consent, used my credit card as a payment on a venue down by a river instead of the church we discussed where my family has attended for generations and made many contributions, the pricing was even a little cheaper minus the price of the hall afterwards. Who wants to get married next to a stinking river full of flies and whatever other insects will float around, on top of all the people who will just waltz up to the river to enjoy the day while were trying to get married. I finally had enough so after she told me what she did I cancelled the payment on my credit card (after spending hours dealing with my credit card company) and told her she could either set up a date at the church or find someone else to marry because I've had enough of this. She's spent the last couple hours bawling her eyes out to her mom and making me seem like the monster after she went behind my back. Am I the rear end in a top hat in this situation? TL;DR: my fiancee became a bridezilla and won't let me make any decisions and her and her mother have teamed up against me. She chose a venue without my consent so I cancelled the payment and told her that she either goes with my choice of where we get married or we aren't getting married at all. Update 1: Thank you everyone for your great responses. It has been pretty eye opening to say the least, I'm going to confront her in the morning. I'll post another update for anyone still interested.
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Mar 20, 2019 03:47
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DeadMansSuspenders posted:And artists always wonder why there's a stereotype of them being deadbeats. "Bro, don't ask any questions. I just need you to log into the fantasy league, don't look at anything, and step out of the room for 2 minutes. I also owe you a big favor and I will never tell you why."
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Mar 20, 2019 03:48
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FAUXTON posted:what's a latex allergy You would think if that was it she'd just explain.
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Mar 20, 2019 03:49
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She probably just didn't trust his condom any more than he trusted hers
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Mar 20, 2019 03:51
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i like nice words
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therobit posted:You would think if that was it she'd just explain. Then where would the upvotes come from?
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Mar 20, 2019 03:52
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FAUXTON posted:what's a latex allergy if that were the case, why wouldn't she just tell him? like i think the possible reasons could be, in order of least offputting to most, - she has a latex allergy - she doesn't like the kind he has (it's unlubricated, it's some novelty thing with crazy bumps, whatever) - she thinks he's been carrying it around in his wallet for months and it's damaged - she thinks he has sabotaged it to get her pregnant - she wants to use her own sabotaged ones to get pregnant and like, even bringing up #3 isn't gonna kill the mood if you're both grown-ups insisting that they use the one she provided but giving no explanation is pretty weird and coupled with him somehow being aware that she wants babies in 2 months despite only knowing her for a few weeks...i'm inclined to say he was right to get gone like a bat out of hell
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Mar 20, 2019 03:56
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for cancelling our wedding venue a couple of months before the wedding day? give your girlfriend some slack for being kind of controlling about the wedding. lots of people get that way and tbh while she should involve you more, nothing she's suggested (beer kegs???? at a wedding???) is really crazy bridezilla stuff. also, call the police on your mother-in-law for credit card fraud.
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Mar 20, 2019 04:00
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Anne Whateley posted:She probably just didn't trust his condom any more than he trusted hers That occurred to me too, but if she thinks he tampered with his she could still get an abortion. I guess if she's worried about his diseased member infecting her that wouldn't matter though. I think communication would have solved any issue they might have unless she was angling for a baby though.
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Mar 20, 2019 04:00
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therobit posted:That occurred to me too, but if she thinks he tampered with his she could still get an abortion. i'm gonna quote this in case you delete it later
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Mar 20, 2019 04:01
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therobit posted:That occurred to me too, but if she thinks he tampered with his she could still get an abortion. I guess if she's worried about his diseased member infecting her that wouldn't matter though. It’s cool that abortion is available in many places (from the post I venture a guess they’re American, which just means it depends where they live) but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean “oh I can just get an abortion” is high up on the list of options in a young woman’s birth-control plan. Or did you mean, she could have gone along with it and then just gotten a Plan B the next morning?
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Mar 20, 2019 04:05
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Sagebrush posted:i'm gonna quote this in case you delete it later I typically only edit my posts for spelling or to add something if nobody has responded yet. I also would totally agree that she might just be of the opinion that she doesn't want an abortion or doesn't want to need to get an abortion or whatever. To me the most likely scenario is that she wants her a baby given how insistent she was without any other explanation, and given she has told him she wants kids soon. Also why is her friend texting him to call him an rear end in a top hat?
