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AITA I corrected my gay friend on his sexual history at the blood drive we went to together and he got deferred as a result. Now he is angry with me. A friend/co-worker of mine came back furious that he was deferred for blood donation this afternoon at the blood drive because he is a gay man. As far as I know (from what he tells me), he is monogamous with his husband and has had several negative HIV tests in the past. When we arrived we needed to fill out a questionnaire and we were doing it together. There was a question about whether he has had sex with a man in the past 12 months and he answered no. I said to him that’s not accurate because he told me for a fact he and his husband had a lot of sex while on vacation in Maui in July. He said that doesn’t count because he and his husband are monogamous and have been together for 5+ years. I told him pretty objectively that the questionnaire isn’t asking him that. The staff must have overheard our conversation and came to explain to my friend why he is ineligible to donate at this time. Apparently the federal guidelines for blood donation stipulate that men who have sex with men (MSM) must abstain from sex with men for 12 months before they are eligible to give blood. While they test all donors for infectious agents, the tests can be falsely negative if the gay or bisexual donor contract HIV or some STI just before donating and is still in the “window period” before the tests come up positive. This makes perfect sense to me and I was trying to explain to my friend why the staff needed to turn him away. Even though self-reports can be truthful, creating a policy around data and clinical experience with MSM makes perfect sense to me. I’m sure we all know gay people who are lovely and responsible. But I was trying to explain to my friend why the clinical people at the CDC or FDA or whatever cannot rely on anecdotes when making policy. Well now he is ignoring me and telling his husband I’m a homophobe. Even though I feel really bad for him, I don’t think I was unreasonable. Update: My friend and I had a discussion about this. He actually apologized for the way he reacted yesterday and we talked it out this morning. I also showed him the post and the comments here and he has very strong opinions about some of what people have written but I will not repeat them. Thank you everyone for the information and constructive thoughts.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:17
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Whoops
Scathach fucked around with this message at 21:21 on Aug 28, 2019 |
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Aug 28, 2019 21:17
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA I corrected my gay friend on his sexual history at the blood drive we went to together and he got deferred as a result. Now he is angry with me. now this is a guy who has an opinion on dress codes
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Aug 28, 2019 21:20
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Surprise! You're a homophobe! Also stupid as poo poo. God why do people suck so bad.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:26
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Rubellavator posted:Just imagine the disgusting old people you work with coming into work in tank tops and shorts and you can begin to understand the idea of a dress code. We actually don't have anyone older than 30! We tried, but all of the older people came in either with a bunch of preconceived notions for how everything works or having really weird personality quirks that make you realize why they're 50 and unable to hold down a job for more than a year. As far as young people go, we only had two really scummy guys anyway. One got fired for being hideously incompetent at everything and bragging about how smart he was, the other got fired after we caught him using our card makers to make a fake ID.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:26
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Motronic posted:As long as you you stand up from your desk at the end of the day and proclaim "I'M PUNCHIN' OUT!", rip it off and walk out of the office I don't see a problem. For us you have to be beyond the doorway of the office than you can tearaway. hawowanlawow posted:it's because the guy keeps saying it's inappropriate instead of just throwing his hands up and going "boy yeah it's pretty stupid" like everyone else Coredump posted:I can definitely think on instances where we've sent students to assist staff in various locations in the college and have later received complaints about students not being dressed appropriately for the office they were assisting in. The thing is for us, we don't know where we may have to send a student that day, so they need to be dressed to a minimum standard. If that doesn't answer it then it would along the lines of why a polo shirt is acceptable for regular staff to wear but a t-shirt is not (for full time college staff). Each place of employment will usually draw a line SOMEWHERE of what the minimum is. As for where exactly that line is drawn for each place, that would be a thread in itself. Where I worked we asked for polos and pants but if you managed to show in t-shirt and pants that worked. The students wanted to be able to wear shorts and I wanted them to as well but for our department that was a no go. chitoryu12 posted:It's almost like it doesn't matter and arbitrary dress codes are sexist and unfairly forced! We have definitely made male student workers change for holes in knees, etc. We had one kid who his belly kept being exposed every time he raised his arms and some of my other student workers complained to me about it saying it made them uncomfortable and it was gross. That student worker was told to either wear longer shirts he could tuck in or wear undershirts so as to not expose himself. I worked with a very diverse set of students. Not everyone has the same comfort level in regards to levels of exposure of dress.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:27
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Oh my loving god.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:28
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Isn't college supposed to push you out of your comfort zones? Like if someone can't deal with seeing another student's belly they're not going to deal with the real world well at all lol.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:28
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for refusing to take down a picture of my fiancés daughter from my Instagram at her moms request? Huge, gaping rear end in a top hat. Don't post pics of other people's kids online. Or your own kids until they are old enough to decide if they want their picture to be online.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:30
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Scathach posted:Isn't college supposed to push you out of your comfort zones? Like if someone can't deal with seeing another student's belly they're not going to deal with the real world well at all lol. HR managers need their safe space where they’re able to pretend skin is fake. Imagine being the kind of person who goes into conniptions over a shirt riding up slightly by accident.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:36
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Scathach posted:Isn't college supposed to push you out of your comfort zones? Like if someone can't deal with seeing another student's belly they're not going to deal with the real world well at all lol. the more valuable lesson is that high school never actually ends and rats always win
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Aug 28, 2019 21:43
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chitoryu12 posted:HR managers need their safe space where they’re able to pretend skin is fake. At your place of work, where is the line drawn for what you have to wear?
