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My wife and I went to a wedding two years ago where guests only brought serious plus ones, but a close friend of the groom’s had been going through some really rough family times so they let him bring his girlfriend of about a month. She showed up late in the reddest shortest dress imaginable and walked behind the altar to get to her seat somehow. People got a little distracted by drinking games during the reception and the DJ was playing music to an empty dance floor except for this one girl who was shaking it like there was no tomorrow. We didn’t stay for the after party but apparently she just got naked appropo of nothing. She seemed fun, nobody was *seriously* scandalized and they are still together, the end.
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Apr 12, 2019 13:32
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We just got troughs for our guests, always room for one more to squeeze in. works for bathrooms at an outdoor wedding too
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Apr 12, 2019 13:49
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I really cannot imagine inviting someone to my wedding but telling them they have to come alone. That’s just super weird, controlling behavior. We eloped, but are having a party/fake reception this summer, it never crossed our mind to select certain friends and family who are worthy of an extra plate and booze.
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Apr 12, 2019 14:02
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The guy probably should've gotten an automatic +1, especially if he's actually that close to the people getting married. But you still have to shut the gently caress up and respect the wishes of the bride and groom because it's such a busy time for them they don't have the time or energy to deal with your petty bullshit. Cutting people is an incredibly difficult and stressful decision and I'm willing to bet there was tons of behind the scenes agonizing over it. We just gave everyone an automatic +1 to avoid the drama. There was drama anyway. Wedding planning sucks. Renegret fucked around with this message at 14:21 on Apr 12, 2019 |
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Apr 12, 2019 14:16
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Comradephate posted:I really cannot imagine inviting someone to my wedding but telling them they have to come alone. That’s just super weird, controlling behavior. While i kinda defended the other side before, I will admit that Americans (not sure about other countires, could be true there too) are super weird about weddings. This really insidious thing of making all weddings about treating brides in particular as royalty has ruined what used to be just kind of fun parties to celebrate two people deciding to spend their lives together. I lived with a couple when they started planning their wedding, and it was awful to watch how easily they went from "we should plan this on the cheap, it'll be more fun and meaningful to us and our friends/family" to "the magazine says if we don't have X, it's going to be a trashy event. I don't care if it cost another 5k!" to "dude 35k is basically nothing for a wedding, you just don't get it". Then the marriage fell apart 4 months after they were married. All this to say, yeah weird and controlling behavior seems to be par for the course here. Weddings have become less a celebration and more contest about who had "the most perfect day". Best wedding I've been to was a on a farm where the bridge grew up, anyone and everyone was invited, bring whoever, and there was a shitload of tasty BBQ and other food.
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Apr 12, 2019 14:39
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We had to give our caterer an exact headcount for meals. For a lot of weddings you can't be like "sure bring whoever, what's one more person?"
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Apr 12, 2019 14:42
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Tater Love 
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Comradephate posted:I really cannot imagine inviting someone to my wedding but telling them they have to come alone. That’s just super weird, controlling behavior. That happened with a cousin's wedding. I'd been dating a guy for two years at that point, and my uncle called my dad asking if my brother or I were in long term relationships apropos invites. My dad said we both were. Invites came, my brother's came with a plus one, mine didn't. I won't bore you with the details but my cousin did call his dad a 'drunk-rear end gently caress-up'.
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Apr 12, 2019 14:47
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Comradephate posted:I really cannot imagine inviting someone to my wedding but telling them they have to come alone. That’s just super weird, controlling behavior. I haven’t even paid for a wedding and I still know this is horseshit. Adding a plus one for every unmarried guest either means inviting fewer friends/family or substantially inflating the total cost. “Controlling” is entirely irrelevant; not inviting plus ones is just a better way of setting limits than not inviting people you want to have there.
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Apr 12, 2019 14:48
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Also I'm really hoping we can skip the monthly "if you spend money on a wedding you're stupid" derail, we can do this people
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Apr 12, 2019 14:48
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epenthesis posted:I haven’t even paid for a wedding and I still know this is horseshit. Yeah, I've been to a couple weddings where the budget was clearly tight and basically unless you had a long standing partner, you didn't get a +1 because they needed some way to keep the count down. Based on the story, that seems like what happened here, since the OP was told she wasn't automatically invited since they just started dating. His friend did his best to resolve the situation by saying they could make it work if it was important to the OP, there's nothing else they can really do.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:01
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We cut costs by not inviting any friends to our wedding. It was also the logical decision since everyone not blood related to us were situated in western PA while the wedding took place in CT. The middle ground for my NY family and his MA family. It still cost a fortune but friends would have nearly doubled the price tag.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:13
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epenthesis posted:I haven’t even paid for a wedding and I still know this is horseshit. I literally JUST paid for my own reception.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:18
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Plus, for the number of people who are married vs. long term relationships vs. new relationships, cutting out the new relationships isn't even going to make that much of an impact. You will be shocked at how many people say no. We budgeted for 130 people, and sent out 185 invites. Everyone automatically got a +1 but we knew some people weren't going to bring anyone, so our worst case scenario was 160 people. We ended up with 115 but our minimum was 125 so at the last second we had to have some really awkward phone calls to friends saying, hey you wanna come to a wedding next week? Hey I know I said no to your teenage kids but, uh, we need warm bodies!
