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UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:I wrote a thing for class and it gave me feelings so allow me to share it with y'all: I never could relate about all those stories you hear of really stupid rear end covering and massive normalized fraud, inefficiency and waste in places like the Soviet Union until I had a similar experience on an worn out big grey career killer of a ship with a hapless CO that was never gonna make captain. Brings me back to the days of me and my DIVO pretending to scrub brass for 5 hours on a Sunday morning while our department was weeks ahead of schedule but we had to still come in for weekends in order to look busy so the CO didn’t get yelled at (in front of the whole crew lol) by the commodore. I think like 10% of the crew got kicked out or went limdu after trying to kill themselves or various other flavors of losing their mind dealing with the sheer sisyphean nightmare that was that command in the span of about 4 months. Oh fun fact it’s also the parrot tits ship lol get hosed Ft Mac.
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Mar 25, 2019 12:26
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For all of the idiots, issues, and incompetence the U.S military offers on a daily basis I have at least seen it function properly once or twice. The most irredeemable steaming pile of poo poo I have ever seen come together and call itself the military has to be the U.K. Between Wales, England and Scotland I have never seen the U.K military do ANYTHING right. Can’t even speak English intelligibly, easier time understanding the ancient FFL from fuckitstan while he got sloshed on a brown bagged bottle of Johnny walker than the guy from Wales. Bonus points to the Norwegian military for nailing English with so little accent it would make a news reporter from the Midwest blush. The 16 year “special” forces medic who blew his finger off while cleaning his weapon in his tent? The guy who fell out of the back of a truck and cracked his head open and nigh died while on base. Splitting the one and only water line to the base that the Americans had installed and that the Americans had to fix in the middle of the desert. Sticking toilet paper up their asses and lighting it on fire and burning the gently caress out of themselves. Swallowed a whole paper clip earning himself a Blackhawk ride to Baghdad from the middle of the Al Anbar. Lazy beyond measure, didn’t want to touch patients even though we had completed a full hand off and the patient load had dropped a ton before they even got there so it wasn’t really guaranteed they’d get much/good trauma. The shittiest most stuck up attitudes across any military I’ve come across despite never doing anything. The Australians, French, Danish, Norwegians and to a lesser extent the Spanish were all able to bring some combo of good equipment, good supplies, good personnel, good skills, good attitude, except the English who show up with jack poo poo and did jack poo poo. Two deployments, two countries and they never not bitched while using our gear, and our personnel to do their jobs. Like I don’t know how much more I can hammer in how lazy, rude, dumb every one of them I met was. Someohow they are also the biggest braggarts despite them alsmot certainly getting their asses kicked by everyone except maybe Spain. It’s still mind blowing to me how a chunk of Europe and the aussies have their poo poo so much more together than the U.K
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Mar 25, 2019 17:35
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Cenen posted:Empirical evidence Makes me proud 
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Mar 25, 2019 18:56
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Cenen posted:For all of the idiots, issues, and incompetence the U.S military offers on a daily basis I have at least seen it function properly once or twice. The most irredeemable steaming pile of poo poo I have ever seen come together and call itself the military has to be the U.K. Between Wales, England and Scotland I have never seen the U.K military do ANYTHING right. The rest rings about true to my experiences too, unfortunately.
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Mar 25, 2019 18:56
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British army also doesn't give a gently caress about sexism either. Had to give a bunch of British paratroopers a ride to the airport, and their one female medic was mercilessly mocked for being a woman in the couple of hours I was with them.
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Mar 25, 2019 19:12
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Heard a good one yesterday. One of our guys used to be Army Guard. On his Iraq deployment they ended up somewhere where there was a pretty obvious difference between the quality of the facilities between active duty and guard. Mostly because the active units were actually doing some coordination to make sure their stuff wasn't hosed up, and the guard units hadn't. It was an unwritten rule that you don't go and decide to use active's stuff to keep things on an even keel. One of their cooks decided that he didn't feel like listening to that advice and goes to take a shower at an active latrine. Somehow one of the active guys can tell that this other naked guy in the shower doesn't belong their and starts insulting him for being a "nasty girl" and so on. Cook decides the right thing to do is punch this guy in the face, and somehow escapes without getting himself beat up. This earns all of the guard guys on the base several hours worth of briefings about not doing poo poo like that.
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Mar 25, 2019 20:28
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my biggest joy was making fun of active duty for not doing reserve/guard instead
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Mar 25, 2019 20:38
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A Bad Poster posted:British army also doesn't give a gently caress about sexism either. Had to give a bunch of British paratroopers a ride to the airport, and their one female medic was mercilessly mocked for being a woman in the couple of hours I was with them.
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Mar 25, 2019 20:48
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Casimir Radon posted:active latrine. lol, only brainwashed AD people would ever care that much about something in the military.
