/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [35F] husband [34M] of 9 years wants to go on a 7-day cruise with our friend [34F]; just the two of them.

I give this dude props. He�s set up the perfect bang week with this chick and he actually has his wife thinking shes the rear end in a top hat here lol.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 01:57

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# ? May 9, 2024 20:50

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [35F] husband [34M] of 9 years wants to go on a 7-day cruise with our friend [34F]; just the two of them.

Kind of an rear end in a top hat gift if you can't schedule it yourself.

Maybe that part is a cover story.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 01:59

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Im just point blank assuming he didnt win a cruise

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:02

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Barudak posted:

Im just point blank assuming he didnt win a cruise

And that he wasn't having 60 hour weeks.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:16

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

MarcusSA posted:

Uh YTA because it’s Macro cheating

Boooooooooo

_{I hate that I got that}

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:26

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Just imagine the reactions of the cruisegoers as your husband and a beautiful woman show up at dinner every night and introduce themselves as good friends

It'll be fine

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:28

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

A relationships mashup where the cruise cheating story transitions to the "he was farting and sweating crab juice" cruise story, resulting in the husband remaining faithful.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:32

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

My marriage has become an open relationship - am I weird for being OK with it

To be clear this isn't like a weird brag, I'm just struggling to find genuine advice or anecdotes from people in the same situation as me.

So I (m, 30) have been married to my wife (f, 30) for a little over 7 years, and we've been together a total of 14 years. We met at school, we were each others first real relationship, and we are, somewhat against the odds, very happy together. We have two great kids, reasonably stable jobs, and a house in a half decent neighbourhood.

Earlier this year we took a mini vacation to Seoul in S Korea to celebrate our 30th birthdays, and one night we were out there we planned a night apart - she wanted to go to some clubs and I hate clubs, so I bought a ticket to the movie theatre across the road from our hotel. Before she left for the night I joked about her hooking up with someone whilst she was out. Didn't talk about it anymore that night, but a few days later she mentioned it, and we talked a while about the idea of sleeping with other people. We spent a few days thinking about it and had another conversation which led to us confirming that we at least wanted to try it out.

Fast forward a few months, and my wife has been hitting it off with this guy at her work, they've been sendy flirty messages, and I'm pretty sure that they're gonna hook up this weekend. We talk about all of this openly, and I am finding myself extremely comfortable with it. She's made it clear that she just wants a hookup, and I trust her.

I guess my core question is; am I crazy for feeling this way? It has not so far had any impact on our relationship and if anything our sex life has improved. I worry that if our friends or family found out they'd be very critical, but it's added a fun new dimension to us that I kinda love.

Any advice or experiences are very welcome.

TL;DR - decided to turn our marriage into an open relationship - is it crazy to be happy with it?

Edit Should have been clearer about the co-worker. He leaves her workplace in the next 6 weeks or so to move back home. Think she saw him as a safer option than a rando at a bar, but also doesn't see him as relationship material

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:34

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [35F] husband [34M] of 9 years wants to go on a 7-day cruise with our friend [34F]; just the two of them.

Honestly even setting aside how obviously this is a very easy setup for him to cheat in plain sight, if we give him the benefit of the doubt and trust that there's literally nothing going on and it's just a platonic cruise among two friends who could but would never actually bone, that feels like a boundary way too far. No one they know is gonna go "man it's wonderful how much they trust each other", everyone who hears about it is gonna just assume it's obviously cheating and assume she's either incredibly naive, has no spine, or both.

Like it's not impossible there's nothing going on, but it's still not something you'd actually ask of your SO if you really cared at all about what a lovely spot you'd be putting them in.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:34

drjuggalo: Jul 26, 2014

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Close guy friend asked me for a FWB after my recent breakup and I'm scared of losing him.

I see this all the time and nine times out of ten it�s dorky dudes who haven�t talked to too many woman shooting their bad shots but all her actions regarding this dude is stupid too and I think she wants the drama? Why even go over if she knows he only wants to gently caress??

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:37

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Open relationship guy is making me sad cause hes clearly checked out but doesnt realize it.