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Apr 12, 2019 15:27
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Renegret posted:Plus, for the number of people who are married vs. long term relationships vs. new relationships, cutting out the new relationships isn't even going to make that much of an impact. Wait what, there's minimums now too? How does that work? But yeah, I know someone who is getting married soon and they sent out like 500 invites but they're only planning for ~350 or so people to actually show up.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:33
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Apropos of nothing else, if you’ve been dating someone for two months and already been on three double-dates with a couple busy planning a wedding, either you’re in a serious relationship or someone isn’t admitting they’re a swinger.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:34
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zakharov posted:Also I'm really hoping we can skip the monthly "if you spend money on a wedding you're stupid" derail, we can do this people
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Apr 12, 2019 15:41
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Dr. S.O. Feelgood posted:Wait what, there's minimums now too? How does that work? We haggled pretty hard with the hall and they agreed to lower the price if we could guarantee 125 people. All that meant is that if we had less than that, then we would've paid for empty seats. So we didn't necessarily need to fill in those last couple seats, but we were paying for them anyway and who doesn't like a good wedding? PSA: Haggle with your wedding venue. We saved a fortune.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:44
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I work in the wedding industry, and attend 40-50 weddings per year. It is totally abnormal to invite your friends' 2 month old flings if you can't afford to do blanket +1's. Blanket +1's are also abnormal unless both the bride and groom have very small/distant families. It's also likely this guy is an unreliable narrator and the couple knows that the relationship won't last, which is why the guy is being so defensive about it. Xombie fucked around with this message at 16:02 on Apr 12, 2019 |
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Apr 12, 2019 15:49
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Xombie posted:I work in the wedding industry, and attend 40-50 weddings per year. It is totally abnormal to invite your friends' 2 month old flings if you can't afford to do blanket +1's. Blanket +1's are also abnormal unless both the bride and groom have very small/distant families. Ban this war criminal.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:52
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Yeah my mom has eight siblings who were all invited with their families, there's no way we could have done a blanket plus one. The curse of a large but close extended family.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:53
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AmiYumi posted:Apropos of nothing else, if you’ve been dating someone for two months and already been on three double-dates with a couple busy planning a wedding, either you’re in a serious relationship or someone isn’t admitting they’re a swinger. He says they've met twice? Also it's not that hard to get dinner with friends 2-3 times in 2 months, wedding planning isn't a 24/7 job.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:54
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Renegret posted:PSA: Haggle with your wedding venue. We saved a fortune. This is actually not usually a good idea, since wedding venues in major markets book out sometimes years in advance, and it's a great way to get pegged as a problem client.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:54
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Renegret posted:PSA: Haggle with your wedding venue. We saved a fortune. Unless you're getting married at an outdoor swim club in January this is a terrible idea.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:55
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Xombie posted:This is actually not usually a good idea, since wedding venues in major markets book out sometimes years in advance, and it's a great way to get pegged as a problem client. We booked 6 months in advance and they were desperate to just fill the date with something.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:58
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Renegret posted:We booked 6 months in advance and they were desperate to just fill the date with something. Where do you live? This would not be the case for any remotely desirable venue in a city.
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Apr 12, 2019 15:59
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Renegret posted:We booked 6 months in advance and they were desperate to just fill the date with something. Yes if you have a lovely venue that never does weddings, you can sometimes negotiate. If you have a good wedding venue they can just turn you down. If they were still free 6 months in advance, there's either very low demand for the venue or someone cancelled and is paying for that date anyway.
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Apr 12, 2019 16:00
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I'm so glad I got married at a camp in the woods and had my religious community do all the food. gently caress agonizing over spending thousands of dollars on a venue you have to book two years in advance.
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Apr 12, 2019 16:02
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therobit posted:I'm so glad I got married at a camp in the woods and had my religious community do all the food. gently caress agonizing over spending thousands of dollars on a venue you have to book two years in advance. Surprisingly enough, some people want things that you don't want. Weird! For instance, campsite weddings are always the most inconvenient for guests and so are actually hell-weddings compared to a normal venue. Even destination weddings are better than weddings where you make your guests drive into the woods to attend. Xombie fucked around with this message at 16:06 on Apr 12, 2019 |
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Apr 12, 2019 16:03
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If there's one thing women in heels love it's soft, uneven terrain
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Apr 12, 2019 16:06
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Comradephate posted:I literally JUST paid for my own reception. Congratulations, I hope both of your friends had a terrific time. 
