/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

I am not allowed to boycott Israel, and can only buy specific brands of hummus at my local grocery store. As an employee working for a FINRA regulated company (Financial Industry Regulatory Authority) I must report all purchases of ground peachick to my employers to remain compliant with the privately run, extra-autonomous authority of FINRA. Also trades and stuff too, but the hummus is the important part.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:10

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# ? May 9, 2024 05:53

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Barudak posted:

Of course they wont, the hole is in the bucket

I know but then the joke didn't work

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:14

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Me: I thought Sabra brand was Israeli!!! I had no idea it was run by locals in the Southern California region! I thought I was supporting Israel! It sounded so Jewy, I don't know many Jews and not through any fault of my own OH GOD please have mercy!!!

FINRA Board: You are no longer a financial professional. We hereby strip you of all of your certifications. Also, you can not be employed as an educator in any state that seceded from the Union.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:16

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

My cousin just posted another image macro on Facebook about being into choking. I thought you guys might like to know.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:18

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Dazerbeams posted:

My cousin just posted another image macro on Facebook about being into choking. I thought you guys might like to know.

Sorry, cant help, Ive already got my hands full

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:22

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

My [20F] boyfriend [20M] guilt trips me for wanting to use something I own

I�ve been with my boyfriend for over a year, we don�t live together so we don�t really �share� anything like extremely important.

My boyfriend likes his video games, like the usual younger guy. He owned a PS4 when I met him, I myself will play and generally enjoy video games so we play together often. My boyfriend only had one controller for his PS4 and I bought him a second one once just so I can play with him.

I grew up on nintendo stuff, I heard about the nintendo switch and I bought one for myself.

My boyfriend became very very interested when I got it, and I�ve probably owned it about 8 months now. He offered to pay $100 of the total when I got it if he could borrow it every now and then and I agreed.

To put in vision: I paid 300+/400+, have bought 5 games (4 of them $80, one was $16)

My boyfriend paid: 100/400+, bought one $80 game

Since i�ve had it, it�s probably been in my house for like 5 days total within those 8 months. This isn�t my switch anymore. I usually go over to his house more than he does here, so when i�m over and we play it isn�t a problem but i�m serious, he won�t let me take it home.

I�ve tried, and he gets all silent when I try to leave with it. It�s like a child and i�m speechless, he always complains how he�ll have �nothing to do now� and basically makes me feel guilty for taking something that�s mine.

He has a PS4 but currently letting a friend borrow it, but this was just recently and doesn�t excuse the other months of struggle. I ask him to maybe just ask for his PS4 back but he just wants this switch.

I ask him maybe he should get his own, but he can�t afford one and we both know that. But i�m lost on what to do, it�s such a small thing we share, and I don�t even feel like I own it, I have to ask him when i�m over to play my own console or if I can have a turn. How should I handle it as I feel like we�re siblings who can�t share and it�s frustrating. We are literally in our 20s and this situation is just baffling to me. Other than this frustrating thing we are in a pretty healthy relationship.

TL;DR : I bought a nintendo switch and my boyfriend borrows it but basically controls it now. He won�t let me take it without guilt tripping or complaining about it, how do i handle this immature argument?

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:22

Barudak: May 7, 2007

See the great thing about the switch is its portable, so you can play it on the go while you leave him

Cumshitter, Im gonna send you so many unasked for cases of Cedar's Hommus your poo poo will have a zesty twist

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:25

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

FactsAreUseless posted:

Nah, if there's one thing I learned from dear Liza, it's that a hole in your pocket never goes anywhere.

I got this one, but there is also a song by little Jimmy Dickens that is actually called " I got a hole in my pocket."

It also seems to fit the thread pretty well since he's talking about not having enough money to go to the fair, and what he imagines his girlfriend is doing with other guys in his absence since he isn't going.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:34

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [20F] boyfriend [20M] guilt trips me for wanting to use something I own

Beat his lil' rear end. Kids who can't share are gonna grow up hosed up.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:36

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for mocking my cousin's mental disability?

Oh lol

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:49

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for cutting my friend out of my life upon hearing his intention to marry a homophobic woman?

I was glad that he is happy, but that as a gay man I find some of her views personally offensive

Only a few mutual friends know, as the engagement aspect makes the fallout fairly hush hush, but the opinion so far has been pretty split with some people understanding my point of view but others claiming that I�m the rear end in a top hat for �throwing away� a long term friendship over personal belief differences.

"personal belief differences" She's a loving bigot.

gently caress people who carry water for pieces of poo poo like her and the ex-friend.

And any person who tells you that you have to accept bigots in your life just because the bigot's hate doesn't affect them.

