Mr Fronts posted:

Chris Roberts will press a button and The Long Dark will procedurally write itself as a cave adventure inside Star Citizen.

Dogeh posted:

Time to sing about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Uii8lxRC58

vyst posted:

Star Citizen the musical would just be that trombone following fat people sound video. Not because the fat, but because it sounds so depressing

Virtual Captain posted:

In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. The Fourth Stimpire has origins from the Ten Empire War in which 10 of the United Stimpires revolted against each rules. All empires except for the fourth swore freedom upon their citizens. There is no free speech in the Fourth Stimpire, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful medical verification methods, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with dangerous transplants. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The pain they have caused is so bad, the victim would freeze in a tense position. They would then collapse afterwards.

Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the Fourth Stimpire is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their sexual organs will be subjected to a penectomy or if the offender was a female, they would then have a razor inserted into their ovaries. They would pump a blue solution into the womb until the stitchings burst. Offenders would also be forced to show their operated areas in public, and they would always harass and punch them to a pulp, against their will.

Otherwise, offenders would be tazed with the worst type of electricity in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness. The pain would also triple every second, but no death would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all UEE forces must wear the upgraded suit to block this effect.

However, enertainment is also questionable in UEE grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being rounded into a grinder and shredded on live television, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands removed without anasthesia, flight races would end with the losers having their arms and legs removed, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves tweaking the muscles so they will not listen to brain commands, and then having a painful drug injected which also causes madness if the player is not sporting. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps.

Snuff films are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdered just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into a macerator and having their execution written into the film. Any film that does not feature someone being murdered will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection.

All executions are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will be executed. All citizens must boo to the person being executed, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot pass out, but they will feel like it forever.

Conquests by this Stimpire end in the planet being razed, and all the citizens being executed in the same way as their citizens are. The planet is then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from civil minds. People who are also killed are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed.

Prisoners undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the eternator injection. All prisoners injected with eternators are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some prisoners are also subjected to the removal of blood, the lungs, the liver, the genitals, the skeleton, the muscles, the eyes, and even the injection of pressure. Prisoners sentenced to pressure chambers are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable.

Children born on the 14th of July are subjected to the removal of their skeleton and an implant of a silver liquid to replace it. The nervous sysem is also injected in various parts to ensure it is five times more sensitive than the average.

Restaurants also are ordered to serve civil meat, and anyone attending must give themself up to be cooked into a grotesque meal. They are cooked alive, undergoing extreme pain, and are then subjected to industrial grinders and blenders. The Stimpire orders at least 1 million citizens to be dispatched every day, as they are afraid the population may overthrow them. But only one planet is cared for, and the rest are banned from eating, drinking, talking, using technology, touching anyone, wearing unauthorized clothes, touching buildings, or walking a centimeter out of designated routes. Civil enforcers are on every planet, and they are engineered so that they are 40 times larger than the 300 quadrillion population. At least 7 billion die every 12 hours under this rule.

Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the Stimpire with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a prison. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, only to have it amplified so they will turn insane as they imagine it exactly as they fear it. They then undergo a painful extraction of all fluids, to be replaced by a toxin which causes permanent irritation. The unknown substance keeps the subject aging normally, except they will never die. Prisoners punished in this way are unable to be reverted, despite many efforts, and they will never be able to be disposed.

The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the galactic space of this sickening empire.

Foo Diddley posted:

In that case, they can add Vulkan, raytracing, VR, and maybe even some fairy dust!

Dogeh posted:

Will that help with clipping?

reverend crabhands posted:

A Star Citizen poo poo-talking stream begins : https://www.twitch.tv/virtual_captain

Mirificus posted:

Awesome Fidelity posted:

SPERMCUBE.ORG posted:

Actually Star Citizen is proof that god exists and he wants nerds to be broke.