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Aug 28, 2019 21:45
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Wearing a Batman tank top to work today on my "fat" size 10 body. gently caress the heat, fuzzy armpits out. Working with dementia patients is pretty alright. E still can't believe people are such dicks about weddings. Like seriously.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:53
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Coredump posted:At your place of work, where is the line drawn for what you have to wear? Normal clothes? Just look like a regular person coming in and out. If you’re not outright wearing underwear, a bikini, or your pajamas I won’t really care or notice. The only time I would draw anything stricter is if there’s a chance of someone who is a conservative prick showing up and throwing a fit because someone had a hole in their jeans. People show up all the time in shorts or dresses with exposed shoulders. I’ve come in shorts and an aloha shirt covered in WW2 aircraft because I was going straight to a tiki bar after work.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:54
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chitoryu12 posted:Normal clothes? Just look like a regular person coming in and out. If you’re not outright wearing underwear, a bikini, or your pajamas I won’t really care or notice. The only time I would draw anything stricter is if there’s a chance of someone who is a conservative prick showing up and throwing a fit because someone had a hole in their jeans. People show up all the time in shorts or dresses with exposed shoulders. I’ve come in shorts and an aloha shirt covered in WW2 aircraft because I was going straight to a tiki bar after work. Bare midriffs ok?
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Aug 28, 2019 21:57
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Jesus Christ shut up Girlfriend (26) started antagonizing me (32) over a song I was listening to. I said something back, she escalated, and we haven't spoken since. quote:Yesterday I was minding my own business, trying to get some work done on my laptop and listening to music. A song I like, Lua, by Bright Eyes started playing. My girlfriend started mocking it, singing along and replacing the lyrics with stuff like "I'm a low test male," and I was like, "Hey, don't make fun of Bright Eyes, this is good stuff," but she kept going, "I make my voice sound all shaky so it sounds like I'm crying." And I'm just so blind-sided, like, where is this all coming from? She continues, "I'm 200,000 dollars in debt because I got an art degree."
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Aug 28, 2019 21:58
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Dress codes are supposed to be to keep lovely clothing out but it’s kind of evolved into just weirdos bringing their specific hang ups to the workplace. Honestly hygiene enforcement is more important for workplace happiness but that is a lot less enforced for obvious reasons
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Aug 28, 2019 21:58
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therobit posted:Huge, gaping rear end in a top hat. Don't post pics of other people's kids online. Or your own kids until they are old enough to decide if they want their picture to be online. Yeah I mean 35k followers? Odds are pretty good at least 1 of them is a pedophile. And with that many followers it's the equivalent of publicly publishing the kids photo for the whole loving world to see. I might see her point if it was a private account where only her friends and family are her followers but in this situation she's the loving rear end in a top hat.
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Aug 28, 2019 22:17
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I hated donating blood at my previous workplace so I figured out that I could get out of it if I either had gay sex or a tattoo within the last 12 months. So I went to my local tattoo artist. We stood in front of a mirror and then he hosed me up the rear end while giving me a full Yakuza style back tattoo of him loving me up the rear end. Worked like a charm, never had to give blood again. He still calls me occasionally asking when I plan to come in and get it colored in.
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Aug 28, 2019 22:18
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Coredump posted:Bare midriffs ok? Happened before. Don’t give a poo poo because we’re not pervs. I have too much work to waste energy on policing belly buttons.
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Aug 28, 2019 22:20
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chitoryu12 posted:Happened before. Don’t give a poo poo because we’re not pervs. I have too much work to waste energy on policing belly buttons. If bare midriffs are ok then you gotta recognize your workplace is an outlier in how lax the dress code is and to judge other work places because your's is so lax is pretty disingenuous. Where ever you draw the line as to what makes up "normal clothes".
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Aug 28, 2019 22:27
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Fight with my [29M] gf [28F] over last name, reconsidering relationshipquote:Me: 29M Wendy: 28F I'll take 'controlling rear end in a top hat' for 300. Although now I kinda want to know what the name is.