Dump them all in the trash and move on with the rest of your life with people who don't view you as subhuman.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 07:56

venus de lmao: Apr 30, 2007; Call me "pixeltits"

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [20F] boyfriend [20M] guilt trips me for wanting to use something I own

Buy him out. Give him back the $100 he contributed and moonwalk right the gently caress on out of there.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 08:01

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for rescinding my donation and causing a few other folks to refuse donating to an drug-free organization?
As this was in a downtown area, its fairly common for folks to set up stalls for charities, girls scout cookies, etc.

With this being a high traffic area of rather affluent individuals ( high end shops, restaurants, etc.), there was a decent amount of people donating, and feeling charitable, I stood in line to donate as well.

This is really confusing to me. Even besides the fact that DARE still exists and solicits donations, do people really stand in line to donate hundreds of dollars at a makeshift stall on the street? The only street donations I've ever seen are kids selling chocolate/cookies/etc for their sports teams and the salvation army.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 08:28

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

This is really confusing to me. Even besides the fact that DARE still exists and solicits donations, do people really stand in line to donate hundreds of dollars at a makeshift stall on the street? The only street donations I've ever seen are kids selling chocolate/cookies/etc for their sports teams and the salvation army.

One of the people waiting in line was Albert Einstein.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 08:32

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Barudak posted:

Related I had to sign a document today that avows that I am neither a "Rogue calling for Social Activities"

Did you ask them why they hate D&D so much? And why they specifically call out Rogues and not any other class?

# ? Jul 4, 2019 09:29

Barudak: May 7, 2007

MagusofStars posted:

Did you ask them why they hate D&D so much? And why they specifically call out Rogues and not any other class?

I assume its an undead heavy account and they didnt want some charisma rogue showing up to client meetings

# ? Jul 4, 2019 09:54

DeadMansSuspenders: Jan 10, 2012; I wanna be your left hand man

Swastika tattoo cousin story is a little too on the nose, but it's pretty freaking funny so I'll give it to him.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 12:09

AreWeDrunkYet: Jul 8, 2006

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [20F] boyfriend [20M] guilt trips me for wanting to use something I own

It's almost heartwarming when the giant red flags are spotted this early, before she's wondering why she's working shortly after having a kid to support the husband's powerboat.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 12:48

MLKQUOTEMACHINE: Oct 22, 2012; Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill

Smirking_Serpent posted:

ITA for exploiting my wife�s drinking skills for $100?

So my wife, in the past, had a bit of an alcohol problem. She recognized it before it got out of hand and now very rarely drinks, like, three or four times a year. But still drinks. We were at a bar this weekend with my old Army buddies and she was sipping on a ginger beer (non-alcoholic, like a fancy gingerale) and we were all having a good time. Somehow my friend H got the bartender to pour him a full rocks glass of bourbon. No ice or anything. Probably 6oz of straight liquor.

He put it down as a �no-balls� test and said he�d give $100 if someone could drink it in one go. I knew my wife could do it, she used to drink bourbon like water. So me and another friend who knows her well were like �Come on Trish, it�s $100, You can do it.�

She did it. He expected one of the guys to do it, so he was really impressed and gave us $200 he had in his wallet.

Today she obviously felt like poo poo and is kind of pissed at me for pressuring her. I feel bad too, I was drunk and trying to flex in front of my friends, but it was her decision. AITA for using my wife�s talent to get us $200?

Just give her the $200 and you're no longer an rear end in a top hat.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 15:03

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

MasBrillante posted:

He�s an rear end in a top hat for telling his friend who is still in school. What outcome could he possibly have expected?

His first customer obvs

# ? Jul 4, 2019 15:08

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

AITA for not telling my best friend I'm dating her uncle?

quote:

Sorry for the formatting, I'm on mobile.

I (17M) met her (17F) uncle (38M) a couple of months ago, because he lost his job and he had to come live with her family since he couldn't afford rent anymore (he is looking for a new job right now).

We liked each other instantly and he asked me out like three days after we met. At first I didn't tell anyone cause I was kinda iffy about the age difference, but he's really sweet and he doesn't pressure me into going too fast or anything. But then I didn't tell her because I'm worried she'll be mad at me for sleeping with her family member, and she'll want to cut me off her life, like I've seen in a few threads in this sub.

Still every time we hang out I feel awful for lying to her about something so big. My boyfriend (her uncle) doesn't really have an opinion on wether I tell her or not but he really likes to play devil's advocate and he says that I don't owe her any details about my love life. Basically, I'm just really confused. AITA?

