/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

I have an actual relationship issue and I almost just made a reddit post about it. Then I remembered 1) SA would find it and make fun of me 2) I would have absolutely no faith in the advice I was given, because reddit is populated by children and idiots.

What's like, an actual good place to turn for advice? A therapist or something?

# ? Jun 30, 2019 08:36

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 19:01

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

Imagine hiding away in a room on a weekend for a five hour wankathon lmao.

Hellblazer187 posted:

I have an actual relationship issue and I almost just made a reddit post about it. Then I remembered 1) SA would find it and make fun of me 2) I would have absolutely no faith in the advice I was given, because reddit is populated by children and idiots.

What's like, an actual good place to turn for advice? A therapist or something?

My PMs.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 08:37

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Pissflaps posted:

My PMs.

lol.

I just made an appointment with my therapist to talk about my issue. It's a three week wait though.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 08:44

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Pissflaps posted:

Imagine hiding away in a room on a weekend for a five hour wankathon lmao.

Hell, I'm boggled that the OP is like 'I'd be okay with a three-hour tugfest, but 4-5 hours? That's too much!'

# ? Jun 30, 2019 08:45

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008; Can't post for 5 hours!

Dearest Hellblazer,

Open the relationship and report back in 6 months

Sincerely,
QuarkJets

p.s. that'll be 200 dollars

# ? Jun 30, 2019 08:45

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not wanting my husband to masturbate for hours at a time?

Jesus, the noise alone would drive you insane

# ? Jun 30, 2019 08:45

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

My Lovely Horse posted:

Jesus, the noise alone would drive you insane

Like a jackpot at the nickel slots for five hours straight

# ? Jun 30, 2019 08:49

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Hellblazer187 posted:

I have an actual relationship issue and I almost just made a reddit post about it. Then I remembered 1) SA would find it and make fun of me 2) I would have absolutely no faith in the advice I was given, because reddit is populated by children and idiots.

What's like, an actual good place to turn for advice? A therapist or something?

The biggest purpose of advice (unless you genuinely have no idea) isn't to do what you're told, it's to listen to it, think critically, and then make your own decision. You're going to do whatever you want to do anyway, but advice saves you from blindly following impulse and gives you a chance to reflect on other options/possibilities you may not have considered. For most purposes reddit is probably fine for that. Its ratio of good advice to bad advice may not be so hot, but it's should be good enough for you to find the good advice. If that doesn't work or your issue is more complex then yeah a therapist or trusted friend.

It's a relationship question though so based on this thread there's a 90% chance the answer is :sever:

(45% because you're bad for them, 45% because they're bad for you)

# ? Jun 30, 2019 08:51

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

The biggest purpose of advice (unless you genuinely have no idea) isn't to do what you're told, it's to listen to it, think critically, and then make your own decision. You're going to do whatever you want to do anyway, but advice saves you from blindly following impulse and gives you a chance to reflect on other options/possibilities you may not have considered. For most purposes reddit is probably fine for that. Its ratio of good advice to bad advice may not be so hot, but it's should be good enough for you to find the good advice. If that doesn't work or your issue is more complex then yeah a therapist or trusted friend.

You just want more content for the thread.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 08:54

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

The Anonymous Confessions thread maybe, though you've kinda given the game away now.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 09:16

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Ghost Leviathan posted:

The Anonymous Confessions thread maybe, though you've kinda given the game away now.

Yeah, I would really be looking for something OUTSIDE of SA. I've given way too much personal information on this stupid forum as is.

I'll just wait the three weeks and talk to my therapist or we'll resolve the issue on our own or we'll get a divorce or I'll kill myself to avoid having to make a decision about anything. Any of those is preferable to ridicule on SA.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 09:20

nankeen: Mar 20, 2019; by Cyrano4747

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not wanting my husband to masturbate for hours at a time?

i don't even have a dick and it still burned reading this

# ? Jun 30, 2019 09:35

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Is she married to a spider monkey?

# ? Jun 30, 2019 09:37

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

He's gonna give himself a Rusty Venture.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 10:22

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

Hellblazer187 posted:

I have an actual relationship issue and I almost just made a reddit post about it. Then I remembered 1) SA would find it and make fun of me 2) I would have absolutely no faith in the advice I was given, because reddit is populated by children and idiots.

What's like, an actual good place to turn for advice? A therapist or something?

How good is your story? Just post it already.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 10:23

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

I (16M) don�t know how to read signals that she (15f) could possibly be sending me because I feel that she�s trolling

quote:

I�m trying to keep this as short as possible, I�m kinda infatuated/really like with a girl that I know from my church.

