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La Brea Carpet posted:Help reddit my girlfriend's ex has a penis so huge the UN has filled it with all human knowledge and the genomes of thousands of species and launched it into the universe as a life ark in case we become extinct.
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May 13, 2019 21:53
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if u try space docking with the black hole dick does it strech out your dick to infinitely unfathomable lengths? a. . asking for a friend.
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May 13, 2019 22:00
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:if u try space docking with the black hole dick does it strech out your dick to infinitely unfathomable lengths? Where we're going we don't need a meatus!
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May 13, 2019 22:02
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FactsAreUseless posted:[Bob Page and Walton Simons having a conversation in front of the Versa-Life statue of your girlfriend's ex's dick] His dick. The growth is intensifying to the point where we may not be able to contain it. Why contain it? Let it spill over into the schools and churches, let the jizz pile up in the streets. In the end, they'll beg to touch it.
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May 13, 2019 22:09
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Hello Reddit, you are the only ones I can turn to. What I have seen has made me question the very nature of reality itself. Now, first, a bit about me. I'm your average guy, happily married, and, I thought, very secure regarding the size of my enormous genitalia. My penis is the 16 inch gun that comprises the main armament of the Iowa class battleship. It is 66.6 feet long from breechface to muzzle and is 239,000 pounds of solid American steel. It's capable of firing a 2,700 pound projectile up to 24 miles. And even though it requires a crew of 79 men to operate, I thought it was capable of satisfying my wife, mother of my children, who is perfect in every way for me and, she told me, a virgin before we met. So imagine my shock and dismay, how appalled and horrified I was, by what I saw this weekend. It was Mother's day, and I had just been celebrating with my lovely, faithful, and utterly satisfied wife, mother of our beautiful children, when my life was changed forever. I read a scientific article that featured the latest Hubble deep field images. I was unnerved to discover that the images from the deep-space telescope revealed that the object at the center of our galaxy, the Milky Way, is not, in fact, a supermassive black hole, but instead is my Wife's ex's incomprehensibly huge penis, around which the entirety of our stellar neighborhood revolves. The Hubble has revealed to the entire world graphic images of my wife writhing in a state of transcendent ecstasy resulting from a cosmic-scale penetration that is truly terrifying to contemplate. I am now disheartened, confused and unnerved. I have ascended to godhood as the avatar of wounded male pride, but how can I possibly resolve this cosmological conundrum? Should I talk to her about it?
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May 13, 2019 22:15
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chitoryu12 posted:
Sounds like somebody knows how to party!
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May 13, 2019 22:22
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Girlfriend of 4 years (8 years off and on) is going out to dinner with a guy friend. I need help. My long time girlfriend works at a daycare and takes care of the 2 year olds. One of the (single) dads of one of her kids she takes care of has talked to her since they met. They're friends and I've met him a couple times, he knows we're together. This particular dad has attempted to get with almost every single teacher in her whole school and is currently pursuing (aggressively) one of the new teachers. According to my girlfriend he's never talked that way to her or made any moves or hit on her, and she is "1000% not attracted to him in any way and never would be". She is extremely adamant that she would never in a million years want him, and I believe her. She asked me recently if it would be ok for her to go get dinner with this guy and his now 3 year old son. Like I've said, he's extremely into one of the other teachers at her school and has (supposedly) never shown interest in my girlfriend, but I'm worried still. I told her that I was concerned because I just don't think it's ok for a guy and girl to go out to dinner with each other alone like that personally... Ultimately I told her I was ok with it and that I trust her. They're supposed to be going out tonight. I should mention, I'm out of state currently for this whole week and she asked me last week about it and said she was going to ask him if he wanted to go today Monday. So she asked specifically to go to dinner with him while I'm out of town... Am I just reading too much into this for no reason or am I crazy? Should I tell her I'd rather them go out while I'm home? Need some help.
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May 13, 2019 22:22
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Power Khan posted:Girlfriend of 4 years (8 years off and on) is going out to dinner with a guy friend. I need help. Well, if you're in an open relationship then that's not a problem! If you're not in an open relationship and your partner starts dating someone else, it's on you to PETE UP and dump them edit: Also, maybe I'm just old fashioned, but whatever happened to just cheating behind someone's back? Like, what's with the whole "I know we are in a committed, monogamous relationship, but I'm not only going to bang other people, I'm going to date them & do other romantic things and tell you about it. but not admit that I have some sort of problem with you or our relationship. I dare you to do anything about it!" ? We see this in so many of these posts, what is so edifying for them? Like, is it getting away with the blatant disrespect that's fun? Vim Fuego fucked around with this message at 22:27 on May 13, 2019 |
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May 13, 2019 22:24
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Power Khan posted:Girlfriend of 4 years (8 years off and on) is going out to dinner with a guy friend. I need help. A few years ago I was in Nashville for work and a female friend from college was teaching at Vanderbilt so I thought I'd call her up and let my company buy her dinner but I mentioned it to my wife and she thought that was super inappropriate. It wasn't, I had no designs on her at all but you know what? I didn't argue with her, I just didn't do it. She's stuck at home with a baby, if she wants to be irrational that's her perogative.