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Mar 20, 2019 04:06
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AITA for getting really mad at my boyfriend when he said all girls who game are bad? We were playing together and one of our teammates was doing stuff that was a bit questionable. My boyfriend noticed that the username of the player was girly and started talking about how bad girls are in video games and kept referring to girls as bitches. I got frustrated by it and asked if he thought I was bad too since I happen to be a girl and he replied that I would be if I didn't have him. I decided to just stop playing after that match. We texted a bit back and forth about this, he said I was a whiny bitch. He also said I was no longer a female in the wild so I wasn't that bad. He complained that I took offense when he didn't say anything offensive. I told him it was really uncalled for and that he can't look at one girl playing and say that all girls are bad, we have run into so many "bad" players that were guys and he said nothing about it. I don't know if I overreacted about it, I got mad and I did call him a dick two or three times. I told him to not play with me if I'm so bad and that he definitely has some sexism in him. I didn't really get to say much else as he was ranting on about how girls don't have hunting instinct like guys. He has taught me stuff in games that he played before I started, that I won't deny and I've been thankful for it. I just really disagree with what he is saying and I don't think it's weird that I took offense. What do you guys think, did I overreact?
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Mar 20, 2019 04:09
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Pirate Radar posted:It’s cool that abortion is available in many places (from the post I venture a guess they’re American, which just means it depends where they live) but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean “oh I can just get an abortion” is high up on the list of options in a young woman’s birth-control plan. Or did you mean, she could have gone along with it and then just gotten a Plan B the next morning? I guess it comes down to whether you really think a guy is gonna mess with the condoms in order to father a child. I know it has happened, but I don't think it's likely that a random guy would do that to trap a random woman he has only known a short time. The only times I have ever heard of that were really abusive guys doing it to their spouses. On the 1 in however many thousand chance that he is up to that, it seems like an abortion could be a valid exit strategy. The reason I think she MIGHT be doing that is because she said she wants kids soon and insists on her condom over his already open condom but offers no other explanation. If she volunteered an explanation why she did not want to use his condoms, I wouldn't think that.
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Mar 20, 2019 04:14
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Sometimes, I wish these stories would end with the woman just clocking the guy in the nose. That she is still calling this loser her boyfriend saddens me.
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Mar 20, 2019 04:14
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Dazerbeams posted:Sometimes, I wish these stories would end with the woman just clocking the guy in the nose. That she is still calling this loser her boyfriend saddens me. Coincidentally, here’s one from today’s Dear Prudence quote:Q. Abusive partner: What happens when the abusive partner in your relationship isn’t the other party, but yourself? Do you tell your spouse to leave?
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Mar 20, 2019 04:32
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There are abusive dudes who tamper with condoms to have babies to try to lock women into relationships. That's definitely a thing. But it's not the only reason dudes are lovely and shady and gross about condoms. It's not necessarily a trapping thing, it could be a fetish thing or a oneupmanship thing or loving whatever. Stealthing (sneaking the condom off without her knowing) is an epidemic, you run into like 1000 of those dudes for every abusive dude who'll still be there when the baby is born. Tampering with the condom could achieve those goals psychologically while offering more deniability
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Mar 20, 2019 04:32
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for getting really mad at my boyfriend when he said all girls who game are bad? Don’t date dudes that call girls “bitches” because those dudes are usually buttmad about something.
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Mar 20, 2019 04:33
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AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop discussing our intimate life outside our relationship? My girlfriend started going to therapy for anxiety and such. I usually ask what they talked about when we talk about our days, and she told me she told her therapist about the ins and outs of our relationship, including sex and intimacy. I asked her not to do that anymore because that should be private, and she accused me of interfering with her progress. AITA for this request?