Anyway I can�t tell if she likes me or not but we used to go back and forward and argue, insult each other occasionally. Suddenly out of the blue a year or two ago, she gave me her Kik and made me follow her page on Instagram but I deleted those two quite a while ago and I have no way to contact her.

Flashback to two years ago and we�ve go on a trip together, downtown in the city, she shares her food with me and I do the same for her.

Eventually during said trip she starts feeling me up etc, I�m kinda of a jumpy person so she got a laugh out of that, A hour later and it�s time to go, she randomly says she wants to give me a hug, I refuse at first then hug her then feel her up at the same time (her lower back and rear), I can�t really remember what happened after that but she went silent and hasn�t talked to me as much (I think I weirded her out).

Fast forward to yesterday and we get invited to have a party at an alternate location.

We take the bus there and I sit across the seat from her where she greets me and I respond �hey�.

A few minutes later she puts her hand in front of me and smiles. I look confused and she puts it away.

We later arrive and head into a dark room with glow sticks, she comes along with a glow stick and waves it in front of my face, I do the same except that it�s pretty close between her mouth and nose and she says something along the lines of �That�s not the hole where that goes� or �You don�t put it in that hole�

I went dead silent, who wouldn�t?

I think I said �What?� And she said �Suck my dick� and I responded something along the lines of either �No you� or �You first�

She walks away, comes back again later then lifts her hand up again, I copy her and she gives me a high five before continuing to talk to her friend that rode with us.

She plays around with her friend, they start running around the room, they start horse playing and she backed into me and brushes against me about once or twice but I nudged her off, I don�t think she knew what she was doing.

She occasionally stood by me from a distance, went back to partying and then talking to her friend.

I then walked out the dark room to use the restroom, I come back out and move to head back into the entrance to the dark room and she suddenly walks out of the entrance before seeing me.

She tells me to not go back in there and stay with her, I head back in there halfway before she calls my name again and I turn around, before she takes a seat and tells me to sit by her.

I sit by her as she ties her shoe and I turn away from her. She gets up, calls my name and tells me to follow her down the hallway shaped like a 3 way corridor. We walk down the halls with me a few feet behind her, she seems to be walking slowly where before we end up at a dead end with only one person to our right in a room with a large window. She bends over a little bit and starts to take a sip from the water fountain, occasionally eyeing me before she tells me that she had got the taste of a glow stick stuck in her mouth which is why she went to the fountain.

I ask her why and she responds that she likes putting things in her mouth, she says something else but I don�t catch it. I tell her that only little kids do that. She tells me that she does whatever the hell that she wants to do.

We walk back in the room with me behind her and she lifts up her jean jacket a small amount and I can see her lower back a little bit before she lets it back down when we get back into the room. I didn�t really pay attention to her but she gets in the front of the room and starts talking with her friend while I move towards the back.

Few minutes later it�s time to go and not a word was said, we hop back on the bus and now she�s sitting at the seat behind the one she was sitting at while she talks to her friend.

Tl;dr: I�m kinda interested in this girl that I don�t talk to much but I just can�t read her actions, I feel like I brushed her off by calling her childish.

Is there anyway I can send her semi-obvious signs that I like her, how do I flirt on the same level that she is since she seems to be flirting with me? I only see her on Sundays and I�m nervous about loving this up.

Can someone also explain what to got to me sit by her and follow her around for anyway?

Update-

I was in church 2 Sunday�s ago (June 16) and she sat a seat across from my grandmother, I don�t even thinks if she knows my grandmother so I would list that as a coincidence. I pretended like I couldn�t see where my grandmother was sitting so I sat on another column and me and her locked eyes for a split second, I haven�t seen her since.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 10:32

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

She said "suck my dick"? Wat?

# ? Jun 30, 2019 10:48

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not wanting my husband to masturbate for hours at a time?

My life is boring and my time is worthless but I still have better things to do then masturbate for four hours at a time. Get a loving hobby dude, jesus.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 10:54

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

4-5 times a week, no less! Some weeks this dude is putting in a 25-hour dick week. 5 more hours and Pornhub would have to offer him health insurance.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 10:57

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

It's all about edging while searching for the perfect story/video/picture because heaven forbid your orgasm should be suboptimal. The constant dopamine makes time fly.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 11:09

nankeen: Mar 20, 2019; by Cyrano4747

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

I (16M) don�t know how to read signals that she (15f) could possibly be sending me because I feel that she�s trolling

these authentic young love stories are my favourite, teens are just so bizarre :allears:

# ? Jun 30, 2019 11:21

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Normal brain: addressing a teacher "mom" in front of the whole class
Expanding brain: answering "you too" to a waitress wishing me a tasty meal
Galaxy brain: saying "only little kids do that" when my crush says she loves putting things in her mouth
7th Chakra opening brain: answering "no, you!" to a girl telling me to suck her dick

# ? Jun 30, 2019 13:19

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Didn't we have another story of a guy who's descended into full-time masturbation and getting into increasingly depraved porn and it's probably a symptom of a medical issue up to and including a brain tumor?

