quote:

For the past two years my husband Harry and I have struggled with infertility. As a teen I dealt with an STD that could have affected my ability to have children. For that reason, and because Harry said his sperm count was fine, I have always blamed myself for our inability to conceive. We’ve kept our struggle with infertility very quiet. Thankfully, our families have never pressed us about when we’re going to have kids. Last week I broke down to my wonderful mother-in-law about how difficult this experience has been. She frowned at me then said, “Harry reversed his vasectomy, then?” I was shocked, because Harry never mentioned having a vasectomy to me, but apparently he had one as a young man. When I spoke to Harry he admitted that he hasn’t reversed the vasectomy and that he wasn’t sure he wanted kids. He thought if we tried for long enough and never conceived I’d eventually give up trying. He’s apologetic, because he never realized how much I blamed myself for our infertility. He has offered to have his vasectomy reversed or to adopt a child to make his lie up to me. My best friend thinks Harry’s a sociopath, though, and that I should divorce him for being incredibly cruel. I’m in shock, devastated, have no idea what to do.

quote:

I just looked up “sociopath” and here’s the definition: “(Noun)—A man who allows his wife to despair that she’s infertile when he’s secretly had a vasectomy. (Synonym)—Harry.”

Thank goodness you spilled to your mother-in-law and she spilled that Harry can never spill his seed. What you should do is run to the best matrimonial lawyer in town. Make an appointment today. You are only two years into this sham marriage and if you end it, perhaps can find someone who is not a pathological liar and manipulator with whom you can have children. The fact that a single man would get a vasectomy, then marry a woman who wanted to have children and let her believe there was something wrong with her makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I don’t see how you can share another meal or your bed with this monstrous person. Get out now.

quote:

Twenty-five years ago, my husband and I adopted our son because we believed that we were sterile. Not even a few months into the process, I learned that I was pregnant. Our son is 26, our daughter is 24. I had long thought it was suspicious how upset either of them would get when an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend were mentioned. Now I know why: a family friend saw them kissing in public. They finally admitted it to me and explained that even though they were raised as brother and sister, the fact that they knew they were not blood-related prevented them from seeing each other that way. They’ve been dating for five years, they are engaged, and they are planning to marry. How do I deal with this information? Is it even legal?

quote:

This will certainly reduce the friction between the bride and groom’s family for wedding-planning purposes! And you’ll never have to share holiday visits with the in-laws when the grandchildren come along. A few months ago I had a letter from a gay man in an incestuous relationship with his twin brother. They wanted to know if they should reveal their relationship to their family (I said no), but at least they had no plans to marry, even though they lived in a state that allowed gay unions. It’s true your children are not biologically related, so the genetic reason for barring sibling unions wouldn’t apply to them. Still, my legal training (which consists of a quick trip around Google) indicates that no matter that your children do not share DNA, they are legal siblings and sibling marriage appears to be illegal.

It’s one thing to marry the girl next door. It’s another to marry the girl down the hall. Obviously, there is something shudder-inducing about your children’s revelation. They are shattering a very deep taboo. At the least, they (or you, if they won’t) need to consult with an attorney about the legal implications of their situation. Since they’ve opened up to you, you have to be open with them and explain you find their news deeply disturbing. Maybe they would agree that all four of you see a counselor together. If they intend to become each other’s intended (even if they can’t actually tie the knot) all of you are going to have to figure out how to deal with this very tangled skein.

quote:

My boyfriend and I have been together about 18 months now, and I foresee us having a long future together. Things have been great, but it looks like there will be a prickly issue once a year—my birthday, which is coming up in a few weeks, happens to be the same exact date as his mother’s. Last year, our birthday fell on a weeknight, and I had dinner and planned an activity with friends (including my boyfriend). His mom lives about an hour away, so he had dinner with her and gave her a gift that weekend, and all was well. This year our birthdays fall during the weekend, and my boyfriend has informed me that his mother has planned a big party for her birthday, even though it is not a milestone birthday. It will involve over 25 family members and a fish fry. As a strict vegetarian, I do not eat fish. I have been invited, but clearly will not be co-guest-of-honor. My boyfriend said he will take me out for dinner the next night to celebrate my birthday. I know I am past the age where birthdays should be important, but I can’t help but feeling that his mother is making a power play, as she is well aware that it is also my birthday and I don’t eat fish. I am also feeling like my boyfriend is picking his mother over me, since I apparently will not get to celebrate my birthday at all until the next day. Am I just being selfish or are my feelings warranted? What should I do about it?

quote:

Mom’s throwing herself what sounds like a fun party and that’s great. Your boyfriend should remind her that it’s your birthday, too, so he’s going to raise a glass to you after the birthday cake arrives. But since you’re all adults, surely you are able to put off your private celebration until the next night. In addition, his mother is not required to have a tofu fry to accommodate you. I’m certain there will be plenty of side dishes in addition to fish so that you won’t be in danger of starving to death on your special day. This party is only a power play if you make it one.