Also I feel like if you like to go clubbing as a woman at 30 something has gone wrong, which in this case it obviously has

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:44

HMS Beagle: Feb 13, 2009

drjuggalo posted:

I see this all the time and nine times out of ten it�s dorky dudes who haven�t talked to too many woman shooting their bad shots but all her actions regarding this dude is stupid too and I think she wants the drama? Why even go over if she knows he only wants to gently caress??

Yeah, it�s definitely the woman who is wrong in that scenario, not the creepy desperate weirdo.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:44

drjuggalo: Jul 26, 2014

HMS Beagle posted:

Yeah, it�s definitely the woman who is wrong in that scenario, not the creepy desperate weirdo.

Why would you go to a creeps house long after you peg him as a hyper creep? It�s the relationship version of white people in horror movies

# ? Jun 26, 2019 02:53

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

AITA for leaving my parents unaware of their grandchild

quote:

Throwaway because coworkers don't need to know about my drama.

So 6 years ago I came out to my religious, Polish parents, although they moved to Germany before I was even born.

I knew their reaction was probably going to be bad and my relationship with them was on the line. But they took it even worse than expected.

About the worst thing they said was that homosexuals should never have kids because they would just be abused by their parents. One day they saw me as a wonderful future father and couldn't shut up about it, next instance they act like I'm completely changed and I, their own son, would do something like that. I was speechless and really upset and they followed it up with "If you ever have a partner or kids, don't ever think about introducing them to us." At this point I just told them that I'll remember that one and that they'll get their will and left.

Shortly after that I met my partner, down the line we decided to have a kid and his sister agreed to step in for surrogacy. His family is incredibly accepting (duh) and a constant reminder of what I don't have, so this whole thing was the biggest emotional roller-coaster, from her offering, to child birth to now. The biological mother is an angel and with us every step of the way.

We are the proud parents of a boy who just celebrated his first birthday. While this may seem petty, I held them to their word and didn't introduce either hubby nor grandchild to them. Partially because some months into my relationship my brother decided to drop the news in the hope they might come around, but it was just a big shitstorm all over. This was one of several occasions over the years where I repeatedly demanded an apology, they always said they have nothing to apologize for and eventually I stopped expecting it.

For obvious reasons after birth my visits became even fewer and the excuses got worse, so I guess they knew something was off, they put my brother on the spot and he eventually caved in and told them.

They went hysterical, called me to confront me and I just calmly told them I was executing their wishes to the dot of the i, that they are to blame for it and that they also know how to make it right again and hang up. They still can't understand how I could treat them like that by not introducing their grandchild and ever since I've been getting messages from extended family basically calling me the biggest rear end in a top hat on the planet.

My partner respects my decision, his parents aren't fully in the picture but shocked and so are friends until they learn more. Also I know that I've also put my brother in a terrible spot, but he gets it.

Tl;Dr: Came out, parents said some vile poo poo. I demanded an apology multiple times and over years they didn't come around, so I did what they asked me to and kept me becoming a parent from them.

So AITA? WIBTA to put my foot down on this until they show genuine change?

loving

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:03

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Im shouting "lady, dont go in there" but she isnt listening and its real life

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:03

i vomit kittens: Apr 25, 2019

Is it wrong/weird for a 19 year old to be dating a 16 year old?

quote:

So, I am 19 and for the past 10 months I've been dating a 16 year old. Now, let me elaborate. When I met her, she told me she was 16 , and at the time I was 18. I figured two years apart is okay and In my state the age of consent is 16. We date for about 6 months and I fall madly in love with her. She's the best thing thats ever happened to me. If It wasn't for her I wouldn't have gone back and got my High school diploma or get a second job.

By the this 6 month mark I was 19 and she was 17, or so I thought
It turns out that shes been lying to me the past 6 months and she was actually 15 when we met, and that means shes 16 now.

Obviously I was hurt greatly, but I still loved her so much. So we continue and we are as happy as ever, but theres always the thought in the back of my mind about how awful I am. I feel disgusting. I don't know why this one extra year makes things so weird for me.

I truly do love her. I love her so much and I want to stay, I just feel like people judge me for it. I just want to know what you all think. I don't want to leave her, but I will if I am so far in the wrong.