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May 13, 2019 22:30
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:why, it's not like he was carbombing your dad's truck Lmao ikr. I mentioned playing some pool with him one time within earshot of my dad and he said 'what the gently caress are you doing hanging around with him' and literally pouted
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May 13, 2019 22:33
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Idk what, but the dude literally is chasing all the teachers there, with varying degrees of intensity. For some reason she thinks, it's a good idea to get to know him better.
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May 13, 2019 22:37
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I know it's fake, but I don't get the logic behind the huge dick fantasizer. So his gf couldn't get her mouth around the ex's dick. So the ex didn't get any blowjobs. Possibly not even had PIV sex either. Why is that a good thing?
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May 13, 2019 22:44
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I did actually know someone who broke up with a dude because his dick was too big and they couldn't find ways to gently caress without extreme pain. Apparently he was really sad and said it wasn't the first time it had happened to him. Curse of the big dick.
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May 13, 2019 22:48
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https://www.amazon.com/How-Live-Huge-Penis-Meditations/dp/1594743061
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May 13, 2019 22:56
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i like nice words
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Vim Fuego posted:Hello Reddit, you are the only ones I can turn to. What I have seen has made me question the very nature of reality itself. Now, first, a bit about me. I'm your average guy, happily married, and, I thought, very secure regarding the size of my enormous genitalia. My penis is the 16 inch gun that comprises the main armament of the Iowa class battleship. It is 66.6 feet long from breechface to muzzle and is 239,000 pounds of solid American steel. It's capable of firing a 2,700 pound projectile up to 24 miles. And even though it requires a crew of 79 men to operate, I thought it was capable of satisfying my wife, mother of my children, who is perfect in every way for me and, she told me, a virgin before we met. 5
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May 13, 2019 23:02
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Vim Fuego posted:Hello Reddit, you are the only ones I can turn to. What I have seen has made me question the very nature of reality itself. Now, first, a bit about me. I'm your average guy, happily married, and, I thought, very secure regarding the size of my enormous genitalia. My penis is the 16 inch gun that comprises the main armament of the Iowa class battleship. It is 66.6 feet long from breechface to muzzle and is 239,000 pounds of solid American steel. It's capable of firing a 2,700 pound projectile up to 24 miles. And even though it requires a crew of 79 men to operate, I thought it was capable of satisfying my wife, mother of my children, who is perfect in every way for me and, she told me, a virgin before we met. i hate it when that happens
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May 13, 2019 23:10
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This might not be fully related to coke-can boner but my girlfriend has really big tits and is really skinny and if she catches me watching porn with a skinnier woman who has bigger boobs she gets kinda catty and a little butthurt. She doesn’t care about butt, lips, thighs, anything else but any woman I notice with bigger boobs makes her weirdly insecure, even if the rest of the woman is kind of a train wreck. I always assumed it would be wrong to draw comparisons between how men view their dicks vs how women view their boobs but maybe it’s not so crazy after all?
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May 13, 2019 23:11
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Vim Fuego posted:Like, is it getting away with the blatant disrespect that's fun?
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May 13, 2019 23:11
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Bust Rodd posted:This might not be fully related to coke-can boner but my girlfriend has really big tits and is really skinny and if she catches me watching porn with a skinnier woman who has bigger boobs she gets kinda catty and a little butthurt. She doesn’t care about butt, lips, thighs, anything else but any woman I notice with bigger boobs makes her weirdly insecure, even if the rest of the woman is kind of a train wreck. How the gently caress are you getting caught watching porn often enough to ascertain her preferences
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May 13, 2019 23:22
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tactlessbastard posted:How the gently caress are you getting caught watching porn often enough to ascertain her preferences
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May 13, 2019 23:28
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Bust Rodd posted:This might not be fully related to coke-can boner but my girlfriend has really big tits and is really skinny and if she catches me watching porn with a skinnier woman who has bigger boobs she gets kinda catty and a little butthurt. She doesn’t care about butt, lips, thighs, anything else but any woman I notice with bigger boobs makes her weirdly insecure, even if the rest of the woman is kind of a train wreck. I can’t imagine why the girlfriend of someone who calls the women be jacks off to “trainwrecks” (or “the rest of them” anyway) would be insecure about her body lol.
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May 13, 2019 23:32
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Blade Runner posted:I was a sailor and I drive to work in NYC every day and so you can imagine the horrifying things that I have let loose from my throat at other people, but I have to date managed to not threaten to rape anyone or screamed any racial slurs at people Nice try, pal.