Hughlander posted:

After reading the update the part that gets me the most is that in effect the dad doubled down on it. He was at the prom, he could have apologized or done some damage control but watching the kid after his own daughter probably had a meltdown over it really shows what a piece of poo poo he was. It wasn't a joke to him that went too far, he thought he was in the right.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

DemoneeHo posted:

Adopted Son Engaged to Biological Daughter:

DemoneeHo posted:

Adopted Son Engaged to Biological Daughter:

Clark Nova posted:

I don't think walking away like that was unfair to the girl either because she's going to have to learn to establish some boundaries with psycho gun dad if she ever wants to date people who aren't just like him

MightyJoe36 posted:

If you need a gun to show what a badass you are to intimidate your daughter's dates, you aren't much of a badass.

quote:

I have 3 older siblings, two sisters who are 28, and my older brother, Chris, who is 26 (I am the youngest child at 16). Three years ago our Dad died of cancer, after a pretty rough battle. Being 11 when my Dad got sick I remember it being a pretty scary time, not always understanding what was happening; but the one thing I always knew was that Chris was there for me. Obviously it was also a very difficult time for Chris, but he really looked out for me during that time. And Chris has continued to be the same, great guy and awesome big brother to this day.

So, three weekends ago I went to a party, drank too much, and I got drunk for third time in my life. I called Chris and asked him if he could come get me when I wanted to leave and my friends (one of which was our designated driver who was sober) wanted to stay. Chris came to pick me up, worried that I was going to get in a car with a drunk driver if he didn't. The next day he lectured me on my 'drinking problem', and getting into cars with drunk drivers. Things got heated, because I felt like he was assuming a lot: because I'm a junior in high school and I've only drank three times at parties which I feel is pretty normal, and I wasn't going to get in a car with a drunk driver, my DD was completely sober, so I feel like I was more responsible than he was giving me credit for. But yes, I was drunk enough to think calling him at 10pm out of the blue to pick me up because i was tired was a good idea.

And then two weeks ago Chris found out I quit the soccer team. He started lecturing me on commitments, and talking about how I need to be doing an extracurricular for college, and I shouldn't just quite because of laziness. And then things got heated, and he started talking about my 'drinking problem' again, and then talking about my room being messy and then we were really arguing and he was accusing me of being disrespectful and then I hosed up...

I lost it and told Chris he wasn't my Dad and I didnt need him lecturing me, and how he thinks he could replace Dad but he'll never be half the man Dad was. I was mad and just looking for something mean to say. Chris left my room, and about 30mins later came back in and apologized for overstepping. It was clear that he had been crying, but I was still mad and couldn't bring myself to apologize even though I knew that I should and that I didnt mean what I said. Chris left and went back to his place and we didn't talk for three days. Three days later I finally did the right thing and texted him a heartfelt apology for what I had done and said, thanked him for always caring enough to be there for me, and told him I spoke with the coach about rejoining the soccer team. He texted back hours later "thank you, that means a lot."

Since that time we've only spoke sporadically over text, whereas we use to speak all day. I've asked him if he wants to hang out, and he's always busy or he says maybe tomorrow and then when I text him the next day he doesn't reply until it's too late. Chris has come to every soccer game I've had over the past couple of years, but he's missed the last two. I have apologized again by text (I would do it in person but I haven't seen him since our fight, whereas normally I see him a couple times a week). One of our things has been going to see marvel new releases together, I asked him if he wants to go next weekend and he said his girlfriend surprised him and took him this weekend. So i replied back "ok, maybe we can do something else together? i'd love to hang with you, I miss you". No reply yet.

I know what I said was completely hosed up and wrong. Besides being a very mean thing to say, it's not true at all, he's great. I understand why he's upset, and i know it's my fault, but now I dont know how to make things better. Chris was overbearing at times, but I would give anything to go back to that right now. is there anything more i can do to fix this?

TL;DR got into a fight with my older brother a couple of weeks ao because i felt like he was trying to 'parent' me. We got into a argument and I told him that he'll never be the man the our deceased father was. this hurt my brother's feelings, and things havent been the same since.

quote:

someone advised me that i write my brother a letter apologizing, which i did. i apologized for being mean and hurtful, and that I was wrong for doing that. i also got him a separate card and wrote a message thanking him for everything he's done for me. I went to his house with my letter and card when I found out he was home to go talk to him, but unfortunately when I got there he was gone already, so I slid them under the door.