# ? Jun 30, 2019 13:34

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Palpek posted:

Normal brain: addressing a teacher "mom" in front of the whole class
Expanding brain: answering "you too" to a waitress wishing me a tasty meal
Galaxy brain: saying "only little kids do that" when my crush says she loves putting things in her mouth
7th Chakra opening brain: answering "no, you!" to a girl telling me to suck her dick

I mean, as far as responses go, it's up there with hitting "Go gently caress yourself!" with "gently caress me yourself you coward!"

# ? Jun 30, 2019 13:55

AreWeDrunkYet: Jul 8, 2006; Can't post for 45 hours!

Antivehicular posted:

4-5 times a week, no less! Some weeks this dude is putting in a 25-hour dick week. 5 more hours and Pornhub would have to offer him health insurance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euI3v2jpTlI

# ? Jun 30, 2019 14:05

Castaign: Apr 4, 2011; And now I knew that while my body sat safe in the cheerful little church, he had been hunting my soul in the Court of the Dragon.

cumshitter posted:

Student: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE [Def: ??]?

Teacher: There is a Zen Story about a student who asked a Master to explain the meaning of Buddhism. The Master's reply was "Three teaspoons of cumshit."

Student: Is that the answer to my question?

Teacher: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to your question is FIVE GALLONS OF CUMSHIT!

Just stopping in from four pages ago to say that you are a goddamn national treasure, and I love you.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 15:25

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for pretending I'm poor to my kid?

My wife and I decided years ago that we would live a lifestyle that doesn't scream "RICH" to our kid before we even had him. We together make high 6 digit figures and obviously, rent/expenses are taken care of and we have nothing to worry about, but we're not going to go to some fancy restaurant and splurge on hundreds of dollars of food a night. He's 7 now, and we don't buy him everything he asks for. Maybe a console on christmas. A single video game on his birthday. We don't want him growing into a spoiled brat not thinking about his future and living on parent's money.

We sometimes put on an act in front of him, and tell him we're living day by day and we should be thankful for what we have. We want to try to instill in him that money is a precious thing. But recently, he told his friends. He said we're just getting by, and his friends told their parents, and that's when the issue happened. The parents obviously knew how well we were off, and several of them started whispering behind our backs, then in front of us. How we're looking down on others actually not well off and how fake we were. I can see a rip between the community and my household.

Am I the rear end in a top hat here? I just wanted my kid to grow properly and be less materialistic than what he can be.

UPDATE: After a serious discussion with wife reading through the comments, we decided to have a sitdown with our son. We talked about the value of money, how we were doing fine, and he didn't have to worry a bit. We don't want him to grow up thinking we're liars

I want to clear some things up though even though it doesn't matter at this point. I never said the word "poor" once to him. When I say "day by day" I meant in terms he could understand. For example, when we go grocery shopping, he'll bring a snack and we'll say how if we buy that, we can't buy food then so he'd put it back. This isn't to say we never bought him things. We buy him snacks, clothing, and anything that could be considered luxury goods for a kid. I thought we never said it in a way for him to be stressed, but I guess we were wrong. We'll try to be better parents, thank you.

This actually really fucks up your kid, thanks

# ? Jun 30, 2019 15:32

Johnny Truant: Jul 22, 2008

Pick posted:

This actually really fucks up your kid, thanks

oof yeah, i must've skipped right over the "if we buy your snack we can't buy food!" bit. that's definitely hosed up. like, you don't have to be disingenuous to your kid to not have them grow up a spoiled rich poo poo, christ

# ? Jun 30, 2019 15:37

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

nankeen posted:

these authentic young love stories are my favourite, teens are just so bizarre

Yeah, unfortunately since he's as dense as a lead brick she'll eventually think he's not interested and that spark will be gone.

By then he'll totally be like Oh Hey I Like You. :smith:

# ? Jun 30, 2019 15:57

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Haifisch posted:

WIBTA if I made meals my family doesn�t like?

This entire household has a really hosed up relationship with food and they all need therapy.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 16:10

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Penis having goons, is that even possible, to wank that much? gently caress, I would think chafing would be a thing.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 16:27

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

It's olympic level edging probably? Or maybe he's really indecisive when to shoot his load, and nothing on pornhub just hits the spot?