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May 13, 2019 23:35
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MasBrillante posted:I can’t imagine why the girlfriend of someone who calls the women be jacks off to “trainwrecks” (or “the rest of them” anyway) would be insecure about her body lol. Dude come on if I can’t objectify the women in porn who the gently caress can I objectify, Jesus Christ what the hell
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May 13, 2019 23:39
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Bust Rodd posted:Dude come on if I can’t objectify the women in porn who the gently caress can I objectify, Jesus Christ what the hell Twitch streamers
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May 13, 2019 23:50
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I'm p sure dicks and boobs have been compared before ITT with bringing size up to your partner being a self destruct button for your relationship.
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May 13, 2019 23:54
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Bust Rodd posted:Dude come on if I can’t objectify the women in porn who the gently caress can I objectify, Jesus Christ what the hell I’m not telling you to do or not do anything. Just making an observation.
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May 14, 2019 00:19
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welcome to hell posted:Can I legally fire an employee who is going on strike? (self.LegalAdviceUK) submitted 1 year ago by Strikeactionemployer I've never been more turned on in my life. 
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May 14, 2019 00:21
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Once you see they made underwear to give you the impression of fat cameltoe I knew there was no depth to which you could not bodyshame someone
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May 14, 2019 00:27
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tactlessbastard posted:A few years ago I was in Nashville for work and a female friend from college was teaching at Vanderbilt so I thought I'd call her up and let my company buy her dinner but I mentioned it to my wife and she thought that was super inappropriate. lol so wait, you noticed a social excursion indistinguishable from a date made your spouse and coparent uncomfortable, and then you prioritized not making the next most important person in your life after your kids uncomfortable???? e: it's always extremely jarring to see normal-rear end healthy behavior discussed itt Cactus Ghost fucked around with this message at 00:38 on May 14, 2019 |
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May 14, 2019 00:36
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yeah lol that doesn't sound irrational to me at all
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May 14, 2019 00:42
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OMGVBFLOL posted:lol so wait, you noticed a social excursion indistinguishable from a date made your spouse and coparent uncomfortable, and then you prioritized not making the next most important person in your life after your kids uncomfortable???? Yeah it was way out of character
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May 14, 2019 00:43
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Fetish fuel AITA for threatening to shrink my little sister? quote:I am a 20 year old girl who lives on her own, but in the same area as my family. I have a 5 year old half-sister (same mom, different dads) who I am asked to babysit a lot. I love her a lot, but she is very spoiled and her behavior when she’s all alone with me can often get quite terrible. She doesn’t give me any respect or view me as any type of authority when she’s in my care. She seems fearless; but just not too long ago, I found out one thing I canscare her with, and make her do I as I say.
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May 14, 2019 00:44
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OP's not even trying to hide writing that one-handed
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May 14, 2019 00:59
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Really quite dismayed how thoroughly vore has escaped the Furry-Otherkin Fetish Containment Field. Though tbh I'd be willing to let a cruel goth mistress crush my head with her enormous muscled thighs so maybe we all seek the void in our own ways.
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May 14, 2019 01:05
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tactlessbastard posted:Yeah it was way out of character as long as you made up for it by jeffing off to the thought of your wife and coparent getting mashed in the face by a dick the size of a christmas ham
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May 14, 2019 01:05
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OMGVBFLOL posted:as long as you made up for it by jeffing off to the thought of your wife and coparent getting mashed in the face by a dick the size of a christmas ham I like "jeffing off" as a term for "jacking off, but sadder"
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May 14, 2019 01:09
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Antivehicular posted:I like "jeffing off" as a term for "jacking off, but sadder"
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May 14, 2019 01:20
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:TFW you want to ban someone but you don't want them to know that you're mad Just ask an admin.
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May 14, 2019 01:30
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Ingredients list: awkwardness, harassment, cancerquote:Q. Dying friend’s naughty sexting husband: I am a woman in my early 30s in an artistic freelance service job and I routinely communicate with clients via text. Early in my career, I became friends with a woman I completely adored. We spent a lot of time together before having children and our lives drifted apart, but we stayed in touch through social media. A few years ago, her husband began contacting me through texts under the ruse of a professional project but quickly turned the conversation to sexually explicit suggestions. I was extremely uncomfortable as I’ve always felt a deep friendship-type love for his wife and wanted nothing to do with his nasty suggestions. I didn’t tell her because I didn’t want to cause problems and simply laughed him off and told him I’m only available to discuss art projects. I wish I had told him to eat poo poo, and then forwarded the texts to his wife.
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May 14, 2019 01:37
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DemoneeHo posted:AITA for telling my kid I would help him get a Switch if he can beat Ocarina of Time? Distant past, but I had to quote this. This post is cute as hell and dad owns and dads friend's need to go gently caress themselves.
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May 14, 2019 01:56
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