When he got back home he found them and read them, and then he called me to arrange to come see me. He came over here and I apologized in person for what I said. He was very straightforward with me and honest about my actions. He explained that the reason he had been avoiding me lately is because he needed some time apart because he was beginning not to like me. He said loved me, but I he didn't want to be around me sometimes.

That was pretty hard to hear. He said that lately I've just been not very nice, the comment about our Dad was by far the worst, but I make other snappy comments. He had tried to brush it off as me being 'just as teenager', but had now decided it was best to let me know. "Being a teenager is not an excuse to be a constant rear end in a top hat to everybody at home", is how he put it. He gave a few examples and looking back he was absolutely right.

It was pretty upsetting to hear. I know he wasn't saying it to upset me, and I was thankful that he was telling me (or at least I'm thankful now). I promised that I would check my attitude, he said a little more thoughtfulness was all I needed, and that even though sometimes I act like an rear end in a top hat he knows I'm not one. After we finished talking we hugged, he told me not to forget that he loves me and that I'm great.

Since then I've been trying to be more considerate. I really am trying to follow the advice he gave me. It's been a couple months now, and I'm happy to say that it's working. Our mom told me a couple weeks ago that Im a joy to be around. In the car earlier today my brother told me that its been really nice spending time with me lately. so thats good news.

TL;DR apologized to my brother for the terrible thing I said to him. he warned me that I was turning into someone that he didn't want to be around, even though he loved me. i've worked on fixing my attitude over the past two months, and today my brother told me its nice to hang out with me these days.

chitoryu12 posted:

I [16M] got into an argument with my older brother [26M] and told him he'll never measure up to our deceased father


update: I [16M] got into an argument with my older brother [26M] and told him he'll never measure up to our deceased father

Power Khan posted:

Should I break off my engagement over a "prank"
a disclaimer: I am extremely emotional, and especially furious over this.
.

chitoryu12 posted:

I [16M] got into an argument with my older brother [26M] and told him he'll never measure up to our deceased father


update: I [16M] got into an argument with my older brother [26M] and told him he'll never measure up to our deceased father

luxury handset posted:

pulling a gun and standing Watch over your child's Virtue is just plain creepy and a terrible dynamic rooted in a lot of toxic ideas, agreed this dude is a piece of poo poo

chitoryu12 posted:

I [16M] got into an argument with my older brother [26M] and told him he'll never measure up to our deceased father


update: I [16M] got into an argument with my older brother [26M] and told him he'll never measure up to our deceased father

Bust Rodd posted:

Finding out your children are in love and married is both deeply hosed up and also a stunning indictment of your terrible parenting.

How divorced from your children’s lives are you that your 21 year old son and 19 year old daughter start hooking up and keep hooking up for 5 years and you don’t know what’s going on?

Teabag Dome Scandal posted:

It's super fun constantly making GBS threads on the internet as being a cesspool of stupidity because it's mostly true but it's also undeniable that young people having a place to go and ask a neutral third party how to navigate interpersonal problems when they're genuinely trying to be introspective is something I think previous generations could have seriously benefited from. This could have easily turned into a self perpetuating cycle of resentment between that kid and his older brother because he didn't understand what was happening and so he continued to act out and justified his brothers decision to step back. Maybe he would have grown out of being a dickish teenager but at that point his relationship with his older brother that he clearly values a great deal could have been irreparably harmed.

Resting Lich Face posted:

I wanna know how old the kid was when adopted. The whole "sibling icky" thing develops quite early so if they were adopted past early childhood age it kinda makes more sense how it happened.

Vim Fuego posted:

Yes, it's also illegal

Resting Lich Face posted:

I wanna know how old the kid was when adopted. The whole "sibling icky" thing develops quite early so if they were adopted past early childhood age it kinda makes more sense how it happened.

Bust Rodd posted:

Finding out your children are in love and married is both deeply hosed up and also a stunning indictment of your terrible parenting.

How divorced from your children’s lives are you that your 21 year old son and 19 year old daughter start hooking up and keep hooking up for 5 years and you don’t know what’s going on?

Zore posted:

They were pregnant with the daughter when the kid was adopted and he's less than 2 years older than her so...