# ? Jul 4, 2019 15:43

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

cumshitter posted:

I am not allowed to boycott Israel, and can only buy specific brands of hummus at my local grocery store. As an employee working for a FINRA regulated company (Financial Industry Regulatory Authority) I must report all purchases of ground peachick to my employers to remain compliant with the privately run, extra-autonomous authority of FINRA. Also trades and stuff too, but the hummus is the important part.

Did you get your 7 before they broke it up?

# ? Jul 4, 2019 15:46

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for not telling my best friend I'm dating her uncle?

hope that dude's wife doesn't see this, it'll give her more ammo for her belief that gays are pedophiles

# ? Jul 4, 2019 15:47

TheKennedys: Sep 23, 2006; By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for not telling my best friend I'm dating her uncle?

more and more my reaction to this thread is just an ongoing :aaaaa:

# ? Jul 4, 2019 15:48

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for not telling my best friend I'm dating her uncle?

Anytime, literally anytime at all, that you�re loving someone half/twice your age is worth a second look, IMO. Something is going on there.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:14

EL BROMANCE: Jun 10, 2006; COWABUNGA DUDES!
🥷🐢😬

Great, now I�ve got Uncle Fucker from South Park stuck in my head.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:21

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

The thing is, anytime your friend is loving someone who lives on your couch, you already know it. They both think you don't know it, because sex makes people stupid. You know it.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:23

Saros: Dec 29, 2009; Its almost like we're a Bureaucracy, in space!

I set sail for the Planet of Lab Requisitions!!

Husband [M 29] lied to me [F 28] about dating a mutual acquaintance during the formation of our relationship and won�t apologize.

quote:

When my husband and I first met several years ago, it was from an online dating website. I was seeing a few other people casually at the time, so I mentioned it and asked if he was seeing anyone. He said no and I said I had broken things off with the others and wanted to be monogamous; he was happy and wanted to be monogamous too.

Maybe a week after we were Facebook official, a girl I knew from college messaged me saying how happy she was for us and that he was a great guy. He had told me they met on a dating app but just decided to be friends. When she messaged me, she told me about how they were hanging out at his house and he was telling her about his date with me. Sounds like a regular friendship, so, cool; he said he didn�t remember her over at his house or telling her anything about me. I shrugged it off, that was that, and we dated and got engaged and married over the next several years.

Just this past year, he slipped up and something about her hanging at his house after their date together (they were playing a video game that night and our discussion was about the game). As soon as he said it, he kinda clammed up and realized he had said something he didn�t mean to. I asked a little more about it and he said he was trying to figure out how he felt about her after having a date with me to decide who to move forward with. Not friends like he had said before. And he did remember she was over at his house after we had started seeing each other.

I feel betrayed and lied to. I asked him outright about it and he said he wasn�t seeing anyone and I asked about her hanging at his house and he said he didn�t remember it; both of those now are false. To make it more awkward, I know her and she messages me from time to time. Whenever I see a tv show where the husband lies about seeing someone or their intentions, I get reminded of this and it hurts.

My husband has refused to apologize and says he did nothing wrong. He still holds true that they were just friends at the time and thinks that I�m overreacting by getting upset about it.

I�d love some help reframing my viewpoint or seeing other sides because it�s still bugging me like a year later. It feels like from the beginning we started with a big fat lie and I don�t know how to get over it. Help?

TL;DR my husband said he wasn�t dating anyone when we first met, but slipped up years later and revealed that he was sorta seeing someone I knew from college to figure out his feelings for her and me; he refuses to apologize and says they were only friends and I�m overreacting.

Excuse me while I burn down my marriage over the fact my husband went on a date with someone else, several years ago, before we were official. Husband seems kinda dumb about it too (shocking I know).

Saros fucked around with this message at 16:32 on Jul 4, 2019

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:25

Johnny Truant: Jul 22, 2008

Dazerbeams posted:

My cousin just posted another image macro on Facebook about being into choking. I thought you guys might like to know.

this just reminded me that a coworker shared an image that was from a fb group called like "Positive Polyamoury" or something and i think i made an audible "ughhhh" noise when i saw it then immediately unfollowed them

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:27

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Saros posted:

Husband [M 29] lied to me [F 28] about dating a mutual acquaintance during the formation of our relationship and won�t apologize.

Excuse me while I burn down my marriage over the fact my husband went on a date with someone else, several years ago, before we were official. Husband seems kinda dumb about it too (shocking I know).

Pretty simple, write to Netflix and ask them to put a viewer discretion if a husband is going to lie in a TV show.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:27

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

Saros posted:

Husband [M 29] lied to me [F 28] about dating a mutual acquaintance during the formation of our relationship and won�t apologize.