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Mar 20, 2019 04:45
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop discussing our intimate life outside our relationship? The obvious move is to go to the same therapist and talk about how that privacy violation is stressing you out
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Mar 20, 2019 04:47
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Anne Whateley posted:There are abusive dudes who tamper with condoms to have babies to try to lock women into relationships. That's definitely a thing. i am reminded of something i overheard once at a party in college guy 1: my girlfriend wanted to have sex with a condom last night! guy 2: oh man, yeah, condom sex sucks 1: i know, right? and she's on the pill so like i don't get it 2: did she say why? 1: just something about how she wanted to do it that way cause it feels different 2: oh weird 1: and so i was like, 'better different?' and she was like, no, just different 2: she's crazy bro 1: yeah but like i cut the end of it off anyway before i put it on. she's on the pill, like what's the point
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Mar 20, 2019 04:49
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for getting really mad at my boyfriend when he said all girls who game are bad? The worst thing about this is that the ages could be anywhere from 12 to 40.
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Mar 20, 2019 05:00
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Sagebrush posted:if that were the case, why wouldn't she just tell him? The sappy twist is that they both poked holes in each others condoms to try to trick the other into getting pregnant .
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Mar 20, 2019 05:16
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Clawtopsy posted:I know we get some real whoppers in here but on what planet does a server start going "YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS? MEXICANS." to the customers I'm pages late on this, but one of the cooks I work with is a huge trump supporter and god knows how, but he managed to get the (illegal) Guatemalan dishwasher down with Trump. I think about it sometimes and the only answer I can come up with is that they both just loving hated Mexicans.
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Mar 20, 2019 05:20
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You can definitely find pockets of immigrant populations that get super conservative and nationalistic, especially if they’re religious. I’ve heard of it with Korean and Vietnamese communities but I’m sure it applies to others.
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Mar 20, 2019 05:25
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I mean, we're taking the narrator at his words his, but he literally says she wants to have a baby within two months and is acting cagey about the condom. I think we can agree that it's at least a little suspect, and not worth the derail. My [24M] colleague [26F] has a crush on me but I'm not interested - she doesn't speak English. quote:Currently I am living in Laos doing voluntary work. I am teaching English in a local school. One of the teachers in the school I work at, Anith, has quite a big crush on me.
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Mar 20, 2019 05:26
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for getting really mad at my boyfriend when he said all girls who game are bad? The only response to this should be "Give you nuts a tug, titfucker!" and then break up. This dude deserves exactly 0 respect.
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Mar 20, 2019 05:42
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Panfilo posted:The sappy twist is that they both poked holes in each others condoms to try to trick the other into getting pregnant . Wait, what ?
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Mar 20, 2019 05:42
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Panfilo posted:The sappy twist is that they both poked holes in each others condoms to try to trick the other into getting pregnant . The Gift of the Magi that keeps giving
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Mar 20, 2019 05:45
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My [24F] boyfriend [25M] of 7 months carries his gun whenever we go out.quote:Long story short, boyfriend carries his gun whenever we go out (dinner, movies, etc). We live in the city, it's mostly safe but it's not like crime is nonexistent here. Boyfriend says he wants to ensure being able to defend himself and me if we're ever robbed or attacked. He's 5'7 170 lbs, in good shape but certainly not a mountain of muscle. I'm even shorter and smaller than him. Neither of us know martial arts or physical self defense methods. I do carry pepper spray and I would think that would be enough for both of us but he insists on carrying the gun and says he won't hesitate to use it if necessary.
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Mar 20, 2019 05:52
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Scathach posted:The only response to this should be "Give you nuts a tug, titfucker!" and then break up. Why hello Shorsey
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Mar 20, 2019 05:55
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My wife is 27 not overweight (to address questions you might have) and she hates to shower. Can you guys please give me advice on our sex life? My wife and I have been married since 2016. We love each other immensely and have a 2 yr old daughter. The question I have for you guys involves sex and hygiene. As a man I shower every single day, I mean what can I say even though I work a desk job we still acquire body odor. My wife on the other hand (she’s 27 and by no means overweight) hates to shower and she’s a preschool teacher. She wants to have sex and fool around more, but we get in fights because I would prefer she’s clean before I explore her body or sometimes if it’s been a few days I don’t even want sex because I can smell her even in missionary. She doesn’t like to get clean and shower before because she just “gets dirty again and it’s annoying.” Do you guys have any tips for me? tl:dr The title says it all. And she hates "getting dirty" after she showers so I am in a rut and we argue because of it.. 
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Mar 20, 2019 05:56
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