Its super loving gross and those kids really should and go no contact.

quote:

The next few days were spent in a sort of waiting mode, just trying to keep busy. When Dan did call again, it wasn't to apologize or explain. He called to confirm that we wouldn't be at the wedding. When he said he was just confirming that we would not be at the wedding, and that they needed to know for "the plates," tears slid down my cheeks. I was his mother, diminished to a number on a catering order.

quote:

As we drove up his street, I had this whole fantasy in my head about a tearful reunion. Unfortunately, it didn't go that way. He was really guarded, and so were we. It was awkward, and Dan ended up rushing off. As he was jogging to his car I said, "I'm going to cry every day for the rest of my life."

13Pandora13 posted:

Today in "Unreliable as gently caress Narrators": https://www.elledecor.com/life-culture/a27558969/sheri-mcgregor-estrangement-mother-son/


...so she said she wasn't coming unless XYZ, right? And he called to confirm she was sticking to her guns on that?


Nope, definitely not a manipulative narcissist at all!

FoolyCharged posted:

No he left her for no reason and it definitely wasn't her fault. Did you not read the article? She would welcome him back with open arms if he gave her the chance.

Except when he gave her one last chance to come to his wedding. He could get hosed then.

Llab posted:

Reading between the lines, sounds like the mother did something at the bridal shower that she mentioned in all of one line, which was probably just one of many many incidents, and the son and fiancé finally had enough.

MasBrillante posted:

These are the pictures she uses for the story:

1. “The author and her husband on a hike.”
2. “The author, a mother of five.”
3. “The author and her daughter.”


Totally not a narcissist. Also apparently this was published in Good Housekeeping? That always did seem like the magazine choice of control freak housewives everywhere.

quote:

My husband and I (32M and 34M) eloped and got married because we got sick of our families and the fact they were treating our wedding as their wedding.

We got engaged over 3 years ago. Various life circumstances have prevented us from getting married sooner and since our families were getting annoyingly impatient, last year we decided to finally do it. The first thing we did was set and book a date: June 22.

Our parents INSISTED they pay for everything instead of giving us gifts. After arguing for several weeks we said yes. Big mistake. Our mothers, sisters and aunts immediately got involved because we're "both men and men don't organize weddings". We've been getting messages every day for the past 4 months with suggestions for everything wedding-related. The number of guests grew from 32 to 86 and every time we tried to fight it, our parents said: "Don't worry, we're paying for it!" Which is beside the point (the point that I don't want to get married in front of 50 people I don't know). The only thing we managed to keep is best men. Our mothers tried to force us to have a whole posse of groomsmen but we put our foot down and said our 2 best friends would do.

The invitations were my sister's idea and self-inflicted responsibility, the party favors my MIL and SIL's idea, my mother and MIL "designed" the cake etc. Our sisters took us to try on suits and we ended up settling for whatever they liked because we were sick of it.

In the midst of all this, my SO says he wants to elope. The next day we buy suits we like, contact our actual wedding photographer and ask when the earliest is when she's available, get our best men and get married within 4 days. It was lovely and we have wonderful memories of it.

5 days ago, my mother saw the different suits and, long story short, we admitted we eloped. Everyone freaked out. Apparently, since we're already married, "the second reception won't count". Our parents told us that OUR WEDDING IS OFF and that they want their money back. Deposits have already been made and it would be a huge amount of money so we said we aren't giving them a single penny for the wedding they themselves insisted on and modified according to their own wishes despite our protests. They called us all sorts of lovely names and left. My SO tried to reason with them over text, saying it can still be a party for family and friends, and they're ignoring him. June 22 is approaching and we have no idea what to do.

Did we make a mistake by eloping? Are we obligated to pay them back? Are we the assholes?



Edit: I'm not sure I explained this correctly. The wedding our families were planning would have still happened despite us eloping. We never intended to tell anyone we eloped, but my mother likes to go through our stuff and she found the different suits. Had she not found them, nobody would have known. So we would have our lovely intimate moment, they would get the wedding they wanted and everyone would be happy. Several people's comments suggest they think we eloped KNOWING the wedding would be off. We didn't know or expect that to happen.

quote:

they said again and again and again that we've ruined it by getting married in secret and now it "doesn't count" and whatever, and we don't know what to think anymore. I don't feel like it doesn't count. Why would it not count?

quote:

You never tried to call it off right? You planned on still having the second? Because if they called it off, THEY wasted their money, not you and your man. It's petty of them to be upset after you did something you felt you needed to do as a couple and punish it by revoking the ceremony they pushed on you. Weird family, sorry guys. Enjoy life with your new husband and gently caress the craziness man, you've got love and the rest will work itself out.

quote:

We didn't try to call it off. We still wanted to go through with it because our families are super invested in it and we figured it would just be a big party since that is what they wanted. But suddenly it's all spoiled because we're already officially married on paper.