Tldr: Girlfriend lied about age, I still love her, Im 19 shes 16, is this wrong.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:23

Barudak: May 7, 2007

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for leaving my parents unaware of their grandchild

I believe Pete has reincarnated many times, and each lifetime is an example to us on how to live righteously

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:26

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Me [31/F] with my Uncle___ [50 M] wonder how I can get him to stop bragging about his high (?) IQ?

quote:

My,31F, Uncle, (50-ish) is also my Godfather and I love him very much. He's cool, successful in his work, great family on both sides and a very good athlete. However, he has never attended college. Yet he brags, especially to my Mom (62F), that his (undocumented) IQ is 177 and way higher than hers.

My Mom worked for a Fortune Top Five pharmaceutical company for her whole career. As part of this, her group was regularly trained on taking and administering all kinds of psychographic tests. Her IQ is a documented 145.

The thing is, it's absolutely no big deal to my Mom. It's all boring to her. But, like me, she thinks my Uncle bragging about his IQ is embarrassing himself. His wife, my Aunt,(48F),also confided to Mom over the Holidays that his doing this also embarrasses her and my niece (13) and nephew (15) who are at 'that age' where parents in general are an embarrassment.

A few nights ago, were all on a log-distance conference call, joking about all the family stories of my Mom and her three younger brothers, including, of course, this Uncle. We were all laughing hysterically at one point, and next thing we knew, my Uncle says: "Well, that's OK Sis, (my Mom)...at least I got the 177 IQ, which dwarfs your measly 145." There was dead silence. Everyone knows he has never had an 'official' IQ test, administered in a professional, controlled setting.

"Yeah", he brags,"me and old James Woods...same IQ". (James Woods being the popular actor/pro poker player and political pundit.) I felt my face burn up at this. I said "Uncs, did you ever have your IQ officially tested, like Mom?" He says "Nope. Don't need to...tests online now are pretty rigorous and I've taken all the best ones."

His son burst out laughing. My Mom said "Uncle name, Einstein had a 179 IQ. Do you really want to pursue this discussion?" Now both his kids are really cracking up. My Aunt called my Mom after the call, saying how mortified she is and now so are the kids. How can we get him to see he is making a fool of himself?

for tl;dr: Mandatory summary/question! My (31F) Uncle, (50-ishM) who I am very close to, has never attended college but always brags he has a 177 IQ, never professionally documented,compared to my Mom's (62F) officially documented 145 IQ. How can I we get him to stop embarrassing himself and his own wife and kids with such a ridiculous claim?

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:28

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

HoAssHo posted:

Because I don't have antaphasia or whatever it is, I'm imagining this very vividly right now. Even as I type this I can see this guy very clearly, and I have to disagree - it is not a good look.

Also, he smells like he works on cars all day, but not in the hot way.

I'm just gonna Photoshop it so I can imag- I HATE IT

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:28

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

Haifisch posted:

Me [31/F] with my Uncle___ [50 M] wonder how I can get him to stop bragging about his high (?) IQ?

The secret of the IQ test is that the numbers it gives you are all fake. The actual test is whether you brag about your results afterwards, and if you do, you're mentally disabled.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:33

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

META: Warning for all posters: what happens in AITA does not stay in AITA!

quote:

It would seem that some popular social media personalities have decided that this is a great sub for content. The �God� Facebook page likes to mine AITA content, look for assholes, and put them on blast via TheDodo. A recent poster has also said the the �news� page The Mirror picked up his post as well. I�m sure there are others.

A lot of you post about stuff because your friends and family aren�t on reddit, but now we need to be careful as to what other social media they may be on, and take extra steps to preserve your anonymity. Throwaways are already encouraged, but make sure names are changed enough (not just initials), and change any non-relevant details. Good luck!

Edit: this has made it to r/all, and a lot of folks have pointed out that a bunch of other subs get mined as well. Protect your privacy, people!

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:35

Invisble Manuel: Nov 4, 2009

teardrop posted:

As far as we know this is a once in a lifetime family reunion for them, and asking a girlfriend to skip it to comfort him for someone she didn�t know is asking to put his family before hers.