Excuse me while I burn down my marriage over the fact my husband went on a date with someone else, several years ago, before we were official. Husband seems kinda dumb about it too (shocking I know).

he's making it worse by acting so weird about it. makes me think there might be more going on there

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:31

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

100% of people who post about sex on social media are losers who think they gently caress real good

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:33

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Buy him out. Give him back the $100 he contributed and moonwalk right the gently caress on out of there.

Just take it & go, if he don't like it, toss him a Benjamin & be like "there, you're 1/4 of the way to buying your own"

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:35

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Bust Rodd posted:

100% of people who post about sex on social media are losers who think they gently caress real good

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:38

M.C. McMic: Nov 8, 2008; The Weight room
Is your friend

Saros posted:

Husband [M 29] lied to me [F 28] about dating a mutual acquaintance during the formation of our relationship and won�t apologize.

Excuse me while I burn down my marriage over the fact my husband went on a date with someone else, several years ago, before we were official. Husband seems kinda dumb about it too (shocking I know).

My husband chose me over another woman that he went out with while dating, HELP!!

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:50

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

Bust Rodd posted:

100% of people who post about sex on social media are losers who think they gently caress real good

That's why you go to the Good Sex Advisory Board and get one of the pamphlets that has a handy dichotomous key that will let you know if you are having good (and up to code) sexual relations.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:52

Azerban: Oct 28, 2003

Pinecone Sample posted:

Pretty simple, write to Netflix and ask them to put a viewer discretion if a husband is going to lie in a TV show.

doesthehusbandlie.com

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:53

Dixie Cretin Seaman: Jan 22, 2008; all hat and one catte; Hot Rope Guy

DemoneeHo posted:

My husband (34M) hooks up with a ton of guys from Grindr and tells me (24F) all about it.

blah blah blah, open relationships, divorce, yadda yadda yadda...

You know what, gently caress it. Go for it.

If he gets dick every night, you deserve all the dick you want, too

so find another bi dude and gently caress him together? a straight-forward solution for her

# ? Jul 4, 2019 16:59

Saros: Dec 29, 2009; Its almost like we're a Bureaucracy, in space!

I set sail for the Planet of Lab Requisitions!!

See if you can guess the search term without the spoilers: "Socks"

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [26M] of two months, am I right to be weirded out by his behavior?

quote:

I recently noticed that while my boyfriend was dressing he put a pair of rolled-up tube socks into his boxers. I was like 'wtf' because I've never seen anything like this before but I didn't bring it up at the time because...I just felt weird talking about the socks in his boxers.

As I thought about it, though, I realized that it had apparently 'worked' on me because when I first met him I saw his pants and (no shame) was like 'drat'.

I worked up the courage to ask him about it yesterday and he said that "everyone does it" just like girls stuffing their bras or whatever.

Is he right? Is this normal? It's obviously not a dealbreaker or whatever but I can't wrap my mind around this being the case. Am I insane?

tl;dr: I found my bf putting socks in his boxers, he was cool about it and said that all guys do it? Do I just need to get over it?

My (20/F) bf (20/M) won't take his socks off. It's affecting his professional life and super weird..

quote:

tl;dr: Bf refuses to take off his socks ever. It recently caused him to embarrass himself in front of his coworkers. Starting to be concerned...

My BF (30M) and I (27F) - Dating over 3 years - breaking up over socks argument, am I being silly?

quote:

tl;dr: My BF doesn't wash his socks for 2 weeks, I reacted badly and he got angry with a string of "I don't care, I wont be told what to do, I don't care what you think " and stormed off. I am sick of him storming off but am i overreacting?

I [28M] recently started "officially" seeing girlfriend [23F] for about 2 months now. She only wears 1 pair of socks and they smell so bad. What should I do? (not trolling)

Title says it all really.

I am disgusted by this and I NEED advice before my fiance gets home...

quote:

28m/25f- dating 8 years, living together for 4 years, engaged almost a year.

My fiance had a problem with jerking off and using "nice feeling" clothes to clean up with, and i would find them and be grossed out. Then he started using my expensive clothes and we had some pretty huge fights about respecting my things. He would shove them into drawers or hide them in the closet, but I do the laundry so I would find them every time.

This has not happened in nearly a year, then today I found a very expensive shirt of mine covered in semen behind storage bins in his closet (I was swapping out winter clothes for summer clothes, not snooping).

He claims not remembering using my shirt and that it must have been a long time ago, but the shirt was a Christmas present so it was within the last three months. Regardless of hot long ago it was, it still should never have happened.

How do I get the point across to him that it is completely disrespectful to me to use my things for that purpose? Am I over-reacting getting angry about this?

TL-DR my fiance uses my expensive clothes as cum rags.

# ? Jul 4, 2019 17:01

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# ? May 9, 2024 05:53

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

men are too headache

# ? Jul 4, 2019 17:02

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