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Apr 12, 2019 16:09
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If you don't want to spend money on a venue, the best place to have a wedding is, unequivocally, someone's large backyard. You can rent a floor and tent, and there is no closing time for the bar. Also: A cash bar is worse than a dry wedding. People expect a teetotaler, but are blindsided by a cheapskate. Xombie fucked around with this message at 16:15 on Apr 12, 2019 |
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Apr 12, 2019 16:10
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Xombie posted:Also: A cash bar is worse than a dry wedding. People expect a teetotaler, but are blindsided by a cheapskate. The gall of a cash bar wedding. Just, how dare you.
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Apr 12, 2019 16:12
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AITA for choosing my cousin and friends over my family for a trip i won to Japan? So I participated in the genius olympiad (a science comp.) and didn't win the best prize but won me a 2-way air ticket to japan for me plus 3. So I decided that those plus 3 would me my cousin and 2 of my good friends. My parents and sister are furious I didn't chose them after they offered to pay for the hotel. But I denied as I was once false accused of physical harassment of a girl when I was in high school ( the girl's cool dad took back the charges and confessed publicly that the girl was depressed and wanted attention) and no one but my friends and cousin believed me that i was innocent. Even my sister said at that time, "You are a dirty shitbag and I know you must have hurt her" . They apologized and were very sorry, but i mean you must have trust in your son and brother, and its too late for them to get my respect anymore. AITA ? Edit:- A lot of you saying that they should understand that trip with friends is a lot more fun. I totally agree with you. The only reason they expected it to be them was that they argued that none of my friends even came to look at my project during the competition while they did. But they sure are entitled. Also it may seem like my sister was too harsh, actually she was going through a breakup which I caused ( the boyfriend used to call me every night at midnight cause my sister was not allowed to keep her phone at night, which angered him and I told him to never loving call again , which he never did plus he broke up ) but yeah, it was a bit harsh.
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Apr 12, 2019 16:13
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I went to a dry wedding at a winery once. That was pretty hosed up.
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Apr 12, 2019 16:15
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My [23M] Girlfriend [23F] got mad at me and is ghosting me because after 2 hours of dirty talking I sent her the live video of the Falcon Heavy launch and she got dry. I know this might sound super stupid, but the title is a good summary of what happened. We were dirty talking for almost 2 hours and having fun. We are both pretty dirty and sexual so it’s nothing too unusual for us even if this time was pretty long. At the same time we are also BIG fan of space and space exploration. So I just sent her the link of the launch of Falcon Heavy which happened yesterday. I thought it was something cool to share with her. Well as soon as she saw that she told me she got dry, that she is mad at me and that I care more about space than her (totally not true, I have done and love her so much). Ok, I can “kind of” see her point but I thought she would be over it pretty soon. Well I was wrong, I tried to text her today and she just answered “I am mad” and then ghosted me for the rest od the day. Am I crazy or is she overreacting? She gets mad easily, that’s true, but she is making me suffer a lot for nothing I think. What should I do? Our relationship is great otherwise. TL;DR Girlfriend very mad because I "interrupted" our dirty talking even if I thought it was for something cool (even for her)
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Apr 12, 2019 16:17
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Wedding chat: as I mentioned my mom has a large family. My dad does not. To avoid drama we invited several of his close friends whom I kinda know but not really. Dad gets up to give a speech. We had warned him it had to be less than 7 minutes which is already pretty long. By minute five we realize he is taking the time to thank every single one of "his" guests for coming and talk about why they're special. He hasn't mentioned us yet. How long was his speech. Twenty-five minutes. I am not exaggerating. I believe that is a record.
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Apr 12, 2019 16:17
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My public speaking prof told me: 120 seconds or less, that's what anyone has the patience for in these things
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Apr 12, 2019 16:19
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zakharov posted:Wedding chat: as I mentioned my mom has a large family. My dad does not. To avoid drama we invited several of his close friends whom I kinda know but not really. 
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Apr 12, 2019 16:19
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christmas boots posted:I went to a dry wedding at a winery once. That was pretty hosed up.
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Apr 12, 2019 16:20
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christmas boots posted:I went to a dry wedding at a winery once. That was pretty hosed up. I went to (was in, actually) a wedding at a farm you had to drive up a gravel mountain road to get to. No shuttle. Fall. Zero warning that it was outside. So they created conditions where anyone driving would be afraid to have even one drink thanks to the drift course they'd have to Ace to get back to the hotel. To make matters worse, the only drinks available to guests were red or white wine that had really obviously gotten warmed and refrigerated at some point. Hilariously, that wedding made the cover of a local magazine. The scenery was nice. I was roommates with the groom for three years in college and we were groomsmen in each others weddings about four months apart. Pretty much faded out of each other's lives after that. No conflict or anything, just no reason to be close anymore. Weddings are funny like that - they tend to be grand finales for friendships from your youth in addition to everything else.
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Apr 12, 2019 16:21
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