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Aug 28, 2019 22:28
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I never even see my clients except for what fits through the
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Aug 28, 2019 22:35
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chitoryu12 posted:AITA for refusing to pay my brother back for "damage and lost income" when the kids I were baby sitting set off a can of bear repellent (mace) in his Airbnb? To me he left something very dangerous in the reach of kids. Funny enough.
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Aug 28, 2019 22:43
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Coredump posted:If bare midriffs are ok then you gotta recognize your workplace is an outlier in how lax the dress code is and to judge other work places because your's is so lax is pretty disingenuous. Where ever you draw the line as to what makes up "normal clothes". Maybe the outliers have it right.
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Aug 28, 2019 22:45
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LadyPictureShow posted:Jesus Christ shut up The bright eyes stuff was pretty funny but she definitely has some pent up resentment over his art degree
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Aug 28, 2019 22:55
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Cythereal posted:Fight with my [29M] gf [28F] over last name, reconsidering relationship I like how she's not his ~wife~ without his surname, just "a woman he happens to be married to." NOT WIFE IF NOT POSSESSION!
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Aug 28, 2019 22:57
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AITA for not letting my boyfriend’s sister go with us to the renaissance festival? Hi everybody. My boyfriend and I (20M, 20F) have been together for a little over 2 years. Every year, I plan for us to go to the renaissance festival because he has never been and it’s one of my favorite things in the world and I know he’d love it as well, but something always happens and we haven’t been able to go. This year, we finally can. A few days before we planned to go, his sister (23F) asked if she could go with us. His sister asks to go places with us all the time, and I have never said no. I am very close with his family and I do enjoy spending time with them, and his sister and I get along well. Anyway, he told his sister that I probably wouldn’t mind, before asking me. I did mind.. I have been planning this as a date for us for a long time, since he has never been, and if his sister went with us, we would not be able to completely be ourselves, as she is a little prude.. meaning she doesn’t swear at all, doesn’t have the same sense of humor as us, (for example, she wouldn’t find the pickle guy’s jokes funny) etc. Since this will be my boyfriend’s first time there, and I planned to buy the tickets and everything, I really want him to fully enjoy himself, because he is always a bit more reserved around his family (just how he is). Since she still wanted to spend time with us regardless, she asked us to go to the state fair with her on Labor Day, and of course I said yes. However, I still feel like a jerk, because she has never been to the renaissance festival either. Was I an rear end in a top hat for not letting her go with us? Edit - Since a few people are assuming he’s not going to like it and I want him to go just because I like it, the very first things we bonded over and shared in common was our love for World of Warcraft, Game of thrones, and Lord of the Rings... so we are both pretty big nerds. I think it’s safe to assume he’ll enjoy it. This is why I’m so adamant and excited about taking him.
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Aug 28, 2019 23:03
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Cythereal posted:Fight with my [29M] gf [28F] over last name, reconsidering relationship I wouldn't want my name to be Wendy Weiner either
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Aug 28, 2019 23:04
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My friend [28/f] chastised me [28/f] for using condoms with my husband [30/m]. She got her fiance [m?] involved. I’ve been married now for three years and my husband and I use condoms as a form of birth control and have been for the past two years. I didn’t think anything of this until I had a friend visit yesterday and she found a condom wrapper in one of the guest bathrooms. Usually we’d check for things like this before guests come over but this was an unexpected visit. Instead of ignoring it as any decent person would do, Anne told me in a very rude tone that she doesn’t understand why married people would use condoms and said what’s the purpose of being married if you’re going to use condoms. She went on until I told her to stop. I was on the pill for many years and I first started when I was 15 because of endometriosis. When I was 17, I tried the depo shot and it was fine for a few months but then I had extremely painful spotting and other side effects and had to stop. I got back on the pill and when I went to college I tried the depo shot again to see if maybe it would be better for me years later but it wasn’t. When I was 21 and had my first pap smear, I asked my doctor about an IUD but the sounding was extremely painful for me and then my body expelled it which was even more painful. I was devastated because I felt like I wen through pain for no reason. My doctor told me that she could give me a new one but my body had a high chance of rejecting it again so I just went back on the pill. The pill had been wonderful for so long but a few years ago I started to get extremely nauseous on the pill and had bad migraines. A year ago, my periods started lasting for a month at time and no matter what brand my doctor gave me, I’d have the extended bleeding which sucked with my endo. The last straw was when I started having heavier bleeding to the point that I was using an overnight pad every hour. My doctor found a small fibroid and said that she wanted me off of hormones because it could get bigger. My husband had been wanting me to stop the birth control for a while because I was so miserable and it’s been two years now since I’ve been off of birth control and I feel so much better! My husband is adamant that we spend at least another year traveling before we have kids and I feel the same and that’s why we use condoms. Today Anne invited me to lunch and I told her that I’d join her but she needed to know that her comments were inappropriate. Despite this she made several comments about how her and her fiancé don’t use condoms and that she talked to him about it and he said it’s weird and that my husband doesn’t feel anything during sex with me. I left the lunch at that point because I don’t need to know her fiancé’s opinions on my sex life and she has her own problems with him that she needs to focus on. I really want to just block Anne’s number but I’ve known her since high school and I don’t know if I’m overreacting. If I had only known her for a year, this would be easier for me. The tone she said all of this was like she was disgusted. **Tl;Dr:** Friend found a condom wrapper in my house and chastised me for using condoms with my husband. I asked her to stop speaking about my sex life but she told her fiance who added his own opinions. Because of all of this, I want to just end my friendship with Anne but I don't know if it would be too nuclear.