# ? Jun 30, 2019 16:36

DeadMansSuspenders: Jan 10, 2012; I wanna be your left hand man

He's playing Fortnite for 4.9 hours and then jacking off because he wants to get away from his wife.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 16:50

The_Franz: Aug 8, 2003

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for pretending I'm poor to my kid?

My wife and I decided years ago that we would live a lifestyle that doesn't scream "RICH" to our kid before we even had him. We together make high 6 digit figures and obviously, rent/expenses are taken care of and we have nothing to worry about, but we're not going to go to some fancy restaurant and splurge on hundreds of dollars of food a night. He's 7 now, and we don't buy him everything he asks for. Maybe a console on christmas. A single video game on his birthday. We don't want him growing into a spoiled brat not thinking about his future and living on parent's money.

We sometimes put on an act in front of him, and tell him we're living day by day and we should be thankful for what we have. We want to try to instill in him that money is a precious thing. But recently, he told his friends. He said we're just getting by, and his friends told their parents, and that's when the issue happened. The parents obviously knew how well we were off, and several of them started whispering behind our backs, then in front of us. How we're looking down on others actually not well off and how fake we were. I can see a rip between the community and my household.

Am I the rear end in a top hat here? I just wanted my kid to grow properly and be less materialistic than what he can be.

UPDATE: After a serious discussion with wife reading through the comments, we decided to have a sitdown with our son. We talked about the value of money, how we were doing fine, and he didn't have to worry a bit. We don't want him to grow up thinking we're liars

I want to clear some things up though even though it doesn't matter at this point. I never said the word "poor" once to him. When I say "day by day" I meant in terms he could understand. For example, when we go grocery shopping, he'll bring a snack and we'll say how if we buy that, we can't buy food then so he'd put it back. This isn't to say we never bought him things. We buy him snacks, clothing, and anything that could be considered luxury goods for a kid. I thought we never said it in a way for him to be stressed, but I guess we were wrong. We'll try to be better parents, thank you.

"I never meant to cause my kid stress"

*Tells kid that if they buy him ice cream they they will be broke and end up living under a bridge*

# ? Jun 30, 2019 16:51

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Wouldn�t it be more effective to show him that having money doesn�t mean spending it.

Lying and depriving him is just gonna breed resentment and that kid he s gonna binge when he gets money.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 16:52

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

The_Franz posted:

"I never meant to cause my kid stress"

*Tells kid that if they buy him ice cream they they will be broke and end up living under a bridge*

My family was legit that kind of poor and while yeah it was a bit stressful for me being vaguely aware of family finances and budget when I was a tween on the other hand I grew up way more responsible with money than basically anyone I knew and was never a kid to throw tantrums for not getting the toys/treats he wanted so it's kind of a wash. In college and heck even now it was a huge boon to me to be better with money. I will never not be bewildered when I see people complaining about being broke all the time that spend 50 bucks a week on coffee and danishes. I got a coworker with a dying car that's stressed about whether or not they can swap it out for a new one because they dunno if they could afford car payments, they're low level management that makes like 2x what most of the low employees make and get uber eats for dinner every night.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 16:57

Ebola Roulette: Sep 13, 2010; No matter what you ~~win~~ ~~lose~~ ragepiss.

Xik posted:

My life is boring and my time is worthless but I still have better things to do then masturbate for four hours at a time. Get a loving hobby dude, jesus.

I like to think that he's secretly working on a hobby and saying he's masturbating to work undisturbed. He's putting together a jigsaw puzzle with pornhub on in the background.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 16:59

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

ArbitraryC posted:

My family was legit that kind of poor and while yeah it was a bit stressful for me being vaguely aware of family finances and budget when I was a tween on the other hand I grew up way more responsible with money than basically anyone I knew and was never a kid to throw tantrums for not getting the toys/treats he wanted so it's kind of a wash. In college and heck even now it was a huge boon to me to be better with money. I will never not be bewildered when I see people complaining about being broke all the time that spend 50 bucks a week on coffee and danishes. I got a coworker with a dying car that's stressed about whether or not they can swap it out for a new one because they dunno if they could afford car payments, they're low level management that makes like 2x what most of the low employees make and get uber eats for dinner every night.

Oh my god people like you really exist.

I thought they where just parodies to make fun of boomers.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 17:00

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

I'm just amazed they said "coffee and danishes", not smashed avodacos.

# ? Jun 30, 2019 17:05

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 19:01

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Megillah Gorilla posted:

I'm just amazed they said "coffee and danishes", not smashed avodacos.

Coffees and danishes where the avocados of the 90s

# ? Jun 30, 2019 17:06

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