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Mar 25, 2019 22:58
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DoktorLoken posted:lol, only brainwashed AD people would ever care that much about something in the military. My concern was always less "active duty/guard" and more "don't let the army use it, because they'll loving destroy it"
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Mar 25, 2019 23:03
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WAR CRIME SYNDICAT posted:My concern was always less "active duty/guard" and more "don't let the army use it, because they'll loving destroy it" Truth. The only time I saw worse was when we took over PKA from the Marines. Army is a bunch of poo poo-flinging howler monkeys for sure, but I swear the Marines were doing some kind of Poop Olympics in there.
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Mar 26, 2019 00:36
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Seconding the Gurkha thing. Most of the security guards on the cruise ship I was on were gurkhas and they were pretty bad rear end. We had this tiny gurkha woman of indeterminate age, must have been 95 lbs soaking wet and all of 4’5”. These two American frat bro start making trouble after they had a few too many; she goes to break up the fight and one of them starts giving her attitude. WHAM! I don’t loving know how it’s physically possible, but she’s holding the guy up against a wall by the throat. He’s flaying his feet around and grabbing at his throat like an imperial officer on a disappointing Death Star. “Sir! That is not ok language sir! I need you to calm down, sir! Kindly follow me to security, sir!” Hilarious to hang out with too. But man I’d never get on her bad side.
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Mar 26, 2019 00:50
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'Disappointing Death Star' would be an excellent username if it weren't too long. Also, she sounds rad.
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Mar 26, 2019 00:58
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My second tour, I worked next to the British embassy, which was guarded by PMC Gurka who had all served combat in AFG. They were the nicest, most accidentally terrifying people I have ever met. They move drat near completely silently and would just appear next you walking at night, and I watched one take a running penalty kick at a possible IED.
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Mar 26, 2019 01:06
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bulletsponge13 posted:They move drat near completely silently and would just appear next you walking at night, and I watched one take a running penalty kick at a possible IED. Oh yeah they’re loving ninjas. The bridge of the ship was pretty secure, and on night watch you’d generally jump six feet in the air whenever someone walked in. Except the ghurkas, you’d be plotting something on the radar and suddenly there’s grandpa next to you with his cup of tea asking you how you’re doing. If I ever need body guards, I want ghurkas.
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Mar 26, 2019 01:17
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You do not gently caress with Gurkhas.
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Mar 26, 2019 01:18
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Although I’m not sure if these guys were Gurkhas, I’ve run into a few Nepalese military police serving with the MINUSCA mission in Central African Republic. Nice people to the last but they definitely had an air about them that suggested that it’d be a very bad and short lived decision to try and gently caress with them. Nepal is 100% the top thing on my bucket list. I want to backpack the Annapurna Circuit.
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Mar 26, 2019 01:37
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A Bad Poster posted:British army also doesn't give a gently caress about sexism either. Had to give a bunch of British paratroopers a ride to the airport, and their one female medic was mercilessly mocked for being a woman in the couple of hours I was with them. The Brit contractors I worked with were like this too. They took the standard military homoeroticism to the next level compared to us as well. "Oh yeah mate, this one time we was at the pub in Basra, getting pissed. So someone called 'naked bar.' You Yanks don't know wot that is? Oh, well someone yells 'naked bar' and the last one to get naked has to buy everyone a round. So, someone called 'naked bar' and then this Para comes up to me and says, "Roight mate, let me suck yer cock!" And I says, "Right, go on then!" And the next morning, we were in the RSM's, that's, regimental sergeant major's office, and he's yelling at us, "Oi ought te have you faggots thrown out!" And I says to him, "But sergeant major, it's not gay if you don't enjoy it!"
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Mar 26, 2019 02:07
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I read about the Gurka as a kid, and thought that the bullshit around them had to be exaggerated. Having met a handful, I am certain that it is not. There was an Irishman who worked at the embassy who would share tea with us and the Gurka. He said that he decided to go running with them one morning. He said never again. "The little bastards will just run forever. No matter how fast, they just keep loving running." Fake Edit- Wasn't it the Gurka who all said they were Para qual'd, but weren't, and were completely prepared to jump without chutes?
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Mar 26, 2019 02:10
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Suntan Boy posted:Truth. The only time I saw worse was when we took over PKA from the Marines. Army is a bunch of poo poo-flinging howler monkeys for sure, but I swear the Marines were doing some kind of Poop Olympics in there. There was a big rocky patch of nothing next to the outbound tents at Manas as there are want to be big rocky patches of nothing at most deployed bases and this one marine was walking his bomb dog around when it takes a dump in the middle of this patch of rocks. Like seriously not near anything and completely not noticeable but corporal motivated picks it up (it’s been a long time but I like to imagine he used something and didnt bare hand it just for my own sanity) and walks it into a nearby tent bathroom and just plops this super rancid smelling runny dog poo poo into the trench sink with low water pressure and walks away. Marines is probably not the thinking mans branch.
