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pantslesswithwolves posted:Conversely, when I came home from a year in Egypt, I was completely clean shaven and wearing a clean collared shirt, yet I still got pulled out of line and asked a bunch of questions about what I was doing there, whether I had met any terrorists, and whether anyone had talked to me about joining al-Qaeda. That's literally been found in ISIS and other terrorist training documents that have been disseminated online. Not that airport security is anything but security theater for the ignorant masses, but shaving their beards is literally a thing that they instruct all would be terrorists to do, even non Westerners.
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Jul 1, 2019 21:50
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Bored As gently caress posted:That's literally been found in ISIS and other terrorist training documents that have been disseminated online. You know who else shaves their faces? People who are not in ISIS and just like going on a trip clean-shaven. Meanwhile I imagine ISIS updated their manuals to say "shave a few days before leaving".
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Jul 2, 2019 00:07
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Absurd Alhazred posted:You know who else shaves their faces? People who are not in ISIS and just like going on a trip clean-shaven. Meanwhile I imagine ISIS updated their manuals to say "shave a few days before leaving". Oh, no doubt. Just saying that it was based on actual open source intel poo poo. Doesn't mean poo poo though since it's all security theater. TSA misses 95% of all weapone during audits/red teaming, and half the poo poo they miss is guns, knives, or inert/fake explosives.
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Jul 2, 2019 00:18
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Full beard: obviously could be a terrorist, sideline for further search. Clean shaven: terrorist in disguise, sideline for further search. 3 day growth: smart-rear end trying to toe the line, sideline for rectal search.
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Jul 2, 2019 00:39
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Wingnut Ninja posted:Full beard: obviously could be a terrorist, sideline for further search. Clean shaven blonde w/crew cut and blue eyes: ISIS sleeper agent, detain until further notice.
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Jul 2, 2019 00:57
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BigDave posted:Clean shaven blonde w/crew cut and blue eyes: ISIS sleeper agent, detain until further notice. Nah that’s an ally.
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Jul 2, 2019 00:58
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I have a whole bunch of medical devices all up in my undercarriage and down my right leg so I never cease to get the pat down and extra attention but I also try to make it as miserable for them as possible.
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Jul 2, 2019 01:02
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in my experience the easiest low-risk way to bother patters-down is to truthfully tell them you are not wearing underwear
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Jul 2, 2019 02:31
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I once got to waste a bunch of TSA dudes' time by forgetting I had some sliced salami in my travel bag. It showed up as unidentifiable matter on the X-rays so they pulled me aside and were baffled until I remembered what it was. They took the whole thing in surprisingly good humor, but then again I was a 6-foot white guy in a business suit and tie so they probably thought I was Someone In Authority. Actually, being a white dude in a suit and tie at an airport is a wonderful lifehack because everyone mistakes you for someone who might somehow be able to screw them over, so you get slightly better service.
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Jul 2, 2019 02:48
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Doc Hawkins posted:in my experience the easiest low-risk way to bother patters-down is to truthfully tell them you are not wearing underwear Oh that? That's just my steel cock ring.
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Jul 2, 2019 02:48
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Doc Hawkins posted:in my experience the easiest low-risk way to bother patters-down is to truthfully tell them you are not wearing underwear my kinda ape posted:Oh that? That's just my steel cock ring. They don't care. They will rub you all over whether you want them to or not. I was told it was either that or I didn't clear security to get on my flight the last time I flew.
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Jul 2, 2019 02:52
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Vincent Van Goatse posted:I once got to waste a bunch of TSA dudes' time by forgetting I had some sliced salami in my travel bag. It showed up as unidentifiable matter on the X-rays so they pulled me aside and were baffled until I remembered what it was. They took the whole thing in surprisingly good humor, but then again I was a 6-foot white guy in a business suit and tie so they probably thought I was Someone In Authority. If you want security staff to not give a single gently caress about you, fly through Perth airport before 7:00am wearing high-vis and steelcap boots. You'll blend in with the other seventeen hundred dudes that look exactly the same.
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Jul 2, 2019 02:58
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Mr. Nice! posted:They don't care. They will rub you all over whether you want them to or not. I was told it was either that or I didn't clear security to get on my flight the last time I flew. i didn't say it would stop them but the guy i (inadvertently) put through that experience seemed to enjoy it less than usual
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Jul 2, 2019 02:59
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Just stare at them with an enthused grin and say "Yes, pat me down please. It's my fetish."
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Jul 2, 2019 03:01
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Coming home on midtour, I had a can of raviolis in my bag- I've been in the Army enough to know that they will gently caress up your travel, and leave you without poo poo. It gets picked up by the scanner. I explain, they say I can't touch my bag. "You can throw them away. That's fine." "I can't touch your bag, Sir." This discussion went on for about a minute or two before I told him, "I'm taking my bag and leaving to catch my flight. You can't stop me, and I don't see anyone around who can. One of us needs to throw it away." I lost my raviolis that day. That was also the day I decided that I am going to make them touch my balls every time I fly.