It's asking to put him over her family, in his time of grief over losing his mother.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:36

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Pinecone Sample posted:

META: Warning for all posters: what happens in AITA does not stay in AITA!

Wow, it�s almost like this �Internet� thing could be accessed by anyone.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:48

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

MagusofStars posted:

Wow, it�s almost like this �Internet� thing could be accessed by anyone.

And this lesson will never be fully absorbed by the neverending stream of idiot teenagers discovering that public internet posts are accessible to the public. They have enough trouble understanding what moderation is and why it's not infringing on their constitutional right to free speech.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 03:52

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Pinecone Sample posted:

META: Warning for all posters: what happens in AITA does not stay in AITA!

Fuckin voyeurs. Just despicable, the things people will do with other people's personal stories

# ? Jun 26, 2019 04:03

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

i vomit kittens posted:

Is it wrong/weird for a 19 year old to be dating a 16 year old?

have fun in jail :byewhore:

# ? Jun 26, 2019 04:13

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

AITA for Telling My Family I Wanna Be a Kid Forever

quote:

MY BACKGROUND:

I'm 31M, only recently found a career (almost 100K/year). Prior to this, I graduated university with horrible grades, did some odd part-time, or dead-end full-time jobs here and there (think minimum wage like Wal-Mart), am a virgin (I don't advertise this), never had a girlfriend before, and I'm balding (Dad's side of the family is almost all bald). I don't have a lot of friends, and I mostly stay inside the house outside of work, only occasionally seeing friends on the weekend. I am an introvert.

I live with my parents, I'm saving a TON of money (I do pay rent, expenses, and broken appliances like if we need a new washing machine), and after recently discovering day trading (stock markets), I am making money hand over fist. I work a full-time job, and pay my taxes. My Mom and Dad do cook/buy meals for me. My mom does the laundry, cleaning, etc. My life currently involves going to work, coming home, playing games online with friends/co-workers, eat, sleep. Rinse/repeat.

INCIDENT:

So it's my sister's baby's (my nephew's) first birthday, and our family (aunts/uncles/etc) are invited to a backyard BBQ to celebrate. My sister, brother-in-law, my parents, and a couple of aunts/uncles are eating around a table when one of my nosy aunts ask when I'm going to get married.

I say "Probably never, it's not for me". Cue the awkward silence or muted gasps from everyone. My sister chimes in and says, "Well now that you're making so much money, you can actually afford a girlfriend now".

Me: If a girlfriend can be afforded, then she's not going to be my girlfriend.

Sister: So what else are you gonna use your money for?

Me: Literally anything else I want.

Sister: You're so childish. When are you going to grow up, man up, and start acting like an adult?

Me: It's childish of you to assume everybody wants to live like you do. If you can't accept people can live different lives, then you're just immature.

Sister: Who wouldn't wanna live like me? (she gestures to the giant house, luxuries etc. My sister doesn't make a lot of money, but she married my bro-in-law who comes from an obscenely wealthy family)

Me: If I wanna be a kid forever, that's my choice. It's my money, my life, my decision. What are you gonna do about it? Whine some more?

She just stares coldly at me and I can tell my family doesn't like what I'm saying, but I don't care. I just sit there and enjoy my meal.

AITA for Telling My Family I Wanna Be a Kid Forever?

EDIT: A lot of people are telling me to move out. Why? Parents want me to stay, they've never even hinted at wanting me to move out, housing prices are INSANE where I live, and WHY would I pay rent to a stranger as opposed to my own parents?

Now if you are extremely wealthy and can afford your own place, or you would rather give money to a stranger than your own family, sure, go for it.

EDIT numero Deux: Talked it out with my folks (we're traditional Asian, living in North America) about whether they wanted me to move out. My Dad said I was stupid for wanting to pay more rent to a stranger and my mom said I should save up to buy my own house so I wouldn't be 'paying other people's mortgages'.

My parents clearly love me and my eyes have been opened by the people of Reddit. I know in America it's expected for a kid to hit 18 and just find a job and pay for their own way but wages just haven't caught up to costs of living.