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Mar 26, 2019 03:04
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UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:I wrote a thing for class and it gave me feelings so allow me to share it with y'all: This story sucks. Not because its badly written or anything, but because its depressing as poo poo.
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Mar 26, 2019 03:15
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The last guy: Ran out of ammo (shot off 400 rounds) Threw 17 grenades Actually got to use a claymore, and killed 2 insurgents with it When all that failed, beat an insurgent to death with his rifle. 
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Mar 26, 2019 03:30
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He wasn’t even Nepalese Gurkha too. I guess he just wanted to fight with the best.
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Mar 26, 2019 03:34
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Even better, it was the tripod mount for his machine gun. Ghurkas are Britain's Imperial Sarduakar.
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Mar 26, 2019 03:36
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Seriously.
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Mar 26, 2019 03:41
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TF CURES GENERATOR posted:This story sucks. lol this is a fond memory of mine
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Mar 26, 2019 04:10
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I'm still trying to figure out which one you were. What happened to the co
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Mar 26, 2019 04:11
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TF CURES GENERATOR posted:I'm still trying to figure out which one you were. I've ignored his Facebook friends request for the past four years so I'm not sure what happened after he got out ETA: He also wasn't at the "reunion" last year so 
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Mar 26, 2019 04:16
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Cenen posted:gently caress the Queen Well, we've found Chuck Yeager's forums account.
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Mar 26, 2019 15:57
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Worth noting that Dipprasad Pun's grandpa is this motherfucker, Tul Bahadur Pun 
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Mar 26, 2019 17:03
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DrAlexanderTobacco posted:Worth noting that Dipprasad Pun's grandpa is this motherfucker, Tul Bahadur Pun quote:Despite the above text, Pun told a different story in an interview.[4] He told that he had killed four with his gun and three with his kukri. Later he took a flamethrower and killed a further 30 Japanese in a dugout. For us, suppressive fire is so we can maneuver around and we can shoot from the flanks. For them, it’s so they can get close enough to start knifing motherfuckers in the middle of a firefight. And also so they can steal a flamethrower when their arms get tired from all the stabbing. I swear the Gurkhas are incarnate.
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Mar 26, 2019 17:19
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There is a story from the Sepoy Mutiny by a British officer leading a unit of Gurkha. He said he had a squad go combat incapable due to laughter, after the lead man lopped off an enemy head with one clean swing of his Kukri.
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Mar 26, 2019 18:40
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There was a Gurkha unit on the Western Front in WW1 that once built entrenchments from dead Germans owing to a lack of anything else. I've never been able to ascertain if they used pre-existing dead Germans or went out to acquire more specially to use for the purpose, and I'm being entirely serious about that.
Vincent Van Goatse fucked around with this message at 19:00 on Mar 26, 2019 |
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Mar 26, 2019 18:55
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Either option is loving metal
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Mar 26, 2019 19:00
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Cenen posted:Sticking toilet paper up their asses and lighting it on fire and burning the gently caress out of themselves. I have a friend who was a squaddie in the TA (UK Army Reserves) tell me about this one. Apparently you get a number of pieces of toilet paper based on your rank (E-1 gets 1, E-2 gets 2, etc.) and when it gets lit you need to down a pint before you can reach back and pull it out. They call it ring of fire. Which is also the name of a “civilian version”. Which does not include burns on your anus. There’s a reason the TA has the reputation it does.
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Mar 26, 2019 19:01
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Building protective perimeters from the dead is not only one of the most metal things ever, but is also one of the older tactics we have record of. It was even trained into Recon guys at Recondo School during VN. Now killing more dudes because that section is a little low is a different beast altogether.
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Mar 26, 2019 20:51
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This may seem like a morbid question, but do they advise how many bodies thick to stack to stop a 7.62?
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Mar 26, 2019 20:54
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Speaking of gurkhas, myths, and idiots:"prospect magzine posted:Based on a purported letter from an unnamed witness, it told of gruesome atrocities perpetrated by the Gurkhas, the British Army’s Nepalese auxiliaries. García Márquez, who had won the Nobel prize for literature the previous year, wrote that the “legendary and ferocious Nepalese decapitators,” wielding “assassins’ scimitars,” beheaded one Argentine prisoner “every seven seconds.” And “because of some strange custom they held up the severed head by the hair and cut off the ears.” The “beasts were so crazed,” García Márquez reported, that “they continued killing the English themselves, until the English had to subdue them with handcuffs.” I really like Gabriel García Márquez btw.
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Mar 26, 2019 20:57
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There’s no honor in killing prisoners so I find it highly unlikely.
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Mar 26, 2019 21:49
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LingcodKilla posted:There’s no honor in killing prisoners so I find it highly unlikely. Unless you arm the prisoner and tell them they can go if they win. I don't know if they did that but it would be pretty 
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