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Jul 2, 2019 03:01
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Vincent Van Goatse posted:I once got to waste a bunch of TSA dudes' time by forgetting I had some sliced salami in my travel bag. It showed up as unidentifiable matter on the X-rays so they pulled me aside and were baffled until I remembered what it was. They took the whole thing in surprisingly good humor, but then again I was a 6-foot white guy in a business suit and tie so they probably thought I was Someone In Authority. I went to this fancy meeting in NYC a few years ago, and dressed in a suit and tie. All the service people I met were obscenely polite and obsequious, it was frankly kind of offputting.
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Jul 2, 2019 03:30
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Yeah, I'm never pushy or anything because I'm one of the least-confrontational people in the world but airports are a place where everyone is trying to screw or gouge you even when they're actually nice people because that's corporate policy so I don't feel guilty about taking minor countermeasures.
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Jul 2, 2019 03:46
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For years I envisioned my getting out and even after I re-enlisted on like the last possible day within 2 weeks of getting out (did get a 20k signing bonus) I always knew I would play one lovely punk rock song I heard on a Tony Hawk sound track when I was a stupid kid. I loving swear though if I didn’t blast out of those gates blasting Seneca Falls by The Distillers singing along as I sped the gently caress down the newly filled warehouse backroads of Vegas.
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Jul 2, 2019 04:25
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I can't recommend Swiss airports. We flew out of Geneva last weekend and as it was 4am there was nobody else around the checkout, so instead of wandering round 500m of winding queues I ducked under a single plastic barrier as a shortcut. I was immediately accosted by a floor walker and was told in no uncertain terms that I had to walk to the start of the queue and do the whole circuit again if I wanted to be checked in. I had basically been awake for days so was incredibly tempted to kick off but you don't gently caress with airport staff if you want to make your flight. An unbelievably beautiful country but sadly full of the loving Swiss; our transfer driver shamelessly dropped rancid cheese guffs all the way to Montreux too, although at least had the good grace to look embarrassed when someone finally broke and begged him to open a window. darkwasthenight fucked around with this message at 19:19 on Jul 2, 2019 |
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Jul 2, 2019 05:15
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Yeah, that's the Swiss alright. I work for a biotech company owned by a Swiss group. We do a ton of GxP validated work to comply with regulations. The Americans are cool with it and I'm like "20 pages of initials for every checkbox to set up a PC in Manufacturing, whatever". The Swiss on the other hand, live and breathe The Process. If their Army ever implements a reporting standard for being rendered combat-ineffective they will be immortal.
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Jul 2, 2019 06:16
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mllaneza posted:Yeah, that's the Swiss alright. If we're talking about the same company pRED is pretty relaxed with me 
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Jul 2, 2019 14:11
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I have a friend working in Geneva right now. He says german switzerland is cool but the french swiss are assholes.
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Jul 2, 2019 18:06
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Well of course the GERMAN swiss would say that about french swiss.
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Jul 2, 2019 18:18
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Zürich is cool, albeit crazy expensive.
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Jul 2, 2019 18:19
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CainFortea posted:Well of course the GERMAN swiss would say that about french swiss. He’s second generation American (but his family is Argentinian German, soooooo)
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Jul 2, 2019 20:20
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Vincent Van Goatse posted:Actually, being a white dude in a suit and tie at an airport is a wonderful lifehack because everyone mistakes you for someone who might somehow be able to screw them over, so you get slightly better service. I do this whenever I can while travelling, especially bouncing around Europe. Everyone just assumes you're important and treats you better. Of course there's like a 1 in 5 chance it backfires and you get mugged or kidnapped because someone assumes you have money, but hey, you roll the dice.
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Jul 2, 2019 20:23
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Best airport I've ever visited was Siam Reap International. We hosed up filing for our visas, so instead of doing the administrative rigmarole at the airport, we paid 70 bucks to the nice security guard and he sped us right through without even checking our bags. Probably over-paid him, but given that the cost of the visas was 30 bucks per person and there were 3 of us, it was still money well spent. e: There was a special security line that said "Monks only". I couldn't believe it until I saw a bunch of Buddhist monks go zooming through. They had to take off their sandals for xrays (????), but that was it. Vengarr fucked around with this message at 20:50 on Jul 2, 2019 |
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Jul 2, 2019 20:48
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Vengarr posted:e: There was a special security line that said "Monks only". I couldn't believe it until I saw a bunch of Buddhist monks go zooming through. They had to take off their sandals for xrays (????), but that was it. If you can't trust the monks, who can you trust?