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Aug 28, 2019 23:06
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I work in a fairly high-level government office and I've never seen or heard of any sort of dress code. Everyone just wears what they think is appropriate and we've never remotely had any trouble. Some people will wear ties, some people will wear jeans, it's up to them. Sometimes there's an incredibly mild judgemental comment about someone's outfit being a bit too on the casual side of business casual but that's it. For the most part, "dress appropriately" is all you need in writing when working with reasonably functional adults. "But but what if someone wore nothing but a thong to work!" well, the person's supervisor can deal cross that bridge when they come to it, but most likely they never ever will.
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Aug 28, 2019 23:06
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Cythereal posted:Fight with my [29M] gf [28F] over last name, reconsidering relationship
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Aug 28, 2019 23:15
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I like how he specifically recounts being harassed and bullied for his name growing up but for some reason it's important that he pass this name on. Change your name, doofus.
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Aug 28, 2019 23:17
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Smirking_Serpent posted:My friend [28/f] chastised me [28/f] for using condoms with my husband [30/m]. She got her fiance [m?] involved. This is so bizarre, like her friend almost is like offended about it? why would you care if your friend's husband "couldn't feel anything" and moreover why would you even say that out loud to them!? ew! people are so loving gross and weird. speaking of gross weirdos: A close family friend (85M) just got a terminal cancer diagnosis. This morning he asked me (24F) to undress for him. quote:TLDR: title
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Aug 28, 2019 23:18
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What do in your own bedroom is your own business but HOT TAKE married couples who use condoms are weird. Unless they're like poly or something I guess, but I'd lump that under the 'weird marriage' umbrella.
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Aug 28, 2019 23:18
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Smirking_Serpent posted:My friend [28/f] chastised me [28/f] for using condoms with my husband [30/m]. She got her fiance [m?] involved. Nuke these people from orbit. It's the only way to be sure (that you won't spend the rest of your life with this woman nitpicking you and calling in the loving posse when you disagree)
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Aug 28, 2019 23:18
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Chomp8645 posted:I like how he specifically recounts being harassed and bullied for his name growing up but for some reason it's important that he pass this name on. b-but that's Woman's job??????????????????? how else can I display Woman as my property huh????? Another Bill posted:What do in your own bedroom is your own business but HOT TAKE married couples who use condoms are weird. Unless they're like poly or something I guess, but I'd lump that under the 'weird marriage' umbrella. What about if the wife in the scenario resorts to using condoms because she's tried all other methods of birth control and they've proved unsuitable to the point of pain and discomfort? Her husband seems perfectly fine about it, what's weird here?
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Aug 28, 2019 23:18
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Another Bill posted:What do in your own bedroom is your own business but HOT TAKE married couples who use condoms are weird. Unless they're like poly or something I guess, but I'd lump that under the 'weird marriage' umbrella. She can’t take the pill or have an IUD, so are you saying they should just use the pull out method?
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Aug 28, 2019 23:20
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Another Bill posted:What do in your own bedroom is your own business but HOT TAKE married couples who use condoms are weird. Unless they're like poly or something I guess, but I'd lump that under the 'weird marriage' umbrella. 1) She made it clear that other birth control methods don't work for her/have horrific side effects, and they want kids so the husband can't just go get a vasectomy 2) Seriously, who gives a poo poo
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Aug 28, 2019 23:21
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Another Bill posted:What do in your own bedroom is your own business but HOT TAKE married couples who use condoms are weird. Unless they're like poly or something I guess, but I'd lump that under the 'weird marriage' umbrella. Did you read that post, like, AT ALL? And even if she just prefers condoms to other methods, who gives a poo poo?
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Aug 28, 2019 23:24
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