A lot of people assumed I was mooching off my parents, which is fair, since I can only fit so much in this post, but I suppose I'll just have to live with opinions from people without the whole picture. In your opinions, I am the rear end in a top hat. /bows

# ? Jun 26, 2019 04:13

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Haifisch posted:

AITA for Telling My Family I Wanna Be a Kid Forever

He is an idiot yes but his parents are right that if he's good there he should stay and save up and buy something. He's gonna want to get married eventually so having a decent nest egg isn't the worst idea.

He sounds like a man child though so :shrug:

# ? Jun 26, 2019 04:15

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

honestly i thought it was gonna be some horrible adult baby fetish thing so i'm relieved

# ? Jun 26, 2019 04:16

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Close guy friend asked me for a FWB after my recent breakup and I'm scared of losing him.

TL;DR - Close friend asked if I was interested in FWB after my recent breakup, when I said no he tried very hard to convince me. I don't want to lose him as a friend but he made me really uncomfortable and kinda got mad when I kept saying no.

He's not your friend and probably never has been.

Just a loving vulture.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 04:52

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

MarcusSA posted:

He is an idiot yes but his parents are right that if he's good there he should stay and save up and buy something. He's gonna want to get married eventually so having a decent nest egg isn't the worst idea.

He sounds like a man child though so

Yeah, there's honestly a huge difference between "living at home because you've failed out of society" and "living at home to save on expenses while building up financial security".

# ? Jun 26, 2019 05:10

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

MarcusSA posted:

He is an idiot yes but his parents are right that if he's good there he should stay and save up and buy something. He's gonna want to get married eventually so having a decent nest egg isn't the worst idea.

He sounds like a man child though so

I would normally say that some people just don't want to get married ever. I'm one of those.

buuuuuut

quote:

Me: If a girlfriend can be afforded, then she's not going to be my girlfriend.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 05:34

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Midnight Voyager posted:

I would normally say that some people just don't want to get married ever. I'm one of those.

buuuuuut

I dunno, in response to "Well now that you're making so much money, you can actually afford a girlfriend now" it makes sense. A romantic partner should be someone you love and share stuff with not someone who is with you because you pay them to.

The whole conversation sounds made up, though, so who knows how it actually went down.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 05:44

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Midnight Voyager posted:

I would normally say that some people just don't want to get married ever. I'm one of those.

buuuuuut

In fairness, it was in response to his sister�s complete shithead comment of �well, now that you make money, you can afford a girlfriend now�. As though the reason he hasn�t dated before is because he didn�t have the money required to buy a woman�s affections rather than any other reason.

E;f,b.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 05:49

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Ah, you know, didn't think of it that way. I've heard the shithead context too often. Fair!

# ? Jun 26, 2019 06:00

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [35F] husband [34M] of 9 years wants to go on a 7-day cruise with our friend [34F]; just the two of them.

i have a couple close platonic female friends i've known since high school too and i wouldn't even consider proposing something like this lmao. they're 100% going to bang

# ? Jun 26, 2019 06:01

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Haifisch posted:

AITA for Telling My Family I Wanna Be a Kid Forever

This may be the most complex �Seems like the rear end in a top hat until you read it� yet!

# ? Jun 26, 2019 06:17

Flannelette: Jan 17, 2010

Haifisch posted:

AITA for Telling My Family I Wanna Be a Kid Forever

Sounds like he's doing more than fine.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 06:24

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Haifisch posted:

AITA for Telling My Family I Wanna Be a Kid Forever

Man, given that edit about 'why would I move out?'/'traditional Asian family', and this

quote:

I work a full-time job, and pay my taxes. My Mom and Dad do cook/buy meals for me. My mom does the laundry, cleaning, etc. My life currently involves going to work, coming home, playing games online with friends/co-workers, eat, sleep. Rinse/repeat.

It sounds a bit like he's got that cushy 'little emperor' lifestyle going on.

# ? Jun 26, 2019 07:04

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# ? May 9, 2024 20:50

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

I recently discovered day trading in a bull market. No, I don't know what short-term capital gains are. Obviously, this will last forever.

If he means recently, meaning the beginning of this year, he bought in at the dip and is mistaking his accidental market timing as investment acumen.

cumshitter fucked around with this message at 07:07 on Jun 26, 2019

# ? Jun 26, 2019 07:05

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