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Jul 2, 2019 20:52
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Worst airport experience was flying out of Frankfurt a couple years ago. I got there a little early planning on getting through security and having a few beers before I got to my gate. Turns out, there weren’t any bars beyond the initial security gate. Then I got tagged for an additional security check going into the gate, where I was told I would need to go through that security check again if I left the gate area. No big deal, until the coffee I drank caught up to me and I realized that there were no bathrooms in the gate area. Having to go through extra security every time I needed to piss was worse than any TSA experience I’ve ever had. The only fun part of that trip was when we were boarding the plane, the attendant made the courtesy “All active duty military can board first” announcement. The look of disgust and annoyance on the faces of the dozen or so people waiting in the premium fancy-pants exclusive line as a hundred people stood up and crowded their plane before they could board made the extra security checks worth it.
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Jul 2, 2019 21:02
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I went through Nuremberg airport in 83 at the height of the "Evil Empire " days. You not only went through metal detectors, you stuff was x-rayed and you got patted down. I was bringing back a 5 liter micro keg in my carry on. Not surprisingly, a large metal object going on a plane back then (this was around the time that one star got kidnapped) got anothe lot of attention. And their people carried machine pistols. I got grabbed by the arm as they opened my bag. They pulled my.bag open to show the giant can and I said "Ist gut Deutches bier" and luckily for me they all had a good chuckle and let me through. It was good beer, too.
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Jul 2, 2019 22:34
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bulletsponge13 posted:Coming home on midtour, I had a can of raviolis in my bag- I've been in the Army enough to know that they will gently caress up your travel, and leave you without poo poo. It gets picked up by the scanner. I explain, they say I can't touch my bag. "You can throw them away. That's fine." I assumed this couldn't be the pasta dish, so I checked urban dictionary for raviolis and I don't think it's that either.
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Jul 2, 2019 22:35
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Pasta dish. Like a can of Chef Boyardee.
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Jul 2, 2019 23:10
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every airport that I've been in outside of the United States when somebody in security sees my cane I get ushered through the VIP line. US? Well better hope I can sit on my carry-on because I can't stand for the 45 minutes it takes to get through security so half the time I end up having to use the wheelchair service which is humiliating for me because I worked really hard to get out of the loving wheelchair and I never want to end up in another one.
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Jul 2, 2019 23:13
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MrUnderbridge posted:I went through Nuremberg airport in 83 at the height of the "Evil Empire " days. You not only went through metal detectors, you stuff was x-rayed and you got patted down. I was bringing back a 5 liter micro keg in my carry on. Not surprisingly, a large metal object going on a plane back then (this was around the time that one star got kidnapped) got anothe lot of attention. And their people carried machine pistols. I got grabbed by the arm as they opened my bag. They pulled my.bag open to show the giant can and I said "Ist gut Deutches bier" and luckily for me they all had a good chuckle and let me through. Someone older than Greenmeat? 
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Jul 2, 2019 23:22
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pkells posted:The only fun part of that trip was when we were boarding the plane, the attendant made the courtesy “All active duty military can board first” announcement. The look of disgust and annoyance on the faces of the dozen or so people waiting in the premium fancy-pants exclusive line as a hundred people stood up and crowded their plane before they could board made the extra security checks worth it. This still doesnt make sense to me. Why is boarding first a status thing? A high status should mean you get to be the one that spends the least amount of time on onboarding, last on/first off. I wait as long as I can before I get on the plane whether I'm flying coach or business cause gently caress sitting on a plane when I dont have to. Plus, it would be faster to board the people at the back of the plane first, instead of having everyone jammed in the aisles.
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Jul 3, 2019 01:36
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lightpole posted:This still doesnt make sense to me. Why is boarding first a status thing? A high status should mean you get to be the one that spends the least amount of time on onboarding, last on/first off. I wait as long as I can before I get on the plane whether I'm flying coach or business cause gently caress sitting on a plane when I dont have to. Plus, it would be faster to board the people at the back of the plane first, instead of having everyone jammed in the aisles. First dibs on overhead compartment space
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Jul 3, 2019 01:37
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lightpole posted:This still doesnt make sense to me. Why is boarding first a status thing? A high status should mean you get to be the one that spends the least amount of time on onboarding, last on/first off. I wait as long as I can before I get on the plane whether I'm flying coach or business cause gently caress sitting on a plane when I dont have to. Plus, it would be faster to board the people at the back of the plane first, instead of having everyone jammed in the aisles. You're guaranteed to have room for your stuff in the overhead if you want, and on some airlines you don't have assigned seating. Plus the obvious "not waiting in line so long."
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Jul 3, 2019 01:41
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I flew out of Berlin in 1982 with a Smith-Corona electric typewriter in a steel travel case. I dropped it on the X-Ray belt and all sorts of alarms went off. They were not happy about that.
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Jul 3, 2019 01:42
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Godholio posted:on some airlines you don't have assigned seating You loving what? How?
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Jul 3, 2019 01:44
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You've never heard of Southwest? It's a common thing on cheaper airlines.
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Jul 3, 2019 01:45
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