Time_pants posted:

That said, there is one thing I have always wondered about : HOW IN THE drat DO YOU READ THIS?! I'M ASKING SERIOUSLY. It looks like a spreadsheet ate a big, steaming plateful of poo poo and barfed it onto a pile of garbage. It's barely legible. There's so much garbage squeezed into every single pixel. What even is some of this stuff? What is "microTech planet"? Is that a place?? What the gently caress does "Player Status System v1" entail? How does it differ from "Player Status System v2"? What are these percentages? What do they even indicate? I would assume that they reflect completion, but how do you quantify being 2% "more done" with something? And if so, why on Earth are some of those percentages going down?? Like, did the CI???G??? employee in charge of that part of the project forget to save their work before shutting the computer down for the day in their hurry to go home and spend the evening chugging a bottle of hand sanitizer and huffing wood polish and trying to remember a time when their career wasn't just another grotesque curiosity for gawkin' at as part of Chris Roberts and His Extraordinary Travelling Freakshow?

Jesus Christ, I have to know. When another one of these technicolor nightmares metastasizes its way onto the internet, are people actually looking at this and gleaning any sort of actual information whatsoever, or does everyone just look at this for a second and give up when their eyes start to glaze over and just conclude that it must be more bad news because it's never, ever good news? Somebody help me out.

e: nice meltdown

Virtual Captain posted:

2 shows in the can. Doing aftershow atm.

Mirificus posted:

Virtual Captain posted:

stimpire.txt

Quavers posted:

Star Citizen: Seven Years of Lube

Quavers posted:

Star Citizen: Seven Years of Lube

Mirificus posted:

Zadda posted:

Going through saved images and gifs folder of the thread great moments:

I said come in! posted:

This is reminding me that CIG spent like $20,000 on a door for the office that opens up sci-fi starship style.

Zadda posted:

Going through saved images and gifs folder of the thread great moments:

Time_pants posted:

Okay. I've been following this stupid thread and even more stupider game since 2014 and it has made me hate myself in a lot of ways I didn't even know I could. So with the news that we might be shuttering SCAM in the very near future, I wanted to say that, even though I wasn't sure about it when I first started following this thread five years ago, I can say now with absolute certainty that we do, in fact, live in hell and God has abandoned us. Star Citizen is the best and worst of all of us (almost entirely the worst). All of my friends think I am mentally ill for following this non-game disaster that a very, very small number of people genuinely care about or believe will ever exist and most people have never heard of. They are right and it has been very fun.


That said, there is one thing I have always wondered about : HOW IN THE drat DO YOU READ THIS?! I'M ASKING SERIOUSLY. It looks like a spreadsheet ate a big, steaming plateful of poo poo and barfed it onto a pile of garbage. It's barely legible. There's so much garbage squeezed into every single pixel. What even is some of this stuff? What is "microTech planet"? Is that a place?? What the gently caress does "Player Status System v1" entail? How does it differ from "Player Status System v2"? What are these percentages? What do they even indicate? I would assume that they reflect completion, but how do you quantify being 2% "more done" with something? And if so, why on Earth are some of those percentages going down?? Like, did the CI???G??? employee in charge of that part of the project forget to save their work before shutting the computer down for the day in their hurry to go home and spend the evening chugging a bottle of hand sanitizer and huffing wood polish and trying to remember a time when their career wasn't just another grotesque curiosity for gawkin' at as part of Chris Roberts and His Extraordinary Travelling Freakshow?

Jesus Christ, I have to know. When another one of these technicolor nightmares metastasizes its way onto the internet, are people actually looking at this and gleaning any sort of actual information whatsoever, or does everyone just look at this for a second and give up when their eyes start to glaze over and just conclude that it must be more bad news because it's never, ever good news? Somebody help me out.

e: nice meltdown

Zadda posted:

Going through saved images and gifs folder of the thread great moments:

Dewgy posted:

The interns making GBS threads on the countertop really bring out the coffee aromas.

Blue On Blue posted:

I dont like this man, no sir

Dogeh posted:

So like civet cat beans?

Mirificus posted:

Mirificus posted: